If you are “considering” being with this man and playing family ???!!?? YOU WILL BE/ARE THE SAME WOMAN STANDING AT THE DOOR WITH TODDLERS HANGING ON YOUR LEGS- HELLO!!! What you should be considering is if you want to be walking in her shoes- SHE is the one “trapped” and you will be too.
He absolutely can change. And if he is actively seeking counseling then you stand a chance together, and as a family. He really may have ended up in an awful situation with an awful person.
The truth is, there is no guarantee to the outcome of anything in life. You may always be wondering if he’s cheating, and find out it’s too much to bear. Who knows?
Just go in with your eyes open, and stay healthy. Good luck, and lots of love to you.
My lord that’s a whole lotta mess. Nope. He cheated on his wife,he most likely would not be faithful to you. How could you even trust him after that?
Thank you for being remorseful and not vindictive. Yes give him a chance because maybe he is telling the truth. There are women like that which sucks and give women like us a bad name. Its sucks that you had to meet a decent guy under those circumstances and get pregnant. He didn’t once mistreat you. But did get upset at the fact that you went and caused an uproar which he did apologize for. I guess since she is spiteful and vengeful just dont react ignore she can run your name through the mud but just know that she is scorned and she’ll get over it eventually. Some women who live their lives like that cause for their men to cheat because hey who wants to sit around a person who just belittles and abuses you. No one gets turned on by that. I just hope she is a better mother to her kids then she was a wide to him. I’m sorry there wasn’t the full truth in the beginning to give you some peace. But focus on your child. It was obviously made with love if he cared that much about you to say let’s try. It never hurts to try. Just stay out of there martial and family affairs. Good luck and Congratulations on your beautiful blessing. At least something good will come out this all. But make sure you find out all the truth before you move forward with him.
You’re being naive. Forget him.
His stories about him being in an abusive relationship after all the things you have seen… could be just a cover up. If he really wanted out of the relationship, hes a man he could do just that. Do not let him convince you, he was made to stay or else. Men do what they want.
Forget about him and move on
He may well be being truthful and unhappy in his marriage. Doesn’t change he chose to cheat and long term. He was on s dating sight not some accidental situation. His response before your pregnancy news should tell you a lot about his character. He’s the father and there’s no changing that now. If your keeping the baby Its in thre child best interest if your friendly. But this doesn’t mean you should trust him. My opinion is if you get someone cheating you’ll eventually lose them the same way. As for the wife she’s obviously filled with her own justified anger. She may be showing her character in her reaction but she’s got every right to feeling betrayed. You owe her no more explanation. Take care of you. Maybe talk with a counselor.
Look at you making excuses and trying to reason out why you let yourself get pregnant by a man you knew didn’t want a relationship with you. The rest is fodder.
Once a cheater, always a cheater, also if those text messages she sent him prior to all of this is true, I can see why he cheated! However he knew he was ruining his family by doing what he did! Both of them are at fault! She is an angry bitch and he is a man whore
Sounds like a blessing for him. He was in a shit relationship before. That’s why he went out for someone else. All of this was going on before you. This might of been what he needed. Do what you think is best. I’d give him a chance
Not a single one of us know your heart…trust yourself in making a decision. If you can forgive, then forgive because they are so many of us who cannot look past our own anger to do that. If you think hes moving in the right direction then give him a shot. If not then walk away.
Ur lucky u can be a single parent and not worry about the other parent I kinda miss those days but I love my now husband but it so much easier being a single parent with the other parent not involved
He will cheat on you.
Let him sort out his mess he made with his wife, she might be nasty and mean-but the chances of that being “just who she is” and him being blameless are slim. There is no excuse for cheating. He chose to avoid fixing his life by checking out and having a FWB.
Please just take care of yourself and your baby, establish paternity and hold him responsible for his child.
Set boundaries and do what is right by the child who is innocent.
But please do not pursue a relationship with such a broken man-just bc you’re feeling alone and pregnant. This never ends well.
I’m so sorry.
