I have a very defiant 10 yr old, my 5 yr old is mildly Autistic, & my 2 yr old is a major Mama’s baby with tantrums are nearly unbearable. Know that you’re NOT alone. We all are guilty of this at some point. Meditation has helped a LOT on my end. I’m also on medication that helps tremendously with my anxiety & moods. I definitely would encourage you to speak with your doctor, especially if therapy just isn’t in your cards atm. Although, I’m resorting to some therapy myself. Breath mama, everything will all work itself out… 
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Honestly sometimes when I step back, I find that a lot of the things I’m going off at him about are things that kids do. The biggest thing for me was that I expected things to stay perfect in the house, no mess, etc. had to understand that a messy home is a home full of life. Hormones and lack of sleep can make for a grumpy mama that’s for sure. Sometimes you just have to surrender yourself to him and spend time with him doing things he likes. Maybe he’s just trying to get attention?
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Welcome to being a mother. As the kids get older you will get your breaks. I have four boys 
yup. And i never ever knew what a break was. Lol unfortunately with kids comes 24/7 care and responsibilities. I realized as they started hitting above the age of 8 years old they became more independent soooo buckle up mama. You will have your break about 8 years after the last one is born. Then you will be saying what i say now!!! I miss them being little. The time goes sooooo fast you would do anything to get those little babies back. All of mine are over 13 now and boy do i miss it 
. Yelling and fits and screaming is all part of the cycle of raising kids. A routine would help your littles a lot more. And get that ten month old off ya hip. You would feel a lot better if ya did. Good luck!!!
I have four kids, ages 6,3,2,1
When I yell they in return feel unloved, hug him and talk to him as a person not like your his boss, understand his feelings… yelling won’t solve anything. What if I yelled at you everytime you messed up, you’d feel pretty crappy right? Hes learning, teach with kindness.
Infant&toddlers tend to have more fits when mom is pregnant, they can feel it and they feel more needy and can cause more fits. Even when your toddler is well behaved they tend to change their moods, cry more constantly even when there’s nothing to cry about, more needy for the mother. Take baths with him, play with him more, make sure you give him more attention even if you are tired, get him to help you with chores small ones, and for your 10 month old, try to get her busy with her hands, toys/fruits/painting/drawing/walker/and try to let her bond with the 4 year old. You got this momma, im forgetting a few more tips but hopefully this helps.
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My little guy is only 2 and I’m in all different directions. One minute he’s content and happy and then decides he wants to go back to what we just did. I pray constantly to give me more patience and understand. From food to snacks or movies, it all depends on them in that moment. My little guy doesn’t talk yet either, although is able to express himself to let me know what he wants. Hugs to you momma 
hang in there!
Momma I have the same issue! It’s normal. Best thing that helped me is to remind myself that if I can’t regulate my emotions neither can my sons.
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Mama im having the same guilt of constantly shouting at my 4 years old LG… I think its the attention she wants all the time,shes such a hyper kid and also loads of questions and imagination… Big hugs on your way hun… X
My oldest used to be sooo bad. Omg. I mean yelling, hitting, being mean to his little brother, got in trouble in school when he started at 4, just drove me crazy 
Finally found out he has ADHD and impulse control disorder. Got him on medication and he’s a whole different child. So nice, calm, listens, started drawing, he’s amazing. Sometimes it’s literally not even our parenting, sometimes it’s something going on with them 
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I have a hard time with this with just my one child, so I can’t even imagine and being pregnant as well.
I know it seems like such a long road going through their young years + all the tantrums.
I just hope you find some sense of relief soon. One day at a time
You should find a Love and Logic parenting course and go to it. The advice there is life changing. I couldn’t wait until my kids misbehaved so I could try out the techniques. No more frustration. No more overthinking. They give you those tools.
Honestly this was a struggle then I tried 123 magic … it really worked for both of my very different children. Good luck !
For this exact reason I came to the conclusion I was not cut out to be a stay at home mom. When I started working and put my kids in daycare we were all happier.
Just remember mommy just like you get frustrated and have strong emotions, so do little ones and they don’t know how to control or regulate them. You do need time to yourself but you also need some one on one with the oldest so he knows he’s special to you as well. He’s likely jealous bc 10 months ago, there wasn’t this other human, just you and him.
Give yourself some grace and give him some too. Extra love and time. When you feel overwhelmed, walk away and breathe. We all get frustrated but he’s also feeding off your energy and learning how to cope from you. There are tons of apps even if it’s 10 minutes, they’ll live while you take those few minutes to calm down and collect yourself…like a reset.
