You know, we rarely talk about men being abused and it’s sad. It’s usually women who are beaten and abused, but more and more we are hearing about men going through the same things. Women can be narcissistic also and abusive just as much as men. I would see how it pans out. If he is really going through a divorce, you’ll see paperwork. I agree with him getting therapy for the abuse. And I agree with just keeping it friendly until you both are totally ready. Maybe he truly is a good guy. Who knows. Only time will tell.
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I haven’t read any comments. But, That’s because I want to get my thoughts out without reading what I know are negative Nancy’s making likely unique great points about why this is wrong. I believe that a man or person can change and that if they truly changed or willing to change that they can admit their own faults. It sounds as though he is in fact admitting his own faults here. Perhaps give it the time he is requesting and see if his words match his actions then decide.
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I don’t really have any advice, I just want to wish you luck. This such a hard situation and it’s going to take you a very long time to process everything that is happening in your life.
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Have the baby and get child support. thats it.
Girl if he can cheat on her he will cheat on you. Period
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He did this to his wife. Casual sex, pregnancy then marriage. Then cheats on her with you. Same thing happens. Sounds like a pattern to me. He has shown you who he is are you going to believe his actions or pretty words? I suggest you drop him and find a real man. Not a boy who wants his cake and to eat it to.
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Hopefully the image of her is burned in your brain, cause you’re staring right at future YOU.
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Yes you’re being naive. He has no business dragging you into his marriage and playing you and his wife off against each other. Why is he recording one sided conversations of his wife so he can get sympathy from his mistress. He had another woman in her bed with no care for her or his kids. Being called a tiny penis man is the least he should expect. You can’t stay over in a marital home and not notice the presence of a wife and kids. He must have badly hidden their things? Mine shoved photos of me and our newborn daughter down the sofa and in drawers and tried to hide our things but they can’t hide everything. It is noticeable. She’s allowed to be angry.
However, he is the one very much in the wrong here. No point in the wife blaming you for it. You’re guilty only of naivety, and now you have a decision to make. Only you know. But you also know what kind of a man he is. Pay attention to his actions not his words. It’s a question of being prepared to raise this child on your own or possibly coparenting with a man who may have narcissistic tendencies or may bring another woman into your bed and walk out on your child. If it’s worst case scenario and he is manipulative and narcissistic he will try to destroy you. Look at where his wife is now.
It’s your life and your choice. Good luck. Be strong x
I’d insist he try to work if out with his wife and existing family and try to be a good dad to your kid but move on. Also the best of luck to you all. What a difficult situation.
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I’d make sure that they get a divorce or legally separate, papers filed. I wouldn’t trust him completely until that happened. He’s gonna lose a lot because he did have an affair unless he can prove domestic abuse. He’ll have to pay child support too. It’s a truly messy situation. If he actually does go through with filing for divorce…even then…it’s going to be ugly! No good advice here…just best of luck. I can tell you that once you have that baby you’ll love it to death! There’s no love like it regardless the circumstance.
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If he did it to her he will do it to you. He obviously loved her enough to marry her and things change after you have a child so you wont be as fun any more just like what happened with her and he will find someone new. History always repeats itself.
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Be friends and see where it goes from there.
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I read this in a book once.
I too got pregnant by a man who is married although I was aware that he was married they were separated she was abusive she never contributed they didn’t have kids but he felt like he owed her because he married her he wanted to make sure she was taking care of although she was a vindictive spiteful selfish person I never really understood it and when I got pregnant I was beyond angry especially because he wouldn’t leave her even then she had an accident and was in need of Medical Care so I waited pregnant for him to leave he only did only a month before I gave birth we had nothing built up for ourselves and had to start from below the bottom I have faith that he was a good man and as fucked up as it sounds the fact that he wanted to be there for his then-wife and see it to the end gave me hope that he would do the same for me and that he was a caring individual some time has passed our daughter is almost 2 and although it’s been a struggle climbing out and figuring out life I have no regrets I wish things had been different but I’m glad I stuck by his side he’s only continued to prove himself a good man and love our family
Have the baby and let him be in the babies life. If in the future y’all get together that fine. Do what you need girl at the end of the day nobody’s opinion matters and you’ll need to do what you feel is right!
