How to potty train a girl?

Fan Question

  • V :dizzy:

Hi guys, I really need your help I am at a loss. My daughter is gonna be 3 in a couple months. She continually goes poop in her underwear and/or diaper. How I went about it was explaining to her when how we use the bathroom (she has a mini toilet she never used and didn’t seem to like, went with the little seat in the big toilet). Rewarded with candy and small toys. She did well at first with having both down but last 2-3 weeks, she will not go poop in the toilet. She doesn’t have specific times when she goes poop during the days. I showed her the dirty underwear, she knows its gross, she knows she needs to go to the toilet. We have even spanked her when she goes in her underwear or diaper (sometimes I will do diapers some days because I can’t keep throwing away the underwear). She knows she will get candy if she goes in the toilet. On her underwear, sometimes theres like a little line of poop on it as if she is pushing. I have watched her I cant tell when she is pushing to take her. She doesnt even pee at night or during naps. How to I teach her. We have taken toys away, amenities, I dont know what I’m doing wrong.

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You can not spank or punish. It is a process. Take her to the potty every 15 minutes 30 minutes. It is hard work but necessary.

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  1. Why do you throw away the underwear instead of washing it?
  2. She’s still little
  3. Punishing her for pooping just makes them afraid to poop at all anywhere and causes medical and psychological problems. Just remind her that big girls go poopy on the potty and one day she’ll get there
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My child is over 3 and he refuses to go potty. He knows how to he is just incredibly stubborn. I’ve just given up on underwear. I take him potty as often as I can and hopefully he changes his mind

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Some kids are just afraid to poop on the potty. You can try turning her around so she is facing the tank so there’s something to hold onto. It may be that she has hard stools that are painful.

Simply stop trying so hard. It’s a matter of control. Let her own it. Be matter of fact in the cleanup of accidents. Don’t do negative attention. Only positive attention when she succeeds. Let it be her choice.

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Following. I’m having the same issue. My little girl is three and will pee in a toilet but not poop. She hides to poop and if I catch her before she gets it in her panties she wont go at all she will hold it in. I’ve tried everything and cant get her to go poop.

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First of all never spank your kid for going in their underwear second no diapers ever wash the underwear dont be lazy. Third you can’t make her when she is ready she is ready. Reward when she goes on the potty with just a high five dont praise to much my kids hated that. When she does go in her underwear dump it I to the toilet and show her that’s where the poopy is supposed to go without scolding her. Potty training isnt suppose to be scary.

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Have her see a GI specialist. She could have internal problems, my son is 6 and he does. Dont continue to punish or spank her until you know she doesn’t have a medical issue.
And dont throw away her underwear, wash them out in the bath then throw in the washer. Their used to be days my son would go through 10 pair of underwear.

wash the underware after scraping it into the toilet rinse it in the toilet or in a sink that you can easily clean and instead of spanking or punishing her have her wash the underwear ive heard this one works pretty well but punishing her for it with spanking or taking things away can make it worse from what i understand

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Spanking her? I’m no. That’s wrong and will make her afraid to go…

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Don’t punish for accidents! They will poop in the potty when they are ready. Continue to encourage it and ask if she would like to go in the potty. My son asked for his diaper to poop for several months until one day, he just up and decided he would start to poop in the potty. Once upon a potty was a great book for us. Lots of positive reinforcement worked for us and Lots of patience. She will get there. :heart:

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Make them go without diaper or undies. Try going naked for the day. Tell her. You cant poop on the floor 💁

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Punishing is literally undoing all the hard work you put in. If you can make something with lots of fiber in it for like breakfast and help her get on a bit more of a regular pooping schedule for even a few months, it will help her understand and get in the hang of going in the toilet!

