I have a dilemma in my household right now. I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with our 3rd baby. During this pregnancy, my husband has been dealing with depression and anxiety. He gets professional help and has been prescribed medication to help his symptoms. The dilemma is that he has hit the point where he doesn’t have energy, wants to sleep in, zero motivation to do anything. I’m a SAHM to a 4yo and an almost 2yo, so there is lots to get done. I have a history of pre-eclampsia, and the swelling has really kicked in. I know I need to take it easy, but how do I do that when I have a husband I’m trying to help through his personal struggles and maintaining the household?
He has to want to take care of himself, I know it’s hard to hear but it is the truth. You must take care of yourself. Or you put you & baby at risk. You must also think of that hun. Have a blessed & never stressed day
His medication isn’t working. He has to make some effort to help himself. I know it’s hard. But he has to take care of himself first.
Have is dr do a complete blood work up on him. He may have a vitamin deficiency. It can cause these problems.
If he has no energy, wants to sleep a lot, and has no motivation, then his depression is not getting better or is getting worse. His therapist needs to be working with him weekly to build coping mechanisms and he may need either a higher dose or a different medication. I know it’s tough on you, but understand your husband is going through a hard time that he doesn’t have full control over. Chances are he feels very guilty for feeling the way he does and that adds to the depression. Sit down together and work out a plan to help each other get through this. You may have to ask for outside help such as family or friends to get some stuff done around the house or help with the other children.
He needs to push past that and do what he can also if he wants to stay in bed all the time then his medication probably isn’t working and he should see his doctor to adjust it
He needs to have a reevaluation done on his medicine and try to identify/manage the trigger(s) of his anxiety and depression. You cannot do it for him but be a support system for him while taking care of you and the littles. Prayers momma
I agree with everyone in the comments that he needs his medication re evaluated, but finding the correct meds for depression can be a long and hard road. Is it possible for you guys in the meantime to hire some help? maybe a family member that could come over a couple nights a week just to help with the kiddos or clean up? Best of luck❤️
I had an 8 yr old, 4yr old and a newborn. I had awful post baby blues, mild depression and severe anxiety. I still had to parent. The kids and house still had to be cared for. I know we all struggle but struggling is not an excuse to cop out and check out on your family. Tell him to get up and help you!!!
Seek counseling urself as well. They can help u and help u help him. But also his medication could be off sometimes it makes u sleepy n foggy. He might not b on the right one it can take time to find right one. But end of day u r his support not fixer. So many variables to this situation stay strong but if u can’t I recommend ur own therapy
I went through this when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I don’t have a whole lot of advice, it’s super tough and every day is a struggle but you will get through it. Focus on taking care of your babies and yourself. It helps if you have someone to talk to.
I think with the above he should get a good physical, complete blood work up.
I had a B12 and D low . So low I had to have shots of B12.
Was also treated for depression.
Got vitamins up and no more depression. I have to keep a really close check on blood work .
Does he take his meds in the morning or at night? I take mine at night because they make me sleepy. His dosage may also be off or he may not be reacting well. It’s definitely time to have a conversation of “I understand you’re depressed, but we’re a team…and right now I need help”…try not to accuse, just simply state that you’re struggling and offer small ways he can help to start.
Contrary to what some people are saying here, being mean about it is not going to help. Depression is a struggle I deal with EVERY day. Having someone come down on me does NOT help. In fact, it sends me deeper into depression and just generally feeling terrible. If my partner comes and says like, “hey I know you’re struggling but I could really use your help with X, Y, Z.” That helps me find the motivation to get up and do something.
If he’s been on this medication for at least 6 weeks and still isn’t getting better, he may need a different medication or dosage and should speak to his doctor about it. Also, YOU would benefit from attending a therapy session with him once in a while so that you can both come together in a safe space and figure out what kind of coping mechanisms will help you both to come through this together and so that YOU know how you can help him without inadvertently making things worse.
If his professional help and meds aren’t working he needs to switch them. Get a family member to help you.
