My 8 y/o still wants to sleep near us, but our bedrooms aren’t near each other. We made his transition easier by reading with him and laying next to him in his bed for a few minutes until he got comfortable enough to be by himself to fall asleep. We also gave him topics to think about for breakfast discussions, that way his mind was busy until he drifted to sleep
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I just embrace the fact my son (9) still wants to sleep with mom and dad… It won’t be long before he wants nothing to do with us! 🤷🤷🤷 ( And nothing sexual has ever come up in Convo in regards to bed or sleeping situation. He has asked questions in general but not because he sleeps with us.) It’s only sexualized if you make it that way. Don’t look for problems that arnt there.
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I wish I knew. My stepson is no longer allowed to spend the night at our house because he cried to his grandma that when we put him to bed we didn’t go to bed with him 
they literally won’t allow him to spend the night over that now
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You can not reward her for sleeping in her own room. She’s 8 years old. She knows where her bed is. She’s fighting you because she keeps winning. That’s all there is to it. If she won’t listen to you than your husband needs to enforce her sleeping in her own bed. You’ve been there 3 years and she’s been there 8 years she thinks she has more ground to stand on than you do. She should have a bed time that she goes to bed. Set a night time routine with it ending in her bed not yours.
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Just be honest when she asks those questions. “I can answer, but only at the level that your ready for. Even if I explained it all the way you would not understand completely or it would be too much to process. So this is the way that I can explain it to you now, and we can explain it more later.”
Or something better phrased lol
But I understand why you think ita time to have different beds.
Just be firm. You’ve already given her a reason. She’s just pushing to find a weak point to have ground to argue with you because she doesn’t want to yet. You don’t have to explain it further.
My biggest problem would be a lack of sex life.
She’s 8. I assume she has her own bed somewhere,encourage her to use it.
DAD needs to encourage and put his foot down if necessary.
I don’t get it. I know I’m old (49), but we were told there were ‘grown up things for grown ups’. Period.
That was also the reason we couldn’t smoke,’ drink, curse, or any other grown ppl thing.
I really don’t understand the need to explain things to a child. It is what it is.
Because you are not a baby.
Because I said so.
Whatever works
You need to get your bed (and husband) back
My daughter is 5 years old. She knows how babies are made. She knows the correct terms penis and vagina. Sex isn’t bad. And it’s not shameful. But sex is what makes babies so if you’re to young to have a baby don’t have sex 
If you don’t answer her questions, she will only go else where which can be even more dangerous. My 9 year old sister heard the word “sex” and looked it up and came across p0rn and my mom had to talk to her about it. It’ll be MUCH worse if she either gets the info from a friend or especially online! Answer any questions she may have with scientific answers that she can understand. If you need help, go to the library. They have books for little kids growing up. Also, have the dad talk to her about going to her own bed as well so she knows it’s not just you. Let her know she can always come to you with questions no matter how uncomfortable so in the future, she will come to you before finding out the wrong way.
Where is bio mom that she’s not in the picture?
It may be insecurity
Maybe it’s separation anxiety because the mom is not around? Counseling?
Do any of the other children still sleep with you? Perhaps it would be easier if it’s a no kids in the bed thing and not just as “you cannot be in the bed but everyone else is”
If not than maybe have her dad set up a new night time routine with her, maybe she just misses him.
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She needs to get the puberty talk. Girls are starting periods before they are 8. Maybe if you had the birds and bees talk she will understand why she should not sleep with her dad. There are great books and videos on puberty.
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Her dad and you need to talk!
I don’t know how to help this situation because honestly I didn’t allow this situation. When I got with my partner he had his 3 boys climbing into his bed on weekends, well I assumed it would stop when I stayed the night, 1 still climbed in. I said then and there to my partner that he needs to tell them they can’t. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my children in some other woman’s bed they are my children and I don’t feel comfortable with another woman’s child in mine, I also had my own children (much younger than his) whom I had stopped from sleeping in my bed so the rules had to be the same for the others when I’m there they can’t sleep with him. They didn’t like it but they got the picture pretty quickly. I mean I put a stop to it and never allowed it, its harder because you did.
