It is something that you and only you in due time can get over if ever people can tell you what to do but you again have to live with that choice that is made my prayers are with you
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You are a smart person to realize what you must do and only if you can. If his cheating was part of an untreated addiction it will never stop, unless he’s willing to admit, and seek treatment. You also may have some issues you need to deal with because just as there are dependnts/addicts there are codependent who are stuck feeling unworthy, have very low self esteem. Were your feelings of infatuation your codependency? Your way of dealing with your own feelings of inadequacy? These may be your feelings to deal with whether you choose to stay or go. Untreated you are passing this illness on to your children. Not a simple answer to what may be a very emotionally toxic relationship.
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Walk away. Learn about your inner child, listen to podcasts, go to counseling for yourself.
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Did he tell you or was he caught?
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Therapy for yourself and couples Therapy without help you will end up totally resenting him and will have no choice but to leave him because you do not want your children brought up in a home where the parents do not love and respect each other.
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Go to counseling for you then both of you. A good counselor well help you get back together or help you part gracefully. Good luck. It’s not easy. I’ve been there 18 years ago.
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Please don’t stay for the kids sake you can co parent x the kids need a happy mummy and by the sounds of it you are not xx wish you all the luck xx
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People can change if they put the work in 
communication is key.
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It took me almost 4 years and him being a completely changed man for us to finally move on… now its just a bad memory. But it takes time and a lot of effort on both parties to be able to heal and move on
11 years ago I cheated on my husband on our 5th year anniversary day and then I sent pictures to another guy a couple months later. He found out about both times and freaked out on me ( he’s not violent but he did scare me ) he said if we want to stay together then I need to stop and if it happens again then we’re done ( in my defense our relationship was on the rocks and it just happened) since then I haven’t done anything and then he started texting girls, sending money to girls, saving pictures and videos all on media I caught him numerous of times and told him no more if you do it again we are done and he quit now both of us have trust in each other and we are just as happy as can be. Yes it comes up sometimes during arguments but we just say what’s on our minds the apologies and go on with our day. We have been together for 17 years and everyone thinks our relationship is perfect but we just work at it every day
I’m not strong enough to handle that betrayal! My heart couldn’t handle it! But my dad passed away a couple years ago and I guess he felt he needed to get somethings off his chest! He confessed he had an affair on my mom when I was a small child! You would never had known! My parents and an amazing marriage though it wasn’t perfect they were very passionate with each other! Good and bad! My mom knew of this affair she forgave him! My mom always struggled with self esteem issues but she loved him more than anything and somehow she forgave him! I couldn’t but she did! Maybe counseling? I’m sorry he hurt you in the worst way!
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In my opinion you’re never going to be happy in this marriage you said you were a person that would never forgive a cheater but here you are forgiving a cheater. He didn’t make a mistake he made a choice just as you are to remain in the marriage and raise your kids the proper way so that when they grow up they have no idea what healthy happy love is. Would you want either of your kids to remain in a marriage where they weren’t happy. I just can’t help but to ask if your husband committed murder would you change your beliefs and values on that so your kids could grow up in the home that they deserve? Don’t stay in a marriage for the kids all you’re doing is putting a lifetime of guilt on your kids shoulders they’ll find out sooner or later and imagine having to live with the fact that your parents were together when your mother was miserable and it was all for them. Come on guys will start being honest with ourselves and in our relationship we’re raising so many fake people with fake lives.
As has been suggested, couples counselling might help.
I stayed and he continued to cheat until I finally left.
A slut is a slut even if it’s a man. If they’ll do you wrong once they’ll do it again
You’ll never be able to get it out of your head and it will never feel the same again. If you can stuff that down and live with it, best of luck but I encountered the same thing and felt dead inside. And your kids will notice this as well so consider the energy you’re in and how that passes along to them.
For those who want to fix the marriage ask him if you can sleep with someone else that way it kind of evens out.
I met my husband when I was 14 and we have been together ever since. We have been married almost 26 years and have 5 kids , who are now 25,23,23,21 and 14. Needless to say he had an affair I found out about when the now 21 year old was 2. It took me about 2 1/2 years to fully trust him. I was mean in those two years and would make comments all the time. One day we passed a woman while I was driving and he looked and I said do you need me to stop the car so you can get her number. In that moment a lightbulb went off and I remember thinking if you are going to forgive as you say and get past this you have got to let this go and from that day forward I did. We had some counseling and moved forward . Our relationship/ marriage is great and whenever people say how have you done it I say two things if you truly love someone you will fight for it and two if a light bulb breaks in a house you don’t buy a new house you fix it . Anyways you’re not alone! Feel free to reach out and it is possible to fix. Hugs!
