How to work a complicated visitation schedule through the Holidays?

My husband is active duty which means his time with our family in the house is limited due to the nature of his job. We have 4 times a year visitation with our daughter, his daughter from a previous marriage. The holiday and visitation schedule is very hard on my husband and myself traveling from different states and our children.

Example we have visitation on Dec 26th, never before Christmas or on Christmas. This leaves one of us traveling on Christmas Day away from our other two children. During summer breaks sometimes the school schedules differ so if my husband is away I have to pull my kids out of school early to travel with me to pick up our daughter. It’s expensive for flight arrangements, normally we pay almost $2000 for just visits with 2 people.
His ex does not do any traveling for visitations and is unwilling to rotate holidays to help all families be there on special occasions or meet us halfway so the travel isn’t as long to have to remove our kids from school early before summer break.
Is this something we can fight for in court, it has been discussed with the ex and literally shut down the last 9 years, and can you also ask for the custodial parent to participate in visitation travel?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to work a complicated visitation schedule through the Holidays?

Is his visitation schedule court ordered? Or just something they agreed on themselves.

Yes u can always go back to court for modification

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In most cases it is always he parent beginning parenting time responsibility to pick up the child. That is how most judges will rule if it is gone thru the court system. Meaning- each parent would be responsible for each way back and forth.

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You can always just go before the judge and explain how this is affecting the other children and family time and ask for some flexibility

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Not if you moved away. You’re responsible for arrangements. But you could get visitation changed based on what’s changed for you. It’s worth a shot

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Start with requesting mediation and if she fails to meet you half way then go to court but always first try to mediate within the judicial aystem

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Usually, it’s the receiving parent that must do the pick up.

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You can go back to court and have visitation revised.

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Yes go to court and have it split evenly. My parents lived one town away from each other and had that split every other week for pickup and drop offs. For large travel you need it split bc it’s not fair for one parent to be paying everything. And for sure get holidays split and rotated.

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Could you have her fly as an unaccompanied minor to you and back? Assuming she’s under 14.

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Send the kiddo unaccompanied minor on the plane. We do it with my bonus kids all the time.

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I would take her back to court

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Normally the patent getting the child travels as, if she was coming for the summer you pick her when she goes back she should pick her up. It’s very unusual for it to be totally one sided

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I pay for our childs trip there, he pays for our childs trip home. And we rotate holidays every other year.

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I just want to know why if the dad is away that she is coming to visit.

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It was probs your man’s job that has yall far away so I don’t see why she should have to spend the money to travel. I wouldn’t have the money to travel either

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You can ask Sounds like a hardship case With this schedule he never sees dad. Many people have every other year holidays.

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Travel time can be split, if she’s not willing to work with you take her back to court.

Court can be your friend

You can ask for almost anything you want tbh. Doesn’t mean you’ll get it, but you can ask.

On your specific situation though, ya there’s a good chance a judge would grant forcing her to compromise. Especially because he’s a service member, because our country tends to glorify them and put them on a pedestal. So I say go for it! Make her do her part. She should want to help her child see their father. That’s their childhood she should want it to be good and full of peace between families.

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You are able to take this to court for a revised visitation plan. You can also work out mutual travel expenses , for example one pays one way, the other pays half to fly back. There are several options that you can work through mediation on to find a compromise that works for all parties involved. Neither of you will get exactly what you want, but you’ll be able to find a solution both parties can live with.

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I mean you ca. Try but the judh has to see how it is truly in child’s vest interest… is it really worth going to court? I’d jist deal with it.

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Hes in the military he can basically do what he wants with the parenting plan. Go back to court.

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You can definitely go to court and try and get this changed. Show evidence of making the trips to see her ect.

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As a CPS Foster/Adoptive parent Harris County TX, I can tell you Iev Heard these cases. Everyone telling you to take the Mother to court which is your right, You will just be throwing money away.No JUDGE is going to order the Custodial parent whom is raising the child 100% of the time to accommodate the NON Custodial Parents travel. Travel expenses/ accommodation of travel to fulfill Visitation are 100% the NON Custodial parents responsibility. The Custodial parent is under No obligation to accommodate the parent whom moved outside the county/ state. Especially if the NCP is active duty and deployed, the Judge isn’t going to order the CP to pay half of travel expenses to be with the NCPs spouse.

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Yes take her to court. Growing up my parents would always switch holidays. One year we were with my dad on Christmas eve and moms on Christmas and then next year would be switched. Same things with Thanksgiving. One year with my dad and the next year with my mom.

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See if she can do school year and then y’all get her during the summer… I am sure the judge would grant it that way

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Go to court an ask if it can be met half way

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Usually it is both parents have to meet half way

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You could litigate it but it will probably take place in the state the children reside.

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You can take her to court but if the child is in her home state, the one responsible for traveling out of state will be the parent taking the child out of state. He should have leave starting before Christmas and finishing right after New Years, especially right now that we are no longer in an active war. What about arranging the holidays where the child lives so that Christmas is still spent as a family with the other children. He should still be getting a small amount of BAH for her, what about saving that every month to cover travel arrangements?

