You lost custody for 5 YEARS yet you’ve done all the hard work? Obviously someone else did all the hard work when they were raising your son for the first 5 years of his life so you can’t act like you’ve been the parent of the year here. Also you moved away and your child’s not been able to see his dad and you want to take away his rights? Hopefully you decide to take him to court and he wins since you left state. It’s sad that your son was with someone else for 5 years then you get him back and your worried about taking rights away. It sounds like your looking to cause issues when what you should be worried about is being a mom since you’ve missed out 5 YEARS. It’s sad the way some mothers think they can just do whatever they want when it comes to fathers rights, maybe had you not have moved then dad would be around? Sounds like you want to cause drama and it’s likely why you moved just so you could pull this and hopefully it all backfires on you in the end. Worry about taking son that’s you’ve not had to for 5 years.
A judge is never going to do that. Suck it up and deal with it. Deadbeats happen and a lot of us have been in the same boat . I feel sad for your child. Just take care of your child and stop worrying about “I”.
Slot of moms get that they usually don’t for dads only moms get the worse charges dad gets child support if he works if he don’t most states only make them pay 52$ a month
So you lost your kid for 5 years and you’re worried about what someone else is or isn’t doing? Your priorities are off.
One of my boys dad wasn’t in his life for almost 12 years. My son wanted to get to know him and was asking questions. We had to hunt him down and find him so my son could see him. I never took his rights away from him. While on paper he had no visitation rights, his dad and I worked it so he could see him (lived out of state). While I know not every situation turns out like this, the child has the right at some point to get to know the other parent. Best of luck to you!
I never saw were she said she lost custody she said she gained custody meaning they prolly shared it and he didn’t go by the papers there for she gained custody no where does it say she lost custody! READ !
Y get him on abandonment he already doesn’t see or talk to the child and u moved away so technically u don’t have to worry about anything unless u have someone wanting to adopt the child as dad other than that don’t waste ur time it won’t go in your favor there’s a lot more that has to play into the dad not seeing him n u want abandonment, with I moveing if the state u previously moved from was not informed u may get in trouble for that
More needs to be added to this story. You had no custody for 5 years, why? Once you get your kids back you move but have you guys talk before you left? Did you guys figure out a custody schedule? The courts probably won’t favor you on this. If he is still seeing them (even if it’s just when he wants to) they won’t just take his rights away, especially if he had the kids for the past 5 years and you didn’t. I’m surprise you were even allowed to up and move without having to go to court about it
How can I get him for abandonment? Like girl you sound bitter as hell. I can tell your doing everything in your power to get him charged with anything. Your weird. Seek help. You lost custody for 5 years… that’s the real question why and how??
My daughter moved over 200 miles a way and it went back to court and she lost custody of her son. because, she didn’t tell her ex she moved. Long story short she lost custody of her son because the judge looked at it like she was playing games by moving . It was stated in the court documents she had to inform her ex she was going to move and she didnt.
It’s not abandonment if you are the one that moved
It’s not about who puts in more work, it’s about your child. You do your best to make sure they grow up feeling loved, not pushing abandonment on the other parent. Imagine how a child feels knowing their parent isn’t around.
You sound like you’re out to punish your ex, stop being so selfish.
Custody isn’t about what’s fair to you. It’s what’s best for the child. Sounds like neither of you had the child’s best interest at heart if you yourself did not have any custody of your own child. The state allowed you to grow and do the right thing, you can afford to let his father do the same.
I don’t believe it’s been nearly long enough.
I see a lot of people putting words in this woman’s mouth. She didn’t say she lost custody for five years as in she did not have possession of her child. CYS or something could have been involved making custody not an option for up to five years while she dealt with them, while trying to regain custody. But it’s also not clear if she did.
Regardless, you moved states just a year and a half ago. I’m not sure how far away. But depending on the father‘s income it may not be so simple for him to come visit. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to work that type of stuff out. My daughters father lives in Florida and I live in Pennsylvania with her. It took almost 2 years to win primary custody. He comes and visits some holidays (he sometimes can’t afford to miss work) and she gets to go stay with him for summer. There’s no excuse for the father not visiting or providing any support at all though. You should be verbal and honest with him about how you’re feeling and what you plan to do if things don’t change. You know what’s best for your child. Do what you think is RIGHT for them.
