Needing tips on keeping up with housework.
How do other STAHM’s handle all of their housework? My daughter (1-year-old) always cries if I’m not holding her, and it makes it so difficult to do housework. She can be right next to me and will still cry her eyes out. It makes me feel so horrible, like I’m neglecting her, but my husband works very long hours outside every day, and if the house isn’t clean when he comes home he says he can’t relax and gets exceptionally irritated. I’m also in college, and she gets so upset when I don’t hold her that I can’t even do my school work without feeling guilty, when I’m going to college to make the best life for my family and dropping out is not an option. I feel like I’m a slave to the two most influential people in my life and all I try to do is be the best I can be for both of them. I either get to make my baby cry or neglect every other aspect of my life it seems. I’m about to come unglued if I can’t figure out a way to juggle my life, I am open to all advice other than: leave your husband or drop out of college
I wear my daughter, sometimes its the only way to get anything done
I use to put my daughter in a baby carrier when I was trying to pick up.
Let her cry every now and then. If she’s not hungry ,thirsty , wet , she’ll be fine.
My daughter is 10 months and I’m also in college. I find the best time to clean is when she’s eating. But you could also wearing a carrier.
Baby carrier saved my sanity
Either get a baby carrier and carry her around or everyone’s least favorite option is to let her cry it out.
I do one hour of cleaning when my son goes down for his morning nap, And a little by little throughout the day I’ll do random stuff as I’m walking by, or when I find a quick second. Other than that, I just do whatever I can after he goes to sleep at night without exhausting myself.
The world will not end if you put her down.
Maybe a pack and play next to you? You can still interact with her but she doesnt need to be on your body. Otherwise I’d suggest baby wearing.
Maybe she wants to help lol when she’s a little older give her play toys of whatever housework you’re doing. She can play wash dishes, vacuum, etc alongside you
Baby carrier and a little of hubby helping would be great for you.
Yes, he works outside of the house, but you have school and the kiddo all day. He can help if it gets him that irritated.
SAHMs work long hours too, without pay.
You deserve help. Doesn’t matter.
This isn’t 1950. You live in a house, you take care of it.
Your gonna regret holding her all the time just to prevent crying. Later on she will know how to play you. Put her down and surround her with toys. Tell her she is fine. You are right there and that u have to do a few things. Eventually she will realize that it’s ok .
You can try the carrier like suggested to get as much done as you can and also when she’s sleeping get done as much as possible.
I have a 9 mo who does the same thing & I’m also in college. I try to clean when it’s play time. When it comes to schoolwork, I always catch up on it by doing it while he’s sleeping.
Leave her to cry if thats what she insists on doing. She a babe but still old enough to know when she cried she gets her way. Put on some nursery rhymes om youtube on tv or phone and use that to distract her while doing your chores
I put my baby in her high chair and give her toys or snacks to keep her occupied to get stuff done.
Either baby wear or let her cry if she won’t occupy herself. The more you pick her up and hold her though, the more she’s going to expect it. It’s really not going to hurt her if she cries a little
If shes taken care of just let her cry i know its hard to drown out but if you dont correct it now its gonna get worse as housework i understand keeping up on stuff but youre not a maid you can chose what you do or dont wanna do dont feel obligated
Leave her cry if there’s is nothing wrong other than she wants held. She’s no longer an infant
Start by stop allowing your children to make you feel guilty for anything because trust and believe they learn early and use it as manipulation later. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having your baby in a playpen near by while getting work done. That’s how I did it don’t like it? Tuff you’re safe you have your toys and I’m right here welcome to life kids we don’t always get what we want and mommy has shit to get done
Let her cry, it’s different when they’re newborn, but she’s one it’s time for her to learn to keep herself occupied. Leave house work for when your daughter is sleeping, it’ll be impossible to keep the house clean when she’s awake. Find a toy or movie that gets her attention so you can work on your classes or do school work during her naps
Let her cry. It want hurt her!! She will be ok. Get a play pen and put her in there if your worried. Or do the house work when she’s sleeping. I know how you feel. I have 3 kids and run a full time dairy farm. Some days are hard.
