Throw the whole husband away and work on yourself
I didnāt read all of it, but went through most of this myself. Get out. He wonāt change and neither will his family. And heāll never put them in their place.
Tell him you are broken and no longer can put a fight. Ask him if he loves you and the children. If the answer is yes then you two should seek counsel for restoration of your marriage.
If domestic violence has taken place then leave immediately!!
Fix your relationship with your family. And leave he does not appreciate you and by the sound of it. It sounds like he might be cheating as well. He been checked out of the marriage. So i would work on self. Find a job in childcare if need be and let your kids go with you to work or the school district. Or do in home childcare to make money while he is working. Build relationship back with family and get out of there.
The sad fact is, youāve allowed it to become your life. The hard fact is, you deserve better but you have to make some serious changes. I donāt know where you are but you need to get to a library and check out resources in or outside of your area. Do it fast.
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Well here I goā¦he did ask you what was bothering you. So he noticed. Maybe instead of launching into how you had no feelings for him, you might have approached it by saying you want alone time with him to get the spark back in your marriage, that you want back what once was.
By no means am I telling you to stay in an abusive relationship, but take it from one who knows, raising kids alone is tough if you have no family or close friends for emotional support. Without my best friend I never would have made it.
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You know when people say just leave they think itās easy but itās not. If you have no family or friends to stay with you canāt just leave. Also if you have no money you canāt leave. If you have no job you canāt leave. Yes you can call and see if there is room at a battered womens shelter but a lot are already full.
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You canāt make an unhappy person happy. Joy come from within so first stop taking responsibility for his happiness, it is not your problem to solve. Now getting to you, never put your very livelihood in someone elseās hands with out a back up plan. An adult should have some level of self provided insurance for the well being. You need your own money. I dont know the ages of your kids but you need a job even if you work from home. Check on resources available in your area, womenās organizations, family services etc. Ylou have to decide to make a plan now for your future whether with or or not. If he left you tomorrow youāre up a creek without a paddle. You better start working on your own paddle. Even if you stay together baby you just donāt put yourself in a position where if someone else decides not to buy the food you and your children cant eat. Unhappy parents make unhappy children. Additionally he probably feels no fear of you leaving because heās thinking whereās she going she hasnāt got any money and no job or family. Has he controlled the money so closely that you dont have a nest egg or savings? If the answer is yes ask yourself why he need that kind of control. Time to make a plan for you and your children. Pray for direction and protection.
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Sounds like heās narcissistic. research that and you will know itās not you, Dr. Henry Cloud has books on the subject. This is a hard personality, but with God all things are possible. You seem very strong. Educate yourself you & God for this.
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I been in the same situation thank God for my family because i moved out and I feel so relieved
Get out and donāt look back. You donāt deserve to be treated like that and he will never change no matter what. Call the hotlines and leave and trust me you will be so much happier not living with someone like that!
Id put yourself 1st , and start dishing him his own medicine.
Id get a job evenings. And start being stingy and hiding money.
Id prepare for your future without him.
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Ive always learnedā¦ One happy parent is better then 2 unhappy parents. Your kids see this. They notice it. If it was meā¦ I would do the best i could to get back to family.
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Oh gosh, I am so sorry. Maybe just start ignoring him. Go tan, take the kids on adventures and donāt invite him, and do things for yourself that make YOU feel good. Make your favorite meals, not his. If he wants to ignore you and not appreciate you, he will see what its like. And more than likely, you will have awesome sex, and he will,be begging for your attention
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Mend your relationships with family and friends. It sounds like you will really need them. Explain the abuse. You need to leave.
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Find an evening cleaning job or take on something at home if you have computer skills,or mind someone elses kids for money and dont tell him how much your eeally getting.Getbin touch with your closest old friends im.sure you will be able to speak to one person you used to be close to.Failing this call a help line there may be more help out there that you dont know about.But you need to leave if he doesnt help fix it.
I wish I could pm.
Just so you know, there are many, many other woman going through the same thing.
Can you go to counseling? Take videos of the emotional abuseā¦ Those two are a good startā¦ Thereās ALWAYS a way, you just need to investigate, inform yourself. Talk to a divorce lawyer, she/he will give you great adviceā¦youāll be fine!!!
