l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 15243 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Awe sounds like you’ve had years of tolerating it ,only advice is you’re husband needs to make you priority, you need to have this conversation with him,it sounds like many things have happened that have compiled into resentment you need to confront it all you shouldn’t feel like you’re second fiddle
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I’m so sorry for you and your family. You put up with a lot. But set no boundaries. Lots of issues here. Almost impossible to go on with these feelings and be even remotely happy. Counseling is a good idea. If he won’t agree. Go for yourself. Good luck😊
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Unfortunately for you he sounds as though he’s hung up on the EX and you’re just an identical replacement. RUN🏃
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You stated you didn’t wanna leave. So either gather the ability to get over it or drop it. If I were in your shoes I’d have spoken up about it in the beginning and how it made me feel at the time. If he cared he would address it. If not then I’d have hit the road. You settled for a marriage in a living room with no ring. That’s 100% on you.
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You need to sit him down and tell him all this! You married him. You knew all this before you married him. Seems to me you are the one making yourself live in her shadow. Yeah she was his first but you could be the last. He picked you after her. Sounds like he could have went back to her if he had wanted, but didn’t! Don’t let the little things bother you so much. Talk with him not the internet! You can’t do anything about the doctors or hospital, but you can talk with him and have him talk with his family. I was compared to an ex for awhile and when I had enough I made it clear I wasn’t going to tolerate it. It stopped. You will feel so much better about yourself if you hold your head high and know that she was wrong for him and he came to you after. Most guys don’t realize things like this could bother someone. So talk to him. Lay it all out. Be blunt that if it doesn’t stop you want a divorce. And ask him to talk with his family too
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She isn’t doing anything. Your husband isn’t being a husband 
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Why are they even still insistent on being in contact … no kids involved and it makes you uncomfortable
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First of all… Pray about it… Ask for guidance. Before giving up … Have you addressed the issues with him and can you both seek counseling together? I would seek christian counseling so that the first answer is not to get divorced… At the same time there are so many things that he does that are disrespectful that I don’t think he will know unless you point them out. And if you want a ring… Go out one on lay away and pay it off yourself. Why wait for him to do it. Sounds like you both are to blame here … He for the disrespect and you for allowing it… But counseling could help or just walking away but you have children and that’s a consideration and worth at least trying through some counseling.
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U guys need to move. A move will be healthy
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You have 2 kids with him she has none. There’s a difference you guys will always be connected because of your kids. The hospital thing I mean you guys have the same name and bday that’s kinda in your head and not the universe’s way of slapping your husband’s first marriage in your face. I understand you being upset about the vow renwal though I think every woman wants that day to be special and I’ll admit knowing the first wife got a special day and I didn’t would bug me but I would been straight up back then that this is a special day to me and dogs barking in a dinning room would of never happened. Everytime someone brings the ex up I’d legit be like but where is she now? Probably having an a romantic getaway with some other man… make it an uncomfortable conversation maybe they will stop bringing it up lol
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I have a very similar story except my ex husband’s first wife is dead. Long story short it led to slot of resentment and is part of the reason we divorced.
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I understand jealousy is a normal emotion and your feelings are valid, however I think it’s getting the better of you. If you don’t want to be with him, leave! You knew about all of this before you got married and had children together. Being envious won’t bring you happiness. You need to let it go.
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Read the book don’t sweat the small stuff
It all small stuff! You can be the best wife! The most adoring wife and mother if you choose that life path. Just like your choosing misery! Misery is an option! Jealousy is an option! You are wasting precious time and the kids are learning bad habits! Sorry to be so blunt! Go to a jewelry store with him on your Birthday and pick out a nice ring! Be happy and content! That’s the best option! Be beautiful and loving to all!
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Then step out of the shadow. You won… you’re the one with the title now. Similarities are going to exist in hopes that he’s carrying the successful parts of previous relationships forward. Sharing the same birthday and middle name is irrelevant. Plenty of people have the same names in common. My mother and brother’s wife share the same first and last name and middle initial. Besides the point… you’re choosing to live in that shadow. Get out of it! She does not matter.
