How to navigate family drama during engagement?

It’s your day. Not theirs.

Only invite who you want to be there… if you dont want em there then dont

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to navigate family drama during engagement? - Mamas Uncut

Hmmm. Your wedding day is for you. Why give hypercritical family whose opinions you don’t care about an opportunity to ruin your day? If you want to mend fences, invite them to an engagement party. If they show up and are civilized go from there.

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Forget that you know them, unless they reach out to you.
It is your Engagement and will be your Wedding.

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My husband invited a handful of his family because he rarely ever saw anyone else who he chose to not invite. Out of 100 invites, only 15% of that was people he knew (I come from a HUGE family, my dad is the youngest of 9 & we’re all pretty close). He was perfectly fine afterwards & didn’t regret a thing. This is your day. Do what’s best for your heart. Chances of you reconciling with these people are slim to none if it hasn’t happened yet. And that burden honestly shouldn’t be on your shoulders on your wedding day. It shouldn’t be on your shoulders at all. Life is too short to be worrying about the mess other people create. Do you, no regrets.

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If I was you I would save yourself all that drama on the best day of your life. You wouldn’t want to look back and regret inviting them, especially If after the wedding you all still didn’t talk anyway. I think if anyone really wants to be in your life/ part of it they would fight for it. X

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My philosophy on this is invite them, let it be their decision to come or not to your wedding.
You are dammed if you do dammed if you don’t.
If you don’t invite them you will be the bad person and it will give them something more to talk about " drama".

Let them choose .
It will work out.
Trust me. Been there.
Good luck.

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If you haven’t been around them in years and there’s no communication on either side, then why bother? Why be uncomfortable and have them talk crap later. It’s your day and it should be happy not tense.

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"…if there is ever a chance of a restart for us, that would be gone with no invite. " It wouldn’t be gone because of no invite on your part. It was already gone because of the way they treated you. You wont miss anything. Be happy :blush:

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Would be a hard no for me. Weddings are not something people should feel they are “entitled” to attend just because they are family. Don’t ruin your day inviting people that don’t have your best interest at heart

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When we finally get round to ours most of my family won’t be getting an invite due to their drama and the fact I want my special day to be happy drama free and a day to remember because of good positive memories not bad negative or drama caused memories

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No. We got basically forced into inviting people we didn’t want and I regret it. If I could do it again I’d ignore it and invite only the people we actually wanted. It’s your wedding. Family or not don’t invite people that you don’t want to

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Nope, it’s not worth it.
Figure out what you’d be saving yourself without all the drama. Also figure it money wise and use that for something you both want or need.
Congratulations

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Its your wedding, invite who you want and stand firm in your decision and just say the subject isnt open for discussion!

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That’s the one day that it’s all about you…… do what will make it less stressful for you. Sounds like you already know which decision will best suit you.

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Honestly it’s up to how you feel, but you could always invite them and let them decide if they’ll come, or not. If not, yay! If so, and they cause issues, then you have every right, at your own wedding, to tell them to get to steppin because they are officially uninvited for being jerks. That way even if they TRY to ruin it, you can make them leave, and you still end up enjoying your big day! Congratulations on your engagement btw and i hope you have a wonderful lige together!

Don’t. Weddings and funerals are not places to offer olive branches and try to mend relationships. Only invite the people you really want to be there. Preserve yourself.

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Ask your father. It’s his family and probably helping paying the wedding. How will he feel if you exclude his side!

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I just got married, we were having a huge wedding & due to Covid restrictions we had to reduce our numbers by 75%. I felt relieved, we had only our nearest & dearest.
Weddings are expensive, the day goes by in a flash. Only invite those ones who you would be willing to takeout & spend that amount of money on a dinner for (cause essentially that’s what you’re doing) and spend the time on the night with the ones who mean the most. If you eliminate who you don’t want there that saves you money & gives you more time with the ones you love :heart:

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I didn’t invite people I thought would start drama. That day is supposed to be one of the best days of your like and should be drama free

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If u wouldn’t invite them to your house for dinner then don’t invite them to your wedding.

My wedding was only 1 table of family 3 of those being my side, the other 7 tables were friends.
I do not regret my decision at all. I had the best time and was surrounded by those whom I loved and who truly loved us.

I also cut my lost by inviting those that we had physically spent time with in the previous 6months to 12 months.

Definitely do not invite them! Do not feel obligated to invite anyone who doesn’t bring joy and love into yours and your partners lives!

If you aren’t comfortable around them and they haven’t even reached out to congratulate you then don’t invite them and enjoy your wedding with out the anxiety their presence could cause. Surround yourself with people that celebrate and love you. Don’t feel bad for a second about not including them. Just because your related doesn’t make them family. Family are the people that love you unconditionally and never make you feel left out or unwanted. If they bring any negativity into your world then don’t let them in any longer. They don’t deserve to be there.

