My fiancé and I have a son who everyone adores on both sides of the family; he is our first child (2 years old). I have always included my fiancé’s side of the family in every event involving our son (baby shower, ultrasounds, labor/delivery, birthdays, etc.) In the past, my fiancé’s mother would watch our son while we worked; things were beyond civil. The past few months, we have had issues with his mother. She has been getting severely jealous when my mother sees our son and began talking bad about her. This whole ordeal began when I told her she didn’t have to watch my son one day because I had other plans that day. She got upset and told us she was no longer watching our son. Therefore, I found other arrangements for my son while we are at work. She messages my fiancé is telling him we keep the baby from her, and she even showed up to his work making a scene about the matter. My future MIL then went on to message me, saying I’m controlling and that my fiancé and son deserve better. She has been very disrespectful to the point where she is not allowed at our house (my significant other and I both agreed on this). She was told this but showed up at our house anyway while I was at work demanding to see our son. I was told by her that she wants nothing to do with me, and now I am blocked. This is putting a huge strain on our relationship. I feel uncomfortable with my son being around her alone after everything that was said and done. If she sees me at a family function, she rolls her eyes and talks badly about me no matter who is around. I would like to get other people’s perspectives on the matter, I am at my breaking point.
Sounds like she struggles with mental illness. I definitely wouldn’t leave my child alone with her.
My husband, told his family, including his mother, that if they could not be civil and loving to me and my daughter, then there would be no contact. A peaceful four years passed before anything was done and order was restored. That said, he was cut out of her will and excluded from many family events. My advice is that your fiancé sack up and lay down the law with his momma, along with enforcing “punishments” for ill behavior. She will blame you anyway.
Fact of the matter is, if she treats you like shit and doesn’t support your marriage, then obviously she doesn’t care about your baby, so she doesn’t need to see your baby. I’m saying that because I grew up living that shit, my dads mom hated my mom, my mom and dad eventually got divorced, and I went through lots and lots and looooots of court as a kid. Way more then a young child should. I think your husband to be needs to have a talk with his mother.
Oh no…absolutely not. And husband is responsible to handle this. He has to set the boundaries. His mother needs therapy, but I would not be around her at all or allow my child period. She owes you an apology before ever considering seeing eachother again and I would calmly explain that to hubby. He probably need counseling too. I’m sure she was a joy as a mother. She needs help and needs to respect boundaries. It be a no for me. Hubby should be handling this. It’s his issue to address.
Don’t play into that shit. Either tell her to get it together or she can go on somewhere. Been there done that
Toxic is toxic! Lay hard firm boundaries now and if they can’t respect them then it’s time to love them from a distance.
She owes you an apology.
Both of you need to set boundaries and if she can’t respect these and you, then she will miss a lot.
Ain’t no grandparents rights unless you are incarcerated and you GIVE permission notorized btw even if you are in an accident and die unless it is previously stated and stupidly NOTORIZED they Ain’t none in nc anyway. Been thru this hell. Check your local surroundings police dss etc
If you’re looking to try and resolve the issue I would have a sit down with all three parties and talk it out to try and understand how y’all got here and how y’all can move forward. Try and figure out what the underlying issue is because from what I’m reading she just flipped a switch over a change of plans. If y’all can’t resolve the issue and she won’t stop speaking badly about you at family functions in front of the child I personally wouldn’t allow my child or myself to be in that environment.
They don’t just flip a switch. Make sure your hands are clean before throwing accusations.
First, save all these messages and document all of what she is doing. Just in case because it seems she is escalating quickly. Hopefully you never need it.
Second, you and hubby have to lay out solid boundaries and clear consequences. And be ready to enforce them.
Good luck.
She needs to grow up. If you allow this to go on, she will bad-mouth you to your kid and cause behaviors.
Sounds like my mother in law. I’m not sure what it is with grandparents thinking they have some claim on our children.
Get a restraining order to keep her away!