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Him n his ex clearly are still into eachother. wtf are u even still doing there?
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I would try to get him to get into counseling with you. For the sake of the kids. If he won’t do it, spell out to him in no uncertain terms exactly how you feel. Tell him how his family makes you feel. If he doesn’t want to address the problems, then maybe it’s time to consider a divorce. I would try to save the marriage first. But if you can’t, you can’t.
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I think it’s odd she’s still wearing the ring after however many years. That’s not healthy. He should WANT to have that vow renewal because it’s something you want. It doesn’t have to be elaborate to be special
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Ask for the ring. Doesn’t need to be necessarily expensive. Plan that vow renewal even if it is small and sweet you still get that sense of your wedding and your time.
And just communicate with him what is going on. If that doesn’t work you could consider therapy.
And honestly what she does as in wearing the ring still—that’s her choice not much you can do about that but I can understand how it is weird.
Get rid of those things that are hers clothes etc. There is no point in keeping them.
But I think seeking a couples counselor would help greatly
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And clean house!!! Get rid of all of her stuff. Trash it, burn it IDC but get it out of ur house!!!
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Maybe you shouldn’t have married someone that was previously married. Honey you’re upset about things that you SETTLED for. YOU SETTLED for a wedding in a dining room. YOU SETTLED for a man that lied to you regarding her. YOU SETTLED waiting 5 years for a ring. This is more of a YOU problem then a her problem. I think maybe you need some counseling. This woman is living in your head rent free and she’s probably not worried about you or him.
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Same birthday and the same name??? No thank you. You are a replacement of her to him and them…
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l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 15512 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
He’s not over her. You’re clearly a replacement. Get some self worth and leave your unfortunate situation.
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Stop being jealous 
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Omg.
Have you told your husband all this ? And he’s done nothing to change ? Then he’s not for you.
You need to leave …
sounds like he’s still hung on his ex and your being tormented about it. JUST LEAVE. Move to a new place, have a change in scenery where nobody knows your name. I mean change your name if it’s bothering you so much. JUST GO.
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The biggest place she’s still relevant is on your feelings and mind. For others to accidentally confuse you two during appointments because of the same birthday and last name is very common, it would happen to ANYONE with shared DOB and last name. He can’t help that you drive by their wedding location. These are problems that are Not fixable and until you process the fact that there was a marriage before you, but it doesn’t have to do with you now, you will keep reliving this hurt. I highly suggest therapy, they will be able to help you process and reprogram your thoughts in a healthier way.
As far as the ring and her wearing it, that’s her property to do what she wants with. As far as you not having a ring, that’s something you need to communicate with your husband. It’s a need for your happiness for you to have one. Second marriages are often not met with the grandeur of a first wedding. I can understand his reservations in wanting a ceremony. When you decided to commit to someone you also decide to compromise on their wants too. This should have been discussed long before the ceremony took place.
I again suggest therapy separately and couples if you want this relationship to work.
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My heart breaks for you I don’t know what to say but follow your heart you deserve to be happy to
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At first I was like ok well they didn’t work out for a reason and he clearly married you for a reason and get over it, but the rest of the details…. He definitely isn’t over her and it’s inappropriate. Would not have married him in the first place.
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Sweetheart he basically replaced you with her you have the same name same birthday except different years that’s a replacement life not a fucking new relationship
This is when counseling comes into play you need a safe space to speak openly and be heard and vice versa
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l get pald over $ 130 per hour w0rking from h0me. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $ 18014 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Sounds like he isn’t over her.
He doesn’t respect your marriage at all a vow renewal is the least he could do and get you a ring,that’s just ridiculous he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, the fact he still had her things that’s weird it’s not like she passed she’s still alive 
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Don’t blame you my husband at first talked about a girl friend that he had a daughter with I was so miserable he always bragged about her cooking it was disgusting and so painful plus money every pay day she would send her daughter to beg for money one time gave her his entire check I was working my butt off to pay our bills he finally past away and I diconnected from his entire family I lived in both mother and his daughter he always out them first it made me so angry yep I was also felt like I was a shadow and sometimes invisible
find your worth please then he will see he better get his act together or lose you
Honey, you’re not married. You’re a fill in. You’ve settled for this behavior & you allow it. Ppl will treat us how we allow.
