My boyfriend (or fiance… I’m not really sure anymore) have been together for four years in April. We have four children together, and he asked me to marry him in 2017. We have broken up several times since that year, and he has kicked me out of our home in each of those breakups. I no longer have a ring, but he refers to me as his fiance when he speaks about me to people he doesn’t know very well. We have just gotten back together in July of 2019 again after another breakup. And I find that we are arguing a lot. I keep bringing up the same issues I’m having, but he doesn’t seem to change/want to. He will not give me any money, if he does, it’s for me to get things the house needs, and I have to give him change back. He hasn’t taken me on a night out the date, away from our kids in almost eight months. I bring that up often, and once again, I’m dismissed or thrown excuses such as money, or he’s stressed out. But, the only Bill’s we have is electricity, water, and our car payment. No rent or anything, we were given a house. He is constantly on his phone talking to his buddies (no girls), if we do go somewhere together that’s what he’s doing most of the time, instead of talking/listening to me. Saturdays are the days my father takes out kids out to breakfast, and to hang out at his house, so we don’t have our kids for a break, and last Saturday instead of doing anything with me, he told me he was going to go to some guys house and do some welding work to make some extra money. I was really upset and angry about that, so he didn’t go. It turns out that he was actually lying and was going to go to a buddies house (this particular friend doesn’t like me, always talked about me to everyone, even though I’ve never met him but one time). So, of course, we fought about that, and every time we fight, he tells me how done he is with me, tells me how he regrets having kids with me, and how he wants me out of the house. I love him, but I don’t know what to do. I know everyone is going to say to leave him, but I have no house and no money of my own. And last time we broke up, he deleted all the pictures of our kids off social media, was asking other girls with kids on dates, avoided his weekends and days without kids, going out and partying, going to bars and just living a teenage boys dream, while I was the only parent. We both are 23 years old, and he lost his house he was renting, was homeless while doing all this partying, he came to his mom’s house to spend the night on the weekends he got our kids. He never gave me child support. What do I do? He won’t change, but he also says he wants to be with me. I’m so confused. Nothing, including conversations, help. Anyone’s advice, please.
You dump his sorry ass and find a happy and mutually respectful relationship.
Red flags! Get rid of him, go to court for childsupport and custody arrangements. Move on and maybe find someone who truly wants to be with you without the childish nonsense of breaking up often.
Not a good place for your kids
Girl get a job, stack your money, and leave. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And one more thing, he doesn’t want to be with you, but he isn’t willing to let you go…he doesn’t want anyone else to have you. And if those are the only bills y’all have, and he still can’t afford to take you on a date??? What’s he really doing with that money???
I didn’t even read the whole thing to know you need to fucking leave him. Sounds like a piece of shit.
Get a job, save money and run and never look back! Apply for housing ASAP. He’s never going to change and he doesn’t respect you in the slightest. You have five kids, not four.
You find out how a person really is after a break up. He’s a shit father and boyfriend. A ring and marriage isn’t going to change that. He’s not going to change if everything stays the same. Might as well make the break now before you end up with another kid he’s not going to help take care of or a marriage you have to pay to get out of.
If you don’t leave him it’s gonna get worse. If y’all dont get counseling its going to get worse. This is a situatuon that you need to think about BOTH your kids and you as this isn’t getting better. You. Said yourself that he regrets having kids with you pretty much and wamts you gone. There is some serious red flags here.
Get a job get your own place and leave
Leave with the children and take him to court for child suppprt.
You’re answering your own question babe.
You know what to do already. It doesnt matter what you have or don’t have take your babies an leave. Ive done it others done it. Trust me you already left once. You can do it again.
Life is too short to live it miserable, and you WILL be miserable for many many years if you stay in that situation.
I have been here before. In my opinion, if a relationship is constantly on again off again, it will never work. I realize the fear is what keeps you there. If you are not married, apply for food stamps and anything you can. Leave him off the application. They will ask how do you live, be honest and say you are trying to get away and he does not contribute except what is absolutely needed… stash 5 or so dollars here and there. Hide it. This will be your greatest friend. If you have family in the area or remotely close, go to them. File for child support. It will be tough at first but you can do it. Your happiness, your sanity and your kids are #1. Men like this RARELY ever change. If you need someone to talk to or maybe to get ideas on how to get yourself ready to leave, message me.
Get a job and have ur own money. Get child support. I mean if ur wanting to stay with him than what u described will be ur life, only way to change it is if u make changes.
You have already answered your own question. I know you don’t want to hear it. But, leave! He won’t change and things are not going to get better.
