How to help my husband understand?

I am barely coping. I have a 10 week old baby and a 5 year old. My husband works 5 days a week and I have the kids full time (also school holidays at the moment). I spend the entire day with my kids and tending to their every needs. I also clean, do washing, dishes, vacuum while husband is at work. After work he grabs a beer and sits on his phone. If I ask him to hold the baby for me to have a moment he sighs. He always sighs at any moment when I ask him to do things. Or even just to watch them while I finish cooking dinner. He always says "just let me chill out" or he also just sits on his computer. I'm fed up because I know he works all day but we all know as mothers or (stay at home fathers) that having your kids home all day and maintaining the houses needs is a full time job. And don't get me started on the fact that he has not once done a night feed, not even with our 5 year old when he was a baby. I also have fully stopped desiring him 😞 And I'm sure that these are the reasons why. Nothing is sexier than a good dad!!! I have thought about sex non stop since I stopped hurting from birth but I just don't want to do it, especially with the way I'm feeling toward him. I don't want to have sex with him and that suddenly make everything okay. I'm just screaming from the inside when I am around him and I've had enough! We are about to buy a house together and now I'm constantly thinking is this actually the right thing to do? And yes I've tried talking to him he just doesn't seem to care. He's the most un affectionate person I've ever met. I'd love some advice I guess? I'm not sure. I want things to work but how can I make them work, how can I make him understand
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He should be on bath and bedtime duty every night. If I were you I would pick however many nights a week you need and as soon as he gets home leave for an hour or two. He will understand what you go through and appreciate you more … you will be a better mother and wife cause you are getting breaks. When you expand your family you have to adjust the house rules. You just can’t do it alone the way you did with 1. He will get with it when he knows you will not put up with it. Honestly if he doesn’t see how tired you are and tell you to go lay down etc… how did his momma raise him. I tell my boys over and over. Your wife is a team member… she will go above and beyond if you just extend even the smallest of efforts in the household and with your children. A marriage is never happy if everyone is not giving 100 percent. I had to have this same conversation with my husband… some men did not have great father examples but if they love you and their family they are willing to what is needed

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my husband understand?

You can’t help someone who doesn’t see a problem with their actions.

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This seriously sounds like my life but I have 9 kids and get zero help from my husband. I wish I had advice for you :cry: I just pray things get better and hopes one day it will :heart:

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Sometimes you got to show him. Idk if it will work just leave him with everything. See how he likes it. I have before. It got a bit better. Leave a note saying you need a break and leave him with the kids and the house see how he likes it.

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quit having kids with men who don’t help🤷🏻‍♀️ if he didn’t help with kid 1, why do you think he would help with kid 2.

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When I was a SAHM, and I was for years, I hired a babysitter to come a few hours a week so I could do my errands, go to lunch with friends, have me time. He has a full time job, you have a full time job taking care of your home, get a babysitter that way you both will find yourselves in a happy median. It will help your mental health tremendously and won’t be so frustrating for you in the evening when he’s home trying to unwind because you’ve had your time as well. Although, my husband loved holding our baby son, I never had to ask him if that.

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Share this letter/post. Be brutally honest. It will either wake him up or be the breaking point. We should be able to be 100% ourselves with our soul mate, other half… our best friend…

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Find a new one, honey

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Tell him. Sit him down and start talking…full disclosure how you feel. Say everything you wrote here. Especially if your about to go into debt on a new home. Do it now before it’s too late. Maybe it will open his eyes. Maybe not. If not …bye to him. Tell him your DONE! Men can be a bit blind. It wasn’t until I was brutally honest with mine that he said …I didn’t know it realize. I’m sorry. He now helps. He’s retired mind you but, he started helping more after we discussed it. He said your here all day. I said exactly. Day and night. How would you like to live where you work. 24-7? They just don’t see a problem. After he has his beer ,don’t ask just put the baby in his arms. Don’t speak …just do it. What’s he going to do. Hand her back…let him. Most wouldn’t. Holding your child is a precious and beautiful thing. If he doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want any if it. Then you’ll know how he really feels about all of you. Just talk to him. Write out your daily schedule if it helps. Everything you do. Day and night. Time and activity and date. God bless.

