How to get past cheating in a relationship?

How do you get past cheating in a relationship? He cheated on me years ago and I still seem to hold on to the past.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to get past cheating in a relationship?

I’m my opinion, you really don’t. Once someone cheats it’s time to move on :frowning:

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Therapy.
Start there.
If you truly can’t move passed it, you shouldn’t be with him.

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One day at a time. Until you realize you deserve better. Either hell decide to be better or youll decide to find better in someone else

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It’s always going to be there honestly.

You might get through it but never get over it. I know I won’t.

You don’t. Leave that cheater

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You never get over it trust me.

Im in thee same boat. I cant seem to get past him talking to other women about his feelings. When i am right beside him wondering how he is feeling. 🤦

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You don’t. Once a cheater always a cheater

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For me there would be no getting past it.

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In my opinion you can’t. I gave him multiple warnings about this female and he still did it anyway. He knew what he was doing and went ahead with it. I couldn’t get past it.

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you don’t. i don’t think it’s meant to truly be if ever did that to begin with. your sound mate would never even think about it.

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It’s hard to explain but here goes. You have to realize that it honestly had nothing to do with you!! I know that sounds crazy!! He didn’t cheat because of you though. He cheated because of his own self and his own insecurities. There are several factors that play into it. Like who it was with? How long did it last? Where it was? How did you find out? Has he been transparent with it? Ect… Need more back story. You won’t truly “Get over it” it will always be there. You are allowed to visit those feelings and feel them and then move on. He can’t keep saying sorry though. If you felt like you haven’t got the apology you deserve. Then address it but address it with as much grace, and empathy as possible. If he can’t give you what you need then my next step would be marriage counseling. Counseling helps so much!!

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You will never fully move on if you can’t forgive. Lingering on something from the past will never give you the chance to move on. It’s okay to ask questions and talk about it when you think about it. But if you’re lingering on it THAT much, than you either need to leave or seek family counseling.

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You don’t, in the end it will break you, my ex did the same to me I never got over it

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This is my best piece of advice. I haven’t dealt with it in my marriage but in the past i have. If you are not going to leave— you have to find a way to cope and let it go. Not necessarily completely let it go, but just stop letting it come between who you two are now. If you decide to stay you have to decide to not be miserable in the process. So if it isn’t something you would leave over, don’t make yourself and your household miserable over it. If you can’t do that, you need to leave and be happy somewhere else.

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Here’s the thing if your partner loved you in the first place there would of been no room to cheat. So here’s the thing you just don’t get “over” someone cheating on you. Well you do kinda but it kinda follows you into ur new relationships like a freaking creep in the night so you might wanna get some therapy. So if I was you I’d get out of this current relationship with this cheating partner of yours get some therapy and try to move on in life. Take it from someone who tried to make it work with someone who cheated on them it doesn’t work it just messes with ur mind, makes you into some damn messed up crazy person and further more just bad for the soul so do yourself a favor and get the French toast out. Maybe you’ve already done the self damage like I did but there is healing that can be done as well it just takes time and unfortunately I’m still working on that it’s the worst feeling in the entire world.

You won’t ever. My ex cheated, I still feel like he was my soul mate, I was crazy in love with him. But I chose to close that chapter, I knew I would never be able to trust him. It’s been 8 years and I’ve never regretted it, never looked back. I’ve also never had another relationship, but being alone is better than being in a relationship without trust. That just kills you slowly from the inside.

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I’m one of those people who truly believe you can get through your significant other cheating because I’ve been through it with my current relationship. It does take a lot of work and counseling, but after showing me he wanted to put the work in to repair our relationship and actually doing the work, is when I truly forgave him and moved passed it. I hate the phrase, “Once a cheater always a cheater,” because that’s not always the case. It did take a lot to forgive and move pass it, but here we are, 2 years later currently pregnant with baby #2 and getting married in September. Both of you, especially your partner, has to be willing to work on it and fix it

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It’s hard. Everyone saying once a cheater always is full of it. Ive been a cheater and he forgave me. Now the thing is…he keeps cheating and my dumb arse stays because “i did it first” but im getting to the point where i know better. Ive been faithful and he keeps doing it knowing hes hurting me. 9 year relationship on the last straw

You can forgive
but you never forget

U won’t. It will eat you up.

