How to let my fiance adopt a child from a previous relationship?

I didn’t even know that was possible :flushed:
Definitely get a decent lawyer

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Ok so , there’s a lot holes in this story , is he good to the kid? If so then you have no reason to take her away from him , but if he’s not good to her that’s different

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Depending on the state, sounds like they named your ex husband father by law because you were married and he was choosing to “take responsibility” for that baby as well as his children.

You’d have to prove your case and fight him. But if your fiance isn’t adopting all your kids, there’s no way they’re going to let him “split the kids up” kinda thing.

A judge isn’t going to let him adopt your exes biological children just because you wish it.

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i dont gwt what you mean miss, if a child bio. dad is responsible enough to be with your daughter let him be he has all the right. specially when he done all the obligation

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In order to adopt a child you have to get an attorney to file the paperwork for you to the court. Both parents have to be in agreement or the other parent has to have a period of no contact with the child. Once the paper work is filed then you have to have a social worker do a home study to make sure you and your house is a safe place for the child. Certain requirements need to be met then you and your SO have to give the court your paystubs from the last I believe 4 months as well as the other parent. This is to prove that who ever is adopting can financially care for a child.
Finally some times the adoptive parent and the bio patents names are both listed on the birth certificate
I want to remind you this process is long it won’t be worked out in a manner of weeks and maybe not even months some times it’s a year before everything is final so prepare for that.
I was adopted as a teen aged and remember everything that had to happen before I was able to be adopted officially my SO is adopting my children and we have been going back and forth for 7 months now.

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Also because your child is over the age of 1 and the other parent is on the birth certificate if you wanted to change her name and he didn’t want you to then he has every right to stop you from doing that. Bad marriage or not name changes are not easy.
You realistically don’t have a leg to stand on. He’s in her life so let him do that.
Your husband or what ever adopting the kid isn’t going to strip away the fathers rights and if that’s the sole Reason for wanting to adopt then you have a rude awakening is bio dad won’t agree then there nothing that you can do because at the end of the day that’s his child to and he has just as much rights to that child that you do.

Basically no. You can’t do any of that without his permission. While married any child you conceive is his in the eyes of the law. Let her have her dad, he fought for this kid KNOWING it wasn’t his. You’re ready to tear your daughter away from one man for another? This girl is going to grow up with daddy issues because YOU ARE confusing her

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How does a non biological man get custody of a child that’s not his over a biological mother???

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This is very odd that he has shared custody of a child that is not his. It’s very hard for others to give advice on a situation like this without knowing how this happened. I would suggest getting a dna test done but the only issue you would have now is the fact your ex has had shared custody for so long that they won’t agree for the child to never see him again as he is her father as far as the child is concerned. Why is it so important? I’m getting the impression your other children are his also. If I’m wrong then you need to ask yourself. Is your child happy with you ex as her father? If they are content I see no reason for you to allow your now partner to adopt her considering how content and Happy she may be. I know for your own self it would be more loving to have a family unit at home like that but sadly that is not fair on your child if they know your ex as their father and is happy. Why would you want to change that for her and potentially upset her

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Just stop.
Your relationship has no bearing over the relationship your children have with the man who raised them.

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Your boyfriend who isn’t the child’s biological father not legal father got shared custody while the bio father is on the birth certificate? How is that even possible? I’d hire a lawyer & get that amended. Also ask that lawyer about the adoption. In my understanding you have to be married & the legal father has to give up rights. However in your situation a non-related man shares custody. Idk if he’d have the ability to stop the adoption.

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Honestly a lot of this advice is not accurate. Many states presume the husband is the father if the wife is pregnant and some states automatically put the husband on the birth certificate. Other states have different rules for who is the legal father, irregardless of the birth certificate or bio parent if marriage is involved, especially if your ex husband supported the child financially. The state also sees the child as having a right to be supported and cared for, and doesn’t necessarily care if the husband is the bio parent or not, as the child has a right to be supported by whoever the state deems the legal father, and there are many cases of a wife having another man’s child during a marriage the husband still has to pay for because bio dad doesn’t want to get involved or because of the marriage. You may think that’s dumb, but the state doesn’t care and usually only gives a limited amount of time to contest that. Furthermore, some states handle birth certificates and acknowledgment of paternity differently, so make sure you aren’t getting those two mixed up. Also, most states will not take away the rights of the legal father, unless the legal father agrees to do a step-parent adoption. In your case, your ex is probably the legal father if you’ve been through the courts unless you can prove abandonment, which can be hard. You’re also not married to your fiance yet, so that can further complicate the situation in the eyes of the court. Unless you can prove abandonment, get married, and your ex is willing to give up his parental rights, you’re likely out of luck. Lastly, you’d probably get better advice if you mentioned your state, since these laws tend to be state-specific. Lastly, if your ex-husband is a good dad, do what’s best for your daughter and suck it up. If it’s just him you can’t stand, do exchanges publicly and quickly and communicate through a court-ordered parenting app. To do anything significant in this situation you will need lots of legal advice and could take years, and that’s if you all agree. I’d really evaluate if you want to pursue this battle unless your ex is unfit or not involved, but that’s up to you.

