My girlfriend is pregnant, she has just entered the second trimester with our firstborn. We're having a daughter!!
However she has been unable or incapable of quitting smoking. I managed to quit after failing multiple times a decade or so ago, so I know the struggle she’s going through, however she believes a good compromise is down to one or two a day.
My biological parents left me with a few partying gifts because they couldn’t quit their addictions and I do not want any of this revisited on my own child.
What are some healthy ways I can both support her but also continue to let her know how important it is that she continues to try and quit? The last time I tried she broke down and told me I couldn’t make her feel any worse than she did herself, as she already feels like a failure for it. I don’t want to do that again.
Maybe talk to her doctor, or google, which patches she can use to help? I know there’s certain ones that can be used during pregnancy, while others can’t. Besides that it’s really just quitting cold turkey, which i would assume is very hard in general let alone when you’re pregnant and craving it. It’s only for 9 months, less time now that she’s in the 2nd trimester so motivate her, she can do it! They’re many issues that can happen if a mother smokes while pregnant, or is even around smoke while pregnant. It’s for the health and safety of your baby. I’m sure she already feels awful and it sucks having someone constantly tell you what you’re doing wrong, but she really just needs to stay strong & focused for baby!
lollipops help some people. I suggest looking into zolli pops i believe they’re called… they are healthy ones without a TON of sugar and fake toxic color in them.
You cant quit unless you want to. Praise her for getting down to one or two. I was at about 3 a week when pregnant but I was also under a lot of stress. If it helps I haven’t smoked in 16 years and it repulses me now.
I went on a vape. Literally packed cigarettes in & switched to a vape. I still vape now 5 years later but without nicotine! Not advising for pregnancy as such but it must be better than actual cigarettes.
I know it’s not easy to quit smoking when your pregnant , but is their any smoke free programs she can go on? I’ve been smoke free for almost 7months . I was on this program that help me stop , they give vouchers every week when they test you. Maybe try and replace her smokes with a vape.
Tell her to talk to her Doctor for the best options for her. Some docs don’t recommend quitting cold turkey as it can be worse!! I had it easy cause cigarettes literally made me soooo sick the smell everything when I was pregnant. Give her some credit for doing what she is so far and get support from her doc for the rest.
I tried those e Cigg things and they helped me quit.
I never thought I would be able to stop , but then I stuck to it and only smoked that e cigg and got sick of it and quit all together . Til this day I do not smoke . I craved for it but I fought through
Tell her I have lost EVERY family member to those CANCER sticks. All it does. Is cause lung cancer. To be morbid. Tell her if she wants to be around to raise her child put it down. Tell her lungs dont develop on a child until 3 and what she does in utero disposes kid to all sorts of chemicals. Should make her stop.
Back in 1978, I smoked with my son. He weighed 8lb13oz and is now 6’8". With my daughter in 82 I smoked and she was 8lb8oz and 5’7". Neither has any lung/allergy problems. My mom smoked with all 5 of us, too. Maybe it’s just good genes or lots of luck. I quit over 30 years ago and haven’t looked back.
Vaping is not any better than cigs in my opinion. I know exactly what she’s going through and it’s hard. She’s cut way back from the sounds of things and you should give her some grace. My Obgyn said quitting cold turkey could do harm to my son as well as put him through withdraws. She suggested cutting back and weaning down.
Look at foods high in nicotine, eggplant is one of them I love. Cutting red meat & adding foods high in nicotine when she’s craving a cig,chewing gum or jolly rancher’s or something she enjoys & keeping her hands busy will help too. Good luck & congratulations! Also avoid smoking when she wakes, after eating or when she really wants them will help a lot also!
Oohh . I hate to confess this but I smoked 1 a day till I was 6 months and so far my daughter is 9 and nothing as of yet is wrong with her… I know it’s bad but it was terrible trying to quit!!
I got down to one or two a day but also used nicotine gum Walmart brand. in a couple of weeks I stopped smoking. I used the 4mg gum. Continued gum for months.
When I was pregnant I was actually told not to stop smoking but to cut back cause that could effect the baby more by cutting it out completely, I honestly think she is doing amazing only having 1-2 a day that is amazing…. But you can put a lot of stress on the baby if she is stressed, what ever momma is feeling the baby is feeling just be happy she cut back so much don’t stress her out more ….