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This sounds like my life except no husband and I work more than full time to support my children by myself. Been doing it all since the youngest of 3 kids was 6 months old🤷🏼‍♀️

Been there done that. It won’t get any better unless he wants it to. I stayed til my kids was 17/18. It never changed couldn’t get him to even go to his kids events (school activities, scouts, sports). All you can do is bring it to his attention and if he doesn’t do anything to change you already know what you gotta do. I just wish I would have left years earlier when I seen nothing was getting better.

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I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but you shouldnt have had a second child when he didnt even help out with the first one. Raising a single child is extremely time consuming and expensive,not to mention tiring .

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My husband also works 5 days a week. Gets home goes straight to his computer. Never helps with our almost 4 year old. I also work pt. Take care of all appointments bills everything. Sometimes my husband will clean the kitchen after I cook but that’s just started. If I say no to sex all hell breaks loose. This has been since day 1 that our son was born. I hope your husband changes but it’s not likely. Accept what it is or make the necessary changes

You said it yourself in your post. He doesn’t care. It’s not that he doesn’t hear you when you try and talk to him. He truly doesn’t care. He sighs when you ask him to hold his own child. He doesn’t interact with them. He thinks his only job is to leave the house and work. Once he’s home he feels he doesn’t have to lift a finger. That’s wrong on many levels. You work 24/7 as a SAHM with no time to “chill out”. You don’t get breaks like he does at work (lunch break and whatnot) and when he comes home he’s on “break”. He has it made. Honestly I wouldn’t buy a house with him. You’re miserable. You don’t find him attractive anymore because he’s LAZY and does absolutely NOTHING when he’s home. And rightfully so. How can you find a lazy man attractive or what to be intimate with them when his entire attitude toward you and the children are disgusting. You deserve better. Those kids deserve better. You’re miserable and it’s only going to get worse.

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No way I’d go into debt like that, felling the way you do.
Nope.

Therapy because this won’t change on its own

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Sorry about your emotions and yes I agree there is nothing more exhausting than looking after kids fulltime…
I was married 20 years before I had my first child and that’s when the real man emerged…I stuck it out for my second treasure and then he left for greener pastures…best thing he ever did because the one that emerged after the birth of our kids was a self centered idiot…
No real advice except this…he ain’t ever going to change and you won’t find him sexy again…split whilst you can and definitely hold off buying that house

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Honestly I had no help with my girls and got tired of it and I went into the room and yelled at him I was going insane I told him look I need help you helped make these kids you will help raise and take care of them I need a damn break I need a shower can you watch them so I can shower at least not saying go yell at him because it turned into a fight and we had a yelling match then I said here you go I am going to shower and he does help now but that’s not the solution I’m not saying go and do that because you guys could fight he could get up and leave for hours or whatever I would hate to see that happen

Get a friend or famimy member to help out or hire a babysitter once in a blue moon. If a guy works all week…then shouldnt be trying to toss kids on him as soon as he gets home. Wait until he has had 24 hours off from work and then ask. Remember my cousin married a woman that constantly tossed kids on him as soon as he got off work. They ended up divorced. Also…maybe look into going to church. Get a couple hours free time with kids in nursery and bible classes. Going to those indoor play places helps too. My kids run off and i dont see them but every few minutes,so get to sit and relax while they play.

Bring all this up as well after he has had 1 full day of rest. Remember when i worked all the time i didnt appreciate my husband’s mom tossing out daughter at me as soon as i walked through the door. I wanted to eat and shower and sit down for a minute first. Women dont get the same luxury when they work as men of not having kids as soon as get home. One reason why i became a SAHM. Working and coming home to take care of my daughter right after the stress of working all day was too much. After some rest he may be more open minded. At least maybe might agree to watch them while you go grocery shopping. That is about the only time my husband watches out kids besides when i have a drs appt …

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Don’t vacuum everyday. Don’t dust everyday. Don’t make the beds.
Order delivery for dinner. Go through a drive thru for lunch. Or eat cookies for lunch
I stayed home with our 3 while my husband worked and realized that there was nothing wrong with taking a break.
As for as your husband, if you’ve already expressed your feelings and he doesn’t care, you guys really need counseling because the relationship won’t fix itself. Even if it isn’t fixable, counseling will help you dealing with the aftermath.

