I am nervous to date a man who has kids: Advice?

I wanted nothing to do with kids until I met my stepson. It took a while to adjust because it’s like all the sudden I’m a mom and I never planned for that but I love him so much and it has been an absolute privilege to be a part of his life. Those are super fun ages too. Think hard about this one. Either you’re all in or move on.

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As someone who has kids, you have to be very sure before they get attached to you. Because they deserve someone who wants to be in their life and who will love their dad and them.

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The kids have a mum. So you won’t be that person… you’ll be a positive role model and in their lives though, so make sure you’re sure about it as the kids deserve this decision. Someone who Will really have their backs. 🫶🏻

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The kids are the easy part! It’s the other parent that SUCKS! but you sound like it’s all good there! Don’t be scared! Kids can be fun!

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I was 20 when I met my ex-husband. He had a little girl. I adore kids and always knew I wanted kids though. We have 3 of our own. We’re divorced as of recently. However I still get a giant hug from his 6year old anytime I see her. I love her to pieces.

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I mean we can tell you what to do like your mom but it really comes down to what you want but do not play games with him it will break his heart and it always affects the kids too you do not ever want that to happen to you so please take my advice do not be one these girls I watched my kids get their hearts ripped out and it’s a horrible thing to go through it is a big adjustment to having kids around if your one that is the type always wanting your boyfriend to yourself all the time it will not work because kids need allot of love and attention and you are still young and want to go and do things with kids you cannot always do what you want you have to do things with the kids too .

Girl a guy who doesn’t have any baby mama drama and he treats you well??! What’s the issue here? But for real proceed with caution know they kids come first and respect their mama as THEIR mama! You may find you enjoy being in their life as much as their fathers

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Don’t walk away and kids are BLESSINGS and you might fall in love with his kids tooo! Give it time a good man is hard to find and a good father is even harder to find! Dnt break up with a good man

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I am 53, married a younger man with a now 8 yr old. He was 2 when we first met. I’ve been in this situation for 6 years. The first thing I am going to advise is this. BEFORE you guys get really serious, make sure Bio mom approves of you. Everything may be going great now, but as soon as she finds out there is another (mom figure) around her child, that may change. My hubby’s ex is so jealous on the bond I have with my bonus son, even telling him I am not his stepmother! She refuses to acknowledge me and will not even talk to me, which is sad. It creates so much unnecessary drama. My next piece of advice is this. Don’t let your heart overrule the feelings you have about having kids, or raising somebody else’s. They do come as a package deal and if you’re in, you gotta be in all the way and for the long haul. There are going to be times when you may feel like you are on the back burner, because the child will come first, as it should. I decided I wanted to be all in, but not before I met the child and formed a bond with him. As I said I am 53. I don’t think I could have handled it at your age. Lastly, being a bonus mom is a great thing, especially if you don’t want to birth one. Please, think long and hard before you jump in though. Talk to your BF and let him know your concerns. Hold nothing back. See how he reacts. That in itself may help you make up your mind. Also, maybe ask for a very casual meeting for the first time and ask for Mom to be included. Best of luck to you!

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I do have a thing that stands out to me in all this. What do you man by “not afraid to show his true colors”, like do you mean he’s okay to be vulnerable/show his sad side, or do you mean in a bursts of anger/big feels that way? Because if you mean the 2nd, that’s not a plus, it’s a red flag warning sign.
I’d also say, at 22 it’s okay to be worried, but same time I had my eldest 2 days in to 22, and it’s def hard work and mentally draining. Do you have any family members with kids? Someone you can hang out around without the romance expectations for the kids to get attached to, to see how you do with kids and such? It might be a help.

If you don’t want to be a part of the kids lives walk away now.

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I wouldn’t do it. Not that young, not that on the fence, and not that age.
I did that before and it was a NO for me. But not even bc of the kids.

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I dont think you realize how complicated it can be to be a girlfriend with a man who has children. If you don’t want kids or are uncomfortable around them…its probably not a good idea.

