How to navigate family drama during engagement?

I am newly engaged to my fiance. We have been together for about 5 years.

I am having a hard time with wedding decisions already.
Of course, family drama.
I have almost no relationship with my dad’s side of family. They are all drama lovers & have been out to get me since I was a child. I am totally the black sheep on that side. I have seen them once in maybe the last 3/4 years. They all know about my engagement, and haven’t bothered to reach out with a congratulations. My dad’s side is very close minded, stuck in their ways, and all know it all’s. They think they’re better than everyone else. I have a hard time surrounding myself with them (comfortably). Should I invite them to my wedding because they’re my dad’s family? I feel like if there is ever a chance of a restart for us, that would be gone with no invite. I’m so torn on what to do. Any advice on what you all did who have tons of family drama?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to navigate family drama during engagement?

If you feel you want a restart then reach out now. Talk things over. Will make the decision a lot easier depending on how that goes

If you know they are drama, and you invite them to your wedding, they will bring the drama with them.

It’s your day to be happy, don’t let them ruin it. They may be family, but toxic is toxic.

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Google the wedding invitation flow chart.
Makes decisions easy

I was in this exact same scenario!!! However I did invite one of my dads sisters that I somewhat kept intouch with . It’s was fine :relieved:

Invite them. If they don’t show up then just stay away from them. Your not loosing anything.

Do you want them there ?
It’s a yes or no question on your part
If you do … invite them if you don’t then don’t

Sounds like you want the drama if you’re even considering it

If you wouldn’t invite them to other get togethers such as holidays or birthdays then I wouldn’t invite them to the wedding. If their constantly starting drama then a weddings a perfect place to do it

There is already drama and if you think there will be at your wedding then no don’t, if that ends y’alls relatiomships then they don’t deserve you.
It’s your days to be happy not dealing with family drama.

Won’t your Dad be upset if you exclude them?
I say invite them. I suspect many of them will decline to come with some excuse.
This makes you the “good one” that did the right thing.

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If the ain’t payin don’t invite, YOUR WEDDING YOUR DAY SCREW EVERYONE ELSE!!! I HAVE SEVERAL FAMILY MEMBERS WEDDINGS I WASNT INVITED TO, DIDNT HURT MY FEELINGS.

That’s why I eloped lol

It’s your wedding don’t let yourself be burdened, or your memory of this special day be soiled at all by people you don’t want around.

Honestly life is too short to consider people who don’t consider you. We’re not supposed to live our lives like that. Also congratulations

First step of what you’re gonna do is stop with the whole “they are out to get me”. No one likes the victim look. And yes I can say this because 1. I don’t know anyone on my dads side. 2. Most the people on my moms side think I am the “devil”. It is their issue, not yours. If you can’t just pick up the phone and talk to them on any given day, why would you even consider inviting them to your wedding? If they think you are the bad person, let them think that. Again, that’s not your issue, it’s theirs. Cut them off for good.

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If it’s even having to be considered, it’s probably a no don’t invite them.

Do u want them in your wedding?

Seriously, how are these even questions??? Why can’t anyone think? If people treat you terribly or whatever, they don’t care about you. Why would you invite them to the wedding? That’s a complete waste of money. Money you could possibly put towards a house or something you need. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Absolutely not. I’m sorry but if they like to start drama then that’s a no for me. Don’t waste your time or energy with them. Its about you not them…

Do. Not. Invite. Them. You don’t want any added drama on the best day of your life! Surround yourself with your LOVED ones!

Invite them to the wedding but not the reception.

Nah that’s your day, you don’t need to be worrying about how they’re going to be on your special day

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Why invite people you do not like to your day? Why pay to feed them? Why waste time or energy on them. Family is what you make it. Just because they share blood doesn’t make them family.

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Your wedding, your day. Do not invite them. Surround yourself with people who care, love, and support you and your husband.

I didn’t invite anyone I didn’t want there. It’s your wedding. Who cares if they get upset?

Toxic is toxic. You don’t deal with their crap on a regular basis why would you in its them to create drama on your special day

Why would you want people who start drama at your wedding?? Its your big day. You dont want it to be ruined by snobby dramatic people there. And like you said, you havent seen them in years, why invite them.

Go to the court house and get married there then u wont have to worry about this and that .

Just have a very small wedding. Then host a reception at some other time where you can have something fun, at a fun place and invite everyone.

Weddings are a celebration of love and joy. They are meant to have your closest and dearest family and loved ones around you to celebrate your nuptials and help support you on the beginning of your marriage journey. I’ve been a planner for over 35 years and best to keep the drama at bay and only invite those who you’re close with and will support your marriage during your lifetime. It’s really not about the party and more about the two of you becoming one. If you think of it that way, then look at your guest list with this in mind and invite accordingly. Also, smaller weddings tend to be more intimate and you’ll remember every moment of the day with less drama. It’s your day! Invite those who will see it as just that.

Elope and have the wedding and honeymoon all in one. Then you can just enjoy your special day.