You need outside help , hire someone or ask family to help with kids ect… I am not saying dont care for your husband but the baby is the star of the show right now and you being the person carrying the baby means your needs come first. Talk to your husbands family for help , helping him if that’s possible. If he were in his right mind he would want you to put your pregnancy ( his child ) first, it’s the most vulnerable family member and it’s your responsibility to protect it .
Just curious if he’s been checked for anemia… also until he gets figured out, maybe ask for outside help?
He needs encouragement not help, he can litterally only help himself and you need to encourage him to…let him know that you are beginning to experience your symptoms now and that yours are dangerous for you and baby and that he needs to now help you instead of the other way round
I have both an had to stop taking the meds prescribed because it was actually making it worse! Have him talk to his dr or therapist about how it is making him feel and see about getting it changed
tell him to be a man and help out. for the love of God its for the health and safety for you and your child.
Can a family member help you out? Or hire someone to help clean. I’m sorry your husband is going through this. I know it’s easier said than done but maybe he can try and get fresh air to start his day off to help his mind get out of that mode, that really helped me.
I also agree with everyone in the comments. He needs his meds reevaluated and he also needs to be reevaluated. If you have a history of pre-eclampsia, he needs to get off his butt and help you. And also take care of you
Get him back to his doctor, think he needs new or stronger medication
He needs to man up… sorry but I don’t want to do stuff either… I have depression etc but I can’t lay in bed or sleep all the time
Talk to the doctor about his meds ive been through this a few times before we found meds that helped me. Its the meds not helping making the problems worse.
I love how some of yall are saying man up i got depression too. First of all its not about maning up so stfu because you obviously dont suffer from debilitating depression and never have or you’d know the struggle. Plus being on meds either worsens your symptoms or helps them. Do your research before you open your fat mouths thinking everyone is like you. Not everyone can function when the meds and depression and anxiety is so overwhelming. Jesus.
Do the minimum to get by. Do dishes when they need or buy plastic dishes and throw them in the bin. Do washing when needed. Get kids to clean toys. Ask family or friends if they can pop over to help.
Do as much as you can handle and be gentle on yourself. It’s not forever and you will get through it.
I’m a momma I know your struggles all to well and the depression and anxiety i got that myself. your husband is very lucky to have you hes clearly going throw somthing. your kids are very smart it you tell them mom needs help i bet they will help. could you afford a sitter to come in for a few hours a week and also do light house keeping . if you were local to me I’d help you aunts, uncles or grandparents around to take the littles for a couple day so you could rest and clean up ? I wish You all the best … add me if you’d like I’m always here to talk thats anyone that reads this also .
He needs to have his medications re assessed , you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves either, he needs to want to feel better and get the extra help to help himself so he can be more involved with the family and the home
It sounds like the depression is getting worse. He needs to be back in to his doctor with you and advocate for him, bc his meds aren’t working. Depression is hard, I have a lot of mental health issues but my SO is an amazing support system
As a 3x mom with sometimes crippling depression along with physical barriers: Eliminate every chore you can. Eat on paper plates. Use tv/precooked dinners, fold laundry sitting on your bed. Let screens babysit, or have the kids go to YOU, rather than you following them. Pare down on toys for the short term. Have the kids use laundry baskets to store them in, so they can clean themselves. Wear clothes a couple days if a fabric refresher will work, skip sweeping/vaccuuming… 2 or 3 months isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. When you are depressed, it is hard to see the end of it.
His meds may need tweaking, but that is rarely a fast fix. More therapy may help, or couples so you can learn how to deal and possibly short circuit the depression.
Many times when I am extremely depressed, seeing someone else helping clean is motivating. I don’t feel like I am carrying it all.
Do things, just the 2 of you. A movie after the kids are sleeping, then an animated discussion about it.
Good luck, hun. To both of you.
It sounds like you need help in the home. I know not everyone can afford that. Mayne just a Mother’s helper, a young teen to be another set of hands for you. They usually charge much less.
Honestly, just relax and don’t worry about the household chores. Just do the dishes and clean things that absolutely need to be cleaned. If theres toys everywhere, so be it. If theres clothes laying around, it isn’t the end of the world. Also call a helpline and talk your issues out. They’re great listeners, and it can help relieve stress. Get your husband to go back to the doctors if it has been a while of taking meds, and they arent helping. But also pair the medication, with other resources. Just taking meds isnt going to help for everyone.