Oh my goodness. My head is spinning with this. It sounds like he was in an abusive relationship. After divorcing he needs to get his life in order. Definitely seek out therapy. Let him prove his wort for the rest. He needs to take down dating profiles and all that other crap. Stay friends. He may end up being a good dad and be able to help out with your child.
give him the chance and help him get through this, clearly he cares for you and wants a better life, you both are grown and know what you want but just remember he will always have the ties to his ex due to kids and all. talk to him and see what he wants and what you want be upfront and honest you got this… CONGRATS on the bundle of joy sweet mama!
Call Maury then Judge Judy!!! Or Judge Jerry. 🤦 Springer has a court show now too. 🤷 However, after hearing your case, he may send you over to film for his other show.
But, seriously, wait. Stop. Way too soon to play house again. After the baby is born, no matter what, LET HIM BE A DADDY!!! Good Luck.
I stopped reading half way. Let a court sort out whatever issues you have. Cuz you need more than Facebook right now.
What a load of horseshit! What he did was wrong from the get go. What an untrustworthy deceitful asshole he is! A married man living with his family and tuning you on a dating site . Yeah nah. And to show you private conversations he’s had with his wife which are actually none of your business. Just concentrate on your baby, plenty of people co-parent without being in a relationship. I know I wouldn’t be able to live with a man who’s done that sort of thing. Just sayin.
I feel like i just read the script to a Movie … Once a cheater always a cheater & while he can be in child’s life, that doesn’t mean y’all need to be together … how could you trust him ?!?
. Imagine yourself in her shoes and think of your future. .I was told the same BS. I NEVER TRULY LOVED HER. I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING BECAUSE I GOT HER PREGNANT. BS
You lose em how you get em. Whatever you do…just keep that in mind
Co parent and move on. He will do the same thing to you as he did to his wife.
People do change if they want to but it isn’t something anyone but them can decide. It is still to early to tell what will happen and wether or not he should be given another chance. Take your time and focus on staying healthy and stress free for that baby. He knows what he has to do if he truly wants to be with you so give him time to do it but don’t push him too, his actions will show you just keep your eyes open. Whatever happens between the two of you just let him be in his babies life, if he is a good man and a good father don’t let his past interfere with your child’s future with him.
The man said he will “leave” his wife! they never leave! Men want their cake and eat it too. There were definitely signs of him being married! A) you’re dumb as rocks B) love is blind C) you’re now trying to make this sound like your the victim.
If he did it to her, he’ll do it to you.
I’d let him be a dad, but that’s it.
But I’m one that if I can’t trust you, then we have NOTHING.
You have nothing.
Omg ir being naive. He did it to her with you he will do it to you with someone else
If he cheats once, it’ll happen again. He didn’t even love the first women…
I wouldn’t believe that his wife is the abusive one either
Narcissistic people are the first to run and play victim while the real victim is silenced… and he’s only using that card to justify his actions of cheating! Oh she abuses me…Don’t even consider being in a relationship with him.
Just remember, what he did to her he will do to you… you never actuallllly know the other side of the story… even if she may seem psycho, theres usuallly a reason females act like that
He isn’t being abused so don’t try to make excuses for him. Cut any romantic ties with him unless you wanna be the next wife/mother answering the door to some random who’s been screwing your husband behind YOUR back. Hook him for child support and work out some type of coparenting situation. Once a cheater always a cheater. Trash is trash no matter how much you try to smooth it out.
He did it with her, with you, he’ll do it to someone else too.
He is gonna do the same thing he did with his first wife. Look at the pattern.
A liar is still a liar. He just has no proper good heart to be a man. Think hundreds of time before you decide you can accept to live with him and wonder when it will be time you’ve got cheated on.
Your just as bad SD he is. The second you found out he was married you should have stopped all contact. Maybe she’s so hateful because she has had to put up with not only you cheating with her husband but god only knows how many more before you. She has every right to be angry. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute and leave her and HER husband alone.
We all know that MOST, note that I did NOT say ALL MEN, but most are worthless anymore. Yes your situation sucks but you’re going to get a ray of sunshine at the end. Focus on that and STOP WORRYING ABOUT HIM! And take a lesson from this. Every single lady out there needs to do their homework BEFORE they become intimate with a man. Some of them are getting really good at hiding things. We have to stay a step ahead.