I’m confused how hes the one that abandoned the child if you moved. It sounds like you don’t want him in his child’s life. No matter if yall ended badly or hate each other its what’s best for the child that should matter.
If it took you 5 years to get your s*%y together & make your child a priority, why is it unreasonable that it takes him 6? What if someone had attempted to have your rights revoked that first year? From the limited info here it sounds like you want his rights revoked on the grounds that you’re mad he takes care of his girlfriend’s kids. That’s not cool.
Sounds like both parents in this child’s life need to work on themselves rather than trying to point the finger at the other… Trying not to judge but the way you worded this doesn’t sound like you’re all that you’re trying to make yourself out to be… Contradicting post.
You would think that the courts would’ve never let her move out of state if she lost custody for 5 years. Also who’s to say she hasnt moved out of state “a year and a half ago” that being the same amount of time the dad “abandoned” his son. There’s two sides here. I’m no fan of a peice of shit dad but sounds to me she moved out of town just to keep the child away from his dad and if that’s the case that’s sad. That poor child needs both a mom and dad in his life.
get an attorney and have him help you sort it out . You probably have to have an attny to do this legally
Wait …the state had your kid?? Am I reading that right …you wanna talk dad’s rights away because you moved states and he cant jump at every opportunity you give him to hang out with child…did you expect him to follow you??..atleast he trys …my bd refuses to talk to our daughter because I dont want to be with him …I would never deny either of them time together …sometimes it’s easier to not deal with a problem then it is to deal with the stress
You sound very bitter and jealous that he moved
on, smh 
You move states and you want to get him on abandonment?? That’s not how the law works, you are very manipulating even in this post,
FYI, what ur doing here is considered trying to alienate the other parent, Which in turn can make you lose custody for not putting in the child’s needs in interest first. Family Law is Not as cut and dry as you think, unless you actually put the kids needs first. But your Not doing that.
Wait. YOU moved states. That’s not abandonment. That’s closer to parental alienation. And even bigger question. Why didn’t you have custody? Why f did you need to regain custody? There’s a big chunk missing in context here and without it, you just sound bitter. You washed your hands off the ex when you left him. You can’t was your child’s hands. You can’t wash their dna.
In Indiana its one year no contact or payments.
If he meets any requirements in your state, then hire a lawyer and get the paperwork done.
Ummm no where does it say she NEVER had her child! Did you know most mothers in most states do not have custody of their children? You have to go to court to get custody of your child. That goes for almost everyone. Next, she moved. She didn’t state why, so don’t assume. We don’t know if this guy was abusive, narcissistic, or on drugs. We don’t know the full story, but regardless that shouldn’t be a reason for a good dad not to have a relationship with his child. They have phones, video calls, air planes, etc.
To the OP: check your state laws. Most states have different laws regarding abandonment. I live in New Jersey and it’s 3 months with no contact at all of any type. But the state will not relinquish his parental rights without someone being willing and able to adopt my daughter in his place. So I would start by researching state laws.
For the other people bashing the OP, don’t be an asshole and make stories up. Ask questions to get answer but don’t assume you know the whole store and stop shaming the OP. Ugh.
You can’t, he didn’t abandon your child you took the child out of state without his consent…better check in your state, you could be in trouble…
This whole post is 
How do you consider you put in all the work if you just got back your child after 5 years…where was the child during this time…and im sorry but you are the one that moved and it seems like you did intentionally so you could keep your child from the father…you do realize YOU are the one that chose him to be the father…maybe he’s not the only one at fault
A judge will almost never terminate a father’s rights.
My sons dad hasn’t been active in his life for the first 7 years. We went thru this whole custody thing. I have primary physical, Well my son is now 12, wants NOTHING to do with his dad. And my sons sperm donor wants nothing to do with him. He’s got 2 other kids. He has not seen nor talked to my son in the past like 2 years since Xmas eve of 2019. His step dad (my soon to be hubby) is more of a dad to my son then his own dad. And at some point I will work on trying to get him to go away
Everything I wanted to say has already been said ma’am you need to do better
I mean honestly, YOU moved states away and you expect the father to just jump at your every request? Plus, they’re not just going to terminate his rights.