Have her in the room with you with a few of her toys and talk to her while you clean. At that age kids understand that if they cry you will pick them up. It may take a few times, but let her cry and keep telling her she’s ok. She’ll start to realize the crying doesn’t work anymore and learn to keep herself occupied while you clean.
Stop feeling guilty and quit picking her up she won’t learn different if you don’t teach her
While ur in college is their a sister to watch her ?, if so why not leave her an extra hour to clean the house and bring her home after ur finished. If that’s not he case maybe wait til nap time to clean. Baby wear her on ur back and it’s much easier to carry and work so the crying isn’t a bother. If she is just clingy maybe have dad watch her and u clean the house when he gets home. He is her father too. Regardless of how much work he does or doesn’t do. My husband works 12 hours a day maybe more and he knows he has to help I have 7 kids not one!!!
He can’t relax … Can you?
Wear her, there are many options to choose from, back carriers, front carriers. They look comfortable.
Oh, babydoll. It’s time to grow a set. For your own sanity. Your husband can clean up when he gets home if it’s that important to him. You have a lot on your plate, and you work long hours too. And the baby can cry sometimes. Give her 10 mins to cry and 10 mins to hold. You can do one task in 10 mins, right? Or you wear her, but she sounds older than I would want to baby wear, based on size anyway. That would hurt my back. And frankly with all that guilt you’re already carrying, sounds like yours will hurt worse than mine. Maybe you could distract her with a little baby video for 20 mins just to get something done. Get a cleaning chart and do one or 2 small chores a day, just change sheets one day, just clean a bathroom one day, vacuum one day, etc. And then everyday you do the important stuff like laundry and dishes, so nothing gets out of control.
But you really need to stand up and say enough. Your husband works long hours for money. Perhaps if he wants a clean house he can use his money to hire you a maid. SAHM stands for stay at home MOM, not stay at home MAID. Put down the guilt and the baby and the 2 most important people in your life will just have to figure out how to still love you. You got this mama.
Ask around to hire a mother’s helper. Maybe a 12-13 ish year old to occupy baby and hour or two 2 times a week. Focus one session on your studies, one session on housework!
You’re just going to have to let her be. Say no and stick with it. Redirect her to do other things. Have her watch the Daniel tiger episode where he sings “when grownups are too busy to play with you, look around to find something to do”. Sounds lame but my 2 yr old loves Daniel and if I sing a song he will remember it and the lesson
Honestly, one of my biggest helpers was getting a baby sling. It helps when my daughter is fussing & I’m trying to clean.
I would probably have started this at 6 months at the latest as that seems to be when they pick up the habit but now you gotta break that if you want to get anything done especially those long term paper type things
You’re gonna have to let her be. She will always cry. Put her in her high chair or play pen and do your work. She’s taken care of. She isn’t in pain or danger so she’s wanting your undivided attention at this point. Make sure her needs are met and do what must be done
You could use a play pen full of toys and a cup of juice , cartoons that’s how I do it until I’m done especially with the floors. Mine is wantings to be independent getting into stuff and wondering around. I also do this taking a shower for peace of mind
It’s a tough spot. My daughter was NOT a a self soother. If I let her she would literally cry for hours. It’s a rather tiring position to be in. There’s no good answer for this. But first and foremost you need to have a real heart to heart with your husband away from your child. He needs to listen to you and try to be more understanding. If you don’t find a a way to get on the same page you will have bigger issues in the future. Trust me our marriage ended in divorce. And nobody wants that. Some babies are way more needy than others. My second child was much better. Do you know of any other moms that you can trade babysitting favors with? Just a thought. Hang in there!
You have to try. They usually don’t cry that long if you make it comfortable
Time to break the habit of holding all the time.
Let her cry…if all her needs are met she is okay…it will help her learn some independence…but u can always try clean when she is napping…if thats possible
There are different parenting styles. I have a friend that wore her children until they literally wouldn’t fit anymore. I was the opposite, I let my child cry it out. At one they should definitely be on the road to self soothing and should be able to do things to entertain themselves. I think your biggest enemy right now is yourself with allowing yourself to feel guilty. You’re gonna have to practice, but you’ll get the hang of it!!