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Tell him, do not ask, that if he wants dinner the kids are his responsibility while you cook, if he says anything or huffs, tell him you can watch the kids while HE cooks. Don’t ask him to watch the baby, set the baby in his arms and walk away. He helped make the kids so he is going to help raise them and care for him because they are half of him. Talk to him and tell him you can’t do everything.

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I pray GOD Blesses you an family

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Remind him that parenting isn’t a 9-5 job. Or better yet prove it to him. When he gets home tell him you need time off and go to the movies or visit a friend. Let him spend some time doing it all.

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Yeah HARD PASS. When I was a stahm he would walk through the doors care for his kids. I’m a working mom now, and when I walk through the doors I take care of my kids. A paycheck doesn’t make you a parent. And a stahm doesn’t maintain a relationship. It’s teamwork that maintains them all

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Therapy. And if he refuses then you need to really think about it you want to stay with this man or not. Because he is not going to be remembered fondly by your children as a great dad that spends time with them but the dad that came home from work and basically wanted nothing to do with helping out

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The fact some people laugh reacted is disgusting. This is something most of us go through on a daily & we cant even express it to people without it not being taken seriously. This is why people hold shit in & just eventually break. This shit isn’t funny… I can speak from experience. I am so sorry your going through this, I wish you the best & just know your not alone!

It gets better I have a 8 5 and 4 year old when the 4 your old was born a blew my back out during delivery like un- repairable and I also had a wet tap I leaked spinal fluid for a month !! Could barley stand I hated him threw that faze not gonna lie he wasn’t any help I felt like he just went to work but in reality he helped I couldn’t work and care for my babies and their was no way in hell I was able to do his job no way I struggled for year with the same mind set he doesn’t care blah blah blah but one day the kids got a little digger and dad could help more he didn’t feel like he was guessing what they needed he was able to acutely communicate with them and play/ teach them he still struggles a lot but he tries I was just so resentful that I didn’t even care at the time but now if I’m burnt to the stick he jumps to help it’s part of having kids women get the work load for the first few years and it’s hard so hard but rewarding trust me now my babies do basically everything I
Did for them for themselves and it’s hard to stand back and just be like ok you got it
:sob::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: it will get better !!! Their will be breaks !!! Hold on !!! Break take in the small moments every mom who’s got babies is in the same boat !!! Your not alone people just hide their struggles but your not alone !!

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I feel it should be common sense to help with the kids you made, and when I have to tell him how to be a dad or when he needs to help, it just feels like I’m raising another child. Like, if I’m making dinner, please watch the kids and not go off doing your own thing because “I worked all week and I’m tired” :roll_eyes: I’ve “worked” all week as well, non stop with my kids and the housework, but I don’t go off doing my own thing and not help with the children I made. Having a job does not mean you stop parenting and cleaning up after yourself. Single parents come home from work and immediately go into parent mode, so why should it be any different for a two parent household?

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You need to have a frank conversation with him about everything. I think you need to consider the two card method. Do not go into any type of debt until the marriage is either done or it’s being fixed. Personally I’d give some time when he comes home to switch gears but he as a parent should be stepping up after that time and doing everything that needs to be done. I’m also wondering what kind of homelife he had growing up. Did he have an active father in his life that did the nitty gritty parenting stuff? Stay calm during all of this, write it beforehand if necessary, and let’s each other finish speaking. It may be a good idea to have the kids stay with others so they aren’t distracting the conversation and also so they don’t hear if voices are raised. Needing the support of your partner is normal!

Tell him. Communicate all of this to him.

He sounds a lot like my ex husband

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Dump his ass NOW !!!

You definitely need you time… Tell him you’re going out and he’s watching them… All moms need me time

Being a mom whether stay at home or working mom we work 24/7. Even when we’re sleeping we have to wake up in the middle of the night to do feeding if they’re infants. Or when they’re sick and can’t sleep. Or if they had a bad dream and need comforting. Yes your husband works. But he is also the parent too and it is his responsibility to help you in the evening. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully it gets better for you.

