My boyfriend doesn’t trust me.
Hey mama’s. So my SO & I have been together for over 3 year’s, We are 15 year’s apart from eachother in age. He’s older. We have a 2 year old daughter & a baby on the way, I’m 18 week’s along. He has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. My SO has a huge problem with my ex’s, no biggie, their ex’s, I have not have had any kind of contacted with anyone of my ex’s since we started dating. So the problem is, I get tagged in a posts or if I share old memories on fb & sometimes once in a few month’s one of my ex’s from 6+ year’s ago likes the post I get tagged in or I post memory with tagged people in it but because my ex & I have 30 mutual friend’s\family\ acquaintances, depends who I tagged the post in, my ex can ovbisally see it. So when that happens and everytime is happens, my SO gets all weird about it & asks me oh are you talking to your ex again? Excuse me? “Again”? I haven’t talked to him since we got together. And everytime he saids something to me about it I tell him the same exact thing I told him last time. No I’m not talking to him, this & this is friends with him to. This last time I did get more upset about it & snap on him about it. My hormones have been through the roof with this pregnancy and he knows this and Yes I feel bad about snapping on him about it and I did apologize (Not that it is gonna matter I apologize because he’s a grumpy old man that takes everything so seriously) but I’m kinda hurt about to though because I haven’t done anything for him to think I’ve been talking to a ex. plus I don’t have time for that BS, that ex is married & has his own children & life like I don’t want anything to do with him. I feel like my SO is trying to catch me doing something or see if I’m gonna change my response to him about the situation. I don’t know what todo about it anymore. I talk to him. I tell him ya know I don’t have anything to hide which I don’t. I let him use my phone when he wants. I use his phone when I want. I know He looks through my messages & my phone when I’m sleeping. I’m not dumb, he’s been doing it for past 3 year’s we’ve been together. I don’t look through his because honestly I don’t care, I trust him & if he is doing me dirty behind my back then the truth will come out one day, that’s how I see it. He thinks just because he thinks a certain way or does things a certain way, I’m the same as him which is wrong because we are completely two different people. I don’t care if he has friend’s that are girl’s or goes out to the bar without me. I can’t hardly talk to a male friend without getting 180 questions from him about the person or once I asked him about a year ago, ya know would you be ok with just My best friend & I going out having a few drinks and playing pool at a bar once? Cause we never done that together before and he’s like i dont care your gonna do what you want anyways and it’s like well ok? Well now ya I’m gonna just do what I want because your acting this way towards me because of a question.
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So what I’m hearing is you got pregnant like, right away, before you actually knew him. You’re pregnant again and since you’re only 3 years into the relationship you’re just starting to see his true colours. The answer? Is to run as far as you can from him. That’s the answer.
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Clearly he has some insecurities, I guess due to the age difference? Perhaps he should see a therapist and you can support him in his endeavours to find out why he feels so inadequate…
Or why he thinks it’s his job to police you…
Or why you got 2 kids in under 3 years with a dude who don’t take you seriously enough to marry, but does wanna question you about every man you’ve ever spoken to and rummage through your DMs while you’re sleeping.
All valid questions to explore in therapy.
Good luck.
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I agree with Christina, it sounds like he’s doing something shady and is trying to blame you with his insecurities. Get out while you still can. I can say from experience it’ll just get worse. I understand pregnancy hormones go up and down but you shouldn’t have to defend yourself every time. You either trust each and have a great relationship or you both don’t trust each other and end it. Cuz without trust from both ends the relationship won’t work
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Run fast and far. The one who does this type of snooping/accusing is the one who’s doing dirt usually. If you can’t go out with a friend to a bar, the he shouldn’t expect you to be ok when he does it.
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Was he cheated on in the past?
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Eeww toxic ! Yea he’s blaming you I’d be the FBI looking thru this phone guilty people accuse and blame instead of coming clean. sounds hinky.
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I’d say he sure has a guilty conscience 🤷
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Easy. Tell him to trust you or go. Usually those accusing have some shady stuff. Would he like to be accused?
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Just block your ex to keep some of the issue at bay. Sounds like he had issues in past relationships. Maybe he thinks of you as above him and is afraid he will lose you or something. Really unless we are him we don’t know what’s running through his head. But most def block the ex.
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You want your children learning/growing up in this kind of environment? I would suggest you leave and focus on being a mama to your children. They are already exposed to him as their father, he most likely wont make it easy for you or them whether you stay or go.
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I had a guy like this except he was a raging alcoholic on top of it. The jealousy gets worse. He saw me talking to a guy that was in a group of people we were hanging out with that day, and he literally pissed on me. In front of everyone. I was humiliated. The jealousy gets worse and mine ended up getting physical and violent. Very often. Tell him if he can’t trust you then you don’t need to be together. Make him go to counseling with you so y’all can get to the root of your issues and if he can’t do these things then walk away.
He has trust issues and will not get better. Get counseling, if he will go.
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If you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything.
Maybe he’s insecure because you’re so much younger than him. Sounds like he’s afraid of you meeting someone closer to your age and being interested in them.
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Stop apologizing for being you he needs to accept you or go away
99% of the time, the accuser is the guilty party.
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Block your ex. Problem solved.
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An ex is an ex for a reason. Clean up your Facebook and get rid of all memories from past relationships, don’t share them. Unfriend all your exes. Problem solved.
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Idk i think its weird your sharing memories on fb that involves an ex. Also you can untag yourself as well from photos. Hes probably been hurt and has insecurities. As we all do.
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Sounds like he is hoping you are doing something wrong in hopes of making himself feel less guilty for something he may have or is doing
Either he is cheating or he is having a midlife crisis. Maybe he feels too old for you and thinks you might want something else that is better than him? Have you tried counseling?
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Sounds like he is very insecure because of the age difference. Knowing he has a younger woman in his life makes him feel like you’ll find someone younger than him. Either way, its not ok for him to behave in that manner. I suggest couples therapy only because they’re children involved. However, if he continues after therapy, just end it. Nothing worst than children growing up in a toxic home. You can still co parent. Wishing you all the best
Honestly i only read like half of this but if the problem is facebook posts just block your exs on facebook. So if yall are tagged in something you can both comment without seeing that the other did. Seems like a simple solution to me. I mean you dont have any contact with them anyway so itd be nothing to just block them.
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Block the ex’s on social media and that solves some of your issue?
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Idk, delete Facebook? Get a life? Go back to school and pass English class? There’s so many options…
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Was he cheated on in the past? Probably why he’s so insecure. If not then he’s just weird and you need to leave lol
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I’m just gonna say this… almost every single time anyone is accusatory and suspicious it is usually them projecting their own guilty feelings…
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There is a fine line between doing little things to keep the peace and giving into bad unhealthy behavior that will just continue to get worse. First it’s block the exs then its delete fb and all social media, then it’s you cant leave the house without me… it’s a slippery slope that I’ve been down and it gets out of control fast
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Why cant u and your x be friends. Im friends with my x, it doent mean u guys cant talk at all.
Why not block your ex? I dont see why he isnt blocked in the forst place🤔
I stopped reading mid way through. I couldn’t handle all that, it started giving me a headache.
Delete/block the EX.
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