Get one of those child carrying back packs after a while she will want her freedom when she feels safe enough. Remember it’s not spoiling her but bonding.
Holding her constantly, creates insecure attachment. She needs to know it’s ok to just be near you and learn to play on her own sometimes
Really? You don’t know what to do? How old are you?
I remember how my sister in law pampered the first two incessantly (not that I didn’t cater to mine, but this was over the top, like her anxiety drove them too) By her third child she was out of strength, she would let her lie alone, nearby while she worked. That one turned out to be the sweetest most loving of them all! Let her cry it out a little, she’ll be fine and you’ll keep your sanity!
Put on mother Goose on YouTube
And put her in an exersaucer
Well first of all I would just let her cry while you do what you need to do. You are not neglecting her and she will be fine to sit by herself for a little while. As long as she is safe and you can see her it won’t hurt her to cry a little. Also your husband needs to change his attitude. Things don’t need to be perfect for him when he gets home. And if things aren’t completely finished he could help you out a little. It’s his family and house also.
Try a sling wrap. Carry your baby while you do housework.
Sucks but sometimes they have to realize mommy has other things to do, I also have a one year old, if I turn on cartoons, give him snacks and toys he eventually will go on his own once he realizes I’m busy. I also always tell him very nicely I’m sorry baby mommy has some things to do . In the kitchen, a spatula or measuring cup is super interesting to him and he will play forever. Putting her on a sling on you is probably just going to make it worse in the long run, just my opinion. Best of luck
When I worked 10-12hr shifts. I would backpack carry my now 4yo as an infant all the way up until last year! I cleaned house, cooked dinner etc…
He is my shy one, but he’s a smart, cuddly little guy!
My mama told me 2yrs ago when I had my first born and started school and I was having like an emotional breakdown bc my son was colic and never sat alone… she said: put that baby on your hip and do what you can. And honestly I’ve walked different ever since that day. Your kids are only young once so clean what you can, make them help like it’s a game. Clean the main areas he’ll be in and save the rest for when he gets home or whatever. But it can be done.
Well first of all it’s your husband’s house too so he needs to help out. My husband works outside in 100 degree heat and comes home to do dishes and help with the kids every night. But I usually do my cleaning while the baby naps or if she watches movies or shows that’s a good time. My first was extremely anxious when he was that age and we had to just let him scream for 10 min in his crib til we were done
Don’t keep picking up your kid all the time! At some point, they will understand they can’t be held constantly! Stay consistent on that. She may cry in the beginning a little but until you undo what you’ve broken the cycle, it’s not going to get better. Also, make a list of chores you want to accomplish and if you don’t get them all done, don’t sweat it. I’ve homeschooled, college and kids, it’s not always possible to do it all! And lastly, if your hubby bitches, tell him to get off his ass and help. He goes off to a job, when he’s off work, he’s done. A stay at home parents job is 24/7. Just because he works doesn’t mean you don’t!! My hubby is gone 5 days a week, sometimes more, does he expect the house to be spotless when he comes back? Nope. Does he come home and pitch in? Absolutely and doesn’t complain about it. It was no different when he was the stay at home parent! I think your hubby needs to stop being so critical and help you more, regardless of how long of hours he works. That’s no excuse! You aren’t his mother!!
You could try using a wrap or harness and wearing her around while you work on the house? One year old was about the stage where I could give my daughter small tasks to “help” me and it would help her stay calm because we were doing whatever it was “together” lol. If you’re cleaning, give her a squirt bottle with water in it (or nothing at all) and a rag…you may be surprised
Get her little housekeeping toys. Broom, vacumn, dust pan, dust cloth and give her little place to work, esp. as gets a little older. Let her “help” you.
Maybe tell him to relax he can soak in a nice sink load of dishes! If he complains that he had to work all day, remind him that he at least get to take a break at his job whereas yours is 24 hours a day. Seriously, do what you can when you can. If he doesn’t understand how hectic it is, maybe have a girls night with some friends and he can see what it takes to cook, clean, and take care of baby.
She will be fine. If she isn’t hungry, thirsty, hurt, or sleepy, let her cry it out. Put a few toys in a pack and play, or maybe a tv show she enjoys watching and let her be. Can always baby wear as well, though I never did that. My son use to do the same thing and when he realized I wasn’t picking him up just because, he stopped and he was just fine.
