You canāt force people to be a parentā¦ do what you need to do to take care of your babies. Let him be mad. He can call you whatever he wants but he canāt call you a bad mom
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to make my ex step up and be a dad? - Mamas Uncut
You cant make someone be something they are not.
You cant change a person
Youāve already got him on child support. Sadly you canāt convince or coerce a man to be a parent.
Keep doing what youāve been doing! F him!! You said heās a narcissist and thatās what they doš block his butt and keep it moving!
If he doesnāt have the intrinsic desire, it wonāt happen. It was modelled to me, now itās being done to me.
Your not going to be able to get him to step up. Men like that never do. So just get use to doing it on your own.
You cant love. Itās best just to forget about him and fill both roles until you find the right man
You canāt make him be good dad . Let him be baby bec he not getting his away . You just live your life and injoy your life and kids Do not run after him to be there . If you need to go out get good friend or babysitting.
You canāt make someone be a father or want to be involved. And from what he sounds like itās probably best he isnāt involved in your kids lives.
This is going to be hard to read but I was here myself and wanting and wishing the same as youā¦ you CANT make him do anything that includes being there for you and your children financially, physically, emotionally, all the above. Men like him see nothing wrong with their actions and want the world to feel bad for themā¦ thatās why heās lashing out on you for child support.
Leave him be. Stop begging for his presence. Raise your babies in peace and with love away from toxic bullshit it may be hard I know it is I have 2 kids and was in the same position you were begging my oldest sons father to be there. Once I stopped begging and I let goā¦ of the what IFs and the I wish this and that I was happier and so were my childrenā¦.
You can get assistance from Des with daycare FYI ā¦. That will help get back on your feet and get a job. Some women donāt even get child support and still have to do it on their own. Itās not right but unfortunately heās already showed you who he is.
You canāt make them. my ex has never been there for our son
So tell him that he can either stfu and pay child support for the kids that HE helped createā¦ Or he can sign his rights over.
Orā¦ Just ignore him. He will eventually give up on the fit throwing b
Look into assistance programs. Unfortunately you canāt change him.
DHSā¦. Will pay for daycare. Have you applied for food stamps? Do what you have to go get on your feet and fuck him!
You either be a father or step the down. I really canāt understand how anyone could be a deadbeat parent. I mean I will be the first one to say that when my first son was born I wasnāt the greatest father but you bet your ass I stepped up. My kids are everything to me and its not just my wifes job to raise them its also mine as well.
Donāt bother with him. He didnāt deserve you or them.
Took 7 years for my sonās dad to step up and it was 7 years off depression for my son. All you can do is what a strong mom does for their child and how the path leads you need to do what is best for the kiddo. I feel for you and I canāt answer straight and Iām being honest, but be strong and continue to be strong and the bigger person. Time will tell and that is the shitass part! Stay strong momma
You canāt force him and if you try to it could end badly for the children. Itās hard and will get harder, weāre built for it tho (my youngest was 5 when I met my husband) my daughter was 11 neither dad in the picture
Where theres a will theres a way. I was a single mom for 12 years worked went to school and all. Gotta let FITFO be your mottoā¦ Figure it the F out. It can be done. I promise
Wow! Putting your children first, well that speaks volumes. One day at a time. You do you and the kids. It may be a hard road but itās sounds like things are not going to change anytime soon. Wishing you the best.
Heās deflecting his anger at himself towards youā¦bless his narcissistic heart.
Sorry to say but, he wonāt step up. As a father he should want to help with his children. Iāve been a single parent since i was preg with our 2nd child. I tried to get him involved in kids lives but, never happened. I had to go thru CSA but, then he made it arkward n wasnt willing to payā¦Enjoy all the rewards your children give you. Like my 2, they have realised what there ādadā is like.xx
You canāt make him be a good dad but I would call your local dshs office and see if you qualify for childcare assistance they can help pay a majority of daycare costs depending on your income and you may have a small co pay. You should also apply for EBT as well and look into their job programs can be very helpful!