Cinnamon disks and then a piece of nicotine gum instead of a cigarette… Worked for me for my pregnancy! I started right back up once I had her but it worked while I needed it to
I smoked with both of my kids. the dr suggested a low tar cigarette. Both of my babies came out healthy with no problems. with the second one, the dr told me she wouldn’t leture me about quitting because it could put more stress on the mom and baby.
Find a cognitive quitting program there are many free ones online. If she doesn’t change her mindset she can’t change her behaviour. Best of luck to her and Bub
When I was pregnant with my first I tried quitting cold turkey and my OB said it was stressing my body too much. I cut back to 1 or 2 a day. My baby was beautiful and healthy.
Same with my second daughter, quitting stressed my body out more than it was worth. Once again, I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby.
At least shes trying. And she does feel guilty and it trying to cut back. Quitting may be ideal, but we need to lose this idea that smoking is DEFINITELY going to cause harm for her growing baby. Her dr may give her outlets to help but otherwise she needs to do what’s best for both her and baby
It probably won’t be healthy for the baby for her to quit cold turkey. The baby is use to getting the nicotine as well so it may stress the baby out if she quits suddenly. Cutting back and limiting the amount of cigarettes she smokes in a day will definitely be a place to start.
Try contacting your local health department. I work at the health department in Ohio and there is a program for moms to quit smoking. It helps them get food for the babies free diapers coupons all the way up until the babies a year old as long as they maintain not smoking maybe an incentive will work
You’re never gonna quit unless you really want to. With that being said… if you want to, you only REALLY crave a cigarette 4 or 5 times a day. When those times come, distract yourself. Hard candy works. & lots of water, because it makes you thirsty. Good luck.
Everything I wanted to say has been said above but do you remember the withdrawals? Can you imagine mixing withdrawal with all the pain and emotions of being pregnant as well?
I’m 35 weeks and have made it to 1 cig a day but I absolutely cannot stop completely because of the amount of physical pain and sickness I feel after going more then 24 hours without one.
Quiting smoking is one of the hardest things you can do.
Being pregnant is one of the hardest things you can do.
Give her a break. Tell her you support her no matter what and ask her what specifically she needs from you but other then that, putting you’re option in on the subject is clearly just stressing her and it’s probably making it even harder for her to quit
Drs don’t recommend quitting cold turkey anymore, as it stresses your body out too much and in turn stresses the baby out. The fact that she only smokes 1 or 2 a day is probably fine and if she already feels bad enough I wouldn’t necessarily bring it up. Just keep telling her you’re proud of how far she’s come with it and that might help in itself to get her to quit.
To the ones on here saying get her to vape instead and that they quit smoking when they started vaping… I’m sorry but that is the stupidest shit I have heard!! Please if anything DONT let her start vaping!! Hell cigarettes are better then vaping
I smoked with both my boys, both perfectly healthy boys. My mom smoked with all 5 of my siblings and myself all born healthy no issues at all. 1 or 2 a day won’t hurt much.
I went cold turkey with my 2 older babies and I am pregnant again cold turkey as well I love my babies and I will not harm them as it can affect them when they get older or when they are in the womb
I’m gonna go off topic here for a second JUST to say that I think this post/question is the SWEETEST! I applaud this guy for being so supportive and having the courage to ask a group of mainly women about something he is concerned about! To the person asking, I hope you get the advice, help & support you/her need
I know numerous people has said this already but it is actually worse for her and the baby if she quits cold turkey it is great that she has gone down to 1-2 a day many people smoke for stress relief and many continue just out of habit try working her through things that are stressful for her and try to help her find a different way to cope with the habit such as chewing gum, sucking on a hard candy
Support her for what she has done and never criticuze. She probably wants to quit but feels she cannot so supporting her will help her stay smoking 1 or 2 a day.