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Thank god for covid, you don’t have to invite any of them!!!
Small and intimate…
If I was to marry again I’d only invite those that are there for me and my close family, not everyone that just wants a night out and a free feed…
It’s your day and your money, invite those that you know will still be around in the following years…
Good Luck :four_leaf_clover:

Don’t tell anyone elope get married in Las Vegas have a party when you get back stops all the crap you will have a lovely romantic time

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Prioritise inviting people who you couldn’t picture having your big day without. People that will bring more love and joy to the celebration.

Just do it your way invite who you want to share your special day why invite people you haven’t seen or spoken to in years who deep down you know are going to spoil things , congratulations on your engagement and hope you have a lovely wedding day and a long and happy life together :heart: xx

If you re read over the way you write about your Dad’s family, why would you want them there?..To often in life we do what we think we ‘should’ rather than what’s in our hearts. Good luck with your decision…:four_leaf_clover:

Don’t invite such toxic family members who are not doing the best for anyone. It’s your day & it should be a happy 1, not to be filled with tension by toxic relatives.

I think you should ask yourself if one of your family members were to be married would they invite you? By the sounds of it that’s a slight possibility. Yes family is important but you and your fiancé is all the family you need. Have the people there that have time for you and don’t worry about others

I had an aunt & uncle that I felt embarrassed me my whole life. I told my dad I was not inviting them because of that. I spent my whole childhood trying to rid myself of them. That was the trick. I never had to be bothered again.

Nopppppe! Be cut throat about it. I would be🤷‍♀️ why bring negativity to a day that’s supposed to be one of the best days of your life. Dont invite them. It will only cause you anxiety.

I had this same situation.
I didn’t invite my dad’s side of the family to my wedding. I haven’t talked to any of them since… and I got divorced 3 years later… :woman_shrugging:
Its your day, have the people there that you want. Fu*k the rest of them.

Honestly, if you haven’t seen/talked to them in the last crazy year - don’t invite them . Weddings can be expensive and stressful enough without all that extra drama.

You need to decide if you want a happy fun wedding (if you choose this, DON’T invite them) or a drama filled wedding ( choose this INVITE them). If they’ve been out to get you and they’re set in their ways, being at your wedding is not going to be any different and give them more options to continue their toxic behaviour.

None of my dad’s family were at mine. They didn’t know we existed till after he passed. Even now I don’t have anything to do with them. Never there for me when I was growing up so I wouldn’t now. Be happy do what’s right for u xx

My husband’s family is a bunch of drama as well. It’s both of our second weddings and we just went to the court house and got married and told them after. His family is so bad that’s the way he did his first marriage as well. I’m glad we did the court house wedding we have been married 2 years and his family has won in destroying our marriage. It is your day and all about u and your husband its your day not there’s. Congratulations and good luck

Nope it shouldnt take a wedding a birth or a death for people to want to be in your life. invite the people who are truly in your life for all the right reasons its you that will look back on this day it has to be the wedding you and your husband to be happy with. The day gose so fast you need it to be a drama free day and one you will have fond memories of

Your wedding day is for you and your groom to share with those you both have loving and supporting relationships with. If the shoe doesn’t fit certain people, don’t invite then to try it on and ruin it.

It’s your day. You invite who you want. It’s about you, who you want to be present on your big day. Have a small comfortable wedding. All the best

Weddings are not the place to fix family problems.
Either do it before, or after.
It’s meant to be the best day of your life and could easily turn into the worst trying to mend fences at the same time!

Congrats & best wishes to you on your engagement! We just celebrated our 20th anniversary. My suggestion is -
It’s your day that is about you & your fiancé. Don’t try to please anyone but yourselves. Surround yourselves with those that love & support you daily in your lives & enjoy your special day.
I was the last in my family & my husband was the first in his to get married from large families = 400 person wedding. Our wedding was nice, but I felt obligated to please everyone else as our parents were helping us with the wedding financially. There were several things I did as I felt obligated to……I wish I just did what we wanted to. No matter what you plan - someone will be unhappy - hopefully that someone is not you & your fiancé.
Cheers to you & best wishes!

Elope :heartpulse:

At the end of the day it’s a special day for you and your fiancee. :heartpulse:

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I agree with Sally, I told my girls that it’s their day not ours. Don’t invite Auntie joblow just because she’s your Auntie or Uncle or cousins. Some people will get the shits BUT it is your special day don’t let anyone ruin it.

Unless they treat you better (on their own no coaxing) - no. You are not obligated to invite anyone regardless of what the blood says. They’ve been shitty to you up until now, an invite to your wedding says they can walk all over you.

Make it about you. Only one wedding hopefully in your future . Once you are settled, extent a bbq or dinner invite and solve the issue then. It never works out mixing happiness and family problem solving at any event.