Read this. Do this.
8 years ago I left my ex and let me tell you IT FUCKING HURT, he didnt hurt my insides hurt my love for him for our family etc. But I knew it was for the best.
Do you want your kids in a relationship like that when they get older?
First of all…STOP HAVING KIDS!!! NOW!!! Get some education somehow, & get the hell out!!!
You know the answer…
You already know what you should do…best wishes in your journey of life. Be strong for your littles and you! Find yourself mama!
Actions speaks louder than words. You’re relationship should’ve been OVER the FIRST time he kicked you out of the house. 
23 and 4 kids, no job, no money? You fight and break up constantly and yet you love him? I dont know what to say.
So many red flags. Pack your’s and your kids’ things and get out. File for support and find yourself a job. He isn’t going to change.
I’d go to ur local social services and apply for income based housing, this is a form of abuse. U quilfy for services, they can help u get on ur feet to leave
Only YOU can change the situation you are allowing. You’ve let him treat you like garbage so he treats you like garbage. But some of this just sounds like the trust is gone and I doubt you’ll find it, for example not letting him spend time with his friend.
No disrespect but the situation sounds like a case of “it’s cheaper to keep her”. Time to kick him to the curb. You deserve to be treated way better. What you allow is what will continue.
Take your kids and leave the abusive cunt
If his friends do not respect you, it’s because your bf tell shit about you.
Like you said, people will say leave and thats exactly what you need to do. That environment is toxic for your kids to be brought up in. Apply for single parent pension or get a job and put kids in care…
It’s called tough love .leave him you can do it .Dont give him the next chance to kick you out slap him with child support go on with your life without him.
Get some birth control. 4 kids in 4 years. Woman up and get your own place and support those kids. He doesn’t want any of y’all. Will your dad let you stay with him till social services help you get a place?
How the hell does someone with no money have 4 babies in 4 years! I don’t want to fight about this, but did you go to school or get any kind of trade ?
It’s easy to give advice when you’re not in the situation but it sounds like he lost all respect for you and it’s time to move on. I’ve been there and it doesn’t get better. I would go to a local social service as someone mentioned and see how they are able to help you financially. Goodluck to you and your babies.
Get a job and get a house
Simple ask your self do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting with him ECT. My fiance has never treated me like this and never would. I would have left ages ago
You are responsible for you and your kids life no one else. You can either be a victim or do something. The I have no money is a cop out. If you legit have had enough and don’t want to rely on a wishy washy guy who isn’t that into you then go to your social services office or apply online and get food stamps, rental assistance , child care assistance and look into Promise Jobs or some work training program and make your life better. Get a long term birth control and do you so you don’t ever have to wait on anyone to get what you deserve. As for where to live can you stay with your parents until you can get section 8? Then don’t worry about who he’s banging or talking to or what’s going on with him on social media because if he can move on with or without you then you can too. It’s going to come down to choices. It’s going to be hard but you aren’t the first person who’s had to move on from a man. Good luck
get a job. i was a single dad, raised 2 kids from the time they were 2 and 3 till now. mom was never around. having kids is not a reason to not have a job. being a parent isnt a job
Get up go to a shelter with your children they will help you get out go to court get custody of your children and support this way it is filed with the courts and he has no choice but to pay and get on with your life and don’t look back and think what if and get yourself into some kind on counseling good luck
Very sad, you need to do what you can to leave. There are places and people that can help you. Do you have any skills, school, training anything? You need to get a job, I realize that’s hard with four babies, children’s services can help with day care maybe? Food stamps. Child support? The house you live in belongs to who? Kick his butt to the curb, stay there with the kids? Keep your cost down by staying in the free house with a few utilities. If you dad takes the kids on Saturday, ask him to take you too. He’s probably your best bet when it comes to helping you. He’s already trying to and I bet he wants you out of this abusive relationship, he just doesn’t know how to tell you. (It is toxic and abusive, this relationship you’re in) talk to abuse hotline because mental abuse is a very real thing.
What if it goes from emotional/mental abuse to physical abuse? You need to take action to protect yourself and your kids.
He sounds like a douche. What is he 12 has to be talking and hanging out with his buddies constantly. It’s time to grow up
I think the answer to that is fairly obvious. He’s made it clear that he’s not going to change! He has absolutely no respect for you. If you stay with him, you will only be wasting your time, and life. It appears that he typically does what he wants to do, regardless of what you want. I personally think that you deserve better!