You should’ve left years ago…

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Communication and understanding. Figuring out what went wrong in the first place. Then create the spark again make the relationship exciting like it was in the beginning. Bring back the butterflies and explore each other like it’s the first time, everytime.

Now all of this takes work and time and both of you have to be committed to the relationship and trying to get past the hurt. If and when you get past it you have to be fully past it you can’t bring it up in arguments in the future because that will only damage the trust you’ve built.

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Everyone is different we can’t tell you how to get past it. Some people can work it out and move past it and some people can’t. Everyone is different.

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You either accept, forgive, let it go & move on or end the relationship. Don’t mean to sound harsh, that’s just the reality of it. You must choose to come to terms with it & trust that it won’t happen it again, but that doesn’t mean it won’t. I hope that it doesn’t & wish you all the luck & love in your relationship

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You don’t, time to leave

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Once a cheater always a cheater

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If you dont let it go, itll keep eating at you and itll ruin your peace. You have a choice to make… either let it go and stay in the past by moving on and giving him trust again.
Or leave so you no longer have to worry about him cheating again.

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Therapy for you, marriage counseling for you both. Give it a year or two to see how it goes (you have to do the work though), then make a decision as to whether you can live with him or you need to leave.

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5 years i was with my ex tryinng to forgive him for cheating, again, and again, but in the end i said F-U and i went and found myself a man that truly loves me, would do anything for me, never have to worry about unfaithfulness again

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IMO if you stay and say that you want the relationship then it’s done with no throwing it in his face or bringing it up … you forgave but you will never forget

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Get rid of the reason you’re reminded everyday.

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Just walk away. Aren’t you tired of making yourself feel the way you do. If you can’t forgive him and you probably never will, separate to make both of your life happier.

I had that happen 13 years ago with my husband. 5 years after that I was always skeptical of everything. Finally after him realizing that I was gonna leave he changed. 6 months later I got pregnant with our first child. In the past 7 years he hasn’t talked to any girls he has never cheated again. I still have my moments where I worry. But I had to go onto anti depressants. Now we’re getting ready to have our 2nd child a boy. It takes time and work. If they wanna change they will. If not than it’s not worth staying.

You don’t. personally just walk away you won’t be able to get over it.

(Just my opinion) If they want the relationship to work they will put in the effort and hopefully never put you in that situation again, if you don’t think you can do it anymore save yourself further heartbreak & pain and walk away. If you want it to work talk it all out get everything off your chest and be honest about your feeling, see how they respond to that and maybe possibily try some couples therapy to help you work through the feelings and find a healthy way to heal together , it will take a long time because unfortunately your brain doesn’t just flick a switch and forget.

Once a cheater always a cheater in my mind

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Why make yourself miserable and stay if you not over it? I understand you can forgive but not forget but what’s the point if you still holding on to the past

From experience you will never get over it, cheating is one of the worst betrayals in my opinion. There will never be any trust between you now. But ultimately you have to choose to stay and have daily doubts or move on and find someone who will truly love you and respect your relationship!

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You don’t :woman_shrugging: it’s exhausting mentally. The stress, the worry, the wonder.

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I don’t think you can.

Even if they do change and it never happens again, you’ll never be over it… it’ll always be there in your mind… :frowning:

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It never goes away lol

U know how to get past it? Walk right out and never let him hear another word from u.

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If you can’t let it go then you need to let him go… or you two need to get professional help.

I thought I could. I forgave him but never forgot or trusted him again. Stayed in an almost 10yr marriage. He cheated many many years with different girls. One of the last girls he cheated on me with she got pregnant (she was my best friend) I knew then I would never get over that fact. I would not be able to continue the relationship/marriage seeing that baby (yes I know not her fault at all. I don’t blame her at all.) on our time. But I never let go of the past cheating prior to that girl which lead me to be angry towards him during. But he never stopped so I gave up. My life has been a roller coaster because of that. But I wouldn’t have all 4 of my girls. (2 with ex hub, 2 with current boyfriend)

First step if you want to continue is letting it go again and start building trust again. But I think to do so you need professional help of some kind. (In my opinion.)

