Am I in the wrong feeling the way I do? My husband has lost all motivation in life.… he’s a good dad/father but with his job he’s not going anywhere and he’s let himself go to the point where he also doesn’t care if he gets fired… I know this sounds horrible but hear me out… he’s been like this for 3 years now and at this point it’s just turning me off to the point that I get disgusted when he touches me… he isn’t the man I married anymore… he’s changed and I think we need space or possibly a divorce. Am I horrible for this?How can I motivate him? I’ve never said anything to him because I don’t wanna make him feel bad about himself… but I’m not happy anymore.
216 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/i-am-losing-feelings-for-my-husband-because-he-lost-all-motivation-advice/20440
He’s probably depressed. Talk to him and offer him options for help first.
20 Likes
Also people change over time, they age and grow older and things they used to like change, you can’t expect your spouse to stay exactly the same as the day you married them.
16 Likes
Sounds like depression to me. Maybe if y’all go to marriage counseling, it might help. Communicate with him.
7 Likes
He may have depression or some type of imbalance. I would suggest talking to him about it and counseling. Marriage is thick and thin IMO
6 Likes
Maybe he’s depressed. Talk to him . Don’t attack him just tell him what you see and your concerns and ask if he needs to see a doctor
4 Likes
Jobs DO wear you out to the point you just do not care what happens (it happens). Maybe he has personal things going on that he doesn’t speak of 
. It’s been three years and you now want to say something?
20 Likes
He sounds depressed. Perhaps you should encourage him to go to the doctor. Help him up. Get him to go for walks with you and the kids.
8 Likes
You know, my husband got sorta that way. He was just burnt out with his job. So WE talked and he proceeded to get another career. At first he did OTR trucking, which is nice money, but he hated not being with us more. So he still trucks, but local only now so he’s home every night. So it will be hard at first and he even took a BS job to cover bills til he got the training needed but it helped his mood. So I suggest talking with your husband (should of did it yrs ago). If he doesn’t want to better y’all’s life then make your decision. Everyone gets burnt out…
5 Likes
Your concept of “till death do us part” was weak to begin with. Pathetic.
15 Likes
Communication is 
Shit happens in life and people go through things. Sounds like both of you need to talk I don’t think divorce is the answer especially when you basically haven’t tried anything . sounds more like your just looking for a way out
What you need to do is sit down and have a good talk with him, be honest and open. Ask how he’s been feeling and what you feel. Your problems won’t be resolved if you just up and tell him you want to leave him. For better or for worse is in your wedding vows. And I’m sure if you were in his position you would want some understanding and wouldn’t want to be left alone to deal with problems on your own.
2 Likes
In all honesty, what have you done to motivate him ? Have you tried to find out why ? Have you offered assistance to guide him back into his normal ways ? A man doesn’t just change overnight and there is most likely a reason why. Depression, stress, life itself, many things come into play. A marriage is a til death do us part, not until things get hard. You don’t throw it away yet you fix what is broken. Rekindle that spark and keep it lit by focusing on each other more often and on your marriage. Take the time for the two of you, make it a happy time again, and have more date nights and random spontaneous adventures. You will eventually have the same problem with the replacement and you can’t keep replacing lmfao. Things get dull sometimes and that’s okay but take the time to find out why and attempt to make the relationship last.
23 Likes
If he hasn’t always been this way there’s a pretty good chance that something is going on hes probably depressed. You need to talk to him And tell him how you’re feeling that’s the only way you guys are ever going to be able to fix anything if you want to fix it. Maybe counseling would help?
2 Likes
If you’ve never said anything then how do you expect anything to change? Marriage is supposed to be for better or worse. You have to communicate and work through the issues in your marriage. The first step would be to tell him how you’re feeling, in a non confrontational way.
4 Likes
I never understood why someone let’s their marriage get to this point.
You haven’t said anything because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. Well how do you think the whole family you made together is going to feel about a breakup and divorce?
You need to put on your big girl panties and have a good talk with him. Possibly seek counseling.
16 Likes
If you still love him deep down, I would 100% seek counseling. You will both need to go though.
2 Likes
How’s your job/career going?
