I’m feeling lost and alone and i need some advice my boyfriend of 6 years has been treating me really shitty lately constantly putting me down currently I’m a stay at home mom with our 3 year old I recently quit my job cuz he got a better offer with better pay and due to me not having anyone to help watch my child its impossible for us both to be working I have no support or no family… Lately he’s been coming home calling me lazy and worthless saying I don’t do nothing all day when I’ve literally just finish cleaning the whole house plus laundry and all household chores no matter what I do in his eyes I don’t do nothing . when anything goes wrong or he miss places something I get blamed and he blows up on me . I feel defeated and stuck I have no place to go or not enough money saved to rent a place alone. So I guess what I’m trying to get out of this post is some advice and resources you guys may know of for this kind of situations to get out and away from to thrive and set a better example for my baby I’m fed up with the verbal abuse and gaslighting .
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to leave a relationship?
1- Tell him straight out you work too. Let him be alone with your child and see if he can do the same thing.
2- Call women’s shelter they can place you with resources, I had a friend recently do this. They moved her out of state. If it gets worse call police on him you don’t deserve the mental abuse.
Look into daycare assistance and low income housing in your area. You can try to call shelters for abused women. And depending on yoir area there might be a community action that may be able to help. You might look into getting a job while he is home. So you can save money to leave.
Maybe call 211 and see what resources are out thr for you and your baby . U definitely need to get out of that relationship I’m sorry your going through that
Contact a social worker, they can help you with local shelters and resources
Don’t do anything that way he comes home and resizes what you do
Get a job on a different schedule. Work from home. Start saving.
Call a shelter, you and your baby go to a shelter, then file for childcare assistance. Find another job and work to save up for a place.
Talk to him and let him know what is going on
Either he will realise his issues and applogise as he will know you could leave him or he may inform you he too has issues and may want out himself
Sweetheart. If you really wanna go, reach out to some women shelters. You have options.You gonna have to do some digging. Look online. Make some calls. Sell some things. Stash away that cash. You are stronger than you think. Get to work love
Contact your local DHHR, they can help with food, wic, housing, and have him pay child support. There’s also resources for day care, so you can find a job.
What city are you in?
Women’s shelter. Call 211 like these ladies say. It’ll be worth it. Stay strong and head up
Where are you located
Men do this to control you.I left with nothing after 20yrs.Now he sees what I done all day because the house looked spotless and yard like a golf course.Now it is a wreak.You can’t go back after their eyes open.Keep your chin up,you will get through this one day at a time.
Most have a Winans shelter. Can you police depr non emergency number and a officer will come take you and your baby to woman’s shelter and they will help you get on housing and things you need. Praying and proud your moving on and know your worth!!!.. if you need someone to tally to you can message me DM anytime!
It’s definately not easy physically or emotionally leaving with a newborn but there are programs that will help you get on your feet in a domestic violence situation. And coming from experience its so worth the hard work if you are truly unhappy. And in the end you find a strength you didn’t know you had, you’ll find yourself, and you’ll be able to do things how you want for you and your child instead of walking on eggshells. Not to mention kids pick up on tension. I did as a kid and I watched my son pick up on it with me and his dad and he was only a little baby. Follow your mother’s instinct.
Have you tried to sit him down and talk with him at all about this? If you have, and nothing was resolved then leave asap before it gets worse. Find a job at a daycare maybe? That way your child goes for half price or even free and your there working at the same time making money. Look for an apartment. Apply for jobs that you work at home.
They will give you as many resources as they have to offer.
The state will cover daycare for your 3 yr old so long as you don’t make too much. Their charts for that are on their website.
You can do this! I did it after nearly 12 years and two kids. It was scary but I’m glad I did it!
A local domestic violence shelter will take u and ur daughter to a undisclosed location and they help u get on ur feet with social services in your area and help u with a job a place to live etc. I was in a domestic violence relationship so I understand. Dm me if you need more tips.
Don’t just jump the gun on this. After dinner and while he’s calm, ask him what’s been bothering him lately. Sometimes, playing into the crazy is how you beat them at their own game. Tell him you’ve noticed how tense he seems when he comes home and ask how you can make it better. I know you’re doing everything you can right now, but by approaching the topic and talking to him, you’re letting him know you’re on to him. He’ll know you’re noticing and will either tell you that you don’t do anything, you’ll ask how it can be better, and what that looks like to him… he’ll feel macho, and you’ll have time to strategize the exit. If you can work opposite shifts, reach out to family out of state, old friends, or even coworkers to plan the move back to where you moved from. Whatever you do, don’t blame him or make it sound like you are unhappy. That never goes well with a narcissist. You’re just trying to help the situation while you secretly ninja your way out.