You need to get a job and let him figure out what to do with the kids half the time , ask your dad or family to cover your half , do your part and save save save , then give him the choice to be right or say bye bye , its both of you’re responsiblity you must do your part he must do his .
Please leave. You are in an abusive relationship. Financial control is abuse, not talking with you about problems is abuse. Kicking you and the kids out while broken up is abuse. He should be the one to leave the house not you and the kids.
Nothing will ever change if you don’t make the change. He sounds like a real immature prick of a thing. Stay with him and you’ll be writing this exact same thing in 10/20 years time.? I think you already know that you must leave this moron. Do you want your kids to think that this is what all relationships are like. They’ll find a partner with the same traits as their father. Show you kids that no woman has to put up with this shit. Honestly how can you say that you love him. You deserve so much better. They’ll only keep doing what you let him get away with & nothing will ever change
He wants his cake and eat it too. As long as you accept his behavior, he won’t change.
You already know the answer. You just don’t want to hear it. You’ll feel much better and stand up for yourself when you finally get to the point that you want to make the necessary change
Y’all have been together for 4 years? Can you see yourself going through this for 4 more?
You love him? Why? He treats you poorly , Sets a poor example of manhood to his children, doesn’t respect you, seems to care only about himself. Want to be saddled with a 17 year old boy forever, or do you think this is how men behave? He’ll never grow up and be a responsible man. Please stop having babies until you get your life together.
Sounds like you need to get a JOB!!
He treats you like shit because you allow it!! I’d get a job, find a low income housing, file for custody then support and tell him to kiss my ass!!!
You have kids who need you to be the role model
Know your worth!!! He has shown who he is, believe it because he won’t change.
Time for Mama to strap them boots on and get shit done.
I am a wee bit confused as I’m reading this. I believe the phrase goes “fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice…” Honestly tho, I think you know he’s not going to change and has no interest in changing. If you stay then that’s your choice. But, imho, you have no right to be bitching online to strangers about him. You know the type of person he is and you chose to go back. That’s your bad, not his… if the above sentence makes you angry, then I 100% think you already know you need to leave. Relationships aren’t easy and I get that. But keeping yourself and your children safe is equally as difficult and sometimes that means letting a dead horse lye.
Go get child care assistance and get a job start working stop relying on him weather you together or not you need to do that for you !! He’s walking all over toy and your allowing it because your stuck dig out of that hole and fight for yourself and your kids !
Ask yourself if this is the expectation you want your children to have in a relationship?
I don’t see what he does for you, to keep you there! By staying your children will learn by example " how men treat women & how women allow to be treated" you don’t need him… He makes it so obvious he doesn’t want to be a husband & father. He needs growing up, he’s NOT a man & you don’t need a 5th child to raise! ! Get public assistance or stay with family, friend to get it together. A job, custody of kids, a place of your own. Good luck
Get a job, get a place for you and your kids and, most importantly, STOP GOING BACK TO HIM! He’s not changing because you keep proving to him that you’ll go back to him anyway. Start living your life for you and your kids
He didnt visit your children and you took him back? Jesus what example do you want for your kids?
Girl dip the fuck out lol
Read this pretend something is asking you this, what advice would you give someone asking this?
dump him, he wants his cake, and to eat it too. You should no longer care what he wants, because it’s obviously not the same thing you want, and he could care less what YOU want. Buh, bye. Get a lawyer, get your child support situated, make him pay for half the insurance and half the medical for your kids, and cya
Honey just like you said plain as day leave him he’s not good for you are the kids he needs to grow up and be a man and a husband he doesn’t want to be married anymore thankful your not good luck
You are a queen and deserve to be treated like one. Own your life. Get a job, and get rid of him. You can’t be responsible for his relationship with your kids. It’s up to him to maintain that.
Why are you with him? Do you enjoy being treated like shit? Do you enjoy your kids seeing you treated like shit? Do you hope your kids grow up to be just like him and treat people like shit. Put your big girl panties on and leave and stop letting him treat you like dog shit… Get a job and get the hell out of there and stop depending on a man to support you and your needs. Sounds to me like he don’t want you or the kids. And rather be a freaking kid than being a grown ass man who’s gonna step up to his responsibilities to his family!! There is someone out there that would treat you and the kids better. Takes more than love to make a relationship work. Also doesn’t sound to much like he cares about you or the kids. Why would you stay with someone who tells you to your face he wouldn’t be with you if it wasn’t for the kids? Stand up on YOUR two feet and do better than that garbage!
Get counseling, choose you and your babies! You’re 23 with 4 babies, you need help , and he has made it clear hes not there to help. Get a job, just for your own self worth. There are tons of programs for single mothers needing child care.
