I left a man 3 yrs ago for the same reason he was 38, he DIED a month ago!!! I was glad it wasn’t me n my kids waking up to a man dead in my house!
I am 23 years into this kind of thing. Leave now he is never going to change. My AH is 44 and still doing the exact same things. AA DIDN’T HELP. REHAB DIDNT HELP. save yourself years of heatt ache.
Apparently 1-2 beers isn’t okay for him. Some people can handle it some can’t. I would tell him absolutely no alcohol or your gone.
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Honestly, there is NOTHING you can do. They walk around blind and oblivious to the feelings of those around them. You can beg, threaten, leave, go to meetings, take up Al-Anon, counseling, pray, show them, take away the kids etc… Honestly it makes no difference a addict is a addict, he is a alcoholic so he is addicted to Alcohol. His Mother died from it and he is still a addict he didn’t run from it , he ran to it. He , HE, HE has to want to change, HE has to put in the hard work, HE has to reach out, HE has to see the effects, HE has to WANT to change and NOT just to say HE wants to, HE has to put in the efforts, the hard work, the mind set… You become a enabler ( like you already are now) no not on purpose… seems unfair to be called that, but these people are so good at twisting what they do till it drags you into becoming a victim and a enabler. Get out while you can… take your babys to safety and live your life. If he changes then great but, always Remember this will be a demon he will always fight but may Never win… its not your fault, and NO you cant make him change, you can’t help him change, you can’t change him no matter what you do… HE is the ONLY one who can CHANGE Him… Go live your Best Life , be with your family where you will have help and not be worrying constantly about what he is doing, how he is doing it, and jeopardizing your life and livelihood by possibly wreaking your vehicle, injuring or killing someone and you be held liable and also have no vehicle to care for your children. Also side note… a Father / a Partner does not sneak out while you are sleeping , on meds and leave your daughter uncared for or to have someone alert to care for her if she needs it. He couldn’t sleep because that Alchol and Party Life was calling him Stronger than his Children and Partner “Family” and Home Life. Those are the choices that he will always make… Alcohol and Friends first, Family Last… Save yourself and your children years and years of heartache and go be with your family for help and comfort… He will change or he will not… but it will be his choice and only his choices and you cant do it for him in any way, shape or form. The only thing you can do is show him what you & your children will NOT live like or put up with… Choose YOU, Choose your babies…
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No. 1-2 drinks IS NOT OKAY hes addicted he shouldn’t have any. It will always get out of hand. Get him to an outpatient rehabilitation center. And NO MORE DRINKS!!!
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No you are not in the wrong
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Its hard to leave.but you know you deserve better.try to find supportive family or friend who will help you.move away from him.give him a ultimatum to get help and stop drinking or tell him its over.i know its not easy…big hugs and i will keep you in my prayers.
LEAVE HIM! I went thru this & my kids suffered for it. He was an aggressive drinker as well & ruined many things don’t let your kids grow up to that environment
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You told him it was ok
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My husband was a horrible drunk. It started off like this! I was 19 when him and I started dating. I ignored it cause I was having fun too. We got pregnant one after another. Two babies in and a horrible miscarriage I had enough. I had him arrested for being an idiot basically. He functioned he provided for the most part but he was drunk 24-7. He almost died twice before 35 from pancreatitis. None woke him up till we spent time apart. He couldn’t see his kids and I wouldn’t give in. He changed. Thank god! But he has to hit HIS rock bottom before that happens. Leave and don’t look back! If he really loves you and your children he will figure shit out. Good luck xoxo
I’m from a family of alcoholics…and each one is different. Only one rule stands NEVER enable…don’t give them permission to drink. A non-alcoholic has limits and abides by them. An alcoholic had no limit as soon as that first sip is accomplished their brain and their body only wants more and they can’t just shut that off. Some of my family members have gone to AA or rehab and it’s helped , others stayed sober a short time and relapsed (repeatedly). Some have quit cold turkey on their own. If they want to quit they find a way that works for them to do. Sadly, I have many that would rather be alone and drink themselves into the ground instead of trying to fix their lives or relationships. Ultimately you need to stay strong for you and your little ones and don’t give in, it can be toxic for your children. If he wants to keep you he will make the changes to get himself better…if he doesn’t move on because it’s not worth it.