There’s very limited information here but it sounds like you need a dose of reality. Having a child does not mean that you get total control of the other parent. He didn’t abandon the child if you chose to move away and you’ll be lucky if the state that the child was born in doesn’t make you return with the child. Start thinking of your child and not how you can get back at the other parent. You’ll thank yourself one day and so will your child.
You moved state and now mad he can’t afford to visit frequently?
“I put in all the hard work” LOL!!! What??? You didn’t do shit for 5 years!
Doesn’t sound as if you’re a model parent yourself. So maybe give him a bit of a break and dial back on the jealousy. Also seems as if a lot if missing from the story.
Wow. Ok 1 I pretty sure that the parent needs to be gone out of the childs like for a minimum of 2 consecutive years with no contact and no attempt to return contact from you which you have to try to do. 2 u moved states not him. 3 it took you 5 years to get your child back from the state you don’t have room to judge
My Sons father was in and out of his life from 3 years old to I’d say freshman year. I never kept his father from him or him from his father. But he moved out of the area and struggled to support himself and knew he was on hard times. Yes he had a girlfriend with children and yes it upset me but let it fall into place. I’m so Happy I did not go to this extent because now they are two peas in a pod and have a very healthy loving relationship. I had to give his Father time to grow. Not everyone is on your level when you need them to be. Maybe, just maybe if you didn’t move out of state he would try just a little bit harder to be there for his child. It’s hard when a mother is bitter and he is out of reach
It really sounds like you hid this child from him to charge him and take his rights away
Nope. If his father gets hit by a bus let that child get monetary benefits. Leave it alone. Don’t poke a bees nest. Stay away from getting courts involved in your life. It’s not necessary right now.
Unfortunately, even if you had a legal document stating he would have visitation, the courts cannot force a parent to want to see their child.
If you don’t have sole custody you could potentially get that but him losing rights altogether probably will never happen.
… you moved states, not him. Seems as though you took his child and expected him to drop everything and follow or you planned it to be able to claim abandonment. And that, my dear, is parental alienation. And you are wrong. Let the man try and be in his kids life, give him the chance to.
Well my husband hasn’t had any contact in almost 2 yrs but after talking to my lawyer he suggested I not file abandonment charges against him because a judge could actually decide to give him visitation again if he wanted so I’m leaving it alone.
A lot of missing info! We’re u married or ever have paternity established legally making him the father??
I don’t know you circumstances but according to you, you have only had your child for a year so apparently you aren’t doing a great job yourself. I usually don’t respond to s***like this. You are making your self sound not so good at taking care of your child neither. If my comment upsets you…. You sound selfish and jealous.JS
Courts would prolly look at you like your crazy, since you don’t seem like the greatest parent either.
My advice, nurture his relationship with his Dad the best you can. Try your best to help them to have a relationship. If not, you are only hurting your son. May not seem so now….but down the road it definitely will. People struggle, so help how ever you can. So long as there is no abuse there is no reason to hinder a relationship between the two. You should want your son HAPPY!! Having both parents in his life will make him happy, and feel wanted.
To answer your question…Yes you will need a lawyer, and yes, you will have to do it through a court with a judge’s signature to be legal and binding. You can’t just decide he has abandoned the child. And this is even more important if you already have a court order stating custody and child support, as YOU can also be held in contempt of court. And visitation and child support are “separate” issues even in the same decree, so if you choose to not allow him to see the child as his visitation allows you will be in contempt of court and can be arrested, it doesn’t matter if you aren’t getting child support. Also in Alabama, rights can be terminated AND still have to pay child support. But your answer is you need a lawyer! Where you can file will depend on if there is already court orders dealing with custody/child support/visitation.
The fact that you refer to him as “the child” is a little questionable in itself…and how do you expect the man to be a part of your son’s life if you moved a state away? Not everyone is financially capable of traveling on a regular basis like that! Your son is going to have questions later in life and when he gets old enough it’s gonna become reality that his mother made it very difficult for his father to be in his life and trust me he’ll resent you for it…I say try to make the relationship easier and reach out as much as you can, if he chooses to not be there at least you can tell your son you tried!
