My daughter is about to be 3 1/2 and I need some peace of mind. My daughters behavior is starting to become irrational to the point where she wakes up at 430 am every morning. This morning my husband saw her trying to unlock the dead bolt in our house to leave. She throws chairs when she’s mad- it’s not a normal toddler tantrum. She won’t go on the potty when she knows she needs to go. I finally got the courage to call the pedi because I am at a lost. The pedi recommended a behavioral specialist and I am scared to figure out what is wrong or what why they’ll recommend. Can anyone please help me with any situation you’ve had with their kids with behavior issues? I love my daughter more than anything. She is so damn sweet and kind. I just want her to be okay at the end of the day. Any guidance if anyone would like to share to help this mom relax a little would be helpful. Thank you for reading
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am scared my daughter has a behavioral issue: Thoughts?
following. my son will be 4 in September and is so smart and friendly with others but is extremely defiant and will even result to hitting and scratching me. He’s also hit and scratched his grandma when being disciplined. I keep him in time out every time, i refuse to believe spanking is only way to get a child to listen. i’m at a loss myself…
Follow your pediatricians advice and take her in for a behavioral evaluation.
Get her to see a behavioral specialist as soon as possible. Also, put a chain lock at the top of your door so she can’t get out. She could really get hurt or lost.
You need her to have a proper evaluation to truly know what’s going on. Behavior is never the actual problem but a symptom of an underlying issue
Do what your doctor said to do
Young one, we can’t tell you exactly what to do because we don’t have all the information needed. I’ve been a behavioral specialist 1/2 my 30 year career. If your Dr. Says it’s what she needs - don’t hesitate- because with the behavior you have described will get worse. 
You asked your pediatrician and he/she gave you their recommendation. If you trust your pedi enough to ask, then take the advice. There are way too many people out there with bad advice that don’t know you or your child. Early intervention is always best.
When my girl was 4 we had to get her in anger management. Did wonders almost over night. Really big feelings in little bodies can be really hard to self regulate so having a professional help walk her thru the learning process was amazing.
She’s 11 now and absolutely a dream to be around for everyone
Good old fashion spanking on her bottom during tantrum and throwing things will stop it in its tracks not to be a frequent outburst. Yes sh is old enough. Yes at 3 1/2 she knows right from wrong.
Follow the doctor’s advice…only other thing I would recommend is a door alarm if you don’t already have one as a extra precaution to prevent her from getting out unnoticed.
Please get her that behavioral evaluation. My son started doing this later on around 5. he was diagnosed with several things over the years but just recently in the last couple years, he’s now in his early 20’s, found out he has autism. Which I suspected but they said it wasn’t. Definitely get her evaluation. It can help you solve everything and learn better ways to cope for the both of you.
The first thing you need to do is put a chain lock on any exterior doors, and battery powered alarms they are inexpensive at wal mart. Spend more time with her interacting with her instead giving her things to entertain herself.
You don’t want my advice
Put locks up top of door high enough can’t reach or hook and eyes.these were when moved in
You asked your Dr. They answered. Go get the evaluation. Nobody here can really help.
No one but a pediatrician can help you with this. But if there is something “wrong” please remember that its not wrong. Difference is ok. Your child may be different and thats ok. You both will get through the tough times. It may be a different path that you expected but if she gets a diagnosis, she’s still the same kid that she’s always been. You just have more information to help her navigate her life. So for now, take safety precautions. A lock she can’t reach, make sure all meds or anything she can get to is put away. It just needs to be more secure than average until you know what you will be navigating. But either way, you need to make sure you realize that no matter what a doctor or a behavioral specialist says, that child is still the same child. You are just getting tools to help her
Just to cover your bases… I would ask the Pediatrician to do an A1c. Those can be signs of diabetes.
We had similar behavior problems with my oldest & by 5, we had found she had a genetic type of diabetes called MODY2.
Most pediatricians won’t do an A1c unless asked.