Heal yourself and quit having different men around the child

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This is typical in some states… if you are married to someone still… and a have a baby- they are the “legal” parent. Makes zero sense to me…
I personally don’t care if you were married and had a baby by someone else - but you’ll need to legally get that resolved.

He didn’t raise her. You lived on separate floors. You were seperated. How in heaven’s name was he able to get shared custody? Was your lawyer asleep?

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That’s a lot of men in one post… it’s like draw a card or something with who will raise her? Whoever you pick at that moment I guess? Whew, maybe get a therapists help🤷🏼‍♀️

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Let it be cause if this one does it work out then its another issue.Its just a name.If someone loves the child let it be do not complicate the situation. Again that’s only my opinion and why such a push for a name change.She can change it when she is old old enough to make her own decision based on what she deals comfortable knowing when she gets older.You named her so let it be.

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This custody scenario is way more common than people think it is. Biologically the child isn’t the ex husbands but he’s been raising her since day 1. The courts obviously heard a story that’s not being told in it’s entirety here but :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:. Honestly OP, you could really benefit from some counseling. I would also spend a lot more time focusing on your relationship with your children vs men’s relationship with your children.

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That should never have been allowed in court to start with

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Or you could just get a lawyer instead of asking Facebook

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A child cnt have 3 parents I dont think

Clearly the judge has the child’s best interest at heart! Why pull away the only other parent she knows biological or not!! Shame on you for wanting it another way! Be grateful someone else loves your child like it’s his! If he is going to love her as his own I honestly don’t see the problem unless you want another guy to be her dad!

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I understand if your married hes the legal dad regardless but where is her bio dad ? Why didn’t he help you in court over custody ? If that’s an option still, maybe see if he will go bk with you for custody and demand a DNA? Then once that happens if he don’t want custody can’t he just give it to your fiance/husband?(giving his rights up)Otherwise I’d just leave it. I understand wanting your child to be adopted by who loves em but clearly your ex loves her as well, so I’d just let her have 2 dads loving on her!

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Why do u have 2 change the agreement. If he raised her from an early age they r bonded. Let it b. Do u know how many bio dad’s don’t even want 2 b included in their childs life? Heres a man who obviously wants 2 b included wether he’s her bio dad or not so b grateful 4 that n let it alone.

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I had this happen as well. I was still married, on my ex’s insurance and my daughter was actually born “baby …… (his last name) however I did not list him as the father… it caused issues for me down the line with custody and her father…

If the biological Dad is on the birth certificate then I would assume it is his rights that would need to be given up for an adoption to take place. It’s his permission you need. On the custody front, your best bet is to ask your daughter what she wants. If she says she doesn’t want to see him and you can show he’s not the biological father, things may appear differently to a judge.

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If the bio dad is in the birth certificate your ex husband shouldn’t be able to stop the adoption. They send notice to whomever is on the birth certificate

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to let my fiance adopt a child from a previous relationship?

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Just from a family experience, DNA has to be done to prove he is not the father and he has to sign saying he is not the childs father, and your current husband has to legally adopt the child. Its a long drawn out process but can be done as long as your ex will sign saying the child is not his. In my family experience, the non-biological father would not sign so Nothing else could be done.

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Does he always pay child support? Is he still seeing her? How often? I am shocked that he would get shared custody not being the father. Never heard of that before.