If you’re states away, and didnt get permission from the court, you potentionally could get in trouble with the court. Like, you could be ordered to return or he could get custody. You can’t just move to another state.
If you did get permission to move states, and he’s not following the court visitation order then what you can do depends on your state. In Indiana you can’t just take a father’s rights away. You have to be remarried for over a year, without support AND visitation for 6mo, or one or the other for a year. Then a step parent adoption has to be filed with a lawyer. Laws vary state to state, so I highly suggest talking to a lawyer. However, you leaving won’t look good on you and I don’t see this going the way you want it to.
So you just got your child back and moved away? Are you trying to get back at him for something?
Didn’t you just say you moved out of state? And, you just barely won your kids back from the state yourself?? Not much room for you to judge ma’am, and there’s a lot missing from the story here.
You took the child out of state and want to file abandonment? How did he abandon the child if you left the state . Sounds to me like you are making it difficult for him to be able to be a part of the child’s life . And I don’t think you would be able to take his rights away
It sounds like you don’t really have the best track record for being a parent either so you should probably just lay low and worry about being a mom
It’s literally almost impossible to get rights terminated. Which is stupid.
“The child.” I don’t think you should have “the child,” either.
People that do this do it out of spite, because there’s no benefit to the child here. They don’t need protection, and yet here you are trying to hurt the other parent because you’re upset. Taking rights doesn’t change who your child’s father is. You can’t “move on” you’re tied together forever.
U sound like ur just as shitty as the “father”
“THE CHILD” 
and you literally LEFT THE STATE and are going to be upset he doesn’t come see him? lol get a grip
Where i live it is required to prove they have had no contact with you or the child in 30 or more days and you have to file twice before they take it seriously
- You just won custody back from the state, is it full custody? If so what are you worried about?
- Did you move out of the state the father lives in? If so you better have full custody or you could be forced to move back.
- Courts won’t terminate rights of another parent with out someone there to take up that responsibility.
- Stop using your child as a pawn, be grateful that his family has stepped up where he hasn’t and get your life together.
Kind of sounds like you got “the child” back from the state and bounced. Which makes me feel like you’re running away from something. I honestly feel like there’s a whole lot more to this situation… and you haven’t told us important key facts that are necessary in order to give actual good, accurate advice.
You’ll be sorry when he grows up! Let him make that decision when he’s older
Thos is a joke right? Please tell me this is a joke! Neither of you should have “the child” 
So you basically kidnapped his kid and ditched once the state gave “the child” back to you. Yeah hun 
go ahead and ask the courts to terminate his rights
Get an attorney! You can do it. Get the child evaluated too by a child psychologist and get the therapist to agree with the fact that going in and out is traumatizing. That’s not going to be hard because of course it’s not good for the child going in and out. You’re in another state so try and shoot for supervised visitations. If he isn’t paying child support on time he’s not paying to fly there and have supervised visitations. The only way you could even come close to taking all his rights away is if you are the stable parent with no issues from the past and when you eventually move on and get remarried the person raising him can than go to adopt. You can’t take his rights away unless he’s been abusing the child, physically, but you can make it incredibly difficult for him to go in and out anymore.
me me me me me. What about your fucking kid dude???
You didn’t have custody of your child for 5 years. Why do you think his rights should be permanently taken from him for doing the same thing you did?
Umm… YOU are the one that moved away, but HE abandoned the child?? I think it’s backwards here…
He still the daddy… don’t do that… let the child decide. You already made your choice now you have to live with it. I speak from experience.
Babydaddy is being the best Babydaddy he knows how to be … right?
Why punish him - why punish your child? Leave things the way they are and for the sake of your child DO NOT badmouth babydaddy in front of your child; there are natural heartstrings there and it will only hurt the child. Trust me, been there + done that. Now tat my son is an adult he told me how things I said about his dad (who had served time in prison even) hurt him.
First. File for child support. That way, if he doesn’t pay, he doesn’t get visitation. Second, you get the money you need to Support Your Child. Other than that… just ignore him and get on with your life.