Sounds like a narcissist to me
my mil hated me. I took her 40 year old boy away from her. very mean with snide remarks, lies, just plain nasty to me. I took it for the 1st couple of years then just cut her out of my life. I was not going to allow her to demean me anymore. My husband supported my decision. He continued to visit his parents alone, then when they started in on him because of me he pretty much backed away also… sometimes it is just that way. Been with my husband for 21 years
To me as a mother if someone blocks me and mistreats me they aren’t seeing my child either. Not even a little bit sorry.
We walked away from awful stuff like this 5 years ago after dealing with it for 14. Never looked back and couldn’t be happier. We talk to the positive ones in the family but still hear about all the drama. Ya only get one life…
You’re not in the wrong here. Your husband ultimately needs to defend you if you absolutely have no fault in the discord. When he puts his foot down & explains why she isn’t being fair— maybe she’ll listen. If not, yalls hands are clean of it and you may have to separate yourselves from her altogether to have peace.
Distance yourself as well as you can, and ignore her. Let your fiance deal with her.
Omg that’s awful. Definitely sounds like she has some kind of mental illness! If I was in your shoes, I’d agree with you, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her being alone about my son. I wouldn’t trust her, If she is mentally unstable, there’s no telling what she would do to your child!
I would have your husband tell her, that she cannot treat his fiancé (you) this way. That she needs to stop being cruel, and start respecting you. That if she doesn’t, she won’t be able to be in your child’s life.
You don’t need your son around someone who’s going to talk trash about his mommy to him. Good luck with her!
There are so many young adults that get easily offended and miss out and let their children miss out on the wisdom from there grandma. Using your children as property or teaching them to hate grandma is wrong.
As a grandma , I don’t even understand this. Just because your grandma or grandpa does not give you a golden ticket to be controlling a-hole, boundaries in relationships are a good thing!! And I love my grandkids too much to end up never getting to see them!!
As someone who has struggled with my in laws for over 10 years, my first word of advise is, tread lightly. While your SO probably agrees with you, it still hurts to hear bad things about the people who raised you from the person you love, learned this the hard way, that’s what I mean by “tread lightly” and the best advise I can give for that is to find someone you can vent to other than your SO. My second word of advise is to keep your boundaries strong and don’t give in to them. YOU are mama and you know what’s best for your child. Last word of advise; trust your gut, mine has never steered me wrong.
Best of luck!
Holy crap. She sounds freaking insane. She’s making mountains out of mole hills. I really don’t get what it is about mother in laws. At this point I WOULD be afraid to leave my child with her because if she’s going to these extents, who is to say she won’t try to literally take your child. I have no advice other than you are making the right calls and I hope your fiancé fully supports you and I hope he stands up for you and tells her she needs to (excuse my French) grow the fuck up and knock it off. She sounds psycho.
I kicked my MIL from our life completely and so did my husbands because she told him I was trash. Mind you we’ve been together for 4 years today married almost 6 months now and have 2 babies and are happier than ever. We were one closer I even let her stay at my house when covid started because she has depression. One day she texted me and I was going through a very hard time with anxiety and depression and she asked how I was I told her I was ready to pick up and leave for a bit to try to work on myself. Needless to say she called my husband (fiancé) at the time and said that he needs away from me and I’m taking him away from family. He called me after work screaming at me I showed him her messages and it turned on her quick and he seen what kinds monster she was. She then in July made him pick me or her and well we went and got married🤷🏼♀️ you don’t deserve to be put down by anyone regardless of any situation. I wouldn’t let her see your child until she grows up and realizes your baby has other family also.
Her behavior is irrational. Definately a sign of mental disorder. Perhaps beginnings of dementia. Do not allow your son to be alone with her, under any circumstances. Inform your caregiver the same. You may have to get an order of protection, if her behavior continues to escalate. She is dangerous.
If she can’t be civil with you then she shouldn’t be seeing your son at all. Listen to your gut when it says don’t leave her alone with the child. She WILL bad mouth you to your son and that will end up causing a whole slew of issues down the line. If she cant behave like a grown woman then she can’t be around. I know easier said than done but this is something that will escalate quickly. Make sure you keep all the ugly stuff she has said or down to you on file. Document texts and calls ECT.
