How to parent pre teens?

i have pre teen whos been thru alot, im having aloy alot of problems out of, her mouth telling me and my fiance what to do, calling me bitch, whore u nake it. Hitting my mom who’s helped raise her…yes sged been thru alot 7 years ago…ive done all i can to be tge best mom i kno how to he the last 3 years to her. Now all me n my fiance do is fight and argue bc she wont mind, tells all the adults what to do, hits me tells my 34 yr old fiance to shut up, tells me im a pos mom, mind u my mother the grandma is always been there for her, sges hitting her when she domt get her way! Shed also doing all this infront of mine and my fiances 10 month old daughter itd tearing my relationship into threads, and he is always mean n hateful to me & talks very bad to me to. So…what im asking is this…what would u do woth preteen? And do u think my fiance is that bothered by her behavior or he jus is a selfish pos? Who dont care about any of us?

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Send her to a teen boot camp.

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have the police scare that damn child straight i wouldnt tolerate that id beat her little ass. My kid or any kid ever did that in my house. I dont care what anyone has been through you dont treat people like that. thats my opinion

Wow.

Ground her, spank her, she needs a good whoppin.

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What? I can’t even read this post. Sounds like she’s a spoiled brat from what I am able to understand.

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Call the police they will take her to the local children’s hospital and put her in the psych ward my daughter is going through the same thing with her stepson he will fight argue and attack I fought him a couple of times he’s been in the psych ward they put him on meds they change those meds sometimes they work for a long time sometimes they work for a short time but you better get her checked out before she gets more violent and she might hurt your fiance’s kid

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Ass whooping for the smart mouth teen, if fiance is verbally abusing you as well I’d rethink the whole marriage thing.

Truth …she is hating you and taking it out everyone…you haven’t been there for her and she recents you for it…and honestly dont know if it ever stops my son is 27 and he still hates me…

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Teen boot camp 100% that behavior is absolutely unacceptable. She’s old enough to know better no matter what she’s been through. I know, because I was there. I was the kid that had a crappy childhood and took it out on those who cared about me. Every day I regret it and I’m doing my best to make up for the crap I’ve done.

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Get get help immediately. Call family services and tell them you need help.

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Sounds like she’s screaming for help in the only way she can and needs her mother to really give her the attention she is searching for.

Sit down and talk to her. She’s acting out, not stupid or broken.

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Police. And do it now before your 10 month old starts doing the same. IM sure Your fiance cares hes just tired of her behavior.

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Well based on how you speak of the fiancé, her behavior may be learned. I’d suggest you get her a therapist. She is likely depressed and needs support from you and this therapist.

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Whoop that ass while you can!!!

You allow your fiance to speak badly to you. And you’re surprised your teen daughter is doing it? Lol Wow. Sounds like you let it get to this point because most kids wouldn’t even think to raise a hand to an adult, let alone hit them constantly. Counseling for all of you is where you should start.

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Drugs… check for drugs and alcohol … or depression…

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It starts with love, understanding, respect and discipline. Kids react to what they learn and are taught.

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She needs her ass beat, take everything away!!!

Same situation. Following

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Should have gotten an ass whooping years ago.

Get that child some help… This may be the only way she can get it across that something is wrong with her…

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She needs professional help from a behavioral specialist, I would start with a psychiatric hospital

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Get her to a doctor for a thorough physical exam from her neck both ways. If she is or has been sexually abused by anyone, or if she needs referred to another kind of doctor, it needs to be done immediately. This is not normal behavior, even for a mouthy teen!!

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Bout camp or scared straight. Jones of the abuse is alright, elder abuse is absolutely not right😠

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Counseling. It sounds like you haven’t been around the way you should of been and because of that shes angry. And probably more so since she sees you being a mom to your 10 month old. I know my oldest has had some problems with her step dad because she sees how he is with our son and shes a bit jealous that her dad wasnt like that with her.