Sooooo
You started the āasking for adviseā with HIS side of the family, but you both donāt have family or friends as you said, so you do but just donāt bother with them.
Understandable
Does your husband still interact w them?
Was that his decision or yours?
Iām curious on why you started your plea with them being the first problem???
Iām not in your home to know whatās going on, so my first thought was,;
well is he resenting you for not liking or putting up with his family? Did you force him to choose you over
them?
What about the kids in this where are they?
And my main concern through this whole story is every single complaint is about him.
What he does
What he says
What about you???
Where are your faults in this story.
These are my questions and I think if you answer them. You will find what your looking for.
Good luckā:bouquet:
Then:
You are dealing with a narcissist and emotional abuser, make me used the silent treatment to. Abuse of never your fault and no god can fix a bad marriage if it involves abuse. Getting into therapy and buying gift cards randomly helped. I would also say a advocate can be a saving grace!
I have felt what you feel. I know how it is to be ignored by the man whoās supposed to be your best friend. Find a job first and foremost. Find something thatās flexible. Get a job thatās not the same shift as him. Then he has to be home with the kids so you can go to work. Thereās always a way. Find yourself again. Donāt sleep with him anymore and get a job so you can leave. Go to the courts and find a lawyer that can help for a cheaper price. Some may even help you for free. Praying for you. You can do it.
Find a way out for your happiness for you and your children youāll be more happier and lifeās too short to stay be unhappy wish you the best
Get a job at night when heās home. There are plenty of night shift jobs, supermarkets, warehouses, fast food places that are open late or 24 hrs and start saving every paycheck to get an apartment. Donāt ask him for permission, just do it. He will be home with kids and the kids will be asleep so he wonāt have to do anything for them.
Please go see a counselor before you take advice of online strangers. Only they can tell you if heās actually a narcissist and if your situation is classified as abuse. We are all just giving advice based on our own experiences which is unique to yours.
If someone can break to the point you change do you want to be with that person anymore ? As for regaining family or friends have you tried just sending pics of the kids one pic and one day at a time . After a while you should be able to talk to your family ā¦ they love you they may just be avoiding seeing you hurt because it hurts them as well . But you can suggest counseling for you guys but most likely heās not going to want to do it ā¦ who knows maybe he may want to . As for money if youāre serious about leaving try calling the local welfare department see if you can talk to someone and explain your situation ask them if there is somewhere they can suggest you seek help getting away or getting daycare to watch the kids while you work ā¦ but at the end of the day you need to think about whatās worth it to you ā¦
wow sounds a lot like my relationship, i too feel stuck. mine was the same the exact same, egotistical narcissistic and a POS iām sorry do what you can and get out, pray!! he will never change
Get on a phone, call a shelter, and THEY will come and get YOU AND KIDS. Call police when HE is at work and THEY will take you to a shelter. Now at SHELTER these people will help YOU REBUILD YOUR LIFEā¦Act now and do it
I would suggest a work at home job if your town is that small, there are many groups on fb that can help you with the search so that you can get out and leave him. I would also suggest if you want to stay maybe suggest another way to talk to him, maybe the way is what said he got defensive. I agree communication is the key to any marriage but wording it also helps
Go to college. Itās online now. There are resources for tuition and it gives you something to be proud of as well as a skill, in case things donāt work out.
Oh dear slave of self control is needed get out daily money get from food money he is spending on self u need to leave help is in bigger area so move there
There should be a number to call for counseling through the Domestic Abuse Hotline. You could probably do some conseling over the phone or internet if you have that available. Years ago I was in a domestic abuse situation in a small town and they gave me a number to call and I was able to stay with a woman in her house. I realize with kids that is harder but Iām sure it can be done They might arrange for you to go to the nearest one in the nearest town The fact that you dont see any of his payceck is a red flag too.
Can you contact your family at home? You are being abused and you need to leave. There are womens shelters. Find one. Dont let him know youāre leaving or he could get violent. You dont deserve to be treated badly.
You donāt see his paycheck but you do the grocery shopping right? Start getting $20 cash back every time you go or more if you can get away with it
Leave, you and the children need to start fresh. Remember your kids are watching and it can weigh them down.