My mom didn’t even want to come to my own wedding, I said that was her choice and that was that. It’s your day don’t try to please everyone else on that day you will regret it!

I invited family out of guilt and obligation. I was guilted big time. guess what? We paid extra for their food and seating and NONE OF THEM SHOWED. No cards no congrats no RSVP no sorry we missed it. Nothing. Don’t do it. This day is about YOU and your FIANCE no one else. Only invite those that will celebrate you. In the words of Chester Bennington… “leave out all the rest”.

Elopement will save you all the Drama. Or a small get away wedding where only parents, siblings, granny and papa. The money you save on a reception hall and food music, servers and bartenders etc… It is anything you two want. You say Dads side have always treated you bad and mad at you so who cares if they stay that way. Good luck on your wedding Day, hope its everything you want

Secretly elope at the courthouse. Tell the family and friends goodbye as you head off to an undisclosed location for the best honeymoon ever.

Choose one that you can tolerate/ dislike the least. That way you’re not surrounded by non supportive people who aren’t necessarily happy for you but that side is represented

Don’t ruin your special day by inviting them. The only 2 people that need to be present and happy that day are you and your fiance.

do what’s best for you. it’s your day if they will spoil it in any way dont do it. all the best for the wedding x

Sounds like if you have a wedding with family, all you will have will be bad memories as you are so strongly affected by both sides. Why don’t you and your fiancé have a relaxing wedding where, when and with who you want and tell your family later.
Both my family and my deceased husband’s family could win awards for ruining any event they attended. I was older when I got married and had already gone through plenty of psychotherapy. Of course my father did not like my fiancé, so when my mom called me to tell me he had taken a bottle of Tylenol with a bottle of Vodka because he did not like my fiancé, I told her he had 3 choices: go to the ER and be treated, die or accept my choice. In the end it was his usual manipulation, but not the end of his attempts. I hope you can go on with your life, choose your own family and have a good life.

It’s ur wedding day keep it simple don’t bother for ppl worlds… U can’t please everyone… Send formal invitation… As they are u ppl… U do ur job let them decide to come or not…

Easy, don’t invite them. Your day, do what makes you happy. Family are the biggest pain in the arse at weddings and funerals. Surround yourself with friends that mean more to you than those that couldnt give a shit about you.

No. But you can get to know them better after the wedding by doing very small, low commitment activities with them, one at a time like getting coffee or going for a walk. That way you can see if maybe there are some relationships that would be healthy and worth salvaging. And if it doesn’t work out a gigantic mile stone day for you isn’t ruined

If thinking twice about it then no…after all it’s your day and I would not allow any bad vibes.

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I’m sorry you have a family like this there’s so many out there. I would do an engagement party and invite them and see who shows up. Those that show up and act respectfully will be invited to the bridal shower. And if they could have the same excellent behavior there then you’ll invite them to the wedding. Me I’m a very outspoken person. And I would put all of this in my invitation to them in writing.

I had a stepmother who hated my sister and me. She sabotaged me every chance she got. When I asked my dad to give me away, he told me if I didn’t invite her to thr wedding, he would not give me away and wouldn’t come, either. Why on earth would I want a woman, on the happiest day of my life who had gone out of her way at every opportunity to make my life with my dad more difficult??? I told my dad
’ Thank you anyway’ and invited an uncle to give me away. No one is going to destroy my happiness unless I let them.

Don’t feel obligated to invite anyone you aren’t comfortable with…especially treating you like that. Family can be just as toxic as anyone else. They don’t get a free “they can do what they want” card. I wouldn’t let them ruin your special day, because if something bad happens then you are going to regret it forever. That is a day to celebrate your relationship, and not their drama.

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no one is obligated to a moment of the happiest day of your life. you said it, they’re drama lovers. this will only give them ammo to ruin your wedding with their drama

I think you need to do what you feel is best. If you want them there then invite them. Just as if they don’t want to go it’s up to them. This is your day so do what you want. They will be dramatic regardless.

You are in a tough situation! You mentioned that ‘dad’s side all knew about your engagement’ but didn’t offer congratulations. There was no mention of ‘your telling them’ —- I feel full transparency is best. If you didn’t tell them via in-person, phone call, email, or social media announcement…. Then you are putting them in a difficult situation. If you want congratulations —- YOU need to be the one who tells them.

As for your wedding plans: This is YOUR Wedding. And whatever you choose should definitely be what you want. Elope, small, large, formal, casual… work this out with the groom. As for family, I Love how weddings bring families together. It’s been my experience that weddings are often in layers. Bridal showers are all inclusive to females, the Wedding invites are contingent on ceremony space — I’ve seen this exclusive to ‘immediate family’ all the way to a full church full… then the family dinner - again. This is flexible ! Generally only the near and dear. The reception -often an open house… everyone is invited… everyone can have a moment to congratulate the bride and groom , have refreshments before heading out. If your worried about drama, you have a lot of power. The power is in designing your wedding to accommodate your plan. And…. All are included at some point. A simple diplomatic explanation to explain to everyone not invited to the wedding is all that’s needed.