What about vaping with no nicotine. I was pregnant and was advised by my Dr not to quit cold turkey but to slowly cut down and then we switched to vape and now after a year I don’t do anything
Alot of people will disapprove of what I am about to say but that is okay… I smoked during both my pregnancies and both my boys were healthy and still are. The obgyn will tell you not to quit cold turkey because of the withdrawals and that can be worse on the baby than cutting back. As long as she has cut back that is the best thing at this point especially since she is in the 2nd trimester…
Don’t force her it will be worse it be more stress I know a lot of people with healthy babies I smoke only cigarettes my first my last two was only pot it be too stressful for her and the baby if she quits especially if ur badgering her
With my daughter I smoked and the doctor told me only to cut down and not to quit as it can cause more stress on the baby I think she’s done great to cut down to 1 or 2 a day
I’m a smoker and pregnant to my doctor told me that they can put me on the patch to quit while I am pregnant, ask the obgyn to put her on the patch to quit smoking, thats what I’m gunna have my doctor do on my next visit
If she has atleast cut down that’s a plus, smoking while pregnant is of course not good but can’t really make her do anything she doesn’t want to. You can always remind her the risks and remind her that 9 months (or however long is left) isn’t too long to help make sure baby is as healthy as possible. I smoked about a pack a day and once I found out I quit immediately and didn’t touch them again while pregnant. Once she was born that was a different story.
She shouldn’t quit cold turkey because it can stress herself and the baby out. Slowly reducing the amount of smokes is the safest option. I would try and reduce the stress around her. Do the house chores for her. Bring her food and water. Get out of the house when you can and go outside to parks. Support her. She is already doing the hard work and cutting back let her know that you a proud of her for that.
She may feel bad but not as bad as giving birth to a premature baby who could be underweight. Her life is not her own when pregnant. Encourage her to speak to her OB/GYN and take the steps to giving your daughter a healthy start in life. I’m sorry but smoking during pregnancy is wrong!
I was told by multiple obs not to quit but to cut down as the the withdrawal can kill the baby. Smoked with all my babies and all are perfectly healthy
I think it’s super cute and sweet that you want to support her with her journey to quitting smoking, My partner and I were in the same boat, I was a big smoker before getting pregnant, when I found out I was I cut down to 1 or 2 a day(doctor suggested), I didn’t fully quit until after baby was born, he was healthy and happy and I have now been smoke free for 8 months
I was told by my specialist to cut back but not to quit cold Turkey as the shock it sends to your body is worse than just cutting back. My suggestion would be to just support her on the fact that she has cut back, and please don’t hold it against her. As a pregnant woman myself who still smokes (but cut back dramatically) negative comments from my partner about it makes me feel so much worse than I already feel. We already know its not healthy, we already feel guilt and shame over it, we don’t need our partners adding onto that
I was told both pregnancies to slowly cut back. Both OB’s I had said it would stress my body and the baby’s body by just up and stopping. I got down to 2 cigs a day by the time my children were born. Idk if you can use patches or gum during pregnancy but it’s worth looking into. You may find other means that are safer during pregnancy with your research
I had been told to cut back as much as possible if I couldn’t quit altogether. If she’s only smoking one or two cigarettes a day, that’s pretty fabulous. Keep encouraging her, tell her she’s doing great at cutting down, maybe that’ll give her the push to quit altogether. Be as supportive as possible.
For those who said their doctor said not to quit cold turkey. BS. You heard what you wanted to. It’s definitely more harmful to smoke than quit during pregnancy.
I truly find the you must not be a smoker line pretty petty. I’m a smoker. Quit with both of my pregnancies. So yes, you have a point of how addictive it is since I started back up and it’s difficult. I’ve been a smoker for 15 years as soon as I found out I was pregnant I quit cold turkey. And I didn’t even think twice over it. My mind set is i would never be able to live with myself if i knew I was the cause of a defect or problem during my pregnancy.
I mean do as you choose, your body… your choice. But I also believe if your will power is there, you’ll do it without thinking twice.
It’s a long time ago I had my last baby and although smoking was still frowned upon 30 yrs ago , but I have 5 children all born good healthy weights , all went over their due dates , but natural normal delivery for them all , ranging in birth weight from 8lb1oz and they got bigger everytime last baby was 10 lb 2oz ,
Time for yall to have a chat with her obgyn and her dr. To come up with a plan. Just don’t shame her or make her feel bad because the stress of pregnancy and hormones is already a whole challenge in itself. I wish you guys luck and hope you have a safe healthy baby
If she’s been smoking the whole pregnancy she can’t cold turkey quit. It could harm the baby. Any ob would tell you the same. The baby is addicted. That’s nicotine. It’s a drug. She could miscarriage. She is doing good with the way she doing. But I do implore you to never smoke in the baby’s presence. Second hand smoke is more deadly than 1st hand I am living proof. I have never smoked anything. I have asthma. Even as a child. I now have COPD and live on a nebulizer to breathe. I’m sure later I will be on oxygen. My father and 4 siblings did. I pray I don’t get lung cancer. Let her know to only smoke out side. God bless y’all. Also your baby will go thru withdrawal when she’s born. Many prayers for y’all to overcome this. My daughter used Herbal cigarettes to help her cope.
