When any of my sons tried to throw a tantrum i usually ignore them. Or the y get taken out of the store. But at home they go to their room and sit until they decide they can be reasonable.
What ever you do, ensure your daughter understand that is the only 1 time she can behave like that…i think most parents would have gotten the 'I hate you, wish you we werent my mom ’ dnt rest on that… Be the parent… she will apprecite you in the long run…
Stay strong, keep firm… make the consequences of your actions count…
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If it’s not her norm and the first time she behaved this way maybe she was tired and emotional? Maybe something else is bothering her?
You did the right thing by making her go right to the car with that behavior and not giving in.
If it’s a new, progressive behavior. She’s learned somewhere that she can get her way if she behaves a certain way.
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Don’t be humiliated . Every child will test thier parent, stay calm, in control . Not all children respond to ass whooping, she will need to stay home if she chooses to have a hissy, then go with out her
my 3 year old doesnt have tantrums very often but when she does i ly down on the floor with her and kick my legs just like her a scream. She was so in shock she got straight up and stopped😅 hasn’t happened since
I would not drag my son , but “usher“ him to a bench outside the store or mall. I would then tell him this…”let me know when you’re done”. Usually 5-10 minutes tantrum would be over
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Get on her level and talk to her. Young kids have a hard time expressing themselves and will lash out in negative ways. My daughter is 2.5 years old and has done this and I ask her if shes had a bad day or not at daycare and sometimes her answer is “yes”. Things in the store could of also overwhelmed her, the amount of people for example. Reinforce to her that it’s okay to have a bad day, but it’s not okay to lash out at you the way she did, which in turn caused her to get punished example such as her favorite toy being taken. Reinforce positive behavior.
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My son acted like this when he was 3, I bought a bean bag, and whenever he had an episode I would put him on the bean bag and make him stay there, everytime he got up.i would put him back on it, after a few weeks his tantrums stopped, just keep focus momma it will all turn out ok, he’s 12 now and a very well behaved preteen! 
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You was doing the right thing by taking her out of the store.
Im so sorry to hear that. Maybe trying to see what May have triggered her acting up. Something that was done different in her routine. Sometimes the slightest change in their schedule can trigger such behavior.
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Every child is different girl… It depends on what they respond to! You have to find what works for your child. And it may be a spanking or it may be getting down on their level and trying to talk to them or maybe it’s timeouts. Regardless it’s up to you as parents to find out what works for your child as an individual! Children respond to punishments differently. Good luck on figuring it out though! I have raised 4 ( 3rd one just graduated so I have only one more at home 
) and the punishment was different for all of them. You will figure it out
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My grandkids did this with me. Yep they got a spanking right there in the store. Spare the rod spoil the child. They haven’t done it again. Nip in the butt at the time as its happening.
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Its the unpopular opinion, but WOOP HER ASS. My boys both have had their butts spanked, but I also use timeout and quiet time. But they have only pulled a stunt like that once and that was enough.
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Maybe she is tired? Had a long day? Had a bad day? Kids have emotions too and sometimes don’t know how to express them and can over react to small things like that. When I sit down to see what’s really wrong and try to talk to them, they will tell me that they are tired or whatever they are really upset about. It helps a lot and they calm down after getting it off their chest. It helps with me anyway. They have grown and not acted like that very much because we have an open dialog about our emotions.
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I had one of mine do this so I waited next time I reversed it an i threw the tantrum then questioned now didn’t mommy look silly? Did it work and I got what I wanted? Did you notice other people doing it or were they staring? How could this been avoided and explain how we think we could have gotten a/the reward. 
Be more conscious of how you’re speaking with her before you even arrive at the store. Be clear of your goals. Tell her what you’re shopping for today and could she help you choose what to pick out please ( we need apples next, should we choose the red or the green?)
By giving her jobs, and choices to make that seem important, you’re keeping her engaged and making her feel important.
At the end of shopping you can tell her she did a great job helping and if she would like to pick something for herself from the items YOU choose as appropriate, then she may.
