Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, and we have two beautiful daughters together for a couple of years now. I have been trying to get out of our relationship. We don’t have any date night, and we don’t have any conversation anymore. He will just snap at me when I try to talk to him. I don’t know what to do. We have the same fight over and over again. He thinks we are good, but we aren’t good, and I have tried to work it out, but it doesn’t work, I don’t know. So what should I do
IMO, if you have in fact communicated with him that you’re unhappy in your relationship and he is not acknowledging that when you tell him, without being defensive… It’s time for you to get out of there. You have to work at a relationship and if only one party in the relationship is interested in helping to heal whatever is broken, it won’t work. I wish you the best. That can be a tough call but you deserve to be happy and not just with someone who is “ok” with how things are. You deserve the spark, happiness and love that there was in the beginning.
if you are working, put $ aside for finding new place, or ask Mom and Dad if possible to be there for short time, and leave, if you know people who can help move you, get what you think is fair to take and u haul outta there. You deserve to be happy. You also deserve a marriage in the future, but not to him.
If you not happy why are you there ? Quit trying to make him happy if you are not i say leave
Have you tried couples therapy? 1 main part of communication is understanding one another, maybe that’s the missing piece. We can talk til we r blue in the face but if we lack understanding it’s like talking to a wall.
Sit him down and tell him it’s over, deserves that much. He’s the father of your children. Just be honest.
If you want to leave, leave. It’s easy. You go to a lawyer, draw up a parenting plan, and start the divorce process. You move out and start life solo. I did it. It wasn’t hard at all. I left with 2 kids after almost 10 years of marriage.
Get your finances in order first(if you’re not in danger) rent an apartment and move when he’s not home
Moving on after that much time together can be so scary and may even seem impossible. First you should make a plan and try to find a support system prior to leaving (friends, family, etc). If you fear he will be aggressive when you leave, account for that in your plan (leave while he is at work, have someone there to witness the move out process). There may be resources in your area to help.
You are strong and if you’re asking this question, you’re ready to leave.
Ultimatum. Tell him that you aren’t happy with the lack of communication and the way he doesn’t seem to care and you’re tired of having the same fight over and over. He either needs to show effort and willingness in fixing the problems with you or you’re going to leave because you deserve to be heard and deserve to be happy ant not just snapped at all the time.
Pray. Get in a good church. Get pastor to counsel he and you.and if it works out get married and show your children what real commitment looks like. If your bf is not wanting to id say move on amicably.
There’s a lot more to a good marriage than dates. Conversation is a two way street. I won’t tell you to sit him down next time he snaps and blindly stay-- but have you asked him why he snaps? Maybe he’s sensing the end too. Just talk to your man before giving up. It might just be you’re both so tied up in quarantine routine that you forgot what you both need. If you get nowhere with that maybe it is just time to let go. Don’t waste your best years on a relationship that keeps you miserable when you’ve tried everything.
Go see an attorney. They will tell you steps you need to take to get your ducks in a row.
How do you just leave? I’m sitting in the exact same position. I am so unhappy. I am so hurt that nothing even hurts anymore of that even make sense.
Maybe talk and tell him how u feel and u feel y’all are not doing so well. When he snaps at u it pushes u away from him tell him.he may feel the same . U won’t know until u talk to him. Maybe y’all need to seperate for a little while. Then come back and talk and see what u both want. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. A separation is not permanent but it may be what y’all need so u can see what u really want.
Just left an 11 year relationship/8 year marriage. Do you have support? A safe place to go for you and your kids. Is it your home or his or both? I ended up paying my ex over 4000 to get out of our house that we had together. It was brutal at first because I honestly loved this man at one point but had fallen out of love by the end. There will never be an easy time to walk away, I left a few week before his birthday, he threatened to off himself if I didn’t come back, which was obviously an empty threat, but still scared me, but I still didn’t go back. You have to make a plan and stick to it.
Just leave. You can’t change him. You can’t make him engage with you. Just go, you deserve better.
I was once in this position with my ex of 7yrs, We argued one night and I left. 3am got my kids and went to my parents and stayed for a few days, we then got placed into a refuge for women, then we got our home. Now we’re all happy and I’m in a happy relationship with someone else (few years on)
It’s not easy to ‘just leave’ like I did. But I needed todo what was safe for us all, I’m glad I did xx
Edit: he was abusive so that’s why I left how I did
leave, If he really loves you & wants you, he will come find you, if he doesn’t…let it go
Just grab your children and leave.