You just need to let her cry it out. She’s right there next to you so she’ll be fine. That’s what I had to do with my daughter. And now she’s fine. Almost 2 and only whines when she hurts herself or wants some love. There’s random days that she’s really needy but it’s not everyday or even that often. The house is normally cleaned everyday for my husband when he comes home from work. There’s some days I don’t do as much but the living room is always cleaned for him to relax. He works too much to not be able to come home to a clean place to unwind
She’ll be fine without you holding her 24/7.
She needs to learn that you can’t hold her all the time and that it’s ok just to sit and play next to mummy. I know it hurts hearing her cry but if you pick her up constantly you’ll never get anything done and you and your partner could come to resent each other
He shouldn’t expect that much of you first of all. Your child comes first and your schoolwork second then chores which he should be helping with as well. Remember there is always time for everything else. Child comes first. If dishes, laundry and other chores become too far behind put child in carrier. Also maybe include her in what you’re doing. Toy vacuum if you’re vacuuming etc.
I totally agree with Kd Forrestal that’s exactly what I was going to say. It doesn’t make you a bad mother to let your child cry it out. I’m the long run you will thank yourself for letting her cry. My daughter has a nephew that was the same way and if you don’t break the the cycle right now you’ll regret it later. Any dr will tell you that it doesn’t harm a child to cry. Actually it’s great for their lungs and it makes them stronger. Believe me honey there’s no other option in this matter it’s break em now from always wanting to be held or regret it later when you have to cater to their every whim
If you have a high chair put the child in it and give it toys or Cheerios or put a small tv for the child to watch . It only takes a few minutes to wipe cabinets and wash dishes , sweep the floors or mop . The high chair can be moved room to room . Also a walker can be used .
Let her cry. Heck mine is four months and sometimes you are just going to have to sit in the swing and be mad. Clean diaper. Fed. Veggietales on. Deal lol.
My son would only cry if I was doing housework. He hated it. I had to leave him in his pack and play and let him cry because I had to do dishes and vacuum everyday.
You have a serious talk with your husband, relationships are equal, you bust your ass at home while he is out working… That’s what drove one of my relationships apart, yeah he may be out working all day and wants to come home and relax… Um im sure you just wanna relax too. I put my kids in front of toys or in high chair with food or toys.
She is the magician and you are the show. Isolate and ignore, don’t even have eye contact. Once she has no audience to play to. Shows over. It’s that simple. Isolate. Do not look at. Ignore.
House keeping toys so she can help and a baby backpack for when she can’t. Plus if she’s in the backpack you’re getting your cardio. When my daughter was about that age she liked to fix my hair while I read, post makeover photo shoots are a must
Let her cry while you do housework? I had to do the same with my LO and still have to sometimes. They arent going to be traumatized.
You can always baby wear, but letting them cry for a few minutes until you can distract them with a toy is going to help you in the long run.
My husband and little were the same way! It’s so hard to feel like ur able to please them both let alone worry about urself. Curious George was a life saver. I do chores during his nap and finally used a crock pot. Throw everything in it in the morning and ur done. (Pintrest dump meals) for some ideas. And set a after hubby shower for him to watch baby if they aren’t already asleep and break off to some where secluded for hw time. You’ve got this momma. time for them to be our “baby” is a short season.
I’m still trying to learn the same balance! I’m not in school but we both work and my son is almost 4, so my days look a little different! I feel your frustration on your husbands point of view, but I think its okay if that’s one of his “needs.” Just let yourself know he probably wants things to be tidy, not necessarily spotless and deep cleaned. So maybe pick 30 mins before he comes home to do a quick pick up of the house, load the dish washer & washing machine! Sometimes telling myself “I’m only going to accomplish as much as possible in “this” amount of time” helps so much! As for baby, they will not die from crying. I know that sounds harsh but along with having my own I also have worked in a nursery in a preschool where I had to manage 10 babies at once, thus couldn’t hold them all at once. Just find a safe space to leave baby while you try to work. And as far as keeping up with things, I’ve started writing down what I accomplish every day, including house work. My goal is to recognize what I do daily/weekly/monthly and make a routine out of it, so I can look I my to do list & get it done without overthinking where to start!