It may take time. She may continue with the tantrums until she’s learned how to behave appropriately to get what she wants.
If she does throw another tantrum, do not engage the behavior. Take her out to the car and let her cry it out there. Stand outside the car and don’t engage the behavior. When she’s finally calm again, ask her if she’s ready to finish shopping. If she says no, and seems agitated, give her another few minutes. Tell her that’s fine, you can both wait here until she is ready to act appropriately in the store. And then don’t engage. See the pattern?
At home maybe during dessert, start conversations about how we act when we’re out with mommy. Be cheerful, fun, but clear. Use shorter sentences, easy to understand language. Make eye contact. Be loving.
Then when you go out next, drop cheerful reminders before exiting the vehicle.
Good luck.
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It’s not the 80’s anymore, do what you see fit now days
Could be autism meltdown
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Stick to what you say don’t fold and hold your ground your the boss mumma not her you got this and if that don’t work woop her butt
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Sounds like she is used to getting her way and when she did not this is the result. Expectations & basic rules should be started at a young age. You raise a child with zero expectations-of behavior that acceptable - you will get this result.
If you don’t have control at 5 you will never have it, so what they say handle it now…good old fashion spanking works wonders for changing an attitude…I raised 2 good boys, on my own after their dad left…and I have 8 grandkids, mostly boys…they don’t test me even at 18 and 6’2…good luck but do it fast.
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no offense but i would whoop her ass… And after she calms down from her whooping i will let her know if i say no its no…
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You created the monster. It should only take one or 2 tantrums for a child even at 4 to realize that is unacceptable behavior. Parenting need to own up to their parenting flaws. This talk to them softly, get on their level, they are overly sensitized, let them express themselves, is just malarkey.
Now there’s behavior where grace needs to be shown ( sick, overly tired, etc) but a trantrum bc they were told no is unacceptable and most often bc the parents said yes too many times.
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My sis did it best at the first sign of the tantrum she gave the mom look and sternly said do you honestly think that behavior will work? When the 3rd came around one time…her two older kids said do you really think that will work? No issues.
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She needs a spanking
She literally threw the biggest fit bc she couldn’t get her way and have a book. I’m assuming you explained to her why she couldn’t have the book and she still chose to throw a fit.
Trust me, she knew what she was doing.
You need to toughen up and spank her.
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Read the book How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. Lots of good techniques in there to diffuse situations or prevent them from starting. Best guess, she was tired or hungry or just had too much that day. All we can control is our reaction (and that is hard!). It makes all the difference in the world how you react. Every technique I’ve used from that book has worked.
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I have a 4 and 5 year old. My 5 year old is the one who has melt downs in the store. Even before we go into the store I remind them what we are going for. Usally turns into full on screaming melt down over some toy she wants. I carry on and ignore the behavior, people can look at me all they want but I’m not embarrassed we have all been there. I remind my daughter that everyone is watching her and that usually brings her back down . I dont have the choice to drag her out to the car every time so i Ignore the bad behavior
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Figure out any underlying issue is she tired, overstimulated, hungry etc if none of that is the issue try to understand she had an explanation and it didn’t happen and she doesn’t know how to express those feelings. Is this the first time you told her no. Try sitting and talking with her my son waited until he was 6 and I blame myself for spoiling him and sometimes they both get a spanking because I don’t want disrespectful spoiled kids. Hang in there mom you will get through this we’ve all been there. She just needs to learn that’s not acceptable behavior
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My son is almost 2 and hits his head on the nearest hard object when he’s angry. He will try to hit the cats or dogs when he’s angry. I talked to his doctor about it and she told me that he doesn’t know how to express his anger so he just lashes out. She told me to stay as calm as possible and talk to him, and try to help him find another outlet for his anger. It’s really hard sometimes.
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We’ve all been there! Don’t beat yourself up. You know your child best, so maybe some of these suggestions will hold water and some won’t. Was your daughter super hungry/tired? Was she WAY over stimulated? Has she been through a lot of change lately? I try to remember that the Covid world has been like 50% of what she remembers of life, so really going to the store etc is probably a little foreign to her, maybe? Just follow through again and again and it will suck, but it will be worth it.