I know, I am doing the same June 30th our lease is up and myself and our daughter are moving in with my parents, I canāt do it anymore. 13 years of trying to communicate has been rough and it has taken itās toll on us.
If you do the grocery shopping use the debit card to get cash out and save it. When I found out my ex was running around, I saved $20 a week until I wasnāt stuck any more. Additionally, since you do not work away from the home and have children. You arenāt the one who has to move. He does, and if you get a legal separation, he will be required to continue to pay your bills, possibly. Contact and attorney and find out what your options are.
I was in the same situation. Felt I couldnāt escape with 3 kids. When youāre ready you will go. Where thereās a will thereās a way! Contact DHHS!
Are you working if not get a job feel better about yourself join a church tell him you want him to work on it with him
It could return but u have to be there thru the coals. get a dollar notenook from the store and only write in it about your relationship and what you wrote here. Be your own sounding board thru paper. STOP PICKING THE PATH THAT MAKES SOCIETY HAPPY. THE CHOICE BECOMES EASIER. Your kids are watchingā¦ Oh i just live thru pain and abuseā¦kids you should too. Noā¦ If u dont see a cent then buy stuff and return it before going homeā¦figure it outā¦ U will make ur kids that much stronger.
Positive vibes babe and keep putting your foot down keep talking about it and bringing it up he canāt ignore it for everā¦ get a motel room and leave for a night to wake him up sleep on the couch change your routine to open his eyes
Prayer does work but you have to listen to the answer. Get to a councilor if you can. If I were you I would try to figure out what I could do to make my life and the kids better. Is there a church you could go to. Take the kids out to a park. If your life is bad then so are theirs.
He strikes at you like a snake when you hurt him. Get counceling
Talk to your Pastor at churchā¦They can help you as an individual or a couple whichever you prefer.
Were were you located? I have a quiet large network I both work within and run, this being a mostly world wide network I run.
Were this type of issue is a verry high upon what we all on assisting and helping with.
I donāt just speak of this as a person with no prior knowledge.
I myself have been in a similar situation as no two situations are ever the same.
I have both suffered from both mental and physical abuse from previous partners and can relate to most of what you must be feeling in this situation.
Iād love to be able to help you in anyway if I can both personally and through the network I run.
If you would like to contact me to see if there is any help Iād be able to organise you or even if itās just to vent or talk with someone that can relate.
Please do not hesitate to pm me, or if it makes you more comfortable just ask me for my other contact details.
Xx
Iāll pray for you and your family hope something comes out right just praying to God ask him to help you youāll come through
You canāt change anyoneās āspark,ā but your own. If you truly are sick and tired, you are sick and tired enough to find, and take the steps necessary, to take action and find your path. The feelings are real, your experience is real; however, you cannot lose yourself to the situation nor the feelings. You have the responsibility to show your children what parents do in the face of adversity- either you will suck it up and get on with it, or will use the same strength to move on from it. Whatever you choose, it is the right choice. The only quandary is knowing which. Only you can decide.
Kinda sounds like my marriage. The selfishness from husband was uncanny. After 10 years, I got a divorce with 4 small children. Letās say I seen first hand why women stay in unhealthy relationships. Trying to adjust was horrible. But I have been divorced for 7 yrs and glad I did what I did.
Your happiness is very important and needed when raising children.
I pray for you have strength durning this time
Honey Iām believe in God. I am a Christian. Yes you should pray for him but that does not mean you need to stay where you arent valued. I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. And your situation sounds very similar. I didnt marry him or have children with him thank God but it very easily could have been that way if he didnt decide to break it off with me and i decided this time I wasnāt going to go back. You are worth so much and you donāt have to put up with this. If he is not willing to change, start making your escape plan. I dont know how old your children are but Iām assuming they arent in school. Start researching places to go and the min you have enough gas money to get there and maybe enough to stay a night or two in a hotel do it. Then go to the human resources office and tell them whats going on. They can probably get you into a shelter, help with finding childcare and a job and help with food stamps. File for divorce and leave the papers there for him to sign and get yourself a lawyer lost if tgem will do it for cheap or even probono. Try to file before he does.