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Your not wrong , but for 1 you are not his mother , 2 leave him if you .
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If he gave it up why in the hell would you give him a beer so soon after him stopping. You have no right to be pissed because you basically gave the drug addict his drugs back
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I would leave a loser like him
Go to Al Anon meetings. They will help you to get strong enough to either help him or leave him. Either way you will be stronger
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He sounds like me. Can’t just have one or two drinks. ALWAYS ends up being a LOT more. I used to be an alcoholic. After everything, I’ve learned how to control it. Wasn’t easy but I can happen. If you really want to try and open his eyes, call the cops about drunk driving next time he leaves. Not something I wish for people to go thru as I had a DUI 8 years ago, but maybe it’ll open his eyes. Or he won’t learn. 50/50 chance. Won’t know til you do something about it
My hubby is the same way. I have learned over & over again an alcoholic is an alcoholic! If he stops & asks you if he can have A beer say NO! Because it will turn out the same way everytime & they wont stop drinking until you threaten to leave again. They’ll stop til the next time maybe a week maybe 3yrs. You’ll look controlling AF to his friends & family. They will talk shit & try to get him to drink. It’s a battle for sure.
Best of Luck!
Nothing you do is going to stop him. He has to want to quit. I suggest you take care of you and your babies. Leave and don’t look back
When me and my husband got together he drank to much too. I finally realized it and told him it was me or the alcohol. He chose me and has been sober for 3 years. He still has a few every now and again, but he still chose me and never gets drunk. You need to leave. He isn’t choosing you
I’ve been in that situation with my fiance. The only thing that opened his eyes and made him stop was getting in trouble. He got caught drinking and driving and lost his CDL and our source of income. We lost everything and struggled for years on just my income while he fought to get it back. He now has his CDL back and won’t drink now because he knows how easily we can lose everything.
First of all… never tell an alcoholic they can hv 1 because that’s not possible. AA sounds like the ONLY place he should be going to at 1 am. Question is do YOU want to WASTE another 5 yrs w a drunk?? Think about your kids!!! Drunk parents are the WORST!!
Alanon saved my life look into it I swear it will help so much
If he is an alcoholic and sounds like he is he can’t have an occasional beer. Just one is enough to push an alcoholic off the wagon. So he should just stop drinking altogether. I would recommend he get help with his problem. At the very least AA meetings and if you want to work things out a counselor. Maybe make conditions to help him stay motivated to stay sober.
I was married to a man for 15 years spent eight of those years in prison but for sure he quit drinking when he got out cuz he been doing that for 8 years nope that didn’t happen he started using alcohol and drugs and was killed back in January and he was 63 years old he had been drinking and taking drugs hit another woman had on the woman was fine thank God but he was killed
Head on and an accident but that woman
I think if you leave it’ll do one of two things, it’ll liberate you from having to suffer through his addiction, or… it’ll wake him up and he’ll fight harder to change, either way you win if you leave, if you stay, things will always be the same and he’ll just make you complacent with the chaos 
good luck 
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You can’t change someone who doesn’t think they don’t have an addiction, they have to change for themselves 
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Unless he accepts that he has a problem it is pointless and will go around and around in circles. Parents are enabling him so you can’t look to them for advice etc. You need to be very honest with yourself and accept that this is who he is and that he won’t change necessarily. Then go from there.
