He may need help. And may feel Same way. Men need nourting too also people change and you need to be willing with change period. Bc I’m sure you have changed as well. Not just him. You need to talk and maybe try counseling.
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He can’t change or even know something is wrong if you don’t talk to him.
Sit down and have a conversation. Is there a way you can help him? We don’t just leave our partners because they’re depressed.
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I was in a somewhat similar situation and with gentle communication and offering support and trying to help him build up his confidence again really made a world of difference. He took a new job with a new company and he’s so much happier again. I hope things work out the way you want them too 
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Try helping him… encourage him I mean don’t let him get worse. Then if he doesn’t then decide.
Communication is key!
My retired husband, now 71 wants to do nothing. When asked, he says, I’m retired I don’t have to do nothing. Nothing but smoke, sleep and play with his phone. He’s on heart meds, which the doctor thinks is the problem.
I have tried talking to doctors.
It gets lonely, I miss my best friends attention and companionship. Been married 52 years.
Sooooo…yea your the worst.
But your right. Y’all do need a divorce. If he’s been struggling for yrs and you haven’t cared enough to say anything and your first step is to leave…then yes, y’all need a divorce.
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I’m assuming you wanted honest opinions by asking on social media, so yes you’re in the wrong. Your husband is clearly suffering from depression and not saying anything because of his feelings isn’t doing him any favors. You’re his WIFE, act like it, that “…in sickness and in health…” part includes mental health. Get your husband the help he needs and fight for him and your marriage. It crazy to me how disposable marriage is to people these days.
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Leave him, he deserves better.
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Have you ever heard of mental illness?
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Sounds like he’s going through some shit and you don’t want to help him through it…
Communication. You have to have open communication to make any relationship work . Then maybe counseling her could do his own and you both do couoles . Just be supportive tell him.its ok to find another job . Your suppose to be his rock when it gets hard. Don’t bail so easily
Wow, just wow! “He’s a great father, but seems to have lost his motivation in his job so now i find him disgusting and want a divorce_Even tho I’ve not spoken to him about how I feel” Jeez girl, you sound like a self centered greedy a-hole… obviously your marriage or your partner mean very little to you, let alone the VOWS YOU TOOK for better/worse and def for richer/poorer… sounds like he needs to divorce You. Just wow.
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It sounds like he is depressed and maybe needs help motivating himself. The question I would ask myself is… Would he give up on me in a tough time in my life? We as women struggle with anxiety and depression too. I pray you can communicate to him in a way that is soft and helpful for him and yalls marriage. Best wishes
Happy comes from within not from your husband. Maybe he feels the same. You’ll never know until you talk.
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I swear humans hold no value to their vows. “HE IS A GOOD FATHER AND HUSBAND BUT…” I guess some random scumbag that treats her like crab but highly motivated is better. I wish that was the issue in my marriage instead of the bs I have. People are always complaining. Let her get divorced. After he gets out of that emotional/mental and professional hole he will come put stronger and better than ever and that’s when she is gonna wanna come back and hopefully he won’t have time for her. Obviously she doesn’t deserve marriage. If he was an abusive person I’d be like, mmmyea go for it
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Evy Pompouras said that the most dangerous people are the ones that excuse their behavior. Molesters, rapists , thieves, killers and deceivers always excuse their actions and be like " I did this because so and so provoked me to do it". I am curious as to what is she bringing to the table. I wanna know how motivated and ambitious she is. I wanna know how many hours a week she trains in the gym. How many languages she speak, what her salary vs him and how many degrees she has to feel this way about a man she is supposed to be supporting through this low patch in his life.
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You’ve said nothing in 3 years and just wanna jump straight to divorce? So much for sickness and health.
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Post a picture of you and I’ll be the judge of who has let themselves go
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Communication, communication, communication! WE don’t need to know YOUR problems, HE does.
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for better or for worse for you meant convenience.
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Is he going through deep depression?
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Is he suffering from depression?
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You need to sit down and talk to him, find out whats going on and get him to open up and work together as a couple
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He sounds legitimately depressed. I couldn’t imagine wanting to leave someone over mental health issues. As a matter of fact I’m depressed. Mine has figured out ways to work with me.
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Help your husband find his why. Encourage him to find another job, one that will make him feel like himself. Men struggle with mental health and he needs your help more than anything. I can understand if he cheated or something but he needs his wife not a divorce.
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So easy to give up one the ones you love 
Sounds like he needs help, love and support from his wife who married him. For better or worse right? Sounds like depression to me, i can relate because that’s me right now. I’m struggling with a lot, and I’ve gained 50 lbs since having my 3rd child… luckily my husband is a great man. Has been there for me and has been amazing at supporting me with what i need. Physically and mentally. Through the good and bad.