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You need to let her dad parent her. Not you. She’s going to blame you. After all if you weren’t involved it wouldn’t be an issue. If dad really wants her out of his bed he needs to step up & talk to her. I feel like this is more about you being jealous of a child.
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If she’s old enough to question you and to be curious. She’s old enough to be spoken to frankly about bird’s and bees. She’s going to learn those things, even if she has to go to a person at school.
So better come from you, before she learns the wrong way
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I pray to God that you treat her like if she is your daughter. She needs a lot of love since her mother is not present.
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My son was til 7 and that’s because we had a newborn then and moved in with my now fiancé I personally don’t believe anyone should be sharing beds with children that are not biologically yours. I Had to put his bed on my floor for a while and my son would hold my hand to sleep and then he wouldn’t and then after so many nights of being used to sleeping in his bed I would lay with him in his room then he was eventually fine by the time baby came although my son stopped being as close to me when I like forced him out so you should try to be very careful BC to me it’s more of a security thing! Good luck! And tell dad he needs to be the one to handle this!
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I can’t give you any advice. We have custody of my grandson and he sleeps with me still at 10. He has a choice of two rooms! That are both his. I think it is an abandonment issue because of his mother leaving.
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Should not be sleeping in the parents’ bed at that age. Really, not long before that.
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Put a mattress on the floor next to the bed and encourage her to sleep on that! Once she is comfortable doing that slowly move her to her own room. Make it a girls day and let her pick out stuff for her room and then make it a big deal, slowly she will get there! Both my boys slept in my room till they were 11/12 and I did exactly what I said to you and it worked just took longer to go to the bed on floor to their own beds but they were out of mine! Granted I didn’t have a man in my bed it was just my son. They are 11 years apart so once one stopped the other one started! 
Girls may be different but it worked for me!
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I honestly feel like her father needs to be the one to do that
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Sleep with her in her own bed for a few nights until she falls asleep. Maybe shes afraid to sleep by herself.
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She’s always going to be mad at you for something especially if her mum isn’t around so you might aswell just put your foot down about the sleeping in your bed, it’s not allowed and that’s that imo
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Daddy needs to talk to her.
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Personally I’d rather not be in a relationship if my Children and bonus children didn’t come first. You’ve been on this planet for how long? and she’s been on this earth for how long? Seems quite tragic to me Mom isn’t in the picture for whatever reason and this poor little darling Seems a little lonely and lost? Probably a bit heartbroken to. Until Family counseling is completed I’d bite the bullet at be a big girl and sleep on the couch. But I can sacrifice and be happy knowing of my childrens comfort. May God grant you and you family peace and guidance
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Set a new routine at bedtime.in her own room maybe even lay down with her and read stories. You can take turns with your husband throughout the week. Make bedtime exciting if that makes sense. Such as picking an outfit for the next day etc., Yes there will be an adjustment period (screaming crying breakdowns dramatics) but hold your ground and be CONSISTENT calm and collected. She’s 8 so I’m sure she is super drama 
eventually it will become routine to be ready for bed. 
Good luck. Dad might have to take the reins on this too so make sure y’all stay on the same page as well. Good luck to you both.
#weWONthebedbattlewithkids😂
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No is a complete sentence. I would not be arguing with a child on a boundary I set, once I already explained the reasons why I said no.
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No. Hell no.
At her age she knows way more than you think she does. I promise.
This sounds extremely manipulative and toxic.
Not to mention at that age inappropriate.
Shut this shit off.
Now.
I absolutely hate to say it because it sounds horrible as hell, but her behavior could easily cause massive massive problems between the two of you or end you. (Step mom myself. Not talking out my ass. ) I’ve been dealing with an extremely manipulative child for over 8 years now. It’s been a constant struggle.
I would get it if it were a bad dream or being really sick. But my own kids aren’t even allowed in my room by that age. That might sound really fucked up but we as adults need privacy. Especially once they’re out of their pure innocence stage. Which she very very clearly is.