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Leave if he really wants to he will change but staying he wont ive been with 2 guys who were alcoholics tried to help them never could
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You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Leave. Stick to it and don’t crumble if he gets drunk over it and cries on you and begs. As you’ve seen with his pleas for help when drunk, it’s empty emotion. Tell him you love him and want to be with him but not until he’s gotten help and sticks to it. If he doesn’t then you have your long term answer as to whether you were right to leave or not. It maybe the sharp shock he needs 
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Leave–even if for a legal separation not divorce. Give it time. Then make a decision. You can’t fix anyone who doesn’t want to fix themselves.
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Look after yourself first your kids need you
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Do you mean to tell me that when your husband drinks he franksteins the car from the front and the back by pinning the prices together and melting large scraps of plastic onto car?
Does he think that he can have the car looking good just by giving it the ‘wet look’ just by spraying the water on and splashing oil all over?
Does he get so drunk that he waves his hand around like he’s useing magic and stirring the pot?
Does he get so drunk that when you both walk into the bathroom you both walk asking what happened like I had know idea we move that way?
Does he get so drink that you can’t even get him out of the house because he can’t get up!!
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My ex is an alcoholic, the same start but after kids he just started hiding his drinking and going out, after his dad passed it was more of an excuse and turned to serious drug use as well. It doesn’t change or stop, it’s been 6 years of me fighting the battle and 8 months ago pregnant with our 3rd child he left us for a women that drinks and drugs it up everyday with him. U haveto get to a point it’s not about keeping them happy its about yours and you’re kids happiness. If he doesn’t want help and doesn’t want to stop for the sake of his family then that’s you’re answer to where you stand sadly.
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You cant. You have to leave and hope he helps himself.
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I’ve been there. He has to want it for himself. In the meantime you’re going to need to protect yourself and your children.
Addiction is very much a disease. Educate yourself, try al-anon.
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Someone needs to put the kids needs first. You seem to be all they have.
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Depending on where you live, there are ways for a person to be sent to a facility to detox. I would call your local legal aid office and talk to an attorney to get sound legal advice. You may be able to call law enforcement to do a “Marchman Act” where he is held legally at a mental health facility due to alcohol abuse for an evaluation.
You can’t, they have to help themselves unfortunately like rehab ect. You can only do so much. My mum was an alcoholic when I was a kid and she died at the age of 35 from liver failure from drinking. We always hid her alcohol, tipped it out, rang councillors, doctors, rehab. But in Queensland we couldn’t force her to go she had to go herself which she wouldn’t do, and when she decided to admit it and realise she needed help it was too late. Her skin went yellow and her eyes, and she barely ate. We watched her spew blood and it was terrible… she’s now been gone 9 years. By the end of it the hospital were sick of her coming in because she was told to stop drinking or she will die and her stomach looked pregnant and she would constantly get 7 litres of fluid drained from her stomach and sent home…
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You can’t make him get help, he has to want to get it. That may mean he has to hit rock bottom first. You have to take care of yourself and your kids. You have to think of them. Leave and tell him until he gets help you won’t be coming back.
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If he’s not ready to get help now then I would take the kids so they are not around that while he goes down hill
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I was a child of alcoholic father. Your kids are very aware even if they dont say anything. Even if very young trust me it effects you. I married an alcoholic which often happens when you come from the background. Like you I just thought he liked to party. And yes he was a veteran also. He suffered from PTSD. From Vietnam. But when we had our daughter Something in me snapped. I didnt want her ro go thur what I did. Looking at her brought all those scary times back remembering as a child . I left him .He stopped drinking we got back together. I loved him so much. But I told him when I took him back that if he picked up another drink I was picking up a suitcase. He went back to drinking again and I left for good. Knowing I did right by my child. It hurt and we remained friends at a distance .I loved him till the day he died but I knew I would never go back. He never stopped drinking! Go to a alanon meeting. Get help for you and your kids . You need recovery too. God Bless You and Your Family.
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My SO struggled with addiction for the first 7yrs of our relationship. He’s been clean for 10yrs now. But it was not easy to get to that point. There was absolutely nothing I could do to make it happen. He had to be ready to make that change.