4 Likes
Girl you’ve got to pick your man up when he’s down! He sounds depressed! Maybe encourage him before just jumping ship. First, you shouldn’t have waited 3 years to address this. It sounds like he needs therapy or a new career. The reason you can’t stand him is because YOU waited this long to figure out what is going on with him. He’s your husband and marriage isn’t always pretty. Times get tough and you’re supposed to pick each other up when the other is down!
13 Likes
He could be depressed and not even realize it, or struggling mentally another way. And with the stigma on mental health he might not even realize it.
Marriage counseling and individual counseling doe each of you.
You need to communicate, and work through it together.
3 Likes
Hes burnt out on the job …1 small thing and your ready to divorce. You sound lovely. He deserves better tbh. Your disgusted since hes not “motivated” i really hope your excelling in your career or who tf do you think you are. Havent said anything but ready to end the marriage 
Sounds like you just want out and making stupid excuses!
8 Likes
For better or for worse….Try to get him help.
1 Like
I don’t understand people who say “til death do us part” then say stuff like this. Would you leave your kid or disown your parents if they got stuck and lost ambition? Most people wouldn’t. Maybe try being supportive and less judgements. Encourage him to do something that will help him- you are supposed to do that for your spouse. But I’m sure my opinion is less popular because everyone is looking for the instant gratification and instant fix instead of actually making a marriage work and til death do they part. 
13 Likes
You sound entitled. Heaven forbid he has feelings. You married that man. Be there for him. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot and you let yourself go? Youd be crying that he left you for something petty.
7 Likes
Yes you are horrible. You’re married to him, he’s the father of your children. Because he’s not as motivated at work you want a divorce without even talking to him once in 3yrs? This is as much on you as him.
4 Likes
communication, honestly I think you should try it .
Honeymoon phase is over for you, now you can’t handle the reality of an actual marriage! Be there for him, support him, motivate him, encourage him to do better. Don’t just run when things aren’t going well for you. Marriage takes work, from both sides
5 Likes
You said you haven’t spoken to him about it but I guarantee he senses it in your behavior. I may be in the minority here but perhaps divorce is not a bad idea. It seems clear this is a “fair weather” marriage for you and instead of communicating or attempting to figure the root cause you have devalued him and are disgusted. Hint: No marriage or relationship will sustain how it was like in the earlier days. There will be possible illnesses and definite hardships.
2 Likes
Sounds like it’s well past time you talk about this with him. Get to the root cause of why so that you can help your husband through this… is he open to seeing a therapist? What about you both seeing a therapist together? It definitely sounds like depression could be a big part of it. Sometimes we as wives need to put in a little extra effort to lift our husbands up and carry them through hard times too.
I’d highly suggest asking him to sit down and have a talk with you where you both stay calm and honest. Tell him the rules of the conversation will be staying calm, honest and not meant to offend each other but to resolve whatever may be going on but you both need to be honest about how you feel and why you feel that way.
2 Likes
You’re watching the man you married dwindle into a depression and you just stood by and said nothing?
12 Likes
Yea, ur way of going about this is all wrong and selfish
4 Likes
How sad , you’re supposed to uplift each other when one of yall fall
3 Likes
I personally think it’s wrong you’ve been harboring these feelings for 3 years towards him and haven’t even said anything, and then are just going to surprise him with a divorce….
You say you “haven’t said anything because you don’t want him to feel bad.” I can promise you an out-of-the-blue divorce will hurt A LOT worse.
This just doesn’t sound right to me. He’s clearly struggling with something. How can you just leave him when he probably needs you the most right now? It sounds like you just want an excuse to get out.
He sounds like he has depression. I would highly suggest actually sitting down and talking to him about this. Try suggesting therapy and possibly couples counseling for both of you. Good luck, but sounds like you’ve already made up your mind to leave him.
13 Likes
Wow . You sound very self centered if he’s lost all motivation there’s a reason you need to look into that instead of just letting him have another major heartbreak of losing you too
2 Likes
You havnt said anything to him because you don’t want him to feel bad???
