How to potty train a girl?

Thoughts and advice on teaching a four and a half year old girl potty train? She knows she supposed to tell us when she has to go but she doesn’t tell us until she already did her business… and she will hide under table or go to her room then come back and say she peed or poopy I mean it wasn’t hard for my baby sister she learned at 1 almost 2 years old.
She doesn’t live with us but we get her overnight every other weekend and on Thursdays and I feel like her mom to lazy to try to teach her since she has her new bf and is pregnant so maybe to much on her plate? and we are worried that when it comes to her going to school it will be harder no judgement on her but we got to get this going cause diapers aren’t cheap and she is peeing a lot like a grown child and poop too not no baby dirty diaper no more. No bashing on me I’m just looking for advice not people to judge on my thoughts… TIA:)


Have you tried reward charts? Positive reinforcement usually works best. She’s old enough to understand that she needs to use the toilet.

1 Like

Really try to get her mom on board first, because even if she does well with you guys, shes going to lose that at her moms.


Bribery. . A tootsie roll or something every time she uses the toilet…

Worked on my 3…

And I’ll let you know, schools where I am. … won’t take kids that aren’t potty trained… my oldest is on the spectrum. . He didn’t get potty trained, not due to lack of trying, until a week before he started school…

Thankfully! Since they had already made it clear that he won’t be allowed to attend units he was potty trained. Since no one gets paid to change diapers at an elementary school. .

Tootsie rolls were what did it. . And I tried EVERYTHING! Bought ALL the books! Went to a couple classes… did online thing…

Bribery worked… after about 2 months no more candy needed. .


First step is talk to her mom and get her on board about how important it is for her to be out of diapers by the time school starts. Not only for the age factor, but for social purposes … even at 5-6 years old kids can be super mean! I didn’t have my son potty trained until he was over 4 too, and I knew if he wasn’t it was going to be rough in school. Some schools won’t even allow a child to start until they’re trained. He’s about finished his first year of kindergarten and he’s been fine all year minus an accident or two.

Try a reward system. Tell her if she goes all day without peeing in her pants, she can have a lollipop or something. Give a bigger reward for pooping (it’s a harder task for kids to grip), give her a small toy from the dollar store or take her out for ice cream and to a playground ! But if she has an accident, don’t make her feel bad. Just explain to her that it’s not okay, but you’re not mad and that you expect her to tell you next time she has to go because pee/poop is gross and doesn’t belong in her pants, only the toilet. Cut out diapers completely during the day!! Pull-ups at night is fine until you get the day time down - one step at a time girl !! Night time isn’t so much of a worry as day time for the moment. Pick your battles and fight them consistently, don’t give up on her!

Or make a sticker chart with her favourite tv characters. Make a column for each day of the week (Monday-Sunday) and give her a sticker every day she successfully goes without having an accident, and let her pick out the sticker, etc. Once she reaches the end of the week (if the chart is full) let her pick out a prize from a bag (get a bunch of knickknacks from the dollar store and put them in a pretty gift bag)

See if you can keep her for a week and just keep her pant less and set a timer and make her go sit every 15-20 mins


If Mom doesn’t do it with y’all then nothing you do is going to work so first you have to get Mom in board but she should be starting school soon and this has to be done before she does.

She has to be potty trained before ahe goes to school.wonder if she okly does this when taken away from her will do that.its a seperation anxiety.Maybe her daddy should talk to her kommy about it.

Show her the sign language sign for potty. My daughter is 2.8yrs old. She has a speech develope delay so I be teaching her the sign language sign.

My step daughter was like 8 or 9 when we finally got her to stop having accidents all the time. We got her on weekends during that time, and she would come with a pack of pull ups every time, because that’s what her mom and grandma put on her. She would just sit there and pee on herself because it wasn’t a commercial break or because she didn’t wanna stop playing. We had to wake her up every few hours throughout the night to use the restroom when we decided to stop letting her wear pullups at our house because she would pee and then get up and change her clothes and sheets three or four times a night. After a few weeks of doing that during the summer, she quit having accidents.

If the mother doesn’t reinforce it full-time, it’s going to be virtually impossible for you to do it. Try to speak with the mother and see if it will do any good. A 4 1/2 year old child (unless medical issues) in diapers is bordering on neglect. Schools won’t take her and a lot of preschools even.


I used stickers for my granddaughter. She go 1 if she peed and 2 if she pooped, and she got to stick them on the potty. Four year old has a lot going on in her life, different homes, new man and baby coming. Girls usually train around 2, I think. Boys are generally a bit later.


Well first stop comparing her to another child. All children are different. You gotta have both houses on board or its just not gonna work…we told my middle daughter she can’t go to school if shes in diapers(that helped her because her older sister was in school) kids in my county/state can go to preschool/kindergarten in diapers. No child left behind… Her issue at the age of 4(gasp i neglected my daughter by not having her fully potty trained by 4)was mostly at night. (She regressed a bit due to the divorce her father and i were going through… He cheated with my ex bff ans get her pregnant)

1 Like

You can use reward charts, bribery, regular underwear, etc.
As uncomfortable as it is, talk to her mom. Many districts won’t take 5yr olds who aren’t potty trained.

