I am scared to lose both of the people I have feelings for...help?

I’m in a place mentally where I’m not over my ex whom I have a kid with but have strong feelings for someone else. I’m scared to loose either. My ex and I split a few months ago and I have been in a rough place since then. There’s this girl that I’ve known for a while that is amazing in every way. We finally told eachother that we have feelings for one another but both of us aren’t in a place mentally to date. Part of me feels that it will never happen with her I still have feelings for my ex and are scared to lose either one of them. What do I do? What do I say?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am scared to lose both of the people I have feelings for...help?

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Sounds like you don’t need to date anyone and need to focus on yourself until you are mentally in a place to be with anyone else. :heart:

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On behalf of all women: Heal yourself.

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Nobody wants to be the “spare.”

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You need to step back and concentrate on you first and on being the best parent you can be.

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You should be single.

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Do nothing about either of them and concentrate on healing yourself

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Truth girl… it all comes out in the end. Take time for you FIRST

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Sounds like you don’t need either one of them. If you love two people at the same time, go for the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t be in love with someone else.

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Give yourself time to heal to be whole for the next relationship first. Then once you’re healed and get to know yourself all over again you’ll know who is a better fit (if you still want either one). Never let fear drive your decision in a case like this. Impulse won’t create relationships that last and in the long run you may hurt everyone involved.

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Get your head on straight BEFORE starting something else…it’s not right to play with people,s lives???

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You stay single because someone is gonna get hurt. Your feelings are not the only ones at stake here.

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I agree with another commenter- for the sake of all and both of these women heal yourself first. Don’t do anything with either of them until you get some help and figure yourself out and what you really want. You can’t have both of them. If you really care about either of these women you will leave them be until you get yourself together

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You need to focus on yourself. Ever heard the old saying that you can’t have your cake and eat the pie too … ???

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Be alone for a bit. Sounds like you need to love you before anyone else.

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Why is your ex an ex? There must’ve been a good reason to separate

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Take time for yourself. Don’t date anyone for awhile

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Sounds to me like you’re being selfish. Pick one and knock it off

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I have 3 words for you ……… THREESOME

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Remember why they’re the EX & move on for yourself first… Take care of yourself first. Work on not wanting to be with either of them.

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You’ve already lost you ex that’s why he’s your ex… Move on with your life and heal yourself before you get involved with anyone else

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Leave them both alone. They both deserve better. Damn.

This means you take time alone.

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Be open and honest TO THEM BOTH…if you need to ‘fix’ something to get back to your former girl, then do it. If you KNOW that you’ll never get back with her, and you care for the new one in a different way, then do what makes you happy. You could be dead tomorrow. Best wishes…

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“Ya can’t ride 2 horses with one ass SugarBean!” - Sweet Home Alabama.
Seriously though, hope you find your peace.

You focus on yourself and why you feel you have to be be with someone else. If you have a child get yourself together so you can be a whole person who can focus on their needs. I would try to se a therapist too and get things out. If you were meant to be with someone you will be and it’s not like you are "losing " anything. It’s not a misplaced piece of paper. Focus on yourself and your kid.

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Maybe leave both of them alone and just do “you” for a while…never a good idea to jump from relationship to another…

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If it’s only been a few months since you and your ex split I really recommend being by yourself for a little while and working on becoming your best self. Take it from someone who rushed into another relationship too soon… I could’ve went back and worked my relationship out with my ex husband if I would’ve just taken some time to myself and we would’ve went to counseling.

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Ppl aren’t objects. You can’t put them on layaway.
Pick one.
Sounds like you need to take a step back, and maybe see where things are with your ex.
If you don’t, you’re going to have two women effed up

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Work on yourself. Don’t continue or start a relationship while you are confused about your feelings. Ex means in the past and the other girl isn’t mentally available right now anyway.

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If you’re not in a good place then you shouldn’t be jumping into a serious relationship anyways. Especially with option A, your ex who you likely have existing issues with that need to be resolved or option B, this girl who also expressed they’re not ready for a relationship.

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You need to get yourself squared up in a good mental place before you worry about what feelings you have for anyone else. Pause. Your feelings aren’t going to do anything for anyone if your not ready for a relationship other then make some friendships messy.

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Be alone. Be and Flow… not push and Go… go go… focus on now and do the next best thing… the past and future exist only in your mind… stop using now to think about what doesn’t exist. Use now to make the best now you can… all your best nows will add up to the best future… and there is nothing you can do to change the past…

Take a break " just Time to yourself "

Let them go, get some therapy and figure yourself out. Sheesh.

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Greedy asf pick one!

Youre not in a place for a relationship… case closed.