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First of all don’t take those aggression targetted towards you. It’s a sign of trust. My son has had bad meltdowns too. It’s hard for young children to deal with their emotions. Usually when my son acts up It’s because there is something else going on (tired, hungry, bored etc). I usually try to talk to him when that happens. Let him know it wasn’t nice and see what he wants. I think you did the right thing by removing her from the store. You are doing good
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It’s a stage. Be firm. When she says awful things, tell her that makes you sad.
The best way to diffuse this behavior, once home is to isolate her in her room and until she calms down.
When she’s reentered the rational world, ask her what happened and explain how that behavior won’t be tolerated.
Help her w coping skills when she’s very upset or angry.
Good luck
Better get her to the doctor right away.
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That has happened to me. Take them out of the store right away. Stay consistent.
What you need to do is find a Mexican friend that you trust and let your child go over that will straighten them up real quick my grandparents would have never let us get away with that hell all you really need to do is take them to the restroom and say when we get home you are in trouble and be stern
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We’re all human, when you have a bad day and maybe you’re a bit stroppy with your husband or you take something out on him does he respond physically?! We don’t need to spank or be physical with our child we need to educate them however that takes time. Believe me they push us to the brink of insanity at times but they won’t learn not to be a brat or to handle their emotions and reactions in the way we want them to by having a lesson taught like that, they will just become harder and generation repeated itself to their kids, would you like to see your child strike their kid one day.
She’s of an age where she understands so you have to stand firm you are boss and you take control and you can discipline her, but not by her overpowering you and you breaking down in the situation and in front of her (appreciate it’s hard but try to let it out when she’s in bed) and not be hitting her (I know you didn’t).
Sounds like she’s starting a phase that needs you to stand strong battle of the wills and discipline, and get your husband involved too with the discipline or telling her that she doesn’t treat you that way and why etc.
Remember it’s all a phase they go through so many
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Hear me out. You can also debrief with her and let her know she is entitled to her feelings its how she expressed it that’s the issue. Actions have to have consequences and even if it’s time out at home or removal of her favorite things. Just be consistent bc you set the standard not her
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Keep up your good parenting. She is simply testing you. Don’t give in. Do not cry in front of her. Give her consequences for her behavior. It will take time but I guarantee her behavior will improve once she sees your not giving in.
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The key is for you the parent to remain as calm as possible because getting frustrated over your toddler having a tantrum like that is only going to make the tantrum worse than what it already is. My almost 4 year old tells me he hates me when he throws a tantrum often and I try to stay as calm as possible about it even though the words themselves hurt. I then sit him down when he’s calm enough and tell him that he can’t say stuff like that because it hurts people’s feelings and that instead of screaming and throwing a tantrum he just needs to sit down by himself and calm down by doing something that distracts him from throwing a bigger tantrum.
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You all do realize there is a difference between spanking on the butt and beating your children?
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My 4yr old does the same thing, and this is because of Autism and he has meltdowns that just like that. He had one on 7/12 and on 7/13. The outcome is u basically take the beating while u talk to them without raising ur hand to discipline them because they don’t understand.
Ugh my two year has started to do this lately. And it’s hard because he is speech delayed so he can not tell me what’s wrong. He does this in every store now. But we went to Walmart and I literally heard someone say “shut your f***ing kid up!” 
I was so upset that day. 
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I tell my little man before we go into the shop if he cries for anything or acts silly we will go to the car and he will never come with to the shop again. If he behaves he can have a sucker and it has worked this far. Mommy don’t worry it happens to everyone don’t feel embarrassed we only human
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Prayers for you mama. I know it’s hard but it does get easier. She’s testing you. Stick to your boundaries.
One piece of advice is don’t physically engage your daughter while she is tantruming if you don’t have to for your safety. I deal with this a lot with my neurodivergent child.