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does she have a stool … some kids are afraid they’re going to fall when they push to get the poop out so a little stool might help

also you shouldn’t need to throw away every pair of underwear… just wash them but going back and forth between underwear and diapers only causes confusion

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No punishing her at all. Reward with high 5 when she does in potty. No diapers. And wash underwear dont throw away

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Sign up for some parenting classes asap
You do NOT punish a child for not being ready because YOU are
Stop rushing her

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Please please don’t put any negative reactions around going to the bathroom. Kids will hold it then. Holding poop will cause her colon to expand, making it harder for her to go and will lose feeling to alert her when it’s time to go. It’s a vicious cycle. You do not want to start this process. Start a routine. Have her sit on the potty for 10 minutes after every meal. Do something fun during that time. If she goes great, if she doesn’t great. But no, spanking/punishing your kid will not work - only make things much worse.

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You have to stop punishing her. A child should never be punished for pooping or peeing in their pants. It makes them afraid to go, so please stop. Also, wash the underwear and stop throwing them away. That’s what laundry detergent is for. :woman_facepalming:

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Never punish or spank when potty training… It will only cause setbacks. Give lots of praise for her accomplishments- even if they are small - it’s a very new concept going on the toilet in her world…
Stop tossing the undies… Flush the chunks, rinse the poo then bleach in the wash…
Be calm about it and try mirror method- explain its just what people do. When she gets it right then give praise a sticker or something she would enjoy. Get potty books, movies, a potty doll … Put Lots of encouraging things around her to keep reminding her its something to do. Kids forget cycles of things through out the day unless reminded, esp the younger the more forgetful.

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I made our daughter go bottomless while in the house, during potty training. At first I didn’t, but then realized that nothing else was working. She started using the potty after that because I guess she didn’t want to go on the floor. It worked for us after nothing else did.

My daughter is 3 and pees on the potty all the time, but will not poop at all. She tells me when she has to poop and she puts her own pull up on and stands in the bathroom to poop. I praise her for recognizing the feeling and for her telling me and putting on her pull up. I always offer the potty. My thought is, she’s not going to do this forever. She will eventually poop on the potty. But don’t punish her. Always encourage. It’ll happen. But it has to be on her terms when she’s ready.

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Don’t punish her, be patient, this takes time & it will happen when she is ready, don’t over stress you or her. My trick for my son was his tablet , he got to play with ot while sitting on potty & was rewarded after for maybe 10 minutes, then we turned off the tablet, it really worked well for us! You could use a different kind of toy or play tablet, but something she really likes or wants, hope this helps!

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Put her back in pullups.Sit her on the toilet several times a day like 30 minutes after giving her watered down juice (prune or apple) Stop rewards of candy for pooping.Also don’t spank.but do tell her little babies wear pullups and Ness in their pants.

Spanking/punishing will only make her afraid!!! My oldest was ALMOST 4 literally 2 months shy and WE TRIED EVERYTHING, I introduced her young to the potty etc. I felt like a failure and like I was doing something wrong everyone had an opinion but the more I pushed the more she pushed back then she finally did it on her own and 2 years later no issues. :woman_shrugging:t2: id let her be. She’ll go when she’s ready to go.

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My daughter is almost 3 and still prefers her little potty to poop in. We knew when she had to poop because she would ask for a diaper. Pee was easier than poop to train. It just takes time for her to sit on the potty, you need to sit with her, no underwear or diaper and have her stay there watch TV or read a book but stay there with her until she poops. Use the potty she prefers and don’t punish if she’s not perfect, accidents happen.

Why do you throw out the underwear? Let it soak in oxiclean, it comes right out when you wash! I went through this and spanking was 100% effective. Or we’d make fun and be like ewwwwwwwww, then we’d all laugh about it so it wasn’t completely negative, but it worked!

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If she doesn’t go at a regular time it makes me think maybe she’s having constipation issues. It’s possible to be “backed up” so that some leaks out which could be where the stains come from. I’d ask her doctor about that. Punishing her at such a young age isn’t necessary but rewards for good behavior could be beneficial. It’s a process though and consistency is key. As mothers we do the best we can and all we do know how to do and y’all will get there together. :heart:

If she was doing it and now she isn’t, something is up. Getting angry will make her afraid of telling you she had an accident or has to go, the whole situation will be negative for her. My son stopped going on the toilet one time because he got constipated and when he went it was a little painful so from then on the toilet was a terror for him. He eventually got over it because I told him that it was ok to be scared but if that’s what he chose to do he was going to have to clean it. After about a week of cleaning poopy underpants he decided it was nasty and was done with it. Why are you throwing them away?

