I’ve been with my daughters father for four years. Before my pregnancy he always seemed to have a problem creating & following boundaries with other women. After I had our daughter he cheated on me for two years, got another woman outside of both of us pregnant & lived with the woman he cheated on me with. He says he only cheated for those two years when we were “off” as opposed to when we were on & good. He’s very inconsistent plays the make up break up game. I didn’t know about her until about a year and a half because she messaged me to tell me he had hit her. Come to find out he brought her around all his family while him and I were very much together.
For the past 9 months he’s been faithful to our family. I am grateful. But now I can not get passed the cheating & lies that went on for TWO years. He thinks I am being resentful, insecure and immature for not being able to move past the infidelity and feels as if the past 9 months have been a waste since I am still not fully trusting him.
Am I wrong for wanting to walk away despite his loyalty to us now? What would you mamas do?
Please be kind
He’s toxic and he’s not gonna change. Sorry.
Walk away, baby girl. You are worth so much more than that. Set a good example for your daughter.
I’ve been in a similar situation and I left him 4 years ago and I’ve been much happier since you gotta know your worth this is just the beginning the longer you stay the worse it’ll get.
Loyal to you now???
How can you be so sure
gaslighting! Throw him away
If you can’t get your mind off of it, then you shouldn’t be with him. You shouldn’t have to sit here everyday and think “what if?” The moment he walks out the door, you shouldn’t have to sit and wonder if he sends a text saying he will be late. It’s not worth the stress weighing on your heart and mind, and if he is making comments about you being resentful it’s fully right. You have a right to be, for 2 years he cheated and he is acting like it’s dirt under the rug. You can’t just fix trust over night, if he has an issue waiting till you’re ready to move on from it. He can either cha cha slide out the door or stay and keep showing he has change.
Walk away hun i wish i would of listen to ppl bout my x
This sounds just like my own story with my ex husband. Sweetie, you need to run! You’ll never make peace with what he did. It’ll always be in the back of your mind. Things will never be right. I finally left and have found a wonder Man who worships the ground I walk on! You can find that too! Good luck to you!
Once a cheat always a cheat get rid your worth more than that
Why would u stay with someone that doesnt love u
Sraying together for a child is so wrong
No one deserves to be treated like that. He is manipulating your feelings when you have every right to feel the way you do
Yeah… He’s just with you cuz It’s convenient for him right now. When he thinks “a better opportunity” comes along, he’ll be out the door faster than you can blink.
I would have walked away right after finding out about his infidelity.
Once a cheater always a cheater
The trust is broken you will always have that doubt and insecurities
Fuck him of
If you have to question it, the answer is probably no. You deserve better, I would most definitely leave.
I think the wrong was taking him back…
For your own wellbeing. I would walk away. You have to if you want peace…
Walk away. I can honestly tell you that you will heal. You will forgive but you will not forget. Dont put yourself through it…its really not worth the heartache it will cause
What’s taking you so long
If he did it once he will do it again. I learnt that the very very hard way and uptil today it still hurts alot. I dnt blame u and ur trust issues sweetheart. My past did the same to me and even today im married bt i WILL NEVER trust a man completely EVER IN MY LIFE.
Hell NO you’re not wrong!!! And for him to once again flip this on you and your behavior speaks volume of his immaturity and lack of growing!!! Tell him to kick rocks and you’ll see him in court for custody and support!!! And his family is just as awful as he is. To knowingly allow another woman around, and not hold him accountable for his wife(you) shows their just as worthless and I wouldn’t want my kid around them either. And you will always wonder if he’s cheating, that’s not fair to your mental state. And you don’t want your daughter thinking this is how a man treats his wife.
Walk away,I’ve been there,besides the mental and emotional abuse of the unfaithfulness,if he hit the other woman he will hit you,trust me, remember you have your daughter watching ,and children learn by example ,you don’t want her to learn it to k for a man to treat her that way now do you,no didn’t think you did, praying for you and your daughter
It’s the hardest thing you will ever do, but it’s not impossible. Walk away.
So you didn’t know he cheated for two years till a year ago but believe hes been faithful for nine months. Wow, leave.
If you have to ask …or question your happiness, follow your instinct
I would definitely leave.
Yeah it’s been time to GO!