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Make every decision from here on out, for your unborn child, and yourself. You can remain on nice terms with him… He needs to go through his divorce, see that therapist he was talking about… And who knows? Maybe you can be together in the future. But right now, it’s you and this baby. It’s a tough situation. Choose what’s best for the kid and you’ll choose the right way. Good luck.
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I don’t normally care enough about these things to comment however I am compelled to ask. How were you in his house so many times and had no idea a woman and children lived there?
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And are you not taking any blame? Sounds like you are but at the same time giving him all the blame
Funny, he did the “FWB turn pregnancy and he wants to do the right thing for the sake of the baby twice”. How long before he says you trapped him with the pregnancy? He sounds too familiar and comfortable with having someone in this position. You can’t imagine the chaos caused to the life of his wife, he’s playing you one sided recordings and texts that makes him feed on the empathy you are giving him. Just picture yourself married and a woman comes to your door asking for your husband. Give the wife a break!
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You belived his lies and want to hear his lieds again?
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Can’t give you the proper help over fb comments. Sorry not sorry
I went with a guy like this, no pregnancy though. His current wife tracks everything he does so when he traveled he would call. I got tired of him going behind his wife’s back and myself being in the closet. I did love him but quit corresponding at all. Counseling might be for his marriage. He can help financially though thru 3rd party and wait it out and see what he ‘really’ does. He may not divorce due to financial aspects. My husband cheated on me, I never would have approached the female cause she didn’t know he was married. Same as you.
Homie. If he cheats WITH you he will cheat on you. Don’t be ignorant
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What a useless read.
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Why not end the marriage and then sign up for dating websites?? Sounds like casual is his way to go and he’s probably a master manipulator which is probably why his wife is losing her shit… Run. Run fast. Lol
Be friends. Whether you two become a couple in the future or not, you two are linked for life through the new baby. Maybe he realized he messed up and he will be perfect to you, maybe he just needed an out and will do the same to you. ONLY he will know this. But you two now have a child on the way, you two need to at the very least be amicable towards each other for the sake of your child.
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Girl wash your hands, you are going to get nothing but heartache. I been there. I was cheated on and I forgave him only for him to do it again. And we had a child together.
Have the baby. Stay friends but with no benefits and wait for the FAMILY man u want. It is not him tho. U don’t have to hate him. Just hate the situation. Love the baby and move on in life. If you play with fire youre gonna get burned. Chalk this up as a learning experience & move on before anything else escalates. Ur brain and heart work separately. And sometimes against each other. If you are here asking for advice, that means u know what u WANT to do probably ISNT right and u are seeking validation from any source to convince yourself what u WANT to happen, is the right choice. Fight that erge. He is not the one for you. If they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you. He can still be a good father to your child. Just let it be just that.
Side note…don’t worry about what ppl with think. Ive learned if they ain’t doing the 3 Fs for u, then they are irrelevant… (F)eeding (F)ucking (F)inancing. Live a normal happy life, plus 1!
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My husband’s 1st marriage was very abusive. His wife was horrendous to him. She always belittled him in front of their friends, told him he was a worthless piece of shit, etc. I’ve read horrid messages that were saved. Now, he wasn’t perfect, he made his fair share of mistakes, but he didn’t deserve the emotional and mental abuse she put him through. Men are abused too. Let this guy work out his crap and do some serious therapy. Keep a friendship until he’s ready to move onto something more.
If his wife was that emotionally abusive he should’ve divorced her along time ago. The “staying together for the kids” excuse never made sense to me because kids pick up on a lot, if their parents can’t stand being together and constantly fight they would sense that. All that would do is teach them that a shitty marriage is normal and to not leave a toxic relationship because kids are involved. Cheating on her was fucked up no matter his excuse. That being said, people do make mistakes and we shouldn’t base a persons entire character on one mistake. So I wouldn’t say he’s a lost cause. But not knowing him very well, he could actually be a real piece of shit that could very well do the exact same thing to you down the road and make it seem likes it your fault to someone else. But whatever you decide, I would definitely wait until he’s got his shit together and you know him better.
“A nice FWB” 
Which online dating page?
A lot of these guys who have online dating pages are in committed relationships or married from what I have heard. Lol
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I’m going to get heat for this but yolo.