But of course…tell him you want a divorce with no warning at all… im sure that will preserve his feelings 
12 Likes
Marriage is a partnership. If our partner is out of balance we should help them figure it out. Maybe he should have a physical to rule out any health related determinants. You can also ask him direct questions like. Are you okay? How can I help you? Divorce and separation is an easy out. If you truly want him to be happy and find his "motivation " start by asking him what he wants /needs from you, from work and so on. You might be surprised by his answers. Don’t assume anything! Ask questions and take some time to assess what you bring to the relationship. Do you encourage him and try to make him feel empowered…validated…important??
7 Likes
You’re a horrible person. In your vows you promised through thick and thin. By your post you’ve never done a thing to try and help him to get out of that funk and make things better for him. You’ve done nothing to see why he’s in this funk, you’ve just dealt with it.
Talk to him and ask him why. See what ways you can help him. Perhaps he’s done too or is bored, depressed, etc. I’m sure he doesn’t wanna be in this funk more than you don’t want him to be like that.
5 Likes
Maybe he’s going through some shit too!
Encourage him to follow his dreams be supportive. Offer to take shower with him. Obviously he is struggling himself . Wtf is wrong with you your his wife.
5 Likes
People change u just gotta hope he’s changed with u or grow with u
Put the shoe on the other foot. What would you want him to do if you became depressed?
14 Likes
Try to motivate him. We all need help in life at times. You don’t just quit ppl.
4 Likes
Therapy, if you can’t talk it out together. It sounds like something is going on with him that he needs help for. A surprise divorce would be earth-shattering and completely unfair since you haven’t even broached the subject with him, at all.
10 Likes
Sounds like depressing! Talk to him! Get him help
2 Likes
I’m going through some thing similar, so I understand where you’re coming from. However, we’ve spoken about it MANY times. In our case (his case actually) it’s always an excuse about why he can’t/doesn’t want to/won’t work or hold a job. It’s not depression, his whole family (males ) are all the same way. All the men stay home getting drunk/doing drugs and don’t care about nothing else. I’m not sure what the rest of your husband’s situation is, but I can’t imagine being upset if he’s being a father at least.
2 Likes
He sounds depressed. Get him some help.
3 Likes
If you have noticed this change for 3 years and haven’t tried to give him motivation then I can see why he lost it a long time ago. Sounds like family and life pressure drained him and he’s going thru depression. Man sit your a** down with your husband and communicate with him on everything jeez.
14 Likes
Me and my husband went through this last year. I had no motivation. He talked to me about it. It’s not that I didn’t realize it but I was depressed. All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mom and I have that. But I also lost myself. I’m still lost and just trying to figure out who I am outside of being a wife and mom. I still don’t know and honestly don’t know how to figure it out but I am trying. I’m also looking into things I could pursue a career in…I’m currently a sahm.
Talk to him. Don’t belittle him though. Be compassionate. I hope y’all can figure it out and do what’s best for you both!
5 Likes
Have you tried asking him what’s going on or how to help? Or even trying to talk to him at any point in the 3 years it took for him to get this way? Because that’s where I’d have started…
2 Likes
Just say you want different pinga
3 Likes
Your husband is suffer from depression and probably low T . He needs help and support not a wife that wants to abandon ship
10 Likes
Sounds like deppression. I would have him contact a doctor for a check up. Or also could be low testrone levels. My son who was only 35 started having similar symptoms and when they tested him, it was way low. He’s on medication now, and feels 100 percent better.
3 Likes
He sounds depressed. A man’s work is important to them. If he’s at the point of not caring he needs to find something that makes him happy or interested. Talk to him and love and support him. Ask him if he could do anything he wanted for employment what would it be? Help him get there. If you have savings for him to take a week of have him take time off. He is burned out. Be his life vest. Don’t just allow him to drown. You may also want to suggest counseling. Try giving him a back and neck massage every night and talk to him while your rubbing his stress away. Tell him you recognize how hard he works for you and the kids. Tell him how appreciated he is, how much you love him, how you know he’s burned out, how you appreciate his effort, etc. Build him up. Be the wife he needs you to be so he can get back to being the husband you want.
4 Likes
So you can’t communicate with him ? Maybe you are the problem !
6 Likes
Marriage counseling and individual counseling/therapy for you both
2 Likes
Sounds a lot like depression, seek help!
