I need advice but want this to be anonymous. I have been out of my last relationship for about 5 months now. We were together for 5 years. But we have still been seeing each other and sleeping together. He is currently in another relationship. I can’t have children but he wants one of his own which I understand. But I don’t think it’s fair to her or me with him just using her for a child and then wanting to come back after he gets one. I don’t believe I could cope with that or having to see her on drop off and pick ups. He is breaking my heart like no bodies business. How do I get past him and move on, besides the stopping all communication? That is the easy part. I’m talking how do I heal from everything? I don’t think it’s fair how he left me because I can’t give him a child. And after so many years together, I am lost.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to heal from leaving a relationship? - Mamas Uncut
Your one is still out there. Go find him. Saying a prayer for you. You know your self worth honor yourself.
First of all, stop sleeping with him 
like. Girl. Karma is real and always comes full circle.
Move on. Stop communicating period. Seek a counselor who is capable of teaching you tools to heal.
He’s literally living his best life right now thanks to you. What you allow is what will continue.
He needs to grow up and be a man. He is being very selfish.
Stop communication and find a good therapist. So not fair to either one of you women. It sounds like you both deserve better. You will find someone who appreciates and deserves you. I’m sorry he broke your heart and continues to do so.
You can be married and have a surrogate or you can even adopt a child. He doesn’t need two relationships, make him choose who he wants to be with (no man can serve two masters).
Leave him alone completely don’t sleep or communicate with him. You are better than that you deserve better. He does this to you so he is not worth your time
You both need to grow up. Your the other woman, karma is real, and will get to you someday. Well, hopefully
Move on. Grieve and let go. You both have different paths in life and I understand both of your situations. Obviously you just need to give it space and time
He’s not gonna be with you after he gets someone else pregnant, he’ll just be cheating on HER with you, block all communication, move if you have to but you 100% need therapy. You need to value yourself more
There’s plenty of children that need a healthy home. If he wants you, there are options for you to have a child together!!
Block and delete. Stay busy and find yourself FIRST! It takes a long time. Find out what hobbies interest you and fill yourself with knowledge
Take ur time to yourself to heal. Get busy and exercise eat well. do meditation focus your mind into your goal and work. I think your just stress because of that bad relationships. And go see and doctor that could give you and good advice. Is not that the reason that you can’t give a child so that he just abandoned and left you as easy as that. person loves you will accept you even in that situation. I reckon he’s not the right person for you. This world so big. Just pray to and ask guidance that god give you the right person in future.
First thing you need to stop seeing him and sleeping with him
He’s using you and her at the same time
Him still being there is not healthy he knows what he’s doing and knows you still love him and will do anything for you
If he truly loved you he’d either be with you or leave you alone completely
Best thing you can do is break it off block him and focus on yourself
Delete all the pics the chats everything he gave you or whatever he has at your apartment you need to get rid of it
Constant reminders of him will halt your healing
You will be ok but the healing won’t happen so long he’s in your life
He leaving u bc u can’t have a child is so wrong in its own. There’s so many other ways to have a child now a days. Surrogate, adoption, ivf, foster, etc. But if he’s that immature to leave let him leave. Ur ONE is still out there. You’ll find him♡ what he’s doing to u is so wrong, imagine what he’s doing to this other girl, how SHES GOING TO FEEL once this all blows up bc I promise it will. Don’t be mad at HER. This isn’t her fault and I know as females we instantly hate the other girl but in reality she doenst have A CLUE what’s going on! That poor girl. If I were you I’d tell her. Then I’d leave him. End of story. Yes your heart will hurt but you it will get easier over time. All your doing now is prolonging that heart ache bc it will absolutely happen.
Doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me - run and never look back.
Agree with all of the above
Dump him he’s a jerk
Sorry that your heart is broken. You keep breaking your own heart now. It takes work and determination. HARD work. Go to a therapist. It helps clarify the situation so head and heart can work together. GO NO CONTACT-ALL FORMS!!!
It’s the best thing to begin the process. You already have your closure. Box up anything of his and throw it out.
