Husband is not handling our new baby well, advice?

Why is my husband so triggered by our baby crying? We have a 4 month old and what seems like since she was a newborn, he is just so triggered by her crying. Babies cry, there’s not questioning that. He will say things such as “please make it stop?” Etc. I do breastfeed her and I am a stay at home mom, so she is primarily in my care. However he is not working at this time as well and I’ve started asking him to hold her or play with her more and it will only last a few minutes before she starts to cry and he’s asking me to take her. He’ll often say “take this thing” which really makes me mad. Im trying to understand why he gets so mad and just set off, because then after that he’ll seem pretty angry. Should I be concerned? Will he warm up to her? Today at mass it was really upsetting as I saw my brother in law bonding and truly enjoying himself while holding her so I could use the bathroom and made me wish I had that with my husband. In fact, I asked him if he wanted me to take her and he said no, so he continued to hold her. It was nice to see. And when I didn’t think it could get any worse in regards to him never really wanting to help with her, he asked me this evening if I am taking her with me tomorrow morning while I have a small procedure done, I have skin cancer, so I could feed her. Little does he know, I’ve already been told by my doctor that I can’t lift anything heavier than a milk jug the next two weeks so I am curious to see how much he truly does help. And I have a large stash of milk in my freezer so better believe she’s staying.

I need some advice! Will it get better? Does he just not like the baby stage? I’ve heard some men don’t.

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Was he like this when you were pregnant? Honestly I feel like he should not be acting like that, at all. I’ve never heard a dad talk about their baby like that before and it’s really sad. Ask him how he really feels about it all, maybe he’s just overwhelmed. Some people I know are rude when they feel overwhelmed, even without knowing.

There are lots of men who don’t like the baby stage but it doesn’t mean they can ignore his responsibilities. They can’t just skip out on a stage because they don’t like it. Part of being an adult is doing things we don’t particularly like but need to get done. The baby needs to be taken care of whether he likes it or not. He needs to learn how to deal with it and help you out. I would also be very concerned as to why he is referring to the child that way.

Please don’t leave your daughter with him it’s very risky and your partner’s behaviour means he is not bonding and this is a red flag. Your partner needs to know axbaby crys to let you know it’s hungry, tired, in pain etc and she is defenceless. He obviously isn’t coping and you leaving the baby with him and she starts to cry this may make him panick, Angry and this is when he may get frustrated and could injure your child. You will have to take her with you and he can’t just ‘suck it up’ he needs help to understand so he can get attached.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Husband is not handling our new baby well, advice?

You need to trade him in on one that’s not broken… SMH

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I personally think he needs counseling and a parenting class.

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Run. Now :joy: if he thinks his child is a thing an can’t stand her natural human instincts NOW wonder how much help he will be when she’s 16.

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Leave him with the child for one week. Pump breast milk and leave it. You can monitor him via CCTV. You married a chauvinist and this is the consequence.

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Does he have PTSD?? Try talking to him.

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This is honestly alarming to me.

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Was this pregnancy planned or he thinks you “trapped” him?

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Sounds like Dad needs to grow up! Please don’t leave the baby with him alone. If he’s that aggravated, he may hurt the baby (not meaning to).

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Throw the whole man away. That is total BS!!

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This is awful for you, but maybe your plan will work, he does need a wake up call, good luck

I’d be afraid to leave her with him acting like that! What if he snaps when she cries, or needs fed, or diaper changed while you’re not there with him?! Honestly I wouldn’t trust him and would find someone else to watch her for you.

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I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him if her crying is “triggering” him. Cab he be trusted with her?

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This scares me. I get some men don’t know what to do but it sounds like he has no attachment at all and I’d honestly be terrified of what he would do if he was truly alone with her and he can’t stop the crying.

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Hes clearly not ready to be a parent. Dont leave her alone with him. Seen to many bad situations with people not being able to handle a baby crying.

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Maybe he doesn’t feel like he’s bonding well with her and gets upset when she cries, because he thinks she just wants you? Could be some jealousy it does happen, some partners get upset or distant because they are not getting the attention they used to, and if the child cries when he tries to interact/hold her, it might make him think she only wants mom. 4 months however, is plenty of time to work on getting adjusted to a new addition you need to talk to him and ask if he really wants this in his life

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Wow, I’m not sure if I would trust him alone with the baby that sounds harsh, but if crying sets off his anxiety that easily who knows how he could react if you’re not there to relieve him. I would ask a family member to help you during these next two weeks while you’re recovering from your procedure.