I’m my hubs 2nd wife & there’s no comparing or discussions. I’d have left. We’ve been happily married 14yrs.
Your sons are seeing this. You want them seeing you disrespected like this? 
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He should not have contact with her since they didn’t have children together.
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Nor should you have to. If he’s unable or unwilling to meet your needs, validation is a need, then the relationship won’t last. He should want to make you feel important, the fact that he doesn’t want to renew your vows knowing it bothers you, is a concern. The fact that he thinks it’s okay to not get you a ring(any ring would be fine I’m sure)is not okay. I get it, you feel second best, like she’s what he really wanted and it didn’t work out so he made it work with you but is giving minimum efforts. Unacceptable.
Also, the fact he cheated on you for two years with her, is a really hard fact to get over especially with everything else.
I think you really need to evaluate your life and see if this is what you want to deal with for the rest of it because it doesn’t sound like he’s going to change, so you’re feelings are always going to be hurt. I’m so sorry.
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Stop allowing these thoughts in your head. Fix something if you think it’s your husband leave, you mentioned a ring do you have a wedding ring? If not that’s definitely not ok. A lot of red flags here. I don’t think I can live in the shadow of someone else.
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Stop it already. Let the past rest, you can’t change it. You’re letting your own insecurities get the best of you. You’re jealous of the ex and if you let it, it will ruin your relationship now. You’re putting yourself in her shadow so walk out from under that cloud and see the sunshine. Raise your head high and know what was was and you can’t change that. Don’t ruin your son’s lives will silly jealousy 
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Tell them that they have a good and forgiving heart to be able to continue communication with her, keep pictures and constantly talk about her knowing she cheated, hurt and left him. That’s a forgiving heart (sarcasm). Mil is not allowing him to move on, watch her. Do tell her it bothers you and you feel this is so inappropriate and backstabbing. Personally, I don’t know any mothers who would still be friends with someone who hurt their son.
You seem to be the one placing yourself that way. And the moment you did that’s the only place you’re going to see yourself. You need to be comfortable as his wife and accept the fact he was married before you. That was his wife, that was the woman he loved. You allowed that type of wedding. You chose to stay with these behaviors. These are things you chose to be okay with. You decided that was your value in his life since the beginning. Now you need to decide if that’s the value you still want to be. He’s clearly never moved forward. You married him with this knowledge. You have to choose to continue to accept as he has clearly always been with you or move on.
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Honey he’s military, I think that’s the only red flag you needed lol
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Best way to chase him out constantly whine about the woman who was his wife. You got him, you cannot make him forget his life before you. So quit letting every little thing send you in to a jealous tizzy.
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Counseling. The answer is Counseling. Have you tried sitting down with him and talking?? Tell him how you feel. Don’t get emotional, but tell him!! If he loves you, he will listen. Then… Counseling
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#1: I agree try Counseling…If he won’t go with you …go by yourself, so it can help you handle this. #2…Go to your favorite Jewely store and pick out a ring you like and buy it, since he’s insensitive to your feelings in wanting one. This means if you have sat down and told him just how you feel about having one and what you have written. #3… I can’t imagine why you’ve put up with his mother treating you like this, in other words I’d call her on it… #4… If the ex’s clothes are still being carried around with your moves gather them ALL up and take them to the nearest Salvation Army store…If he says anything …ask him how would he feel if you did what he’s been doing ? #5 Change doctor’s and hospitals if this continues to upset you with the mix up on dates and names. #6 When you take your children to school …drive a different route to the school. The most important thing is to communicate with your husband in a quiet setting without kids or interference. If he doesn’t agree to Counseling and what’s important to you in you feelings…then that’s your answer.