If they are divorced and you want to be romantically involve with him go for it. I’m hoping this end well
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When you said he was more private with his life and you gave him his space, is where you went wrong sorry. Should have known. If you are having to sneak around and can’t go to his place?! Should have been a red flag!
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That was wild from start to finish. If he cheats with you he’ll cheat on you, you know where it’s going.
He wants a place to live bc his wife is kicking him to the curb he is scum
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Regardless of how the baby was conceived tue father deserves to be in the childs life even if there was cheating.
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Juat dotn get with him.
Just co parent and don’t be so hard on the other mom you’ll probably be her in a few years sadly
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So he essentially told you he was trapped in a relationship that started out just like yours did 
yea I see a repeat in a few years, except you’ll be the one answering the door to a strange woman.
No man falls in love faster than one needing a place to live lol
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I’m still genuinely trying to understand how you went to his house and didnt see signs of children. A spouse someone might have been able to hide signs of. But with young kids there had to have been drawings and kids cups and toys and blankets. Young kids take over an entire house.
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Keep moving on with your life. Dont jump into anything. Your emotions are taking over because your pregnant and you should not make any decisions until after the baby comes. If you want to date him fine. But at his point only date him. Find your best friends to help you through your pregnancy not him. And do not let him be in the room when the baby is born. He needs to help you financially right now and that’s it. Later down the road when he is settled in his own life and you are settled in yours with a child then may, only maybe should you consider him.
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I don’t know. Keep an open mind, see where things go. People can surprise you. You never know. It sounds like he is telling the truth. Many times people cheat because they aren’t happy and don’t know how to end things. I don’t believe the once a cheater always a cheater.
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Give him a chance. If it doesn’t work move on
His divorce is something he have to work out on his own so in the mean time focus on u and baby.
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Yes you are naive. He basically told you that his wife is you but years ago. If you get together with him, I bet you that he will be telling the next chick that both you and his first wife started out at fwb and trapped him.
Yes you should wash your hands if him (at least until he his fully divorced and living in his own).
He’s a liar… he lied multiple time to you and his family… he’s already had more than a second chance.
Yes this is a lost cause unless you want to be like his wife in a couple of years.
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If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you. You’ll just never find out til the next girl knocks at your door.
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I would let him get help and just be friends nothing more until he has completely healed from that relationship… Then if you two still like each other give it a chance
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Nah men always have a sap story like that he isn’t happy he got trapped and blah blah blah it’s literally the same speech every time! Don’t fall for it… 
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I say let him get help n see where it goes after that but for now be there for the baby n be friends if something comes of it later on then go with it
Focus on being great co-parents first and foremost. Whatever happens after that so be it
Oh dear goodness…i feel like you chose to not see it.
But to the matter at hand, sounds like shes abusive. Maybe tell him to get a lawyer and when he isnt married and seeing therapy. Maybe you will give him a second chance.
But i would say dont. Just be co-parents.
This literally sounds like a drama romance novel.
Honestly questioning how authentic this is.
I will add that if this is real, chances are that since he went through such an elaborate effort to cheat that he’ll do it again.
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Loathing rhetoric from her is probably years of neglect by his actions/mindset everywhere else than where he committed too to begin with, be careful over time could be you sounds like going the distance may be an inconceivable concept for him in terms weak men can’t lead!
If you were my daughter I would tell her to clearly consider terminating. I know I’ll get a lot of heat for actually saying it outloud. You don’t deserve this. The man you chose to father your kids is the biggest and most important decision in your life with lasting consequences. Take it from me. Be very very wise. The decision you make now decides where your life will go. You deserve a 100% all in man if that’s what your giving. I would consider having a baby with him later on if things are different.
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How did he hide that children lived there? Something doesn’t add up with your story…
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And if you’re afraid of the judgement that comes with terminating than you can always pretend you miscarried. Its your life. Your body and YOUR LIFE! Make this decision based on what is best for you
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What kind of family home doesnt scream family and not single guy?
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I personally think he is a narcissist and that’s why he was able to keep a whole family hidden for months and you must have had your head in the sand because you just liked him so much.
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Sweetie he cheated on his wife w/ you!! What makes you think he won’t do it again!!
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Given the situation, do what is in your heart and don’t worry about what people think. Take it slow
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OMG oncee a cheater always one run now he told her the same thing to get to her
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What does FWB stand for lol
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If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you. He hasn’t betrayed you enough already???
