Also, I was so tired from the anxiety and doing it all alone I looked at my mom one night and said I need to take her to the fire house I cannot do this. I was also in an abusive relationship fighting w him. I never meant it but I was crying out for help.
Normal, no and uncommon, again no. Talk with your OBGYN. My daughter was totally debilitated after her second child with post partum anxiety. You need relief from the anxiety and fear of death of your loved ones. Seek help. Good luck!
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Call your ob they can help you thru postpartum depression 
Please talk to your doctor. Yes it’s normal to feel off after a birth but not like this and you don’t have to feel this way.
I had a traumatic birth experience. 52 hours for my baby to move an inch, poorly inserted epideral so I wasnt even medicated, among a tirade of other crap. It’s part of the ppd. .talk about it with people close to you. Let them know in a way of, hey I have this going on, help when you can. Hopefully you feel back to normal soon. Hang in there
I had a hormonal imbalance and had those same symptoms but mine was when I was 3 to 6 months pregnant
I’m so sorry you had such trauma. Though my issue is a bit different I understand. I lost my son Nick in a car accident in 2016. In 2012 I lost my nephew Danny in a school shooting. Our family has lost two young men way before their time. I still have anxiety when anyone in my house leaves, even to go to work. Faith and friends have carried me through. Maybe you should let your dr know. Perhaps some counseling or group therapy can help you
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PLEASE be sure your OB/GYN is aware of your feelings!
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PPD. Talk to your ob. Get meds and a support group. Pregnancy and childbirth hormones throw our body completely out of whack without trauma