How to parent a bossy child?

Well! I have been having trouble with my Now 9 year old being super bossy and acting like she is in control.

Super long story… short version.

I was in an emotional, verbal and occasionally abusive relationship with my ex husband.

My son is biologically his, my daughter is not.

He would always call my daughter fat. Stupid, annoying, she would get in trouble for things her brother did and now she needs this validation that she is worthy… its been 2 years… we have done counseling and shit.

(I should say, i am back with her biological dad and we have been extremely happy! All of us, even my won calls him dad!
Idk if she has become spoiled or whatttt)


She’s had a lot go on and maybe her being bossy etc is how all of her feelings and emotions are coming out. My 8yr old daughter had a lot on her mind and all of her feelings and emotions came out as anger, and even once said she wants to kill herself. I told the school counsellor and she spoke to her and my daughter has been a lot better since. Does your daughter like writing or drawing? My daughter was given a blank book and we told her anytime she feels upset or angry etc just find a quiet place and she can draw or write a story to help her relax and calm down and she can get all her feelings written down. It helps her a lot. I do also put some of my girls outbursts of anger and upset down to hormones etc I started my period at around age 9 and thinking that she may also start young.

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You were previously in a abusive relationship. Children learn by what children see. It’s great things have now changed, but to her; her actions she is putting out maybe her understanding and view of your previous relationship (and in some parts, your ex got what he wanted by some parts being bossy and doing exactly what she’s now doing).

9 is also a hard age with girls. It’s the cusp of them being sweet darlings to devils with horns :joy: or mine was. Just preserve with her, stand your ground and give and explain your rational behind reasonings.

I found ‘because I said so / or because I’m your mother’ was a waste of my breathe. But taking the time to explain and why was much more effective, along with reversing the situation with ‘how would you feel if I did this?’ not nice hey?


I mean you let a man degrade her…she probably thinks being disrespectful is how to get her way. 🤷🏻 counceling is great but it takes YEARS to reverse the damage of abuse.

Lots of changes in her little life but you must show her she isnt in charge and make sure it stays consistent. If you feel shes being spoiled, then stop spoiling her. Make her do chores, dont buy her stuff unless it’s a gift for an occasion. Maybe even do a small amount of allowance ($2 per week and teach her to save and teach her how to take care of things). If she feels the need to have control, help her learn the ways where it’s ok, and make sure it’s perfectly clear when it’s not ok. Girls tend to be more bossy. My youngest does it too…I put him in his place so fast. Lmao

Its up to you to parent her tale things away she enjoys and have her earn them back