Wait, so u moved states and want to get him for abandonment 
? I get he should be reaching out but girl, go live your best life with your kid and dont be so worried about running dude into the ground. My sons father been in and out the picture his whole life going years. Dont see me jumping at the chance to end his parental role, why??? Cuz my kid will make that decision for himself when the time comes, till then i do my part as a mother and hold him down and show ive done everything in MY power to make sure they have a relationship cuz ill be damned if my kid grows up resenting me for taking away his dad (cuz thats exactly what will happen, no matter your justification)
This is exactly the kind of person that makes “baby mommas” a derogatory term.
Sounds like “the child” is at least 7/8…since you’ve had them for two years and lost them for 5. That’s plenty old enough to be at the age where they start to ask questions about the other parent. Why in the world would YOU want to terminate rights. Especially considering the state kinda terminated yours for five years! It took you a looooong time to get it together but apparently you did… Give dad the same chance? My sons father is virtually nonexistent but I be damned if my son grows up to know the reason is bc I hopped states and had his right to participate terminated. He’ll know I did all I could to allow his father to be present and Dad CHOSE not to.
Is there a new boyfriend wanting to play dad? This sounds like one of those circumstances to me…
It’s not about you…the end
No state will do that with you being a single parent.
In Arizona it wasn’t that difficult and it was even free to file. I just had to prove that my child was better off without her bio dad popping up whenever he pleased. He did try to fight me on it but then didn’t even show to court so it was granted easily.
A lot of information seems to be missing here and it sounds like your mad because you got your self together before he did maybe he needs more time and just so you know children need both parents whenever possible but your story just doesn’t sound right
Why do you keep referring to your child as “the” child?
Where I live they won’t just terminate rights for abandonment. They’ll only do it under extreme circumstances like abuse or drugs. Other then that you need to be married and your husband has to adopt the kid(s) so they have a legal father responsible for them. Me personally, I wouldn’t do anything. He’s not around and if he does call or come around, you don’t have to let him visit or have phone calls.
It would be a totally different situation if you were married and your husband wants to adopt your son and bio dad is signing over rights for the best of his son. In the situation you’ve described, you’ve completely run away from bio dad and his family and want to just cut him off. You really just need to let things be. You can run from your past but can’t hide… just leave it alone. Live your best life as you can with you and your son. And get you and him into counseling ASAP.
You’ll need an attorney. And laws differ by state. But know that if you terminate his rights, he no longer pays child support.
You’re making this entirely about you. You stated yourself it’s not affecting the kid at this point in time and that he doesn’t ask for him, so he’s not crying for him either. No emotional trauma, yet… but that won’t be your burden to bear in the future, if at all. He sees who is there and who is not, and he still may want a relationship with his dad later on and forgive him. Although he owes no apology for anything after you moving him out of state away from his father. Did you honestly expect every other weekend from him? No you did not. I kinda think you knew what you were doing and this was your way of pushing him out entirely because of your own personal feelings towards dad. Don’t be selfish. Leave it be where it is. Let dad come around when he wants. That’s not hurting you or the kid if the kid is not showing you signs of trauma, which he probably won’t because he already has a solid family I’m guessing. If it was an emotional issue for the kid with him coming and going then I could understand your plight. My daughters dad did the same her whole life. He was never consistent in any way shape or form until she turned 14. She’s now 16 and doesn’t hold a single thing against him. I too never bad mouthed him around her and never even cared like you do because it never effected her emotionally and her sisters dad had filled that role since she was two so for her, she was never without a dad. He was in attendance to all her activities and financially supported her like his own. Idk that your son has that but it doesn’t sound like he’s missing anything in life at this time so why go that far?? Let your feelings go so YOU can move on and let their relationship be whatever it can be. Your child has his own feelings and if those are not bad ones then don’t make them bad by making it impossible for him to ever see him again until he’s an adult. That might backfire on you. What if he resents you for that and runs off with dad when he’s an adult and doesn’t want anything to do with you for robbing him of that? I think you need to look in the mirror and think long and hard here. This isn’t something you do lightly or vengefully.