Im dealing with this with my 2 year old and my youngest in 9 months,
Ive noticed mr 2 does it for attention, because even though your telling them off your giving them attention.
I try super hard to have 1 on 1 time with both my boys but also being a full time working mum its soo hard!
Sounds like he is striving for your attention regardless how he is acting. Try 1 on 1 time with 4 yr old. And if 10mon old cries alot too its just from watching big sibiling so also do 1 on 1 with 10 mon old. Crying for mommas attention. Good luck momma you can do it. Just dont yell and/or scream at them. They are just babies.
It’s the age. My daughter is 4 right now and drives me absolutely insane lol. She’s an amazing kid but omfg lol
I also have a 2 year old and a 4 week old.
I try to remember that the new baby is a huge change in their lives and I need to be sensitive to that and understand that it can be tough on them
But when she’s driving me crazy I’m like OMG you should totally go play with the toys in your room right now! 
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I’m going through the same thing. He know right from wrong, he knows what he’s doing is breaking rules. Constant arguing and never ending madness. Life feels really sucky right now. It’s ok, it’s normal. Best thing to do is to cut yourself some slack. It’s a tough age. I call it the “f**k you fours” for this reason
Practical: baby in carrier, pack for all weather, throw out a blanket and let the four year old have some nature play while you soak up the healing vibes of nature. Try to be present and put your phone aside. I find these moments a chance to connect with nature, myself, and my three year old son who loves to make pretend fires/soups from sticks and stones.
Emotional: create a sanctuary where you can go where you won’t be interrupted. Trust that your partner can ‘help’ your son even if it’s not the way you would do it. I tell my son I’m locking the door/going out and to ask Daddy for anything he needs.
Spiritual: practice presence and gratitude. Study your sons features. In moments of anger, breathe into and open your heart space. I know this sounds morbid, but I imagine how I’d feel if I ever lost him and how I’d want to be as a mum in moments of tension: loving, present to his emotions without trying to ‘fix’ it or change how he feels. Forgiving. When I self regulate him this way, I regulate myself at the same time - co-regulating together this way soothes us both.
Lastly, compassion. It won’t always go right, and that’s ok. We are human and doing our best. We can begin again with each new breath. I also love the books No Bad Kids by Janet Landsbury (she also has a podcast called Unruffled) short easy digestible episodes and the book How To Talk So Little People Will Listen (both available on audible if you’re not finding you have enough tome to pick up a book), listen as you go about your day 
best of luck mama - remember you’re doing an amazing job xx
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Look into a part time preschool. It will give you both a much needed break from each other, and I mean that in a nice way! I teach at Head Start, and it really does improve parent/child relationships. We’re only 3 1/2 hours a day, 4 days a week for his age group.
Breath momma this is by far one of the hardest hoods we go thru … MOTHERHOOD…… consistency is key …. Find a routine and stick to it …… when dads home it’s YOUR TIME … leave the house …. Go for a stroll , run errands, do whatever ALONE…. We all need time to ourselves 
good luck you got this
Best advice I can give having 4 kids (12, 10, 2, and 2 months) is take them out during the day. The park, an activity, the library, anything. Wear them out with activities. Being home too much is hurtful to you and them
Momma needs sleep. Train them to fit your lifestyle and be consistent. Discipline is keeping a good routine for All family members. Start at 6am, take 4yo to pot, then give your own break. Change baby, cook breakfast for all. Sesame Street, then outside play. Nap time after lunch at 12. 2.5 hr nap, quiet time for you and them. In 3. Days, you will complete the task.
Set your 10 month old down and let them cry. You can’t hold them all the time so let them cry in the beginning for 20 minutes then go pick them up calm them down then set them down. Each time add a little more time in between. As for your 4 year old when he’s being naughty make him take his favorite toy and put it away until he earns it back. Don’t give in. Let him throw his tantrum to a certain extent then have him stand in the corner/ nose to the wall. You’re human and stressed out, you’re a mom and from time to time you’re gonna yell. We’ve all been there at one time or another. Good luck mama
Do you set up play things, play doh with plastic animals or dishes to make pretend food!
Colour book and pencils!
Used food dye to do different colour rice to play with again with toy animals, maybe give him before you need to feed baby , set him up with a little plate of fruit, crackers, cheese to keep him happy!