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I have no idea what to do and I am just waiting for my 4 year old to do the same. Like your little one he is always good when he do anything. I struggle with the spanking thing. It my eyes it’s difficult to tell a child to stop hitting you and you stand there and hit them. The 80s style parenting many of us had is not always the best. I have not had this situation but how I have avoided it is getting down on my knees at that moment and telling him to take 3 deep breaths and tell him I understand how he is feeling but we do not act this way especially in public. If that does not work I quickly remove him til he calms down then talks.
U don’t even want to know how I would handle that!!!
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Ride it out outburst are going to happen it’s not the last 1 keep your head up mama💪
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I know the feeling… i have a son ,he is almost 3 years old
Almost everytime we go out he does this to his dad ,it was me at first
I’ve learned that its useless beating yourself up because of it… its feels bad yes ,i hate it when it comes to dragging my son out while everyone is looking at u like ure a bad mother , dont worry about them ,everyone is going through some kind of storm with there toddlers it wil get beter , and i dont think she means what she says ,stil to young to understand the word hate
U doing great !!
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Co regulate your kids emotions! Physical discipline is disgusting
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I’m signed up to a parents parenting advice from my children’s school and I get sent emails every week. How I can deal with hard situations as I hit this point. I didn’t know what to do and since getting the help off tips etc my kids are slowly changing and getting better. For this week is about emotional support. I’m not sure if this will help. But it helped me. Whoever is this post. Feel free to inbox me and I can send some emails to yourself so you can also benefit off it. not every parent gets this help which is abit crap but I’m happy to share any advice I’m given too.
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I can’t really help too much but…I’m the type of mom u act out or how bad u act out u may or may not get the toy etc now if I was in that situation…honey …when we got to the car I’d whoop that ass …then talk to her after she calmed down n explain that’s not how we act at the store
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This is a completely appropriate time to place the child in the car and lock the doors and let them hash it out themselves.
Keep your keys in hand and remove any spillables/breakables, crack the window and let them rip. That way you save yourself the embarrassment, they cant run out from you and get hurt, and they bring themselves back down to earth.
You did very well don’t worry if your kids tell you that they hate you then you’re doing good …p. s. That’s not the only time that you are going to hear that sweetheart it does get better
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My thing is my son throws tantrums in almost every store or restaurant and people look at me like I’m crazy and then when I yell or smack him they look at me even more stupid 
like okay mind your business then next time 
Hell no. Why I will not have anymore kids. I’d beat the breaks out of them acting that way. But if my son does that, he will learn that day. Good luck.
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My daughter Queen of tantrums at that age. Took about 5 times of leaving store and once a restaurant with her and she figured it out. Also anytime she said I hate you I just responded with that’s ok because I love you enough for both of us
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Why be humiliated? You aren’t going to see those people again. And most every child does it at some time. But you did right. If she throws a fit, take her home. When she is calm, explain you understand she is disappointed, but throwing a fit is not how to handle her emotions. Small bodies, with big feelings are hard to deal with. So tell her how she can express her disappointment. You might also try telling her before you go in whether she will get something. Today we are just getting groceries, you aren’t getting anything extra. Today, you can have a book. Then stick to it. You are setting her expectations.
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OUUU NO. Not hitting you and pulling your hair. Nope.
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The first time my son ever acted up in a store I told him that kids who act like that in the store don’t get to go back… And also didn’t let him play any of his games for 2 days because of how he acted and also did NOT take him back to the store anytime soon… And now anytime I do take him with me to the store I give him a lecture on how he needs to act and that he needs to hold my hand and how we are only getting certain things and that if he’s good ill let him pick out something for himself (a piece of candy or toy) at the end when we go to pay for everything… This works with him. He’s 5.
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- she isn’t a toddler 2) Talk to her. Find out what the real issue is bc something is bothering her.