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I went through this myself! Get her therapy and get involved without him! She needs her mom

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You said she’s a preteen but you have been the best mom in the last 3 years? So the grandmother is the one who raised her? Where were you? So many questions…

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I suggest therapy and family therapy. That girl needs to be heard, needs to feel understood. She needs someone to give her stability and she is probably angry at your fiance for giving you a baby and taking attenion away from her when she feels she really needs it. Police will only make her comfortable with the law, and she will end up down a long road of feeling like jail is the only constant in her life.

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Look into intensive in home counseling services.

Please dont give up on her!!! Something is eating her alive inside n shes doing what she thinks will get the help she needs. Please seek out therapy for both of you! Shes harboring some feelings she needs to let out!!

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I say you need to get to the root of this problem…ask her alone why does she feel the need to act out and how you WILL NOT tolerate the behavior…but you have to mean what you say…say what you mean…I bet if she call you something and you smacked her in the mouth she probably will think twice about it… also I would see if you have a scared straight program in your county and send her to it…she might be jealous also of the baby and the fiance, because you wasn’t around in her life but now you showing all this attention to them.Good luck …

If she touches y’all again call the police.

Counselling for everyone.

Maybe I’m missing it but where does your fiance come off deserving to be called selfish or a pos?

Choke her ass out. It doesnt leave marks and theres no proof​:joy::joy:

Find her help nd kick him to the curb with his bitch ass

Sit her down - chances are maybe shes acting out because she is used to it just being them and now your in the picture making rules and not leaving and she feels threatened. Let her know together that no matter how she acts you two are sticking together to love her no matter what and let her know she can’t tear yall apart. Because if that happens she wins (you just cant tell her that)

My coworker locked hers up in a special school for a year. Hardest decision ever but girl came home totally different child with no more issues. That school doesn’t take just everyone but worth a try.

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Oh no thats nt how this works. U tell her what to do or puck up that phone n call the cops. Its time she learns this. Is nt. Acceptable behavior. Do it nw before shes an adult n treats everyone like that. People outside ur house wont put up. With her…

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Therapy. Youd be surprised How much it really helps.or do a mommy daughter day see if shell talk to you

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Get her the help she needs, counseling, therapy whatever it is?! If your finance was a selfish pos he wouldn’t still be there putting up with it but that kinda behavior gets old and tiring… she has been through alot and is acting out for attention… you need to pay attention to her!!

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Pretty simple call cops… file charges against her… she will learn the hard way where this attitude leads. Dealt with the same shit… I put them in their place and when that didnt work pd was always second option. I dont care who it is… they respect the home they are blessed to be in our they deal with the consequences.

Slap her back lol that’s what I’d do it’s not abuse unless there is a mark and if you get her back she will learn her place. Teach her you get what you give. Disrespect me I disrespect you. Hit me I hit you. Be respectful and I’ll be respectful back

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I agree with the comments above she needs help and counseling/therapy. My niece acted out for years she finally told her dad she was sexually abused from age 6/7-11. She was scared to tell anyone. I don’t know your situation but it sounds like you all need counseling especially if hes also talking to you like that and calling names hes just as disrespectful.

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She needs help asap. Start therapy it could be ADHD like my son and he acted out in the same way. He also has other issues also. But getting a diagnosis or starting therapy will help. Get therapy for the both of you. Also therapy for you and you’re fiancee. Dont give up find the best solution to help all of you as a family.

Dicipline …my momma spanked me, hire my butt up if needed, and showed me tough love But it taught me to respect my elders, my grandmother also raised me and I wouldn’t dare raise a hand to any adult, I still am upset at my mom for not always being there but it taught me a lot… And im not sure of your religious beliefs but that child needs to find God and get family counseling…you choose who you want to be no matter what you’ve been through in life, it can’t be blamed on anyone but yourself …but those actions shouldn’t be accepted or used as an excuse for what she’s been through. She’s aggressively taking advantage of what you let her get away with. So my advice from experience is take charge, discipline sternly, but also let her know you love her and understand she needs you but she can not continue down that path(The ending to that is never good…leads to much much worse life ruining things.) You both have to be understanding of each other, she is a child do what you have to do to make her respect you or she will never be respected or have respect for anyone. She needs a sport or disciplined hobby…but you all should find peace in god& get Family counseling .(not pushing religion just stating facts from experience) but good luck I hope you all can resolve it before the baby catches on and/or the family is broken