Have some respect for your self honey and leave
No u are not wrong. Once that trust is broken it’s hard to get back. My husband cheated lied and left claiming he was unhappy but he preferred to b with thevother. Not to mention she had gotten pregnant. He still continued to come around telling me and his family for the longest time that he was coming back but lil things and actions said otherwise and in the long run he blamed me for not coming back cuz of certain things thst I couldn’t get over and deal with but nm the reasons and the shit he was doin to make me feel that way. While he was filling my head and everyone else’s in thet hr was coming back he had already proposed to her. We are still married I refuse to file cuz j dnt believe in divorce. He hasn’t filed either hut hss filled out several sets. Even tho I’d told him many time b done with it and to leave me alone about certain things even now he continues to try me. Knowing that I know more truth about his actions thanks to his gf running her mouth about the stuff wen there was no reason to bring it up other than to cause problems. It’s hard to let go and move on wen sumone keeps giving u reason then tells u ur to blame for the hell u went thru cuz u woukdnt let ho but they’re the ones who wouldn’t stay away
He’d have been gone a LONG time ago in my life, but you do what’s right for you. Just know that “once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater!!
You have to forgive. If you can’t move on.
Leave honey…especially if he hit her, only a matter of time before he hits you…
You’re never going to be truly happy with him again. Because you’re always going to wonder if he’s doing it again. You need to move on with your life, no matter how hard it may be for a bit.
I’m sorry but…fool me once, shame on him. Fool me twice, Shane on me. Get out now. This guy is a toxic POS.
You need to hear this… it may be rude… but… you’re being a dumb woman! No woman needs to stay with a man like that and whatever reason you’re creating in your head is bullshit. Trust me. I did it for TEN years. Looking back I now that I am in a healthy happy amazing truly faithful relationship I can’t believe how stupid I was for that long. Before you know it your gonna be at ten years sis! Ten years you’ll never get back and forever regret!
I would get out as fast as possible, because if he cheated for two years, chances are he hasn’t been for 9 months…do what’s best for you child and yourself…
Nope! Run.Fast. Better do it soon before that’s what your daughter thinks love looks like! Lying, manipulating, woman abusing cheater? The worst of the worst!!
Nope, you’re not. Your instincts are telling you something. Usually good idea to figure a way to listen and act on what they’re saying.
Actions have consequences. His actions equal the consequence of your (rightful) mistrust and walking away…
It’s not once a cheater always a cheater. People DO change. But unfortunately for your situation I don’t think he will. He doesn’t love you. If it doesn’t tear him up inside over what he did to you… he doesn’t truly care. Walk away.
Please get help with self esteem. Why would you have a child with a man who habitually cheats on you?
Say “bye, bitch”. Lol, if he did it once, he’ll do it again. He did it for like half of your relationship!!!
You are worth so much more! Leave him!
if you don’t plan to forgive him then why be with him ? your wasting your time sis
You deserve so much better, as do your children.
Maybe he is just hiding it better now, run for the hills sis
Leave why even go back I don’t get it he’s an abusive cheating asshole plus if the family didn’t come to you smh nope and now you have a kid that you need to teach what is and isn’t acceptable to tolerate
First of all trust takes time … second you can always forgive but you will never forget …but you are also the one that agreed to move past this so now you tell him time will heal all wounds but trust is not something that will heal over night that if he cant handle how you feel then he needs to move on
Walk away. It will never be the same again and you will always feel this way. And I’m sorry to say but he sounds like a complete pos, and now instead of doing things to help the situation and regain your trust he’s blaming you for not being able to get past it ?? And his family met her? Wtf… and he hit this other woman let us not forget that tid but. No one wants to break their family up but I promise you one day you’ll meet someone else who knows your worth and be better off. If that doesn’t make you want to leave, think about your daughter. Do you want a man like that around her? Do you want her to think it’s okay for men to treat women this way? I think not.
I’d leave him. He didn’t care about hurting you while he slept with those other women.
If you can’t 100% forgive then baby you owe it to all 3 of you to go. Trust is very delicate, and hard to repair. Bless your heart baby! I hope the best for you and yours.
Think of your daughter. Is he the man you want to example how women should be treated? Walk away, your kid and you deserve much better.
