I am broken because my daughter didn't want to come home from her dads: Advice?

I need some advice or maybe some support. My daughter is 6 and has a lot of medical issues that I’ve always been the one to take care of. Appointments, doctor visits, pediatric therapy appointments, medications… everything. Her father was extremely abusive towards me, cheated, and honestly didn’t care about our family. So I divorced him three years ago. We’ll know he wants to be the cool, fun dad that buys her everything and does what she wants. Meanwhile, I’m still taking her to all of her appointments, extracurricular activities; I even quit my job to homeschool her bc of the pandemic. Now that she’s getting older, she wants to have fun, and that’s what her dad provides. She FaceTimed me crying 2 hours before pick up, asking why I’m coming, and she wants to stay at her dad’s. I know she’s 6. I know she wants to have fun, but it felt like a dagger through my heart. I smiled and told her to go have fun with daddy. I’ll be there in a little while, but I feel so broken.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am broken because my daughter didn't want to come home from her dads: Advice?

I think the best part of this is your reaction toward her. You validated her wants without screaming at her/etc. it’ll hurt mama, don’t forget in the midst of the crazy, you can be the “fun” parent too! You got this mama !

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Nope I’d say Put your Foot down and stand your ground, you are the one that has to pick up the pieces when it comes to the stuff that ain’t always fun, so why should the “dad” get all the fun stuff?? If it were me I’d tell the dad to either step in and help for Drs appts and other things that ain’t so fun or don’t come at all, tell him he can’t just be around or hang around for just the fun stuff, he’s got to put in effort for the appts and other serious stuff. Just my thoughts.

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Google Disneyland Dad. It sounds like him.

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People can grow up and become better versions of themselves, just because he was an awful spouse doesn’t mean he can’t be an amazing dad, and wouldn’t you want your daughter to have the most amazing people in her life and to be so wanted and making her feel special. It doesn’t devalue you or all the amazing things you’ve provided, including making the choice to have two happy homes rather than one unhappy one. Be proud to have been able to provide this to her even though you separated. And don’t worry you handled it well and she will know one day the sacrifices you made for her and maybe he’s ready to step up and start making some of those sacrifices too. Good luck.

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When it’s time to come back to your home it’s that and period!! Start making dad do some of those tasks you do and go do fun stuff with your daughter too!

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If it’s any consolation, when she gets older, she’s going to remember who the parent was who was consistently faithful, the one who never let her down in everything. Right now she’s just having fun with the parent who has less of the day to day responsibilities, but in the big picture, it changes nothing. Don’t worry, just let her know you’re glad she had fun and move on.

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Stand firm. Maybe, Dad is coaxing her to stay .

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My (at the time, 5 year old - now 7) daughter thought the same thing until their father took off with them against a court order. I spent 16 months in court fighting to get them back after the stunt he pulled… now they absolutely hate him and don’t want to go there. Daddy was the ‘fun parent’ until they had to live with him and his narcissistic family. Grass isn’t always greener on the other side, it’s an illusion and your daughter will see this too one day.

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Sounds very couched by him. Abuse doesn’t always stop when splitting. Sometimes They just find other ways to do it. Get kiddo in therapy to work out what’s really going on.
Stick to court order custody agreement.
He sounds like a Disney dad that’s telling her he’s better and more fun so she will want him more

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Did he just start getting more fully involved? Kids only know what they see and if she’s having all the fun by him and then things are different by you she’s going to possibly feel and act out on that. Mine did. Started at that age too. I just stood my ground and reminded them that we’re both there for them and this is how it is. Your response was great.

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Get over it. Unless he’s abusing her or putting bad things in her head about you, let him parent her however he wants.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am broken because my daughter didn't want to come home from her dads: Advice?

Honestly, i would be grateful that she loves her daddy that much and she has that. A lot of kids don’t. And she still loves you so much. Take advantage of it and spend some more time on yourself.

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My daughter will be 18 on the 30th of this month and stays gone all the time but today she had a dentist appointment and she was not going to go if I didn’t. She only wants me when she is not feeling good or something like that.

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She is a child and that is what they do. You can’t take it personal. She only wants to have fun. But if she gets sick or get a booboo she will want her mommy.

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Let her stay, I doubt it would take long for him to flat out send her home once he has to take care of all that and then it will be him being the “bad guy”.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am broken because my daughter didn't want to come home from her dads: Advice?

Suck it up & don’t make her feel bad about saying it. She’s entitled to her feelings just as you are.

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Lol woman are so jealous of a good father

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They are called Disneyland Dads. Don’t worry. Keep on doing what Mama must do. Your reward will not be taken from you.

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I go through the same thing with my son. It sucks. Stay strong. I’d give you advice if I knew but I’m currently going through the same thing.