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Sounds like a control issue. Ex has shared custody, for whatever reason, never wanted anything to do with her, and now that you’re moved out he claims he wants to adopt her?! He’s trying to still control you! Doesn’t biological dad have to relinquish parental rights to do that since he’s on the birth certificate? Is the biological dad your current fiancé or not involved in her life? Is it possible your ex can attempt to adopt her by showing biological dad has abandoned his parental rights if he’s not involved with the baby in any way or never has been? I think you need to Tell us more information about biological dad and his position in her life…

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It all depends on whete you live. There are several states where a child conceived during a marriage the husband is considered the father. Pennsylvania is one state. Look into it. If you dont have the $$$ for an attorney go to l9cal university and see if their legal program will assist you. I truly wish you all the best

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A lawyer in your state can advise you, a consultion should be free. He can tell you if it can be done and the cost. I adopted 3 of my daughter’s children when she passed away in a car accident. The judge gave the sperm donor 3 months to respond to a petition and because he hadn’t paid any child support or had any contact for a period over 6 months and never responded to the court petition the judge expunged his parental rights and my husband and I legally adopted the three of them and they have our last name.

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The name you have listed as father, on the birth certificate, will have to agree to give her his rights to her. That is where you have to start. Doesn’t matter if he has never even seen her. That’s the law.

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I don’t understand why she can’t have dad and bonus dad? As long as they both treat her like their own who cares who’s on the birth cert.

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Are you really complaining about a man that wants to take care of your kid because she hasn’t got a dad? Even if its your ex i think its beautiful to let her have a chance to have one. One that is not scared to be there for her.

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This is really sad for your daughter!! I’m sorry but I would think about the safety and well-being of your daughter and stop adding men to your bed-sheet. There is more going on here then what you are saying! Air your dirty laundry (personal business) on line you will hear the brutal truth!

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I’d get a better lawyer. Because there’s something wrong with this picture Have a dna if need be. But I wouldn’t let a fiancé even consider adoption of my child till we were married awhile and I knew he would be there

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I’m confused. He never did anything for this child that wasn’t his but wanted to be responsible for said child and pay support???

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Was the man violent? Does he live and take care of the child like his own? If so then personally, and this is just me, I would be happy so many men want to be part o the child’s life.

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It is becoming more and more possible for step-parents to have rights on children they raised. I got full custody of my ex’s daughters. It is what is in the best interest of the child and it would seem to me that an adult who has been a responsible parent should have the rights and responsibilities based on the relationship with the child not the relationship with the other parent.

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You had a baby with someone else while living with your now ex husband. He was around for that whole time now your fiance of 3 and a half years wants to adopt her someday? I’m sorry but there must be a reason why the judge gave your ex joint custody of a child that isnt his. Also with all that mess no judge will let your fiance adopt her if your not married. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but I think you got some growing up to do

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Lady, do you know who the father is of any of your children?

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What if things don’t work out with your fiance after you’re married ? Is the baby going to be Shared again ? Please see a lawyer and maybe get some counseling.

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Ok sweethart you can not fix your citeration but guess who can jesus let him do it waite patiently be bless and safe

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Do you have other children from the man who isn’t the 4.5 year old’s dad?

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It seems doubtful that a court would allow your fiancé to adopt your child. Although the biological father has basically abandoned her and hasn’t established any of his rights, you would still need him to legally sign away his rights. But, since your ex husband was awarded shared custody, the court recognized him as a parent to your child whom is responsible for her. (Probably because you were legally married when the child was conceived and he has been financially supporting the child) In the best interest of the child they would not unwind that simply because you have a new or different man in your life.

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Maybe he’s just trying to cause as much trouble for you as he can, get on with yr life ,never mind what he wants,let him see the bairn if he wants to but,stop going to court,if he wants to let him . keep calm and

Feel good at least she has a dad (albeit not biological) that cares and wants her in his life, he obviously considers this child as his, be grateful

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Laws vary from state to state I believe. But I think your best bet is to talk to a lawyer. And please, don’t take this the wrong way, but you need to get your life in order. You had an affair, got pregnant, and your ex-husband has shared custody. You said you stayed together “for the kids”…how many other children do you have? I’m assuming your ex has shared custody of those children as well? Now, you’re engaged to someone else and want him to adopt your daughter. Honey, this is a mess. I understand you may have been unhappy in your marriage, however, you WERE still legally married when you conceived your daughter. So your daughter is 4.5 years old. You moved out when she was 1.5, and have been with this other guy since she was 1. You need to stop with the men. 3 men in the last 5 years? All wanting in some way to adopt your daughter, except the biological one apparently. This sounds more like a soap opera! You seem like one of those women that have to ALWAYS have a man in her life. You need to first be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Before you marry this next guy, do yourself and your daughter a favor…make damned good and sure this is it. I feel like there should be more information here, there is more to this story…like your ex-husband’s side. For all we know the father of your daughter wasn’t your first act of infidelity. And maybe he wasn’t faithful to you, without the whole story we’ll never know. But my advice to you, take it or leave it, is to get your priorities together. Learn to stand on your own two feet and stop confusing this poor child with who her dad is. If your ex is a good father to her, then let it alone. She does not need to have her stepfather’s last name. Your fiance can be a good father figure to her without adopting her. You’re making too much out of this. All that matters is that she is happy, healthy, and well taken care of. Not a prop to be used against your ex and certainly not one to use to latch on and keep hold of another man.