END YOUR PAIN. Again…so sorry that you went through this. KARMA is real… so set yourself up for Good Karma to visit you. 
You realize your worth and let that man go because he doesn’t see it.
You can’t say, “I understand” then say “it’s not fair”.
Block him on everything & get therapy. You have to accept where you are, where he is & that these places aren’t in the same zip code.
He’s using you too. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t be sleeping with someone else for any reason. He knows you’ll still sleep with him and really believe he’ll come back but he won’t. He’s having his cake and eating it too and he’ll continue to do that even after she’s pregnant and had the baby. Stop seeing him. You deserve better. The girl will figure it out the hard way like you’re having to.
Being with someone for so long time will take time to get over him. But the relationship you are currently having with him is not fair to you or to her. He either wants you with the fact that you cant have kids or he must move on and let you heal and find someone who can love you perfectly just the way you are. If the need is for you to also have kids, you can always adopt.
You have to let go completely before you can even begin to heal. Do that, allow yourself to heal. Everything about this relationship is toxic and you are better off without him.
Something similar happened to a friend of mine.
She moved on and found someone who actually loves her and cares about her. She doesn’t have to worry about cheating and being made to feel like she isn’t enough because she can’t have a child.
And I hope the same happens for you. He isn’t worth the heartache.
I know it hurts, but you have to let go. Cut off all ties with him. Then keep busy. Take a class. Go to church and get involved with church functions. Go back to school. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind occupied. Take time to grieve this relationship before looking at anyone else. You don’t want to rebound. The trick is keeping busy so you don’t think about what might have been, because that’s not where your relationship was going. Stay in the present. Try not to focus on what was. Try not to get too far ahead into what might be. Stay focused on the here and now and make it as comfortable as you can.
I was in something similar but I was married to him. For me I had to get angry, not sad. Once I was pissed moving on was easy. Now I just wonder what the hell I was thinking but it took years. Get angry now. Don’t wait years.
Stop messing with him first step
You are breaking your own heart. Once you stop the communication, you will begin to heal. TAKE YOUR TIME. Find yourself.
First of all. STOP sleeping with and seeing him. Period. You will never move on if you dont. He’s not the one for you if this is what hes doing and as long as you let him, he will continue. Girl. Take some time to heal, and figure out yourself. Love yourslef again. Take some time, you will see this is messy, too damn messy. And Messy never gets better. Good luck to you. If he truly loves you this is NOT how he would show it.
He’s using you unfortunately, he could’ve talked about adoption etc with you or other viable options but instead chose to leave. Someone better will come along eventually
Youre still sleeping with him you need to see a professional. Only thing not fair is what you both are doing to the other lady. You don’t want kids, 6hen leave both them alone. He’s an asshol3 for sleeping with you both and you need to step away cuz you’re self harming and hurting another female. Grow up
I can’t believe what I’ve read… okay first stop sleeping with the man!! He doesn’t love either of you!! Second of all I’d be wondering if she knew of what he was planning and to have a baby with her or if he’s trying to get her pregnant without her knowledge
You both deserve better!!!
Know your worth.
Cut all ties until you’ve fully healed.
Get into therapy to learn how to move past him. Respect yourself he didn’t want you and is just using your body. Love yourself way more than he never did. Also if he cheating with you he could be cheating with others. Why put yourself at risk? I agree with others block him and I’d change your number too.
I don’t think it’s unfair to end a relationship if one party wants a child and the other doesn’t. I do think it’s a little unfair if you were willing to adopt or maybe do a surrogate situation with him. What’s definitely unfair is he’s made you the other woman. Cut your losses and move on. It’s not easy on the heart but it will heal. Eventually you will find your right person 
hang in there
To get OVER someone get UNDER someone new 
Girl say good bye with a smile .hold your head up an shine on like the super woman you are.stop all contact . Move forward
What y’all are doing right now is toxic, and the more y’all continue then the harder the healing process is actually going to be. First step is to put a stop to all contact, surround yourself with good friends and family, plug into a church, go out with friends, do things that make you happy and learn to enjoy spending time alone. Yes it’s hard and easier said than done , but what you’re doing is only making the situation worse.