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It takes a special person to accept kids. If you have doubts then don’t try.

Reach out to the kids mama first. Sounds weird but if you establish trust and respect/friendship with her then it will help in the long run but if it starts off toxic it always will be! Ask her to lunch & pay. Discuss your feelings see if you can find common ground. You should always be cautious entering into the scene with someone’s kids. You need to know how long they have been separated- if the breakup was agreeable & if she can be reasoned with before getting any more involved. And most importantly how are the children coping.
If that’s too intimidating then leave now.
She will be a very big part of your life going forward.

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I do when I say something they both gang up on me like I’m wrong. I would say run the other way.

If you don’t want kid leave it’s that simple a parent will never choose someone over their child(ren) and you know what you want

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You will always have to be part of the kids and his ex wife move on to much drama

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People with kids are always a package deal. There is no drama on the baby mama front right now because he and his ex have a clear understanding of how they co-parent. However, issues can arise when a new partner is introduced to the mix. What role do you play? Would you find yourself in charge of getting kids up and ready for school on the days that your BF has them? What if the kids are destructive (normal kid stuff, not anything outrageous)? Would you be allowed to correct the behavior or would you have to wait for their dad to step in? Being a step-parent is a huge responsibility. Taking care of someone else’s kids is not for the faint of heart. At this point in your relationship you should take things slow and see where it goes. I wouldn’t drop the relationship entirely, but don’t rush into something if you haven’t considered all the ramifications of making the relationship more serious.

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Why would you walk away? You didn’t want kids because you never wanted to go through pregnancy, not because you disliked kids. I would continue building the relationship with him and make a decision closer to that time since you said there’s a lot more time before you’re all good.

Before I met my husband and had my two kids I dated a guy with a young daughter. I was nervous too. But once I met her, she and I became pretty close. We really had a bond and I loved her a lot.
The important thing for you is to understand that you should leave parenting to the parents, meet mom too so she is comfortable with you around her kids, stay out of any drama that may unfold between mom and dad…, and above all else realize that you will always be #2, his child will always come first and it’s supposed to be that way.

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Go for it. If it doesn’t work at least you’ll know you tried and there will never be any what if’s

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If you aren’t already looking at him and his kids as a package deal, then yes I’d walk away.
It won’t be fair to you or them if you have reservations about kids in general.
But kudos to him for advising you there are rules to meeting his kids, that is awesome!!!

I’ve never dated a single dad but I was a single mom and for me if we got to that serious moment and you met my kids and we build a life together I firmly believed in a step parent, which is a parent whom stepped up. Part take in everything that revolves around my kids (thankfully my husband does all this) so if kids make you feel uncomfortable then you have 2 choices you can run from the situation or if you feel like you two can go somewhere in a relationship you can go to parenting classes and whatever else classes are available to you if you think that would help.

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Grow up first! If you have to ask first—no

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I think that you have to ask yourself if your okay with becoming a bonus mom. If the parents have a healthy coparenting relationship that’s all you can really ask for. That alone makes it easier for you guys to have a relationship.

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I felt similar and now am closer then ever with my bonus daughter and went on to have 4 kids. My views changed over the years. So deeply think on it. I never wanted kids now I have 5 total and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

You are young, live your life and enjoy it as much as you can before you take on being a stepmom. Because those kids will always come before you his time will be devoted to him. I fear you might become resentful of time spent on those kids and you needing more. You have a lot of growing to do so young. Travel and live it up while you can. Trying to balance being young and wanting to explore things and being a step mom is going to be hard. Take some time to really think about what you want out of life.

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I married a man that had 3 kids and I swore I would never ever date another man that had children.

If you don’t want to be a parental role yet don’t be with a person who has kids because it will require you to take on parental responsibilities…

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I’ve dated and I’ve been married to men with children from previous relationships. I can tell you from personal experience that it has been a nightmare every time. I’m not saying it can’t work but you need a man that can navigate this type of relationship otherwise you will suffer. If mom decides to be difficult can he handle it? If the children get difficult can he handle it. Think about it. It’s not easy.