Oh my gosh. I needed to see this post. I have a 3.5 yr old and a 6 week old. I am currently on maternity leave and he is driving me NUTS! Same thing, I know he knows how to be good and knows exactly when he’s being naughty. He does it on purpose. He’s always been an ornery boy and some of it is playful orneriness, but most of the time he is just choosing to be difficult and I feel like he does it just to drive me CRAZY! The other day I literally googled ‘how to deal with a defiant toddler’. If I say to get in the car he stands there & looks at me, then when it’s time to get out of the car, he won’t get out. He is just constantly being difficult. I know to some degree it is “normal” behavior for a toddler, but how much is “normal”? I needed to read this post and so many of the comments to hear that I’m not alone. It’s not just my son who is a little stink pot sometimes! (I would use a different word, but don’t want the mommy police to come after me! 
) He also started preschool 2 weeks ago, so I’m hoping that will help him with behaviors but I am going to start being more intentional with my time with him. Start giving him more 1:1 focus so maybe he will stop feeling like he has to act out to get my attention.
You say he’s having fits, which are absolutely normal. You cannot expect your child to regulate their emotions if you are unable to regulate your own emotions. I honestly start with therapy, for you and for the four year old. Purchase some gentle parenting books as well
I a 4 year old too… forever doing something he shouldn’t. This is the time where they test you-how far can they go. What I do is stay on top of my son-boot camp mom. Takes work-but it works. I give him chores, taking out the garbage and cleaning his room. I find activities that we can do together to keep
Him busy and learning. If he isn’t in school he’s learning one way or another. When he doesn’t do right I take way his tv and explain why. He is learning that I don’t play around
You’re their person. Always keep that in mind when you’re stressing, you can think of it as “he could’ve went to his dad” but you can also think “he chose me” my babies are the same ages as yours and now that you’re due to have another baby honestly I’d just recommend stopping whatever you’re doing and giving them time where it’s just for them… while your 10month old naps, give your attention to your son. Sometimes they’re actually just wanting your attention. You spend all day doing the house, errands and the baby of course he’s going to have moments. You can’t regulate your own emotions so don’t expect him to. With a new baby on the way some time just for him will be good.
It sounds like he doesn’t respect you. Do you follow through with your threats. Do you give him consequences to his actions? You should never have to yell.
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Momma it’s okay, I understand the struggle. But in no way are you failing your babies by yelling a bit. My 4 ur old seems to think time-outs are horrible and losing tv time is like a death sentence. Maybe these might help with your 4 year old 
it’s going to be okay and your babies think your the best mom ever
It sounds as though you taught your 4 year how to keep your attention very well. The baby is learning from both of you how to do it too. Please consider buying a book on self-control.
I was having this exact same conversation with myself earlier I completely feel ur pain my kids are the same ages and I’m just taking it one day at a time and picking n choosing my battles like don’t sweat the small stuff and bring attention to what needs to be corrected. it’s so hard and yet so rewarding and at the same time, such an up n down push n pull on your own emotions and feelings it’s overwhelming there’s no sugarcoating it but . One day at a time, everyday is a new day, it’s a continuous learning process for u and them. U got this momma ur doin great
My daughter just turned 4. My son is barely 4 months. Same issue… I have to keep reminding myself… Shes 4… Im 36… They dont always know right from wrong.
Im tired. Over stressed… And thats not the kids fault or issues…
When you can…just leave…walk around the block. Go to a friends… Whatever… You neeed time to yourself. Being a.stay at.home mother is hard!!! Idc what anyone says. Period. Take time for yourself!!!
He went from having alll of your attention, to having to share your attention. Maybe try dedicating an hour a day to just him If at all possible. Give him some one on one time, and focus only on him during that time. Play, take a walk and talk about what he wants. Bake something together. My 4 year old acted out bad after her baby brother was born and it was cause I went from always being available to her, to always being busy. It will take time, but I have a feeling attention is what he’s looking for.
Following. Have a 5 year old that has adhd and I’m tired of constantly getting after him. We have our good weeks but then we have a few bad weeks. School starts Tuesday and truthfully I’m dreading it but can’t wait, gives me a few hours somewhat to myself. I also have a 11 month old and we have started enforcing no on things, so I’m also chasing after him. And I’m.18 weeks pregnant. I know the feeling. There’s days I wonder if I can handle a 3rd kid, I’m already so overwhelmed, always questioning if I’m a good mom, etc. Just remember these days will pass, and they will be adults, it is exhausting. I’ve also gotten my 5 year old a weighted blanket and glue glitter bottle that helps him settle his emotions sometimes.