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Grab the swing, walker or what ever u use to place the baby and bring it to him. U go do what u need to go do. Wear headphones so u can ignore him lol. He’ll eventually figure out he don’t want a crying baby and he gonna get up and comfort the baby. I know u looking for his initiative but some ppl are just not capable to show, so u initiate it for him.

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If things don’t get better at some point you may as well be by yourself. If the relationship isn’t really a two party relationship then what’s the use? Not bragging at all and am far from perfect but at the time my daughter was born (she’s 4 now) I had a full time job 45 hrs a week approximately and ran a business in my time away from the main employer and I held her all the time, put her to bed, fed her etc. now I do my business full time and take care of her pretty much full time (she goes to school part time). Is it a lot and stressful sometimes? Absolutely. I love my daughter though and my wife and I would do just about anything for my family. We only have one child together others are grown idk how he just expects he would not have to help especially with multiple small children. This is not the standard of a man I will have you know there are men who would be helping and doing plenty on this situation. I hope you can work it out and he can see the light somehow but I don’t feel like that will happen.

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So when do YOU get to “chill out”?? You need a break too Momma!!! He needs to step it up ASAP!!

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You have another child, not a partner. Been there. It doesn’t get better. That’s just how they are going to be. No internal motivation or drive.

Was he like that before you married him and had kids? If he did this with the first one why on God green earth did you have the second one. If he wasn’t helpful or affectionate before why would be now… yes he needs to unwind after work but he needs to help out with HIS family! He would come home to nothing

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When he gets home one day leave for a bit make sure baby is awake let’s see how he handles it.

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Just know you’re not the only couple like this. We have had 3 kids and I can relate to all your feelings. It’s really hard to understand eachothers feelings when you are both working hard!! Kids are the biggest blessings, but don’t make a relationship easy at times. Try talking with him hopefully in a nice calm manner and listen to what eachother is needing. I can say this now because our kids are 14,12 and 6😆 but back then I had dreamt of throat punching him many times… and today he is such a good dad and a great person. Relationships have major obstacles and if it’s meant to be you get through them.

we have 6 kids he works all week and hes helping me soon as he’s in the door because I’m most likely cooking super at that time. he does bath time most nights as well when I do dishes, he goes to bed at 9 when we put all our younger kids in bed so I’m not doing bedtime alone. he gets up all the time at night cause he knows it’s hard being with them 24/7. I think you are smart wondering if you should buy a house togeather, really think about it and what goes along with it. if this is the life you don’t want I promise there’s men out there who are willing to do the things you want done.

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I feel you on everything. When I had my second son I could not stand my husband. He didn’t help at all. He even got more baby bonding time then me and never spent time with him. I could count on 1 hand how many times he held him at 2 months old. My son got really sick at 2months and he just didn’t care. He wasn’t supportive of me when I wanted to take him to the er. I lost all respect for him that night and couldn’t even look at him. I ended up leaving him when my son was 6months old. I couldn’t do it anymore. He got his shit together real quick. I’m not saying to leave him. But you have to put everything out there. We did counseling and I know we still need it because honestly it helps. We are back together and things are much much better. If you aren’t happy you need to tell him. And he has to actually want to change… for things to actually get better.

Some married moms are really single moms

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I know it’s hard, mama. I’ve been both a working mom and a SAHM and staying at home is 100% more hard. It’s physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually EXHAUSTING!! If you don’t/have never experienced this life, you will not understand what it is like or just how much it takes out of you. You quite literally lose yourself caring for everyone else. Give him an ultimatum. Make him get it. Tell him you are leaving for a few hours for a girls night and just leave. He made those kids too. You cannot pour from an empty glass. You are important too. You are the backbone of the family. Don’t forget that you matter.

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As long as you allow him to act like this he has no reason to change. Put your foot down and demand an equal partnership or leave. Period. Non-negotiable. You can’t make him be a loving caring partner. He has to choose to either be the man that you deserve or get out of the way so someone else can. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH THIS MAN Until you have been happy and secure for at least a year don’t entangle yourself further.

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:roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: is this real? Lol

he helped make the kids he can definitely help raise them.just because someone stays home it’s not 1 parent job.

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He doesn’t get it because he doesn’t want to get it. It works out better for him if he doesn’t. My ex was the same.