If you truly do love your husband you wouldn’t give up on him so easy
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Maybe try helping to fix things first instead of just throwing out the whole thing.
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That sounds a lot like depression… sit down and talk to him and see what’s bothering him and get him the help he needs.
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You’re supposed to do everything you can to help him thru this. If it was you would you want him to leave you or want to leave you?!? FOR BETTER OR WORSE ISNT JUST WIRDS SAID FOR FUN
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Sounds like depression to me, be a wife and be there for him. I feel sorry for him after reading this.
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For better or worse. This is the worse part. Therapy for both of you… praying for you mama…
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Sounds like depression. You should first try to help him, you know in sickness and in health!! Give him a chance to get help, but don’t just run cause he’s possibly going through a rough patch.
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Sounds like you already have your eye on someone.
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As someone who’s lost my motivation before and bounced back better than ever, I can tell you that if you can’t handle him at his worst, you don’t deserve him at his best. Cross your fingers that you don’t ever get into a funk because Karma is real. You get what you give.
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So sorry to hear of your husband’s depression. Having dealt with a similar situation myself, I feel empathy for what you and your husband are going through. You have to ask yourself…does your husband like his job? His career? Was there something else he wanted to do instead of what he is doing now? If so, perhaps some encouragement to look for the kind of job he needs instead of just looking at anything that will provide a paycheck. We all need to feel valued, and that includes you. Are you, also, doing what you need to maintain your ‘self’? Communication is the key here. Don’t give up, please.
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Look inward my dear!
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I feel this girl. Mine had terrible depression for about 5 or 6 years and it was the most miserable I’d been in my entire life. He didn’t want to talk about anything, he didn’t want my help, he didn’t want me comfort…we could only get intimate if we got drunk or something because to this day, I still cringe when we touch because I’m so turned off by him as a person. Not because of the depression, but because of what all he let’s it effect…I understand what your going through and I don’t think your in the wrong. Some people just aren’t built to be somebody else’s crutch forever. The people on here saying you are in the wrong, all have mental health issues themselves (I do too) but they must not know how hard and draining it is to keep trying to love somebody ELSE who does and doesn’t want help… its not fair to expect people to stick around throug other peoples problems when they don’t even want to help themselves… I think you should try to communicate your feelings first and talk about it first. I tried with mine for YEAARRSS but nothing changed.
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Leave put your happiness first. Don’t nobody wanna be with someone with no ambition
You can’t just bail on him because he’s going through a depression. Offer him options to help, see a therapist. Encourage him to find better job opportunities. When you got married you vowed to be beside him in sickness and in health. He’s sick. You say he hates his job but he obviously still goes to work. This is the man that you love… just try to help him find his light again. PS I can’t believe you just said that he disgusts you.
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Love doesn’t run when things get tough. Try to help him. Therapy. Get him to a doctor.
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Sounds like depression
For better or for worse that was the promise you made. Well this is worse! He sounds depressed tbh. Have you tried talking to him and being supportive?
It sounds like he’s depressed. Don’t lose hope. Will he try therapy?
Sometimes men need to hear the cold hard truth. Tell him how you feel. Unless you say something how’s he supposed to know? And men are oblivious to their woman sometimes.
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Sit and have a talk there is definitely something going on inside of him. Maybe he not happy himself with the way his life is going and you putting him down isn’t helping. Maybe if you work and could handle let him take a break … mentally he may be wore out .ask him what would he like to do to change his mood and depression. Probably you …
No you are not wrong for feeling that way but you need to be honest with him
If my dude wanted to leave any of the periods of time when I was in a funk he would’ve been long gone like 10 times by now. We’ve got 17 yrs together. Your partner is a human not a robot. All humans are different and things affect them different. Sometimes people get ‘depressed’ and loose motivation for things if not everything. I feel like the older we get the longer they last. Support him, help him, tell him you are there for him and when he starts having good days again give him praise like he’s a toddler that just learned something new. And he’s still going to work though he hates it? Have you ever had a job you hate? It sucks! Puts you in a bad mood all night and every morning and even weekends! Maybe it’s time for him to look for a different job? No job is worth happiness. For rich or poor sickness and in health right?
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Motivate him by example. Don’t pick up after him, and improve yourself and go quietly with love.
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Idk how would you feel if you were the one going through something and your husband wanted to leave you because of it? I’d start talking to him about it.