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No need to throw underwear out. Hydrogen peroxide takes out all bodily fluids. Poop,puke,blood etc.

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Do not punish. I can not stress that enough. When you punish, it’s undoing everything. Don’t make them feel bad for doing a natural bodily function.

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I gave my kids something to write on…magna doodle, Crayola magic markers/coloring books. Works the same as we do with reading or being on the phone when we poop :poop: :joy: They were all potty trained by 2 yrs old doing that and using Pull-Ups with their favorite cartoon design.

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Spanking and punishing will not help in potty training. Please don’t do this anymore.

If candy is her reward, she should not be given candy at any other times of the day or by other family members. Maybe the candy isn’t motivating enough for her. Ask her what she wants her reward to be

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My stepdaughter is almost 9 & still does this but both parents don’t think anythings wrong so I guess shes going to do it forever. I feel bad for her though because the smell is obviously awful but she will do just about anything for attention so… :woman_facepalming:t3:

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Be patient. DO NOT PUNISH OR SHAME YOUR CHILD - do not tell her that only babies wear pull-ups (or anything like that). Be supportive and proud and encouraging when she does use the potty - PRAISE HER SITTING ON IT! Praise her knowing when she needs to go - even if she doesn’t quite get there in time.

STOP PUNISHING HER. Punishment does not work. Some people learn in spite of being punished… people do not learn as a result of being punished. When you punish a child you teach them to be afraid of you.

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accidents are accidents spanking isn’t gonna help anything when if comes to the potty training and putting a diaper on her is just starting back at square one PATIENCE! 🤦‍♀🔛

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Seriously? For one, your laziness by putting her in diapers is a big part of the problem. You don’t need to throw away underwear when she poops in them. You scrub them out and wash them. It’s really not that difficult. And spanking a child for having an accident??? What the heck is wrong with you??? :woman_facepalming:

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Good lord. Mine are 19,15&14… after a while they got whippings for doing it not by accident but I could tell it was just to do it and guess what… THEYRE RESPECTFUL Young adults now with no “ I was spanked” complex just as my husband and I. You know your child and only you know her. If you feel a spanking is warranted that she’s doing it for the heck of it and not by accident then yes by all means spank her. If it’s accidental… I say maybe not. But mine would sneak off and do it which told me they knew better! So you do things and you correct your child how you see fit. Most of all don’t give up and don’t go off what everyone says. Use your momma instinct.

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Pull ups and have them go each morning usually the cold helps and first thing people do in the morning is use the washroom… ask frequently and praise SOOOO MUCH on the good and less on the mistake. They truly dont mean too.

Positive reinforcement only, punishing her does no good. She’s only 3, got have to be patient.

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Please don’t spank to toilet train. Wash out soiled underwear. Soak in a bucket of water with pinesol. Nylon panties wash out best.

It is normal for them to regress in toileting. Try just keeping at it. The underwear can be washed, so, none to throw them away. Plop the poop, put it in the washer or handwash and hang dry. Expect that she will have accidents. She is being trained to do it. More than anything, I always made them put it in the washer. It helped them to understand that they will clean it up (I cleaned the pee off of the floor), but they have to put it in the washer, with my supervision.

I had to make my oldest daughter wash her own poopie undies out in the toilet with her hands. I of course had her wash her hands really well afterwards. But after 3 times of doing that she stopped pooping her pants.

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So for 1 I wouldnt punish her for it, it could be that she is scared. Try taking her with you when you go to the bathroom. You just have to keep trying. Be consistent. For 2, WHY are you throwing out the underwear?? That is just wasteful and causing a huge expense. Swish them around in the toilet to get the majority off of them. Then wash them.

My daughter did this for a couple months when she was mad or being punished n I made her clean it n that was the last time she did it!!! But could be constipated too

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If you think she’s backed up or you just want to get her on a poop schedule then feed her prunes or other tasty fiber.