Even if your child’s numbers come back normal, at least you’ll have ruled it out.
Sending good juju.
Oh mama I know how you feel …I went through it with my daugher. The problem is my daughter was older because she didn’t do these things at school it took my longer to get the help she needed. But when I did man did everything fall into place. She wasn’t bad at school she just couldn’t focus or sit still. But when I got her the help grades literally jumped over night. She is 12 now , we still have some issues but we are working on them. Go get the evaluation done
You need to get her to a psychiatrist and therapist nobody can really tell you
Little kids have big emotions but not the tools to express them well. If she’s sweet elsewhere & a terror at home that means you’re her safe space & she feels she can express herself with you.
A behavioral therapist should give you both some tools to head off trouble before she blows up.
Also, she may feel she has no control over her life and it’s so frustrating! Give her safe choices so she can decide things on her own and feel in charge some of the time: let her pick out her own clothes or give her some choices, pick from two choices at breakfast, pick out three books at the library, play with water guns or bubbles outside, pick the main menu item for dinner Fridays, even if it’s always pizza. Teach her vocabulary or have different emojis on a chart to help her explain what she’s feeling and why.
Let her try more things on her own with precautions: pouring her own juice from a measuring cup, buttering her own bread using a blunt knife & soft butter, jelly, or cream cheese. Have her help you with chores: rinse non-breakable dishes in the sink (use a stepstool), load and unload unbreakables from the dishwasher, push the vacuum, sweep into a dustpan, hand her dirty clothes to toss in the washer or have her unload the dryer into a laundry basket, have her fold washcloths or help match socks, pour in ingredients and stir while you’re cooking, set the table with napkins & silverware, get condiments out of the fridge, put baking cups in muffin tins to make muffins or cupcakes. Yes, it might be messy & imperfect, but this is how we learn & achieve a sense of mastery.
Give her movement and artistic opportunities to get out her frustrations and anger. Helps me to this day. Let her run free up and down the sidewalk, or up and down stairs to exhaust her, take her to playgrounds, go on walks/runs/hikes with her, put her in a creative movement class or put on head-banger music & dance it out. Let her color, paint, dig in the dirt, etc.
Do calming techniques like yoga, tai chi, chanting, meditation designed for kids. See what you can find on You Tube, DVDs, recreation center classes, labyrinth walks or see what different religious institutions offer. Some Unitarian churches offer peace camps. Bonus is it’s good for you too!
We all need an outlet. Make sure she has other trusted people to talk to when she doesn’t want to talk to her parents: grandma/grandpa, aunt/uncle, a kind neighbor, a friend’s parents, her little friends, a teacher or school counselor.
Good job caring about your girl & getting the help you both need. Don’t expect perfection from anyone, but I wish you both luck and much success. 
My son was exactly like that, began when he was about 2. Took him to the pediatrician who referred us to a behavioral psychiatrist. My son was diagnosed ADHD, OCD, ODD and Bipolar at 4 yrs old. Now he is one of the most well behaved, sweetest 7 yr Olds I know!
Definitely get the evaluation. In our experience my son was already in school so the evaluation included paperwork going to the teacher, his dad (we are divorced), and myself along with several visits to a child psychologist. From there the psychologist took all the paperwork and consulted w the pediatrician then we were given a diagnosis. This was no quick process and took several months. Hope this helps and don’t be scared Mama…you’ve got this and can handle it. You’ve got to know what’s going on so you can be her advocate and help her.
Could be ADHD/autism , alot of things. Try a developmental pediatrician to help as well.
Time to take control and be a strict parent…cause if she is out of control now…just wait the fun has just begun
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Sound like pretty normal 3 1/2 old behavior to me.
You need to put your foot down. Find what discipline works for her. Better get ahold of it now. I mean you can talk to your doctor too. I personally don’t believe all kids that act out need to be in medication some just need discipline. Before any one jumps on I said not ALL kids!!!