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Comment to him the ways they look and act similar. Let him know you didn’t make ur baby alone. She is half of him.

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Be careful don’t leave him alone with the baby he will be the type to shake the baby

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Hell no I wouldn’t leave him alone with her. Anyone who calls someone a “thing” boy bie.

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He is the father it took 2 to make the baby. Divorce is ass.

Sounds like male postpartum depression. But please don’t leave her alone with dad. See if someone else can keep her while you are having your procedure done. And then you can be at home with them to make sure she is safe.

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Will he warm up to the baby? Its not a fu*cking dog.

A lot of these comments are alarming. Men can also get postpartum depression. Perhaps try having a calm chat with him (not right after he’s triggered by the crying) or suggest therapy

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Some men don’t hold babies if its their own

But he needs too help he help make the baby… He can deal with some crying baby’s do that.

Did he want kids? How was he during the pregnancy?if he can’t handle holding your child for more than 5 seconds try to see if someone can help you after you surgery. Some people are not equipped to be parents. Sadly, baby shaken syndrome does occur when people cannot handle crying babies

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You should absolutely be concerned

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I think he needs some sort of counseling. Post partum exists for dads too and it could be bad anxiety trying to navigate it. Talk to him. Talk to your doctor and your pediatrician.

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Don’t leave her alone with him

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Oh goodness- first of all, :hugs: HUGS :hugs: to you and your precious newborn! Unfortunately, while being irritated by a baby’s crying is normal, this level of annoyance and displeasure in his new born baby is completely unnatural. I would say he is having an abnormal response to being a first time father and needs counseling. In addition, I would suggest NOT leaving him home alone with the infant until his demeanor changes. This is exactly how Shaken Baby Syndrome occurs. A caretaker becomes infuriated by baby’s crying, so baby cries, further infuriating caretaker until caretaker snaps and harms the baby. I am so sorry you are going through this, I went through months of skin cancer topical chemotherapy treatments in 2020 so I know how scary it can be- postpone your procedure until you feel your husband is ready and WILLING (not forced) to watch your child. I would not leave him alone with the infant. Your health can wait. Your baby needs your protection NOW

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He may have a sensory processing disorder which makes her crying nearly unbearable. However, it’s his job as a parent to work through that. Baby crying is also proven to rise blood pressure and anxiety. It’s not an uncommon trigger for people.
He needs to seek counseling on how to center and regulate himself during those times. It also sounds like you both could benefit from couples counseling. Things won’t get better without intentional work on his part. If he refuses to work on himself, then that says everything you need to know about the future of your relationship

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  1. He should speak with a therapist. Men also suffer from PPD.
  2. Please do not leave him alone with the baby.
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He needs to realize he is a father and he has other responsibilites other than providing the sperm

I be scared to leave my daughter with that kind of behavior!

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I wouldn’t leave her with him at all. I would leave him period.
Sorry just a personal opinion. Makes me mad how hes referring to her as " thing"

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Could he be scared? Legit question
Now I am sure I will get judged but I don’t like baby’s at all. I am not about the cuddle ing stage, I hated baths. However my husband was all about that. We have 5 children 4 bio one adopted at 11. Matter of fact with my 2nd I went back to work when he was 2 weeks old. I adore and love all my kids so much they are legit the center of my world. But they scare the shit out of me. Even my granddaughter did.
It’s just something I have had nightmares about dropping them in the bath.

Could this really just scare him then sound triggers and he gets nervous.

Good lucj

I think he may have some kind of depression. He needs to see a Dr and in meantime find another person to watch your baby.

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My personal experience, I have anxiety and sensory processing issues. My son’s constant screaming and crying would trigger my anxiety and I would just be in complete sensory overload from it, even after he settled down. Now he’s at the stage where he just doesn’t stop talking ever :rofl::rofl::sparkling_heart: much easier to handle than screams and shrieks. The fact he called your child a thing is disturbing though :rage::sparkling_heart:

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Sounds like PTSD He needs help before you leave the baby alone with him.