Also make sure caregivers know not to let her have or leave with your son. Sometimes grandparents get a free pass and that’s not right. Best of luck
Do not let you child be around anyone that hates their mother (unless court ordered) who knows the little seeds of disrespect she’ll plant.
Other people’s false sense of entitlement to children that they didn’t create blows my mind. You are not obligated to allow anyone in your child’s life, regardless of relation. I’m big on respect when my children are involved. If you can’t, at the very least, respect me as their mother, then you have no business being a part of their lives. I haven’t spoken to or seen my “father” in over a year for this exact reason. If you’re toxic to me, you are toxic to my children. It’s my job as their mother to protect them from those kind of people & I refuse to allow toxic people in their lives just bc they are family. My children WILL NOT have a childhood they have to recover from. And if that means cutting off family, then so be it. 
Let your husband deal with his mother & distance yourself. There’s two sides to every story. Your child is loved that’sa huge blessing not many have. Had she not wanted to see your child; then I’m sure that would be the complaint. If your husband agrees with you then there should be nothing you should worry about or have to deal with aside from distancing yourself.
Your child not hers. I wouldn’t want my children around someone so toxic. You and your fiancé stay firm with keeping her away until she can act like an adult and respect you. Good luck!
Cut her off!!! If this were me I’d be DONE associating with her period. If you can’t respect me you won’t be seeing my child POINT BLANK PERIOOOOD. And its that way because I refuse to allow my child to see me in a way where I’m allowing myself to be disrespected. She sounds awful and id stop any visitations at all. If she doesn’t comply seek out a do not contact/restraining order.
Your fiance needs a reality check. You and your son are his family now. He lives with you two. If he wants to put mom first and live with her thats fine, but then you’re not going to be w him and neither is your son (at least not full time anymore)
Been there, done that!!! We have absolutely no contact now, and life has been such a blessing ever since!!! Try your hardest to never let a miserable woman make you question your actions, or make you feel badly about your decisions. You have done the right thing.
So she just went off one day because she couldn’t watch him/get him?
Is there more you could include? Something else had to of set her off.
Me or my child would not go to their family functions if someone treated me that way, because if they are treating me that way then there talking about me in front of my child! not OK! She showed up again uninvited I would take out a restraining order.
I refused to deal with toxic people I don’t care what relation you are to me. Grow up and do better or live without my part of the family.
I would suggest that if this is new behaviour that her husband, partner or Son would make sure she got proper medical check!
In my opinion there is more to this situation than has been told. I realize that there are controlling and interfering Mother in laws as I had one myself but also know that there are some Daughter in laws whom are as well. Sounds like individual and family counseling is in order for all involved. Its not a good example to your children to just cut people off without a serious reason to do so. Your husband does need to be firm with his Mother and any other family members that abusive and/or nasty behaviour will not be tolerated and if that boundary can’t be respected that a time out from contact with anyone who behaves that way towards you will happen until they agree to enter counseling to address the issues. Good Luck!
All that because your mom was watching him 1 day? She’s mentally unstable. She would be given a choice. Visit with my child with me present or choose not to see him. Continued disrespect towards me would cause her to loose him completely. Seriously what does she expect to happen? Be disrespectful to you & you’re going to give your baby to her? Um no! It doesn’t make any sense. As far as your relationship if your bf is ok with his mom disrespecting you you shouldn’t be with him. Take the baby & move out. Let him obtain rights via court. Make sure to mention that gma is unstable & request that she not be allowed around your child without supervision. Make sure to keep all text, sm posts etc &, keep records of her actions for this purpose.
This happened with my FIL. My husband and I had to come to the decision to block him out of our lives completely. We knew a day would come when our kids weren’t little and cute and had their own opinions and he’s do it to them. They don’t deserve that.
Simple answer get a restraining order on her ass
I wouldn’t be around her and the only way she would see her grandson is if her son wanted to take him to see her and stay with them the entire time. I would be just as big a bi**h as she is being.
I would actually think less of someone who put the mother of her grandchild down, bad form, makes her look terrible
We haven’t seen or talked to my mother in law in a year and a half. It’s been soooo nice! 