And I have to say im going through the same exact thing I quit smoking for months but was only vaping then I got pregnant and vaping made me sick so i went back to smoking and now I get to “hormonal/emotional” when I try to stop
She cannot just stop she has to stop little by little, it can be harmful to the baby, most of the time it will get to a point that it will make her sick and she will stop.
I quit cold turkey the moment I had a positive test. It’s a choice she’s choosing to make and she shouldn’t be manipulative by saying you’re making her feel awful about it. It’s the reality of the situation
Unpopular opinion and no I’m not going to argue with people that reply. If you can’t quit for the sake of your unborn child then you are selfish. I was a heavy smoker before I got pregnant so believe me, I know what it’s like to be addicted. As SOON as I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks, I quit cold turkey. If you can’t quit knowing you’re pregnant, it’s because you’re choosing not to.
Stop pressuring her. She knows. Too much stress is JUST as unhealthy as a single cigarette a day until she can bring herself to do what she’s already trying…
And that’s exactly what my doctor told me when I was struggling with the same situation. Good on you for being able to quit, but she’s not you.
And to everyone saying “no doctor would say that”…look how many HAVE said it…
If quitting doesn’t cause you stress than yes, duh, that’s healthier…no one is here saying smoking is just fine, but some of you really need to look into the actual damage stress causes, and how maximized stress gets when you’re fighting an addiction🤦🏼♀️
To all the smoking moms…
My mom was quit for 25 years when smoking killed her. She died knowing she was missing my wedding and my first child (her only grandchild). She died when I still desperately needed her. Becoming a mother without a mother is a trauma that I will never recover from, and it was a heavy weight that she had to carry through the valley of death. So… if you wanna meet your grandkids, maybe find a way to stop? Take Chantix. Take antidepressants. Go to addiction meetings. Idk. Fight for your lives now, because you’ll absolutely regret not doing it later. Quitting when she did bought her time, and it still wasn’t enough. Everyday you smoke could be a day you miss watching your child grow. But… Good luck, either way.
Being an avid smoker before my first child I can tell you, no it’s not easy but also not impossible to quit cold turkey. Its been 7 years for me now since I quit and haven’t gone back. It’s called self control. And caring about the baby growing inside you
My personal opinion is, everyone has different situations or circumstances in their lives, and for some smoking is a big part of their daily routines. I don’t smoke and never have smoked, but my parents, husband, aunt’s, uncle’s, sister and a lot of my friends do smoke, and I don’t remember any of them quitting when pregnant and they for sure weren’t labeled as selfish and not caring of their unborn baby. Those that are saying she’s selfish and don’t care about her baby are just being mean and hateful! The OP stated his wife already has breakdowns for feeling guilty about smoking and some of y’all just want to add to that stress and guilt she’s feeling! I’m glad he is giving her support and reaching out to this group to ask for recommendations on how to help her quit! Keep up the support for her and send her my love and tell her I’m proud of her and how far she has come in this road bump in y’all’s story!! Congratulations on the upcoming arrival of baby girl!! I’m sure you’re going to be an amazing daddy as well as your wife is going to be an amazing mother!! Best of Luck!!
Champix is the only thing that ever worked for me and I tried to quit several times and it’s bc it makes u feel sick with every puff u take it conditions u to hate smoking and it works
Andrea Rene if I read the post right she only smokes one or two so tgst is a good start. Honestly I believe the stress from making her feel bad for smoking after cutting back thst much can b just as harmful.
I prayed really hard for it to make me sick so I didn’t want them… then I bought a vape (cheap & no flavor) and left it in my car out in my driveway. If I got a craving for a cigarette, I would walk out to my car and take a drag off the vape and make myself walk back in the house. If I wanted more I would walk back out. It helped me not get headaches and after about a week I didn’t want to walk out in the 100 degree heat anymore. Also if you smoke you should quit too. It’s harder to quit when others around you still smoke.
Although I think smoking is one of the nastiest habits a person could have, I’m sure most of our moms smoked or drank with us and we turned out just fine… I think
but without nicotine! Not advising for pregnancy as such but it must be better than actual cigarettes.
I think she’s done great to cut down to 1 or 2 a day 
Good luck, either way.