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I would find someone else to watch her what if he gets aggravated and hurts her… you see it all the time in the news

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Imagine if what was said in these comments were said to women after having a baby.
Men can suffer from PPND, parental post natal depression. Get him into a therapist mama. He’s not broken. He’s not a danger. He’s depressed.

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Don’t leave the baby alone with him. This post set off so many alarms for me as a mother.

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please don’t leave your baby alone with him :pleading_face:

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Sounds like he has post natal depression, get him to see his Dr asap

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Because its overwhelming.
I get like that when my own baby cries. You cant tell what’s wrong. What they need. Why they’re crying when you’ve done what you can. Anxiety triggers this response of… . Fix it or stop it. Its difficult. It doesnt mean hes a bad human. It means he is overwhelmed. Just like we get. Dads do too

I would not leave her alone with him.

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Is it possible that he has postnatal depression? Dads can get that too. If this behaviour is unexpected and out of character it won’t hurt to get an evaluation.

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Don’t leave the baby with him especially alone… so many bad stories of people that act like him shake the babies.

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My ex husband was like that. He was no good. It’s very long story but because he neglected our 8 month old son he suffocated … it was a nightmare… it truly sounds like he needs counseling . I would not leave him alone with her

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Please see if your family or whoever you said in the post can watch the baby please don’t leave this baby with the father

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I would not have the baby around him at all. Sounds ike a bad outcome

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Very concerned myself and she’s not mine. Please make sure you have someone else checking in everyday to help

I would be concerned and I wouldn’t leave her alone with him

I would be scared to leave her alone with him. Maybe let your brother in law or grand parent keep her and consider getting counseling.

I would not leave the baby with that kind of behavioir. Please look for back up while you are away for your procedure

Do not leave your baby cause you’re trying to prove something to him, it’ll be too late when no ones around and he loses his temper and hurts her

I wouldn’t leave her

I sure wouldn’t leave the baby alone w him.

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This makes me sad. My husband has always been the most attentive daddy to our almost 2 year old. I can’t imagine him being any different and not wanting to be around our daughter or getting annoyed by her crying. She doesn’t talk yet so whining and crying is how she talks to us

He sounds like a dick to me!:rage: Baby cry, maybe a divorce is my suggestion!

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Please don’t leave your baby with him. He needs help.

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Don’t leave the baby alone with him and theaphy asap for ur husband

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Please don’t leave your baby alone with him. He clearly has some serious issues going on and I would be terrified of him shaking the baby when it doesn’t stop crying.

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Talk to him about this, and why it’s making you worry and see if he will talk to a Dr about it, This is a big change and some people don’t deal with change well, ontop of you both being tired.

I think he should talk to a therapist. And just to be on the safe side I wouldn’t leave the baby with him. Calling the baby “that thing” would be very alarming to me. Maybe your sister and brother-in-law could watch the baby?

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Tbh I do the same thing with crying babies it could be a panic attack

Girl, this sounds dangerous. Don’t take it lightly!! Something is going on with him. It makes me soooo sad and upset that he says those things and acts that way towards his own child so I can only imagine how you feel Mama.
I’m not sure what advice to offer but I wouldn’t leave her in his care. He isn’t fit. I’m sorry about your skin cancer and procedure. I really hope thing’s get better for you girl.

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Please love yourself and your baby more…get away from him. He’s a train wreck waiting to happen. Big hugs to you, I’ve been there.

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Do Not leave the baby alone with him. Find someone else to help during procedure and after. He need anger management or to leave. It will only get worse & you need to protect your child.

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I wouldn’t leave my baby alone with him.

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I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but if he gets that mad and triggered by her crying, and obviously hasn’t bonded with her(calling her “it” and “thing”), then I would absolutely not leave her alone with him for any period of time. It only takes a split second of anger/rage to take control for something horrible to happen.

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I’d find someone else to watch the baby honestly because he already seems to be too pissy with her crying

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You already know the answer - listen to your instincts and not leave him alone with her !

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Nope I would be very concerned. Sounds like he doesn’t like kids. Choose your child and divorce him. Skip the counseling and other excuses. He’s already shown you how he feels about you and the child y’all created.