Low income housing some include lights water apply for other assistance through the state you on.he seems to be going through something to change…get a social worker to talk to through the state they will get you in right direction…Look online for good shelters for now
The women’s shelter have daycare. Live there for a few months until you find a job and have enough money to get an apartment. The shelter will also assist you with getting food stamps and other aid. Or you could also get a job and put your child in a church daycare (more affordable). Once you save enough money you can leave.
When he’s not home call 211 and get help to get to a women’s shelter. They have information on resources for legal aid, job opportunities, child care, transportation, and other things too. I know it’s scary, but you won’t be alone.
Why is it so hard for to make a decision about the child? Why is your family not supportive? What about his family? Have you asked him what’s bothering him? It’s probably the idea of you not working and it’s a strain on him. Idk it seems like you need a serious conversation with each other. It’s more to this maybe
There are shelters. If you don’t know someone that would let you stay with them, that might be your only option. You have to prepare to leave before he becomes physically abusive, which is usually the natural progression of these types of situations.
I am very sorry you’re in this predicament. You’ve learned the hard way that you can’t depend on a man.
For others reading this, PLEASE never depend on a man (or anyone) 100%. If they decide to leave you or become abusive, you’re stuck, which is what some of them want. They know they can treat you any which way if you’re stuck with them. Make your own money and take care of yourself.
Sounds like the story of my life!
I believe he may be overwhelmed too. Being the only one working. I’d try to find an at home job. I use to freak the fuck out when I’d come home from work when he was the one staying home for whatever reason. Adulting is hard. And yeah we know we have children to provide for. But still isn’t fun going to work haha
Sit down and ask him what his expectations are. You express your expectations. The burden of all the finances has fallen on his shoulders and that is a big burden. ( not excusing the verbal abuse at all) I stayed at home with my children. It’s more work than a full time job. It never ends. It maybe helpful to him if you have a part time work from home job. I cleaned houses, sold children’s clothing, etc. I set my hours so he could watch the kids while I was working. It gave me a break and to be able to talk to adults and it gave him time to see his kids without me there. It’s tough. If he is a good man and father, he is worth the tough conversations.
Leave his ass, life’s too short to stay somewhere you’re not happy and treated like
Get a job, pay childcare, and move on. You deserve better.
You’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. Please start working with local resources to help you leave. Your child will thank you for it later. Praying for you
Get daycare and a job and save your money.
I’m about to get in my car and come pick you up right now girl. I was exactly where you are at 13 years ago. All I can tell you is stay strong and I wish I knew where you lived cuz I would come and get you
If it were me I would let him calm down and have a serious discussion and try to get to the root and fix the family. However, if that didn’t end well then you have options. Apply for low income housing. The waiting lists are sometimes long so you may have to wait a few months.
Side note: do NOTHING for a few days and let it pile up and he can see what it is you don’t do all day. I would go as far as bagging the daily diaper load separately from trash and any messes that must be cleaned right up i would take pics of and be like this. Just this is all I do and save a buttload of money by not paying for childcare.
Time to make your own life
I would give him a reason to think I was actually lazy I would STOP everything, stop doing dishes, laundry, making dinner. I would sit my happy ass on the couch all day everyday and when he says something I would say “oh but I’m doing what you said I am”. Hoping that he would see that I actually do a lot. But I also don’t let guys talk to me however they want I would flip the hell on him if my boyfriend called me lazy and worthless I don’t put up with stuff like that.
He resents you for not having to go into a W2 job like him. Get a job. Make him pay for a good chunk of the daycare and put a lot of the caring for a child responsibility onto him. I’m assuming its his kid… 50/50 all that. Literally even bath times and pick ups. House chores too!
I’m so sorry…… stay strong and don’t give up. You’re not defeated !! I was in this situation for 12 years until I finally ran away. I lined up a good job then maxed out my 2 credit cards of 500 each. I found a small ugly lil place but it was heaven. It was peace! Today I’m so glad I did it. Lived off yard sales and dumpsters (Ross, Office Max) good stuff my point is that you can do it. Just remember that he will get visitation and you will have no say when you’re baby goes with him. If you here in Bakers, I’ll help you with your baby. I’m in the SW
People, neighbors did help me here and there with my girls. There are some good people in the world still. Underline some___
Ask him what’s going on. If this is new behavior maybe he’s stressed about finances, worried he’s going to lose his job, being bullied or otherwise abused at work, maybe something embarrassing happened to him and he’s mortified or being ridiculed. Could be he’s losing a friendship, or worried about a health issue.