I’m sending lots of love your way, you can do this momma!
I see lots of comments that say let her cry. Good advice if you can handle it, if you can’t, try getting a carrier that you can put her on your back while you work. She will probably enjoy being part of the action and she should be old enough/strong enough to handle it.
Whenever my kids were small I had a limit on how much time I’d dedicate to cleaning per day. 1/2 hour MAX! Always make your bed right away, shower right away, throw in a load of laundry. Either than that 1/2 hour no more. I was a single mom, I was also in school, there was no time for anything else. If the baby cries, well it doesn’t mean your a bad mom if he/ she cries for 15 min while you wash the dishes or prep a meal, doesn’t mean they are neglected. If your man is irritated because there are dishes in the sink just ignore him, you have to much to worry about already.
Have you thought about using a carrier? Baby gets held and you get work done!!
Take a deep breathe and put yourself in a time out!! You sound like you really need one lol. The baby will be okay if she cries for a little bit never killed a kid yet. Maybe your husband could help you do some of these things. like help you clean the house to his standards after he has had some down time after work. You work hard all day to and all night for that matter you just don’t collect a pay check because you could never put an hourly wage on what a mother and house wife ever do. It would in truth really break the bank. I mean think about it who could afford to pay someone even on the low scale of ten dollars an hour to work 24/7 365 days a week? I hope things get better for you soon but stick with it you will find something that works for you even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.
Get her involved as much as possible. They love that. If only I would have cherished the days I only had one kid chasing me around the house while I was cleaning good luck mom:heart:
Baby wear and distractions give her her own homework I used to give my daughter crayons and tell her to do her homework while I did mine I also let her drawl on the page I was wasn’t using so I’d write on the front of a pages she could drawl on the back of the other paper early on she would help me clean it was sloppy but still something now I try to treat it like a scavenger hunt can you find all the dirt clothes and put them in this basket type stuff
I’ve noticed that if I don’t let things pile up, it’s a much easier feat to attempt. But if I neglect it, then it becomes this mountain of crazy that I get anxious even thinking about taking on.
It doesn’t hurt them to cry putt her where she can see you and can’t get hurt and let her cry if you don’t break her now you will have a really hard time later as for hubby if he can watch and play with her before bed time that would help alot and if he thinks all you do is sit around all day well on his day off leave her with him and go out for a walk or something and let him see for himself and no carrier you dont need to be carrying her around trying to do house work that’s not good for either of you
I am a SAHM as well. I have two that are two years and under. Both are clingy still equally as much lol. My husband works all day, so he can’t really help. But what I do is when we wake up, 20 minutes later my kids are eating breakfast. While they do that, I do the dishes or whatever cleaning I need to do. They are close by so they can see me, watch their show and eat. After that we go outside and play or do crafts inside. Something to keep them busy. Then it’s lunch time. Around 1pm it is nap time for them both. While they sleep I either meal prep like cutting the veggies and meat or starting the crockpot. I also do homework in this time. My one year old still takes two naps but my two year old doesn’t. So for the big nap I make sure to squeeze as much as I can in this. They wake up we play. We have a snack around 3:30 so we can eat with my husband when he gets home around 5:30. Then I do bath time for the kids. We do an evening walk after that together to unwind and enjoy the fresh air. Then we come in and get ready for bed. Once the babies are asleep I usually shower. My husband will watch over them as he does homework so I can have some peace to myself… now I do this routine every day accept Sundays. This really helps keep things in order. The kids also know what to expect and it gives me an hour and a half to do homework daily. Now Sunday’s I do major meal preps. Like I make freezable breakfast sandwiches or eggs in a hash brown cup. Anything to make mornings easier on not only myself and kids but my husband. I also used the baby harnesses for when my son was smaller, he is to big now lol he is almost as big as his sister haha, but those harness are a life savor. I would clean, cook, do homework(standing) with him in it. Now I made sure he was facing me so he got the closeness he wanted and it was safer when I could clean or cook. I really hope this helps. If you want some more pointers or need someone to talk too, feel free to message me!