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Genuinely set him down and tell him that you feel like a single parent this will make him feel some type of way and go from there

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The no help in nighttime feedings was what pushed me over the edge!

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You two need to sit down and really talk things out. I am a SAHM and my husband fully admits that being home with the kid is much harder than his 9-5. Does that motivate him to change the status quo? Not so much. Unless you got super lucky EVERYONE would prefer to do less. My husband does all the vacuuming and mopping. Cooks two dinners a week. Does half the grocery shopping. Changes diapers, bathes, and feeds our daughter. That did not all happen on its own and I still do the lion share of housework and childcare. But it only happened because I laid it out for him.

If your husband needs some time when he gets home to unwind after a days work and sitting through traffic then I think a good compromise is he gets 15-20 minutes but then he’s up and interacting with the kids so you can get dinner on the table. Divy up some of the housework to him. And definitely on weekends he needs to pony up. Before I got pregnant with our second, my husband was in charge of Saturdays from the moment she wakes until her nap time by himself and I took Sundays. This way both of us get one morning a week to sleep in.

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You can’t change someone. He has to want to be a good dad and want to be involved. It’s prob not going to get any better. I’m in a very similar situation even down to the not desiring my husband. My baby is 8 months old and we haven’t had sex since I was pregnant. Men suck. I’m planning my exit, you may want to do the same.

No, it’s not the right thing at the moment. Any financial ties to him will make clear-minded decisions way harder. I don’t know what the solution to your problem is, but this is objectively a problem. He’s not pulling his own weight. He’s not investing in his own reproductive success, yet reaping the rewards.

If you are having doubts about staying with him buying a house will only make it more difficult to split later

Sis men know how to act and how to be a good father. If he wanted to he would. So this is up to you to be the bigger woman and walk away because you deserve better than this. I know it won’t be easy and I know it takes time but understand you deserve way better than what he is giving to you please.

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Do not buy a house with that man. It’ll be that much harder to get out when you’ve finally had enough.

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Ermmm I do all of that, and I’m a single mum. So why be with him if in all honesty he’s no help?

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Put your foot down! If he doesn’t get better, leave his ass!

The exact words you said here… You need to say to him. Not just in passing or when you’re pissed. Set him down when the kids are sleeping, look him in the eyes & say “I don’t want you to talk, I want you to listen” & quietly say these things to him. When you are done, open things up for discussion. He may be holding on to some resentment as well. I would suggest giving him 1hr to “decompress” from work mode to dad mode. After 1hr hand over the kids & go do you for an hour or so EVERYDAY. Any man that can’t give you 1hr to yourself, is a poor excuse of a husband!!

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Unfortunately I see this happen in more relationships than not - Men will take, take, and take more than they give. It’s unfortunate, but a lot of men think their sole purpose is to provide income and that’s ‘good enough’ - But that’s not being a parent, and they need to be told what to do if they don’t have enough common sense to figure it out, or are blatantly ignoring their parental duties because they know the Mom will pick up the slack every time.

It’s called “WEAPONIZED INCOMPETENCE” - They play dumb while you struggle to manage everything, because they don’t want to do basic care duties.

This will only continue as the kids get older, and then Mom will get blamed if “Homework isn’t done” or if the “kids rooms are messy” etc…

There needs to be designated times where Mom gets to relax, unbothered. Or when Mom can just go run an errand without the kids, etc.

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Young one the 4 pillars of a good relationship are trust, accountability, responsibility and loyalty. This is obtained through communication. Stop enabling him. Stop doing it all. When he realizes you “didn’t” have time to take care of his needs - maybe he’ll change his attitude- but you need to sit him down and talk now before your feelings are completely gone.

Find a man, not a 3rd child. He may work outside the home but that’s what? 8 hrs a day, and your job is no pay 24 hrs a day? Pretty sure you earn your keep. If not, find daycare and get a job, and an apartment. Let him work, keep up his own meals and laundry, and every other weekend be the dad for once and have no help, plus pay you child support for 2! Then see of his view changes. [email protected]#k that crap.

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Just DON’T buy the house!!! You need a clearer picture of your future first!