Invite close friends and family. Some might miss out. Be prepared with an answer if asked. Do what is right for you.

Invite his side of the family, let them see it dosen’t bother you, it’s you’re day and let them see that the wedding is going on. Don’t let them bring you down on you’re special day . Am the black sheep in my family of 11 . They hate to see anyone happy. This is you’re day and don’t let them bring you down . Be happy and nice to them because people like that hates happiness. Just over look them . Don’t let them think that it bothers you and just smile at them . Congratulations on you’re special day .

My dads side is the same way. I did not invite anyone from that side except for my 1 uncle that lives in a whole other state (he is the only one that reaches out and talk to) yeah i kinda felt bad but was happy with my decision

No you don’t need the negativity on what is your special day nd don’t let anyone pressure you into something your not comfortable with

Sometimes you gotta cut ties with family too, blood doesn’t equal love. And if they treat you like trash why want them at your wedding anyway

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Write out pros and cons. This is your and your finance day. Will you think it would be a happy day for you or stressful. Will they cause problems. Just because their family. Should you invite them. Nobody can tell you. But I would like to be happy on such a special occasion.

They will wreak havoc, and cause unnecessary stress and drama. I can see your point in them being family and trying to give them a chance despite what they’re like but I personally wouldn’t invite them. My fiancé’s mother’s family have been trouble for us since we found out we were pregnant and tbh I’ve said if I do not see a permanent change they won’t be welcome. They put my fiancé through the ringer and it sounds like your dads family is exactly the same

Just remember one thing. It’s about you two. Not them. If it’s drama and might ruin the day for you guys. Leave them out

Wouldn’t want any negativity at my wedding. Invite the peopleYou are friends with that will enjoy the day with you.

If send them invitations to the wedding not the reception. Nothing special… then no one can say anything later. You’ll be better for it…

No mention of your mum’s side, must be a lot of tangled up stuff to have been going on since your childhood. In your shoes l’d save any drama, go abroad and make it about you and your fiance and have a fantastic day.

Don’t invite drama into any area of your life. Boundaries are healthy.

Only invite your immediate family in that side. So, your dad and any siblings on that side

Do not Invite them to your wedding someone has an issue with it or they question you just tell them this is your day you don’t wanna have to deal with all the drama so you’re doing what do you want to do.

Depends on whether you want to have the constant hassle of the family. If a family starts out a hassle, they will always be a hassle….I learn the hard way with in-laws. Better of without them.

You and hubby future put your self first

The day belongs to you and your fiance. You both get to choose who to invite. I remember my wedding day, my in laws cajoled my fiance into adding their friends to the guest list and we ended up with guests that neither of us wanted because they weten’t our friends.
Have the dsy that you both want, and be happy.

No. Your wedding and you don’t HAVE to invite any one

No,why worry about people,that are not happy for you,don’t invite them,waste of time and money

Don’t invite any family unless they support you.
Families aren’t all they are cracked up to be.

If you and your future husband are paying for the wedding, then I would say invite only you want there. If you are getting financial assistance, then the person helping to pay should have a say, in with some people who they want to come. Either way, have only people you live there regardless. No body should ruin your day with drama

Decide who is important to you at this time? Send announcement to others.

Don’t invite! Drama=chaos!! You will never make everyone happy!! This is your day!!

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Hell no. You want your important day to be something to remember…in a good way. It’s nice your thinking about trying. But is it worth the risk of them messing up your big day? Try another way if you feel you really want to try and rekindle your relationship with them.

Just because they are “family” doesn’t mean you can’t cut them. Toxic is toxic.

Nope. No invite. If they haven’t been in your life why should they be in your wedding ???

Do you want them there or would you be inviting them only out of obligation? If it’s only out of obligation then don’t, It’s your day. If you want them there to use it as an opportunity to reunite & strengthen your relationship with them then send an invite. Basically choose the outcome you’re hoping for.

Do what your comfy with. The day is about you and your SO. NOT them. Talk to your SO about it!

Get your act together and invite your family. They are your blood. HOW MUCH EFFORT HAVE YOU MADE TO Make this relationship work? FRIENDS COME AND GO. Family is blood and when all fails, they are there, that is if you want them…

no drama unless you allow it. if you dont want someone to be there than dont invite them

I probably invite them, the ones thst come might be willing to make amends

No… you obviously don’t like them. Why bother if you know its gonna put a downer on the day?

If you are asking strangers what you should do… then maybe you are the problem.

Why invite people you don’t like who make you uncomfortable?

Let them stay at home. Who needs drama?