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Go for the second bc if you really loved the first it wouldn’t even be a issue! Js :upside_down_face:

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Sounds like you need time to yourself away from everyone to sort out how you feel

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You and the other woman have both voiced your not ready for a relationship with each other. Just keep being open and honest with yourself about where you are and communicate that effectively to the people involved. If your ex is truly an ex and there’s no getting back together. Therapy will help. Focus on you right now. You won’t lose either of them if you maneuver through this with grace, honesty, maturity and doing what’s best for you. Good luck sweetie! Relationships aren’t easy…it’s where we learn the most about ourselves.

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Just date em both🤷🏽‍♀️…… just kidding don’t attack mee.

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Therapy and don’t date anyone.

Let nature take its course and concentrate on the kiddo

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This is why you don’t look for another relationship until you’re over the last one…

Is this for real ? :crazy_face:

Girl you need to take some time for yourself and leave both of em alone, sheeeeesh :grimacing:

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tell them both, and hopefully they dump u becuase, cheaters never prosper

Take a break and some time for yourself. You only need one. Do you know if your ex has the same feelings as you and know about this new person in your life?

You need time alone to work on yourself, to heal to get better mentally before you have a relationship with either one of them

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You should address your problems with your therapist

Introduce them to each other and maybe they will be ok with it and have a beer together

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You leave them both alone! Sort out your unresolved issues get the hell over yourself stop bringing your issues from a previous relationship and laying that burden on someone else! What you’re actually doing is playing mind games with people
Adult the fuck up

Work on you and focus on your child before you go getting into any relationships or rekindling anything with anyone.

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Maybe focus on your child instead of running from person to person

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you need to be alone.

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You know what? Heal from your relationship. Currently just be happy with what you have this moment and things will go into place. Treat this girl as your friend and not pressure anything. She’s looking for you to be understanding :wink:

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Dude, choose your kid and yourself.

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Are you serious
Give them a brake

Somethings are just not meant to happen…

Just keep them both. If theyre real men then they will respect your decision. Is that what you were lookin for??

You gotta stop where you are. You’re going to have feelings for your ex because you have a history and a child together. But there are reasons she’s your ex. You have to heal up from that before you move on with someone else. If you don’t you’re going to hurt the new person by being obsessed with the previous one. You said you were afraid of losing your ex. That means you haven’t let go yet. You have to let go before you get involved with the new lady. Whatever your feelings are with the new lady, you can’t swing from lady to lady like Tarzan from vine to vine, not letting go of one before grabbing another. That’s how people get hurt. Co-parent your child with your ex. But if you want this new lady, you’ll have to leave it at that. Or if you want to get your ex back, leave the new lady alone and figure out what went wrong with your relationship, fix it, and hope she wants to get back together.

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You’re so focused on indulging your codependency you’ve totally missed the fact that you’re ignoring your life :rofl:

Surround you Life to Jesus Christ as your Savior and seek Him with all your heart!!!

Just be alone and Be with ur child

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Focus on your kid and yourself!

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When in doubt do nothing.
Also, focus on your marriage if that’s
What needs work and stay away from warm
Fuzzies.
Warm fuzzies are just a fantasy

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The child first always

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Scared to loose either of them? U do not know what u want yet, better decide b4 u loose both of them

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Be Alone and put all that energy into your child

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stay alone for awhile. sounds like you need to figure yourself out 1st… if either one is meant for you, it will happen. or maybe someone even better is waiting down the road & you’re so caught up in ur own way that u will completely miss the opportunity. be alone, figure u out 1st…concentrate on being the best dad…trust the process…

Don’t do anything, give it time. The heart will let you know when it’s ready. In the mean time concentrate on you ! Sounds like you have some growing up to do. (Not meaning to be mean ) Just that you need to stop and smell the roses as they say. There is no hurry, love will come when you least expect it. Until then just sit back and learn who you are.

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You’re not ready to commit to anyone. I’ve been there. Just work on yourself and your child. It’s ok to date, but nothing serious. You’ll know when you’re ready to commit to someone new.

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Hmmm heard the saying cant have your cake and eat it too? can’t have both make up your mind to commit to one or walk away from both

You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

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U can’t have ur cake and eat it too …its quite simple actually

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You shouldn’t move forward with anyone until you get yourself straight. Don’t be acting out your issues on these unsuspecting people.

If you were honest and told the new girl you still had feelings for the other…your “problem” would take care of itself.

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Just take your time and go slow. You don’t have to jump into anything right away. Especially because she doesn’t feel ready mentally to get into anything at the moment
. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel in a couple of months. Then ask the woman out and go on a date. Just take your time.

The 2nd one. Keep. Disregard the ex

Try to make it work between you and your ex, especially since y’all have a kid, see if y’all can do it not only for yourselves but your kid as well!

What’s up with all these men posting. This is a mamas group.