Encourage him to take advantage of mental health services, and to go to the doctor for anything physical. Even if he gets bad news, better to catch stuff early. Maybe he’d go with you to couples counseling—even if you have to say it’s to help you learn to be a better wife and mom to get him to go. That could ease him into individual therapy too.
Second thought, he’s cheating or wanting to cheat & trying to alienate you to make you leave and thus be the “bad guy.” Ask him point blank if he’s having an affair—physical or emotional—and see his reaction. Of course he probably won’t admit it (but you never know!) but see if he looks panicked, protests too much, won’t look you in the eye, or says no calmly & looks at you like you’re crazy, or comes over to give you a reassuring hug & kiss.
Unfortunately men are taught to bottle up their emotions and show “no weakness” but all those feelings have to go somewhere. Anger is an “acceptable” male emotion, and almost always is a cover for fears of inadequacy. He has to feel safe from ridicule to open up about what is really bugging him. Men project outward and you become the target in front of him without any of this really having anything to do with you,; it’s all about how he feels about himself.
Of course if you feel in any danger, call a DV hotline, women’s center or shelter, or even the police to get a referral. If you have medical benefits, see if you can get individual therapy/counseling so you learn how to deal with him & escape safely if that’s what you need to do.
Good luck! People are so complicated.
Why not get a job in evening so he has to take care of the child and house then your away from each other and making money
Go to a shelter, find a job and some to babysit your kid , the shelter can help you finding a place , and file for child support
l get paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes $ 17412s a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Easy get a job put child in day care save up money and get out
Nope. Time to kick him out. He can pay child support… and your rent. You deserve better. Contact a lawyer.
Do what I finally did …… I have 6 kids 3 older then 3 younger …. I quit doing everything. When he came home talking crap I said I did absolutely nothing!!! Appreciation goes a long way, but clearly this relationship isn’t going to work this way. Good luck momma you’re not alone, but it’s better to be alone than to allow someone else to make you feel lonely
Pos control freak that’s what abusers do go to your nearest health and human services agency and explain that u plan on leaving him and why and sign up for benefits so they can pay for childcare while u work and when u are doing right n making it for u n ur kiddo flip him off after your divorce is finalized
I wouldn’t tell him straight up I will not be treated like this. Period. He could change his behavior or he could leave.
Most states have day care assistance through Social Services/ Human Services. Ask them about rental assistance too. They will have a list of agencies. It will probably not be an immediate save because there is usually a waiting list for housing, but just make baby steps. Save money while you are waiting. Leave when you have all your affairs in order.
Time to move on move out move forward ok
l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 14573 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 14810 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Get a job and make him pay for daycare so you can save your money and GTFO
Dont clean the house so he can see how dirty it gets when he comes home say I didnt do a damn thing today accept sit on my ass.
It will turn in to physical abuse if you stick around. Sounds like he is a Narcissist.
You could babysit for cash since you are home anyway or get a weekend job
I’m assuming you’re both young. of this isn’t how he’s always been, he could be overwhelmed and not have the skills to communicate properly clearly because it’s not ok to put you down. you have a few options though. Therapy for the both of you, or leave. staying in that environment isn’t an option though if the two of you aren’t actively working on different ways to communicate.
Know how u feel…hes probably just stressed out you both have lot deal with
Get your independence back and get a job , childcare is about , if he has never called you names before I’d say it sounds like he’s facing pressure from work load more than likely …if not then he is just abusive person and you should get out whilst you can
l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 17152 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
To all these women defending him, I’m literally appalled. Because you’re stressed is no reason to treat your SO like garbage, sorry. Y’all set the bar low AF for these dudes and that’s why they get away with it.
Women and childrens center. Take videos of you cleaning and send them to him on the way out the door. In a few days he will quickly realize what you do around the house. Find a job, could be a work from home job, apply for section 8 if you have to it’s made for people in those situations.
Get away from that asshole ASAP! He probably has a girlfriend.
Google!! Every resource in your community!! There are many ways of getting a job, child care ,housing, etc. This man gives you no respect, he’s verbally abusive, and it doesn’t matter why he’s doing it because there’s no excuse for treating you like dirt! He will Not change! Nothing worse than a bully! Believe this, he knows your situation and he’s counting on you never having the courage to leave him,it will get worse! Show him he’s wrong, don’t keep telling yourself you can’t!
Boot him out then chuck his clothes out after him and tell him NOT TO come back
Tell him your going back to work and to help pay for daycare
You definitely need to leave. If nothing else look into a women’s shelter to start with. They can help you get on your feet and away from this toxic relationship. Good luck to you. Praying for you and your little one.
Do u not have family to help u?
Get out for you and your child! Your child doesn’t need to grow up thinking this behavior is okay from fathers.
Find a babysitter, get a job and become independent.