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Sound like he needs to find something that makes him excited again. Probably burnt out on his job and the same old thing. Is there anything else he’s interested in doing? Maybe talk to him, find out and encourage and support him with that!! Sometimes people get tired and become robotic in their every day life. It’s totally understandable to become un-ethusiastic when every day is the same with no reward and no reason to have that motivation. Sounds like a simple change can be the answer. Good luck
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Definitely tell him how you feel. Maybe he’s depressed
So just my take, this isn’t too take away from the struggles women face everyday or to say men in any way have it worse. It’s not a competition, men can have common problems beyond our immediate control just the same as women.
Now that I got the disclaimer it the way. Men are often taught that we must always provide, we’re not allowed to have feelings, we’re often portrayed in the media as being useless, privileged, and any number of issues are blamed on men as a whole. Most men are good, most men have the same issues most women face. There’s a ton of stigma around men’s mental health and many of us are afraid to address issues for fear of being labeled weak, or lesser.
Sounds like the husband has some unaddressed mental health issues and it’s spilling over into his professional and personal life. If you have not communicated with him your feelings then you should. You should make him feel that it’s okay to make a career change, you should encourage him to go to therapy and work on himself. You should absolutely let him know you’re not happy in this current situation. But also reassure him you want it to improve.
It sounds like you’ve got good intentions, and you’re genuinely concerned. Maybe he’s never considered seeing a therapist, maybe he’s grown so numb in his depression he doesn’t even realize it’s an issue. You could effectively make a change in his life and overall save your marriage if you point him in the right direction. Whether or not he’s willing is up to him.
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I totally get that. It’s hard being with someone that doesn’t care. I’ve been with someone over 4 years and he doesn’t care if he lives or dies. I get depression but how do u think that makes me feel that u don’t care if your in my life or not.
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Go to counseling together. He’s hurting or depressed.
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I’m dealing with the same problem.
Closed mouse do not get fed if you are not saying anything and you are not sharing your feelings then communication is at a shutdown so you bear some responsibility in that relationship on that regard talk to him don’t give up on him your vows say for better or worse that sounds like he may be going through depression so talk to him and remember why you married him in the first place sounds like he needs you now and maybe counseling is something you both should look into
Instead of thinking about divorcing him, have you thought about maybe encouraging him to speak to someone? Depression is hard. It tears down to your soul and shatters you on the inside. Wouldn’t you want him to support you if you were going through that? Marriages are thick and thin depression and happy times. You don’t get to bail because it’s hard and you can’t just handle it because someone’s battling an inner demon. That’s not fair. You would not want him to do that to you
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You remember those lines you repeated in front of God, friends and family? For better or worse? In sickness and health? You’re up to bat. Take a date night, pray over it and talk openly to him about what changes he is feeling and how he would like to handle it if there were no consequences. Then say ok now reality…do you hate your job? Are you wanting to try another line of work? We are adults…do you feel happy or miserable with me? Is something overwhelming you? Then…find something entirely new to connect with. A new hobby together, trips something. And laugh . Laugh a lot. This is where the rubber meats the road in your marriage and you have to let him know you hear him and you have his back!
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Sounds like depression and he needs help
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Hes probably depressed. Or he could be experiencing low testosterone levels. Please communicate with your husband and see how he actually feels instead of acting on your feelings of what you think he should or shouldn’t be like.
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“My husbands depressed( who I said for better or for worse too) and I don’t wanna deal with it. Thas how you sound COMMUNICATE lol I hate tf out my job and mine knows it his job probably sucks ass and it’s almost impossible to move up in certain companies but it’s hard to find competitive pay at a different place
You need to sit down and tell him exactly this. Hurting him by explaining your feelings is not a bad thing to do. He NEEDS to know where you are at in this relationship. You are 90% out the door. He has 2 choices. He can do a complete 180 and FAST, or he can accept you leaving.
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Communication is very important in a relationship. Just sit down and be honest.
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He probably has depression and needs help!
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Could be depression? Maybe encourage a change in career choice or psychological help (talk therapy, medication etc, even marriage counseling). If he isn’t responsive or willing to make things better for himself, and thus your relationship, express how it makes you feel, allow him to express himself, and decide from there if it’ll be better to move forward together or possibly split. I’m sorry, love, I hope things improve
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Your not wrong, you have feelings too!
I’ve been there, married 24yrs, 4kids (17f, 9f, 8f & 5m). From experience, talk to him. Suggest you two getting in the internet look for other jobs (even if it involves you guys moving) Volunteer to do or redo his resume (along with yours). Or if you guys can swing it, him be a SAHD (my experience only lasted 1yr) & you be the bread winner. These little things tells him your there for him, you believe in him.
I know most people live pay check to pay check. However see if just to two of you can run away for 24-48hrs. No kids, no friends, no family, minimal phones, minimal/ no drinking, NO RESPONSIBILITY! It will give you two time to talk, to reconnect, to figure how to move forward. If you two can’t/ won’t work it out, do what’s best for you & kids.