Sounds like she might be autistic. Door alarms are cheap, we used them for our gkid who was a runner. Escaped every chance they got. There are great services that will teach her how to cope and you too.
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You didn’t shut her down when she was testing boundaries
My son has autism, he’s 3 and doesn’t do any of this so I highly doubt that’s it. He does hit his head on floors/walls, has no fear of getting hurt, but he listens pretty well for his age. He knows that no means no. So I’d say it’s time for some discipline momma.
Sounds normal to me lol
I’m all for diagnosing kids early, but some things are just normal toddler behavior. Some kids are more resistant against discipline and some aren’t. Some take a little longer. My oldest is a dream, but man her sister is something demonic sometimes 
Doesn’t hurt to check, but not everything is a major behavioral disorder.
Sounds like toddler tantrums to me. Each kid is different. My oldest was a difficult child…but make sure you discipline and are firm. If you don’t stop it now, it will inevitably get worse.
Parent child interaction therapy. Saved me as a parent! So beneficial 
See if your local mental health resource office has the program.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD after breaking several electronics, after the second tv was broke, I contacted the therapist and got him tested, he also used to unlock the top lock and we had to replace the top lock with a key one so he would not wander, he comes from a long line of special needs kids, my oldest son has autism and adhd and my youngest daughter has SPD, adhd, ODD, and autistic tendencies, their father has ADHD to this day including as a child, it’s hereditary, and spankings do not work with these types of behaviors, sticker charts and diagnosis and patience and therapy is what works
She may be used to getting what she wants with behaviors like that
Take the pedi advice. If you don’t then u are not helping her. It is better to know then not know
Sounds exactly like my son at that age. We got him evaluated and it came back that he had extreme anxiety and BPD but the BPD diagnosis would need to be evaluated later in life - turns out he doesn’t have BPD, he has Aspergers and his outbursts were because of sensory overload and not being able to cope with certain things, he needed a lot of structure in his daily life.
Once he started primary school, his behaviour improved but I also had to acknowledge his diagnosis and learn what worked best for him (eg; not pushing him to attend birthday parties, crowds and noise were too overwhelming for him). I had to pull him out of nursery school/pre-school because he couldn’t cope with the lack of structure etc. He would just stand with his hands over his ears and scream and cry.
So yeah… I agree with the others here about getting your child evaluated. There could be numerous reasons why but it’s rarely just ‘bad behaviour’.
Just want to add… My son is 14 now and the sweetest boy ever. His behaviour did a complete 180° as soon as he got the help and I learned how to deal with him and his emotions. He still struggles badly with anxiety but behaviour wise, he is fine.
Best of luck 
What happened to her parents from birth to three and half??? That’s the first question and a lot more that need to be asked???
Two of my sisters kids are in the spectrum. They are the ones who run into street, swing motions on floors in stores, would do repeat active motion bang head on wall, scream, clap excessively when excited. Didn’t speak much and positioned toys in a row. Developmental delay. try to escape front door any chance they got. Didn’t do much anger issues tho.
I would say she’s used to getting everything she wants, acts destructive to get a reaction. It’s the developments of ODD. They could get worse quick.
I have two who feel with ODD. Excessive lying and violent towards eachother and then after some time it was violent towards parents. Extreme lies that could put u in jail if not careful tho. As punishment for spending time with spouse and or other siblings. Extremely dangerous jealous they can’t turn into explosive tantrums. They got used to getting what they want and rewarded for bad behavior with treats and electronics by father. No accountability and pushes boundaries, almost territorial and victimized personalities, narcissistic but in children. It’s almost like two personalities. They can switch on and off to avoid being caught and can manage the explosive acts towards who they want to manipulate.
Both parents need to say no and mean it. Set boundaries and enforce accountability. Counseling is needed. Consistency and positive reinforcement with rewards with good behavior. It won’t work if not parent always enables poor behavior and caves.
