How to parent pre teens?

Ok. first time to face the “preteen” stage. Need some advice. I definitely don’t want to go overboard in this so I guess I’m just 2nd guessing myself. My daughter is 10 and got her first pimple. We have had the talk but honestly we have actually prepared for the inevitable. So today I went and bought a cute small makeup bag, some flush able wipes, teen pads, fresh undies, and a facial kit to stop/prevent anymore pimples. I want her to be prepared but I dont want to embarrass her. I thought she could put the undies, a couple pads, a stick of deodorant, black leggings and the wipes in the makeup bag and toss it in her backpack. and we could have a small girls night and I explain how to use the facial wash and acne treatment. So my question is putting this stuff in a gift bag to much? Should I just hand it to her? Am I overreacting to a pimple? or Should I make this more special? Also, Her daddy asked me if I wanted him to do or say anything. I think it’s sweet that he loves her and wants to be involved but I kind feel this is a mom/daughter thing.


That’s actually really sweet you could go either way. I love the idea of a mother/daughter day to teach her all of this since now is when her skin is going to go through a lot of changes it’s helpful to have you teaching her how to deal with it

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Make sure to put a ziploc bag in the make up bag to put her undies in if she would start and get them dirty


I think it’s sweet! and you’re off to a wonderful start :heart:Also, I agree that it’s sweet her Dad wants to be supportive but you’re right, it’s more of a mom/daughter thing :wink:

I love your idea! And if you can, get her and dad comfortable to talk to each other about “that time!” In case she ever has to you know, ask for feminine products or something if you aren’t around!


Definitely get a cute small bag for her to keep stuff in! It will help and just explain that it’s for when needed! I wish I was given this stuff when I was younger!


I remeber my mom basically told me, dont touch the pimple and let it dry and fall off by itself. My mom then told me step by step when things came along the way, she would talk to me about it along the way and guide me too.

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I just did the exact same thing for my 11yr old niece. I think it’s a great thing for them to have in their backpacks as a just in case.

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I mean the sentiment is good but my mom made a big deal of it when I was a teenager and it was the most embarrassing thing in the world. Give her facts give her supplies and let her be. Lol.


Girl relax you got this 100% of course shes going to be a little odd about it but at least she has you to talk about it.

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Very sweet!
We did the same with the “just in case” bag for her backpack, but haven’t had any pimples yet…
Her dad knows, and asks her if she needs supplies don’t be afraid to tell him, but that’s all, lol.

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Chill mama. (((((Hugs)))) you know ur daughter best. U do what YOU think she would want.

I have three boys, fourth boy due in December. BUT my niece gets ALLL the “fun” talks from me ALL the time.

Her 70 year old father and her maternal grandmother share custody of her and she really feels more comfortable talking to me about these things

We spent a good long time at Meijer just last weekend looking at different feminine products and picking out ones to try. I suggested the always infinity pads lol.

We bought a medium
Sized makeup bag for her to keep some extra undies and pads in for her book bag/locker.

Also facial care and skin hygiene should be talked about to BOTH girls and boys so they can make a routine of washing their faces properly as soon as possible.

Rite of passage are important. And we are seriously lacking them in our culture. Especially for girls. I’d wrap it up, and give it as a gift after some good mom/daughter quality time <3 I think you are doing great!

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I think this is all a sweet gesture. Don’t be discouraged if she does get embarrassed or tries to sulk off. It’s a tough time, we all know that. I wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it, but make sure she knows there’s no shame in ANY of it or in talking about it.


Pillow cases might be a source of acne. If she can’t change her pillow case every few days, try putting a clean tshirt on it so her face doesn’t break out so much.

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I think a gift bag would be sweet. But do it on her time, when it’s just you and her. She could get embarrassed if there’s too many people around.
Maybe for the first couple conversations about it, it should just be you and her. But explain that her dad knows and understands some of this stuff as well and he’s open to talk if she needs.
Also, teach her to be in tune with herself. Let her know that mood swings are gunna become a thing. And maybe think of a phrase or a word that she can use to excuse her behaviour. Nothing obvious like “Aunt Flo is here”. But maybe like “the apples are gone”… lol.
This is a huge step in a young ladies life and you seem to be on the right track with it! Bravo mama! :clap:t3::clap:t3:

This is an awesome idea. Having a talk with her or on how to use all the products is great because then when it does happen she is not clueless. Also explaining hygiene on her face will help understand pimples. Remembering to try not to touch her face because of oils but also washing your face regularly to help prevent breakouts. She also needs to know that if she did have an emergency she could rely on her dad to bring her hygiene products or go to the store and pick them up.