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Maybe it’s not the baby itself that triggers him. It might just be the sensory overload from the baby crying. I grew up in a very dysfunctional abusive home with lots of loud arguments. When my three boys would get too loud, or play the television at a high volume it would trigger me.

PPD is not only for mums, dads can get it too. He needs to go see someone and talk about it.

I wldnt be leaving my daughter with him at all… He needs to seek help for whatever it is he’s going thru before being left alone with her. It sounds like he’s just going thru some sort of pstd honestly… The crying may trigger his anxiety (if he has it) it’s something he needs to work thru… Him saying “this thing” is just too concerning for me personally and the fact that he’s asking you to take child with you knowing your health issues is another concern for me… Try to find someone else u trust with her.

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As others have said. Don’t leave him alone with the baby and he needs mental health help ASAP. Men can get PPD as well

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NORMALIZE DADS GOING THROUGH POST PARTUM DEPRESSION TOO​:bangbang::bangbang::bangbang::bangbang:

Sorry to put that in caps, and I don’t know if that’s why he’s like that but men can go through PPD just like us but it’s different for them! It honestly may be that he’s just not able to be a Dad or needs parenting classes or counseling but sit down and voice your concerns. Put your foot down and basically say this shit needs to stop, either you stop and get help or I’m gone

This is how baby’s get shaken! Huge red flags

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Tell him to go stay somewhere else if he’s so detached from her. Poor baby girl

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So my husband is triggered from his childhood over crying.
He is aware of it and works on it. He knows when he can’t handle it and walks away to breath. Etc but it something talked about.
My girls father is an asshole, would get angry and make comments like that. He was angry and abusive.
So I would talk to him about it. See why.

Fathers can experience stress and depression after having a baby just like mom. If he’s triggered so quickly, please do not leave him alone with baby. See if your brother in law or another family member will sit at the house and help your husband out. If he’s this stressed around the baby, he can shake it or throw it in a fit, not realizing what he has done until it’s too late. Don’t gamble with your baby

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First damn time he told me to take this thing ( his baby) I would have showed him to the door. Yeah I would let him pack his clothes but his ass would leave.

Even your brother in law sees what’s going on, and was probably trying to model appropriate behavior. Big red flags here.

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He needs to grow up.

Yikes. I’d be worried to even leave the baby with him.

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I agree with Male PPD. It is overlooked often. It’s upsetting to see so many people say get rid of him. We wouldn’t say this about a mother who is struggling with PPD. Having a baby is a huge life change and some men struggle to bond and feel resentment because of the changes. I agree with having him talk to someone.
Does he talk to you about his feelings towards the baby? Do you express your concerns to him?
I would not leave him alone with the baby but I would encourage him to find someone and take the baby to them. Like say hey maybe ask your mom to help with the baby while I’m gone. He needs the responsibility of his child but with the support of others.

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Please get help from family don’t leave that baby in his care. He will probably end up hurting her out of anger. He needs some counseling but if any guy called my child a thing I’d be out

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Super concerning!!! I’d be completely afraid to leave him alone with her at this point, which is an absolute problem, as he is her father… Is he possibly depressed because he is not working and maybe not guiding his feelings in the right direction? There’s so many questions on this … how long have you been married? did you guys discuss having children? Is this out of character for him? Not to be mean…but has he always been an asshole? Lots of questions…

He may be going through a depression himself as is he is not working at the moment As you mentioned. Talk to him on how he is feeling. Seems like he may feel like a failure and used to having some sort of schedule. It is not babies fault. Babies can sense resentment and other emotions that may be why she cried because she does not feel at ease with him. He needs some counseling. Maybe marriage counseling to help deal whats going on with him. Do not leave them alone

Please don’t leave her with him. She can feel his frustrations and anger and she will only cry more and scream louder. I hope there is someone else who can keep her for you. Or maybe go with to your appointment and keep her while you have your procedure done. But please don’t leave her with him.

Men have feelings also and do go through post partum aswell

I would be extremely nervous to leave her alone with him. He should really get some help

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Please don’t leave babygirl alone with him… your hubby needs to seek therapy

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Nope I wouldn’t leave my child. To come home to her having shaken baby syndrome. No thank you.

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