First of all, your man is just a boy. He isnt ready for a fiance or kids. Hes a boy who takes you for granted. Do u have any family ? Hopefully in another area far away from where u live now? Mend your bridges and leave. If famiy can help you get there even bettsr. Until u can get a job apply for welfare and food stamps and dont look back
Maybe in the future he will grow up and contact you but dont expect it soon. You deserve a man . say goodbye to that life ans get a real one
Go back and read what is written, like it’s someone else asking you for advice. Get out and away from that situation asap.
You don’t love him Hon you are dependent on him. Go to your Dad’s with the kids, get a job and become independent. Make sure you help Dad at home too. He is young for 4 children and hasn’t grown up yet himself. I became pregnant at 24, husband 25 and he was gone all the time. We had been married for 4 years. Some just don’t grow up. Move on and be the awesome mom and get a job. Also child support!! That will help allot.
Find a sitter, get a job and save ALL of your money and leave. The way he is treating you is not love.
He is not a man and isn’t ready to settle down. You’re being used. You need to get some counseling and get away from him before he destroys your kids too. Do you want your kids to grow up with no respect for you? Your sons will treat girls like that and your girls will let a boy treat them like that because they see that you allow it. Please get some self respect and leave.
No honey you need to leave this boy alone. He’s not ready to grow up. I’m sorry but you are gonna have to do this on your own. Get child support and a custody agreement. Someday, hopefully, he will open his eyes but that’s not today.
“I know everyone is going to say leave him, but…” So why are you even asking?
First things first, birth control. Obviously, you’re not going anywhere. You love him🙄. It wouldn’t be fair to add another life to this abuse that you both display. 4 children is more then enough. The repair they’ll need is much deeper then the childish disagreements you two are having. You’re too young at this point to grasp the reality.
Hun, go apply for food stamps, Medicaid and ask for help with housing!! Then file for full custody of your children and go for child support!! Get you and your kids a place to live and be happy! Someday someone will come along and treat you and your babies the way you deserve to be treated!! Goodluck mommy!
So why did you have 4 kids with him ??
Wow 4 kids at 23 ?
Loooooord have mercy. Y’all are all kind of messed up. You need to separate yourself from him and let him get his shit together or not. Either way, take him to court to get child support. And got the hell do y’all have 4 kids by 23? Get on birth control and stop having kids with him.
Wow 23 and 4 kids !!!
PLEASE. Respect yourself…
Kick HIM Out…
Take him to court for child support
He’s a bum
Don’t take him back. File for child support. If you have a job you may quilify for child care assistance. He isn’t going to pay you, it will have to be garnished from his checks. Check into all local services. You got this.
Get out and please stop going back to him and forsure stop having kids with him! You are going to have to step up for you and your kids because he isn’t going to…
Go to ur dads … And press on itll never change 16 waisted years for me and im just now “getting” that … Save ur time hun and just move on … Get to work get what u need going … Press on
I think you need to get a life. You’re extremely young to have so many children and you sound like you look to your partner to give you meaning in a way and he won’t do that. Get a job. Go to school. Do anything so you have some independence. It sounds like you are co dependent and he resents that. Also, how dare he kick you out and take your engagement ring. You both need therapy but start with yourself.
Who was the house given to? If it was both he can’t kick you out. Find a sitter for the kids, get a job and start saving money to support yourself and your kids
Get rid of the moron!!
Get rid of him girl go to your dads If you can it will only get worse
You can do this but he i not going to change. I learned a long time ago the only person you can change is you. So you know what you have to do so just do it. Good luck.
Just bluntly this is domestic violence, if he withholds things such as money it is plain and simple domestic violence. You need to have a look around and what services and help can be available to you, call a dv helpline or something like that and hightail it out and don’t look back. You may be 23 and have 4 kids together, but you all deserve better, your kids will be much happier if you are, it doesn’t matter how much of this you hide from them they see it and it becomes their normal. It’s not easy but you can do it and just stand your ground and go!