You went to his house not notice one sigle pictures, toys or rooms. Yeah sure you did not know
Abort and cut your losses ! sounds cold but who wants to work this mess out anything he has she will take with her in the divorce theyre not your kids but youll be paying for them while yours suffers, Then ten years later youll be be the bitch at home when a new one comes knocking.
Abuse can and does drive people away from marriages/relationships. Let him get counseling and then go from there. Go with him even. Contrary to what some may think, he could be a good guy that was being mistreated at home and went looking for affection elsewhere. Just take your time and when the time is right to make that decision you’ll know.
Wow. After catching him you ate up all his lies because that’s what you WANT to believe. You WANT to convince yourself that he had no other way and that he’ll turn around and do right and you’ll get married and have kids and live happily ever after. Just like his wife did. You realize more than likely he has manipulated these fights with her to do exactly that? Turn it all around on her? You’re not naive, you’re in denial. If you had any dignity you wouldn’t have met up with him in person. You would have faced his wife and spoken to her about your innocence, but instead you ran and then gave him a chance to convince you that’s he’s poor little him. Play by play, the cheaters script. He was hunting on dating sites for women willing to only meet up for sex for a reason. Good luck with that. Smh I feel bad for all of the children involved and his wife. You have no idea what he has done to bring her to that point and you’re offended that she would be angry with you? You CHOOSE to continue to see him and give him the benefit of doubt, you ARE the bad guy. She’s not wrong. If he was a good man he would have left but he chose to cheat and I highly doubt you never suspected anything when going to his home. I think you chose to let it continue hoping in the end he’d chose you, and now that he’s been caught you actually think he did. Good luck indeed. Smh.
Even if you had no idea now you do and you chose to continue, you’re not a good person and you’re far from innocent and soon enough you’ll be the one who got pregnant on purpose to trap him. What goes around comes around.
Granted SOME, very FEW, people are truthful and genuinely in this situation, but this definitely doesn’t seem to be that exception.
Girl run and run fast
He lied once hes gonna lie again.if he really cared he would hav tell u he was a married man.hes playing the victim.
This happened to a friend of mine. He has to fix this now.
Sorry but he isn’t being abused! He sounds like a narcissistic sociopath. Of course she calls him all these things when he cheats on her. You probably weren’t the first and I can imagine that’s where these recordings came from. The fact that he sits with you slating her and saying how she destroyed him etc when she gave him children is disgusting. He said he never loved her and it was a FWB situation and he felt it was the right thing g to do. Uh ringing alarm bells when that’s exactly what he’s now trying to do with you? Let him be apart of his child’s life fine. But find a man who will adore you and your child to be and will be mature and loving enough to have that family unit with you. You deserve better and so does his wife xx
Prior to pregnancy, did you ever think about wanting to be a couple?
Are you in love with him?
It wouldnt be fair to him if you are just considering it now. To leave a marriage that although abusive he has stayed in and would have continued to stay until he found another skirt. Men dont leave unless there is another woman. They just unhappily stay.
You would be risking your own chance of finding your own happily ever after if you get with him, not in love, and be a homewrecker in the process…not fair to anybody
Oh he’s being abused but has the time for an affair? Careful with narcissist playing the victim and let’s not forget the wife…i would be mad…?terrible
What you should do as someone on the other end is step back. Have the baby if you want, file for child support, let him have visitation/joint custody, and let him deal with his drama. You cant have a relationship with a married man. You didnt know then but you know that now. What done is done. Be the better woman and step back.
FWB (very convenient for men to use women) and now an innocent child will be in the middle of a huge deceptive mess. Ladies, stop giving it away without a commitment! You deserve more than that!
Oh child…After he cheats on you he’ll make you out to look like the psycho as well. Maybe he’ll record you going on a rant LOL He was being a secretive adulterer and he got caught. Probably was not the first time. Maybe she wasn’t getting attention from him or treated her like shit and reaction was to act out & be mean to him! He will get sick of you and do the same shit until he’s caught again. Some ‘men’ are just disgusting like that. 🤷
You are going to do what you want regardless of what any stranger says on FB. I think you know in your head what the right thing to do is. The saying once a cheater always a cheater isn’t a saying for nothing
Do not give him the benefit of the doubt. Nobody forced him to marry her and if she was really that awful he should’ve left her before he cheated on her! He’s a POS. Period. Hope he will at least be a good dad. You need to face the fact that y’all relationship is a mess and it probably always will be. Seperate yourself and become a bomb ass mom. Let him be a father, it’s not the kids fault. That’s why you should make sure you know the person you’re having sexual relationships with.