Just because they are family doesnt mean they have to go. The people that support and agree with your marriage go.

If you really want to fix things do a BBQ or something invite everyone then see if that all goes to hell, if it goes well then invite them to your wedding :woman_shrugging:t2: in my opinion a special event is not the time to fix things though

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Nope I wouldn’t. For my wedding I didn’t invite his side, hell I invited my dad and he didn’t show. So it all worked out. Only invite the people you really want there.

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I know it is “your day” but you are celebrating the joining of families. Send the invite so you won’t be the “bad person”. They can choose not to go if they have issues with you. Best of luck :four_leaf_clover:

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No. Only invite people you have a relationship with. Wedding don’t mend relationships. And ones that are strained often get worse. If they cared about you they’d be happy for you and have congratulated you

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Nope I wouldn’t. Ur wedding day is YOUR day to be happy and celebrate. I’d keep his side of family out of it. U don’t want ur special day being ruined with drama and BS

The wedding is all about you and your fiance. It’s not about what you’re family wants. If they don’t like it… Oh well

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Nope. Your wedding should be one of the best days of your life. Don’t risk it being ruined by ppl who honestly don’t care. Don’t invite them

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No… they sound exhausing lol

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Do a small wedding and invite whom ever your and your future hubby are comfortable with coming. After all it is y’alls day. Don’t ruin it with pissy people

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Don’t invite them if they don’t care. A wedding day should be filled with love and encouragement. Not drama. Enjoy your day and don’t worry about those who think of you as the black sheep.

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Just be prepared for the drama if you do. But my honest opinion… this day is all about you, not them. And it already sounds like they have made the decision for you years ago, when you became the blank sheep. Good luck!

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I wouldn’t they burned that bridge a long time ago.

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No. Weddings are meant to celebrate love. Why invite anyone who brings your down.

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No don’t invite them.

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Invite them if they come they come if they don’t that’s ok too. Now if they always cause havoc I wouldn’t invite them this is a happy moment for you.

Have a small wedding with only a few people closest to you then have a dinner or party at a different time for everyone else

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It’s your day. Don’t invite them

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Nope. Only invite people who love you and your fiance. If there was ever a chance of them reaching out to fix things it probably would’ve been before now.

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If you love drama and regret, you should totally invite them! Leopards definitely change their spots! :leopard:

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It’s your day as a couple. I’d only invite people I wanted there. Let them feel however they want about it.

Do not invite them, your wedding day is about you. It seems to me if you were to invite them you’d be more miserable the closer your wedding got. Don’t for one moment feel guilty for not inviting them to your wedding. Better yet don’t invite them into your life.

I did not extend an invitation to anyone I had not spent time with (spoken to if they lived out of state) in the last year… if they don’t make time for you don’t stress yourself out for surrounding yourself with those who are down FOR YOU

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Feels like you already know the answer.
You have no contact
They don’t care for you
And will cause drama

So why have them there? Just because they’re family doesn’t mean they have to be invited…toxic is toxic whether they’re blood or not

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It’s your wedding invite people and family who matter to you and bring you joy. Deal with the drama another day.

Invite them and give them the chance to prove themselves…and when they dont show up thats your invite and litteral evidence to show you that you dont need to ever invite them to anything again, and your dad has no right to ever complain about it when that happens…

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Nope! They don’t treat you with respect because it is your dads side…….

most of my moms side of the family is that way, it has been blatantly obvious since I was a kid that we are ‘less than’ because my mom didn’t marry into money like the rest of the broads did… I chose to have absolutely nothing to do with that side of my family. Inviting them to my wedding never even crossed my mind and I don’t regret it :woman_shrugging: If they dont like seeing you eat, they dont deserve a seat at your table babe.

Unfortunately there is some type of drama in most families. But, this is your day. Think about what may happen or what may be said. What damage may be caused to relationships by not inviting them. It’s a lot to think about. Can you talk to your dad about how you feel and your concerns? Could he be a mediary for you with his side? This is one day you don’t want to have any bad memories created. Good luck with your decision. Congratulations on your engagement.

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It’s your wedding; your day and ‘you’ do what makes YOU happy … end of story

Don’t entertain drama

You should only invite people that care for you and your fiancé. That is if you want a beautiful and peaceful wedding

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Elope and tell them later only invite people who are interested in your happiness

Have your dad explain to them that its going to be a small wedding so you had to limit the guest list. They’ll probably be relieved.

It’s your day do what makes you happy and invite who makes you happy

It’s your day not your dads. If you don’t get along with them don’t have them there.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to navigate family drama during engagement?

Your wedding. Your party. Don’t invite them. It’s your day.

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Weddings are supposed to be a good time about you and your partner. They are obviously not apart of your lives and if all they do is judge and cause drama, why would you want that at your wedding? You don’t have to have anyone there you don’t want to be there for whatever reason you feel like. Your wedding is about you and your partner, nothing and no one else. If you want to connect with them, have a dinner or something without risking potential disaster on a memorable un-re-doable occasion.