Sounds to me like she’s scared to go to the toilet because of punishment. And accident when learning is just that, we’re the teachers and if you’re teaching her that poop = punishment then she will be scared to do it hence hiding it and doing it in her pants.
Sorry this is a struggle for you, parenting is always something interesting.
Bring the excitement back for your little one, she needs it. Watch her light up and get excited about the potty again. It’ll make your heart warm

My son withheld himself I had to give him 4 enemas in one month doc said go back to diapers because he had backed himself up give him Miralax until he gets regular again then try again and it worked he eventually started going on his own

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Please don’t punish her for her bodily functions. Is she constipated? When my 3 year old was and it hurt her to go she stopped going at all because she was scared of the hurt again. She had been potty trained for almost a year at that point, and when she would fall asleep she would poop her pants because her body finally relaxed. I’m sure it’s not the exact same situation but there can be so many reasons why this is happening besides her stubborn.

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Dont throw the undies away!! Make HER scrub them! Make her clean her butt!

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If she’s not even 3 yet, u shouldn’t be punishing her. At her age, lids do have regressions. Don’t throw the underwear away, just wash them. Rinse the poop out & then use a stain remover. My son didn’t poop in the potty until he was almost 4

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Um. She’s 3 not 13. Take a chill pill. She’ll get it when she gets it. And spanking her for having an accident will only lead to more issues down the road.

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Slapping her when she goes in her underwear is what you are doing wrong. She’s not even 3 for crying out loud.

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My granddaughter was pooping in her panties half the time up until 3 -1/2 yrs old. Tried everything and nothing worked but FINALLY she stopped. She still wets on a rare occasion during her nap.

Go naked. Make them sit on potty every 15-30 mins

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Ok so negative punishments do not work for potty training your child is only nearly 3 mine is a couple mo ths short of 4 and still not wanting to go potty to poop. I would never smack her for having an accident especially at that age… that’s parenting it’s hard work you have to put the hours in sit her on the potty or toilet every 15 mins or so when she does poop in her undies instead of throwing them out instead of smacking her instead of getting mad at a baby for doing what the body does try taking the dirty undies flush the poop out and scrub them in the laundry basin. Let her help every time so she knows A. Where the poop belongs and B. That pooping her knickers gets no reward but cleaning the mess. And everytime she does go to the toilet dont just give candy give stickers on a chart of days of the week. If you dont qork with your child they dont know how to communicate with you in the long run. I’m hoping my daughter will be potty trained by the end of the year but we will keep try try trying again. :blush:

I don’t know if this is the best solution, but you could try “throwing away” one of her toys every time she poops in her panties. And explain that every time she does it, another toy gets thrown. Just fish the toy out if the garbage when she’s not looking and put it up.

First, I’d never punish her for going in her underwear unless it’s a time out. She’s learning, it’s a new experience. Second, children tend to do that with poop, it’s like they’re losing a part of themselves. My daughter wasn’t going in the toilet because she thought it was disgusting (as she’d state) more so then going in her underwear? Lol and Third, stop putting the diapers on her. It’s confusing.

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I potty trained my daughter in about 3-4 days. I did it during Christmas vacation because I was home with her for the entire week. At first I bought all the cute undies but after a few accidents I decided why even bother! I made her go with no diaper or undies and she learned right away. Sure, she had a few accidents but she was trained by the end of the week. Good luck, it’s not easy!

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Don’t reward with candy or anything like that if you can help it because it’s not sustainable. Don’t go back to diapers once you switch so she knows there’s no going back. Finally don’t put negative reinforcement in place for bodily functions, making her scared to go to the bathroom isn’t helping anyone. Feed her some fiber and keep her home naked for the weekend, keep the little potty in the same room she’s in and move it closer to the bathroom every day she’s successful or just stay really close to the bathroom. She will learn but you need to also learn to be patient.

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Sounds like she is regressing, my daughter did this so I guess you have to find out why, not an easy process sorry.