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l get paid over $110 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $19421 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Step children are rewarding when u don’t have ur own best advice is get to know them what their likes and dislikes are don’t push boundaries make a day to spend one day with each one of them so they get to know u better ( go to the park make a little fun outta of it pack a picnic basket together, or make it a beach day and do the same pack up a basket )

Just be careful honey. I was with a guy and he had a 4 and 1 year old. I loved those babies for 2.5 years before he broke mine and my 7 year Olds heart.

Seems like the perfect fit. Your reason for not wanting kids is not wanting pregnancy. That part is done. Bonus being they aren’t yours so all the hard stuff doesn’t fall in your lap. You get the fun of kids without the harder stuff, but definitely wait a while to meet them. Good luck.

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I don’t want you to walk away from something that could be good for you but from my personal experience, it’s not worth it. The kids are fine, we all get along great but it’s his EX WIFE that is the major problem.

After 6 years, she still causes so much drama and abuse, it’s ridiculous.

I love my husband and if I didn’t love him, I would have left a long time ago cuz the entire sh** show isn’t worth my peace and mental wellness.

That being said, I hope that if you do give it a shot, that everything is peaceful and you have a wonder experience

First off of you like him why does it matter! He comes with a package if he takes care of his kids then that shows you his good character and his reliable! He ain’t a dead beat. If you are not wanting to have a relationship with those children then it won’t work! You just never know you might fall in love with him and them! Good luck :+1: your thinking to much just let things fall in place on their own! And blended families fall in place my kids are happy they have two dads now!

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Remember, no matter where this goes, you are going to have extra hearts in your hands so becareful how you approach this. My daughter is 22 and I would be giving her the same advice.

It’s not worth the hassle. Date someone who doesn’t have kids so that y’all are both starting on the same page. Kids come with responsibility and he will always have to put them first. And yeah it may seem like there’s no baby momma drama yet but wait til she finds out about you or that you will be around her kids and all of that can change in a heartbeat.

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Walk away. If you don’t want kids - don’t involve yourself. Children can become quite attached fairly fast. It’s not just you two in this relationship when there’s children involved.

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Jasmin Broadhead run they always seem to have no baby mother drama :joy: till your in it :roll_eyes:

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I would take it one day at a time and don’t give up on something that could be one of the best things due to fear

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Tell him you just want to be friends, no relationship. It’s too much at your age.

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:purple_heart::purple_heart:Well-- one day at a time-- and open communication is key here. I dated a guy with kids for a few years-- it went well-- it’s just that we weren’t as compatible as I’d like in the long run— so I left him. I kept it friendly and casual with the kids. Take things super slow is my advice-- all will be revealed in time as you get to know eachother more​:purple_heart::purple_heart:.

Hell no!! Unless there is no contact with baby mama!!

I wouldn’t walk away from a relationship just because there are kids involved. He could be. Mr. Right and you never know you could learn to love those kids and even maybe some day have one yourself.

I became a stepmom to a 2&4 year old at 23. We had 50/50 custody pretty much right away. I always wanted kids.

I love them with my entire heart and soul, but this shit ain’t for the weak.
However, there are a lot of ways to be a step parent. I’m very hands-on, I fill the role of “mom” pretty much entirely Wednesday-Saturday. Maybe look into joining some stepmom groups (I’m in one that is incredibly helpful). Those ladies will be happy to share experiences and strategies. Many are far more hands off than I am, but it comes with its own challenges.
To me, it’s been sometimes very hard, but at all times completely worth it.

Try it. If he respects & supports your dreams… do you laugh together? Do you like spending time together?? Give it time, take it slow. That’s how a true relationship works.

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I would walk away. You are young , don’t become responsible for kids until you are ready.