Unfortunately you canāt
Let him walk. Itāll be better for your kids than being exposed to a deadbeat that doesnāt want them.
Is it court mandated to pay yet?? Also, most states have assistance where they help with food stamps and child care. Good luck mama
Just get on with your life. Believe me you canāt do anything to make him be in your childrenās life if he doesnāt want to be
You canāt make him be a dad and yes he should help financially. Get assistance where you can and take care of those babies tou can do it. I raised my son all alone with no support. Itās hard but you will grow amd be a great mother. You can do it. Be confident and strong for yourself and your children. Chin up young lady you can do it.
You canāt make him do anything hun 
You cannot make man be father period
They have to want to
Unfortunately, besides child support, thereās really nothing else that he can be forced into.
You need to contact social services and see if you would qualify for child care assistance so you can workā¦
It takes both parents to support their offspring.
Iāve been a single mom beforeā¦ Itās hard as hell but I figured that shit out. Because no matter how bad I hurt, the world didnāt stop turning for me.
Itās gunna get a hell of alot harder than first then it will get easier.
And well if he doesnāt want a part of your childrens lives, his loss.
Donāt force him. BUT make it known to him that he can see and talk to yāalls kids at any time. (i say this because when the children get older they will see who made the effort) and who didnāt.
Iām in the same boat, I make him feel like shit and he steps up. Thatās horrible I know but it works for me anyways. Make sure he knows his kids miss him and they deserve a better father, donāt make you have to go find them a new one
You canāt make him do anything , cut him out and move forward
Also apply for rent assistance to help keep a roof over your head. He wonāt be a father til he find someone else then heāll rear his ugly head
You should claim child support but if heās isnāt paying get help with day care until you can start working look into the fair start act that was just passed 
ps you donāt want him their involved honestly I would file for full custody after six months of no contact that way if he gets a new girl friend who want to play house your kids donāt get dragged down with it ect
You left him because he was toxic yet you want your kids around him. Just do what you can
You can try like hell to get him to help but you canāt force someone to be a parentā¦ especially force him to actually be a dad. Is the child support court ordered? If it isnāt, Iād take him to court for it. Iād also apply for childcare assistance through the state as well. He will definitely be having to pay.
Thereās nothing you can do but enjoy the time you have with your children. Donāt waste their life on him.
Look into daycare assistance. All us single mommas had to start somewhere.
Good riddance. If he is as bad as you say why would you want your kids around him.
You canāt force him to help if he doesnāt want too unfortunately,
Apple for chips to pay child care . O ce approved go get a job and show him what your made of !
You cannot make him step up. Being in a similar position, its time to step up and accept your new life as a single momma.
It sounds like heās already on court mandated child support, which is good. Now look into assistance programs until you are back on your feet. Most states have child care assistance, rent assistance, food stamps ect.
If possible (I know its not for everyone) maybe reach out to family and/or friends to assist with child care.
You canāt make a man be a daddy just keep the door opened for him
Unfortunately, you cannot make him do the right thing. Iām in the same boat. Just keep doing what you need to do for those kids
Your kids are better off without him.
U canāt ā¦ just be a good mumā¦ donāt ring him donāt text him donāt ask him for anything! Get your mom pants on and focus on you and your children now own it!
You really didnāt mention your part in this, as in, are your actions preventing him from being a parent? More often than not, dadās donāt see their kids because the mother is a toxic control freak drama queen. Motherās are quick to call dadās deadbeats while theyāre doing everything in their power to keep the dadās away, all while getting that check. Children arenāt walking talking paychecks.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to make my ex step up and be a dad? - Mamas Uncut
Unfortunately all you can really do is get the child support he does give and some day youāll find a man that will love those kids like his own and take care of them better than he ever did. But just be careful on who you choose to bring into their lives. I understand you donāt have much time for dating, you donāt need a man to do this mama. I have two kids under 2 and if their father left tomorrow, I would 100% go get a job and daycare money from the state. Use ALL the state help they will give. Food stamps, money for daycare, housing if you need it. It is there for a reason I promise there is not a damn thing wrong with it. If you have a car there are some great jobs out there, if you donāt, start somewhere close for small pay, first thing, save for a car, and move up to a job you are happy at, pays good, and will take care of your babies. You got this. They will see who was really there for them! Good luck mama 
You canāt change him. Instead, focus your energy on improving your situation without him.