Go back and read your own post as if its a strangers and your emotions not involved. Think you will have your answer really quick !!!
Therapy, a poop load of self help books, and time.
Just stop all communication. Use the Grey Rock Method.
you’re lucky that you don’t have a child with this man. you’d never be able to let go, you’d never be able to move on. you’re worth more than that and so is she, don’t let him use you. go have fun, have sex, kiss people, you’ll soon forget about him. and when the time is right you will meet someone who is right for you.
Umm stop messing with him block him and tell him to fess up for cheating u both are wrong for that… smh… children are not a door prize witch is what u are treating them like. Block him and move on. Healing takes time work on yourself
Girl. Stop sleeping with him!! Just STOP. Move on. Your so much more valuable.
Cutting communication is how you start to heal. You have to feel all the emotions and allow yourself to grieve the relationship, learn from it, pour love into yourself, get some therapy, set new goals. Don’t let that person back in. It will hurt for a long time because it is a multi-layer pain but you will heal.
He’ll keep on using you as long as you let him.
Yes you def need to get out of that situation fast! I would say getting to know yourself and maybe getting some counseling and hanging out with some friends would help. For me when I ended my biggest relationship I stayed single emotionally and sexually for two years before I finally did try again and that’s because I wanted to be sure I was totally over him and I didn’t want to just give my cookie to anyone unless I felt they really deserved it. It turned out to be a great decision because after that I didn’t put up with bullshit from any guy and felt confident that knowing I was just fine if I didn’t have a relationship. My self esteem self worth and self respect got so much better and I didn’t sexually get attached to anyone or stay attached to my ex that way either because I refused to do it. I really learned to love myself, it worked for me, maybe something you could try and do for yourself. Different things work for different people but those r the things that I did I hope you find what works for you and get yourself out of that messy situation before you or the other lady get hurt anymore than you already are.
No contact or you’ll never make it through this. Big hugs to you 
Also I think someone needs to inform the other lady what his plan is because that is total BS and no baby deserves to be brought into this world in a situation like that especially on purpose! That dude is selfish AF and clearly doesn’t care how anyone else is affected!
Omg hes such an asshole stop sleeping with him
He sounds awful. There are other ways you can have a baby together. I would definitely cut off contact and move on.
If he’s known from the jump u were unable to have children and stayed for that long he is a POS for using that as an excuse. Cause there r other options. Stop giving urself away to this man. Very selfish and disrespectful of him. How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Pretty low. Cut ur losses. Not being able to give someone children isn’t an excuse to be a piece of shit playing mind games… U deserve better. And the girl should know too. But hell do the same to her too. U will heal… U gotta allow urself that time to heal from it. It’s not ok!!!
You gotta cut him out completely. If he’s in your bed and in your life you’ll just prolong your agony. He left you, now you gotta leave him.
You’re not out of a relationship you’re the 3rd person in someone else’s relationship
He’s not breaking your heart, you’re breaking your heart.
If you’re unable to have children and he wants children, the two of you had several options, aside from splitting, him getting with someone else to get her pregnant and keeping you as the side chick.
You could have used a surrogate. You could have done IVF. You could have adopted.
You get past this by cutting any and all communication and moving forward with your life. Out there, somewhere, is a man who will treat you right and accept you as you are. Maybe that man already has children and you’ll be a step-momma (it’s different to start a relationship with someone who already has children versus splitting with someone so they can get someone else pregnant and then come back to you). Maybe that man doesn’t want/can’t have children. Maybe that man will go through surrogacy, IVF or adoption with you.
One way or another, the situation that you’re in, is one that you put/keep yourself in. Remove yourself from that situation, let both of you move on and then see what life has in store for you.
Women are not brood mares.