1 Like

Stop diapers. Use just underwear. My son had the problem of not gojng in potty. I threw out pull ups, and only used underwear. Nothing else. and he didnt like how it felt when he went in his underwear, so after a couple days he went potty.


No more diapers or pullups. Panties only. But if mom isn’t training her too it’s gonna be basically impossible


Also, a friend of mine brought her niece over once, and my husband was handing out popsicles, and as soon as she got hers, my friend discovered she peed her pants and took the popsicle away and ate it in front of her. And every since that little girl never had anymore accidents. Lol


Without every single adult who cares for her on the same page it’s close to impossible.

1 Like

No diapers or pull-ups. Turn the tv off. Tell her it’s because she chooses to pee her pants when she watches it. Bring her to the washroom at regular intervals and let her know that no “fun” will continue or start until she uses the washroom.

She may just not be ready. Some kids see poop as part of themselves and you want to make it disappear by flushing it. I agree with all the above. All responsible people in her life need to be on board. It helps, but not necessarily the only way. One grandson learned to potty himself at my house but refused at his other grandma’s. I gave him books to keep him on until he went. Lots of praise. Now he yells, “grandma! I need a book!” when he’s in the bathroom.

This happened to my cousin, when her mom had a new bf and baby sometimes children refuse to potty train in order to still feel like a “baby” in order to not feel rushed to grow up…( that’s coming from the therapist that saw him) idk if that’s the case or not or if she’s regressed at all… if not, and it’s truly an issue with potty training… then maybe ask the mom if you can keep her for a couple weeks or so and then you just do it. Sounds like the mom might be ok with that idea especially if she’s pregnant and overwhelmed


Try the treat trick . Or I know with ME , I used to that as well lol … it’s mean but it worked with me . My mom made me sit in cold wet undies for a bit … I didn’t like it and I cried lol but I didn’t do it again ! Maybe once or twice . I didn’t like the feeling so I started using the potty .

Every other weekend isn’t consistent enough for a child, especially if no one else is on the same page.


By her some special princess panties and tell her that princesses don’t soil their panties. Also get a children’s book on potty training and read it to her. Leave it my the toilet. Reward her for when she does use the potty. You will have to take a whole day or too to train her. Don’t scold only positive reinforcement.

My daughter was same. Turns out she was scared of knickers of all things as teacher had told her off as she hadnt wiped properly. She was only turned three at time. Took 18 mths to finally get them on her fully. But my advice is just chuck nappys away. Go cold turkey. Yes it will mean bit off mess first few days but she soon started using loo. We also said all her friends are big girls at school and use loo. They will laugh at her if still in nappies

1 Like

Its way more uncomfortable to pee yourself without a diaper or pull up on so i would say just stop putting them on her. At 4 & a half she should be potty trained if there is no medical issue.

1 Like

I think going back to basics will help don’t wait for her to say just start taking her every hour when she is with you and then slowly spread the time out. Once you get no more potty in her pants under control start giving her the responsibility back of having to tell you

Pick up a book by Foxx- Azrin called toilet training in less than a day. It’s behavior modification styled and it works. Modify it to what works for you

Take her and make her sit on the toilet every 30 minutes for 5 minutes (or until she does her business). Make her wear big girl panties too. Let her know she needs to be potty trained before she can go to school. Because schools don’t allow kids to attend that aren’t potty trained unless there is a disability or delays that require an IEP. Have you husband talk to the mom and tell her the same thing. She needs to be on the same page otherwise potty training is going to take forever and cause that poor girl lots of embarrassment in the process.

Id make her rinse her panties out herself and clean up the mess. I would also have prize box with little prizes for going in potty

Get the child her very own pottie with her name on it. Put it in the bathroom and remember a small book place near by. Or a sticker place near the pottie. Make her a very special place just for her. She’ll get the hint. And praise her a lot.

Take off the diaper and pulls ups. Let her have a few accidents and that might make her want to use the toilet.

Wow, that’s tough. I wouldn’t buy her anymore pull-ups. What is wrong with her mother? That is crazy.

some kids just are not ready. my 3 and 4 yr old are unfortunately not potty trained…and its because they refuse. I sure as fuck am not lazy and neither is anyone else.

No diapers no pullups. Sounds like she already is well aware that she shouldn’t be using a diaper and knows when she needs to go. At this point she had a accident i would be making her clean it and herself up. Keep taking her to potty offten and keep at it.

1 Like

Ya… Pregnancy is no excuse not to teach your kid how to use the bathroom. That’s pure fricken laziness. I was prego n training my 1 year old with my 2 oldest n they’re 2 years apart. Keep on her. Keep asking if she has to go. Never let her out of your sight. Keep putting her on the potty. She’s too old to NOT be potty trained