He’s attention seeking x
I would organise the day into activities and play with him on some when baby naps and some are for him to do on his own that way he’s getting attention everyday x
You can schedule in playtime for him and the baby too xx
Go out as much as possible to feed the curiosity and explore places with him xx staying in is stressful it’s too long xx
Have someone over to play once a week x
Keep calm all the time it will rub off on him xx
You’re not failing just make some changes x I have music on most of the day if I’m home keeps the house calm not kids programmes drilling into head and theirs all day (not saying you do) xx can’t stress enough how much routine and taking control of that routine is so important. Does he go to pre school? X
Did you have post partum depression with either of the first two? If so, it’s possible that it could be manifesting earlier as it does so with each pregnancy. You aren’t a failure!!! Hang in there!!! 4yo is probably acting out for attention- new baby with a NEWER one on the way is a lot to compete with. What about a one on one mommy date when baby is sleeping or daddy is home?
Sounds like he is probably wanting attention, but you obviously have your little one to tend to as well. I’d get as many little activities / games that he can get on with independently as much as possible and also set aside some time each day where you can spend quality time with your 4 year old so he knows he’s still getting your attention - even if it’s 10-20 mins of uninterrupted quality time with him, while baby is napping / husband is home. Also as hard as it is, try to ignore any small bad behaviours as too much shouting and telling him off is just going to reinforce that he’s getting attention for these behaviours and so he will keep doing them.
I am noticing some similarities I have experienced, and suggest researching anxiety and ptsd and seeking an evaluation if possible.
Playpen for 10 month old!
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There can be family therapy that kids go to with you. So when a situation happens in front of them… They show you hands on how to best deal with.
My daughter will run smooth off outside into danger and won’t stop till I scream like I’m about to lose my shit.
I feel this so baddddd!! I have 3 kids all 2 years apart and my 4 year old loooooooves to test me. My sister sent me a video about how the brain can’t process the negative. So if you tell a kid to stop coloring on the wall, they don’t hear the stop. They hear “color on the wall” so instead try to say “keep the marker on the paper please” it’s crazy how well it works. I catch myself doing it all the time and when I switch my wording around it helps a lot. Also he could be looking for attention wether good or bad. He just wants some of moms attention. Another thing I found I had to do was even tho my baby is a baby once in a while I had to “tell” her sorry dela but king needs me right now. I’m constantly telling my older kids my baby needs me and they felt left out so one in a while even if the baby isn’t even really doing anything I make sure they hear me no sorry but so and so needs me right now and then give the other kid my attention. If that makes sense. Hopefully it helps and mom guilt is a bitch, but if your feeling it it means your a good mom. The only thing we can do is try our hardest.
Best help I was given when my boys were 4, 1 and newborn. Read 1,2,3 magic.
How often do you praise him for the good behavior? Praise and pay attention to the behavior you want to see and ignore the other stuff. You better get it under control or it won’t be long before the your ones follow suit. And as soon as this one is born get some contraceptives. Having babies that close together doesn’t give your body much time to replenish or enjoy you new baby because your over tired. If your husband’s away for so long maybe hiring a sister a few hours a week to give you some alone time to recharge.
this is me with 8 kiddos especially we all have covid rightnow in a house together 
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Your kid wants more attention. Your first two are spaced apart in age so they were used to being the center of attention and now they have a sibling under the age of one and another on the way. You now have a 10 month old that you have given into and hold constantly. That was a habit you created… bear with me on this one…. Not judging just stating facts. Some kids are more sensitive then others. This didn’t just start, it was created. When they have tummy time (when younger) they learn to be content with playing for small periods of time. You could distract them so they stop fussing…. Light up toys with music usually catches their eye or something on the TV. Some kids NEED to see mommy all the time or they just lose it. I’d use a playpen and have them where they can see you and give them toys. The older kid can play peek a boo or they can have a safe snack like a squeeze applesauce and watch a show. Alllll of this will fade… we just gotta find a way to get through it.
NOW you have another one on the way, you HAVE to set up boundaries NOW. How are you going to be holding a one year old, having melt downs from the oldest AND be nursing or feeding the new one? 
might as well call in help and start making different habits now. You gotta let that 10 month old cry for a bit. Every creature in nature does it, even humans. It SUCKS. It’s HARD. It breaks your heart and tries your nerves.