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Go back to court. Re-visit the parenting plan. We rotate every other holiday and we meet half way for my husbands children, he has custody. With my daughter he has to do all traveling but he also didn’t show to court.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to work a complicated visitation schedule through the Holidays?

Yes you can go back to court and have this worked out. My husband worked out in his custody that she would have to meet half way for dropoffs and pickups. They also worked out holiday schedules.

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Y’all only get her 4 times a year it should definitely only fall on you guys to put in the effort and do the work. The rest of the year it’s mama running around with daughter. She’s the one doing literally everything else all year round so unless you are also offering to help “meet her half way” every time mama has to inconvenient herself because daughter needs something, then I don’t see why you are complaining about being inconvenienced 4x a year. Also, your husband is the one that chose to join the military and knew the consequences of that life style. I’m sure his ex didn’t have any say in that. If she chose a job where she had to travel, would it then be your husband’s responsibility to fly around the country multiple times a year to wherever ex wife was to get his daughter?

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Speak to a good family law attorney. You probably have options, depending on the state you live in and the terms of the custody agreement.

Yes definitely go back to court custody will be worked out to mutually suit both sides as it should be including all costs

Go back to court. I moved across country with my daughter. My ex and I have to split all travel expenses and meet halfway for all of the travel… Although I go on the planes with her all the time I have family in the area

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Only way she will stop being selfish is when she is told to by someone who has power over her … a judge . Get a court date and bring it up to the judge,that’s the only way u will get this resolved.

Go to court and change the visitation schedule

I would take it back to court. I know in the state I live, the parent getting the time has to do the driving so at the start of visitation that would be you, but at the end of visitation would be her

I’d revisit this in court, possibly see if she can repay half of traveling expenses as well due to not traveling herself.

I’m sure it can be brought up in court. As for the travel arrangements, I know with my ex, we have to do halfway or pay for half the fuel cost.

Id go back to court and ask for every other Christmas. My daughter’s father gets 6 weeks in the summer, every spring break, and every other Christmas. The day she gets out of school until Dec 31. On the years I get Christmas she goes with him dec 26 until the day before school. I also encourage him to see her inbetween whenever he can. We live in 2 different states and it works well for us.

Yes it should be a two way street and the ex should have to meet you half way or pay at least half the airline expense that’s only fair!

Yes, it can be fought in court!!!

Court sounds like the best option.

That can be discussed in court and new visitation and rules can be made.

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Then her kid don’t get to go . Seems harsh but it’s not . You have a duty to provide for your family not hers . She should pay for her kid to go if she wants her to go . No sence in you paying everything .

Since she’s unwilling, take it to court and have a new visitation schedule mapped out by a judge. I’d also ask for reimbursement for travel expenses from these expensive arrangements for visitation.

I would take it back to court

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to work a complicated visitation schedule through the Holidays?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to work a complicated visitation schedule through the Holidays?

Yes you can absolutely ask fir the visitation travel/expenses/time to be shared by each parent. It’s very sad the ex won’t rotate holidays so her daughter can feel a part of your family and get to spend time with her step siblings. It can be added to the custody agreement that holidays get rotated each year. If it’s been one way for nine years and she isn’t cooperating try and get documented texts or emailed showing this and then simply ask why. Try and get that answer in writing and if she doesn’t give an answer you can at least show the courts you’ve tried to compromise but she is refusing which is not in the best interest of her daughter. Time for her to grow up and get over whatever feelings she has about her ex and your family. I hope it works out for you guys.

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Any good lawyer would have gotten your husband and the ex alternating holidays. A good lawyer also would have gotten it so she had to either pay half of the travel arrangements, or if driving, meet half way.

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Get a lawyer and get visit scheduled revised. Rotate the holidays as they should. Yes she can meet you half way in which it will be mandatory if put in and she is responsible for half of travel money, make sure this is put in as well . Also, you can have put in that communication must be a must when it comes to the child. My Daughter just went through this. She won’t have a choice once you get a lawyer involved. Do not wait. I would make sure you have all your expenses that you are footing out for traveling .

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You file a motion with the courts , or you get a lawyer, do it legal, and proper! I’ve lived the hell your living, its got to be put on paper, and stuck to.

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Take it to court. Both parents must facilitate travel for visits and if you have other children this also comes into it but does not give preference. Judge is fair and does not take sides.

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I’d say go back to court. He should have a better schedule…alternating holidays and she travels 1/2 way with the children. He’s making an effort and she doesn’t seem to appreciate that.

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A modification of the divorce decree regarding visitation can be filed with the court. Honestly, most meet at the half way mark, or at least she could pay for half the travel expenses. Also, while at it get it modified regarding getting the child every other Christmas. If she is not complying with current decree she could be held in contempt of court and pay a fine. Talk to a lawyer.

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Yes. I did this. Petition the court. She’s older now and the situation has changed since the first order was placed

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Yes, address this in court! Some of you seem to think he voluntarily moved away, you go where Uncle Sam tells you to.

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Yes to all your questions. It will have to be settled in court. If the ex is fighting it it could be an expensive battle in court.