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I wouldnt make a big deal of it. When my now 13 year old was around the same age we sat down and talked about it, I got some teen pads for her and kept them under the sink, and told her I would show her how to put it on when the time came, she was super anxious about it until it actually started so I’d make sure we were prepared but I did not make a big deal of it. I’d just hand it to her cause she might think a gift bag is a little overboard. Girls that age dont think of it as a gift lol.

Omg that is the cutest and sweetest thing I love that idea, definitely make it a mom/daughter say out of it… I wouldn’t go over the top making it a huge thing but definitely explain things show her the facewash… and the makeup bag is a wonderful thing to have so many girls start at school and are not prepared for it

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I had nothing when I got my period so I think you’re doing a great job preparing her and having things ready. I would have appreciated that and would have been less embarrassing!! Good job Momma

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This is awesome! And yes it is kinda a mom and daughter thing but involve dad. So many men know nothing about periods that if he is willing it will lay the ground work for open lines of communication for all her womanly needs.


Definitely a mom/daughter thing. My husband wouldn’t be coftamble doing that. Same with my sons. I feel like that is my husband’s job.

Good for you it’s going to be fine have 6 girls and it was different for each one some liked the gifts and 2 didn’t. Later when she’s older her dad might talk to her about it help my oldest to know what men think she’s 36 my youngest 7,plus 3 grands.I also had the talk with my son,being able to talk about everything is a good thing

I would let Dad know to let Daughter know he’s there. I would go to my dad if I needed tampons before even thinking about going to my mom. And I know my Daughter has a great bond with her stepdad amd will probably go to him for things before coming to me.

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I think it would be a good idea for Dad to be involved in the conversation that away she is comfortable with talking to him if something happened (clothes are ruined and she forgot the bag at home, ect.) And I think the gift bag is a very cute idea!

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Mom of a 14 year old. I would keep Dad out of it at this point. There will be a day when they’re both out together and they’ll need to swing by and grab some more pads for her, but that usually goes much better when she’s older and not so new to all of this :grin:

As far as the rest, it’s your call but I didn’t make a huge deal out of it. Talk to her, send the stuff with her and then tell her to let you know when she gets her period. We talked about it here and there so she was prepared. I homeschool, so getting caught at school without supplies wasn’t really a concern for me. When it happened, she walked in to my room at 3 AM, sat on the bed and said “it happened”. I’m half awake like “what happened?” lol… So, I reminded her where the stuff was, told her to let me know if she needed help and went back to sleep. The next evening, we went together and bought smaller pads for her and chocolate. I told her she wasn’t getting chocolate every month but for her first time, yes :blush:

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Having a little go bag made up ahead of time is a great idea. I did that with my daughter & it made her much more comfortable with all of it.

I don’t think you are overreacting about to a pimple at all. And even if you over the top, guess what it’s something she will remember forever. Do it!

Embarrassed or not she’ll thank you one day. I didn’t get any talks had to learn the hard way.

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Think it’s a nice idea to make a bag for her backpack. It is a mom daughter thing but I think she should also know she can go to dad if she needs something from the store and you aren’t home.


Don’t be surprised if she already knows all about it! And from past experience ( dtr 12 ). Tell daddy to stay in his lane😂

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My mom has never had “the talk” with me. I had to learn in school about it and we got a little baggy with pads, deodorant and some other stuff. If I wanted to talk about anything, I had to go to my 2nd mom. (Raised me since I was 8 months to now technically) My birth mom hated it but my birth mom was more of a friend than a mom. My 2nd mom was more of a mother to me. She never sugar coated anything. Told me like it is and still does. She will always be there for me. In my honest opinion…you did great with everything. :relaxed: Hopefully she doesnt feel too embarrassed lol. Just give it to her when it’s the 2 of you. Nobody else around. :relaxed::relaxed:

Get Dad involved! Get him a kit for his car or office, etc (just in case, you never know!) I didn’t have a Mom when I started mine at 9. So it was just my Dad. If Dad wants to be involved, don’t push him away. Or you might regret it. Its not a Mom/daughter thing. It’s for Dad’s too. I mean who else is going to drive to the store at 1AM for pads, Dad!
Just tell her, she’ll be OK with it.

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I think it’s super sweet! Granted she may or may not think it’s lame, but she’ll appreciate it when she gets older. I think you should put it all together for her and then put it in a gift bag

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My daughter had this in her backpack just in case it started at school, and it did. She was so thankful that she had it and didn’t have to be embarrassed to ask anyone at the school. I think it’s such a great thing and wish I had this when I was younger!