She’s not ready yet…

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I’ll tell you what your doing wrong. Being a piece of shit by “spanking her” for being 3 and STILL LEARNING. You need to learn to be patient, or don’t have kids period

I find it crazy that people think its ok to not have a child potty trained at 3 & 4… I mean, if its medical its 1 thing but… I just don’t get it. Maybe I was lucky, all 3 of mine were around 2.

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Man…just let her walk around bottoms off…over a weekend. Leave potty seats out…have her sit on one…praise every time she does it…ignore the rest. Positive reinforcement…

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You are doing EVERYTHING wrong. For one, stop whooping her for using the potty in her panties. That will cause regression, basically making her not want to use the potty. You are whooping a small child, for something that is YOUR fault. And for 2, do not switch between diapers and panties. Giiiiirl. You are confusing your baby. Panties only. She will catch the drift fast.

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Punishment can have the opposite affect, there is a medical name for it but the kids could end up holding their bowels and having a lot of medical complications because they are scared of being punished for going. My daughter is autistic and it was hard to potty train her. I had to take her to the potty on a schedule every couple of hours for days so she just got used to sitting on the potty and eventually she started going when she sat down, after awhile she started using it on her own. The first couple days I put her in a dress with no under wear, then I added underwear so she could get used to them in the routine. It took a long time for her to make through nighttime but I started getting her up in the night when I have to go so she could go to, reminding her before bed and in the morning to potty and she eventually started doing it herself. It takes time, dedication, and consistency on your part but will be a lot easier on both you and her in the end than spanking. It will also help encourage bonding between you because its a positive way to support her needs.

She shouldn’t be in diapers at this point if you want this to work so stop wasting money and WASH the underwear, even if there is a stain they can still be worn and you can’t spank them unless they have been completely potty trained for sometime. Calm down and just keeping taking her to the potty and when she uses it make a big deal if how good she did but you don’t have to give prizes cause she could start to think that she should get them Everytime.

Have her wear nothing at home and take her every 45 mins or so and sit with her.
(You can also take when you go. Seriously. If she sees you going and you’re ok, she will learn from you)
Make sure she’s hydrated and it doesn’t hurt her to go. Some kids, as they get bigger, they may have to push and to do so too hard. Also, some kids don’t like the splash. 🤷 It can also be toilet paper. I had “flushable wipes” that I put in the trash. It was softer and easier to use.
Get a few small books and when you sit with her, let her pick a book while she goes. If she actually poops, she can get 2 books next time.
Also, some kids do this for attention. Even negative attention so make sure you’re spending time with her and praising her for when does go or helps out.
It can be a process and it is what it is. Just keep loving on her, taking her in there, talking to her and reassuring her.
Personally, I’d save the spanking for when she’s older and doing it to be defiant.
Usually kids have a reason and we have to figure it out. You’re not failing. It’ll all work out. :green_heart::green_heart:

Don’t punish her for something that is a normal bodily function,kids take a step forward and then 2 steps back it’s normal for her to do this, my grandson is 3 going to be 4 in October and because of a family member *punishing him *for pooping in his nappy he now hides in his tent in his room and is afraid of his mum doing the same thing. We have told him that we won’t but he is afraid of this :grimacing::grimacing::grimacing:

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All of it, you’re doing everything wrong if you’re spanking a not even 3 year old over pooping in her undies. Toddlers are imperfect, they mess up many times before mastering something. The more you use negative reinforcement for the potty, the more she will regress. I don’t understand why anyone in the world would spank over this at that age, if at all. Even once kids are fully trained if they start to so that, it’s them saying emotionally they need something and they don’t know how to say it so it is OUR job to help them. You don’t teach kids by scaring them. You teach kids by teaching them.

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Make her wash out her poopy underwear… put her on the counter by sink. Put her on some gloves and add some dish soap… make her scrub the yucky. Tell her how icky it makes her panties look… and that she will continue to clean them every time she poops…

It works… trust me… it will either gross her out… or she will throw a fit not wanting to… be the parent and make her… tell her… its nasty and big girls have to clean up their messes.