My daughter was abandoned by her dad at age 3 and she’s now 9. I’m with an amazing man now who treats my daughter like his own and one day if we get married he wants to adopt my daughter and I think that’s the only way it could happen. I tried to see about getting his rights terminated and the court said that her dad would have to agree to do that and even if I was married and my man wants to adopt her I would still need her dad’s approval. It really does suck but if it comes down to it my man will just have a man to man talk with him and hopefully everything will work out. But for now we are just living our lives happy with no drama
You didn’t even have the kid for 5 years and he’s 6! Which means you yourself have only had him for a year! A YEAR! Then you decide to move out of state. And that’s his fault? Girl there is something wrong with this picture. You got pregnant weren’t responsible enough to keep your child for 5 years, then you literally take him to another state and expect his father to be able to visit him? This one is on you.
So… You just got your kid back from what I’m guessing is foster care and then moved states and now are trying to claim the other parent abandoned your child? Ya it doesn’t work like that… I could be wrong but you were no better than him not that long ago. Its not your choice to not want that man around. Unless the kid says he doesn’t want to see his dad anymore you have no say.
In my state, you have to have an abuse and neglect petition filed by CPS to terminate parental rights and that typically won’t happen if there is at least one protective parent such as yourself. I’m sure you could do something in family court to take his visitation rights, but not his parental rights. He can, however, voluntarily relinquish his parental rights but that would have to be his decision.
You need to let your child make the decision when he is old enough if he wants his father in his life ! Just because u hate your ex doesn’t mean your child should !
he is still the child’s father and the child may want a relationship with his father down the road. Please remember you chose to create a child with that man so at some point you saw some redeeming qualities. Since you moved States unless you set up visitation in a way that was doable for Dad, as in agreed to transport the child for visitations and things like that your chances are zero. If he was living in the same area and did not pay child support or come visit for a year and a half then you might have had slight chance. You need to sit back and think what’s best for the child. You’re talking about what’s fair to you. The child didn’t get a say in being born or the entire situation, it’s time to do what’s fair for the child and in the child’s best interest and not your own.
If you took the child and moved away (sounds like spite) it will not be approved. Besides you will be responsible for half the cost to transport kids for viso. Did you know that? And that’s if all he has is a cheapo lawyer. Give the dad time. You moved
This has to be a joke
OMG YOU PEOPLE ARE HEARTLESS. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, DONT SAY IT. gives you all NO right to judge her situation. Walk in her shoes and then maybe, just maybe your heart will feel for her. She was asking for an opinion and you all went down on her like a ton of bricks, without knowing her or her situation. Shame on all of you. Hope Karma doesn’t hit you in the ass.
Before you do ANYTHING ELSE, seek professional counsel for YOU sis.
SOMETHING TELLS ME, YOU HAVE SOME WORK TO DO FOR YOU
You can try, talk to a lawyer because you may need one. I don’t think it will be that easy since you only got custody of your kid recently so for most of their life they were with someone else. And moving may be another issue. A lawyer will be able to tell you best. Also some states need someone else to adopt the child if you do that.
Sad. You moved states and “want to get him on abandonment”. Seems like you don’t actually care about the well-being of your child.
If he hasn’t communicated with you and/or paid support for at least a year then you have a pretty good case against him in terms of getting his rights revoked. He would no longer be required to pay monthly child support but he would have to any back child support that he owes you was how it was explained to me
You’re an entire mess! You moved states and want to get him for abandonment?
I guess I’ll be the odd one out here but I refuse to let anyone come in and out of my child’s life when it’s convenient for them. I will not let my chíld be destròyed over a màn. I hope you get all rights to this baby and show them constant love like they deserve.
Soooo, you didn’t have YOUR child for 5 years yet want to get the dad on abandonment? You’ve only even been in that childs life for 1 year, so you really have absolutely no room to talk about the dad. Furthermore, YOU moved the child out of that state.
I really hope this post is a damn joke.
You already got custody. Proud of you for fighting to get your child back. And I pray your doing things right for your child. But you moved away. How is he suppose to see his child now? Yes in 1 year he could have tried more and see his kid. He didn’t. That’s terrible. But can’t move then complain. Again, you have custody. What more do you need? Is someone else wanting to claim child as own? Or just you? Cause I don’t see the point.
Side note: I am not with my first born’s biological father. Haven’t been for years. In works of getting divorce and custody finished up. But he’s been in prison basically since i was pregnant (8 yrs) also I step mom and bio mom does t come around but maybe once a year and we aren’t trying to limit her. Unless there is abuse, there’s no need for extra. A child will grow up a realize who’s around.