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That’s all very sweet. My mom was more discreet about it because she knew a quiet girl like me would be embarrassed by it. She didn’t make a gift bag but we did go “girl” shopping and told me everything I needed to know and how to make it alittle better. I was the middle child of 3 girls so this wasn’t her first rodeo lol

Following…my daughter will be 10 in November.

Get dad involved. Dad was at home when my daughter started hers. I was at work. He helped her like a champ. I don’t think your going overboard. Better to be prepared

This IS GREAT def include dad if hes comfortable

Great idea! Skip the gift bag though. It’s not technically a present, more like necessities. :heart_eyes:


i wouldn’t fo a giftbag…but it is nice to have a little prep bag for her. If you emphasise to much on it you will embarrass her. i would just buy her the face wash and stuff and she can use it…its pretty self explanatory

Mom of 4 daughters here. 7-19. Why not get dad involved? He is a part of the family right? My husband keeps better track than I do and has no issues going to the store and buying pads and tampons. No gift bag. Give her the bag already to go. A pimple is a pimple. Does not mean she is going to get her period tomorrow. Does she wear makeup? Even for play? Does she wash her face every day? No reason to make a big deal over it


I honestly think it’s a great idea to get dad involved and all of you guys talk about it together so when that time comes and if for some odd reason you aren’t there she won’t be uncomfortable or feel awkward talking to or asking dad any questions she might have.

American Girl Company had a book about a girl’s body (I can’t remember the title). It was well written and easy for a child to understand. My daughter had one as did most of her friends.
Remeber to add a empty Ziploc bag to her essentials bag for dirty undies. I wish I would have thought about a bag for my daughter.
I think it would be a wonderful idea to let her know her dad will talk to her, too. It might make things less embarrassing for her to ask him for things. Good Luck.

So she probably has a while to go before AF comes but good idea to be prepared. We’ve been dealing with pimples here and there… but more recently new hair growth and the need to shave underarms… at 10 (and a half)… at the end of her 4th grade year they had a girl talk for those who wanted to opt in (just basic slide show that you are about to undergo some body changes… some things to expect that are normal. Moms were invited as well) and gave a brown bag with some goodies… including a few pads (imo should have been more age/size appropriate… they were given full sized heavy flow pads… ones I use on my heavy days…) but have that pampering night and do facials or what not… let her know she can go to dad too

Omg you’re such a wonderful mama :weary::raised_hands:t2:
You’re on such a great track already being prepared and supportive.


My best friends mom had passed away before she had hers just her dad and brother around she had to come to me to talk about it all please involve dad if he’s willing

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I would be open about all of it. We were with our daughters. We raised our granddaughter as well. And i would talk to them in private but also mention things in passing in front of my husband. It was great because we had times that he would have to go to the store for supplies. It was never awkward or embarrassing. Dad is important too. That’s awesome he’s wanting to be a part of it. :+1::blush:


Can you send midol or any pain relief to school with them? How does that work? Curious girl mom here :rofl:

If your talking about it awsome. Ask her though if that is something she would like.

Id let her decide to involve dad or not personally my dad being there made me seek out my aunt instead. Ive just had similar talk with my son and took him to my dads for if he has questions i talked about puberty and sex but could tell hes more at ease asking my dad but will ask me about skin care and hygeine

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Ive just gone through this put it in a little box for her talk about it as thou it isn’t s big deal and involve dad a little as not to make it out to be embarrassing.

You’re good with what you’ve got. Definitely just you and her, she may get embarrassed if Dad is there. Keep it low key. My daughter just turned 11 and she knows what a period is but I still have yet to have the sex talk with her.

Love your idea! Yes, just you two, casual time, low key, hand her the products & show her how to use them. Continue the conversation in dribs & drabs as you think of things, so it’s not overwhelming all at once.

I’m assuming she knows where babies come from, & continue to have those conversations also, & have her do a separate one w her dad from the male point of view (he’ll know the tricks guys will use to get her into bed so she can watch out for them). He can offer to be understanding about her period & pick up meds/supplies for her as needed then.

Before she starts going out with friends/dating, both of you let her know either of you will pick her up from any bad/uncomfortable situations at any time with no questions asked. Up to you if that includes taking off work to bring clothes to or taking her home from school if she has a real bloody blowout.

If she winds up with severe cramps or acne, get her treatments/medications to help from her GP and/or an OB/GYN, and/or a dermatologist.