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She’s only 4, that’s a really hard age for kids. They want to be independent but they are still too little, they have big feelings they have no idea how to handle or work through in a healthy way. I know tantrums are the MOST frustrating but its our job to show them how to work through these emotions in a way we want them to model. Give her words for her emotions “I know you were very sad and angry that we couldn’t get a book today.” Be calm and remove her from the situation like you did. Stay near but don’t let her hurt you. Keep telling her “I know you are so mad but it isn’t okay for you to hurt me and there are only certain places we should scream. I’ll be right here if you need a hug or want to talk, but I can’t let you hurt me.”
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I remember mine once had a temper tantrum in the check out of dollar tree. She wanted a stuffed bunny. I just ignored her and occasionally told her to stop. (I would have left but I needed what I was getting and didn’t have time to come back) It was so bad that a homeless man who solicits outside ask if he could buy it for her. I kindly thanked him, but said I don’t reward bad behavior. She was two. I explained that she wasn’t getting what she wanted because of how she was acting. That is the only tantrum I can remember from her… My oldest fell out in the floor one day, I walked away. I could see her, but she couldn’t see me. It scared her and she never did it again… I never entertained tantrums. I would talk to them and let them know that was they opposite way to get what they wanted from me. Never give in and get what they want to shut them up! It will only get worse.
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Ughhhhmmm spank that ass!!
Walk away from her and let her continue to throw her self. She will get up and follow you and explain I’m going to keep walking away because I will not let you embarrass me you can embarrassed yourself!
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Let her throw it and walk away and act like you don’t know her of course don’t leave to far where she is lol worked for my adopted mama with her grand babies 
she needs to know , that when you say 'NO" you mean that. She is old enough to fully understand this. Now you say she wants to runaway… fine a small suitcase or backpack & tell her, this is for her to pack her stuff when she wants to leave… My daughter was misbehaving at the dinner table & she told me, she wants to live with daddy (we were divorced & she was about 4 or so ) this upset me so much, I would cry. So she learned if she said that , she would get away with whatever,well after the 3rd time, after she wouldn’t listen & told me she wanted to go live with her daddy, I got out the small suitcase, brought it to her & told her when she was finished packing I would call her dad to come pick her up. The look on her face was priceless…and she never packed that suitcase & she never said that again. 
She’s 50 now, I was very grateful they never acted up in the store, Matter of fact they were really very quiet & struck right by me.
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You should’ve had your husband take her out while you finished up. Maybe she would’ve acted up with him.
It’s called a spanking. Not a beating but a spanking. I only had to spank my children once and then if they acted out I would verbally remind them. Time out can work, but not where they play or turn on a tv or game. Be careful that you’re not punishing yourself and not the child.
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I used to take 4 to the store. We went over the rules before we walked in. I’ve left full carts in the isle. If they misbehaved we left n went home. We didn’t wait for husband to finish up. He would walk out with us. We didn’t talk to the kids. Just picked up the child n walked out the door. Into their room when we got home saying when you calm down n can talk without screaming you can come out. When they did we would sit them down n explain why what they did was unacceptable. One thing. If this is new behavior maybe make an appointment with her Dr. to discuss. There is ALWAYS a reason they behave the way they do. Sometimes tired, hungry or in pain. Also the more calm you are the better. This too will pass at least till she gets into puberty!
Needs a good old fashion spanking
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I tell mine it’s okay to be mad and angry and upset but we don’t hurt ourselves, others, or our stuff. If he won’t stop I send him to his room and tell him he can come out when he is done and wants to talk. He’ll cry for a while but then he’ll stop and come back calmer. (He use to try and pull out his hair or dig his nails into his arms when he threw fits, mind you he is my step child)
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Lol wow some cold hearted bitches on here I’m glad you’re not my mom.
Try wearing your daughter out before the store. I let mine jump on the trampoline and get all their sensory output before I expect them to act right in the store. She’s a child having a hard time. She shouldn’t be punished for that you can explain “we can’t have this today maybe next time” and keep
Going. No need to hit.