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You can forgive but not forget…in my opinion once a cheater always a cheater even the right opportunity but who know maybe some people can change?! I was cheated on and I knew I deserved someone who loved me enough to never do that do it wasn’t forgivable
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Mine cheated 2 years ago and I left. If u forgive it will happen again.
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Been there and when Through that I know all the feels , but I stayed and we raised the kids he died after 41 years. Now he has been dead 22 years and I still thank about all of it everyday . You have to do what’s best for you because you don’t owe him anything
My fiancé and I have been together for almost ten years. During that time we’ve split up several times. When I met him his daughter was one and half years old. After a few months of dating I moved in with him and we were engaged that summer. Come to find out he was sexting with his baby momma. We fought and struggled with that. I stayed. He said it was done and then come to find out it wasn’t. So I ended up moving back home and we were kind of trying to work it out until I found out he full on cheated. I mean I consider sexting cheating too but they never got physical… until I moved out. So we broke up for a while… about 4-5 months. Him and his baby momma tried. They got back together and they constantly fought. I tried to move on but couldn’t. Anyway, long story short we ended up back together. It was soooo fucking hard. I had to deal with the girl for the rest of my life if I chose to stay. His daughter was a constant reminder. It sucked. But it took a good 2 years before I fully trusted him again. Now we have split up, for completely different reasons. But we have been together and things have been great. I know he would NEVER cheat again.
It’s very possible to get over it and to trust and love that person again. But it does take time and work. We have been through a lot of shit together. We have a son now, who just turned 6.
Have you guys gotten into counseling? It helped us immensely. You need to get right with yourself too honey. Self love is important… you can’t give love of you can’t love yourself.
It seems like he is very remorseful and like he’s trying. Acknowledge that. Communicate and validate each other’s feelings. Go on dates. Remember what made you guys fall in love in the first place.
I think you need to read this as if someone else has posted it. Do you realize that you are literally blaming yourself for his choices. YOU don’t want to ruin your family? He made that choice, affairs don’t just happen, there is lead up, there is tension there is plenty of opportunities to change your mind and walk away. He chose not to. You can choose to be ok with that, but if you choose not to be, it is certainly not your fault.
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Counseling will help. Getting to the root of why he cheated Will help you. Working through your triggers is important. I have been there. And it is repairable.
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Time… you need time to heal and be needs to court you so you can fall in love again.
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I have a friend, who had her bf cheat on her multiple times. She is still with him and having a second child by him. I asked her why are you staying with him, because he’s a good dad and wants the family together. She is choosing the kids happiness instead of her own. So if you want to sacrifice yourself for the kids, than you have to choose peace and forgive him. But you’ll always have the what if’s on the back of your head. You should know your worth more than emotional pain from this. Marriage is more than love, once trust is broken, ya never getting that back.
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You both could use some therapy. He needs to figure out why he cheated and it has likely nothing to do with you- what you aren’t and are in his eyes generally has zero to do with it. You could
explore how to move on from this.
I am not a believer in all marriages are doomed post affair but sometimes the issues stem prior to the affair ever happening.
It will never work !! You’ll always have it in the back of your mind and you’ll never trust him again
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You know what is the main problem and obstacle to still married after being cheated?You can forgive but never forget, the ghost of the other women and his betrayal will never leave your head and  heart, you will never overcome that and is just a matter of time to him to cheat again.
If you really really want to make it work you need outside help , you should start doing Theraphy , marriage counseling, if that doesn’t work you should move on with your life, the longer you force yourself to stay with him will only shorten the possibility of rebuilding your life alone or with someone else.