Consequences. Accountability.
Responsibility.

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sometimes it takes way up in there age, depends solely on the child, even my son at school in 1st grade and have accidents. I just takes time,

I use to take mine with me and too the restroom with me Thats how i broke her. But each kid is different and will go when they are ready

Ps stop throwing away the panties good lord. Combination of Clorox 2 stain treatment and tide pods have removed every single stain I’ve ever washed, even set in

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Please do not spank, punish, ect for normal bodily functions. She may not even realize when she’s got to go. And then your punishing her for going so soon enough she will hold it in and force herself not to go because she is getting punished for pooping. Plus she is 3, give it a chance. Reward and positive reinforcement is the best thing. Every hour she doesn’t poop in her underwear praise her, give her a sticker. Plus you may want to just let her go with nothing on. I have 5 children and everyone has learned with no cloths on. Underwear is still something against their body like a diaper. Let her wear a big t-shirt with nothing on her bottom and just let her walk around and go about her day. She will feel pee run down her leg, poop falling out. Pick the poop up with her and let her flush it. She needs to feel the poop coming out. And do not make her feel bad about pooping. If she thinks it’s a bad thing she will hold it in. Children have known to become impacted from holding it in. Good luck.

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Your daughter isn’t a dog for one. Positive reinforcement. Children learn by example. Bring her to the bathroom with you so she can see you using the toilet. Children idolize their parents, you’ve probably hurt her little heart and now she’s scared to tell you she has to go.

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I agree with the not punishing … I would try watching her close for any signs it might be time to go … also take her to the potty every few hours to give a try. No diapers. Maybe a new potty with her favorite Disney theme or whatever would help. I like the idea of having her clean the yucky (at least help) out of the panties - that would get old quick I would think - this can be done without belittling, tell her it’s ok, but that if she potties in her undies instead of the potty, they have to be cleaned.

Have you ever seen a grown woman that still poops her pants?

Answer is no!

Calm down about this. You’re making it a much bigger problem than it is.

It sounds like you’re not taking her to the potty frequently enough. And I know it’s not fun taking them every 20 minutes. But if that’s what it takes until she “gets it” then do it.

p.s. stop spanking your child. It has absolutely no positive outcome - EVER!!

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Maybe it hurts when she goes so she is holding back and finally can’t hold it back anymore.

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Why not use pull ups?

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Stop punishing her!!! :face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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Why the hell are there angry reacts? All these perfect moms, lol, must be nice.
I’m literally in the EXACT same boat!!! She will literally put a pull up on herself, she hates to poop on the potty.

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My daughter has lazy bowel syndrome, basically she gets so constipated that her bowels become obstructed. She’ll then constantly soil herself. We have started her on a stool softener, which is helping. We are currently training her bowels to go to the toilet when they are close to full or full.

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Don’t punish her for it, she is 3. Don’t alternate between diapers and underwear, it’s confusing her. Throw the diapers out. Clean and soak the dirty underwear, it’s not hard to keep a bucket for soaking them. Ask her and Take her regularly to the potty, every 20 - 30 mins. Praise her each time she uses it.