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Walking away or hitting your child for being upset is only teaching her not to show her real emotions with you. Do not raise disconnected kids. We already have enough being bred with the above comments
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Everybody has a bad day sometimes and yes that includes a 4 yr old. You as an adult know how to control yourself when you have a bad day but she is still learning how and when to act on her emotions. You say you were embarrassed, she probably was too but she couldn’t control it. Maybe have a talk with her today after you both got some good sleep, you have to stay calm though or it might make it worse. Talk it out and cuddle her, give her a calm but strict warning that she won’t be allowed to go out in public for awhile if it happens again. Also try to figure out a way for her to calm down when you see she’s getting out of control. When mine was smaller I would start acting really silly to distract her, making faces, singing horribly, jumping/dancing around. Yes it made me look like a crazy person in the store but after a minute or so she would crack a smile and giggle and we could happily continue our shopping. If you pay close attention to her emotions/moods you will be able to tell when she’s getting overly frustrated and head it off before it gets really bad
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My 4 year old has started with major tantrums again, the slightest thing or you say no and he lies on the floor kicking and screaming 🤦
It called a hand across the ass
Spanking. If you don’t get this under control now she will run you forever.
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Don’t be humiliated. Trust me Mama, we have all been there. I have 2 daughters and 2 granddaughters and have had every one of them throw tantrums in a store with me. I’ve left an entire full cart of groceries sitting in the store and walked out because she was throwing such a bad tantrum. You did what was best, removed her from the situation which is all you can do when you’re out in public like that. At home, make sure she’s not somewhere she can hurt herself if she’s throwing herself around but other than that walk away and let her throw her tantrum. Once she realizes you’re not going to react she’ll stop doing it. If you give in just once she’ll remember that.
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From experience, I do a big bear hug and try to control the movements and we sit on the floor until we calm down. I do it with my own kids and I used to work with kids in a DCS facility.
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Should have let your husband carry her out. She needs a spanking, not a beating . She thought if she pitched a big enough fit, you would cave in. Kids will stop doing this if they get their butt spanked. Sometimes you have to spank them more than once to get them to calm down. Next time as soon as she starts acting up, take her out of the store.
You made to 4 without having to do that yet? First off WOW. They want reactions, so dont react. Dont give in. Take her by hand and say we are leaving. Dont get mad dont yell dont argue. Remember that you’re the adult u have the upper hand. Dont worry about what people around u are thinking. Kids and toddlers do that. Reward for good behavior helps, for the next trip. And if she acts out, dont give in.
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What ever or how ever you handle your child just be consistent
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All you people who ignore your kid when they’re freaking out in a store drive me insane.
You get on your kids level, you use your I’m not messing around mommy voice hold under their chin so they’re looking straight into your eyes and you tell your child what you expect of them while in a store. If they start kicking screaming etc you once again repeat what you just did. Getting to their level and telling them exactly what you want is key.
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No wonder we have a world full of messed up individuals with all these comments I’m seeing I’d like to see where all of you got your degrees in early childhood behavior (sarcasm). I’m sorry you’re going through this mama, I know it’s embarrassing. I’ve been going through this myself with one of my children. Ways I’ve handled tantrums with my oldest- who very rarely has tantrums to begin with -isnt working for my middle. I hope your issue resolves itself soon. Please remember there is no right or wrong way (except abuse of course) to handle the situation and don’t let these know it all commentors make you feel like any less of a parent.
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Walking away or ignoring can affect them in the long run with Abandonment issues… even minor abandonment issues are devastating (I know personally).
The hardest job in the world is being a parent. It requires soooo much freakin patience. I have a 2yr old I’m working with now. The BEST thing you can do is diffuse and communicate that wont be tolerated. Also try and determine why he/she felt so strong about that toy specifically to help them get to the bottom of their internal concern. Was it that he/she wasn’t getting enough attention in the store and needed a friend or an audience? Or does he/she not understand why mom can get anything she wants (or at least that’s whats perceived) and he/she can’t get anything? Understanding the child’s concern and then address it so it won’t happen again.