Unfortunately you canāt make him be a father
You donāt need to take that, I would cut all communication completely if he wonāt help you outā¦ thereās literally no point. Iām in the same boat, I eventually had to get an avo because the abuse didnāt stop. I get no support other then daycare. I had to cut habits out, budget and go from there. Best thing Iāve done is started studying a course the days my son is at daycare. So by the time his at school I have something to fall back on. Only worry about the things you can control
This is too common unfortunately and I really donāt have the answer. However you can contact your cyfd and ask about childcare assistance! Your state may or may not have it, but I used it in NM. I was making $45k a year and although i made too much for free childcare, I only had to pay $325 a month for two kiddos to go full time while I worked.
If you donāt even want to be around him, why would you want your kids to be. Knowing how he treated you, he will treat the kids the same way when you aināt there
you wont probably ever get more than child support. but you will have to go to work so you can make ends meet. you got this. you may have to apply for state assistance. but there are different programs to assist you.
He had a part in making those babies, he has a legal obligation to help financially support them.
If I were you, Iād tell him he doesnāt have to have anything to do with his children or you, the only thing is his legal obligation of child support, and that youāll handle it yourself.
Then go and seek help from friends, your community (neighbors for example) and even your family if you have a good relationship with them.
Itās gonna be hard and Iām really sorry you donāt have the support from the man who helped create your children, but in the endā¦ if he doesnāt want to be around, donāt force him. It doesnāt do you good to constantly fight with him, your children good to know when heās around he doesnāt want to be, or even him good to be around what he doesnāt want to be. Itāll only stress you out, make your children feel hurt and sad, and him even angrier (which only makes it worse for you and your babies).
Youāve got this momma, stay strong and push through.
Congratulations on leaving such a toxic relationship. You will thrive out of it and so will your children. Keep focusing on the 3 of you. Seek.legal advice regarding his behaviour. I wish you all the best x
Take it from me, they donāt change. At least youāre getting child support I donāt get a dime. Iām just glad to have the abuse out of my life. Try to get daycare assistance, and go from there. Iāve even had to work at Walmart to make ends meet but youāll have more peace of mind knowing you donāt have that piece of crap in your life
You can not make someone be a parent unfortunately. And idk where you live but Iām the United States there are programs through your state that will help pay for childcare based on income so you can work. And the tanf program that helped me get back on my feet as a single parent.
Most men ok now dontlikre child support but itās their kids allso
You canāt force people to do the right thingā¦to be honest, i wouldnāt want people who I personally donāt want to be around having much influence on my kids 
blood relation means nothing if they donāt care. Put time and energy into people who want to be there
There might be programs in the area that you live in that might be able to help
Please look into it
You canāt make him be a good dad. You should not even have to try . If he doesnāt want them do what you can to see he doesnāt have them cuz it doesnāt sound like he will be a good dad if he has to be a forced into it. He should want to be a great dad cuz there his kids. Doesnāt matter how the two of you feel about each other
If heās a narc just wait till he pops up with a new girlfriend ā¦ thatās when he will want the kids .