Go to court and explain things

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Pretty sure the parent that moves away should be responsible for the travel if it’s over a certain distance. If it’s reasonable driving distance then halfway is usually done. As for times, rotating! So one year you get first half of holidays, the next year they get get first half etc….this is how it goes with my kids. Our orders state halfway for meeting point (although the other party now flat out refuses so we just do the full 3 hr drive just so we can see the children!)

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I would get a Lawyer and explain this and get the visitation changed

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He is literally fighting for his country and his family and you all acting like he moved away on purpose! Wtf

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It bothers me how many people say let him handle it stay out of it it’s his kid he shouldn’t put you in that situation.

They are MARRIED. She is her step daughter and it shows that she would do anything for her. In a marriage TWO people are responsible for EVERYTHING to do with the family.

Ask the courts to add a change to the visitation schedule. It is possible for them to make it where some visits she has to travel and others you guys have to. You guys have gone above and beyond to show this girl that y’all are doing everything to be with her. As for your children having to be pulled in order to travel… mention that in the court hearing. That should help make your case as to why she needs to do her part as well to make it easier for her daughter to be able to see her family

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I’d definitely see if you could get the visitation schedule revised.

It’s sad when people can’t step up and do what’s best for the child (when they decide not to be together).

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Have you tried mediation- and getting a parenting order in place? It can be just as binding as a court one but without the $$$$$! Otherwise he’s you can go to court

Yes you can fight it in court. You can have you husband reach out to jag and see if they can help. Have your husband pay for daughter to come to you guys and the ex pays for her to come home, or you guys meet halfway. That way if she wants her kid back then shes gonna have to pay for it :woman_shrugging:

A court that has denied this for nearly a decade will not agree to a change because, from the sound of this, it is in the best interest of the child to have this arrangement. I’m sorry that this is causing issues with travel arrangements, but typically, that’s on the visiting parent. Maybe look for a travel agent that can handle booking. I doubt there’s anything you can legally do here.

Let him handle it, focus on your kids, if she’s being a batch, there isn’t anything you can do, but don’t make your kids suffer because he can’t take the time to go get his daughter- he needs to get visitation ratified, so it’s more equal. He should never put you in that predicament.

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Meaghan Rochelle cos the mother won’t be flexible at all. Won’t change holidays for when he is there ect. Won’t even allow for the other children to have Christmas day with both their parents with or without their sister or allowing for a differing school schedual is completely ridiculous! It’s not like they are asking much either.

I mean…this is kind of the deal you get when you get with someone in the military and with previous children. Holidays and such will be what they are due to having to split time etc.

While the other mother should be willing to meet halfway and compromise it wont or might not happen so best accept it as it is and just get on with it. It wont be forever.

Most definitely possible to bring your visitation arrangements and the driving required back to court to be revised

No advice here but sounds like the other parent is a right bitter c**t, least she could do is meet you in the middle

I feel like this is the exact same girl from yesterday who asked a very similar question lol

I am positive because of hi. Being in the service, the judge would give that a strong consideration

Time to go back to court and modify and yes u can. Stick to your guns

Take her back to court

Yes. Take it back to court. Why should a family suffer dur to the irrational stubbornness of another. Sometimes women are shameful.

I would definitely take it to court and have the cost split for travel. He should pay one way and her the same. Ask for split on holidays

Good keep it up money is every thing so y ask people what to do ent u have a brain or not

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Return to court and seek an equitable visitation schedule. This would require Mom to work with your schedule and to assist with transportation.
(Ex: one week in the Spring with dates TBD 60 days in advance, 1 week between mid December- January 3rd with dates TBD 60 days in advance. Mom is to travel half the distance for pick up and drop off- but you guys cover the fuel costs one way up to $X.xx, etc.)
Be as flexible & accommodating as you can so that the court sees you aren’t trying to be difficult. If Mom tries to refuse any reasonable changes the court will see that she is intentionally being stubborn & making it hard on purpose rather than looking out for the child’s best interests. Use that.

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im pretty sure if traveling is required for the kid the parents are supposed to split the cost of travel

Yes you can fight that in court. Have it ordered you each go halfway for pick up and drop off.

Pick a different day to celebrate.

Yes. Get your order modified

Get a lawyer- NOW!! ~

The only solution I see is court.

yes you can fight it in court

I would fight it on court

You can definitely go to court and try to get the original order modified.

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If EX is unreasonable about the schedule take her to court to get the times adjusted… no one should travel on Christmas… Maybe a new rotation can be established . Also unless it is no more then 2 hours away. I would prepare, save and fly her out. Get a credit card just for this purpose that accumulates points for free flights. Kids in these situations fly alone all the time. It sucks but that is what happens in blended families and an expense you accept when you marry a man with children.
He should try to Work out with ex first but honestly it is always best to get it writing.
Good Luck

Teach her a lesson go to court

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You talk about you and your kids being put out. His daughter only sees her father 4 times a year. Your kids live with him. You can go to court but it’s doubtful Judge will ask her mother to share travel costs. You sound resentful!

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Let your husband handle it with his ex. She doesn’t care about how you want visitation set up. Or reducing your expenses. It is between your husband and his ex. Let them work it out. Stay out of it…quit complaining about the money too.

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