I’d leave. Shit, I wouldn’t have taken him back! The relationship isn’t healthy, the trust will never be the same. If there’s no trust, there’s nothing. It will be a vicious cycle. Spare yourself the mental anguish and move on. Your children deserve a happy mom!
you should have walked away a long time ago
Please leave hunny, you don’t deserve that kind of inconsistency, your better then that!! Stop wasting your time. I’m 100% sure you’ll do better with someone else. Know your worth.
If he was good at hiding the lies in the beginning, he could very well be hiding them now. I learned with my ex that when they get caught, they just learn to hide them better. I honestly do not think that you are wrong for it. But I honestly would think long and hard about it, make sure it is what you really want. A broken heart sucks, But being alone while your with and/or married to someone is way worse. Trust me, I know.
U can do better. Walk away. Once a cheat always one
Your own questioning should tell you your answer.
Its hard to walk away. So saying so isnt what ill say. What do you want. Do you want to waste more time with him? Where do you see yourself in 6 months? A year? Are you confident enough to move ahead.? You deserve better. More. Best wishes to you
If you have value and respect for your self and daughter then cut him loose. If you don’t then good luck
What r u waiting for. Leave
Don’t waste more of ur time, find someone better! A leopard never changes it’s spots…
It’s easy for people to tell you to leave, but they will never know your situation. Stay, but you WILL have to forgive him and move past it. If he doesn’t understand your distrust comes from HURT and the insecurities come from HIS actions, then HE still has some growing up to do! But once he sees that you have truly forgiven him and that you can and will love him through something this HARD, he will do one of two things… He will become the MAN you need him to be, or he will see you love as weakness, and cheat again.
I pray that he will become the man that you deserve (as my husband did after I stopped holding his infidelity over his head). However, if he cheats again, you HAVE to walk away. Even if it’s just for a while. Allow him to realize that he gave up a good woman, who loved him through the toughest time. Then he will come back with a loyal heart. If not, it wasn’t meant to be.
Let me just say this. If you go back again, you will lose friends, people will judge you and say mean things like “you are stupid for going back” or “you deserve to get hurt”! Don’t listen to people like that! You deserve to follow your heart!! You deserve to be happy! You deserve the PEACE OF MIND that comes with KNOWING you did everything you could to preserve your relationship! ONLY YOU will know when it’s time to walk away!!
I am so happy that I chose to stick it out when my husband went through this phase! Good luck! Be strong! Follow your heart, no matter what others say!! Don’t let anyone convince you to do something you may regret later…
I’d walk away. I wouldn’t have taken him back in the first place. You deserve better and so do your children. He can go fuck himself if he can’t accept that you haven’t forgiven him yet but honestly he cheated on you and lied to you about it and hit another woman. What makes you think he won’t hit you? Or your kids? Nope, I’d kick him the fuck out. Bye abusive relationship
You only have one kid with him . Run away don’t walk run ! Forget him
He is wrong. If he can cheat for two years he cannot expect you to be over it in 9 months
Walk away. If you aren’t ready to walk away and he’s willing to put in the work, I highly suggest both of you reading “The Truth About Men” by DeVon Franklin.
He’ll cheat again and blame you because you “pushed him to it by not trusting him”
He was having a relationship on the side for 2 years? 9 months “clean” doesn’t mean he’s a changed man or now loyal. More like he’s in sleep mode. Cheating is the most disrespectful thing bc it can never repair, and can happen again - some would never tolerate or accept it including myself. Trust your gut. It’s ok to not be okay with it. Sometimes we have to make tough choices for our own mental health and self respect. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting out in a situation like this.
Get out. You aren’t the only one responsible for the relationship being “off” that’s called an excuse somehow trying to make you feel back that he’s the one who messed up. He chose to live this life and use all that energy to create and give life to this other person and relationship. He truly didn’t care about you. It was all about him. If you don’t want your child to witness the pain and disrespect is to get out. Sadly chances are he’s already got one or 2 side ladies just a text or call away. If you are thinking it’s time to move on don’t doubt your instincts.
Forgiving but not forgetting. Seems like your mind is just not there anymore. Time to move on because the past will just continue to eat at you.
I was with my ex for 8years and we had 2 children. I kept telling myself the last time would be the last time, but it never was. I finally left 2 years ago and haven’t looked back: it was the best decision I ever made for me and my kids. I’m kind of upset I wasted so much time staying. I’m happier, relaxed, met my husband and couldn’t be even more blessed. My ex to this day cheats on his new girlfriend. I’m sorry but once a cheater always a cheater in my opinion.