You can still be great parents to your kids after a divorce , kids should live in a loving environment not with miserable parents who stay together just for them
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Marriage counseling. They can give you insight and give you both skills in rebuilding. The only thing though is that you have to let go of any resentment
It doesn’t work, because there is no trust, loyalty, respect and love
A cheater always a cheater
Move on
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Okay I’m going to share this with you, hopefully this helps,
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years now and I was pregnant by the third kid with him, when I found out he was blind in love with a 18 year old , he was 25 by then he got her named tatted, on his chest and his arm yes I know. So I’m Christian I pray to heal from this and told
God “My father if it’s your will for us to split up, help me get through this process help me get through and be there for my kids. So days, months went by, one day he came back and said “I’m sorry let’s give this a try . He came home different we have been together for
3 years after that and everything he did still comes to my mind but it doesn’t hurt me anymore. Before by just thinking about it will make me cry, but now I can say GOD DID IT ALL, and he has change he’s Christian he preaches he’s committed to GOD! 
Percent! So everything is possible if you ask GOD FOR GUIDANCE! But then again not everyone believes in miracles, or in seconds chances . Do what your hearts says! God bless you and god bless you marriage:pray:
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You need to work on forgiveness, but in truth you’ll never forget. Fool me once I’ll forgive. My husband stepped out on me once, I forgave him. It took time but I’m glad I did. He’s treated me like a queen since and that was 30 years ago. I have never forgotten but I’m so glad I forgave him. Good luck honey. You are beautiful and strong. From your post you seem spiritual so ask God to help you seek forgiveness and regain your trust.
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Your not destroying your kids family, he already did that and it’s all on him. Yes I say you should leave. You can’t get over the affair and you aren’t in love with him anymore which is understandable. And he wouldn’t think twice about leaving you if this happened so why stay. Your kids don’t need you guys to be together and in the long run they will see how unhappy you are and that’s not good for them. They will think that’s how a relationship should be when they are in one.
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Find a good female councellor and start seeing her 1st then let your husband join. Your brain and thoughts are the devils playing grounds now. The affair had nothing to do with you or about you. I pray you get past the hurt and anger.
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Get in counseling ASAP.
First of all, I agree with you 100%. None of us know how we’d react until we’re in that position. Your husband’s actions have forever changed your view of him as well as your relationship. That hurt, anger and uncertainty will always be there. Some days it’ll be all you think about, others it’ll be a passing thought. He may be the best father in the world, and that’s a wonderful thing, but it will never be enough to undo the way he’s made you feel. He could spend the rest of his life going above and beyond for you, but it’ll never restore the trust you once had. The feelings you’re experiencing are completely normal. If you’re dead set on maintaining the relationship, than maybe you should try counseling. Not only for yourself, but as a couple.
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Counceling. Single and couples. Try the Love Dare and 5 love languages in the meantime. Pray for healing it’s a long road but it can be done 
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Well the fact that he said he doesn’t know what he saw on the other girl it’s a big lie 
obviously he was attractive to her…… you shouldn’t have to feel that way because every woman is beautiful in their own way 
if you really want to save your marriage I think you should take couples therapy or maybe you should go to therapy by yourself and see what you really want 
either way I feel like nothinggoing to be the same again 
 obviously that’s what really bothers me about men they’re not gonna be 100% really honest because you don’t go and cheat with somebody you don’t like 
Unless he was drunk or on drugs anyways good luck 

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If you aren’t IN LOVE with him. You have your answer.
You can’t make yourself fall back in love with him. And you damn sure can’t “pray” to fall back in love with him.
You need to think about the kids. What you are teaching them by staying in a loveless marriage.
I kicked my ex husband out the door and divorced him when I caught him cheating on me. You deserve better than him trust me if he does it once he will do it again and again. I found out the hard way. After I left him my female friends all came forward and told me he tried to get everyone of them in his bed. But they were faithful to me. Just wish they had of come forward before I caught him with his pants down.
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I’ve been there. Jesus. That’s all I can say that worked. Marriage counseling, independent counseling, and more didn’t work for us. God is the only One who saved my marriage and restored my heart. But just know, it’s not you. It was never your fault. And until you come to terms with that, it’ll be hard to heal. If he is trying, and continues to try, ask God to heal your heart and help to forgive him.
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You must think of yourself and what’s best for you ok
He already destroyed your family by having an affair 
leaving isn’t going to ruin your family any more than it already is. It’s healthy for your children to see you happy and in a healthy and stable relationship then seeing you beat yourself up over his drama. Find a place you can go and take the kids and work on the things that make you happy the most (obviously besides your kids) and until you can get yourself back on your feet. Figure out a custody agreement later
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Only with Gods love & Forgiveness 
We cannot pull that much strength, hope & joy from ourselves
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In my experience you never get over being cheated on. I wasn’t like you though, I got revenge. It didn’t help … I mean, it felt good to feel wanted and attractive again for a while but now, 7 years later every little argument goes back to ME cheating and ruining our family. There is zero trust. I’ve forgiven him but he cannot forgive me. I love my partner with all of my heart but it’s exhausting.
