I am in love with my childs father and husband...help?

I’m in love with both my daughters dad and my husband… tiny back story my daughters dad left us while I was pregnant and basically has had nothing to do with us since. I got married when my daughter was two to a past boyfriend. Recently my daughters dad has been reaching out to me, FaceTime texting and such and it’s just brought up so many feelings. He wants us to go see him so much of me wants to but I want to be loyal to my husband… but I’ve also been waiting for this moment for 5 years he was the first person I’ve ever loved. I know the right choice but?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am in love with my childs father and husband...help?

He left you once he’ll do it again. Don’t give up the good guy. You will regret it. It’s a game for him.

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Bro do you watch dhar Mann ? Watch his videos b and you’ll find your answer.

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He left you…. While pregnant…. So you are married to a decent man that you also “love”. Seems like old memories caught you. I think you should remember how you felt when he bailed on you pregnant to do it alone.

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Why would you be in love with a guy who left you and left you during pregnancy at that. F that guy.

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He left you at the worst time so he sure don’t deserve you now. Hell no!!! You know how bad it hurt you to be left so why even do that to your husband?!!!

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He left you…. While you were pregnant…. & you think this is worth losing your husband over? He’ll do it again. Toxic people never change. You’re just part of his game

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I think you are romanticizing what you wish the relationship could have been with your daughters dad rather than what it was… i understand wishing you had her two parents together but in my experience someone who could do something as bad as leaving you and his child does not ever change. No matter how much you love them. Imagine it not working out with her dad & you’re left alone regretting leaving the husband who was there for you. I would say don’t have contact with that man and be loyal to your husband.

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I’ve read this post 3 times now…he walked out on you when you was carrying his child and not wanted anything to do with you or the baby…until he came along you was happliey married…do your self and marriage a favour tell him to do one…and block all contact…you will distory your marriage if you don’t… don’t be a fool

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Dont do it. Hes bored and will just turn your and your daughters lives upside down all over again. Stay with the man that has been by your side supporting the both of you the entire time. Not the one that has proven to not care about either of you.

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You can be in love with more than one person. Different loves tho. Follow your heart. If you can’t decide then let them both go and heal yourself

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If this was a man, everyone would be jumping all over him for already cheating.
FaceTiming, texting, making plans to go see him??? Prettt sure that’s a definition of a cheating spouse

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Leave that first one alone. Nothing but trouble there.

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Listen!! Don’t mess up a good thing for someone that left u high n dry with his own bby in tow… him building a relationship with his daughter is important but if he comes in n out her life too then not even that is worth it. Good luck :four_leaf_clover::heart:

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Your married…this it meant to mean something like come on

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Your just fantasizing over what could have been…you wanna know how it would feel like to be a family together. That doesn’t change what he did. No good man walks away from a women and child. Stick with the good one you already have!!!

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If he truly was reaching out, he would come to see his kids , he wouldn’t expect you to drop everything to go see him. He’s a user who shows up when it’s convenient for him.

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Fuck that he left you and your kids and the guys you’re with now stepped up. Don’t do it why is that even a question

My daughters baby daddy left her TWICE BOTH PREGNANCIES TOXIC PEOPLE DONT CHANGE AND DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR ANYONE…don’t do it

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if you’re tempted then you need to speak to your current partner and tell him how you feel. it’s not fair on him. being tempted means you can’t love your current partner enough at all.

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Maybe you should’ve did a little work before getting involved/marrying someone when you were in pain.
You made a choice, be an adult.

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He left you and your baby then he will do it again. That’s what you need to focus on.

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Girl he left you when you were pregnant. A real man would have stood up and stayed Don’t toss out something good to go back to what wasn’t before.

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If you say your in love with your ex then you can’t truly love your husband. You ex abandon you while pregnant and now he’s back trying to manipulate you into going to see him and it’s working. I feel so sorry for your husband, your basically already emotionally cheating. Your ex will just use you for what he can for as long as you let him.

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He left you while you were pregnant and suddenly wants you back when you’re married and “happy”. If you ruin your family for your child’s dad, I guarantee he will do the same thing again to you. He doesn’t want you. He just doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

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OMG get off of here with that crap…you already cheating on your husband by just entertaining this idea…

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But nothing!! He showed his true character when he left. Your husband deserves better than that.

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Common love yourself first before you love someone else,just imagine how you felt when your baby daddy left you when you needed him the most just try to remember the emotion …there you have it,he is the same guy and you are married to a wonderful man who choose to love and raise another man’s child ,good luck

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Ex is an ex for a reason, don’t do it! You’ll ruin what you have now and it’s not worth it for a man that dipped out on you when you were pregnant, what sort of man does that!