As a mother of 6 girls. The majority is absolutely normal. The only thing that isn’t quite normal is the throwing of chairs but throwing objects is normal when mad. Not using the toilet I mean she’s 3 1/2 so it’s nit uncommon for regression sometimes. Sounds more like she is looking for positive attention but is only getting negative attention. So in other words you’re spending more time an effort on yelling at her, punishing her, and being angry or frustrated with her instead of letting go of the things that aren’t seriously dire to be upset over like the waking up at 4:30am which could be a result of how early you put her to bed. Start showing her praise for the good things and pay less attention to the bad things or what you think are bad things bc everyone’s perception of what is good or bad can vary a lot.
Your generation is so lucky to have groups like this, Google, YouTube etc. I had to go to the library and take out parenting books 
It doesn’t hurt to go to therapies, they can give you tools and strategies that can help when she goes into a tantrum or how to even prevent them.
It’s not mentioned. So I’m gonna use an example…if you spoil your child to the point that they know all they have to do. Is act out and through a fit. To get what they want. That needs to change. I’m not saying not to spoil your child. I’m saying. What you tell your child as a punishment. Needs to be followed through. Same with rewards. Your child needs to know you mean what you say. I would follow up with a behavioral specialist also. Also…if it’s possible…video your child acting out. So the doctor can see it. But don’t tell your child your recording. You might not get true actions.
So proud of all the parents that have that feeling about your children and chose to question the behaviors so the children can get earlier in their lives. No matter if it’s just a bad behavior stage or something more. You truly love your children!
It could be something it could be nothing. Seeking and needing a behavioral therapist isn’t a bad thing. They teach you how to deal and curb behaviors. How to parent better and improve the relationship with your child. Just like therepy isn’t only for people with chronic mental illnesses. It’s for every body. Take advantage of the resources they will offer. People have turned behavioral issues into an automatic diagnosis as if children were born knowing how to handle emotions.
100% see the Dr it will give i to you peace to know how to help your child.
Almost too late…spank that little butt!
Get her any and every service or evaluation at your disposal. Utilize early childhood intervention. If you feel in your gut that somethings not quite right… research. Get to the bottom of it. Your daughter will have a better, more productive life if intervention is done early and you don’t ignore the potential problem. It’s ok to insist on evaluations that come back normal. Research. Research. Research.
Start therapy now while she’s young! My daughter required behavioral therapy from kindergarten through 5th grade. It helped so much!
I was truly concerned about my daughter around that age with her anger issues. Turns out, she couldn’t see well and the only way she knew to express it was anger. I’m not saying that’s it, but getting glasses helped my daughter tremendously. She was legally blind in her right eye.
Some times i think these things on here are a test? In this day and age you have to be careful what you ask for, iam concerned why people don’t know how to decipline there kids when needed or give them rewards when just. How on earth are people confused were they raised odd? Who’s the parent and who’s the child? People have to get on fb to figure it out? Houston we have problems! no parents no pastures no clue.
Get her evaluated. You’ll regret it if you don’t
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Sounds like she is very normal with a huge lack of discipline.
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Good for you! I spank mine when they needed it,there fine adults now
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She needs punishment that works! I’m so tired of hearing people jump to …therapy, mental health issues ext… maybe she needs a good old fashion well ya know ! Like we had as little brats! It worked for us!
Dude. Let me tell you something. Those behavior specialists are paid to know what’s going on. They specialize in this type of thing. Most of them are women who just want you and your child to flourish. DO IT. BE HONEST in your responses. They are so great and helpful.
I know it can be scary. But what’s even scarier is a 14 yr old throwing chairs because mom never sought out help.
It is called discipline & setting CONSISTENT boundaries!! It’s not easy, it’s hard work & it only works when you don’t give in to their demands!! But the outcome is a well balanced, happy child & parent!!
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Time outs help and talking to them at there eye level
Kids are like that they test boundaries and they will push to see how far they can go as parents we set the boundaries
Patience is key along with tone of voice and communication
But get her checked out and no worries mom everything will be okay
Behavior specialist is a good way to go. They can help tremendously.