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From experience I was widowed for 25 years remarried, I still fill as if I’m still reminded of my first husband, and I believe you’ll just need to deal with these things, and if not there may be another separation, but he should not be sneaky and drive you crazy, Good luck
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He married you! Give your marriage some credit.you even began your post with " I am my husbands second wife" don’t give in to these petty misconceptions, that’s your mind playing tricks…Make him buy you a damn ring & have it ready for your renewed vows in a certain time frame., if it’s important to you,it should be important to him.,men don’t usually understand ceremonies…but above all, don’t let part of his past affect your family now…bc his past and yours played a significant role in who you are today…build your relationship, hang out certain times of day/week and make it work, sounds like you already have a good thing, don’t ruin it by over thinking. 
My husband has kids with both his ex wives and I hardly ever heard about them. They aren’t letting each other go and you have some thinking to do…
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If you don’t want to live in someone else’s shadow, stop putting yourself in it. I am my husband’s second wife, also military. I don’t share a birthdate with his ex, and still get called by her name when I go to the clinic. I just correct them and move on. We’ve been married 12 years. It doesn’t bother me because she’s his ex. I’m his current. I don’t care if they had a better wedding. I don’t care where they got married. I don’t care that he still has stuff. It’s not hard to not compare yourself.
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Get mad quit being a door mat remind him of the bad times, get therapy and quit the jealousy you might not have a ring but you have 2 kids and him.
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Have him an his family show you some respect or leave you think!
Hugs. All the way around hugs.
You both need to go and have therapy marriage counselor or someone else because you are not being heard and maybe if you go there he will finally hear what you are saying and if he doesn’t do anything about it then let him go!
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I hate to ask this but did you guys get married because you both wanted to or was it because you guys had kids together? That could play a big part of it… if he felt pressured to marry again because he was having kids. Especially if he’s doing everything so much less then he did for her. Second marriage or not, no one should feel like they’re being compared to an ex… I’m sorry 
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That is terrible/ to be married to someone and have his children to always feel second 🥲
I wonder how he would feel if he was walking in your shoes hun.
I’m soo sorry but that just isn’t right !!
You are either his first priority or your not, his choice ???
However I hope he makes the right one !
He was still talking and having relations with her and you still married him? Sis you deserve better.
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I’m about to catch hate for this but girl, just go. Thats ridiculous dealing with all that.
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What you allow and have allowed will continue, until YOU put a stop to it. If he is still hung up on her, he must understand that that is a hard limit for you and that you aren’t going to move forward as his WIFE unless it stops. I hope that you can talk to one another openly and seek counseling. It sounds like this has just continued to snowball, especially since they had inappropriate conversations during your first 2 years of marriage. Time to put your foot down. He either comes around or he doesn’t, but your feelings are valid. Don’t let him continue to disrespect your marriage over a relationship that ended long before you met.
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Sounds like he’s taking you for granted & needs a wake up call. Start very quietly getting your paperwork/ other things in order. Rent a storage unit & start moving yours & the kids things out one by one. You deserve better.
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Try talking to him about how you feel then seek out counseling i can honestly see that your jealous of the ex also i do fully believe that they have not gotten fully over each other like you said its only been two years.also my husband and I have been married 9 years and he didn’t by me or himself a wedding set up until a few months ago but thats because money was a problem I was wearing it up until it started discoloring me finger and tearing my finger up so I quit wearing it now it just lays on the dresser I want to wear it but I’m afraid it’ll just tear my finger up again I have since then just asked him to get me a new one but he never gave me an answer on that so I’m not so sure if I’m getting another one or not
Tell him how you feel!
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You shouldnt have to.
It sounds like he is still in love with her and is in denighal.
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Sadly you will always be referred to as his second wife (as this is his second marriage )
You can’t help having the same names and dob as she does
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She will be relevant as long as you make her relevant! You are you so live for you. Shadows move when you do. Embrace yourself and be who you were meant to be. Thank you and your husband for your service.
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Either talk to him and lay it all out or leave. It’s not going to end if you don’t put an end to it.