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Those first loves feelings are hard to get past, but the moment he left you when you needed him most showed you the person he really was. You have someone now who loves and is there for you. Don’t be foolish behind feelings and loose out on what you have now. Your husband, kids, and YOU deserve better.

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If you know the right choice, why are you questioning it? I understand feelings for the man that helped you create the most important person in your life… But why even consider ruining your marriage for someone that abandoned not only you, but also his child. Not always, but chances are it will happen again. If you’re truly happy in your marriage, let your ex be a father and that’s it.

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If he wasn’t there then, he won’t be there now. Just my outlook.

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Is there a reason why he can’t come to you? If he wants to see you and his child he should make the attempt to see you not you go to him

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The right choice is to leave your husband who doesn’t deserve any of this.

How can u be in love with someone who left you when you needed his support the most? N hasn’t had any contact with his own child for years?

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Old keys don’t unlock new doors this is such a bad idea for you and your daughter

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Cheating is a choice.

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He knows you are better off and happy, so he’s showing back up to sabotage it. Don’t trust him. First loves usually never last. Your husband is he one for you and your kids! Hope you figure everything out and you and you kids are happy.
If he wants to connect, let him see his girl, but on your terms not his.

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You’re probably just trauma bonded with the jerk.

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Don’t let people bully you too much. These feelings are normal. You will probably always love him a little bit and that’s ok. What is important is to focus on the stability that your husband provides your family. I was in a similar boat years ago. I absolutely take my kid to see their bio dad that stepped out…but in doing so I saw that they wouldn’t have made a good “dad” full time. It helped me with closure. Just take a deep breath and feel the feelings and then let them go :heart: much love!

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and you shouldn’t even stay with your husband. you’re entertaining the idea of it, you’re thinking about it. your current husband deserves better than someone who is second guessing everything.

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He left you when you needed him the most. He’ll do it again. Don’t ruin what you have with your husband cuz you will regret it.

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He left you at the most important and vulnerable part of your life and essentially abandoned both you and his own CHILD. that right there should show you his true character. A tiger doesn’t change its stripes. your husband also stepped up to the plate so if you’re thinking of being disloyal to him when he has stepped up when he did not have to then he deserves someone better than that… just my two cents

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He must be a line cook living on his mama’s couch :smiling_face_with_tear:

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IMHO if you really sit there and uproot your child’s whole life just to have it ruined ??? Over YOUR feelings?! You’re an AH. Get it together, and put your child first.

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Honey, I have to agree with all the previous comments… Love the one you married and let that first love go… taking a chance on him, when his previous actions were Very clear… don’t mess up yours and your daughters life for a Hope and Wish.
Love the one your With… best of Luck to you.

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You probably shouldn’t have gotten married if you were still waiting on your ex. Do what you’re gonna do, but be open and honest… no sneaky.

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Let the past be the past. He manipulating you. He will destroy your marriage then walk away. Let him go girl. Let him go.

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If you leave your husband for the dead beat you are definitely not the brightest crayon in the box. Grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Its greener when you water it.

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Don’t do it. Either be faithful to your husband or get a divorce. It’s not fair to everyone involved.

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You’re in love with a man who abandoned you and your child? Lol girl THINK. You sure you love your husband if you don’t think you can be around your ex? And I’m not trying to be mean…

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No don’t what are their ages?

You’re saying you love your husband, yet you have been waiting for 5 yrs for this moment. Do you ever stop and listen to yourself. You started a life with your husband without moving on because it was convenient at that time and as soon as this opportunity arises that you have been waiting for you start questioning your feelings. Some of you are truly sickening…

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HE LEFT YOU WHILE PREGNANT!!! Pregnant!! Why go back to that?

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He’s reaching out to you because who ever he is with has or is about to kick him to the curb and he is using the kid you have together as leverage to get you back
DON’T
DO
IT

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You waited 5 years and you think he all of a sudden loves you and wants to make it work? Hell no. He wants to sabotage what you have and honestly, if you’re sitting there thinking about doing it then you deserve that. Your husband doesn’t deserve your messiness.

You can have “love” for your child’s father but not be in love with him. I think you are infatuated with the thought of your ex pursuing you now. Pump your brakes and stop being naïve. You know it isn’t gonna work!

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You daughters dad ain’t no man to leave his girl pregnant his baby, but have nothing to do with you both since :exploding_head:
Now he bored he want to come back , your poor husband. :exploding_head:
The grass ain’t greener like your daughters dad has found out, don’t spoil your life for a silly boy, he ain’t even a man to look after his baby, his little girl. I don’t know why your entertaining him.
Grow a back bone, dont be a walk over and fall for his words.