Most babies learn to self soothe for little inconveniences that upset them. By constantly holding one, you create a need in the other and adding a third. I’d set up a little special big boy craft table for the oldest. Every thing they color or draw is proudly display in the home and let them SEE you take a picture and tell them you are going to put it on fb for the world to see how amazing your kid is! The 10 month old can also have a play pen (for when you can’t constantly observe them while learning new skills, this isn’t forever…) and give them safe toys. If they throw a fit, the play pen is perfect because the chances of hurting themselves is lowered. You can’t hold babies and cook and clean etc etc. so the current baby will learn that they can hear and most times see mommy and they get cool stuff to play with. Will they cry?? Probably!! But it’s OK!!! If you need alone time… put the kid in the playpen and turn on a special show or movie for the oldest and give them something to color. It isn’t fair that the oldest doesn’t get the same attention just because they don’t cry constantly. This is a battle of wills. It’s going to be rough and not pleasant making new routines. The crying will stop eventually. They will see you aren’t gone forever. If you create an enriching environment more entertaining than your arms they adjust fine. Maybe a week or two?
You create these skills he giving them both something to do, walking away and doing something and tell them “mommy will be right back after I wipe the counters” and do just that. Don’t rush. Don’t apologize for “being gone”. You state the fact and follow through. You can buy baby monitors with the cameras and observe them, buy ear buds and listen to one favorite song in the bathroom, enjoy a kid free pee without HEARING the crying, but you CAN see them! Then return and say “ oh my gosh you guys did SOOOO good while mommy went potty/washed dishes/started laundry. What fun game can we play together?? Maybe we can learn shapes or animal noises!! Older kid (insert name) can help!! Let’s show baby here how smart you are!! 
” and play together on the floor holding NEITHER child. You can BE with them and not hold them. If you give the older one more praise for good stuff they will want to always do good stuff. Make a reward chart for good things like putting their dinner plate in the sink, straightening their bed, putting toys away. They get stickers for each thing each day and “extra stars” for playing nice with their sibling or TRYING. Have a “bonus box” for extras they do and at the end of the week that kid gets to pick a movie, have popcorn and snacks with one parent… they get to pick so the other parent can deal with the 10 month old for some one on one time too. Then swap the following week. This gives both kids equal quality time with the pair of you. If you have a friend or family member you ask them to help you build these more independent habits with both kids and reinforce positive behavior from the oldest. You have a short window of time before your new beautiful bun is here. It’s going to be tough and you will feel like a HORRID mother for making your baby cry and that shows you are such a loving mother. You have to learn to manage time with all three and get each one to their social and developmental milestones
Welcome to parenting…the kids are behaving just like they should. What about grandparents helping maybe 2 /4 hrs 1 day a week?
I’m in a similar boat. I ask my daughter for space to calm down and leave. We’re also starting time out.
I go to tiktok for a lot of calming parenting techniques.
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Your kids aren’t super humans they weren’t born with the ability to cope if you don’t teach them coping mechanisms then they won’t learn them they’ll grow up reacting to situations they don’t like instead of processing their emotions correctly. I have two girls ages 25 and 5( both biologically mine) my oldest is a wonderful and successful woman but I was not the mother to her that I am to my youngest and that’s because I didn’t know any better. My 5 yr old has never thrown a fit, she doesn’t act out, she makes mistakes sure, she’s a human being, but when she’s having a bad day she recognizes it and we talk about it. I’m also a stay at home Mom and she has been taught and shown since birth that she is respected, understood and a valuable part of our family unit. I also don’t believe in the evil cry it out method so her emotions and needs be it physical or otherwise have always been met. She trusts us because she has never known being ignored. Babies cry because they can’t talk. If they are crying they need you, even if it’s just to be held. That’s still a need that should never be dismissed. As adults we need to be understood and validated and cared about. Why do parents think their children don’t need these things also? Its ok to feel stressed. It’s completely normal but when you start being calm and understand where your kids are coming from, meet them where they are, you’re going to see a whole different side of you all. I wish you the best!
You might look up attachment parenting. You could possibly find some help there!
You will want to deescalate his outbursts, not escalate them and yelling only makes you join him in his chaos and then everyone is yelling. I’ve noticed if I’m preoccupied my 3 year old will get into all the stuff he knows he isn’t allowed to get into. He is trying to get your attention, mama. Like someone said, when the younger one is napping, do something with your older one if he won’t nap too so he feels he has special time with his mama or start implementing a story time each night with the older one when the younger one is sleeping.