You canāt. Donāt stress yourself worrying about it be the best mom you can be to your kids. And take care of yourself too
Canāt make him. And let him know being put on CS was his own fault for not helping on his own. Even if he is broke, he can still pickup the child for a day sometimes to spend time w her. Momās appreciate that as it gives them time to catch up or rest. If he wants to miss out on his childās time and love thatās his loss but he needs to help out financially since she didnāt make that baby on her own! Daycare on its own can be $800 a month on top of rent utilities, vehicle/travel costs, food, diapers, phone, insurance etc! And advice to the ladies ā¦ if your man refuses to care for the kids he has w someone else, your kid w him isnāt any more special! As soon as he is bored w you & finds someone else, your kid w be forgotten too! If you know he has several kids that he does not see or pay for, donāt get pregnant by him!
So you left him bc you didnāt want your kids around him, now you do?
You said yourself you didnāt want your son around the abuse so be glad heās not. I escaped an abusive narcissist and believe me they do not change. Be glad yāall are free of him.
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I mean, you canāt force him to be a dad. I would take that stress away. Can you get state assistant for daycare? Do not depend on CS. He can easily start working under the table and you not receive anything.
You canāt make a man do anything
There are usually child care assistance so your best bet is to look into that and get a job, you canāt live on child support which is why heās probably thinking you are taking advantage of him. I know it isnāt fair, but motherās got to do what they got to do.
You will learn that your work life canāt depend on him and youāll find another way u canāt make them step up but they can be financially responsible
Go to Dhhr apply for child care food card. HUD so you can work
You donāt you let them fuck up, its not worth your stress or the taking away from your child stressed about them. The child will know who is there 100% in every way. In the mean time chikd supportā¦ unless you could careless about it.
Go to your local YMCA. They have child care assistance to help you with their daycare. Find a job. Download the parenting app AppClose and tell him you will be blocking his number and he can communicate only through that app and about the kids. Do not take him off of child support. He can die mad about it. Stop thinking heād ever going to be involved and work on being the best mommy you can be.
Why can you not go back to work? Have you called your state for childcare help, have you gone to the courts for help with child support if itās not enough. I was a single mom for many years, I received 37.50 a month in child support and guess what! I worked and provided for my family. There are plenty of programs to help you get on your feet. Forget the past and put your big girl pants on and do what you have to do!
Let him go, your kids are better off
The only solution to your problem is getting a job. Im Alabama we have a jobs program. Check your state. They help you will daycare so you can get on your feet.
You canāt make anyone do anything they arenāt willing to do love. But there is plenty assistance out there! Housing, food, insurance, and day care assistance is provided by the government to help women and men in situations like these. Start by googling your state and foodstamps and that should lead you to your stateās government assistance website. Personally, I would call. If you do they can sign you up for all the assistance you need. You will have to provide documentation of bills and statements regarding who all is living with you so be prepared for that. If you need any help, please reach out to me! I dont mind helping you find the resources you need at allā¤ you got this momma!
Feel this 
, minus the child support issue. It doesnāt get easier or better. Iāve been divorced for 5 years and heās still crap. Iām sure he tells his family that āyou wonāt let him see themā though, right? Sorry youāre dealing with this too.
You want his help so you can work but you donāt want your son around him? Iām sorry, just a little confused. Could you not apply for daycare subsidy?
Well seeing as how you ācant work because of the kidsā, which is a lame excuse, there are programs out there rhat can help you. Get to calling, ask, reach out,start applyibg for jobs. Start with the state. Time to step up and be a mama and help support the kids you both created. He is paying child support so thats a great start. Unfortunately you CANT force him to step up.
When thereās a will thereās a way. Be creative & resourceful. There are plenty of options for working & childcare. Many ppl have been in your position & found a way.
You did what you had to with child support. Honestly there is nothing you can do to make him step up. Heās going to have to want to do it and right now he rather be selfish. I wouldnāt even talk to him unless itās about the kids. I know itās hard but you made the right decision leaving him. You can look into getting help from the state for day care so you can work and other things that will help you ease your financial burden. I hope things start getting better for you
Iām glad Iām did chase my ex I rather be a single parent with out the dads help
My sons dad moved to cali we live in Ohio he has the 3rd weekend of every month 6 to 6p the first week of June July and August we divorced in 2014 he my son was being picked up every summer until 2 years ago when his grandma passed away his dad hasnāt even called him sinceā¦
My daughters dad donāt come around either but his girlfriend does she comes and picks my kids up takes them to lunch shopping what every they want to doā¦
Donāt be bitter if tht man wants to be there let him bc id beg and plead and mine still wouldnāt do what it is they should is stead my sons dad asked me to put my baby on a plain alone and send him no sir if u want ur child u will shoe up and pick up just as ur paper state
You seriously want him spending time with your kids? Youāve got to give your head a shake.