Get family and friends over ask them to take him out and ask help for ur self hope u get thru this
Sounds like his meds isn’t working. He needs to go back to his Dr. Also being active and outside helps a lot. I’m high anxiety and suffer depression. I have to make myself function if not depression wins evetyime. I have learned walking and being outside helps a lot.
It takes a good 2 to 4 weeks for any type of medication to have its effects, especially SSRIs. Just give him a moment to adjust
He needs to go back to the doctor and your Input will help. It sounds like his meds need to be adjusted and adjusted NOW as it can take weeks to kick in. Try and get him outside as vitamin D does make a difference. I am 34 weeks pregnant, have been managing my severe depression for 20+ years. There are times I can not get out of bed. I know personally that Tuesday is the anniversary of loosing my mom last year and I realized today that I have not been wanting to get out of bed or do anything, I literally have zero desire. But definitely speak with his doctor because believe it or not, an outsider’s perspective is way more helpful than you will ever know!! Best wishes
Yeah he needs to talk to his doctor. Something is not working right. I would also have your husband start going for a walk daily around the neighborhood. Get moving. He should also be taking a good amount of vitamin D. But no. Thats not good. He needs to want to get better. He needs to try.
Take this very seriously…does he have the option of inpatient and intense therapy? Not just meds. Some doctors think that’s the only answer.
Sounds strange but maybe find a pool to go swimming? I had preeclampsia with both of my kids and it seemed to really help lower my blood pressure and just relieve all kinds of aches and pains from the pregnancy. It may also help lift your husbands spirits? Just seems to help take all mental and physical stresses away.
You either need to get him to the doctor or get him into the hospital, its neither good nor safe to let him just lay in bed all day. The medication he is taking is not working, so you only have 2 options look after him yourself or get him to somebody who can do it on your behalf, because he obviously does not have the capacity to do it himself
Do you have any family or friends that are nearby? It sounds like you have your hands full and really should be taking care of yourself and getting the rest you need for the new baby. Don’t be hard on yourself. You can’t do it all without your husband’s help and he also needs medical help. If you can just focus on the necessary things and not stress too much.
Sometimes you need a med adjustment, a different med or vitamins. He needs to go back and be honest that it’s not helping.
And you: Do what you must for the littles. Do what you must for you. Don’t beat yourself up for simple meals and leave what you can for another day.
Have you considered letting him go in-patient? It may be hard not having him at home, but also a relief to not have the weight of his burdens on you and the children during that time, but the close monitoring of medications is necessary and vital! Without them seeing firsthand what you see it’s hard to know what kind of struggle is going on.
maybe make a routine or like a chart with hubby to do some of the house work whilst you rest. so you both have rest just at different times. and just keep up the communucation between you and your partner. You both equally are having a rough time so you gotta treat the situation as such.
Talk to his therapist about switching his meds. Or get him a medical marijuana card (if you can in your state).
If it’s trauma based depression look into EMDR therapy. It helped me a lot. Med free for a few years. Never felt better.
Easy meals, minimal chores, only the necessary. Yall need to relax as much as possible before the new baby.
You need to put your foot down and make him go to the doctor and get a didferent medication
Get thru this time and no more pregnancies. Get a job and things will be better.
Is it not the meds that are to strong. Check the pamphlet inside the box or maybe he take it not accordingly to preacriotiob
Tell him to get off his ass he doesn’t feel good but neither do you but you can’t do it all.
Tell him to get a grip. You’ve got a 3rd child coming. He needs to take charge of himself and his family. Please don’t plan for a 4th. He needs to step up!
Annoint your house rebuke any unclean spirits tales to tour husband does he have e.oyment
Have your husbands testosterone level checked. My son suffered for years. He’s much better.
Journals communication and generally not giving a fuck about not important things.
Pick your battles. He needs progress or persistence otherwise he will just bring you down with him and the kids need better than that.
Yes he is suffering and you feel that but dont start to suffer your family unless he is actually trying.