You can’t make the choice for him to get sober. But you can make the choice to put yourself and your kids first. Don’t give any ultimatums, because those don’t work. But just calmly and clearly tell him “We can’t live like this anymore. It’s not healthy for any of us. I can’t make you work on your issues - I hope you will, because I want us to have a life together, but it has to be your choice. And until you decide to make that choice, I need to do what’s best for the children and myself, which means we need to live separately until you’ve made a genuine commitment to getting sober, and shown me with your actions that you’re serious about it. I love you, the kids love you, and I am here to support you, but this is what needs to happen.”
Something like that ^^ and then most importantly, stick to it. It will be incredibly hard, but you have to, otherwise he will never take you seriously.
As a result of this separation, either he will hit rock bottom, realize he needs to change, and actually start to get help and make changes. Or, he will show you that he prioritizes alcohol and his way of doing things over you and the kids, and you’ll realize it’s time to move on. Either way though, you get some space to start building a healthier life for you and your kids. You get to learn who you are without him and give yourself a chance to be happy. You will have choices of your own to make depending on what choices he makes.
Good luck. 
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Try to find someone who works with vet’s for PTSD. I HAVE LOVED ONE’S WHO USE TO GET FLASH BACK AND START RUNNING AND YELLING THINKING HE WAS STILL OVER THERE
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I’m an alcoholic and unfortunately many many people tried to help me sober up but I couldn’t until I admitted fault. I had to come clean with myself and apologize to others and accept who I am and learn to love myself and so much more step work. Everyday is working a step whether you recognize it or not in order to stay sober. Once I stopped drinking it didn’t stop me from being an alcoholic. I am forever in recovery as any day can be the day I have a drink and spiral down that dark tunnel.
Alcohol is literally poison and I hate it so much but it took away so much from me and I had to fight so hard to get to the point where I am. Your husband will not and CANNOT start his recovery until he accepts he’s an alcoholic.
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Leave. I’m sorry you’re going through this but he isn’t going to change. He isn’t ready to change yet. Either you leave with the kids or kick him out but this needs to happen.
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Find a local ALANON group in your area. If you can’t the local AA meeting can help you find one there is always one. They can help. This sounds ao much like my ex-husband when we were married. Although we didnt have kids together he has a child from a previous relationship. I finally left him and gave him an ultimatum. Told him if he didn’t get sober I was done, the marriage was over and I was contacring his boss to tell him what and how my husband was. He did go get help. I went to every family and group session they offered. It wasn’t pretty but it did work. He had agreed to couples/marriage counseling but once home and out of the program he refused. Which lead to our divorce. I wish you the best, hope you find what YOU want out of this, however, you have to think about your sanity and those of your children.
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If it’s not constant, he’s not an alcoholic. They’re not alcoholics until it becomes the physical addiction and their body needs alcohol otherwise it will start to shut down. Maybe do some research and go from there.
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This is why us women need to learn who people are before having any ties to them like kids or marriage.
You have 3 kids. One of you has to be of sound mind! You are not giving up on him. You’re guaranteeing your survival and mental health!
It will not just go away.
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Commit to a separation. If he makes no progress in 6 months, go through with the divorce.
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Can’t help him I was with mine for over 25 years nothing I did helped and I tried everything short of having him comited
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You can’t help or fix an alcoholic unless they’re willing to admit they have a problem and want help.
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And yes, see if he’ll get help (therapy) for his PTSD. He may have Veterans benefits for mental health care & possibly support groups are available now if it’ll be a wait for a psych/counselor appointment.
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You need to take care of you and the kids. He will only get help if he wants to
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You can’t. They can only get get clean for themselves. Nothing you say, do, threaten will even help. You will make it worse. If you can’t deal with it then leave. Let him hit rock bottom. If he wants to get back up he willZ
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Record his outburst and play them for him. Make him see how obnoxious he is, then leave. If he can’t get his shit together to get you back, that’s on him.