You don’t want any part of that mess. Can you imagine the hell she would put you both through while they are still having to raise their kids together too?
Give him a chance. After he gets help… You may be the one he actually does love.
I say it sounds like he’s very serious about being with you and sounds exactly right. Make sure he goes to the counselor and maybe go with him. If they’re really getting a divorce then he’s telling the truth. He told his wife… Sounds legit to me… Poor guy… I can’t blame him she sounds terrible
STOP BEING NAIVE. You sound smarter than what you’re typing because every wife that has been cheated on has heard this story before. We’re never the bad guys. You don’t know if he has done this before. You’re probably not his first. Hell tell the next that you got pregnant on purpose.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
sure go for it he has only cheated once or twice and he wont cheat on you CAUSE HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU wow are you stupid or what??
Let him go to counseling and work on himself, you do the same. Focus on becoming a mom, put everything into your kid, work, family, friends, ect. Try to be so busy that you have no time to think of him or see him. Dont let him talk you into meeting up with him again. …at least for a little while. Just text him with updates on the pregnancy and keep it professional. You’ll have a relationship with him for 18 years, if he changes, you’ll see it, no need to rush into forgiving him and giving him a chance at a relationship just yet. He might just be an asshole playing the victim but he could also be a good person who made some mistakes. Time will tell, don’t rush into anything.
I would say to give him that chance to get help to figure his shit out also for him to get a divorce m Worry about you and LO and see what happens. You never know what life will throw at you. Maybe he is mr right maybe not. Time will tell.
Read the comments. Weigh the information. But only quiet time alone will answer this for you. Meditate. Pray. Sleep.
But know that you still don’t have to have this baby. It doesn’t matter if he is a good man or not, if you want to use this experience to know you want the “white picket fence” life then do consider waiting on that.
Also I will say that everyone makes mistakes. A man that I know closely, love, and respect did some things I never would have thought he was capable of. He suffered abuse much like this man you have described and it truly takes a toll. He is now divorced, spent some time as a single father, and is now remarried and back to being the ethical man I’ve always know he is.
Side note, I got pregnant by a FWB. I didn’t get an abortion even tho I was asked to because I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant in the first place. Being a solo parent takes a huge toll, on the child just as much as it does on you. Now that I’ve done it, I can say I don’t think it’s fair to do to a child and the guilt haunts me.
That said, I’m no longer single, no longer doing it alone and maybe when I’ve settled into this partnership longer, I’ll feel differently.
This is your choice and your choice alone.
How you get them is how you loose them . One day you’ll be that wife standing in the doorway with toddlers and a women knocks on you’re door .
He’s a liar, a cheater, and worse of all a manipulator… He will probably never leave his wife and if he does and gets with you then one day you’ll be the one opening the door with toddlers hanging on you to his next fling…
I would be abusive too if I had a husband cheating on me and even get her pregnant. He is a cheater and probably will always be. Let him go because he belongs to his wife not you. Do the right thing. He will eventually start looking for someone else too. These type of guys will always play games.
You be careful, desperate men do dangerous things to pregnant women. In the end his wife may be on your side. Kick him to the curb, he did it to her he will do it to u. Or worse.
Run sis… Save yourself the pain. He not leaving his wife.
Their is 3 sides to every story. You only got his. People who will cheat will say anything. You have no idea what he has done to cause her to be like that. MAybe this wasn’t his first affair and she is just lashing out at him. I really would dig a little deeper before you do anything. Take care you if and that babe and if it’s ment to be it will be.
Years ago this almost same thing happened to me, listen very carefully to me.
Run Run Run as fast as you can.
He is not worth it.
You didn’t know that he was married before, but NOW you do. Act accordingly. Don’t be the person he leaves his wife and family for. That’s a whole lot of bad energy you’re bringing into you and your baby’s your lives. It would be best if you cease direct communication with him and only communicate through a reliable, trusted third party to avoid being manipulated by him.
I wouldnt attempt a real relationship with this man, just be friendly for the sake of the baby to be and move on.