My daughter learned it from being around my niece. She maybe just saw another kid doing the same things and is mocking that behavior. When my daughter said she hates me I just say “good because I’m not here for you to like me and since you hate me you better not expect me to get anything for you so don’t ask me for anything because you’re being rude” she doesn’t like that & I tell her we can’t be friends anymore. Then we take all toys and electronics away until she can act appropriately
Straight to the car and a spanking on the butt that they will remember. It will never happen again at the store.
Sounds like maybe it’s something bothering her and she doesn’t know how to react so she is acting out…
Give her sometime to cool down and then maybe have a little tea party and ask her if there is anything she would like to share or talk about…
Kids are human to… We all get overwhelmed at times
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Repent come to the lord and pray over him/her and I would take most liked things away and after the tantrum the kid should of been in trouble and talked to with stern voice to let them know that isn’t okay and the will never get the things they want if they act like that again…start now and nip it in the butt now or u will have a 16 year old doing what she stated on the way home… prayer and stripping her from evil spirits are key
Sit in the room with them so they aren’t alone feeling big emotions however, do not react or feed the tantrum. I feel the best way to achieve this is to just let them go and get it out, read one of thier books while you wait for the storm to end. Then when you can tell the calm is starting to end say hey there, do you feel better? Would you like a hug? Ask if they feel like they got it all out. Then we forget that its happened and move forward and get a nice snack together.
You can also try offer them to drink water out of a cup or bottle regardless drinking forces them to regulate thier breathing and works a treat.
Don’t be humiliated mama, it happens and if another parent wants to judge you tell them to mind their damn business. You did it right, remove them from the situation. Once you’re in a safe space explain that you understand they are upset and have some big feelings but that you won’t allow them hurt you like that. Give them time to feel what they are feeling, we all have big feelings but their little brains need some time to process.
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She will get over it, but mention you are going to the store or shopping and when she asks tell her she’s not allowed. Remind her of what happened last time you took her. Don’t get soft either, you need to keep that foot down, and when your comfortable enough give her another chance but lay out the rules of it should happen again
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With my kids, if the tantrum is at home- I tell them that by acting that way- they are disrupting the people around them and it’s rude. I say- “It’s okay if you want/need to scream and yell- but you need to be polite and do it in your room.” I usually offer to hug/hold them when they cry/scream.
It seems she wasn’t feeling like you understand or cared about what she wanted. She sees you guys going through the store, putting everything you want in the cart, but when she asks for something, she’s told no. If you didn’t have enough for the book, I would have taken time to stop and connect and say something like hey I see you’re really sad because you wanted that book. I’m sorry I can’t get that book today, but maybe we can look for something else at the check out isle! And we can come back for a book another day. That way she feels like you care about her wants and and she doesn’t go away empty handed!
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So many flags here. She’s her own little person. There are likely other triggers here too…. Was she hungry or tired? Was there another way you could explain to her why she couldn’t have the book? A flat no to a four year can be hard for them to process. They don’t have the outside knowledge to justify the answers. They have no concept of time and money.
Also she isn’t do these thing TO you. She’s not intentionally trying to manipulate you or attack you. Likely she felt attacked when you were removing her from the store and was reacting in a defensive manner. It sounds like more of a perspective problem in the long run.
It is common for young children to say things like “I hate you” to their main care givers. It isn’t really a protest of true hatred but a pushing of boundaries. They NEED (really emphasize NEED) you to be the calm to their chaos. They need you to be unmoved with firm boundaries. “I won’t let you hit me”. “I hear you but I still love you”. By staying calm and helping them move from this chaotic reaction back to a calm state you are teaching them long term coping skills for their emotions. Talk them through it. Sometimes THEY DONT even understand why they’re feeling a way that causes them to act out. Ask the questions and HELP them instead of using your adult experiences to assume they’re being bratty, hateful or manipulative on purpose.
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I threw a cup of water on my kid one time…shocked him out of the tantrum…but I am old school…I tended to try and ignore them…as best as I could…
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All I know is that age is when you are the parent
Because as they grow up it’s not any better.
So right now do what you can to let the child know .
What’s right you are in charge as they are in school .
It’s harder