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Quit punishing her. She is not ready you are making it a negative experience. My grandson was 7. My granddaughter they had to wipe her be hidden until she was 8. Do the party dance when she does make it and do it when she doesn’t. She will get it. Sometimes they don’t have the feeling for pooping. To this day my adopted children at 20 and 22 don’t know that a gut ache means go poop. You need to relax let her regroup and let her take the lead and time toliet her. Since you don’t have a set time. Also maybe try the poop cookie nuts, raisins chopped up dried fruit make a ball. Give her one after every meal send her or take her to toliet after the cookie after the meal seat on toilet and have her gunt and gently push like she is trying to go for maybe 5 minutes. Stop spanning her I know when I tried that with mine she got stubborn held it and pooped all over her room. Washed the walls, carpet, ate it, and every other thing she could think of to get back at me. You are trying to teach her something why when she has not grasped what you want would you treat her negative. When she has other things she has problems grashing are you going to punish her. Ok you have the tools forget it and move forward tell her your sorry and start fresh. Give the tools you just learn some kids just take longer. Is she scared because her feet don’t touch the floor if so put a stool under her feet. Use a potty chair but you will have to take it every where. If she continues to go in her pants keep her in pull ups until she stops or wash her pants in toilet and wash them. Promise her new fantasy underwear when she stops. I also stop using my bathroom and started using my daughters I do the potty dance when I go and the oh so sad dance if I don’t do anything. It has taken my daughter 19 and half years but she gets up out of the living room and goes by herself. She still mess at night by I can’t take it personally. It sounds crazy but when she was 12 I use to rhink she was doing it to get even with me. Cause at 7 for a while she was in underwear and going and then she stopped. Yes shebis Autistic but I have had foster children that because of things were not potty trained at 8,9,12,14 and didn’t have Autism you just have to be patient. I was patient with the foster children but lost sight of that with my owe child. You sound overwhelmed take it one day at a time and one hour time tolieting at a time. Each child is different but I will tell you if you make it negative she will never get trained because it will become a power thing between you 2 or a fear thing on her part. Think of game read a book . Maybe not a reward everything teach her how to poop and the feeling.

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I don’t agree with the spanking while potty training. She barely understands what her body is doing. Things are very gray area at that age. Try taking her more often to sit on the potty and when you go, bring her in there with you and explain “mommy’s going potty on the toilet because she felt her tummy a little upset, this is where we go when we have to potty” or whatever else you think of

1st of all never spank her for not going in the toilet. It will make it worse as she will revert to not being trained at all. Second stop putting her in diapers at all. You can rinse the underwear and reuse them you dont have to throw them away. I know that is frustrating and doesn’t sound ideal. Going back and forth causes more confusion. Just be patient she will get it.

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I had this issue with my two year old! She went from pooping on the potty to suddenly being scared to do it! I tried everything from candy, to sticked charts, to even reading her books while she sat on the potty. Every bit of advice anither mom gave me to try, I did. One day, i was taking a bath and she came in to pee, and decided she had to poop too. Then she named it :joy: i praised her, and called it by the name she gave it, then we said “goodbye” when she flushed. Now, she ALWAYS poops on the potty and she always says goodbye when she flushes it, but she always has to name her poo’s :joy: its hilarious, but it really really worked! Not in a million years would another experienced mom tell me to teach her to name her poop. Every kid is truly different. Find what works for YOUR child. Even if its as weird as letting her name her poops.

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She is probably constipated

She’s not even three yet don’t freaking spank her for it! Completely normal my daughter did the same thing and they sometimes will go through regression as well. She’s been alive for not even 3 years give her a chance to get used to the toilet

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The main thing you’re doing wrong is punishing a toddler for her bodily functions. That’s going to continue to make it worse. Some kids learn later and that’s ok. Get her some disposable underpants and don’t punish her if she messes up. Make it a 100% positive experience and you’re going to get better results.

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Also, i bought my daughter panties that had her favorite things on them like trolls, moana, minnie mouse, unicorns etc. And every time she pooped in them i told her “you made poppy really really sad. Now she is going to be all alone in the trash can”. She didnt like that her favorite characters were sad from her pottying on them. Thats how i got her to poo on the big girl potty the first time around!