3 Likes
Wow. Communicate with him.
3 Likes
He needs a thorough medical exam first. If nothing is found there, have the doctor to reccomend a psychologist.
2 Likes
My husband is the same…I can be supportive, talk till I am blue in the face, encourage counseling, nothing works!!! So either live with it or get out, i’ve lived with it over 15 years and wished i’d gotten out!
6 Likes
Sounds like depression.
Why wouldn’t u stay and try to help him? Hold him up ? Has he not held you ?
If the female was suffering from depression and the male just said fu€k it I’m out she’s not the same woman I married: we would all be thinking he’s an a$$hole.
9 Likes
Maybe he is clinically depressed
2 Likes
Have you tried spending more time with him? Talking to him? Asking about concerns about his job? Maybe you can help him want to be motivated. You gotta put in the work too lady. It’s a 2 way street. Don’t just complain about it do something about it. If you ever had any love for this man. Get to the bottom of it
6 Likes
Encourage him and support him finding a new job. Help him out of this funk. Dont sit and do nothing but become resentful.
3 Likes
He is obviously going through something
2 Likes
I wouldn’t say you’re a horrible person…. But, it seems your man is in a depression episode and may need more support than you can give him. I have been in an episode for the last year and a half and all my husband did was tell me it’s ok, pick up slack, and don’t complain when he doesn’t have food cooked or a clean house. I’ve started to feel a little more normal again with a tiny bit of motivation, and I’m so thankful my husband has been supportive of me and my burn out.
9 Likes
For better or worse remember those vow’s your being selfish get him help instead of thinking about your self shame on you.
6 Likes
Go and get some type of Positive Counseling!!
This was my situation. Absolutely wonderful man and father who was not taking care of himself. It was a you can lead a horse to water situation. At one of my counselling sessions I was told “his head and his feet don’t match and you are expecting him to change”. We had done 22 counselling sessions together and I wasn’t seeing a change. Then I found out that due to his business not doing well he had been using our savings (and LOC) without me knowing. He was a huge financial liability. After 25 years I decided to not renew his contract and filed for divorce.
2 Likes
When the going gets tough, u don’t walk away. So many divorces in this country because people aren’t willing to put in the work together. Sounds like he needs some support and love.
5 Likes
Take him to the doctor…for depression?
2 Likes
You haven’t said anything to him. Talk to your husband and if necessary get counseling. If you want your marriage fight for it.
1 Like
He sounds depressed. Talk to him without passing judgment.
4 Likes
If you don’t say anything then how would he now? You’re going “suffer in silence” and then up and leave one day without even a conversation about what caused it? It’s through thick and thin. If you can’t talk to him then it’s your issues not his.
3 Likes
He sounds depressed. He might need therapy.
6 Likes
Sounds a lot like depression
3 Likes
- You’ve failed him by nit communicating with him. 2. He sounds like he is depressed. You need to get him to his doctor and seek some guidance. 3. Seek couples counseling. 4. Stop putting it solely on him you play an intricate roll in his motivation and the way he feels about himself. Sounds like you also need to step up to the plate and start taking responsibility for what’s going on around you. A marriage is not a one way street and one of you is down you help pick them up an work through it. Ya don’t trash talk them an say you’re going to just abandon them when things get difficult. It’s in sickness and in health through the good and the bad. Not whenever it is good for you. Get help!! Yes you’re horrible for it bc you’re more worried about yourself and how you feel then you are about your relationship and how to maintain it and help your spouse.
Have him go to counseling and get testosterone checked
2 Likes
SOUNDS LIKE DEPRESSION! ask him about it and tell him it’s okay to feel that way and Help him get through and and be back the the man you married… ( he’s still the same man ) He just might need help getting back to it . Good luck.
11 Likes
Most men won’t go to counseling for depression. Don’t make him feel worse. Be honest with him. Nobody chooses to be depressed 
be honest and leave
4 Likes
It’s not awful. Please look for help wherever u live. Prayers fir u n your family:purple_heart:
1 Like
It’s amazing that you’ve let this go for 3 years without asking him what’s wrong. Everyone gets depressed sometimes, but if you do nothing to get help, it can’t get any better.