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I would involve her dad! She should be able to feel comfortable asking her father for help. :heart:

I think it’s a great idea to have the talk with her about getting her first period and what to expect and providing a little emergency kit for her back pack. And I would explain to her that pimples are a natural part of growing up. I wouldn’t add the makeup yet, but I’m old fashioned, but pimple cream is ok. I’d also involve Dad for sure! She’ll be more comfortable if it happens when you’re not around to tell Dad. Good luck! It’s a wonderful, exciting and terrifying stage you are entering together! :grin:

I found a large makeup bag I didn’t include the leggings but fresh underwear, pads things like that you already have listed are a great idea for her to carry around in her backpack, especially if she’s an early bloomer like my little one was. I personally did a girl’s night just her and I where I explained everything in the bag and how to use it. We talked about the birds and the bees I asked if she had any questions she should know that she could come to me or her dad. That’s also the night that I taught her how to shave.
Best of luck!

I think it’s a wonderful idea :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:… maybe give the bag to her during a girly night? Do facials together… I also think it would be wonderful if dad got involved too, my grandad was the one of the first people I saw after I got my first period! He laughed at me and said ‘Welcome to womanhood, your bath is run!!’

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I wouldn’t get all crazy over a pimple. That’s not a big deal. Save it for when she gets her period. No gift bag…tell her you wanna have a girls night/day, and have fun. Watch a sappy movie, paint each other nails and hand her the little bag. Talk about what’s in there. Ask if she has any questions about her body…or if shes noticed any changes happening. Ask her how shes feeling about the changes that are starting. Ask her if she knows what a period is…let her speak freely and be super crazy open about everything. Any question…any thing must be answered completely honestly and keep it simple. Dont linger on things. She may be a little embarrassed, let her know it’s totally fine to feel that way and to always come to you with any questions. Remind her that sometimes friends aren’t correct with info…and the internet is also sometimes wrong.


I love this. Even being daughter #3 I was scared when I started my period at 11. And I was so nervous being in 5th grade and a boy seeing a pad. I would of loved if my mom even did half of what you did. And I would let dad talk with her as well.

Ask your daughter what she wants. Lunch with mom and/or dad followed by a pedicure kinda day (with or without dad in on that). Heck, have a sleepover pizza party for a couple of her friends AND their moms sound fun to me. I had all boys but I’m in on what’s going on in my granddaughters’ pre teen lives.

I wish my mom and I had done this personally. She might get embarrassed, especially if other girls she knows have started already, but just ease into it. I think it’s a great idea. Do what you think will make her most comfortable. Periods aren’t anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. Its just a natural thing that all girls eventually go through. Good luck mama!

What a fantastic job you are doing as a mom! :raised_hands::raised_hands:

Let her decide. During your girls night let her know hes there for any questions and support, explain why hes not there, doesn’t want to make her uncorrected. I wish my mom made me an emergency kit or even talked to me about it. I learned everything in health class. I wouldn’t say a gift bag but maybe just a plain gift bag soild color no card or tissue paper. Add facial masks and skin care items, dont forget rose hip oil it’s great for your skin.

This whole post is so sweet. We need more like this on here. I look forward to doing something like this for my princess one day. God bless u guys :two_hearts:

It was a pimple. Babies get pimples. We are born with pores. It’s a little much. She is 10. Yes it happens. It’s good to be prepared. But it was one pimple.


Wonderful idea but omg let him be there for her also!

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My mom did this for all of the girls at 13 unfortunately I got mine earlier so I didn’t have one and believe me I would have appreciated it. I knew what was happening though because she had told me about it forever I was glad to finally get it so she would stop talking about it lol but I am glad now looking back because a lot of my friends were unprepared for what was going to happen. The little makeup bag is nice just make it plain so if someone sees it in her bag they won’t ask what it is. And on the dad part. My step dad didn’t say anything we just got flowers and the card said he was so happy to be raising such a lovely young woman. I felt important because he called me a woman.

Have a talk with her. My mother didn’t and I feel you should. I know it was a different age back then. I never felt I could go to my mother and being open would have meant a lot

Let her cope by herself.She most likely will come to you if she has questions or concerns…I think it’s a bit neurotic to fuss like this over an adolescent skin blemish…It very likely , creating a ‘worry’ at her age now, can give her complex feelings when she begins to develop her ego…Let her cope and trust she’ll come to you if she needs you on this one…

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That is so special! It’s the thought. Kids need that, love that!!! Just go with her flow lol

She will have discharge for about a year before her period starts.