Stop giving in to a cry baby…You are the cause of the problem by teaching her to cry and get your way. Your child will not dye if left to cry on her own for a minute.
I got a baby carrier and just wore my 2nd bc she was like that. It freed up my hands so I could clean and you could do work. You can put them on any way !
Gets carrier and you’ll both be happier
Just let the baby cry some you have stuff you have to do
Trust me napwhen she naps. Even if you cant sleep. Rest. Don’t feel guilty. The hardest thing to do as a Mom is take care of yourself. But sweetie if you don’t take care of yourself where will your family be?
I put my baby in the carrier and clean while I wear her, usually she falls asleep within 20 minutes or so then I’m able to lay her down and finish what I need to do.
Let her cry if she’s just being fussy. Don’t give in. She’ll be okay.
There’s really no relaxing as a parent so before your husband sits down to “relax” he should pitch in. A mother starts her second job when she gets home so should he. Tag each other in and out that’s what a teammate is for.
He should have baby time while you fix up what you can. In my house I tell him if it bothers you…DO IT. Otherwise you can’t learn and cook and clean and parent. You just can’t do it alone. When there is an issue in the home…everyone has to change. You have tried to be the only one. Time for them to step up. 1 yr old by learning to cry it out sometimes or just not having momma. Dad by letting go of unreasonable expectations. And you by understanding your one person and they can do their port. Best of luck Mama.
Let her cry. She’ll be okay
I tried doing it during naptimes. But really I wanted that time for me. So I gave her a rag and how I wipe this or that. Let her play with the broom. You can get a carrier but that will be exhausting. If there is an option to have someone watch her everyday as a routine, it would be great. It’ll be sooo hard at first, she’ll cry the whole time. But she’ll also see that she had tons of fun and mommy always comes back. Even if it’s 2 hours a day. Or work up to that. Husbands can’t always help with housework. Is there any activity the baby can do that keeps her occupied for a few minutes at a time even, organize or pick up the house those few minutes. So hubby is happy when he comes home. Then when you have a real chance do the bigger stuff. Have him hold her for 15 minutes while you sweep or mop to finish it up.
Baby carrier is an option but that can be a pain… literally. Plus she will never learn to do things on her own. This may slow you down a bit, but have her help you. If you’re dusting, give her a clean cloth to help. Laundry, let her pour the soap in, or help fold, by giving her her own pile to play with. Talk to her constantly, tell her what you’re doing, sing to her, make funny voices. If she still cries, let her. She will get over it. But in my experience, if she thinks shes doing what you’re doing, then hopefully itll help. You’re not neglecting her. You’re not a bad mom. It’s not easy but you will figure it out. Best of luck
Im a stay at home mom, i had help with my son till he was 6 months old. But i also had help because of health issues after sons birth and my sister lived with me till he was 6 mths. I would put him either in his walker or high chair depending on what i was doing. I dont believe in the whole letting him cry bull crap. My son was perfectly happy sitting in whatever i put him in. And when he would pout for a bit, id just carry him with me while i did certain things. We’re all moms, we always find ways to juggle certain things. Just gotta find what works best for you and your LO!!
Shes 1. If she is fed, changed, and you know nothing is wrong…let her cry. She needs to learn she cant be picked up all of the time.
Any naps? I cleaned while my son was napping. Started dinner and whatnot. Our place wasn’t ever a mess. How is a 1 year old making a mess? Just curious. Maybe get those kids toys for vacuuming, small brooms, feather dusters and she can work beside you? Maybe cartoons on TV or music and dance around while the two of you clean? I never had to hold my son all day. I went back to work when he was 3 months old. Can’t imagine trying to take college classes too. I was able to educate myself through my job and it was paid for. Helped me allot. It was during work hours.
Just let her help you in some form or fashion. And praise her after you all get done. Give her a simple reward. Talk to her.
I used to have to put my baby in a carrier to do house work. Within reason of course, not anything like cooking or spraying cleaners. Washing the floors, picking up stuff laundry …all that stuff can be done with baby in a carrier. I did a lot of other stuff I couldn’t do once dad was home and could watch the baby. I would suggest that you get hubby to take care of baby when you need to work on school stuff.