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If you don’t love the current husband, let him know that. But ex left you and you need to understand that. You really want a man who left you and his children? That’s not a man. Come on now.

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You Said I Do To Ur husband. Cheating is a choice. I’m sorry but I swear marriage means nothing to anyone in this page.

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He left you and your child. But now that you’re happy he pops back up. What you’re doing now seems to be on the verge of an emotional affair anyways and that means you don’t love your husband. If you can’t establish and keep boundaries with your daughters dad then you should leave your husband and go see what the baby dad will do to you this time

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He abandoned you… Wth are you thinking

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Sounds like your husband deserves better.

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The Grass is Green Where You Water It.
Bowl Over Husband for This? No.
You need to keep all communication with Baby Daddy about the Child Only.
Don’t Bring Heartbreak to Yourself.

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Why are you allowing yourself to entertain these fantasy ideas. Didnt he leave you and your baby? You are now married. You owe it to your husband to be honest. You owe it to your children to provide stability. Divorce him if you choose to entertain foolishness. Much peace and love ☆

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Like u said… U know the right thing to do!

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If he was such a good Dad or even a good partner he would not have left you. He would come to see his child not expect you to go to him if he really wanted a relationship with the child.

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If you love more than one person leave for the other man you never truly loved the husband to begin with, set him free let him be happy and do you

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Girl, that’s not love. It’s a trauma bond. Which is intoxicating af. I suggest avoiding him at all costs and getting in therapy asap before you blow up your entire life.

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Like you said, you already know the right answer.

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So I will tell you from experience, the idea of having “your family” with a man who left you while pregnant won’t work out how you think it will. You can try for the relationship for your daughter, but take your husband. It sounds like you have a good one. What you feel for baby daddy isn’t real, it’s a fantasy. Let it go.

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No. What your feeling isn’t love. Never forget how he ditched you during your pregnancy. Never FORGET.

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Please don’t go. It seems odd you would still love/or have any feelings for someone that left you and your baby. Just imagine what your teaching your child

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Mama, no. Like everyone else is saying, he literally left you while pregnant with his child. Why is he only coming around now? After 5 years you said? Be smarter. If he wants to be in his daughters life, make him work for it. Tell him to show you, make an effort first and warn him it’ll take a few months before you make your decision on his actions to be around your daughter or not.

Also, you need to get those feelings outta the way. You have a husband, I understand those feelings came back but again he left you while pregnant. How do you think he’d be now if you decided to leave your husband and run back to him? That’s a whole mistake.

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You’re “in love” with what he once made you feel and the illusion of who he pretended to be, not with who he truly is. He’s shown you who he truly is, he left you when you needed him the most. Your ex is manipulating you into believing that there’s still something there when there isn’t. You need to cut ties and communication with him immediately. Your husband loves you don’t mess up a good thing for temporary feelings. Js

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You’re feelings don’t matter at this point. You’ve found a man, a husband, who loves both you and your child! Your child should come first over these brought up old feelings. & to be honest you’ll both just end up hurt again in the end and you know it! That’s why you’re struggling on what to do. We women are dumb af sometimes and like to backtrack, but If you don’t want to lose what you have already, and if you want to be a good mom who is protecting her child, you better stay put lady.

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Go see him, sleep with him.
Ruin your marriage for a one night stand, possibly a short term fling…

Then you will be alone raising 2 children…

Seriously, if i were you, I’d work thru the emotions and close that door for good. There’s not many good men left, appreciate what you have .

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Childs father walked out on you once…its five years later…you think he won’t do it again.? You and your daughter need a full time father/ husband. You doing FaceTime and catching feelings isn’t being loyal to your now husband. I suggest taking your husband with you. He is your life now. Nothing wrong with co parenting for the child with her biological father. But beware he left once…what makes you think he will stick around now.

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Your husband deserves better. In what world is this ok? Thst would be a horrible idea.

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The right choice is therapy.

I don’t understand how you could love a man who walked out on you and his child and had nothing to do with her for years.

I also don’t understand how you could do a man who is actually there for you, loving you and a child that isn’t his, the way you’re considering doing him.

Your ex messaging/texting/FaceTiming and asking for you to come see him, KNOWING he’s a POS who abandoned his child and you’re married should have resulted in an instant block.

I’m sorry, but your husband deserves better!

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You cannot be in love with two people you can love two people bit not in love sounds like you married your husband as he was the easy and stable choice let him go if your even thinking of being with someone else regardless of who it is is cheating he abandoned you in the most vulnerable time while your husband sounds like a good man and if you can emotionally detach yourself to even think about your ex then your definitely not in love with him

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How do you have feelings for a loser?

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Hes jealous. That’s it! Leave him alone!