Set those boundaries and don’t let up.
Don’t be afraid to upset her. She’s a person. Not a paper thin tea cup you can’t repair.
Tell her no. It won’t damage her in any way.
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8 is Not too young to answer questions. You don’t need details. But she’s learning on the streets so just answer her so she’s not curious
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Dad should be the one telling her to sleep in her own bed not you. It should have been him from the start but at least moving forward it needs to be him. He needs to make it clear he feels she’s to old to sleep in bed with you and not blame it on you.
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Your husband is the one that needs to put his foot down about this, not you. While I’m sure you love her and she loves you, she’s going to make you out to be the “bad or mean one” if you “force” her out. Her Dad needs to be the one to say no more.
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I’d place a mattress in the room or maybe sleep in her room till she gets used to being in her room. To me it sounds like she has separation issues or maybe is even a bit lonely. When I was growing up (screwed up) I needed to have someone sleeping next to me or I’d completely have a meltdown. I didn’t grow up with my mom or dad
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Your the adult and what you say goes especially when it comes to your bed. Avoiding certain topics isn’t keeping her from hearing them. Kids talk about that stuff younger and younger.
I would say take her shopping for new bedding & let her re-do her room to make it exciting for her to sleep in. Maybe put a comfy chair for you or dad to sit with her why she gets used to it.
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Its not your deal… that should be your husband’s deal … my ex wife pulled this crap with her grown 16 year old son… it was the beginning of the end of our marriage.
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You can sleep together in her own bed, and then if she already sleep you can transfer to your bed, or you can read some story for her inside her own room.
Tell her you need privacy and that she doesnt need her own room if shes not gonna use it. Not to mention how disrespectful if her it is to not sleep in the bed yall have provided for her. There are kids who would love to have their own room much less a bed. Even if she shares a room the point still stands. Also stop being afraid to say I told you so. And dad needs to help you put this foot down.
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Let her fix her room up, she can do princess or something her likes.
Where does his other child and your child sleep??? Your husband needs to tell her!!!
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Maybe her father should speak to her.
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Your reason behind her not sleeping in the bed make no sense at all.
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When we had the same issue with our daughter her Dr told us that if she wanted to sleep in our room she had to sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. After a few uncomfortable nights she finally wanted to start sleeping in her own bed. We kept the sleeping bag on the floor for a little bit just in case (and I did wake up to her being there a couple times) but she knew that in our bed was no longer allowed.
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8 is more then old enough to understand.
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Maybe put a twin bed in your room to start with get her use to it then work on her room with a night light. Or lay down with her till she is asleep
Let the dad talk to her about moving to her own room, also talk to her about the stuff she asks about because as much as you try to ignore it, she will still continue to hear from that person. Find easier terms to explain to her and also tell her what is good and bad. It is a new era where kids can get information from anywhere and if you don’t talk to her openly, she might even go to the extent of experimenting wanting to find out more.
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Needs to be Dad. She’s sleeping there to be close to him so he needs to set that boundary and find other ways to bond with her to fill the gap.
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Tell her that she’s getting older and is turning into a young woman who needs her privacy, just like adults need their privacy. Get her excited to redo her room anyway she likes. If she still insists sleeping in your room, tell her since she is old enough to understand that adults need their own space if she sleeps in your room she has to sleep with a sleeping bag on the floor. I doubt she’s going to like that for long. Honestly she is plenty old enough to understand and she may be starting her period in the next year or two so reality is she does need her own space. Keep it positive and make it about her growing up. At that age there is a sense of pride in getting older and being able to do things/understand things because you’re growing up. Make her seem important and grown up, rather than coming from a place of it being inappropriate. If you approach it the right way, it will be a compliment rather than her feeling like she’s being kicked out. If that doesn’t work… dad needs to handle it. If anyone is going to be the bad guy it should be him.