You cannot. They need to help themselves. The best way to help them is by helping yourself. Anything else is enabling. Go to an Alanon group… There you can learn so much…
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He has to want sobriety… has to hit rock bottom first?
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I have 5 years sober… you cant force someone to get sober… they need to decide on their own that they are ready. Therapy for you… al-anon (for you)… those are things you can do now to help yourself and see what your next step should be 
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if you can get out safely, do so. he’s not going to change for anybody but himself. He sounds like he’s approaching bottom, but he’s not there yet, don’t let him take you with him. it’s sink or swim time and you’re not ready to sink with him. tough love. sorry, but it’s survival of the fittest and YOU need to stay safe and sane for the kids, and yourself.
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If he isnt willing to change then for the safety of your kids, Call him out on it, he either gets sober and never drinks again, or you pack your shit and the kids shit and leave,
Seriously 
YOU need to MOVE ON!! YOU can’t repeat YOU CANNOT STOP an ALCOHOLIC!!!
They MUST do it for THEMSELVES!!
RUN 
do not WALK!!
For THE SAFETY and HEALTH for YOU and your CHILDREN!!
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Have to give him consequences. The consequences of his continued behaviour is loss of home and family. If he doesn’t want these consequences then he needs to change his behaviour.
Old joke - how many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One - but the light bulb has to want to change.
As a former heavy drinker and smoker, I have to be honest and say the decision to change has to come from the person with the difficulty.
His time in Iraq could have resulted in PTSD and he needs to find a therapist who he can connect with and see as a person who is there to help and not judge.
But first and foremost he must acknowledge that he needs help, that’s the biggest step and it is probably scaring him silly.
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You need to get your kids out of that situation. If he doesn’t want help it will get worse!
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He won’t get help unless he wants it. In the mean time, you have to work on boundaries with him whether you stay or leave. My ex is an alcoholic too. I had to mentally detach myself from him for years so I could be healthy enough to raise the kids! I finally left and he’s still not sober. Alcoholism is a progressive disease… it’s very sad to watch but I refuse to lose myself in his problems ever again. Hugs
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You cannot. That person has to want the help. The more you try and “help” the further away you will push them. As hard as it is to watch, as much as you love that person, until they are ready (they may never be) there is nothing you can do. If you force help, it will turn them away.
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Take him to an AA meeting. Take the kids and go stay somewhere else, it’ll make him hit bottom much faster… it’ll be bad and it’s going to break your heart, but it just might save him and your family
I would say it is near impossible I’m afraid 
my dad is one and it breaks me and has all my life because I want to save him but only he can save himself 
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AA. Meetings,. No. Booze. In. The. House
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Hate to say this but you need to get out. Your not abandoning him. I know it feels that way but he is the one making the choice to keep drinking. Continue to live with this person will take a toll on your mental health and the children’s. The longer you stay and allowing him to get away with it the harder it will be for you to get out. Alcoholics won’t change!! They have to be the one to recognize they have a serious problem and take the steps to fix it themselves. I hate to tell you they may not or ever get help. You have done all you can you made the right steps to try and help and he is still making the choice to drink. You gave this relationship your all and you didn’t give up you really tried. There comes a point when you have to be for yourself and for your mental health to leave. You need to be for your children right now and how can you be truly for them if your mental health is suffering too. They already have lost a parent. They need you to be in your right mind too. I know this is super hard decision to make but you need too to be able to survive and live for you and your children. Yes the guilt feeling will come with this so I suggest you keep going to counseling to help Cope with the emotional side that is going to come with leaving to help give you find tools to help with the process. Again it has to be up to your man to quit. But please get some help. I dealt with this with my X. Years and years I stuck it out and he never saw the problem and took a huge toll on my mental health. So I have been there and I know you can do it. And I know it’s going to be hard to hear this kind of advice and the guilt and you still love him. Trust me it will save you years of more anguish if you leave. Sending prayers to you. I hope you find peace and your able to move forward.