Time to buck up and be prepared to raise the kids on your own. I got sole custody and my ex had zero access. My kids were 2 and 6 yrs old and I was recovering from breast cancer.
Get back to workā itās time.
I know how you feel. I raised my kids all their lives still am 4 of them by myself with no help from dads either. It can be done. If there is a will there is a way. There are times I worked 3 jobs at once to support us and keep us afloat. There are job programs, child care vouchers, food banks, township trustees, you gotta do what you gotta do love and keep pushing forward.
You canāt āmake him step upā.
Thatās a choice on his part.
Youāre a single parent. Wrap your head around that and move on.
You canāt work because you have children???
Stop it. That mind frame will hold you back your entire life.
Millions of parents do it every single day!!
He is toxic, abusive and narcissistic and yet, you still chose to have children with him.
You are not a victim. Figure it out.
Shan Wilson she said he was abusive, narcissistic and toxicā¦she left because she didnāt want their children (primarily her 4 yr old son) around itā¦ Iād be questioning why she would even want his help or want him around the children at all if thatās what he did upnfront of them. And 2 he offered no help not even financially for 4 months. How can any parent NOT provide financially at all whether they see their children or notā¦but worse, how can a parent complain about having to help provide financially for their children. Shouldnāt it bring you comfort knowing your children are being provided for?.. I highly doubt sheās going to go through with wasting her time making an anonymous posts making these claims if she infact was preventing him from being a father. Oh and lastly, pretty sure this page/group name says Mamas Uncut and from what it sounds like you are not a Mama 
You canāt make anyone step up and be a dad or momā¦
The fact you want an abusive man to watch your children so you can work is wrong!! He could hurt those kids
Put the child to school a free pre-K go to a daycare and see if you can get work and your child should be able to go for scholarship for free.
Also some counties have a program weāre starting six months they will pay for daycare for your child itās a partnership for children type thing.
As the mom no excuse. You canāt blame the man for you not being able to work.
Also after that you cloud try to get on in the school system that way your out of work when the oldest one isā¦ for the most part.
We cannot force anyone to be a good parent and frankly if he was horrible to you causing you to leave, and now is acting as though he doesnāt want to be a part of his kids lives why on earth would you want to force it?
This sound very similar to my parents story. My mom forced my dad to do the parenting thing (through court) and it was incredibly damaging to me and my siblings - we grew up in so much trauma. Your ex is telling you he doesnāt want this, please do not subject your kids to a parent that doesnāt want to be one. If I were you Iād forget about him and focus on you and the kids. There are more āwork from homeā jobs now than ever. I know it feels impossible but it isnāt. Start by changing your mind frame to a positive one - you are a strong momma, you are the one those precious babies look to for guidance. You can do this!!!
Doesnāt sound like someone that should be around your kids. The hard part about this is you canāt get daycare assistance if youāre not working and you canāt work unless you get daycare assistance.
Apply for whatever programs you can to get back to work and in my case I had to pay out of pocket for daycare until my assistance application was approved but I was able to do it on my own.
If heās paying child support but doesnāt want to be around the kids then itās probably for the best and that may be all you ever get out of him.
When he wants to be a father he will, not much you can do for a man that doesnāt care about his children. You being there for your kids is what they need right now!
Embrace your inner Elsa- let that a$$ go!
You & the kids are better off alone, itās tough but you will make it- let the state do its job & keep records of his abusive language towards you!