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I’m going to get a lot of backlash for this, but don’t really care, as my daughter has been potty trained since she turned 2. I dont mean started potty training, dont mean still had some accidents, I mean was fully potty trained by her 2nd bday. First of all, i know all children are different. Case closed. However. I took her every 20-30 minutes, and took her with me every time I had the chance to. Her teachers at daycare helped a lot too, by doing the same while she was there. Too many children lose progress when school/ daycare providers and parents don’t coincide with one another. It took about a month. During that time, she got time out or something taken away if she did not use the potty, and instead had an accident. Contrary to popular belief, kids know and understand a LOT more than we as adults and parents think they do. From 2-3, literally not one accident. Between 3-4 however, every once in a blue moon, she got to where she would decide that playing was more important than going to the potty when she needed to go, and had an accident. It happened 3-4 times. Bc she IS potty trained, and DOES know when she has to go, she got a spanking for pooping on herself, only at home. Its been a few months now, she just turned 4, and the accidents themselves were months apart. It BEING a normal bodily function, she knows when she has to go, so does get a spanking nowadays when it happens, though its not often. Now to the “every child is different” thing. I know a 3 year old who will intentionally poop on himself multiple times DAILY at school, and will look you in the eye and say he just didn’t WANT to use the potty. This is because the same thing that is taught by some, is not taught at home as well. Not by any means saying that is your situation, I’m just making the point that diligence matters, and that by 3, kids KNOW when they have to go. As far as advice goes, time when you take her, and take her with you when YOU go as much as possible. Drill it into her mind that thats how big girls go potty. I personally don’t agree with bribing, bc i feel it could lead to her thinking that she should get rewarded for doing what she is SUPPOSED to do. But that’s just me, and to each their own. You got this mama! Good luck!

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has she been to the doctor? Some kids take longer also try positive motivations/rewards

You dont need to throw away the underwear wtf?

I had my son empty the bulk of it into the toilet and then he had to hand wash the underwear.
I’d run them through the washer after but he doesn’t know that.

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You do not punish them for potty training and 3 is the age some kids are when they even start. Mine started and did absolutely amazing and then regressed like she had no idea what to do. Yes it sucked and yes I was pissed but I never, ever punished her. Every kid is different and does this in their own time. If you keep making it negative she’s just going to take longer. My niece didn’t use there toilet to poop until 5 and it turned out something was wrong that whole time so how would you feel if it was too be the same case and she has some sort of issue and you’re spanking her? I get that you want her to be trained, I really get it cause I wanted mine to be as well, it’s easier for sure but it’s not their job to make our job easier and she will definitely get it at some point. And if you get the underwear in a timely fashion there should be no reason you would have to throw them away. Again, I was in this same position in the last few months and I never threw 1 pair away, just rinse them out immediately and I bought a big old family sized lysol laundry disinfectant. What finally seemed to work for us was just letting her run naked and for us this was like damn near 2 months it took. Every time I would put panties and or pants on her she would pee just enough to wet them but still use the potty so I finally just said screw it and tried not to go anywhere and stayed home as much as possible and she ran naked. But we’re finally there so I don’t really care what my neighbor or whoever thinks because it worked and again each kid is different and for mine this was what she needed to gladly fully get it down.

My almost 3 year old is doing the same thing. But if we are out and about she will use the potty…

My daughter is like this with pee right now, she is 28 months, poops are good to go, but it’s pee she’s regressed in. I think Ove finally figured out that if I let her dump her little potty in the big potty, flush the big potty and tell her “tee tee” bye bye, she is more willing to not pee her pants or pee on the floor.

Also, maybe try no underwear or pants, just dresses/lose short for a week or so, you might have an accident or two, but it’s much more icky if it goes down her leg instead of sits in panties/pants. And the diapers need to go, they aren’t helping her at all, that’s what she’s used to and knows, it’s her comfort, poo and pee in the diaper and I’m good to go. Celebrate the smaller milestones and think of everything as progress! Consistency is key, she’s learning a new thing, you wouldn’t expect her to learn her abcs over night, and you also wouldn’t expect her to learn them without hearing them over and over for a few wks or even months

Both my older boys didn’t potty train fully until 4 and just before 4. They knew how to pee and how to poop but wouldn’t do it consitstantly save my soul. They would not care if I’m dirty undies and throwing away a favorite pair had no effect on them. They would cry for a pull up when they had to go. We finally just gave up and stopped fighting them and they just did it on their own. My oldest daughter potty trained right at 2 and has had no accidents at all since and she’s almost 6. Our youngest son will be 4 in September and again we can’t get him to poop on the toilet for anything…he is so stubborn. Our youngest is a girl who is almost 22 months and hates her diaper so we just got her a little toilet and pull ups. Don’t spabk and don’t stress they will all potty train when they are ready.