How to talk with a narcissist?

Go through the court and do a custody order. That’s the only way.

1 Like

Child visiting centre, monitored by social services… it’s the only way to make sure your child is safe, make it quite clear to him that he is to only contact through this agency …

4 Likes

Get a custody and visitation order that sets days and tome if visitation. That should solve your problem on what time he returns the child. How do you know the baby jad only one chicken nugget?

1 Like

Some counties have apps that each parent has to pay for. Where I am at it’s $100 for a year and you text each other and your worker lawyers and judges will be the only ones I can see it and it will be the only way you guys are allowed to communicate. That way it can be monitored by the courts

1 Like

Get a restraining order, get a court liaison, get full custody, document EVERYTHING.

hopefully the agreement with visitations is a court order thing, And if not, get it . Also don’t know what state or county this is in, but I do know that in the US, most states, if not all, if there is no court intervention, dad can take your kid, which is also his & he doesn’t have to give him back, because again, there is no court order, plus he is the dad. So go to court & get temporary custody until the divorce hearing. And when there, make sure the judge is aware you what your son brought back by a certain time in the evening, etc, etc

You are never right and every problem you’ve had as a family is entirely your fault is how a narcissist thinks. My daughter put up with that crap for 18 years, plus he never contributed a dollar to their living expenses

1 Like

Also, be careful until you have orders in place, he has as much right to the child as you do. So if he doesn’t bring the child back, you have nothing that says he has to. Child care? He can show up price he is the father and they will let him, even the PD. So get orders even if temp until your final. Be careful! You can also request supervised visits, also don’t go alone, and have the other person video, they are less like to act a fool when witnesses are aroubd

Isn’t that child neglect? I would keep a journal of all this and show your lawyer/judge.

1 Like

Get a very detailed court order, and ask to use a 3rd party court hand off so his drop offs are noted by the court. My ex has a narcissistic personality disorder documented by the court, but it’s just expensive paper. My ex thinks he doesn’t have to follow the court order because the judge is corrupt, lol. With a coparent like that, it’s best to have court be the mediary or you’ll go broke with attorney fees taking him to court for contempt so often. My ex withheld the kids the fourth time over my half of summer one year because he felt I “owed” him, then decided to keep them so he could file for me to pay child support. I got them returned at an emergency hearing 4 weeks later and the judge just said something to my ex like, I’m watching you. No more antics. Kids missed my summer, our vacation, and 2 weeks of school, and my ex got a verbal reprimand. My advice is let him piss off the court, that’ll be more effective and cheaper than repetitive attorney paperwork and emergency hearings.

Call your lawyer and have him handle it. He may take it out on the child if you try to handle it by yourself. Good luck mama.

Get a parenting plan put in place. Speak only through an approved app like our family wizard that way it is documented for lawyers, judges, etc.

Keep every interaction short and to the point. Keep to the orders. Do not react (Grey rock). And if it gets too bad documentation so keep all interactions where it can be documented like texts only. Any exchanges done in public or even at the police station. Or if he can’t stop get a restraining order and all will have to go through a 3rd party.

Time to let a lawyer do the communication

1 Like

I could have wrote this myself!!! Seriously. 3 years later it’s still the same shit. Message me I am in a wonderful group for dealing with narcissists!

What I noticed is they never want to hear what you have to say or want. It’s all a fight for them. They want to win and call the shots period.

So every 2 out of 3 men are narcissist. This group cracks me up

Keep it at only talking about your children if he doesn’t don’t respond and let him know if he can’t be civil either then there will be no talking

If the visits arnt court ordered then quit letting him take the kid if he wants to see thr kid then it’s supervised by a trusted person or you plan n simple

2 Likes

Document everything!

2 Likes

Request supervised visitations until child turns 3

2 Likes

Keep a record of everything and ise ur phone to record any kind of threat or abuse save it for future sounds like umade needit

.

2 Likes

The courts and document everything!