She needs to see a counsellor!!! Actually put in the effort to find her a good one, a lot of them meet the kids after school close to school and some even buy them a hot chocolate and cake but the best thing you can do is find a good counsellor for her to just talk to. Pick a night for it to be her time even if you just grab out the nail polish and just try talking to her and giver her all your attention for a bit, even let her suggest. (Ice cream dates always win) it breaks down the whole she’s going on her teens and gives her an option to maker her feel more comfortable to discuss stuff. Pre teens are hard but they just want to feel respected and mature but they need a good influence who they can talk to about anything and her attitude will get better a lot quicker. Not to mention seeing a counsellor is really good while in pre teens because they learn to take their mental health seriously and they learn they can always go back to just talk at any point in their life. If she is hit you and your mother that is a serious problem like police and children services problem she needs help otherwise she will treat people close to her like that FOR LIFE. As hash as it is consider sending her to hospital for a welfare check and a mental ward for help at the very least give her a reality check that a ward is so so much better then jail and if she doesn’t stop lashing out she will end up in jail. No one expects parents to handle this perfectly but she needs help sooner rather then later.

Smdh if my daughter ever pulled that shit her ass would be in jail. Time to actually be a mom and do something about your child.

I love how half of yall think this is most likely solved by the things your saying because it wont chances are no one has even sit down and asked this child how she feels period, and thats just it and dont say how she feels dont matter because it does alot

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Bust her in the damn mouth

sounds like she is holding onto anger, you said you have been full time for 3 years and that’s great but maybe she is thinking of the past. I have acted rude and hateful to my mother before (that I am not proud of) because she was not always a good mom…it has been years since that happen but every now and again I get this feeling like she is gonna let me down or worse now my kids, it took a lot for me to forgive mother for not being there for me, it her down and talk to her ask her what can you do to make her life happier.

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She needs psychiatric help, no question about it!

I know it seems like she means you harm, but there may be a deep seated issue she isn’t talking about. Get to the bottom of it and see what is lying beneath the surface.

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It sounds like there is an underlying issue here. Get to the bottom of it by taking her to counseling where she will be able to cough out. There is no smoke without a fire. You might be thinking she is a nonsense child, however you will be surprised as to what she is going through. All the best mommy. Keep us posted of the outcome.

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Kids act out when something is wrong

Therapy and one on one mom daughter times

She needs counseling and boot camp. She has deep anger that needs dealing with. I’m sorry you are going through this.

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It sounds like she is acting out because of some kind of anger or feelings that she can’t Express. Get her into a therapist

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Your fiancé is the problem. Tell him “goodbye”. Here’s what will make your situation worse: choosing him over her. Ask me how I know. Ask me. Ok. I’ll tell you. My mom chose her asshole bf over me.

I’m nearly 37 years old now. Your kids remember the shit you do and the choices you make. Do not choose him. Choose your child. Period. Get her the help she needs and for God’s sake, choose her.

Get her into some kind of therapy. If you cant afford it or dont have health insurance, then contact the school and see if they can help you. In the meantime you probably also need parenting classes. It sounds as if she has been ruling the roost for quite some time and now needs some tough love in order to rein her in. She is going to be a teen in no time and will be out of control if you dont do something about it immediately. I’m a teacher with 27 years of experience. I raised my kids by myself and had to be tough. I’ve seen kids ruling the roost as kids and more often than not they go on to get into trouble. Good luck.

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Sounds like she needs a good ol fashion ass whooping and sent to a boot camp

I’m sorry but it’s called juvie for a reason.

Put her in boot camp or mental hospital to be evaluated… she might need medication and she will also learn others aren’t gonna put up with her bs

Sounds like she has alot of anger and needs to seek some sort of pne and one therapy AND family therapy/ counseling as well.