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He a veteran and deserves some help, there are programs for him. His therapy or inpatient program should be covered
I know of one NSBA Hero’s on horseback, please Google others and get yourself into Alanon.
You don’t deserve abuse but at the same time he deserves help. If you love him -you all can get through this. I’m sorry this is happening to your family
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You don’t. It isn’t your job. Get out of his way and let him experience the consequences of his attitudes and behaviors.
Let your individual therapist know you’re ready to resolve your codependency and learn healthy and effective communication skills. If that doesn’t work and you keep trying to control him, try alanon. If your kids are exposed to him in anyway- during your parenting time or whatever- ask their therapists if they think you should find them an alateen group for their own support system.
Stop trying to control addicts and let them be uncomfortable enough to make changes.
Im married to an alcoholic. It sucks and is very draining. We have been together 9 urs married for 2. This last year has been the worst its ever been. I found him at a motel with another woman and he has choked me. He knows he is an alcoholic but chooses that over me. Most people who are alcoholics have underlying trauma and your partners is iraq. And im sure you down playing him being there makes him drink more. He needs someone who specializes in that area. There is only 2 choices for you to do here. Stay and be miserable and hope and pray he gets sober. Or leave and be happy. Cause he wont get sober until he is ready or he hits rock bottom and something tragic happens
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You can’t help him. He has to be ready to help himself first.
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You need to protect the kids. Living with an active addict/alcoholic is extremely detrimental to their health and safety. I urge you check in with ACOA and find out how it affects them still as adults. Document like crazy while you find yourself a lawyer and work on an exit plan. Please leave don’t be dragged down emotionally and financially while he works on his rock bottom that he may never find. Work on therapy for you and the kids to start processing this in a healthy way.
I’ve been sober for almost 3yrs. I had people preach to me until they were blue in the face. I finally got sober when I got pregnant and I wanted it. An addict has to want to change. As long as they don’t see an issue, they’ll keep going. I was at the lowest I have ever been and couldn’t stand the life I was living. I begged God to help me get sober and he gave me my miracles in the form of babies. He has to want it and until he does, you’re wasting your breath. It may take y’all splitting for him to realize it, it may not. But either way, you have to do what’s right for you and your kids.
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You need to let him bottom out by leaving him
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You need to find a support group for people that are married to alcoholics…maube nami can help…and absolutely need to do what’s best for you and your kids…its not healthy a healthy relationship for you or and your kids dont need to see or think is acceptable…
You’ll need to make an ultimatum and stick to it…
Time to put you and your kids first maybe you leaving will invoke change if not then you still made the right call
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In the many years I’ve been living with an awful alcoholic, I can tell you that there’s no amount of love in the world that will help him. The only thing that’s gonna help him is himself and if he doesn’t want that help, that’s not on you. You can’t help but wish there were something you could do, you try and beg and plead and give ultimatums, but in the end, it’s all up to them. You’ll literally drain yourself dry if you don’t just leave him to be miserable on his own. It’s gonna hurt, but you’ve gotta do it. For the sake of your own sanity, and for y’all’s babies.
Umm, excuse me. Shame on you! If he was a combat soldier.in Iraqi Freedom, there is a very good possibility that he is suffering with PTSD. My bf served there. He is a great guy that used alcohol to not remember the horrified things that happened in that war. What your bf and my bf had to do to survive. Which was killing lots of people and being in survival mode for so long.
Your bf is using alcohol to numb his pain. He can get help through your local VA HOSPITAL! They will help him with his OBVIOUS PTSD. Had you not disregarded him talking and crying during a drunk spell, you may have helped him to get the care he needs. Combat Vet PTSD kills 1,000 of our Veterans a day. By suicide. Let that sink in.
I’m not telling you that what he does while drunk should effect your safety and your children’s safety. You can help him from a distance.