Keep evidence. Get a lawyer.

Don’t let him take your son without a court order. He can decide not to return the child and then you have to go through courts and everything.

3 Likes

Go to court and get a proper setup

1 Like

Gray rock him. Keep records of all he’s said and done, and honestly I’d think about getting a restraining order… then he’d have to contact you through a monitored, third-party app. I’m attaching a video about the gray rock method… it helped me. He’s searching for supply from you by creating drama… the key is not to give it to him. UNDERSTANDING THE GRAY ROCK METHOD: With 4 Tips to Upgrade Your Gray Rock Game - YouTube

1 Like

Set your boundaries and if he doesn’t seem to stick with it then you can go to mediation- when he starts cussing etc just write back “I won’t be spoken to this way- when your ready to talk and respect me as the mother of your child let me know” then mute his number :man_shrugging:t3:

2 Likes

Keep screenshots of all texts messages. Keep your responses polite and respectful and only when it pertains to the child and y’all’s arrangements. I would document any time he is late, the child’s cleanliness, whether he’s been fed, etc and not mention one word to him. Document, document, document. Don’t talk to him about it right now so you can avoid a fight. Make sure all communication is recorded so you can show how you are calm and respectful where he is rude, aggressive and verbally abusive and leave the documents of how he cares or doesn’t care for your child as well as his adherence to y’all’s visitation arrangements for court.

Kid related contact only. Keep to the facts. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into arguments or drama. Court involvement was crucial for me. Good luck.

I had to stop contact via phone and texting because of these same issues. It became email only. I also limited it to one topic per email. Because mine would go rants about anything and everything.

1 Like

Do not engage. No matter how made he is or its all your fault and spins it on you whatever it is. Don’t have phone conversations email text only its admissible in court. You stay to your boundries i will talk to you when you can speak to me calmly and dont respond after that.
The way naricisst works is basically a god complex and they project they are god and right and eveyone else is wrong. The only way to win to leave but you have a kid so you never internalize that they say in your mind you put their name instead of yours and is makes sense. Persons name is irresponsible… for example. You are not the problem.

1 Like

Follow Lee Hammock, Mental Healness He gives great advice , as a self aware narcissist of how to deal with certain situations. I hope this helps you.

1 Like

If this isn’t set by the judge then stop letting him take the baby since there is so much neglect on his part, he can come visit at a public place with you watching and if he doesn’t like that then he can take it up with the judge. Make sure you save all those texts from him as proof of his rage

3 Likes

Record and keep texts for sure.

2 Likes

I wouldnt let him go with his dad especially after him feeding only One nugget that’s cruel

1 Like

I would not let him near my child if he was acting this way, and I would tell him that in a txt message. keep the communication going in txt messages and make sure you save them to prove he is abusive. Make sure you don’t respond badly to his abuse. When he cusses you respond “please refrain from talking to me like this” he will get jiggy with you and possibly take you to court and you will need this to show the court how unfit he is to have your child without supervision. You can even send him a message letting him know that because of his abusive demeanor effective immediately his visitation will have to be supervised. Meaning that his supervision will take place at the police station with you being present the whole time. If he actually shows up have a small igloo cooler with healthy snacks and drinks for your child and the supervision should be 2 hours at the beginning and he can earn more time with good behavior. Your sole responsibility is to keep your child safe and healthy and this is part of it. If he doesn’t show up document the arrival time and departure time by taking a video of the police station clock. I wouldn’t wait more than 15 minutes before leaving unless he calls to let you know he is running late.

Don’t answer to anyone who is being disrespectful to you, unfortunately when he has him you can’t have control. Let him do what he needs to do when he has him, if your son is hungry I’m sure he’ll cry loud enough n he’ll feed him more. It’s hard because ur son is so little bit I’m thinking your ex doesn’t want you to tell him what to do. Good luck. This will change once he gets a girlfriend

the Only way to Win
is Not to play.
ignore and avoid.