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Who cares where you slept. You and your husband lived in the same house. Not divorced yet. You get into a relationship with a man even though you are married. It doesn’t matter you slept different room. You get pregnant with a another mans baby. You divorced your now ex. Then he takes you to court for shared custody and wins. He did do something for someone else’s child. He didn’t kick you out. If I were you. I would have never put this on social media. Even writing this comment sounds crazy.

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Get an attorney and find out your rights.

No one can adopt the child unless you have consent from the biological father and how has your ex got custody if he’s not the dad sounds strange to me

Why does your new fiance need to adopt her … she clearly has a dad.

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Grow up! The child knows her as a father figure. It’s important for the child to keep the same last name as yours. Focus on the child

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Don’t take any notice of the chills. There for the Grace of God. Ppl that live in glass houses should not throw stone so if u haven’t anything positive to write BUTT out. Nana of 21. God Bless

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Get the family court judge to get DNA tests. Until then your ex must pay child support. Tell him to give up parental rights and then he won’t have to pay child support till the kid is 18 or 23 if kids in school. If he don’t pay it he will go to prison.

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Hi, I do not know the answer. But to me it seems like you would have to get your X to give up share custody , so the other guy can adopt.
I could be totally wrong, just my opinion.

Check your state laws. It could be a slipperly slope. The child is from the marriage but not of the marriage.

If he raised her, there nothing you can do about it.

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So sad sounds like my daughter, why are the courts now giving the dads 50 percent custody when there shit hole dads. He had a dui with kids in the car double the limit, he shows his kids how to lie, all kinds of bad parenting and 50 percent. We documented all the other issues, getting no where. It’s sick

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You don’t…leave things the way they are, the child can decide at the “age of decision” which is usually 14 years if he or she wants to be adopted, my step-mother wanted to adopt me but my biological mother opposed it and when I turned 14, I said no to an adoption by my step -mother because she was a horrible person and I was old enough to realise that and felt at age 14, if I chose to allow her to adopt me “she would have more control over me”, so I said no because I am not her kid…she is in the grave now having died a slow death from scleraderma, a fiting end for the bitch.

If she was born during your marriage, even though he may not be the biological father, legally she is his. Sounds like you’d better slow things down. Lots of kids and fiance’s. Who knows if this one will last.

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Is he a good dad to her? If so why dose it matter if someone new is in the picture he most love your little girl if he wants to raised her and knowing she’s not his biological child any man can make a baby it takes a real one to raise them I don’t know the whole story but if he loves her in a good dad then let it be but he would have to give up his rights before anyone could adopt her

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HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE GET SHARED CUSTODY OF A CHILD THAT IS NOT EVEN HIS ??? That doesn’t seem possible

If you were married at the time you became pregnant with another mans baby, the courts will look at your husband as the legal father, giving him all rights to shared parental rights also. If the biological father decided he wanted to be name the father of the child he would have to adopt his own child. But it sounds to me that the biological father is not in the picture, only the husband, which depending on your state will have to most likely have to sign over his rights as the legal father if your new husband wants to adopt. But this is something you and your attorney needs to sit down and discuss what is in the best interest of the child.

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Google Lawyer and see if you can ask the question that way, no charge

And also, if your kid has a father figure that has been with her since she was a baby and obviously takes care of her and sees her, why are you being selfish af and trying to give her a new daddy just because you are tired of the old one? Grow up and put your kid first. This is a shit show.

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Get a lawyer!! This seems crazy

He has done it to be a basket

Everybody’s situation is different. I’d say trust your gut but doing that seems to have brought you to the dilemma you are in.
If you find yourself and children in a position to embark on a path that takes you into a wholesome loving environment. You should probably give it a whole hearted attempt.
Most people want the best for their children. And most of the people I know that are doing well in life. Have a loving family that showed them how to live.

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How was your fiance in her life since she was 1 if you moved out when she was 1.5. Does your ex husband still have shared custody of her? If so then no, you definitely don’t have a leg to stand on.

You r full of crap… Why would he fight for her amd have nothing to do with her… Sounds like he loves her and she has a dad, and Maybe mama needs to wake up.