If you want to get down to the bottom of this because you love him. CALL THE VA HOSPITAL!
My bf stopped drinking 8 years ago. With the proper treatment by VA trained staff, your bf may be able to learn the skills necessary to achieve sobriety and learn how to live with PTSD.
Thank him for his service.
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He won’t change until he hits bottom. Unfortunately he will take you with him. It took my brother bottom to stop, death was his bottom
If there’s alanon meetings near you go . It’s for families of alcoholics. Best advice there sadly until he is ready to deal with it he won’t. But if you all stick together and refuse to be near him when he drinks that helps . I’m in England I know of a few rehabs that will help .
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Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone that is struggling with active addiction is love them from a distance.
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Run, and take the kids with you. They deserve better. Teach them not to tolerate that kind of behavior in a partner. You can’t fix him, and he won’t change. Let him sort out his own life, without you.
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As someone who was married to an alcoholic, it’s very hard to be the significant other and only sober parent. My marriage started out great, but then slowly I started realizing his drinking was too much. Before I knew it he was hiding alcohol everywhere, coming home wasted, wouldn’t go places he couldn’t drink at. I finally packed his stuff 2.5 years ago and filed for divorce. I refused to allow my children to see that life and think that was acceptable. Trust me when I say that they will only get help If they want to. Sending you hugs because I know how gut wrenching this is to experience.
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Look into al-anon. I spent so many years taking on my ex husband’s alcohol problems, even after he finally got sober it affected me, it then followed me to my new relationship 15 years later. I recently found out about al-anon and its helping me so much. (My now ex husband started drinking again after 15 years of sobriety after I left and I found myself trying to cure him yet again) it’s not our battle and we shouldn’t have to suffer because of it. Please check it out. They have meetings practically everywhere. It’s for family and friends of alcoholics. You will learn so much. I wish I had known about it a long time ago.
RUNNNNNNNN Dogs dont change there spots!!! hes useing his service problem to drink move on save your kids
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At this point you have to do what’s best for the children. My dad served in Desert Storm and Gulf War. He has Gulf War Syndrome but won’t admit it. My dad, being a functioning alcoholic, would also tell you to put the kids first.
Video hi, show him how he acts. Unless he can admit it hes not ready to stop.
Unfortunately you cannot make an addict see they’re an addict until they’re ready to admit it to themselves.
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I can’t skip the fact that you say he’s telling you he’s had issues in Iraq and your response was “I have to take that with a grain of salt “. Unless you were there , you have no idea what it was like for him. PTSD is real. And people handle it differently. He needs therapy . But you can’t make him get help
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I’m dealing with that right now my 5 month olds dad is one I finally got the strength to leave him and kick him out he would watch the baby while drunk and me at work I counted the days in a row and it was 5 days so I told him to get help or he can leave he thought I was joking at 1st made everything out to be my fault but I was stronger then that we haven’t been together in a little over a month my best advice for u to wait until u are strong enough then leave him if u do it before ur strong enough u will take him back
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Go to alanon. They will help you.
As for him, he has to want it.
Alanon will help you figure this out.
I have dealt with an alcoholic. They won’t get help unless they want to. He didn’t want to. I tried to stay and help him. Our kids were from previous marriages and grown. It was just us. It was awful. I finally had to leave. He drank himself into cirrhosis of the liver and developed a malignant lesion on his liver as well. I was there for him as much as I could be. I went with him to doctor’s appointments, visited him in the hospital. Saw him at home when I had taxi money. He finally died at home. He was by himself at the time. The police found him after I tried to call, couldn’t get an answer, and sent them to do a welfare check. I was a mess for a long, long time. Felt guilty for leaving him alone. But it would have destroyed me if I had stayed.
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A split may be what he needs to get his stuff together. He is the only one who can change things. Find an Alanon group near you by google search. It will help you.
Go to an Alanon meeting. Until he admits he has a problem sober neither of you well benefit.