You say she’s been through “a lot” but we don’t know what that means. My 12 year old daughter lost her dad at 2 and her sister when she was 5. She’s had diagnosed phobias and separation anxiety. She’ll act out, but NOT like that. If she’s been through a lot, she needs counseling, understanding, compassion and love. I’m not saying her behavior should be condoned, but there’s something going on, and it needs to be figured out. Good luck and prayers to both of you!

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Spend one on one time with her, make her feel extra loved and let her know how precious she is too you.

She’s probably Pissed at you for having another baby when uve hardly been there for her.

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Therapy. And your fiance sounds like he is bothered by the child being rude towards you guys. Probably nothing to do with not loving y’all. He’s just as frustrated. Definitely not a pos.

First of all, get rid of the man that treats you like shit. Be a mother first. 3 years of partially bring in the life of your pre-teen isn’t shit.

She’s acting out her anger because you’re still not being her mother. Her behavior is strictly a result of your choices. As far as her putting her hands on your mom and calling you names, that’s unacceptable. You, her and your mom need counceling. The fiance needs to go.

I did those things to my adopted mom(my aunt). I had issues and it took a lot of one on one girl time for me to open up fully about what was wrong. Maybe try that

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She needs help. So do you guys. Its out of hand

Put her up against the wall and show her how is the boss of the house. Be more strick or your going to be in a lot of trouble down the road. It’s called TOUGH LOVE

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A cry for help. Needs a counselor who is neutral.

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I was raised old school and as old as i am i will never even attempt to lift my hand for my Mother or Grandmother because i know that would be the end of my days i dont know what ur daughter has been throu but i know i never had a easy childhood eather im the eldist of 4 and im the only girl so correct me if im wrong but that story of “she’s just acting out because you had another baby” is crap i would have got a beating of my life and not even from my mum from my grandmother who raised me yes in todays day n age its not right to hit ur child but i feel that somtimes they need it im a mother of a lil boy and exspecting baby no.2 but when he gets out of hand without a dought ill bring him back in line with a spank or two i feel that kids of today are very disrespectful because they know that they have too much rights and my guess on this is ur hubby is trying to keep him cool because shes a girl and he dosent lose it with her good luck to you and ur fam be strong :kissing_heart:

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Madea says, " The belt still has the POWER if you use it".

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I am sure she is angry about losing her place in your heart. Your boyfriend is not her father and doesn’t love her. May it is time for her to go live with her dad. She is not having a stable home life with you. So let her go be with her real dad. This boyfriend is just that.

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She needs counseling and compassion . That dont work juvi. The bf may be frustrated but still should be compassionate to you if he is being hateful and talking bad to you he needs to go.

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Ignore all the spastics saying to hit her and put her up against the wall, my guess is if she’s been through a lot she needs therapy get her into extracurricular activities like sports music or dance, maybe martial arts where she can safely under supervision get her anger out

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None of us can tell you how to handle any of this. Because a major part of details isn’t there.

Do you argue with your said Fiance in front of her? Besides arguing over her, do you guys argue over other stuff? Does she happen to say why she hits any of you? What leads up to her calling you out of name?

I know this, as a younger person than majority here, most teens that act out usually belong to parents that aren’t acting as a parent. You can’t yell and scream at your kids, don’t over work them on their “chores”, be there as a parent and as a human. They aren’t your pet, they aren’t your slave, they are your kids and a human as well.

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Hmm? Your fiance is mean and hateful towards you? Your daughter sees this? And you wonder why your daughter doesn’t respect you? Yes your daughter is conflicted but slapping Grandma is a ‘NO’ !! Talking back is a test what will you overlook? I got slapped once, but I was arguing about her racial mentality and how she treated our animals. I still stand by what I said, didn’t talk to her for 2 weeks. Did my chores and all but had no use for her. I never slapped her or my Grandmother. I am wondering if a threat of boot camp would wake her up. Would she want to live somewhere else here is a thought. Or next time you slap me we will have the police here. We don’t know what your daughter has been through so hard to know what to counter.