Try talking to him without judgement & just ask if he needs a little help.
Men have been so conditioned to not talk about their feelings. They need a safe space at least at home. 
If that isn’t it, try counseling for the two of you. I wish you the best of luck.
10 Likes
Through sickness and health
5 Likes
My husband has hated his job since I met him 8 years ago, so I understand. He’s finally going to find a new job soon because two of his co-workers are retiring. You just need to encouraging him that his happiness is important to you. Tell him that his dissatisfaction with his job is spilling over into your marriage and he needs to take charge of his situation. As wives we need to be their biggest cheerleader, keep loving him in his moment and support him.
3 Likes
You have the right to your feelings , but you should have a hard conversation with him. Tell him what you just typed out.
Sounds like he’s depressed/worn out. Talk to him a quiet mouse never gets fed. Remember your vows, this doesn’t seem like a reason to leave the most powerful marriages are ones where you can work through what’s going on.
11 Likes
You haven’t said anything because you don’t want him to feel bad…you’d rather just get a divorce?
Are you looking for an easy out?
Buck up and communicate with your husband. Ask questions! Go to counseling together. Work through it. Marriage is hard but working through trials is rewarding for all. Don’t give up and walk away. Put in effort.
27 Likes
Sounds like you both are suffering from depression. Is marriage/couples counseling an option? Try bringing up counseling for both of you in a non judgemental way. Tell him ‘let’s work on this together’ do you guys have common interests/hobbies you can do together? Don’t give up or loose hope.
I think everyone is depressed and stressed these days, many of us are struggling.
1 Like
It sounds like he’s depressed. It would be good to encourage him to get counseling. Also to help him work up a resume for a new job. Maybe if he could feel supported and maybe think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, he could get back on the horse. Do it before you’ve lost all feelings. Once you do that, it’s hard to rekindle things. For right now, try to remember what drew you to him in the first place. Try to remember that he’s still that person, he’s just down right now and needs some support and encouragement. Give him a chance.
7 Likes
How about talk to him about all this. And see if he wants to fix things. Tell him ur concerns instead of bashing. Men have depression to and need help with there problems. Try fixing the problem instead of throwing him away like trash… bc I am sure if rolls.where reverse u wouldn’t want him to do that to u.
Depression. He needs to see a doctor.
2 Likes
I think this could absolutely be a sign of depression. He may not know where to start or may even think it’s normal to feel this way.
I would try to talk to him about possibly getting help first. Communication is the key.
1 Like
You can’t just give up like that on someone you vowed to love, honor and cherish in front of God, family and friends. I’d seek out marriage counseling first and give your marriage all you got before giving up. I’m sure your husband don’t feel good about himself and maybe he needs some medication, it could be medical issue as well.
3 Likes
Sounds like he’s not happy in his job any more… He might need a new endeavour… But he needs see this post so he knows his missus is a waste of space and time and only wants him when his successful and not during the hard times…
Don’t you think you should try at least once before you leave?
1 Like
Divorce but you haven’t even spoken to him about it yet? Why are people normalizing divorce? Apparently vows don’t mean anything anymore…you need to talk to him about it. It sounds like depression and he needs help before he’s in a rut he can’t get out of.
8 Likes
You asked…
Yes, it sounds horrible of you.
Not for your feelings but because rather than get some help for him and you both as a couple and individually, you are ready to divorce him.
This is your husband… who you supposedly love. WOW…
And instead of talking with him… not TO him, with him, you want to bail. Sheeeeeesh…
How about you stop thinking about just yourself and think about your spouse for a minute. Your husband who seems to be drowning here… who seems to need some help.
Hopefully he will get some counseling and feels better soon.
I wish you both well, but especially him.
3 Likes
Does “For better or for worse” not mean anything anymore? Sounds like this man is depressed. Talk to him and respect his feelings. Help him find help!
I’m sure if you were going through struggles, you wouldn’t want your partner to ignore it and give up on you.
4 Likes
Maybe there is an underlining issue depression perhaps?
I’am making over $140 an hour working online with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over $ 18355 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless
Chk This—>> https://dollarearningjob2818.pages.dev/