That is so sad may be he HAS a girl friend if he donāt sit and listen and try to work it out there js some thing wrong. What is he ask him if he will see marriage counselor or minister priest .if ur arab shahik. If he refuses there is some one else. You need to find a job a get the hell out were are ur family at let them know maybe they can se nd u money to go back home OR come and get u.dont youhave any relatives here at all my heart feels for you plz go to mosque if your arabic or to church for help someone will help you hope he dosent hit you .
I suggest u forward this post to him and let him read it so he can understand how u feel
Because a situation like that can end badly
honey Im praying for you and the kids may god lead you the right way
If ur this miserable find a lawyer. He might respond to papers. You will never.be happy
Move away from
The family although that might not work. He probably deny therapy.
Search narcissist. Iām in the exact same spot, except we donāt have sex anymore, for almost 2 years. Iām praying for a way out or to at least survive this relationship till my kids are grown (8 more years). Then it wonāt be as hard to leave because my kids can help themselves and I can be homeless for all I care. 
Start with you, get a job and take care of yourself. You will get what you need strength and courage.
Youve married a.narcasistā¦leaveā¦
You probably should get out of the marriage. You need to find friends and help like a shelter. I am very against the old-fashioned the wife stays home takes care of the kids the husband works lifestyle. Women need to associate with other women, have their own money thatās not given to them, and have their own self esteem. You need to be responsible for yourself and you will feel so much better even with hard work. You will be proud to say that you did it. He has you so closed off to the rest of the world and this is exactly how he controls it for you.
I just read this, I thought I would share it with you, I wish you peace, love and clarity!!!
Just imagine the pressure of that man taking care of all those people alone, 3 kids and a wife, in this day and age. Why are you isolated from your family? Why are you trying to isolate him? Something is not right here and you need to look at yourself. Sounds like youāre draining the relationship and him. Work on yourself, contribute to the marriage financially and emotionally. Reconcile with family and friends on both sides for the health of your children and the both of you. There are plenty of things you can do to work from home or in the evenings. Working may bring you some self esteem and give him some financial relief, which should also contribute to a healthy family. When there are 3 kids involved you owe it to them to give them a healthy family. Healthy families include grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends. I can bet youāre isolated because you are doing the isolating. Just advice because you asked for it but you can best believe you are headed for heartache and struggling for your whole family, ESPECIALLY for your kids if you decide youāre just āunhappyā. Poverty, isolation, step parents, split custody, probably lifetime battle with the ex and his familyā¦ Iām sure fighting him and his family alone will be tough but it sounds like they will rally around him if you left. He may even get custody with being the only one with job and family to help with the kids. It sounds like its time to look inward and help your situation, yourself. It seems like you love your family and its not too late to fix it. Or get out, and go through the rest, it doesnāt seem like this man actually abuses you and I also wonder if youāre actually hurling abuse at him because youāre frustrated with yourself and your choices. WHY donāt you have any family or friends? Not even a best girlfriend? Start there. I say your family is worth fighting for. So are you. I say this with the best intentions. I would say this to my own child. Best of luck! I hope you update us with great news eventually. 
Maybe call a counseling office and see if they can give you some resource contact phone numbers. Maybe call womenās shelters in nearby cityās and see if they can get you in contact with resources in your city. Search abused womenās help near me. Getting out seems to be the concern right now so maybe going to a womenās shelter in a different city would be your best option. Ask him to go to couples counseling if you want to work on it, his reply will help you gauge how much he is willing to put in. Start reaching out, making calls and you will find the direction you are meant to go. Wishing you all the best!
First of all hes not meeting your needs. Marriage is a 2 way street. Let him know that. This is why most women leave is because it becomes one way which would be his way. I wouldnt even offer sex till your needs are met as well. Iām sorry your going through this. Hes sounds like a narcissist but hard to tell because I dont know to much about him.
Amen Cathy Baker, amen
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Pray. Get a job. Start with that
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Thoughts and prayers are always with you. I hope things get better.
Prayers for both of you.
Just leave him girl your not happy mentally physically and sexually ā¦ hello !
omg get rid for Gods sake
Maybe u should try being in his shoes he has no family. Around him and yes he only gets 1mom so u should maybe try getting along w his family and let his mom b a grandma instead of trying to leek your children from his mom there his kids to just stop he loves u BUT it canāt b all about u/your family (Just think how he feels he is a great guy but u r making him feel like shit