Kick him to the curb–you can do better–he’s not worth it
Sounds like a relationship I was in. He will cheat again and again. Please do what is right for you and your child. A Zebra never changes his stripes. Real talk. Deep down you will never get passed this to trust him .
Make a plan, allow your love to die, then walk away in confidence and do not look back… No anger, no revenge, just be done
He has a lot of nerve calling you immature and resentful! It’s only been 9 months and he did cheat on you for 2 years and get another woman pregnant then move in with her! Trust takes time to build especially after something like that,if you can ever fully trust him again afterwards. I’d walk away. He hid it for almost 2 years. His family disrespected you by knowing and not saying a word and allowing her to be around them. And so did he by thinking so little of you and doing that on top of cheating on you.
It’s hard to get over that trust me I know my soon to be ex husband starting cheating on me two months after we got married I found out that nov even tho I knew something was up for months confronted him about it he admitted to it left me to be with her got her pregnant came back saying he wanted to work things out and I was the one he was meant to be with went to marriage counseling and he did it again with the same woman left me again to be with her I have since filed for divorce cause I know I deserve so much better
It was hard to trust him when he came back I questioned everything he did
Walk away cause u deserve so much better then be treated like that
He disrespected you and the family he created with you by doing what he did. You are setting the standard your kids will live by, be a good example and teach them that his behavior is unacceptable.
If you cannot forgive and forget, it’s not being immature, it means your hurt and you know your worth.
Tell him to get gone and don’t come back. He’ll repeat the behavior knowing you’ll take him back every time. Don’t allow it to happen.
Once a cheater always a cheater
Uhm he’s abusive? Hope he’s never hit you or hurt your daughter!!
&If his whole family knew he was bringing her around with their child and never bothered to tell you knowing you two were still together? Kinda weird that none of them asked him why is she around and not you and your baby… If you can’t trust him maybe it would be better for your mental health to take a step back and take time for yourself to recover from all the lies?
Very hard situation because once a cheater always a cheater you have a family with him and strong feelings for him follow your cot the fact that he hurt you and betrayed your trust is very hard to get back what you had in your relationship give him one more chance but if he hurts you again leave him and don’t look back because you don’t deserve that focus on you the children that is more important than a man who can’t be faithful protect your heart and your peace of mind good luck.
He caused the feelings you have and it’s his job to make them go away by proving to you that you can trust him no matter how long it takes. If he really loves you he will be patient and understand. I agree tho that cheaters don’t change
Once a cheater always a cheater. RUN,RUN RUN.
Dump him. He’s a manipulator
Leave. He’ll never change
Your trust is gone. Once the trust in a relationship is gone then so is the relationship. You will never be happy with this person. Move on and find someone that will appreciate you. Once a cheater always a cheater.
Noway the cheating twat throw him to the curb he most probably still cheating and is saying your immureture to cover his lying cheating ass
No you’re no dumb . I don’t know how you do it. I’m easy to work with however cheating is a deal breaker for me . Can’t do it . I refuse to made a fool of and by him cheating on you he has placed somebody above you , you are no longer the best and this botch has something over you . Fck all that . You’re to good for that .
Hun let me ask you this. Is he the type of man you’d want your baby girl to be with? Do you want your daughter to grow thinking that every man will hurt her? Or do you want her to grow up and become independent and never rely on a man for anything. Do you want her to see that its okay for a man to treat a woman like that and its okay to forgive a man that has hurt her or that if a man hurts her mentally and physically. She can walk away. Its tough having a child involved. My sons dad physically and mentally abused me he never cheated physically but was always watching porn. I always told myself that I would suffer through it for my baby and then cps got involved and told me I had to choose him or my son I chose my son and its was hard. But I realized I didn’t want him to grow up and hurt woman like his dad. Your strong. So ask yourself those questions and make your decision.
Leave him… you’ll feel better
Get out and put yourself 1st . Your only here once.
I am struggling with the same thing, but in my case it was a one off. I still suffer with the insecurities and doubts when it comes to trusting him, and rightfully so.
Would have been gone, love. Youre not in the wrong at all.
Move on quickly and never look back