Is there anyone else a family or friend who can help?
Request his doctor to test his t3, t4, TSH and his ANA’s. He could have an undiagnosed auto immune disorder
Just focus on you. Like he would do the same for you if the tables were turned
Needs meds raised or changed . It’s 2020 - 2021 I’m calling my Dr tomorrow
Doctor right away meds aren’t working
Also get a housekeeper for few hours a couple days a week.
I have mental health issues! It’s a struggle for sure, he has to want to get better, he has got to communicate with his doctor about the medication he is on is not for him! It takes a number of different ones before you actually find one to help sometimes… everyday is a new day… you momma also have to take care of yourself it’s ok if the house is a mess!
He might be over medicated. Some anti depressants and anti anxiety meds have that affect. I have bipolar 1 depression and I can not take the medicine for this condition because I am not chemically wired to take it. Is it depression for sure or could it be something else like a thyroid issue or diabetes or testosterone disorder. He needs a complete physical and metabolic panel done. A lot of different health issues mimick the symptoms of depression. Definently get him to his pcp first thing in the morning.
But praise God in all things Jesus Jesus blood takes care of alot
Seek the pastor to come in
Ok drink more water and iced tea lay on left side. I think. Double check…
Do what you can and leave the rest. Don’t loose your health.
My ex had depression and anxiety while we were married and it was hard for me to deal with so imagine what he’s going through. Exercise helped my ex, going for a walk or we all got bikes and went riding. Be patient till u can’t.
Sounds like meds are not working. You need to talk to his dr as well.
Oh hun , I wish I’d be there
I would totally help you clean your house for free
Wow… A couple of these comments are sick.
Maybe he needs a new plan of care, maybe a different team of doctors will be better help. Unfortunately with depression and anxiety it really is a hit n miss on what will work and what won’t. Has he joined any support groups?
You need to ask for help with tasks while you focus on you and your family. Do you have church, extended family, neighbors, colleagues, a moms group who could help you with meals, laundry, errands, cleaning or even financially so you could hire someone in the short-term? Such a difficult situation, but I know that your support towards your husband would help him and probably make you feel a little better as well. As a mom we often find it hard to ask for help, but please reach out. It could be life and death for your family.
The less you do, the less you feel like doing. Maybe if he moved around more, even if he has to force himself at first, he will become more able to function with less effort. Time for a heart to heart talk about your medical needs too.
Let his doctor know about the sleepiness, lack of motivation, etc. A minor med change could help.
He needs to talk to his dr. I struggle with depression and anxiety myself. Some days when I have no energy or motivation, I put on music and start slow. Like sweeping or picking up any trash around the house, then rest, drink water, watch an episode of a show, then do another small thing. So I feel a little accomplished with what I could get done and less upset at what I cant do and it gets me up and moving.
The meds can be the reason he is like that, the effect every differently. He needs to tell his doctor about this and get them to change them.
If he is having those symptoms then his therapy and medications aren’t working. He doesn’t lack motivation, he is depressed. He needs a higher dose or a change in medication. And I’m not saying this judgmentally or to be mean, I’m saying it because I’ve been there. Except it was me and I didn’t have a spouse to help take care of the kids so I had to get better. Talk to him and get him to talk to his doctor. Go with him to talk to his doctor is he has anxiety about that, sometimes the anxiety can make it hard for you to advocate for yourself. Maybe make a list of the symptoms you’re noticing, even keeping track of exactly how many hours he’s sleeping each day. Not to rub it in his face, but to track his symptoms and hep the doctor understand that he needs more help than he is currently getting. Because there is hope. He can do it, he can get out of bed and function normally, he just needs the right support and medication to do it
Sounds like he needs to change the meds or dosage. He needs to see his doctor and let them know what’s going on.