Uhm he is being abused. He probably found comfort in you. He needs therapy. His actions were wrong, but I can understand him wanting to find peace somewhere else.
Give him a chance and try to work on your guys relationship. Help him get through this be there for him. Start off as friends and see how it goes. You don’t know everything so you can’t say hes a bad man for that. He may be serious with you and mean what he says. Just give him that chance and see if he deserves it
Holley Sanders Singletary I think you’ll have a good reply for this one
… I would bet 10 to 1 he ain’t leavin’ his wife.
Been in same situation but he stayed with his wife. The wife has no clue about me or my child and intend on keeping that way. I didnt know but that’s my fault. Our child is elementary age and I receive child support under table and do not talk to him but once month and that’s for money. I do not sleep with him and havent since I founding out . I did however meet my husband about a year later and we now have a beautiful 6 week old baby girl. To be honest the wife has every right to be angry with her husband. If your truly didnt know then I understand why your upset. However if you knew he was married then you have to endure her wrath for a while. In your situation I would leave him alone and file for child support and custody. If he wants to be in your child’s life you have to let him but until the child is born just leave it be. Also take a dna test even if you know 100%.
He definitely did not tell his wife the whole truth just take care of your baby and get child support if needed.
I gotta know how you spent the night at his house and did not see one single women or children’s item… Like did he legit remodel the entire house so you wouldnt notice? There weren’t toys, clothes, pictures, shoes, artwork, bathroom products? Nothing, anywhere?
Thats some seriously sneaky, shady shit…
Listen to me, he is NEVER going to be with you. Once he loses his marriage he’s gonna blame you (even though it’s his fault too), and he will not choose to be with you. Even if they had issues. So now you have to decide whether you’re gonna be a single mom and if so, then own it. He’s gotta work on himself alone. Sorry honey that’s not the man for you. Don’t put your child through that.
You’ve got several months to see how this pans out. Sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons. If he is really getting a divorce, he’ll have paperwork and court dates. I feel bad for him. It’s not easy being in a bad relationship especially an abusive one. You are probably the only good thing going for him, outside of his career. Make sure he gets a good attorney.
Who knows. This could know true. Sometimes men stray because of being mistreated. It’s not only women who can be mistreated
Don’t jump into a relationship. It sounds like you’re keeping the baby. Let that process for you. Sounds like you could be friends with this guy & that’s fine. See what happens. It all works out.
If he told his wife everything then have him get counseling and see what happens focus on you and the baby f he truly loves you it will all work out the way it should start over as friends only for the sake of the baby if more comes of it then maybe it’s meant to be follow your gut feeling
So, same thing happened with his wife and now happened between the two of you? Uh he probably ain’t gonna change
Sweet heart. Please message me. I can give you a world of advice. I was in a similar situation. I wont tell a soul who you are but i can tell you it’s a happy ending for me. If you want to talk. Message me and I’ll help in any way i can.
If anyone wants to know ill tell my story but dont get ugly and disrespectful with me.
How you go to another woman’s house and not know one lived there? BS… men aren’t smart enough to change everything.
I call BS on everyone saying “if he did it to her, he’ll do it to you.” Most of the time, that is true. However, I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve been cheated on, and I’ve cheated. At the time, my cheating felt justified. Obviously, I’ve grown as a person and realize there is no valid reason to cheat. I would never cheat on my husband. Ever. Just because someone makes a mistake, doesn’t mean they’ll continue doing it.
I would maintain a civil relationship with him for the sake of your child until you see how things go.
If he does leave his wife, which I doubt he will…he will do the SAME thing to you sis. Time to wash ya hands and move on.
I’d give him a chance honestly
He sounds like he’s really trying to make things with you work. And she sounds abusive!
Wowwwwwwwwwww… that’s a helluva situation. Holyshit.
I mean. If you have “proof” she was such a sorry wife/partner… I say, move forward very cautiously. Maintain an open/cordial relationship with the guy - I mean he wants to do right by the baby you now have and all, and he DID confess things to her - which, is a pretty big thing. I think if he were a legit cheater-cheater, he either wouldn’t have come clean to her or would have but would be playing the “she was just a fling/I really love you baby/let’s save our marriage” thing.