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I have a step daughter who is 11 years old and she sleeps in our room but in a different bed that is right next to our bed and we are in no rush to get her in her own bed
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Maybe try taking her shopping and allowing her to choose her own bedding to create a space for her
And just drawing the line
Sorry kid
8 is the cut off
Santa said so
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Be firm and stick to it!! Too old to sleep in bed with dad
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Sounds like a child with abandonment issues and possibly on the spectrum
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So idk get her a councilor and maybe have you and dad take turns tucking her in at night
You need to tell this child outright that she has to get in her own bed. Absolutely enforce it. How do you even have a life with your husband? This child knows better. Your husband knows better. Put her in her bed and let her scream it out. Not normal to let an 8 year old make the rules about your bed.
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Move them.
Thanks for stopping by my TED talk.
Sounds like separation anxiety to mme.Perhaps she’s afraid she’ll lose her father as well. Let the father handle it.
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I had this issue with my stepdaughter when she was like five six but nipped it in the butt right away she’s very immature for her age but I still sat her down told her listen little one this is the deal you have your own room your own bed you’re a big girl you need to sleep in it no if ands or buts about it and her dad was right there with me and backed me up had to lock the room the first couple of nights but she finally got the hint I also do come from a military family so I have a very strict demeanor
Talk to her together so she knows it’s not just you and then take her shopping. Get her a cute sheet set and some fun accessories for her room. Make it a space she wants to be in and maybe try first moving her to a mattress on the floor for a while and then out of the room. As far as having adult conversations if she’s old enough to be asking questions she’s old enough for honest answers. You don’t want her to be getting incorrect or potentially dangerous misinformation from other people and the internet is a bad place for a kid to try to look up stuff like that. You never know what black hole you’ll fall down.
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I’m not saying the dad would ever abuse her or anything by saying this but kids can handle talking about sexual abuse and what it is what they can’t handle is being sexual abused it’s important for kids to learn what’s appropriate and not appropriate, If you don’t talk to her honestly about what she questions you about she will look for answers elsewhere that could put her in a situation where she could be sexually abused
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Her father should be the one to tell her . Difficult enough being the stepmom.
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If it was a child you and your husband had together it wouldn’t be an issue …I have a 14 year old step son and he is more then welcome to sleep in our bed next to his dad … we only have him for a short time and he knows he’s welcome any time …if they ask you questions you answer them as honestly as you can …you should treat her as you would treat your own child …trust me it won’t be long for her to want nothing to do with you both… let her be little and enjoy her daddy it doesn’t have to be every night if she lives with you guys primarily … but make it a weekend thing or two nights a week her choice …the rules at our house is if our bedroom door is locked it’s because we’re taking a shower or getting dressed other than that our door is open and you’ll be very surprised when you do that… how little they come in … being 8 is scary and that’s what daddies are for
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Maybe let her decorate her bedroom and paint her room? Make it a space she loves to be in
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Let your husband handle it.
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Judging by what you’ve said, (I’m making an assumption here) the child only has you and dad. You’ve stated you are the only female role model which is amazing, but does this child have trauma ? This is a massive abandonment thing… which is being fed by still allowing it. I would seek a councillor, shop for new room stuff.
I work with kids, and some that have been in this position up until their teen years, these are the kids that struggle in nearly every way. Mainly started by trauma.
If this isn’t the reason, I still think a sit down with someone would help a bit here.
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Don’t feel bad about it. Tell her no more sleeping in your bed. And every time she goes to get in your bed just straight up tell her NO. My kids thought I was playing. I made sure they ended up in their beds at the end of the night. Idc how much they fought me I straight up said no and took them to their beds and told them I didn’t care anymore they were too big and I’m tired of being smashed in the bed and having no privacy.
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8 year old? What is happening new in her life she is way too old for that
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If you don’t want her getting false info, then talk to her. She is 8, she is old enough to understand and there is nothing shameful about the human body. Girls are starting their periods at 8/9 now so how long do you plan on waiting?
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I don’t blame you for not wanting her in your bed. She is definitely too old for that. I don’t care what anyone says.
Co-sleeping was not a thing for us. No offense to anyone!
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Nope. She needs her own bed.