Look into low income housing & govt daycare assistance.
Get in touch with social services. See if there’s a women’s shelter in your area.
l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 13510 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
it will only get worse
call your local womens shelter or the national abuse hot line the have the ability to assist you with agencys or resources to get you out of there it will only get worse i know from expierence
Lol hey everyone, she knows she needs a baby sitter, job, and income. How does she do those things with no income to begin with is the problem. Everyone knows the obvious. She’s asking for ways to help her situation. Honestly if there is a childcare center or daycare near your moms, try to get a job there, you can watch your child and earn money and if you can try to stay with your mom or another gf. If you can’t leave right now, then still try to find a job where you can keep the child with you and at least stick them in a pack n play maybe or still at the daycare. And try standing up for yourself and show what can happen when you actually do nothing, let his clothes go dirty, leave his plate in the sink. I only say this because it’s not physical (yet) and men who are babied yet say you do nothing, are dangerous. I would definitely try to stay with your mother and see if you can work at a church, daycare, or childcare center or some other trade where you can take baby with you.
Check in Domestic violence and abuse resources in your area. Many will help with transportation if housing is available in a different town. Pm me and I’d be happy to walk you through a safety plan to leave and help you find resources in your area. And yes I actually am trained as a victims advocate so my goal would be to be supportive and focus on your needs at the moment, safely. There’s no excuse to his bullying it’s domestic abuse and can be financial abuse as well if you have no access to money, do u have access to a vehicle? Friends? You love, sound like you are going through abuse💜 you’re are strong, worthy of kindness and love and equality in your relationship. He sounds like they all do and it does get worse and mostly leads to physical violence. I nor anyone can tell you what to do however I am a message away if you want any guidance or possible referrals that I can help with. I also know a few other advocates and know they would definitely look into any helpful information for you
Um hummmm this is hard but you have to stay strong a Nd ignore his words think of it like this. He probably feels like a lame cause he doesn’t do enough, listen I don’t know what type of man he is but go back to school trust me on this. Your school will help you find resources to find day cares while you go to school . Get an education
Go on strike for a few day he’ll quickly realize what it is you do all day
I am now making more than $500 every single day online. Yesterday i got my 3rd payment of $18532 by doing work online. i was surprised when one of my close friend told me she was making $18654 per month but now i see how it works.
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Call womans abuse they will help u dont need that in ur life
YWCA is in town! Also, taber women’s safe haven. They’ll get you out there, and house you for a month.
you can work and you can get the hell out.
l get paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes $ 17395 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Info Here >>> https://jobnowonline17.netlify.app/
Wait till hes not looking, pack everything into a suitcase and throw it in the back of your Prius, and ride off into the sunset.
It’s literally abuse what he is doing. Go to woman’s shelter and ask for help to leave if you don’t want to stay.
You maybe able to get some government assistance aswell if your in an area that does that. The woman’s shelter will help u out
You can apply for income based housing
I personally maklng $18643 every m0nth from an easy onLlne job. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes $ 17395 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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He made you quit your job so you couldn’t leavd him. It’s a manipulation technique to trap women. Please contact your local domestic abuse/womens shelter to help you get out xxx
Ring woman’s shelter, you don’t need to put up with that.
l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 14714 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Info Here >>> https://jobnowonline38.netlify.app/
Find a work from home job or do an independent contracting gig. Apply for assistance with food, insurance, money, etc. Wic will help you also until the child is 5. There are preschools that you can get into for free if you are low income which would allow you a more open work schedule as well. If you are determined you will find a way. Push through!
He sounds like a pile of
Just find a shelter to go to for now because you don’t deserve this you deserve better
Get up get out and better yourself. Why assist him in advancing in life while oppressing you? Especially if you’re not married? He had no obligation to you and nor you to him… this generation is wreck less when it comes to morals, values & logic. Then everyones left to question everything cause sht ain’t done right no more. woman were not born to be abused cooks & babysitters. We create life and a living and have so much to offer. Stop asking questions & only give answers. Take your power back.
Have you told him how you feel? He may not realize all that you do, tell him it hurts your feelings
You and your baby deserve so much more than your getting. Don’t allow him the power to make you feel defeated. You are the one that sets your own fate, call around and see what help you can get, it’s not healthy living in a situation like that, especially for your child as well. You know what you do around the house, he doesn’t need to validate that for you, motherhood is hard all by itself even with friends and family around. See what options you have as in housing etc like the other ladies suggested, you can get grants to help you further your education etc.
He is pissed because he has had to step into the role of sole provider. He wasn’t ready for it. CarMax is hiring for WFH get a wfh job stack up and leave his ass. He will never be fit to lead.
Get out ! God has a better plan for you.