If you wanna have that baby/are opposed to abortion - then go ahead, keep baby, and just move forward with him cautiously. Very very cautiously. Especially about your feelings for him. I mean the fact that he knows about the baby, and is open and receptive to being supportive of it (already has 2 kiddos) is A good sign (I think). So.
Man, either way, good luck. If that situation is true, poor guy. I’ve been there - miserably unhappy but only in it for my kids - so maybe he is too and genuinely happy that he has an “out” now. Only you can make the choices moving forward though. Good luck girl
He lied to you. When he was originally busted he freaked on you.
You need to cut ties and decide independently of him on what you need to do for tough and that baby. Your reality should not include him.
Nahh, dont be with him. He’s a liar and a cheater. Lol
This sounds so complex. Id keep myself at a distance but watch what happens, see if they actually get divorced. I know someone who married a girl bc he thought he was doing the right thing too 🤷 he didnt cheat, but…
Men can and do suffer from abuse at the hands of a woman they often don’t report it do to backlash because there a man how can that be possible but it happens and they suffer in silence
Only time will tell sweetheart . Take things slow and let nature take its course . Wish you all the best and congratulations
If he’s going to do it with you, he’s going to do it to you. History has a pattern of repeating itself. Might not, be a year down the road or even 5. Let him go and focus on the baby. Only contact him if it pertains to the pregnancy and child. If he’s serious about “changing his life around”, he will. Only time will tell. But yes, I honestly do think your naive for thinking this at this point in time of life. You’re already “that woman”. Don’t continue to be.
Girl you need to just leave it alone, if he wants to be in the babys life then let him. But I highly doubt he will leave his wife and kids. If i were in your shoes I would have the baby have him pay child support, but I wouldn’t ever be with him. He lied hid things and cheated like the other comments say its hard to tell how many times he has cheated on his wife. You can always find you a good man ( they do exist i promise you that) and if that man loves you truly he will except your child too. Get yourself and your baby out of this situation it will be good for you both in the long run… i wish you luck!
What in the world? You shouldn’t even have to ask facebook this. He cheated on his WIFE…not a girlfriend…his WIFE with you.
He just ruined his marriage and possibly made things difficult with his kids and you’re willing to put ALL that aside to give him a chance? Nooooooooo. He cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
Let him be a parent, but no more than that.
You cannot change how his wife deals with her anger. Hopefully you do not have mutual friends, and you can block her posts so you don’t have to see them, get upset or respond to them.
Then, there is the man himself. If he really wanted to leave his wife he would have gone so before he got you pregnant. I give him kudos for not telling you to get an abortion and be fine with it, but I hear history about to repeat itself. . . If you get together with him, someday he will be telling g someone ELSE, that you got pregnant to trap him into marriage and now he’s getting a divorce because he’s in love with this new fling. Had he REALLY LOVED you, he would have been honest with you before he got caught. Love does not thrive on lies and deception; it grows when people are honest with each other. This man lives one person: himself
So, hang tough. It is okay to have a baby and be a single mom. The early sleepless nights are very very difficult on your own, but you can be a healthy mom and bring your child up to be healthy and grow into a healthy adult. Do what is best for you and for your child. This man will move on no matter what you do. He will find some other caring woman to hit on, and he will be just as dishonest with her. So don’t let his tears and gentle words deceive you. Free him to make his own decisions without promises from you and I think you will find that he doesn’t change. If he were going to change, he would not have strung both you and his wife along by living a lie.
I’d say just let it play out. Don’t rush into anything but sit back and watch what happens. He could be telling you the truth. Men can/do stay in abusive relationships the same as women. Cheating is wrong, no matter how you look at it…but he could mean what he says about how he feels about you. See where it goes. My mom & step dad were both married when they met. My step dad worked with my father and they were all friends…all married friends. My mom cheated on my father with my step dad (who was also cheating on his wife)…they got caught & everyone got divorced. My mom married my step dad and they were married for 25 years until my step dad got sick and passed away. If you and this man are meant to be together…that will happen in its own time. You should try to at least have an amicable relationship or good friendship because he is your child’s father.
Ultimately no one can make this decision for you. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions. Just take time to try and see what happens if that is what you want.