You need to cut ties with him. Stop seeing him, and definitely stop sleeping with him. You deserve better than that. It will hurt for a little while but try to find things to keep your mind off of him, stay busy, spend time with friends and family, get a new hobby, throw yourself into something else. The busier you are the less you’ll think about him and you will need a support system, so friends and family (if possible) will be a good source of comfort. But he is definitely using you. And it’s just wrong. Does that woman know he’s sleeping with you still? I bet she doesn’t. He wants his cake and to eat it too.
You deserve better. You are worth more. He is treating you horribly. No one deserves that. And the fact that he can even act like this towards you shows what he thinks about you and how much he values you.
You just need to walk away. No more calls, hanging out, texts, sex, nothing. Tell him you can do this anymore and that this is not a relationship that is healthy and you two need to end things. Stand up for yourself, don’t let him try to convince you to stay. I know that it feels hard and impossible but you will get over him, I promise.
You guys could have gotten a surrogate
Sooooo let me get this straight. He leaves you and now you are the other woman. Girl where is your pride and dignity? You need to seek mental health services, like seriously.
You’re in a trouple and, sadly, sounds like the new GF doesn’t even know.
Would you like to be in her shoes?
You’re right, none of this is fair.
His shady intentions aren’t fair.
You (and her) being used by him isn’t fair.
-Get counseling.
-Raise your standards.
-Enforce your boundaries.
-Realize he isn’t the one.
There’s a guy out there for you, that may already have a child(ren) or doesn’t even want them.
Best of luck while you heal from this nonsense. 
Its not fair to you either cuz this man is using you as well. He maybe telling you he is just using her to get a kid, but in reality, you are now the other woman. He is getting his cake and the frosting. Wake up!!! He is in a RELATIONSHIP with the other woman. You need to stop seeing him and find a man who accepts you just the way you are, not make you the other woman.
He is not using her. He is using you. Wake up.
Hes using a manipulating you both , run far away from this horrible pig , you deserve better, love yourself more 
Have you ever thought it might be him that can’t get you pregnant 
?
That’s probably just an excuse.He probably don’t even want a child. Sounds good.
Once you stop the communication the healing begins.
You just have to disconnect from him completely. It will be extremely hard at first. But delete him in every way. The fact that he has moved on with someone else is just gross. He’s using you
Courage to say goodbye.
God can help. Turn to him and you’ll see how easy it is. Pray for guidance and direction and also for grieving. You need and will eventually grieve your relationship. God bless peace and comfort in all of this. 
Cut all ties. Get a hobby. Honestly if someone told me they want me but they are going to pretend to love someone else to use her as breeding stock I’d turn and run anyways.
Tell that woman what he’s doing, then stop all contact with him. You get over him by understanding how this proves he loves no one except himself.
He’s a terrible person to do that to you both. You NEED to stop seeing him, stop talking to him, ensure that he has no reason to come by- if there’s anything of his left at your place pack it up and send it to him…every last thing. Then let time do what it does. Find a new hobby to occupy yourself, stay busy, go to therapy to figure out why you would allow someone to treat you so terribly and learn to never allow that again. The sooner you get rid of him the sooner you will feel better.
He is the WRONG person for you (or anyone ). “You are broken up but you still see and sleep with him” ?? What the heck is that?? You havent been and wont be anything but CONVENIENT to him. If he loved you He d adopt
Ghost him. CREATE A NEW LIFE with good people.
Stay active after you cut off communication. It’s easy to get involved again if are at home depressed and In your feelings. Stay away from Alcohol for at least 6 months. You can’t control your feelings but you can control your actions. Honestly it’s just time.
You know what to do go with your gut
You need to work on yourself. If he loved you he would explore other options on having a child, not seek out someone new and continue to see you on the side- that isn’t love. Try to get into a therapist, practice meditation and work on loving yourself the way you deserve to be. I can imagine how painful this must be but he’s not the one for you, you deserve so much better, and so does his new girlfriend.
You’ve gotta stop all communication first and I mean block him on everything so you can have no contact whatsoever. Your breaking your own heart by talking to him still and sleeping with him. Cut all the strings attached and learn to love YOURSELF again. Do things that make YOU happy.