Remember the creed: for better, for worse.
No one said it would be more better than worse and he is struggling and now is when you stand firm as a team and get him thru whatever is happening.
You don’t leave when the chips are down
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Sounds like time to visit the doctor
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He could be fed up with life and be having a mid life crisis it happens to everyone at some stage in life.
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You haven’t talked to him about it because you don’t want him to feel bad and think a divorce is better 
I’ll assume that would hurt worse. You should absolutely talk about it, possibly go to therapy as well
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Tell him and talk about it.
Wow. When he clearly needs you the most you want to walk away. He should find someone better.
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Has he been checked for depression?
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Did you not listen to your vows during your wedding though sickness and health through richer or poor…. Honey this is the time he needs you he needs you to pick him up to help him get back on track he would do it for you I hope if not you two have no idea what a marriage is at all.
He sounds depressed get him help
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If it were a man saying this about his wife it would be so unacceptable that ppl would bash the life out of him. A women shouldn’t be saying this either. How ridiculous. I guess vows mean nothing anymore.
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Remember for better or for worse, thru SICKNESS and in Health help him your his wife the one he comes to mentally without saying a word. Help him he might not know how to ask for help most men don’t. We women are wired differently and notice ever small and minor detail. Don’t walk out when he needs you.
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He may need to see a therapist. If you feel the way you do about things it may be even worse for him. Try marriage counseling and see what can be done before you throw in the towel.
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How about talk to him and help him through the depression he is in. If not then he does not deserve you any ways. He deserves better
Wow!! I’m right there with tou!you!! Mine has been like this for 20 years
He sounds like he’s depressed he may need to be on medication seek medical advice first
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You have to talk to him. Why leave or divorce if you haven’t expressed yourself and given him a chance to respond. Men AND women, we are not mind readers!
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You need to talk to him, maybe therapy for him if he’s struggling (and marriage counseling so you can have both vouces heard)
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I have found that it is best if you can take some time, when you both are not stressed, and have a kind but very open conversation. He cannot read your mind and you cannot read his. If you are honest with one another but also not enter the conversation with ultimatums or threats you may actually become to understand what is going on. It is the least you can do for the sake of your children and your marriage. It may help to seek out a counselor or pastor if you need help. Good luck!
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You haven’t talked to him about it because you don’t want to make him feel bad…but without at least trying, you leaving is going to seem like it’s out of the blue. Communication is SO important!
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He probably hates his job with a passion, but feels stuck bc he is a provider. If it bothers YOU he isn’t going futher with it, don’t think he doesn’t know that. He is your spouse, so know he is carrying his struggles with it and YOURS, even IF you haven’t said a word. Just as you know he has struggles, he knows. Maybe try saying a word, start with ask him how HE feels, if another job will help, maybe help him find a new one? HELP him, be his teammate. Help pull him out of the depression, then he may return to the man you know? Which, it bothers me you saying he isn’t the man you married… people do CHANGE with life, life can be hard… as years pass people loose loved ones, jobs change, ect… so yes, moods change. Sounds like he has been depressed for a while now, and YOU chose not to say a word. Like I said, try helping him. I could understand IF you have done everything in your power and HE refused to help work on his own health, but that is certainly not the picture you painted.
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Whatever happened to "in sickness and health?
Those are the words you vowed too…
Sure leave if your unhappy.
But please don’t ever get married again.
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How about suggesting a therapist!!?
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Communication is key 
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Why would you walk out on him without even ever saying anything?? Give him a chance… how does he know that you’re not happy, how does he know things have to change if he’s never told?! You’ve never said anything so he probably thinks everything is okay… that’s not fair.
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It sounds like he needs an antidepressant and maybe a new job. I wouldn’t be quick to divorce though
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Through sickness and in health and he clearly is having Mental health issues. It’s ok to not be ok he needs support not his wife leaving him. Make him a doctor appt not a lawyer appt.
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Uhh if you don’t say anything then how do yall communicate your needs as a couple? He doesn’t care if he gets fired but he is a good dad? Doesn’t go anywhere… even with the kids? Like uhh this feels like a train wreck or a satire post… I’m lost in your thought process on how this adds up to you…
Pretty gross tbh. You never loved him if his job is what you care about. Imagine how you’d feel if the tables were turned!
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Sounds like depression have him see a therapist
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He’s not motivated because there’s no encouragement… Instead of pushing him away build him up to be better an seek a new job!! I kno times r hard but we also need to be the back bone for our men!! They have feeling an emotions like us… Praying for u an ur relationship to prosper!! U got this mama!! The grass is only green where u water it!!!
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