Can promise you, if I found solid evidence or just straight up that he cheated, I’d be gone.
There is a LOT I will forgive, but I was promised loyalty. If I’m not good enough that they need to sleep with someone else, then I’m respecting myself and leaving 
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Don’t… Once a cheater always a cheater. If you stay in the relationship he will think he can do it again because you forgave him once.
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Do not destroy your marriage over his mistake!! You love him and his children need him! He is trying to make up for bad judgement so give him this ONE chance! No one is perfect and he is full of regret! Pray together for renewed love and respect for each other. God is good! Best of luck!
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You can only forgive someone that cheated by them actually changing. Many people that cheat don’t ever change. They just say they have changed and continue with the lies and the cheating. The forgiveness comes when he shows you he isn’t that person. When he no longer keeps his phone away from you and acting like he’s hiding something. When all of the lies and secrets end is the only time you can forgive a cheater. Because from my experience not everyone is a cheater. Some people really do just make a stupid choice and later on realize they made a huge mistake. But not everyone does. Some people just are cheaters (like my ex husband) and won’t ever change. I think the first step to you forgiving him would be to understand if he made a mistake or if he’s just telling you he won’t do it again when in reality he will. It’s hard and the road to forgiveness is not easy at all. But with or without him you will be ok
I know it’s been said over and over but COUNSELING. We are not naturally equipped to know how to deal with the emotions that flood after something like this. I will say, don’t use your kids as the only excuse not to leave, kids don’t deserve to be “the only reason” you stayed. That’ll make you unhappy and they will sense it. Real talk, you’re going to have to work on you. You feeling so insecure, understandably so, is going to cause even more harm to your marriage. get counseling to work on your healing and your relationship with God.
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You need to get professional help, and I’m not saying that to be rude. It has been a year and you are still being tortured by your mind. You need someone trained to help you process this out and work through it. It’s good he’s doing his part to fix it. Now you do yours and get some help. You shouldn’t have to do it alone.
It can never be fixed imo. It’s always there and you’ll never trust him again. That’s why I couldn’t be with someone who cheated. I’ve only been with 1 man that hasn’t and why we’re still together today.
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I stopped reading after a while…trust has been broken…trust is earned not given…you feel like this because he was your soul partner your love of your life…your father to your children…he broke that and it don’t matter how much he is a great father he is it will always be in the back of your mind every time he sets foot out that door…“is he cheating”?..“where is he going” who is he talking to by text…its over…it don’t matter what he says to lift you…he choose to break that family commitment to you and your children…“your family together” I’m sorry to be harsh but once something is broken…its gone.
From one that’s been cheated on and he said allll the same things, only to do it again. They have a character flaw, not you. I personally was never able to get past it. It consumed my thoughts, so I had to move on so my kids would get the best version of me. Not the one desperately trying to hold on.
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Your kids might need both parents. However in this day and age you don’t have to be together to raise children. Children should not be the reason y’all are still together. It takes alot of work on both people to make a marriage work. If he’s trying then what are you doing to help with making the marriage work. I don’t condem cheaters and I was always told once a cheater always a cheater. If he has done it once and then got on the right track for how long til he wanders off again. I lost 15 years cause I stayed and I stayed for ALL the wrong reasons. If he valued his love for you and his family he would have never wandered off.
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yes your kids deserve a family, but they also deserve two parents who really love each other & them, And sometimes, 2 parents can’t love each other, but love their children unconditional. And if you don’t love him because of what he did, then you are not doing right for you or your kids, Yes counseling might help, & again, if you don’t; feel the same for him, it just might not help, If he is willing, I would give it try, for you, not for your kids. And it helps & works for you, that is wonderful, But if it doesn’t, then you really know just what to do
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Honey. Please let him go. And get tested. You need healing and therapy. Call on your family for support. The trust is gone babes. I know it’s difficult. But please leave him
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I will almost never tell someone to end their marriage, especially when I don’t know the person and most definitely not when the person is looking for advice on how to stay. I find that a lot of the “advice” on this forum is some version of “Run”!
It’s clear that you are struggling to figure out how to make it work and that abandoning your marriage before you have tried everything will be a regret you might have a hard time living with.