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You can do better than him

You don’t stop being a parent because one Person works and the other doesn’t. You are parents 100% of the time. Sure give him an hour once he gets home to settle in from his day but YOU also need some time to take a break and breathe! I was a stay at home mom and also a working mom and both are challenging everyday… at this point I’d throw the whole husband away , you are doing it all alone anyway and you can do bad by yourself! Stop doing his laundry or anything else you do for him that he doesn’t have to do for himself and just worry about you and the kids. It won’t be easy but you can’t keep going without help when you have someone else there who should be helping no questions asked!

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I am not sure if it is worth it. I would try couples counseling and see how engaged he is and if he is willing to try and work on things. If he doesn’t you know your answer and at least you tried. It sounds like he has checked out of the relationship.

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Do not buy a house together. He wont change and you will eventually decide you have had enough.

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I hate to say this but,if youre doing this on your own,I would walk away.I know how you feel.My kids father did the exact same thing yours is doing.I basically was a single mom.I decided to leave(amongst other reasons as well)

Omg do not buy the house together ! It won’t get better

If it hasn’t been said I am going to say it, go to therapy. This behavior happens in a lot of marriages and it’s not OK. I believe it’s also good to express how you feel just like you did typing this message. I think he needs to know where you are at and what you are feeling. This will not get better with out bringing attention to it, honesty, and therapy. I Want you to know that you are not alone, your feelings are validated, and a lot of this woman are going through this.

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Leave and don’t look back

Do not buy the house ‘together’. I would address the problems in the relationship first and set some rules and boundaries in the relationship. He made those children with you now he needs to man the f up and do his part!!!

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'If your gonna do It all by yourself, be by yourself! :raised_hands:

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now why the actual fuck would you go and buy a house with someone and this is your situation? honestly??

I have the same issue…my man works gets off around 7 comes home and either plays video games,watches tv,or passes out…and then complains about the noise( like 4 kids is going to be quiet haha) or whatever he can and I often tell him straight up to shut up…my job don’t pay a check, promotion, holiday/vacation/sick days it don’t tell me good job or stop at a certain time every day…that he can’t handle being around the commotion of everything for 5 min with out complaining of a headache so consider how I NEVER get away from it or a break…he doesn’t say much anymore but he still comes home and does his thing but honestly I let it go…it’s easier doing me n my kids without him anyway…I personally know my kids better and have my ways and it’s just easier…it’s sad but I’d rather him go to his room and be one less person I have to do for or show or tell how things are done as far as the kids, animals and house stuff…some say it’s bad or have there opinions but I honestly feel like my man being hands on is more stressful and almost like another child so I quit bitching and left him be…and when he does have something to say…I tell him get over it…it’s the kids home too and they are playing or whatever…I don’t fight and argue anymore…just let it be known that just because I don’t work( bring a check home) doesn’t mean I don’t have a job and doesn’t mean I’m not tired or whatever either…and that I am constantly working with kids that can be horrible sometimes…that’s about our only debate right now is he does it all and I don’t do anything

Oh…
I wish you the best
But I’m sad to say men like this almost never change
Of they do it’s momentarily, but then they go back to the old ways X10

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Here’s the thing about failing marriages. Divorces hit men harder because they claim they “don’t see them coming”. They don’t see how taking your work as a SAHM mom seriously and ignoring their need to help out is slowly killing your desire for them, and literally flips a switch. By the time a woman tells a husband that she wants a divorce, he all of a sudden wants to “work on the marriage” and the wife is literally done trying. Because she WAS trying the entire time she was BEGGING him to lighten her load and share the work of raising the children, and by the time they know you were serious it’s too late and the feelings are dead.

Men like this don’t care how tired you are. They don’t care about anyone but themselves and keeping the dynamic a way that they’re happy at the expense of your own.

Might be time to pack a bag for you and the kids, tell them that you’re going to live apart because if you’re basically going to be a single mom anyways, you might as well stop taking care of the grown assed man-child on top of it. Maybe his first couple of visitation weekends will clue him in on how exhausting it is to take care of 2 children (one who is a brand new infant) on top of trying to maintain the home and it will lead to a come to Jesus meeting for hIm BEFORE your feelings are completely dead.

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Make time together. Get that bond back. Talk to eachother spend time together. Also you need to put it straight that you are also tired, that you also need a break from time to time.