Yes we would have attempted to get help but he didn’t want to (prior to him having the baby) there was a point I didnt want to seek it also…

I couldn’t… ruined us!

Think no matter how much you try too. It’ll never go away

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It all depends on the situation. Did he tell you or did you find out yourself? Did he apologize for it, and not have any further contact with the female? Did he ask you, your feelings about it and if you were able to forgive him and move on, not forget but forgive him for it? Would you be able to not bring it up every time an argument or disagreement happens? Then there’s the main part, the one that means the most if he really is sorry. Does he show you that he’s trying to help you move forward with his actions in what he does?

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I am trying but sometimes it eats at my mind specially thinking is he where he said he was who is he texting and sometimes I am ok with it all.

I mean, you guys could try counseling if you want to make it work. If you can’t get past it, do yourself the favour and move on.

Leave. Don’t stay in a toxic relationship where you aren’t respected.

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Unfortunately, you don’t. Once the trust is broken it is unrepairable. The only options you have is to terminate the relationship or choose to live with the betrayal.

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Is accosting a girl with the intent for sex considered cheating? Asking for a friend.

You don’t. Its like trying to glue pieces of broken glass together expecting the shards to fit perfectly like they once did.

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Get a whole new man.

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I don’t think I would be one who could stay, but I have known some who have stayed. Good luck in you moving forward to find your peace.

lots of therapy. you work on trust if you really want the relationship to work. if he shows he changes and everything you can work on trust. my husband cheated 2017, i was pregnant and he showed he did want us. it’s hard at times but my trust has been alot better.

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if you can’t get pass it, leave, But you can try therapy & maybe that will help, But again, if you can’t get pass it, leave

It’s been years & you can’t get past it so it’s time to leave. You have to either accept & move on or nothing but resentment builds on both sides.

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From my experience U get a divorce. My ex husband cheated & got her pregnant.
Once the trust was broken I was done. I knew I’d never trust him to go anywhere again. He met her at work.
I didn’t want my child (son) growing up in a home thinking that kinda behavior was normal or accepted.
Your setting examples for your children and for me that was a bad one.
U have to know your worth and don’t settle just because the lifestyle is comfortable. U deserve so much more.

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If you can’t leave. If you choose to stay accept that it happen, accept it might happen again. But you can’t hold it against him or hold on it.

But you have to accept it and truly forgive.

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If you can’t move past it you should be forced to stay

You don’t. Literally just leave.

My clients tell me the guided sessions about starting over emotionally helped them the most.

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You can’t. That’s why people end the relationship. The pain and thoughts of it never go away

You won’t get over it.

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Then stop holding on him, you have let one of them to go

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Something in my relationship happened that wasn’t quite cheating but broke our boundaries. I tried moving past it. A year later i still had so much resentment so i finally made myself leave and it was the best decision i ever made. We had been together 6 years and had a 3 year old together so it was definitely hard but so worth it

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Need trust building. Therapy.
If no to both then you leave

You don’t. Burn the entire relationship down.

Personally don’t think anyone ever gets over it or even past it. They just get used to lying to themselves eventually losing themselves in the process, then they can’t figure out why they’re not happy or even how to be happy. You can’t heal in the same environment that broke you.

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You may need some therapy. You may forgive but you will never forget. Some people just cant move beyond it but many can. It takes hard work but it can be done if BOTH people truly want to make it work.

You either hold on to him or hold on to the betrayal. My husband cheated on me as well about 3 years ago and it still stings to this day. But I decided that I loved him and we made it work. Counseling helps a lot. I got to tell my feelings and explain my side and so did he. In a safe space. Nobody could ignore or talk over the other one. It really depends on the persons involved and the situation for me. I made him miserable for a whole year after it happened. I made him pay for it every day. But in turn that was making me miserable as well. So we sought counseling as I was not ready to throw 13 years away. And neither was he. We are in a much better place now. And I’m thankful that I stayed and worked it out. But it’ll always sting.

I would have left when the cheating happened but that’s me I guess.

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If it’s been years with no progress, the trust just isn’t there anymore. You probably won’t be able to trust him again, not like you did before he cheated.