I have a 12 year old, a 3.5 year old, a 1 year old and am pregnant with another due in November. My 3 year old and my 1 year old have the same routine pretty much so we’ve found something that works for us, that may help you too.
This is my schedule with my kids:
9 am wake up
9-10 breakfast time if they need that long
10-11 play time while I prep lunch
12 pm is lunch.
1-3 pm is nap, sometimes they don’t nap that long but I get time to do something around the house or for myself if they do.
4-5:30 outside play time as long as weather is good
5:30-7pm play time back inside/dinner time
8-9pm time for bath and getting in bed.
I have designated certain days of the week to the 2 oldest kids for bedtime solo mama time whether that’s reading them a book or just snuggling. Your son is just craving your attention most likely. Hang in there. There are a ton of gentle parenting pages you can follow on here to help you learn how to manage and understand what he’s trying to tell you by acting out. It’s most always a need that isn’t being met and they have a hard time communicating it.
I hope some of this helps. 
Just breathe sis!! ALL moms go through this! I have a 3yr old & 18 month old who act the same so get it. The biggest thing that helped me was leaving the house 
Dad gets off @7AM. He keeps them 9-12 while I get a breather. I go to chic fil a then go to target & end it all w TikTok… by time I come home I miss my babies & feel totally refreshed !!! Get out the house! Do yoga go shopping go for a walk just go sit in your car but whatever you do GET OUT THE HOUSE:bangbang:
Therapy is an option!! Do telehealth on zoom!
Try meditation,talk to a therapist,try chamomile and lavender tea
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I’m wondering the same thing. I’ve tried so hard to gentle parent but feel like I yell 24/7. Hugs to you
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Honestly I have to yell at my kids sometimes.
I could be telling them something and it’s like they don’t hear me! Till I yell.
Idk I try not to but my daughter doesn’t listen til I holler lol I don’t know any kids that do 
Take 3 hour naps . All 3 of you . Separate in rooms . You need Rest they need rest .
Pick your battles. Reinforce all the good he does…Prayer for wisdom helps
This sounds familiar Gabby Nicole. Not so uncommon 
I love all this comments it’s hard to admit myself I’m a yeller. 
And going to bed crying and ughhh…
I recommend the happiest kid on the block. And how to talk to kids so kids will listen.
It definitely sounds like you might be having some depression and anxiety issues. Plus you may be experiencing loss of sleep. All of that combined with a cranky boundary pushing child is going to set anyone in you situation off. Highly recommend talking to your dr and getting on some antidepressants and anti anxiety meds… make sure you’re taking care of you (time for yourself, showers, brushing your teeth, eating good stuff, listening to music that makes you happy, indulging in a hobby, whatever) so that you can come back to yours kids a calmer happier momma
They have telehealth therapy so you can do appointments over the phone but I get that that’s kind of tough. Definitely try a schedule and more regulated activities so your 4 yo isn’t getting into stuff as much. I understand it’s tough with the baby but you might try a baby carrier so your hands can be free to do art and play with your older one
Even 2 -3 hour nap .
Hes wanting your attention which is understandable considering your younger one is also rather needy it seems. Its his way if acting like your younger one he sees it works for them so hes giving it a go. Try getting them to play together get a toy car for your younger one and stand in the front making sure their hands stay in the bars and have the 4 year old slowly push them around or try watching a movie together or maybe cooking a meal and having the younger one just scoot around in the kitchen with yall or get a water table and have them both play with it outside.
Try finding ways to teach them both its fun to be a tad bit independent or even to lean on one another and youll go less crazy
Poor momma. I’m sorry this is a part of so many of our motherhood journeys. Hormones or not, it’s not like this problem is just gonna disappear anytime soon with another baby coming in shortly. Be proactive for yourself and your family and talk to your dr about medication possibilities either before or after birth, or both. Not to be zombied but to be able to give your kids good memories of mommy, and so you aren’t suffering. I had to do that with my last child. Back to back babies and I knew I was gonna lose it. They said all that anger is actually anxiety, which I found interesting. I wasn’t being the mom I knew I could be, so I finally got the meds. Our lives are exponentially better now, even on a kindergartner’s dose of SSRI. There is help out there, sometimes we just gotta make some noise to get it. Do anything you can to get better AND TAKE HELP. I’ve been through a similar life cycle and it’s shit. Good luck. Always here for an ear if ya need. Don’t go through this alone.