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Report it to the school please you might be the reason this kid stops being sexually abused for starters. Never ignore that they are mandated reporters! As for your bonus babe tell her dad to step the hell up and get his child in her own bed. You deserve to be married to your spouse not have to fight a mini wife who holds that over your head. 3 years of marriage and you don’t sleep with just your spouse? Nope I wouldn’t do it and this is coming from someone who had an ex who would sometimes let his 11 ye old sleep in his bed. Looking back I really question if he is a pedophile.
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I would sleep on the couch or in another room , until he sorted this. Give them some time to sort the situation. 
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Please sit with her and have a little age appropriate talk, you certainly don’t want her clueless, honestly they know more than we give them credit for. But she need the correct information. But the dad here needs to assert his place and say no absolutely not she needs her own room and so do ye.
Have the sex talk with her before her friend/kids at school fills her head with lies or stuff that is wrong.
Let her know about body parts that should be private and not see/touched by anyone. Tell her about Consent. Make sure she understands and ask questions. Answer her questions truthfully and ask if she understands. If she doesn’t try to draw pictures or make it really simple.
She needs to be given a hard no boundary that she is too sleep in her own bed don’t let her guilt trip you or her Dad. She is old enough that she needs her own privacy and her dad and you need your own privacy as well.
This is the second post in 2 days I’ve seen about a daughter sleeping with her dad. First off she isn’t too old to sleep her dad. Second if he doesn’t want her there, he should say something, but it sounds like he isn’t bothered that much. 3rd she is asking questions, stop making it weird and answer her honestly. Kids are smarter than you think. I truely don’t understand in this day and age why people can’t talk about the natural human body. She’s at a curious age, as soon as you take away the mystery of it, she won’t care. Just talk to her!
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8yo is old enough to understand. Answer questions simply and honestly. Make her room a place she wants to be…her choice of bedding , cushions etc…and explain that she’s getting older, her body will be changing and she needs her own private space…just like you and her dad.
Also let her know that you both love her and you’re only a room away if she wakens up scared etc
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I have a 10 year old who still sneaks in almost every night, or wakes me up to go into his room. He just doesn’t like being alone at night. If it makes you uncomfortable then you’ll have to do something but I’m of the mind set that they are only small once and to her it’s completely innocent. She just wants to be with her dad. Also, my boy started puberty at 8, I wouldn’t say it is too young to have a chat with her if you think she is started to catch on about normal things in life xx
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I would say have dad do it.
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It might help to call her a little lady so she feels she is indeed growing up.
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Take her on a special firls day and go shopping for some stuff that she like for her room. Maybe a pet fish she can look at as as falls asleep?get some cds with some nice music or audio books she likes. make her bedroom more exciting for her and praise her when she does sleep in her own room. It will be an adjustment for her but it will be good for to have some independence.
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New bedroom make over let her pick it all al including a new bed & nightlight if she’s scared once It’s all finished keep walking her back to her bedroom throughout the night if she wakes up until she eventually sleeps through in her own bed x
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Her dad needs to step up and make that a rule for her. He has vocal cords I’m assuming.
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Have her sleep on the floor. She’ll do that for awhile until she realizes it’s not comfortable and go back to her bed.
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Send her ass to her room who gives a crap if she’s mad. Go sleep in your bed she should have never been allowed to start this habit. Sick? Sure. Sad maybe. But she should always WAKE UP in her bed.
Maybe a slower transition. Set the rule she can sleep on the floor only in your room and slowly move her to her own bed…
u put her in her own bed and every time she tries coming into ur bed u take her back. shes old enough to understand consequences. after the 3rd time coming back and not listening to u. take something away.
give her melatonin. itll help her sleep. about 2 hrs before bed and she should go to sleep pretty easliy.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/how-to-get-my-8-year-old-stepchild-out-of-our-bed/12864
Personally for myself if I was to start dating then get serious and had them move in or me and my kids move in I would have my kids sleep in their own room. I wouldn’t allow someone in my bed if my kids are sleeping in my bed. And they have been sleeping in my bed since they where born. I would sleep on the couch until her dad can get her to full sleep in her own bed. It’s going to take time but by you sleeping on the couch she can see it’s not you and that he wants her to sleep in her own room. It’s going to take some time but he needs to be consistent with it every night he can’t let it slide just for one night it has to be every night!