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Man fuck that! That is a day to celebrate your future and your union with your husband. Not to try and reconcile differences with family that you barley speak to! That day is already a stressful day, don’t add to it. Invite people that you are comfortable with people who will celebrate and respect your day!

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Invite the people who you love to be around. The people that make you happy. You could always invite them to the ceremony and not the reception. Just say that you’re limited for numbers and keep the reception for close friends and family.
There can be enough go awry in weddings without the drama. You don’t want the biggest day of your life to be clouded with drama, stress and ultimately resentment.

Definitely not, I’m not close to most of my aunts or uncles on both sides, they won’t be invited because it’s going to be my day so I should atleast be comfortable with it, so you make sure you do what is going to be best for you and yours on your big day

I most definitely would not its your day just because they are “family” doesn’t truly make them family i would invite the people you are comfortable with the people that check up on you and are in your life constantly not the fake people that think just because they are blood it makes them your family

I wouldn’t invite them if it was me, its your wedding its you and your spouses happy day if you know they are just going to be negative and make the event feel less happy they don’t deserve to be there. Don’t invite them

Your wedding day is supposed to be love and joy and being surrounded by people who love you and your spouse. If it causes toxic drama, nope do not invite. I did the same thing. And our wedding day was full of love and laughter

I agree don’t invite. Perhaps maybe have a dads side only celebration… small gathering only at a public place so you and your significant other can leave if it gets unbearable. If you use a restaurant… make sure everyone understands what’s paid for and what’s not (might cause hard feelings if they don’t like you setting limits) but might be easier for you in the long run

That’s a hard no. You need to be surrounded by your CLOSE friends and family. If they had wanted a relationship it would have already happened. You will only be inviting problems on a day you want to run smoothly. I have a HUGE family and knew it would cause a war if I didn’t invite all of them, so I didn’t invite any of them except my immediate family, (parents, siblings and their offspring), and Godparents and a literal handful of friends. The final headcount was 32 people invited in total. Even w/ that small a group, we had our drama, but it was minimal. The more people there, they more potential for drama between them. You don’t need that on your wedding day. Remember to KISS your wedding day, as in Keep It Simple, Sweetheart. You will have a much better wedding. I promise.

I hadn’t spoke to my dad for a decade before I married. I invited him and his wife and my 2 half sisters but not extended family. It was pretty drama free luckily but was a hard decision. It did mean a lot to him, at least that’s what my step mom says.

It’s your wedding why ruin it with people who aren’t good to you? If you want to invite your dad fine. But unless they are footing the bill, you don’t need unsupportive people on your special day.

Nope your wedding, your choice. I did it for my wedding. I was much happier. It’s about you not them.

Your day is YOUR day. Invite those who have been kind… your fam or his. What do ypu want to remember… a good day or a stressful one?

Nah. Don’t. :woman_shrugging:t2: you’d just be more worried and miserable in your happy day.
Don’t risk it.

It’s your day. If you don’t want to invite them you don’t have to

No way would I invite them you want to have a great day

Invite your friends and people YOU want to be around. It’s your day and should be all about you!

Invite whoever you want to be there. You don’t have to include anyone that you won’t feel comfortable with having. Doesn’t matter if they are “family” it’s you and your partners Day.

It’s your day. Do you want them there or not?

Are you invited to their special moments?

I do not agree. Invite them so the door will remain open.

Honestly i wouldn’t bother. They really don’t care about you or they would have reached out to say something. Since they didn’t they don’t need to be there… especially since you said they think they are better than everyone else and they love drama. I wouldn’t have them became that day is all about you and your happiness and they would ruin it for you… you don’t want to regret them being there and them acting up. I wouldn’t even hope for a restart with them. It’s not worth that toxic nonsense.

Invite them. You have done your part. Then it’s up to them

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to navigate family drama during engagement?

I’m not :joy: I’m inviting my dad and his wife and that’s it :joy: why would you pay for someone you do not want there? Let them be dramatic. Just ignore it x

I got married couple years ago! There were certain family/friends I didn’t want to invite solely because i just don’t like them anymore or don’t want to see them. My late father obviously wanted to invite everyone A-Z in our bloodline because i was his first born and wanted a big do. I wanted a simple wedding and so did my wife. And thats how it happened. My father (rip) totally understood where i was coming from and respected my decisions yet its very rare to have a father who understands especially with my ethnicity background etc!
Invite who you want not who your family wants. Simple.

No. You invite people who celebrate you and are part of your team. Family or not.

If they didn’t even congratulate you, they don’t deserve to be there.

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Nope! I haven’t invited any of my dads side of the Family to my wedding because i don’t see/talk to them either.

Personally, I wouldn’t bother. If they’re stuck in their ways, then they aren’t going to change after the wedding or anytime soon.
If you seem fine without seeing them for 3-4 years, chances are there’s another 3-4+ years to come.
I’m sorry you have to go through that😔

Don’t do it , it’s your day not theirs