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She lived on separate floors, same house, FOR THE KIDS!
How many kids, what ages.
Maybe he sees “all,” the kids as one family, & doesn’t want them separated…

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If you was married and had baby legally it is his child tho no bio child any children born within a marriage is the spouses

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I’m confused was she married and got pregnant by another while under the same roof as her husband because this sounds like it should be on MAURY. My brain :exploding_head:

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I’m confused. She already had children, so stayed with her husband, saw someone else, got pregnant again, and the biological father supposedly didn’t want anything to do with the child. Then her ex husband decided to go through the effort and expense of a joint custody case for a child that appears to have been living in his house for a year and a half “on a different floor”.

This sounds as if she was still living in the same house, possibly sleeping in different rooms, but her children were being treated as if they were the husband’s. If not, that was a helluva big house for them all to stay out of each other’s way on different floors. Was the husband supporting all of these children, effectively acting like a father to all?

I feel we are missing some details here, which are quite important. As said by others, legal advice should be sought from a lawyer.

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You should have thought if that before teaching your child he was her daddy. And you can not change her daddy everytime you change partners. Men get just as attached to their children

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I believe three questions need to be asked and answered: is he a good father to her? Do they love each other? And does your daughter WANT to be adopted?

Is it possible to get in touch with the bio dad see if he will go to court with you and get a DNA test it sounds like your husband is interested in keeping custody only to spite you.

Honestly, if you have any options they will vary by location. You need to consult a family law attorney in your area for a case like this.

Wait, her bio dad has to adopt her bc ex husband got shared custody but she’s not even his? That right? Have to prove ex husband isn’t her bio.

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It sounds like you honestly need to get your life together for your kids FIRST. Getting pregnant by a guy who wasn’t even in the picture until that child was one WHILE still living with your ex?

Come on :woman_facepalming:t2: Those poor freaking kids aren’t going to know who their real father is.

I’m not understanding, you were divorced then conceived a child with another man. How can you ex husband claim any rights if you were not married any longer? Or were you still legally married at that time? If you were, then yes, you are stuck dealing with your ex for life!

Wow… I’m thinking the child is VERY LUCKY TO HAVE A MAN WHO IS NOT THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER BUT WHO HELPED RAISE AS HIS OWN STEP UP…

Get a free consultation with a good family lawyer

Dearly Presents i enjoy seeing ur posts! THX 4 sharing

You don’t do that. A child adoption is not for your benefit but for the child . Since you already failed a marriage what makes you think this is going to work? And by the way you think I don’t know who is going to be stupid enough to marry you. However a child is not a cabbage patch . What do you have in your head, ?

Wait until you’re married!!!

Get. A. Lawyer. No one on Facebook is going to be able to help you

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Your poor little girl. Leave her alone

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Sometimes guys stick around and seem real interested in being “daddy” because they have sick perverted minds. Protect your daughters.

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You need to get a better lawyer

I have a program called Legalshield that give you access to any attorney for any situations in any state. Inbox me for details.

Talk to a lawyer and get dna test

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Why do people ask lawyer, doctors, Google, etc questions on fb? Nobody who can really appoint you / help you the way needed will be in these group. Yet alone on fb like that. This suck but call a attorney love

Maybe if the biological father claim ms her and signs over his rights?

I dont know what state you are in but here in Pa and I know because I went though it myself. I have 3 beautiful daughters with my ex husband. We spilt in 2007. I was seeing someone else that I was never married to for a couple of year also let me put we have no kids together . When we broke it off I started to date a highschool friend that we reconnected. In 2016 I got remarried and while I was on my honeymoon I rec court papers. He wanted to see my girls on a normal bases. He took me and my ex-husband to court for this. And he won. He gets to see 3 girls that are not his twice a year for a couple of hours until they are 18. Pa thinks that if you live together for more than 6 months and you share the bills and your boyfriend/girlfriend plays a parenting role that they have rights after you spilt. And I get it why take that away from a child that is still loved by someone that didn’t work at for you. Your child wasn’t part of the breakup. Dont take that away. And for your fiance now if he wants to adopt your daughter 1 you should wait til your married it will make it so much easier and 2 most states will require you to have the bio dad sign his rights over. And if he pays any kind of support you will lose that too. But he would need to agree to the adoption.

Why does it matter? Is she being hurt? You? Just trying to figure out why it’s such a big deal to have an extra person love your child? Blood or not he loves her and I bet she loves him.