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We put a cot at the end of our bed… he slept in it for about 6 months, then went to his bed
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There’s no way her dad can roll on an 8 year old by being a heavy sleeper. That statement alone makes me scared.
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How in gods name is she still in your bed at 8???
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If Bio mom is not in her life, where is this lil girl second home??
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Who is this “kid” teaching her adult stuff at school and WHY have y’all not addressed that with Teacher??? And WHY is she still around said kid!!! Are you serious?
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She didn’t JUST learn this she’s BEEN learned this and pretty soon she’s going to try or allow this “kid” at school to try if someone is not already trying it on the kid at school. Which, again, SHOULD BE ADDRESSED BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT KID IS BEING ABUSED.
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Put a bed or cot next to your bed, decorate her room, get as many night lights and bright lights as possible
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It’s NEVER too early to talk to children about sex. Do it now. She may be getting abused.
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Get that kid out of your bed and TALK TO HER. She may be getting abused.
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Shes 8, she understands older and younger, shes not a baby, if you don’t put ur foot down it will never happen until 12 lol or when she goes to sleep move her or make her get up and walk to her bed
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Don’t feel bad at all. She needs to 100% be in her own room/bed, especially being 8. The only thing we allow on occasions with my step daughter (who’s 9) is a snuggle Friday, meaning we can watch a show or movie as a family occasionally then if the little ones fall asleep, we wake them up and take them to bed. But we do not let any of the kids sleep in the bed with us overnight.
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You definitely seen to have bigger fish to fry. First things first, she’s 8…time to go to your bed and we aren’t going to negotiate about that. Set her room up cute and inviting and say welcome home! Next thing is find out where these specific questions are coming from and deal with that accordingly. 8 year old girls don’t ask about boners, they just don’t…no matter the situation. Find out where it comes from and end it. The longer she’s in your bed the more exposure she has to a grown mans body (father or not) and that can’t be happening, especially now that the questions have started. Get her out and don’t make excuses or feel sorry for her. She’s 8…time to go.
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Id suggest doing a night time routine with her if you haven’t started to do one. it does take some time. i am a mom who co slept with her child due to unforseen circumstances different from your own. my daughter is 9. she recently started sleeping in her own bed and room after we went out and picked out a few decorations and bed spread to get her excited to decorate her own space. we would spend some time in her room making her feel comforable. there are nights where i am stuck if you will staying in there but most times she is out like a light. its all about feeling safe. i found this out as she has gotten older and can voice her opinion.
i hope you can take this advice and maybe it will work if you havent tried to do so already!
Your husband needs to talk to her as well if that’s truly how he feels hearing it from just one parent won’t do anything.
Is there a reason she doesn’t want to sleep in her own bed ? Like separation anxiety for example? What if you make her room fun let her chose bedding and decorations it might help 
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I sometimes slept with my mum when I was 6+, up until i was about 11, mine was diagnosed as separation anxiety, as my dad died when i was 6, its important to look at all factors
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I sleep with my kids bcuz im single but if i was to start dating, they will sleep in their own beds. I totally understand what you mean, if the dad agreed then its time to be strict about it, it will be tough at first but stick to it and give it a week and youll have a kid free bed
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A cot in the same room, to wean her out of the bed, and then in her own space eventually.
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Boundaries stick to them. Maybe she needs some “inspiration” like a sticker chart and when she reaches an x amount of stickers for sleeping in her bed she gets a prize. idk
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When my husband and I met his kids were 7 and 6, they had 1-2 nights a week they got to have a sleepover in Dad’s bed. When we started staying together, I put a stop to that shit. No kids in the bed, just my rule. Whether she likes it or not, put your foot down, you are the adult. “Kids” are now 20 and 19 and they are just fine.