The best thing I can say is give it time. I know it’s been a year but in addition to his infidelity, you have had a lot of changes with a new baby and all of hormonal surges and emotional ups and downs that go with that naturally. You need to give yourself some grace and probably a break.
I would suggest in addition to marriage counseling that you find a good therapist to talk things through. Take some time for YOU - just YOU - even if it’s a couple hours a week to do something that you enjoy and that brings you peace.
Try “dating” your husband again. I know how “contrite” that sounds but it’s a great way to reconnect. I know that at various times in my 20+ marriage, my husband and I have done this when one or both of us feels like we’re drifting.
The pain you are feeling can definitely mask how you really feel. It’s difficult to not keep replaying something that hurt us so deeply. When the thoughts start to creep in, try to replace them with a happy memory. A good therapist can help you develop methods to do this and it’s a useful skill to learn.
I admire the fact that you are not willing to give up so easily. I pray that you will be to keep your family together but it can’t be at the expense of your happiness. Only time will tell if leaving is the only way to move forward. But you owe it to yourself to do what you can to try.
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I’ve been there. It takes time. Mine cheated on me and it took me about 5 years to actually not really care anymore about it. I forgave him and it really didn’t hurt anymore thinking about it. I still think about it at times but now it’s one of those just wow. I would say don’t seek revenge cuz at one point I slept with my ex and that was truly the worse sex I had and could never do it again. I’ve only been with not many men and can’t think of just going and being with anyone else. Maybe take some time together and go out or get away. Just make time for each other to see how things go. Even counseling together and maybe separate to help. We did that and the guy made some really good points and gave us things for us to do to work on us.
It’s easy to forgive but it’s the forgetting that doesn’t happen. Sounds like you’ve done most of the forgiving, imo, but it doesn’t erase it or keep the way it made you feel away. That’s a deep cut that almost never heals. Are you willing to keep those feelings suppressed for the rest of your marriage? I tried that once and I couldn’t do it, everytime he did something that I didn’t trust or even when that time of year came around, it was like I ripped the scab off and would just hurt myself all over again with the thoughts and feelings like he had done it all over again. I couldn’t live like that. So at the end of the relationship it was that I couldn’t forgive him for hurting me in such a disrespectful way. I chose my happiness, which in turn was the best decision for me and the daughter we share, cuz she deserves to grow up in a happy home. Not sure this is much help to you but it was my experience. Good luck to you and I hope whatever you decide, you’re happy.
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The pain is not the affair but the fact that there was no communication between the two of you. Sometimes prayer or counselling without knowing the root doesn’t work because the load of questions keeps getting heavy. Pray that he gets to tell you the true reason for his actions, not forcing him to say it but pray that the Holy Spirit works through him to say it. Be ready to received it by listen not being defensive for the sake of your love then forgive him and you completely for better healing of the spirit- remember forgiveness is not for the other but more for ourselves. Seek God’s intervention through your spiritual mentor, the process is painful but if you really want healing and your relationship in marriage to work, let the Holy Spirit lead and take a step at a time. Jesus never fails neither does the Father.
Regardless of everyone’s comments made here, its ultimately up to you and what you feel is best for not only you but your kids too. Its easier now that they are little if you decide to seperate. Best of luck to you.
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I forgave my husband after cheating on me 2x (that I knew of). That was a mistake. Recently I found out he had a relationship for a yr with another woman. I finally ended it. I have no real advice about “getting over it” bc the truth is you never will. You will always question his every move. You need to be happy and just do what’s best for you and your babies. I wish you luck.
Time is the biggest healer!
If your marriage is based solely upon your physical being anthen you have no hope of it working out, because overtime aging takes place you are a family you talk about sin, love is unconditional his soul does not belong to you his heart does, talk seek counsel talk to one another rekindle find anew, Do not quit If you love him and apparently he does you, change the things you can You can try, Love Strongly, Have a great life.
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If you want it to work and you honestly believe he will not do it again then stay and give it time and keep working on it the pain will get easier
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You 1000% can forgive him and even let it go. Either you can go have sex with a different man which will be either very hard or very easy for you to go through with. Or you can take time to learn what truly caused him to do this to you. Maybe you guys will grow from this or you’ll eventually find someone who would never do that to you.