Girl, don’t waste your time. Which of course is easy for me to say from the internet world 
but yes, truly, you can’t force someone to care. Think of the wonderful kids you have. Y’all are setting the example of how your kids perceive a family dynamic as “normal” if you have daughters; do you want them growing up thinking it’s okay to be treated like that? & if you have sons; is this how you want them to treat their spouse when they’re older? I am a single mom of two with no help. Trust me, you don’t know how strong you really are. Pack up, get a job, apply for assistance if needed (no shame in it), and YOU provide that loving home for those babies. You got this:heart:
That’s abuse and you nor the kids need that call the abuse hotline file for child support get on with your life without him
I think you both assumed a lot of responsibility at a very young age,4 kids it’s not child’s play. Need can sometimes be confused with love especially when we are at our lowest.there is still time to rebuild your life and give your children a happy home and the best of you.good luck😘
Yes .time to grow up girl. This man is a user and enjoys the power he has over you, now he has made you feel useless, and not worthy, but you are a woman who has 4 children that needs a stable parent, and you are that parent, … you are worthy and a good mother, I have never met you but I have daughters that have gone through similar experiences, he throws you out this time don’t go back, go to a councillor, or even the Salvation Army these people will help you, and put you and children in a safe house till you get sorted… you don’t need him … believe in yourself and have faith in yourself because you will manage …
Get a part time -or full time job if you can. Apply for child care assistance, food stamps and get wic. Leave him and file for custody and child support. Hes not gonna change, even if he says he will. Whose name is on the house? If yours is on it he cant kick you out. And with 4 kids any judge would give it to you and have him find somewhere else to live.
Young girls who read this: and that is why you dont need to have 4 kids in the age of 23.
Honestly the best advice I can give u is leave , he sounds like he needs to grow up and if you have broken up god knows how many times and he tells u to leave which I’m assuming that means the kids also have to leave ,imagine the impact this is having in them they can’t feel settled with this sort of environment, it’s time you put your kids first and then yourself and get the hell out of there because u have said yourself he will never change and u can’t keep putting your kids through this , just because u have no money or home doesn’t mean u can’t leave , you need to start thinking to yourself that u don’t need a man to keep you going in life all you need is your kids as long as u have them everything else will sort itself out , it will be a struggle to begin with but imagine how happier I and your kids would be in a happy and settled environment
He dosent want this by the things he has said and what he has done, why do you,you may feel tapped but think of your kids and yourself you deserve so much more how many times should you go back, take it from someone who knows, this not only damages you but your kids will always remember get out while there still young and you have the strength you don’t want to be me 20 yrs later good luck hun
You need to look the next man
Over be for jumping in to any
Thing with any one
I’m not sure what you are asking advice for because you already know your answer so I’m taking this more as venting? If the house was given to you, ask him to leave. The problem is he does not respect you and I sounds like you stay home and he’s the breadwinner. Since you don’t want to leave him. Get your shit together. You have kids that are going to depend on you. Stay where you are and sign up for school. Get a part time job buy yourself a vehicle. He wants to be single and the fact that he kicked you out leads me to believe the house was given to him.
Here are your choices-
-
Go to school and get a degree in nursing or in any career you would like and stay there so he can continue to support you until you can support yourself.
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Once you enroll in school, be ready for him to retaliate and kick you out again, this time go to your fathers house and put his ass on child support until you can get yourself together.
You have to pull yourself out of this toxic relationship. Don’t hold on to the idea that he still wants to marry you because he refers to you as his fiancé. Even if you don’t leave, it doesn’t matter because he still will kick you out with the kids which is a shitty thing to do. Your job as a parent is to support your children and keep them away from all this toxicity. Have a greater goal than being his fiancé because I can promise you it will only get worse.
Seems like BOTH of you need guidance and especially need to support one another. Yeah he’s going to want to hangout with his friends. He’s 23 with four kids and basically a wife. That’s hard for anyone so young to get a grasp on. I’m 21 with just one kid and life is hard. He could be feeling under a lot of pressure to support your four children and you two. Why not talk to him. Don’t argue. Talk. Talk about how you feel and how he feels. And see what you can do as a COUPLE to make your home a happy home. I wouldn’t give up on being with him cause he’s stressed out or wants down time with friends.
You stop him from coping with his stress and he will resent you. Just relax and talk as a couple .
Couples go through the tough times. It’s up to you two to decide if it is going to make or break you.
Actions speak louder than words. He says he loves you but his actions prove that he really doesn’t. As hard as it may be my lovely, you need to see the situation for what it is. Where is it that you stay when he has kicked you out on previous break ups? Stay there and get your life on track for you and your kids sake. Remember your children are seeing you being treated like this and will grow up to think that is the right way to treat someone in a relationship.
You are strong and you’ll have to be strong to leave him. I know it may be hard to accept but he clearly does not love you hun. Xxx
Ummm what are you confused about? You need to raise your standards and get a job. He treats you like shit because you allow it. It’s pretty obvious that he’s not going to change.
Have another baby. That usually helps.