I see so many of you saying how bad you feel. Let me tell you something, be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Don’t hang on to that guilt. Your kids are truly resilient and bounce back like rubber bands and they’ll never remember all of this. My kids are now 13 and 10, and yeah we had some bad patches. But they never suffered any lasting effects so moms, please please please DO NOT let the guilt you away. The world is already so hard on us for everything else, the least you can do is be kind with yourself. Give yourself a break. You don’t have to be perfect. Know that all of us out here lose our shit regularly, but we learn and we forgive ourselves and each other and we move on. That mom guilt will wear you to the bone if you let it, but I’m here to tell you that your as long as you’re coming from a place of love and kindness and acceptance, they’re going to love you back all the harder for it. Just know that it’s ok, everything will turn out alright, nobody will have any lasting damage of because you yelled at them. Love yourselves mamas! I wish I could hug each and every one of you that is struggling right now.
I have so much that can help but I already took sleep meds so Im leaving this to remember to send through the books, articles, etc that I really think can help you.
When my boy was about this age I found myself in a similar situation, I decided I did not want my relationship with my boy to be like that and that I would pick my battles, ask yourself does it really matter on the grand scale of things? I also try and remember he is 4 and he may know right from wrong but he isn’t anywhere near old enough to be ‘making good decisions’
I have a 3 year old (almost 4) and a 13 month old.
The best advice I can give you is PICK YOUR BATTLES WISELY.
Do not choose to fight every battle with your toddler. You’ll constantly be stressed out and battling. 
Sit down and do something with him. My 2 kids love a good building with mega blocks. The baby can’t get choked on the pieces etc. And my son gets some attention from me. So its a win/win. (Or simply ask what he wants to do for the day)
I’ve learned that getting my sons energy out for the day is key. I cannot expect his energy to just disappear whilst sitting on the sofa. Lol I take him out and let him play in the backyard everyday for at least an hour. Or we play in the garage or hide n seek or something around the house if its too hot or cold out.
Toddlers definitely strike a nerve sometimes, I feel your pain but allow yourself some slack. No parent or kid is perfect. A trying/caring parent is everything.
Oh man you need a job. Or something outside the home.
Its a form cabin fever.
I yell a lot…but my daughter is deaf 8 and doesn’t listen lmao
Youre about to have 3 you need to find an outlet just for you. Time away…
Hey I have the same problem but my girls are one year apart so alot more full on, the reason why he is doing it is because he is trying to get your attention, kids will start misbehaving more when they’re seeking parents attention my 6yr old does it alot, I’ve praised her tonnes on anything good, give her more attention, still do discipline if naughty by taking something or making miss out on something, but also make a reward chart so if he gets so many stickers he can buy a toy or ice cream or get maccas or something, it’ll take sometime but overtime you will see improvement just note no matter how much he throws tanty etc don’t give in stand by it and after a month you will see a major improvement
When ur child acts out, or is doing something that hes not supposed to do, just take him by the hand and and say in a calm voice, “no u arent supposed to do that” lead him to things he can do. Give him some coloring books and crayons and tell him he can do that. Or sit him in front of the tv and find a kid show or educational show and give him a snack while he is watching it. I used my youtube on my firestick and put on Songs for Littles. Ms Rachel is great to watch on that show and it has helped my 2 yr old stay there and listen to songs and learn some sign language and she dances and teaches how to say words. Make a routine, put them down for a nap and u can take a nap. Wien the baby, stop holding her all the time, set her in front of the tv too and she will love the music. When ur child makes a mess, teach him to help clean it up. Say “hey we made a mess, can u help me clean it please”? And sing the clean up song. When hubby is around go slip into a nice bath and relax. Lock the door, tell him u need some time alone and that u do not wish to be disturbed, he can handle the kids. Oh and take ur son to the park on these days while it still good weather, let him run some energy out and u can walk around with him pushing the stroller, or put baby in the swing shes old enough. Then do a lunch there. It will give u some fresh air instead of being cooped up in the house. Make a good routine for urself and for ur child. Do time slots. Kids are better on a set schedule that way they know whats coming up next. Just breathe it will get better. I have 5 daughters. Try some of these, it will really help.
Look into over the phone therapy sessions. A lot of places around my area have been doing “telehealth” appointments due to covid.
Breann Cortez I’m not the only one who loses it 
The mom guilt is real and I think these hormones have a LOT to do with it
Reminding yourself that this is just a phase is reassuring. My now 11yo was extremely difficult at 4yo. Otherwise, he is extremely well-behaved but something about 4 had its major challenges.