Oh honey I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s devastating. Remember forgiveness is for yourself, not him. Also know that if you want to make it work, you’ve gotta try and get past it. Cheating is very tricky but there are peoe who have gone through it and stayed and ended up happier than ever. Work hard at moving past this because if you choose to stay, you can’t be holding it over him for the rest of your life… Moving on means moving past it. If you can’t do that, then it’s not fair to him, yourself and your kids. Wishing you all the best on this really difficult chapter in your life. I do hope you find some peace and happiness
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Marriage counseling if YOU want to work things out
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“I know he would leave me if I did anything with another man”… cheat. Just don’t ever let him find out. You’re resentful bc you feel he got away with something. And he did. So what are you going to do.
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You aren’t ruining your family by leaving, he already did that by being weak and disloyal and thinking with his penis.
People say leave but they don’t know how hard it can be as single mom to provide everything. You love your husband and it sounds like he loves you. Good fathers are few and far between. Try to make it work if you want to, but, yeah, he screwed up. Are you in counseling? If not, start. If not working, find another. If you don’t want to stay, you can leave.
He needs to win you back and prove he can be trusted. The relationship would be different, but it can still be a good one if you both work very hard.
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I’ve been there. Years of disloyalty. Before I was pregnant, he was cheating. During my pregnancy, he was cheating. After I had my babies, he was cheating. I finally, FINALLY got out of it but it took years for me to get to that point. Not because I loved him anymore. I found him repulsive and I felt I was disgusting. I stayed as long as I did for my babies. I never had my father growing up and I told myself I would not have a broken home for my children. But it just wasn’t enough. The cheating never ended. Drugs, mental abuse, porn, women women women. It was constant. He put up a hell of a show in front of people so that they wouldn’t ever believe he would be capable of doing something so dirty. But he was a totally different person from what everyone else saw. The best decision I ever made was letting it all go. But to this day, years afterward, I still have it in my head. No emotion toward him at all but the effects of everything and how it made me feel about myself is still very real. I catch myself projecting it on to my current husband ( who is totally different ) and I can’t even help it. Every day I wake up feeling like every betrayal just happened. That it’s my fault for not being the perfect woman. I’m so sorry you are going thru this and if you can manage to forgive AND forget then great but I couldn’t. I wanted to, for my babies. That hurt will always be there and now I’m constantly wondering what my current husband even sees in me. Good luck love.
speaking from experience, you first have to forgive him----then you have to forget what you forgave!!! Its not easy but if you want your marriage to work, thats what you have to do!!!
Speaking from experience you cant get over it, it was betrayal and it was a choice to him no one forced him. Every time you start to feel better something will remind you of what he’s done and then its this whole fresh wave of hurt all over again. Its constant worry of if he will do it again and a obsession of why he really did it and if it had anything to do with you then its wondering if there was anything you could have done or said to prevent it. Its constant madness and anxiety and once this type of hurt happens to you you’ll wonder if it happening with everyone you’ll have a relationship with. Not to be a negative nancy but unless you get professional help its not something you can deal with on your own and revenge doesnt make it fell better either, it may make you feel better for the moment but once that fades all the pain is there plus the new pain of lowering yourself to their level
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Don’t stay with someone just for kids, you don’t want your kids growing up and thinking an unhealthy unloving relationship is normal, you talk.about sin hunny that’s outdated sex and lust isn’t sinful, look at poly and swinging relationships
Hard no for me
My husband cheated for 6 months, lied to my face about it then “came clean” he expected me to forgive him… nope I filed for divorce
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Have y’all tried therapy?
It’s really not that simple. He broke the foundation of your marriage. If it’s been that long and you’re still struggling that much with it maybe it’s time. You resent him for what did. You can try counseling if you haven’t already, but even that may never help. You also need to remember if he got away with it once he’s very likely to do it again later down the road.
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Take your time before making any decision. You owe it to yourself and your children.
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You could make him leave for a good few months. Make him work even harder. If he does continue to prove himself, it may make you see he is still very much attracted to you. If not, you would have to make decisions.
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Deep breaths, and perhaps try to meditate and clear your heart. Until you can forgive him and yourself for caring so deeply. It’s not going to work. Try having dates and find your joy again. It won’t come over night, but you have to make peace with yourself for loving him.
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He destroyed your ability to trust him. He shattered his marriage vows. Your union is over. There is zero sin in you leaving or being with someone else. One marriage vow broken, forsaking all others, nullified your union. This marriage is over.