My daughter also deal with preeclampsia during pregnancy and b4 birth. Please take care of yourself 1st, it is very important for you all!! Maybe you can help get his meds readjusted, also seek a therapist for help and advice! Maybe a friend or family member can help with the kids some times so you can relax for awhile as well! Wishing you both peace and good health:pray:t5:
Take care of you and your babies 1st and foremost…your husband needs to put his big boy pants on and take responsibility for himself…you are not his mama…if he does not want to figure out what he needs to do to get better maybe you need to reevaluate your life with your babies
don’t worry we had 12 kids in 12 years…turn on the music and dance to life’s crazy moments. We got a storage unit and removed most of the home, added paper plates and plastic cups. Baby gates and only clean what you have too. plastic bins to clear off floors and for clothes have saved me!
He need to change his meds. Ive hard the same issue with my husband. Once he found the right one he alot better.
I struggle with depression and anxiety so I hope this helps. I’m better with a schedule, from making a list starting with making my bed, throw a load of laundry in, take a bath (especially on my days off from work). Start small. All I can say I’m praying for you.
How long has he been on his meds?? If recent, he needs time for them to start working. I have been in your hubby’s position but I also symothasize on your end. If I’m not regulated on my meds and needs to be adjusted, up the dose etc, I feel the way your hubby does.
Clearly what they have set up for him is not helping. He needs a reevaluation and you do enough taking care of everything while being pregnant. Communicating is key and supporting as well. Try to talk to his doctor, all 3 of you and explain the circumstances around everyone. You can only do so much and try to steer him in the right direction without nagging
Maybe need to change up meds. As a mom to 3 with bipolar 1 ptsd anxiety and much more. Just have as much patience you can have being pregnant and feeling all those emotions on top of everything else. Remember you can do one thing at a time. When you need a break take it. It’s all about balance make it work to the best of your ability no matter what it takes. You got this!
Maybe have him ask his psychiatrist about a medication called Vraylar. It’s helped me tremendously. I use to sleep in bed for days when I didn’t have to work. You shouldn’t have to carry the load by yourself.
There lots you can shirt cut.
1.the body was not born with depression or anxiety
2. 90 percent of pills will make u sleepy big time.
3. And with time a drug
4.children can make a men very tired no matter how much he cares.
5. I am tired just thinking 2 little ones and one on way.
6.what happen to Mr pill.
7.its time for a fun ( BREAK) for him get a a baby sitter.
8. Forget the paper plates the change will not make it better.
9.is he up all nite.
10. Talking to him will just make him angry.
You may die and your baby may die if you don’t take your health seriously.
Get help. Parents, friends. He’s going to have to push through it and help out.
Let your house get dirty. Eat take out or frozen pizza. Minimize.
Can you rely on friends and family until he gets it together? That’s what I did as a single mom. But I’ve been taking care of her completely solo since she was 6 months old and she’s almost 17 so yea… It’s doable
Sounds like the meds aren’t working
Do you have a church family to reach out to?
You are a strong woman! Keep it up.
Have him request a med change maybe?
Can family help you ?
Talk to him about it
Can his family not help you? If something happens to you or baby, I don’t think there will be any coming back from that for him.
As a single mom with a 13y a 6y a 1 and half year old and I am 7 months pregnant I know the struggle all to well. But as someone who has suffered from mental health in the past I also get it. He needs to continue a consistent routine . He needs to be waking up with you. He needs to be trying to participate . Especially if he is there . As someone who has had gestational diabetes before, and who knows if this time I get it. I get being tired and exhausted . But all you can do is pick and choose what is worth maintaining. Reality is you can’t do everything . At least not at once . I am cleaning a room a day everyday for a week then sweep and mop. Got to do what you got to do. But if I had a man helping me I would not allow any thing to stop them from helping me . That’s unacceptable . On one hand you can’t enable the mental health. On another you can’t push certain things to hard. But to be a healthy member of the family is important . I wouldn’t change my “struggles” so I am not complaining. But you got to decide what you want from him. Express it . Write it down . Maybe ask him to write it down. But girl something has to change and you are gonna have to put your foot down and be the bad guy. Until he is consistently participating he is gonna stay in the rut even if it’s not classified as taking advantage of it . It’s definitely what mental health does .
U need as less stress as possible or u and ur child could die get u some outdide help asap
Encourage him to exercise. Sounds iffy but really helps with these types of conditions. As for you, rest as much as possible. Life is hard but you are stronger than the struggles.