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Call juvenile on her next time she hits someone. She needs to know it’s not on

Sounds like shes mirroring his disrespect for you. You need to seek counseling. Then be prepared with the ide to leave him or deal if he decides not to change. But SHE will always be watching.

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Next time she hits you call the cops and scare her straight

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Scared straight :person_shrugging::person_shrugging: honestly I’d take her there or maybe a month in a group home. She should straighten right up :person_shrugging::person_shrugging:

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She definitely needs therapy. But you need to put your foot down. Because it doesnt matter what she has been through, it doesnt give her the right to act this way. Quit making excuses for her. She is being emotionally and physically abusive. Stop it now. A good leather belt is helpful. Remember, YOU are the parent, not the friend. If you step in right now, someday she will appreciate it.

I’d knock her on her ass. Try it a couple times. See what happens. My 18 year old thought she because she was of age she could talk to me any way she wanted. And she called me a bitch. I smacked the hell outta her. Stood over her and dared her to get up and call me a bitch again. I dont play. I’m old school 100%. You dont disrespect me or any adult. It’s an ass whooping if you do. And MAY GOD HELP YOU if you ever lay a hand on my mama. Flat out.

Sounds like she’s asking for help in unloving ways, as it’s not being listened to in any other form. Time to worry less about your relationship, and start putting your child, that clearly needs counselling, and maybe to see a doctor, as there can be underlying medical problems, causing this. You won’t find out what is causing this behaviour if you don’t talk to her, and get her the help she needs. I think that you all having family counselling on top of any help got for your child, would also be advice-able, being that what you have put really doesn’t sound like any of you are in the right head space to be able to support her enough. Try being a better listener, take her out of the toxic home, and somewhere she will be able to relax and feel like she can open up. Be compassionate and empathetic, this child sounds like she needs to feel more secure and loved.

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Give her a foot up the arse and make her do chores on a regular basis. GET HER INTO SPORT AND SWIMMING AS WELL AS COUNSELLING TO SORT THROUGH HER ANGER ISSUES

I’d smack the shit outta her! All be damn if I’d allow any of that mouth and them them arms would be broke! Then tell her try it again bitch!

Bear her ass why is parents so afaid to beat there kids asses

You should never have shacked up with this man. Your child knows right from wrong. She knows we alter is the first place you go with a marriage certificate on your mind. Then and only then do you have sex and you’re home with your male friend. She is totally justified for being upset with you mother of this teenager.
Did you raise her thinking that she could shack up with her boyfriend and have a child out of wedlock? Is she thinking about a male in her life that she wants to have sex with? She may not be right for calling you ugly names but you need to own up to your behavior before you discipline her.

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Professional help. ASAP.

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Therapy might help. Seeking outside help will show her that its not okay. If it continues scare her and call the police. She could really hurt one of you and needs to know that there are consequences for her actions. Good luck and hang in there.

She needs to see a psychiatrist asap! And it sounds like you and your fiance could use some counseling to heal as well.

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If she hits anyone, call the police each time.

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Call the police. See how clever she feels sat in a cell. Worked for me yeah I have a criminal record but I got it in care fighting. Nobody owed me anything apart from myself. And I failed me.

I have a question. Why in the hell are you with a man that is violent to you? His ass needs to be locked up with restraining orders against him. Then you and your babies need to move away from him and start over from scratch.

Did your mom raise your daughter? Did you one day when you were a bit more mature take the reigns? Us the fiance trying to be a disciplinary figure?
Your life sounds pretty chaotic, your blaming your daughter for ruining your relationship with your finance.
Focus on you & your daughter. She needs her mom not step in parents. That’s confusing for a kid & can lead to these behaviors. Hitting is not a puberty behavior.

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It sounds like she’s crying out for help, hurt people hurt people. Having a,disrespectful man around while she is going through things isn’t helping. Children come first…get her help.

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The scared straight program I APPLAUD!! Best of luck.

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