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No it’s not the right thing to do…

I could have written this myself, except our youngest is 4… so, I’m wondering…is it the norm for full time working husband’s to come home and actually help with housework and kids? He’s off on the weekends so I basically do my own thing and he takes care of them so I feel like it’s kinda even…idk.

On the weekend leave him with the kids the entire day! Let him see how hard it is

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I got divorced 6 years ago for this exact reason. Haven’t looked back. :woman_shrugging:t3::partying_face:

Take a day and go hang out with your friends and leave the kids at home, also look into getting a casual or part time job so he has to share the responsibility and not foster his every need onto you. He’s fully capable of looking after children and house, it’s like he’s become accustomed to you doing absolutely everything and is loving revelling in his laziness :rofl:
Stand up or walk out, otherwise this will become the norm.

Your doing it on your own why not just make it permanent. I mean husbands need to help either way. My husband worked 7 days a week sometimes I wouldn’t see him for a day or so but when he came home he relaxed for a while then just started helping me without being asked. He enjoys his time with his family and knows that being a mom is a hard job and was always there for me. Your husband has to want it like mine does. He needs to understand that being a mom is one of the most hardest jobs in the world. If he cant relax for an hour or so and then help you then he’s no good. I don’t mean as a human I’m saying he’s no good as a partner.

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You’re not having sex with him because he won’t help with household chores and being a present parent. Maybe he isn’t doing those things because he’s unhappy you’re not having sex and he works earning the financial burden not feeling appreciated? You’re both at a stand still of not being able to put yourselves in the others shoes, in my opinion. I think the best place to start isn’t to demand more from him. I think you need to lighten your load, find/hire some help to babysit the kids for a few hours a week, make a play date weekly for your 5 yr old, send the laundry to a service, have a housekeeper come once a month, have Grandma & Grandpa watch the kids for a few hours while you go out to dinner or just spend quiet time together alone at home with a pizza, etc.
this will make you both happier and less resentful of each other and then hopefully you will be able to get more rest and you can ask him to be more involved with the kids and have family time doing that together rather than expecting him to carry all your load, because that’s not realistic. You have a five year old, you saw how he helped then. So this isn’t just all about him. But stop being angry about it and find solutions that work for you and you’ll have a happier marriage. Or trade off is get a divorce and you’ll still be doing everything on your own, including earning a living and having to hire babysitters or daycare etc.

I hate to say this but unless he’s willing to go to counseling and work on it then he won’t change and do you really want to feel like this the rest of your life?

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When he gets home gets off for the weekend leave him over night,alone with the kids and if he says anything tell him you must want to chill out and have some time to yourself. This should wake him up and if it doesn’t you’re gonna have to either deal with it, or be a single parent.

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Idk if i can help u , I am old school whoever working full time + , don’t do shit at home , my husband work 40+ , and I full time mother ,I have 1.5 yrs old , 10 yrs old ,16.5 yrs old stepson … my husband didn’t do no night time feeding w baby at all bc he had be out of house like 6 am , I really don’t ask him do shit house, kids, aminals, all my Job …but he will watch baby while I cook , when he off he do some cleaning his choice…but u not happy don’t buy house it be harder to walk way

Run. Dont walk. Just run. Before its too late.

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If you have talked to him and it hasnt worked you either accept it or leave…leaving might give him the jolt he needs. My ex did nothing to help me when my kids were little…and i resented it and him…still do …good luck

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Tell him if he doesn’t change your leaving

There is always a disconnect when there is a stay at home parent involved. Been there. Done that. Now I work from home AND homeschool my kids. So I get it.

U can’t make him understand. Set boundaries. What can get done do it what can fall by the waist side don’t stress it

Some people couldn’t make it as single moms. And it shows. Try doing all that with four kids. Be grateful for what you have or take the kids and leave. Good luck doing it with out him.

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Not acceptable sorry. Tel lhim to pull his head out of his bum and pull his weight !

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DO NOT buy a house with this guy!!! He will NEVER CHANGE!! Life is to short to live this ways & b unhappy!!

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Stop doing everything. Dont cook him dinner dont wash his clothes and definitely dont have sex with him and when he asks why tell him he doesnt deserve it and you are not his servant