This post and comments have made me feel so much better
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Hes reaching out ans hes jealous of the baby you need some you abd him time. Hes getting his attention any which way he can
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Ummm he’s 4…like what type of behaviors would warrant you to act the way you do to him? And if you can’t control your emotions, what makes you think he can? Kids learn by watching what you do, not by what you say.
Put him in timeout. Walk away. If he does. Put him back until he does 4mins. Then make him say sorry. Until he does don’t give in
Like I said before. Why so much children
I mean I couldn’t afford it
Highlites magazine art prodjects special things to keep him busy … special space to do these things in… messes isnt a big deal
Books… pick a book every week … library… make your time happy… so he wants to please you…
check out biglittlefeelings on instagram! they have great tips and even a gentle parenting course if you can afford the cost! either way, their instagram has lots of free advice that really helps 
Therapy and medication. This is abuse.
Talk to your dr for help also
Janet Lansbury she’s a savior. She teaches gentle parenting. I strongly recommend her.
Wow stop yelling omg really
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to stop yelling at your kids? - Mamas Uncut
No yelling count 5-4-3-2-1, punishment no more walking over boundaries. Always start at 5, it gives them more time to think their thought process is smaller and slower than ours
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Therapy. Seriously saved me when I started yelling at my kids. She gave amazing tips to help me cope with how overwhelmed I was and taught me to reframe situations. Like screaming because they dropped the milk and made a mess I now have to clean up became he is young and trying to help me by getting his own milk, accidents happen. Tell him thank you for trying to help but I don’t think you are quite ready to pour milk please get mommy next time.
It helps me to this very day to have someone to talk to about the kids and bounce ideas off of.
Bonus most therapy is being done telehealth currently so it’s fairly easy to fit in.
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When I was raising my kids I found doing things differently every time helped both myself and my kids. Instead of hollering I would grab him and hold him and kiss him until we both felt better and the next time I would make him do extra chores with myself supervising him or make them come and help me cook or just ask him to help with little ones and I was also involved and it not only helped with the hollering but made our family closer. My children are all grown now but they look back on this as one of the best times in their lives. My husband was awAy working and I had up to six kids at that time
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You need self control. When you scream and yell you are acting like a 4 yr old too. He’s learning it.
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Your 4 yo had you all to himself for basically his whole life. Now he’s got competition for your attention (and in his eyes, affection). He doesn’t want to be yelled at but he knows that by acting up he’ll get some attention from you. A big clue he’s feeling abandoned is when dad’s home and occupying the baby, he comes to you. Maybe make some 1 on 1 time with him and just him so he can relearn you still love him.
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Momma, you are like the rest of us, and are at your limit honey. Sometimes you may have to lay the little one in the crib turn on the mobile and just step away. I know we never want to just let our kids cry, but you have got to step away and regroup. Have you considered day care for the older one? That could not only help you, but him as well. I would also suggest that you and the husband make a plan that no matter what, once he get home and settles in, that he can watch them and give you at least 30 minutes to yourself. You are on sensory overlaod. I have twins and had ZERO help, and thought I was gonna lose my mind so many times. It is hard, and it is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. A momma really has no down time, but it is crucial that you can get at minimum 30 mins for YOU. God speed, from one Momma to another Momma
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I would always yell at the top of my lungs with my son! I didn’t hit him or spank him unless he did something super bad or did something that could hurt himself or someone else! I would get so frustrated cuz he never listened. But I started making him take naps with me when I got that overwhelmed! Trust me we slept for maybe 3 hours! You wake up fresh and you can function again without wanting to kill someone 
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Bless your heart you are an amazing momma, by asking for help that tells me all I need to know…
Can dad maybe keep them both for 30/minutes to sn hour while you maybe just take a walk or a drive???
I wish I had some advice, but I’ve never been where you are… but I will tell you this, its normal to be overwhelmed and to get upset especially with 2 littles and 24 wks pregnant and being a sahm
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Maybe he needs more attention as the 10mth old an pregnancy mite be getting more of your attention. Could be cause sibling rivalry! So he’s fighting for attention wether good or bad! If you keep yelling an treating him it wont get better it can get worse an as he gets bigger he’ll remember everything an then resent you an them! Also sounds like the 10mth old needs to learn to get over things itself as the fits our winning. Dont pick her up so much she’ll get she’s okay! Maybe therapy would be good for kids an you so you can learn to deal with them all an come together better. Also wouldn’t need a sitter!
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