Be glad you aren’t married to him. Go get a child support order and go on with your life. Do not waste any more years on this guy.
If her husband doesn’t want to talk about the situation then he most likely will refuse counseling. If your at the point where you need counseling your marriage is over anyway. No one knows what’s really going on in your situation except you. Leave him or except him are the only choices
Try counseling. Seems like you guys don’t know how to deal with the root of the issue and it just keeps getting worse. I totally understand. But therapy will do wonders. That way you will be able to better determine if the relationship is over or not.
Also instead of placing blame all on him, take a look at your actions and how they could affect his response…
I wouldn’t throw away 11 years when you can seek other options to help resolve it
In the end only you can decide what you truly want
Start planning get your personal bank accounts in different address, hidden packings, forwarding your mails to new place or your families/ friends. Go temporarily stay with your families/friends. Tell your families what happened and they can supports you and your kids. Have any men help you get your things out and protect you while your ex show up. Sign up for WIC, Medicaid, women’s shelter.
Will he go to couples counseling?
I mangered to get out of a 6 year relationship thanks to my partner I am with now was there and supportive all the way throughout lucky had no kids with him but have a disabled brother and he is thankful and glad I have left him.
It sounds like he actually needs therapy and possibly medication. Try to have him give that a shot.
That’s the beauty of long term relationships unfortunately. Im in an 10 year relationship myself we have 3 kids together and …finally recently got engaged lol…he’s the most unromantic human in the universe… doesn’t put much effort into the relationship but I’ve stood my ground and he’s improving…and so am i.
In long term relationships most men just expect everything’s great and they don’t have to do shit anymore bc you guys have been together along time…make him believe your serious bout moving on and give him an ultimatum since he won’t listen to you when your speaking to him…also there’s things that might be bothering him about you as well …so I suggest talk it out SERIOUSLY …dont just give up on 11 years though…goodluck!
If he won’t speak to you he definitely won’t speak to a counselor. Find acceptance with the demise of this relationship…Move forward and be HAPPY…
Counseling. These things happen sometimes . People get super comfortable. He may not realize he snaps. I do it a lot apparently and don’t realize it. If talking to him is hard. Write him a letter and tell him house you feel.
Find counceling, you owe it to your children
Leave you’ve tried everything sometimes you have to walk away
Y’all always want her to leave I’ve been married for 34 years and we’ve been through it all. You can’t just ditch and run when it’s not pleasant…
Talk to him go to counseling get a spark going
Get out 11 years without a marriage is just time wasting that’s not your soulmate
Save up enough money to get your own place, then ack your things, pack your kids things and move out. Tell him you are done and leave.
You have two kids and after 11 years he doesn’t want to get married ?Your not happy! I say you go find the love of your life you can fix any problems if he refuses to see them
Give him an ultimatum. Tell him he either makes an attempt (whether it’s counseling or simply more effort) or you will be forced to move on because you aren’t happy and he isn’t willing to see it. BEFORE you give him an ultimatum, make sure you have an “escape plan” in case he refuses. If he does refuse, make sure to tell him that this is on him, you have tried. Document everything in case you need to fight for custody.
Accept the way he treats you or leave.
If you just blurt it out, I bet he’ll listen.
You’ll know when its finally time to leave. If you’ve tried and you’re just done trying then it’s time. Especially if you’ve already expressed your feelings and things didnt change. Save money and get your things in order. Speak with lawyers to find out how to go about custody. If you think your children’s father will be amicable then you may not need a lawyer but it’s best to know ahead of time what price you’re looking at. Find out where your support system is at and be prepared to answer questions your daughters may ask.
Get out and go find urself a new happier life…never let anyone talk down to u…not a good example to show ur children. U deserve better x
If he will go to counseling then great for him to fix his issues.
However … Have you gone to counseling/therapy? It could be that you are growing at different rates and are at different stages. Therapy might help you help YOU. If you are the one unhappy then you need to work on you, if he doesn’t want to fix himself for himself and the relationship then I would say you are at the end.