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I have dealt with something similar to this, my ex husband and I have 50/50 custody. The children spend one week with me one week with their father. They’ve only asked to stay with their dad a handful of times. The biggest thing I can tell you is to reassure her. I always tell my two that having two homes is amazing cause there is more people to love you. That they are also the strongest children being able to go back and forth between two homes. Also being a mother we always take on the load of responsibility make those trips fun. Listen to music in the car sing together, stop and get a sonic drink or mcdonalds drink, stop at a park afterwards to allow some playing. If it’s hard appt or have had quite a few that week take her to Walmart to get a toy or somewhere. Even if seems small or minute to you could mean so much to here

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My kids are 7&9. When they go to their fathers house, they have a big pool and stuff that we currently don’t have because we have a rental for now. They will sometimes say they want to stay one more night which is fine, but then the next day ask why o didn’t come get them. They sometimes just are having so much fun in the moment that it sounds good to them. My boys love being with me and yes it bothers me at times when they want to stay longer, but they have their siblings their they are playing with. Believe me, it won’t be a forever thing

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I cant picture anybody taking any of my kids to their doc Apts except me! But she probably looks at you as the one who takes her the the annoying doctors apt that interrupts her play time. You are the one who home schooled her, which we all know most kids hate school. Kids love their extra curricular activities but sometimes they can be like a chore to them. She sees being with dad…she gets a break from all of that.

I’d definitely have him start some of those tasks also.

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Let her have fun she will soon get bored and so will dad of the yr

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Keep being the mom you need to be. Nip any manipulation in the bud now or it will get worse. My son once said when he was upset, “I’ll just go live with dad then”. I said, that’s not an option and don’t ever say that again! He never did. After awhile his dad moved on with his own life, and lost all interest. Not such a bad thing because he was behind all of the manipulation just to hurt me. Just put a stop to it now. Oh and never let your child hear you say anything negative about her dad. In the end it will be a negative for you. My son never heard me say anything negative about his dad. When he became an adult and asked questions I’d answer them but always remained sympathetic foe his dad. He was the loser in the long run. My son has always respected me. He’s 43 now and we have a wonderful relationship :revolving_hearts:

You women are completely sad. THIS IS ONE OF US, you guys can’t stop being rude for one minute in the day. SUPPORT HER at least she let her stay for a while longer and was positive to her & not throwing negativity.

Whoever this is I hope you are reading this.

I’m sorry your feeling this way, I would be so heartbroken. If this is new to her I would just let it go, she is going to realize what he did later & maybe (hopefully not) she will see that side and never want anything to do with him.

Your are her momma. If you know deep down inside you are a good momma & try your hardest… you are fine!
:heart:

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Sounds like Daddy is putting words into the 6 year olds mouth.

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I understand your pain and I think all responsible parents go through this at one point or another. It feels so unfair that we are the one’s putting in all the hard work while the fun parent gets all the glory. Try to reassure yourself that one day she will be grown up and she will look back on her life and understand all you sacrificed for her. Sending you positive vibes :hugs::hugs::hugs:

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Let her have fun and enjoy your break she’ll be ready to come home before you know it. I love my kids 14 & 6 but I would love a break from the little one the big one gets to go to Nana’s for summer break

My son hates going to his dad so I can’t relate to this . But he is the ‘entertainment committee’ but I just wanted to share something somebody told me once kids always want to live with the ‘weekend’ parent because when they are with them it’s fun fun fun and then when they live with them they realize it’s not like that all the time . Maybe let them stay there for a week when they are in school and they will realize it’s not always fun times . You can only have so much fun no matter what eventually you just want to go home :heart:

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I doubt it’s coached. My daughter’s have court ordered 2 weekends a month with their dad. From the time we separated they were 3 and 4. If they asked to stay I allowed it. He’s an amazing dad. Yes he’s the one who provides all the fun and extravagant trips, they go shopping all the time etc. It did suck at first. But they don’t see him often so if they wanted to stay I allowed it. As long as they were happy.

My baby wants to stay with her dad weeks at a time :upside_down_face::upside_down_face: it doesn’t really bother me she’s 6 almost 7 :purple_heart::purple_heart: I let her decide but I do make her come home after being gone weeks at a time :rofl::rofl: she still wants to go back DADDYS GIRL

We have figured out that you never let/make the child feel like it’s their choice. They don’t want to hurt anyone and they don’t want to be pulled in different directions. We simply state the legal agreement says such and such and this is what we are doing. If we want to make alternative plans only the adults discuss it and away from the children.

Yeah that’s got to sting you do all the work and he does all the fun stuff been there. It won’t last. If he’s a bad guy it will show sooner or later

My girls were like this when I split from my ex 7 years ago. He gave them fun, presents etc while he was living with parents who do everything for him, no house work etc to do and could give them all his time. I was working, trying to keep the house in order with next to no help with maintenance etc.
Now they’re 13 and 8 and rather stay with me as they see him for what he really is and realise how poorly he treats them now they’re getting older and the novelty of being the fun parent has worn off.

Wouldn’t get upset about it, it’s one of those things unfortunately. It did use to upset me but looking at how things are now, I’m glad I didn’t stand in the way of the father daughter relationship.

Within reason, let the dad have as much time as the child needs, after all, it’s about the children first.

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Stop being so dramatic, would you rather she being crying at your house because her dad is coming to pick her up? You’re not her only parent. I understand feeling a way, that’s your baby…but broken? No.