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You have unfinished business is what your feeling!!! Your married now and I understand all the emotions coming back and your just thinking about the good times and the good feelings!!! Think about how he ripped your heart out!!! Think about Your husband

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He left u when you were pregnant? I hope your getting child support. He’s probably just hard up and bored. Don’t fall for his nonsense. He’s never loved u.Stay with your husband

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But nothing? You shouldn’t have gotten married if you were waiting for someone else. You don’t love this guy you’re just bored, and reminiscent of a time that is long gone. He abandoned you and your daughter without a word. He left you to be a single mother. He left his daughter without even caring how she’s doing. She could have died and he wouldn’t have known or cared.

Yet here you sit thinking about cheating on the man that actually has been here for you. Wife of the fucking year.

He walked out on you and he will do it again if you want to see him for your daughter take your husband with you how would you feel if it was reversed

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It’s most likely bc you never got closer. Are you really wanting to leave a MAN who stepped up when a BOY left you and your daughter. Of you leave your husband for him it will come back some way to bite you in the ass. Especially bc he’s probably only reaching out bc you have moved on.

I wouldn’t be in love with a man that left me and my daughter… and then would insert himself back 5 years later… naw the only conversation you should have with him your daughter father is he planning and what he is planning to do be in yall daughter life and if not he can kick rocks … Your husband is the one that you should love and adore… Don’t be a be fool and fall for no good sperm donor you got

Do you really think this man actually loves you? OR is it more likely he’s playing a game. He didn’t love or care for you or the child if he just dipped out. And I’d suggest getting into therapy if you’re so willing to cause everyone trauma for some washed up baby daddy. And honestly it may be better to divorce since you don’t live or respect your family/husband bc you’ve been waiting for this moment. They deserve to be cared for and loved :100: and be number 1 in their partners eyes.

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He left you while pregnant and took 5 years to come back around. Hell NO! Unforgivable in my book. He’s trying to mess up your happy home now and play games. Focus on strengthening your daughter’s relationship w her dad, work out a custody schedule (you don’t have to go w her every time unless there is a safety concern and if so maybe have a family member supervise), use the time she is w her Dad to focus on strengthening your marriage and I’d even look into counseling bc what he did and is doing has got to be causing mental anguish to say the least.

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Your ex left you while you were pregnant with his child. Has been out of the picture for 5 years. He hasn’t gone to court for rights of your daughter or to pay child support. He’s taken no responsibility. He’s just been manipulating you. Why in the hell are you even talking to the looser? Block him on everything. Forget him & move on. He’s not worth your time, emotions, anything.

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Don’t ruin a good thing with a part time person! Feelings will fade after a while… don’t excite your daughters to have him turn around and leave again. (From experience) stay strong!!

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Lady who needs a woman in their life with a Heart :heart: like yours .At this point i dont even think Therapy would help you

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You don’t love either one. Not the way you think you do.

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He doesn’t get to come in the picture after sleepless nights, ER visits , endless diaper changes and everyday stress of being a PARENT… YOUR HUSBAND HAD DONE THESE THINGS WITH YOU AND FOR U AND YOUR CHILD . grow a back bone and realize he wants what he can’t have cause it’s easy… your husband has been through the good the bad and the ugly. #teamhusband

I think you should tell your husband your daughters father would like a relationship with her and allow them that. Nothing more. We all understand the “first love feelings” but you need to remind yourself of how hard it was to pick yourself up and get to where you are now and what you have with your husband. The communication you’re having with him is emotional cheating and is not fair to your marriage-it needs to stop. Now. Or be honest with your husband.

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Basically the child’s dad thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence ,only to find out that it isn’t , now he’s trying to worm his way back into your life and destroy what you have with your husband , if I was you I would run… don’t even go messing around with that man . You’re married now move on get over it he left you once… he’ll leave and use you again.

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If you want to stay married to your hub forget the ex .stop romanticizing something that may or may not be. people ruin relationships and have big regrets chasing something else.

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Let’s get some stuff straight.

You’re married. The man you married did stick around. For you and your child that isn’t his. This other guy literally made a baby and ran. He ran from BOTH of you. And it took 5 years for him to come around? Lol no thanks. If he really took that long to decide that he wanted either of you to be a part of his life he’s not the one. He’s a POS, a dead beat. And if you truly want to go see him your current husband deserves better.

If he wants a relationship with your daughter so be it. But he doesn’t need to do anything more than co parent with you. And you don’t need to be traveling to him. He can travel to you all to see your child if it’s try hat important to him to be a parent now. He needs to prove himself. And if he’s not willing to and you go easy on him all you’re doing is hurting yourself, your child, and your current husband. And for what? A POS that’ll take off again.

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