My ex and I were not on the same page and I wanted more out of life while he was happy on the sidelines. It took me 3 years but I left with the kids. It took him years to get where I was then and I’m happy to say he progressed well and is now in a healthy relationship with a woman I really like (not that it matters if I like her … Our kids are grown) and we are all friends. It’s nice. I have changed yet again as we all do in life (grown kids, new relationship, new age …) Life is too short to be miserable
Sounds to me like there could be a dark cloud hanging over him. Being snappy, not showing interest, sounds like he could be suffering from depression If that ends up being the case, it’s guna take a lot of work and support to get him through. You need to be firm, but kind. You need to wait until the girls are in bed asleep, sit down and tell him outright that you are worried about him and the possible effects that are taking place on your relationship and that you want to get through this tough time, but it will require 100% communication from both of you towards each other. Relationships are not easy, communication is a massive key in keeping one together. If he is depressed then he can get through it, you can all get through it together and come out the other side. Just remember, communication is key!!
Sometimes you just gotta love yourself and know when things aren’t getting better especially if u exhausted all options.
Leave and see if he makes any effort then. If not stay away.
Leave. Plain and simple.
Leave him a letter addressing why and Leave. If it’s meant to be he’ll try but Leave and save yourself
She said she wants out, it’s not going to change, get out and be happy
Yall gotta understand men go through shit too it might not have anything to do with her which is probably why he thinks they’re good I’d encourage him to do couples counseling and maybe individual counseling my man goes through phases like this and I jus let him know I love him and I’m there for him when he’s ready to open up
when you get fed up on him still being dumb and not comunative. Flip all the power switches to off. Then start yelling at him to leave, or to grow up and talk. Let him know that you are are going to. Let him know that you are not going to be a slave in the background of what is meant to be a working relationship of 100% from both of you.
Counseling. If he doesn’t want to, go for yourself.
Maybe take a pre separation and see how that works out good luck
There are a lot of steps prior to separating and a lot more prior to divorcing. It’s sad that just 50 years ago women were shamed for leaving a marriage and the new norm is now shaming a woman for staying and what’s worse is that it’s other women doing the shaming. You gave a very vague insight into your marriage and already women are telling you to leave him and find a happier life. That “happier life” does not exist as a far away place. You can choose to be happy right where you are. Change your roles, change jobs, change locations, anything prior to leaving a man that you are married to and have children with. You not once said you didn’t love him nor that love was the issue. Only you know if your marriage is salvageable and I cannot quite give advice based on not only a short paragraph but only your side of things. What I can tell you is that your children will also carry the burden of either your unhappy marriage or your family separating as a unit. Choose wisely and take small steps. If you are not sure, then Wait it out and work on it. If you were really done you would have already left. If we can’t make ourselves happy as adults, why would we then make someone else responsible for our happiness? Start with therapy for yourself. Work on yourself and the things that you can control. Good luck
Communicate with him. See if counseling is an option. If it’s not, then leave. Co parent the children maturely. Not sure what kind of advice you’re looking for or if you’re more so just looking for ‘‘permission’’. Life is too short to stay in a loveless relationship. Some people just don’t grow together and that’s perfectly fine. You can love someone but fall out of love with them. You don’t have to stay out of ‘‘obligation’’. But you do need to communicate with him and see if yall are on the same page or not.
Sounds like he checked out already
Pack your stuff and leave. Stop giving your all to a dead relationship, life is too short for that nonsense.
Just pack your suitcase and leave if you can’t get together and work out your problem!
If there’s not a custody agreement, get one. Otherwise he could potentially have you arrested for kidnapping if you take the kids without his permission or knowledge.
Get u our own place. Leave when he is not home and take the kids with you. I used to pack my stuff up slowly and put in the kid’s closet because my ex never looked in them lol.By doing that when I moved out I could do it fast. Go to the court house file for child support and custody asap. After u leave him just tell him straight up in a letter or a text that u left and your done. You can also tell him in person which you may want to try first . If he’s stops u from leaving call the police.