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So I just wanna say something. His wife was a friend’s with benefits and then she got pregnant some how because he says they were also using protection. You said you were friends with benefits and using protection and you ended up pregnant. He said his wife did it as a trap to get married. Are you sure he didn’t tamper with the condoms before you had sex and he’s the one setting up the traps so he has to be in your life some way? That’s what it sounds like to me. Also, where was the wife and kids all the times you spent the night?
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The situation was wrong all the way around. A sexual relationship is not a game or a non emotional situation. The possibility for someone to get hurt when the other gets bored and walks away. You were both in the wrong whatever the reasons. However, life is full of second chances that work out and turn into true love and comittiment. Take time to figure this out. Dont jump in but dont run away. If he gets a divorce and you love each other your child deserves a father as well as a mother. I dont know how you feel about God but i can tell you He loves you both and He is the God of second chances. If you are willing to trust Him He can make beauty from ashes and right from wrong. Beating yourself up or condemning him wont help anything.
Why are you asking Facebook? Do u need help with prenatal care? Baby items? There are several crisis pregnancy centers in the valley that WILL HELP YOU and your precious baby!!! 
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How could you spend the nights at his house without noticing kid’s stuff laying around ?? Just curious…in my house…no mistake , you will notice kids , wife , and animals live here.
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Anyone else seeing a pattern 
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He could tell you anything! And they maybe divorcing but probably because of the affair.she probably doesn’t want him.and the abuse I am sure it was all out of hurt and anger.was it right no but I would be a raging bitch to my husband if he had an affair and that woman became pregnant especially with kids. Why didn’t he leave before? You got sold a lie. Leave run
Well, it’s up to you on what you ultimately want to do. You have several choices which includes just being strictly co-parents or becoming involved romantically. None of these decisions are permanent. You can be strictly co-parents and eventually evolve into a romantic partnership later if that’s what you decide, or you can enter into a romantic relationship now and break up in a few years and become strictly co-parents. It’s in flux and there’s nothing wrong with that. Regardless of which decision you make, life is going to change and be changing pretty consistently over until that baby no longer lives with you. What you know now, is that he loves you, he’s a proven liar, and he does have issues to work out on his own. It’s ultimately your guys’ choice to do what is best for you and I hope it all works out 
How you found him is how you will loose him. I don’t care how unhappy that man was in his relationship cheating is never justified. He could have left before sticking his thing-a-ling in you or anyone else. If you say he stayed for the kids, that’s just a BS excuse too. I’m sorry but I would not stay with that man if I were in your position. A married man is not gonna be your soulmate. He has a family and look what he did do you really think you will be the exception?
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Really? I’m sorry you might not have known about his wife and children but I find that hard to believe because you stayed at his house. You really are trying to drive being a unknowing victim to the extreme with your side of the story. I definitely understand his wife’s reaction so to say the things you said like really ! You have no idea what the hell happened only what hes saying 3 sides to every story. So the advice I’d give is cut all ties from him until you have your baby if he wants to be a dad your child let him but that’s as far as I’d consider hes a selfish liar from the sounds of your story.
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Tell him you had an abortion, ghost him. Keep the baby or not whatever. But my advice is stay away from him. Men dont marry women and have mlre children with someone they have trapped.
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It definitely sounds like he was in a abusive relationship which is maybe why he cheated. Just work on being friends with him and encourage him with his counciling at this stage it would be best to be good friends raising a kid than partners with trust issues etc. Then there is the messy divorce that is about to take place and getting the routine right for seeing his older kids so he may need a few years for that alone if you would like to be a friend with a sholder he can cry on.
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No matter what you do the child MUST have their father. Unless he’s an abuser of course. PLEASE don’t deny the child a father. What happened is not their fault.
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just follow your heart. he says he wants to go to counseling before trying to start as friends again then slowly be in a relationship with you.
I had a FWB too and luckily I’m on the BC shot and it works. and nothing happened.
so good luck on whatever you do.
I’m in basically the same situation… tried to make things work because of the pregnancy… but in the end it didn’t matter… once a cheater always a cheater
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Go to court for child support be able to support yourself and you try and find somebody who’s good for you
Sister, you getting played…HARDCORE!! WALK AWAY! You are going to put yourself through years of turmoil and heartache that’s unnecessary for you and your child.
