How to fix my marriage?

How do I get my marriage back on track? This year has been awful with legal issues, custody issues with my ex-husband & now I’m pregnant with mine & my wife’s first daughter. Sex has been taken completely off the table for her. She doesn’t touch me at all & it’s making me feel like it’s bc I’m pregnant, which makes me hate this pregnancy. When I try to initiate anything, she’s always “tired.” Or it’s the same excuse, “we haven’t showered.” Okay, ma’am, we can shower together. How do I fix this? A vibrator only does so much. I miss the actual connection & can feel myself losing feelings for her.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to fix my How to fix my marriage?

Maybe she has moved on!

Maybe it wasnt the right time to get pregnant? Seems like you guys had alot going on?

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Maybe she’s stressed out with everything going on. I know myself being stressed I don’t have a sex drive.

You lose feeling for her because she doesn’t feel like having sex with you and you hate your baby because you are having marriage problems? Sounds like you need some therapy to get your emotions in check. Acting like this will definitely turn your partner off.

I absolutely encourage every couple to read the 5 love languages. It’s a book full of knowledge to help you each grow individually as well as together. It will help you truly learn how to love one another the way each needs to be loved.

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I don’t blame her. She seems stressed out from all the chaos/drama and tbh it would be a major turn off. Why get pregnant when dealing with legal issues and custody issues? Try talking to her and see if this is what she still wants and if it isn’t then let her move on without causing more drama.

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Have you both tried sitting down and talking about your feelings like adults? ‘It makes me feel’. That is something you should be able to talk to with your partner, judgement free and all. Maybe there is something going on that’s not popped through the surface and it’s causing marital issues. You could always have a neutral party come mediate your conversations, cheaper alternative to seeking a licensed therapist. Communication is key to a healthy relationship, and maybe you two forgot how to do that with one another

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Serious question how is it your pregnant with your & your wife’s child? Maybe that’s why she’s not ok with the pregnancy because clearly it can’t be biologically both your child? Could possibly be the reason for the disconnect. Or it could be what seems like extreme stress from life in general :woman_shrugging:t3: best thing to do is talk about it with your partner

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Wow this is wild to me. So you had a husband and got with another woman… the woman is denying you sex while you’re preggo because of a shower y’all could easily take??? Is it his baby cause we know she didn’t knock you up?? Either way I see why she wouldn’t be in the mood. It’s nothing but drama going on.

Is she afraid it’s not safe? Try talking to her about why she’s not interested.

How about a good marriage counselor

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Sit down and have open communication about it.

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Whose the father ? Was the pregnancy planned or is it your ex husbands and that’s the custody issue.

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This group is absolutely terrible with same sex couples. “Why didn’t you get pregnant then” never seen it asked with a heterosexual couple. “Maybe she’s upset the baby isn’t biologically hers” never seen this issue with heterosexual blended families. I’m just kind of disappointed :confused:

You should take a sex free vacation. Get away from everything. I’m going to assume you weren’t easy to deal with during your very high stressful divorce/legal issues. Get away from everything and just relax. No pressure on her or you. Use this getaway to grow closer to her. Remind her how much you love her, talk about hour future and expectations. All mental and emotional bonding. If anything sexual happens, let her initiate it, not you. She might need time to heal. Did she want this baby?

Sit down and have a conversation with her about it. Tell her how you feel.

Wake up the intimacy game. Cater to her, touch her, show her attention.

Pregnancy is a stressor for couples. Cheating during pregnancy is very common. People struggle to see pregnant women as sexual beings. Go to couple’s therapy. There’s a lot to untangle here.

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You need to rslk to her. Tell her how you feel

Confused are u a guy couple???

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Tell her what you just told us :heartbeat:

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I would ask, you’d be surprised how many people think it’s not safe or it’s weird to be sexual during pregnancy. I know a guy who legit refused and only did or received oral an entire pregnancy because he wasn’t comfortable and thought he would hurt the baby on some way or even hurt her. Could be she’s got a lot on her mind about adding another child because it sounds like you already have at least one kid with an ex. Woman generally need constant initiation to be fully interested in sex especially if one of them aren’t in the same hormonal level. I’d try talking or doing a special night that’s about intimacy and not just sex

I’m a little confused. Maybe she is scared she’ll hurt the baby etc or she feels uncomfortable. Try and sit and ask her what the issue is

you need to talk to her & maybe do family counseling together & separate

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You’re losing feelings for her because she’s not feeling sexual during a stressful period? Maybe try to sit back and look at everything that had happened through her eyes, see how it’s all making her feel, instead of just worrying about sex. :woman_shrugging: Sounds like she’s stood by your through alot which should count for something.

Is wife mad about the pregnancy?