Some people can/do compartmentalize better than others. I think they just separate themselves from what happened. Most of us can’t and don’t ever move past it. I think once someone cheats that’s it, the relationship is never the same. Once that trust has been broken it will never be the way it was before

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You never get over bein cheated on by a person you love…once the trust is gone so is the relationship…I have learned the hard way that once someone cheats they will do it again eventually …

Cheaters almost always cheat again if they get away with it because they know you’ll forgive them. I’ve never stayed with a cheater & I’ll leave if a man chews his food in a way I don’t like it’s that easy :joy: leave & move on

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You don’t, you’ll never fully trust him again.

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Once a cheater always a cheater. Cut your losses and move on.

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You don’t. 11+ years wasted. Attempts at therapy were made. No lasting results. An unbelievably painful divorce. Nearly everyone we know, now knows me as the “bad guy”. Even though everyone knows he’s the liar and the cheat, I’m wrong for leaving and finding happiness. :roll_eyes:. Makes no sense.

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You never will. Move on

You gotta move on or don’t ! Every relationship has flaws I’ve been with my man 12 years and we been through some shit together! It’s always gonna be in your mind I suggest therapy or breaking up honestly. It’s all up to some people can never get there it and that’s okay but others learn to live with it and be forgiving. The choice is yours

Either let it go or leave

You don’t.
You just have to move on, with or without the partner.

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You don’t. You won’t ever. It’s always going to be in the back of your mind what he did and it’s always going to make you feel like shit.

To be honest, if he cheated once, he’s probably cheated more than that, you just don’t know about it.

The only question here is can your relationship survive without trust? if it is to make it you need to decide what type of organ trust was - a kidney where you can still survive with just one, or a heart where its game over, everybody’s different but people who say trust can be rebuilt are lying to themselves, their inner voice never forgets

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You don’t get over it trust me

I don’t think you ever really get over it I feel like it’s always just still lingering in the back of your head try not to be an overthinker and if you’re wanting to continue in the relationship you guys are both going to have to put forth effort not 50/50 100 from each of you and I would definitely suggest some marriage counseling maybe try some on your own first and then try it together

You don’t. He chose to share his mind and body with another woman. What kind of person stays with someone who did that?

Both go to therapy and then have group sessions with both of you AND your therapists. Get it all out in the open. Work through it together

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Either you forgive and forget or you have to move on. I know it’s not easy. But it’s not fair to you to live feeling like they’re gonna do it again. You deserve to be happy and not worrisome.

I was the stupid 1 put up with cheating for 23 yrs when out got a new life and never look back

It’s not a mistake if he learned something from it. If it’s continued, then he’s a cheater.

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Nope I won’t do it, I can’t never lower my self worth like that. A man that cheats don’t love you, he would have never done or thought of it. Ik that’s harsh but it’s reality alott of woman can’t see the reality of life. Nope there is the door :door: never ever lower your self worth. At the end you you wished you should have left then, woman really take it hard then men. You don’t deserve that, the fact it happened nothing you can do is either stay or leave. Your choice is in your hands. They say I’ll never do it again guess what lies!!! Be smart and not fall for the I’m sorrys and never do it again. They try to make you think and convince you they won’t.

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U do not ever get over it. But if u really truly love that said person and been honest with u since n hasn’t cheated since. Maybe u could move forward. If u still feel the hurt n can’t move past it it’s best for ur sanity and health to thro him away n start fresh

I definitely don’t think it’s something that’s easy. But absolutely doable if both people are willing to start fresh. Meaning it can’t be brought up and thrown in their face, or used as an arguing tool. But that being said the one who has cheated needs to be 100% open book, for the rest of their life if that’s what needed. No locks on phones, you knowing the passwords, not that you should constantly be checking, just completely honest and open . And the one who is cheated on needs to be completely honest as well. If you were feeling insecure, or a situation rubs you the wrong way and you need to let your partner know that it’s bringing up memories. But only you will truly know if it was a one-time thing. If you think he may do it again then there may not be any hope. If it was a one-time stupid mistake, out of character, and obviously depending on the circumstances, and it’s at least worth a try I say. Good luck❤ do what you can but don’t make yourself miserable

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