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I would give him a chance. He sounds real.
Good luck
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I thought you wanted to concentrate on your career? So you will put the child in day care so you can still have your career? Forget the guy. He’s a total player. Liar. Cheater. Smooth talker. He knew exactly what he was doing. Run away. Keep the baby or not, lose the guy!!!
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I’m assuming you’re keeping the baby? Focus on yourself and your baby. Throw yourself into nesting and motherhood. Go to court and get child support taken care of.
Try to relax. What will be, will be.
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You should know if your the other women…
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Ummm… eeew! Obviously you either knew since you saw texts of her bashing him or you saw the result of her being cheated on. How else do you expect a wife and mother of his children to react to your adulterous ways that resulted in a child? Leave him so her children at least have an opportunity to have a father, as well as your unborn child. Sounds like he had the same sob story about her as will be the future story about you.
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How did you stay at his house and not notice a toddler and wife was there? Not to mention they all say thier wife is crazy and they were unhappy:roll_eyes: ya she probly pist off bc her husband got his side chick pregnant. Good luck with that and trying to have a happy home with him when his ex wife will be a nightmare and sorry but rightfully so. Karma what goes around comes around always.
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Idk there’s clearly a side to him and what he’s capable of that you really don’t know. Plus it’s sad he is so willing so leave those children he already has. It’s your choice. But I would not choose someone because you have an idea of a family. I know having a child is so scary and the thought of doing it alone even more so. But bringing a new person into the mix will change both of you and your relationship. Someone who’s great to have fun with doesn’t necessarily make a great partner or parent. If you want to make a go of it I would try to go to counseling together. I personally wouldn’t trust him. But I fully understand wanting a father for your baby. The relationship the two of you have has nothing to do with the relationship you both will have with your baby. And that is the one that should not suffer because that baby did not choose to come into this world. Good luck
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She is going divorce him amd take him for every dollar he has. When she is done with him he is not going to have much for you or your child. But you are a career woman so I suppose there is a chance he looked at you and saw the benefit of making this work. Be careful.
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Concentrate on u and your baby good luck 
Run girl! Far and fast
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If this was me in this situation and what I’ve been through I’d terminate everything pregnancy and relationship. 
but up to you. He sounds like a manipulative liar and of course the wife would be angry and upset…can you live with the possibility that he was with you AND her at the same time? Not knowing what he was doing with her and how he approached the relationship with you? Could you trust someone who lied to you like this?
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For the simple fact that he is claiming the relationship with his wife started out the same exact way as it did with you… and the fact that he lied that he has an ENTIRE family at home… I’d say FUCK YOU! What a slap in the face… you deserve better and so does your child. I’m sorry if that’s harsh but that’s my honest opinion. If you think he won’t do it to you, you’re dead wrong… Men are creatures of habit.
Youve came this far with him. Id give it a shot. Never kmow until u try
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Nah bruh… Thats all ill say before they start deleting comments.
You’ll never know unless you give him a chance 🤷
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I say give him a chance but take things slow. If he is willing to get help and actually gets/does it then why not try? Whatever you decide just let him at least be involved with yalls child, your child deserves that! I mean yes it was shitty he hid the fact he was married but after you told him to tell her he did. He showed you how horrible she was to him so yes he was abused. Please give this time and a chance
Wow! I feel like I just read a movie from lifetime movie network 
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There’s an old saying"once a cheater always a cheater".
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RUN… you may dodge that bullet
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Unless ur actually stupid u knew he had a girlfriend or wife. I dont believe you so
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He was on a dating site, he was looking for a relationship outside of his marriage. He isn’t a good person here. If he will do it with you he will do it to you.
I’m sure he will have some reason why he will excuse his cheating on you if you give him the chance.
His wife may be an unpleasant person but there is every chance she already knew he was cheating but didn’t have proof yet and that would explain her angry messages and bitterness toward him. Most people know on some level they are being cheated on before the truth comes out. He would have been neglecting his family and leaving all responsibility of running their household to her while playing around with you.
And how could you have stayed at his house and not realised young children lived there. It would be almost impossible to hide the fact children lived there?
Ultimately the cheating is his fault but you can’t expect his wife to be all friendly to you if she knows you were staying in her home and couldn’t work out children lived there. She would have every reason to believe you knew he had a family.
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