For all the confused people -
I have a close relative that had her wifes embryo implanted into her and they picked the donor together. That way, the embryo was her wifes, but she carried the child. This might be the same situation.
She might be jealous that you’re carrying the child instead of her. She could be stressing about your court issues with your ex. Her work life could be stressing her out too. Unless you talk to her, you won’t find out. Don’t be hard on her, just ask a simple question. Even if she gives you an answer that you don’t want to hear, it’s still how she feels and you have to respect it. Communication is key in any relationship.
Best of luck :purple_heart::blue_heart:

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some people just Aren’t into pregnancy sëx. you need to let her know how it’s making you feel but Also need to respect it may be a turn off for her

In my experience during pregnancy there are a lot of unsaid thoughts happening on both sides. It is so important to keep open dialogue so assumptions aren’t made and insecurities aren’t developed on either side. Maybe your wife isn’t as sexual. Maybe financial issues. Maybe it’s just different than before. Love doesn’t go away because you aren’t intimate for a time. Feelings and love are entirely different emotions in my opinion. It sounds like the hardest time of your relationship could be testing and you can make it through with really good communication.

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Did you get pregnant previous to relationship?

Fall back & stop trying one of two things will happen. 1. She will keep acting this way and it will show her true colors or 2. She will start coming back to reality and you all will work it out… Me: I’m not gonna beg anyone to be where they do t want to be

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I know this is going to shock some people but Lesbians exist! :scream: Lol

Seriously though, I can completely understand. Pregnancy is beautiful yet some people (male & female) don’t really feel comfortable sexually. It has nothing to do with your physical appearance. Just sit down & tell her how it makes you feel. Let her know what you do need. Also, really listen to how she is feeling too. You’ll get though this.:purple_heart:

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Please talk to her,my daughter who is also gay went through the same not with pregnancies .Her partner used to tell me which I did not want to know but I knew she needed to talk a bout it.I told her to talk to my daughter now they are OK.If she loves you she will open up to you.Good luck and with the baby.x

Could she be jealous your pregnant and she’s not?

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Communication is key! Talk to each other.

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I won’t beg for attention or affection. If she shut you out, she clearly isn’t happy. She has to be happy with herself before she can make others around her happy. If it was me, I’d move out and let her find herself. Either one is in or out.

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My husband was the same way, I finally snapped and he told me it was because he didn’t want to hurt they baby. He didn’t want to tell me because he thought it would hurt my feelings…BTW he was like that with all 3 of my pregnancies.

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Listen to this and do so very carefully.

Religious or not, the message behind it is wonderful.

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Maybe she’s just too tired. Think about this post in 9 months time. You might understand a little better

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Maybe trying talking to her about your feelings. And remember her feelings matter just as much as your does and you both need to listen to each other.

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I would tell her straight out what your feeling right now

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Maybe try writing to her if you can’t talk to her about it goodluk

Kristy Green the woman not wanting sex isn’t the one who’s pregnant

My Relationship/Communication clients tell me that learning how to really discuss something is key to having a great relationship. Teaching my clients how to figure out what the question truly is helping to phrase their concern to get the necessary answer. I find that when my clients guess what the issues are nothing gets resolved but only fuels the flame of resentment and anger. Seek Couples counseling, be serious if you want to save your relationship head for respect, trust and a deeper love and more intimacy.

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Communication, honesty and respect.

Are you having a girl? That might be why! She is in competition with another female for your affection!

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Being tired is not an excuse. You have kids. Have you’ve ever not been in the mood? Have you’ve ever been to tired.

Was this pregnancy planned?

Stress and craziness can kill a sex drive! Her feelings matter just as much as yours. But she shouldn’t have to cave to sex just cause you want some.

Talk and be honest. And give it time. It can get better

Maybe she has a girlfriend on the side…

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Am I understanding this correctly? You were married to a man. You divorced him to get together with a woman. Now this woman wants no intimacy with you “making (you) feel like it’s because (you’re) pregnant”. So far, so good?

Could it be that she’s had her eyes opened to the fact your pregnancy is NOT the result of any intimacy with her? That it’s just two people adopting someone else’s baby?

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Y’all ne need to talk.

What I am about to say should only be taken constructively and not in any way shape or form as an attack or criticism. It’s for the lessons learned department…

There is a lot at play here and first they should be separated…

Child Custody Issues seem to have little to no bearing here with your spouse and more as to just adding extra stress for “you” specifically… What sounds like is at play here is possibly rushing into a marriage/committed relationship with someone whom you clearly didn’t know as well as you thought you may have. Happens to many of us, myself a time or two included…

These things “should” have been discussed well before Pregnancy was even a possibility. The if/and or when we have children, so you foresee or have any apprehensions or issues with being intimate and it’s not just women, as men have aversions or apprehensions as well. Not all or even most but some do. It appears at least on the surface that your spouse has such aversions and it is hard on you as with so much going on, more than ever you need that intimacy and that stress relief and those positive hormones and chemicals emitted from physical intimacy, etc…

The problem here appears to be that by not discussing and getting to know that about your spouse before has left you in a bit of a conundrum now when you need it most…

I think it’s best for both you and your spouse to get to the bottom of this and ask her point blank if there is an issue or aversion that she has being intimate while pregnant. I think you need to know for yourself and the sake of the future of the relationship moving forward. If the intimacy is gone then you need to be honest with both her and yourself whether the relationship has anywhere to go especially if you planned on having anymore children together past this pregnancy.

Honesty, Communication, self awareness are all key here.

We can’t go backwards so no need to beat yourself up at this point, but moving forward these are things that clearly should stop being avoided and the sooner you find out, the better.

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how did you get pregnant married to a women ?

Tell. Her. Like. It. Is