Unless you completely disconnect from him you wont get over him. It’s hard but with time it will get better, may not seem like it now because you are hurting. The hurt will get better! He doesnt deserve you or her💞
If he truely loved you, he would be with you and not someone else. He has the best of both world. You have to let him go far away so you can move forward and meet the right person
The first thing you have to do is to stop sleeping to him , if he really loved you he would have found a better way , a not hurting one to have a kid , like artificial insemination or something else .Yes , he is absolutely using both of you and you are a part of that .
Just tell him to leave you alone, do not get his call and stop sleeping with him, you will feel lost and depressed at first but things will be better with time
Scrape up your self respect, kick him to the curb and move on.
It could be him that is sterile
A real man won’t leave you over not having a child. There’s many ways to have a child now days. It’s not cheap but there’s ways. How do you know it’s you that can’t have kids did you go to Dr. Leave him he’s no good.
As always some of these comments are cruel. You can give your opinion without degrading someone!
You need to get so mad at this situation that you can’t stand seeing his name! That is the most selfish shhhht I’ve heard of… His love was/is conditional and always will be…. Go out meet new ppl enjoy life and stop entertaining him
YOU deserve better than that…
Stop all contact…
You both could have artificial insemination or adopted a baby…
NO need for him to run off with another woman…
He’s an arse 
Dear lady,you answered your own question.by saying “I don’t think it is fair” go with your gut instincts …You already have the answer…
1st and foremost 
He is in another relationship, ………
you need to get your head out of your ass… smh 
You said it it’s not fair to you or to her that he’s using her for a child then coming back to you…
WTH 
NO Babygirl… you are doing this 100% to yourself…
YOU ARE ALLOWING this… you are breaking your own heart. HE PICKED HER… why do you think he’s lying to her and not to you?? That he only wants a baby with her but he really loves you:pleading_face: seriously stop that…
he’s getting to sleep with TWO women at the same time and you’re perfectly OK with it because you keep doing it and you know about her… 

The only way to heal is what you consider the easy part, cut off communication. Him leaving you over not being able to have a child is so sad and selfish on his part. I’m sorry to say this, but there’s no way he loves you if he could just leave you because of that. You need to leave him and relationship behind, and find someone who accepts you for you. Not being able to have children isn’t something you can control, and you shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re less of a person because of it. You deserve better than this.
Why not adopt? Or have a surrogacy? He is an @$$. You deserve better.
Is it worth it to spend your life dealing with this? Make your life busy with other things. If he has a key to your home , change the locks. There are lots of good things out there to enrich your life. Love yourself enough to live for you. It is worth it !
Even if he got a child out of that relationship and got back with you he will cheat. Chances are he was when you were together. Get evidence and let her know the truth so you can both leave his arse and move on.
Do you know how mentally destroying that would be to find out down the line she was used as an incubator for a child while he cheated on her.
He’s destroying 2 women here. And you are also to blame. You know his plans and are carrying on to let him have a baby.
If you want a child go the right way about it. If a baby is born into this there’s going to be so much trauma involved for the kid
He doesn’t just want a baby. He wants a whole woman to go with it. I’m sorry your about to end up in a world of hurt. The day he sees his child will be the day he truly falls in love with the other woman and you will never be able to compete with her.
Your so much more valuable then that. I hope you know that it’s ok to be vulnerable. It’s not ok to be reckless
You’re participating in his charades. Stop it
You’r leaving all the decisions to him and they are all for HIM. You can never heal until you break all ties and communication with him. Turn the page get a new life. Jesus is the answer!
With the world being so crazy as we living in now be grateful u not bringing a special person into this world
It won’t work out I just broke off a 10 yr relationship with 3 kids and he wanted to do the same thing I allowed it for a week until I kicked him out
He isn’t for you… stay away at all costs… he will cause so much pain for you
He’s a user and abuser… to both you women. Don’t allow this to go on. You have the power to stop it now!