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If you choose to stay with him - you have to forgive him. And if you can’t you need to leave or it will be this back and forth the rest of your life. And you deserve peace and ease. Whatever you choose to do I hope it brings you happiness and peace to your life
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It’s never the same after someone cheats. Even if it isn’t physical cheating; you never feel the same again unfortunately.
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I know it’s hard I pray for you to find peace
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Get on your knees and pray. Ask God to help you to continue being the wife he crested you to be. You can fall in love again. The healing hurts worse than the wound, but it is complete freedom when you arrive and. There is obviously things to work on, but if you love him at all find forgiveness and FIGHT for your marriage. I speak from experience.
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Dr Ruth was right DENY, DENY, DENY
My husband knew his drinking was hurting me, but I did worse. He sort of figured it out before I told him. We were in our tenth year of marriage, with 4 kids. He had as many DWIs. So when I forced him into rehab, and our lease was up. His friend stepped up. Just paid rent, and he said Do you like it here? You know what I want. So, I thought wrong about it. Marriage was on shambles. We were separated. Long story short. He forgave me. We are celebrating our 37 the yr, this year. It was hard, but we said for better or worse, and love each other unconditionally. Was it hard? Hell yes it was. But one mistake is not worth throwing away a lifetime of happiness.
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Date each other fall in love again
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You have to do what is best for your family, whatever that may be. No one else’s opinion matters.
If you haven’t already, try counseling together. It may take up to a year, but you’re going to have to forgive at a certain level in order to move forward. It doesn’t mean you have to forget though.
Good luck to you as you have a long journey ahead but worth fighting for.
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Please listen to this guy he is amazing it will make you feel better
As a kid growing up with parents this happened to, it won’t be the same. My parents still think the other is cheating every other week. The thing with cheating is the trust that’s broken and once that’s gone it’s almost impossible to get back. It’s been over 20 years and it still impacts my family. Don’t think that keeping the family together is what’s best for your kids, you and him being the best parents separately can be what’s best for them. Don’t make your kids grow up dealing with this trauma because you can’t leave him. I’ll always wonder how different my life could have been if my parents found ways to be happy instead of just trying to keep the family together.
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Everyone is different. I stayed with my ex-husband for 6 years after he cheated but it just was never the same. I could have cared less if he did it again because it meant I would leave him. At the time I wanted him to stay, but once it happened, I was less in love with him as time went by. Went to a therapist too.
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If you ever truly loved him you can fall that much in love again. You were both virgins to each other you said. That’s why they tell kids to date a little before they settle down to one person. You were both in love and had a child and pregnant with another and some chic showed him some attention and he fell for it. He realized what he had at home and it sounds like he’s remorseful and wants it to work. If you’re not feeling it it’s surely going to be noticed by him and he may give up You need to decide whether you want to save your marriage or not because at the rate you’re going it won’t be long before one of you leaves. You won’t ever forget what happened but you can forgive him or not. It’s up to you at this point. I sure hope you can save it and love each other again and be able to celebrate 50 years together and post it on whatever social media that’s around then. God bless you and your family
You will never truly forgive him.just because he’s still there doesn’t mean u forgive him just means u want to make it work for the kids.once the trust is broken there is no way to fully trust him again.and cheating on him for revenge just makes it worse you will feel a little better but when he finds out he will be the one who can’t trust u then more problems and no trusting marriage isn’t good.
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I’ve been in this situation… except he didn’t care that he cheated, well he acted like it but then during arguments he would say that he cheated and it was my fault as I should have been nicer to him, after 2 years I literally got over the cheating and if he would have acted like you say your man is I would have stayed, unfortunately I ultimately decided to leave him cause he was a complete ass… so I say if he’s really trying and really remorseful I beehive you can get back to having a great relationship
You can’t. It’s never the same.
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Forgiveness is key.
The hard part is trust going forward.
You make the choice.
Trust may just have to come in time.
Praying for you all.
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As someone who went through this cheating situation from my husband I can tell you it takes time. But every day I thought about the situation no matter how nice he was trying to be. After about a year it came to where l really resented him for causing so much pain. Another year and I ask for a divorce. Not because I couldn’t forgive him but there was too much water under the bridge and he still chose to go after other women.So you need to figure out if you want to stay or get away. Don’t use the kids for an excuse. It will never be the same because the foundation to your marriage was broken.
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