Open the door, walk thru it
Never stay tied to someone that doesn’t meet your needs, one day you wake up and realize your life is over and you spent it being miserable
Pack and walk out the door
Just pack up and leave move on with ur life, worry about ur kid’s and ur self leave him alone just cuz un happy doe’snt mean you have to be in happy may be u"ll find some one better, leave ur past in the past and look to the future god bless you,take care of ur self,n ur babies
My ex couldn’t get it Thur his head that we were broken to the point I had to get a restraining order against him
Maybe life’s kicking him in the ass! And you don’t realize it. A lot of man have harder jobs then we realize, before you decide to leave, make special dinners, play with kids just to let him relax, do you love him? Kinda sounds like your bored, find out why befor you break up your family
Just go. This is also my answer im trying to get through my own thick ass skull
I’m not saying leave, but you can’t really have a relationship with someone who is like a brick wall. My kids dad was just like this, I tried for six years. Thank God I never married his ass. A relationship only works if there are TWO people in It.
If you are truly ready to leave, send the kids to their grandparents and have a sit down conversation about it.
If you want to try to fix things:
- make sure you are speaking to one another’s love language
- practice nonconfrontational communication skills
- plainly tell your partner what you need
-take charge of things that matter to you
pack up and walk away, before you can’t.
Sometimes leaving wakes people up. Either way u should go until u figure out what makes you happy. For the both of you. He’ll realize he needs to change and u will realize what u also might need to change as well. Space can heal. Plus u said boyfriend. He obviously isn’t doing something right after two kids and 11 years. I’d be gone before that if he showed me he doesn’t wanna marry me and grow old
Love your self and God will get you through
You need to go slut on him get a baby sitter and bang his brains out like a bad girl and i bet you two will be back in love and your family will be together and happy because i know this first hand do it and do it now
Two sides to ever story.
Bite the bullet, tell him it’s not working and you want out. Then stick to your guns and get out, you only have one life. Be happy.
Love needs to be build and its takes process.
Life is too short to be in the wrong relationship. Sometimes you just have to put yourself and your happiness first so you can make yourself happy. Save some money, get your own place and leave him. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, yes 11yrs with a couple of kids is a lot but that doesn’t mean stay and keep making yourself unhappy. Sort out shared care so you both get the same amount of time with the kids and make it work that way. being on your own and working on yourself and building yourself back up is one of the most rewarding things you can do. Leave him and be happy
It’s easy, pack up and leave.
Only you can make that decision. If it’s that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence you need to rethink your position. If you’re bored you need to work to engage him. If you have fallen out of love you may as well start packing.
He might have an entirely different story. I’d love to hear his side!
Leave then and find someone that appreciates you and wants to make the effort…
Go. Go right now. Smartest move you’ll ever make for you and especially the babies
If you can afford to leave there’s nothing greater for your children to see their Momma happy. Sometimes it just doesn’t work 11 years is long enough.
My partner and I had a long serious talk about how we have been doing. Every relationship has its ups and downs. We both agreed to work on our relationship together to try to get past our rough patch of the prior year and a half. We both agreed to let things go because we were both in the wrong here and there. If you both can agree to have a conversation to try to get past the bad part and work on it their is still a fighting chance.
There’s going to be support issues , visiting times. Tell him you want to separate and try utilizing mediation. Best of luck and praying for ya. It’s a tough call but only u can make the decision
It really depends of a lot of things like; are you married or just together, do you have family or a support system to lean on until you can get on your feet(if you’re not financially secure on your own right now), custody…this really isn’t something you can get “advice” on because there are too many what-ifs.
You need to get your shit together, first and foremost. HOW you decide to leave is all up to you.
Sound like a confession you need to have, ask him how he feels about the relationship.
just walk away. don’t say anything, don’t tell him shit. just leave. a relationship where you snap and fight with each other and don’t put any work into it maintaining it…can turn toxic. even abusive. so just leave.
Pack your stuff and your kids stuff and move out. Life is too short to be miserable!
Rip the bandaid off. Its not easy but you’ll feel so much better once you vocalize that you no longer want this relationship and don’t worry much about the other person’s feelings because you matter too and no one on either side deserves to stay in a long term relationship if its not wanted. /:
Its the best thing you’ll ever do even your own company is far superior to toxic company its hard starting out again but nowhere as hard as living in that kind of environment head up you got this girl
Once it’s gone it’s gone in my opinion…only you can decide and make that move…
You may have to stick around to acquire some skills or education to be able to support you and kids. Or may have to stay with mom or dad while you work hard to become self sufficient. Good luck.
Take a holiday with the kids.
Take a holiday with the kids.
Tell him point blank that your not happy and if things don’t change your gone.
When it’s over it’s over
Maybe it’s time to leave