I am sick of my husband not doing things around the house: Thoughts?

stop doing everything!! sounds like choir list needs to be created for everyone!!

People will do what they can get away with. Tell him what you expect and if he can’t change then you’ll be doing the same thing without the resentment!

Give him an ultimatum, say that either he helps you more around the house or it’s not going to work between you two anymore. I had to do something similar with my husband about nerve pills that he was getting and passing out on and making a fool out of himself and embarrassing our whole family. Happy to say it worked and we have absolutely the best relationship anyone could ask for

Boycott! Or like someone else said, hire a cleaner. Tutor or whatever that will pick up a bit of the slack. Not sure if you share banking, but if you do, take those funds from that account. Sometimes they need to see it from a financial perspective. I think every woman has this issue IMO. And depends on your personality. Are you a “ it’s not done correctly unless you do it” that’s my problem and I put so much extra stress on myself because of it.

I think that’s enough to make me not wanna be in a relationship period . Married or not , my sister has the same problem. It’s not fair to be in a home with a lazy ass man that dont wanna do nothing but be lazy. Especially when both parents work. It sucks. I hope it gets better for you.

2 Likes

sit down and have a talk with hin about it all anf lay it all out. Tell him either he needs to start changing or you will leave

Maybe you’re better as friends?

Maybe try and find a different way to tall to him about it. My man used to feel like i was calling him a pos when I was trying to ask for help. I mean if he doesn’t help,whats the point of having him around?

2 Likes

Stop all those things, stop cleaning for him, stop cooking for him, stop doing his washing for him, then he’ll soon realise how much you do! I do this with my partner when he doesn’t listen when I try and express my thoughts or just doesn’t help at all. He soon realises it won’t get done otherwise :joy:

3 Likes

Make sure he’s not dealing with depression. It’s possible he’s dealing with some mental issues and if he’s willing to deal with them, there could be hope for you guys. If he’s not willing to deal with it and try to make changes for his family, I would move on.

3 Likes

I am going thru the same thing. I am a SAHM so he thinks that he doesn’t have to help on the weekends or evenings with our son. I am on disability just had major neck surgery and he thinks i am suppose to bounce back . Maybe you should go stay with Family for a while and je will see how it is to be alone. Give him a choice and if he doesn’t change you know he DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK :purple_heart::purple_heart:

2 Likes

Therapy! Say I’m going to leave you if we do not go to therapy, couple and individual.

Sounds like you got a plan…Maybe follow through on it. See if it opens his eyes.

2 Likes

You sure he is not depressed?

Well there could possibly be something wrong men go through depression and is over looked since he works for himself maybe is company is falling apart, try talking or writing him a letter since he gets aggressive ask him what’s bothering him what can you do to help and motivate I know your frustrated, but if you love him and he loves you seek help outside if you can’t resolve at home! Best wishes God bless you and your family!

2 Likes

I’ve been with my spouse for 11 years now…he was the same way for so many years…keep pushing for a change! I was lucky enough for my man to come around and be the man we all knew he could be!

1 Like

Sounds like depression, have him see his dr . Or a therapist

Leave wont get any better

2 Likes

You have taught him how to treat you. Retrain an fast

4 Likes

I quit doing my husband’s laundry when he was like that. Not anymore.

He can change if he wants to… Took my husband awhile ( been married almos39 years ) but hes finally getting better. It took alot of getting mad and splitting up and fights but he decided his family was worth cha ging for

Welcome to my life.
And you know who’s fault it is??
Yours and mine.
We have been way to accommodating to our overgrown man-children and need to stop doing so much for them.
They need to lift their game! We are not their mothers.

4 Likes

My opinion have a very direct conversation
I need xyz to happen to continue this relationship
You are not acting like a partner we should be a team
Raising a family together we need to be communicating and cooperating together or I dont need you if I have to do it all myself at least then I dont have the fight!
Good luck, try to have the conversation…then accept you did make the effort

4 Likes

Does seem like he’s motivated to change. Motivate him by leaving.

1 Like

Don’t be surprised it’s not like he just became lazy over night you just didn’t look

Couples counciling, trial seperation… explain the seriousness of this to him, and that if he isnt interested in changing then your gone.

2 Likes

He’s selfish!! Leave him!! You will find better!!

I deal with this daily the jealousy of not being able to b lazy too or doing it all alone and then. Being told he works as hard as me it will never change period

1 Like

He could be depression since he is not working alot so he could feel like his a fail as a husband and a dad but then again he could just be lazy and be one of those men that let the women do everything. I would talk maybe yall go on a date and talk if you think that will start a fight maybe get some help… I would try and work it out before leaving if this is your first time trying to make it work and over everything. Try if not work then leave. You are doing everything on your own anyways its wont be any different… good luck.

3 Likes

He definitely has sleep depression. Many men that work from home can experience isolation because they don’t get to interact with other adults during the day (one on one) and they don’t leave the house. I would recommend trying to talk to him gently about perhaps looking for a job and maybe a list of things you need done each day so he feels he has a purpose. If he is not willing to talk about these things with you then definitely the first step is councilling. If he is not open to this then you know what the obvious answer is. Marriage is all about teamwork and communication. Good luck!

2 Likes

I think counselling would solve this problem. Having kids is stressful and by the sound of it the connection is still present, counselling will help strengthen your marriage and work through these current issues.

Why would you put up with this? My first husband was like this. It only got worse.

2 Likes

I left. I couldn’t take it, I was so miserable

1 Like

If you know he has a slow day, try leaving a list. Men are better with lists, then listening. Then you don’t have to nag. And don’t forget his expectations are not your expectations. Just keep it short and simple And see how it works for you

1 Like

Just stop cleaning lol see how long it takes him to realize you can’t do it all

1 Like

I delt with a man for 12 years of my life (married for 4 of those years).
Granted, I left mainly because of narsisstic abuse which turned physical during the last 2 months i was trying to leave him, but after finally leaving, and finally taking a step back to examine the relationship as a whole, i realized that his lazy behaviour (he didnt work the last 3years we were together, didnt do anything around the house, help with our 3 kids was minimal at best, and I worked 6 days a week), i realized that it came down to a generalized lack of respect for me.
Without respect, there’s literally nothing. And respect is not something you can force out of anyone.
You can try to play the game of pretending to leave him to “teach him a lesson”, but when you go back and the honeymoon phase is over again after 2 or 3 months, dont expect him to stick to the promises he made to get you back, because the respect is just not there.

You can try it though, if you feel that you need confirmation before taking the big step of actually leaving for good. Maybe a miracle will happen and he will suddenly regain respect for you… But dont bank on it for the longterm.

Know your worth, know what you deserve, know what you wont tolerate, and stand by your word.

We are not rehab centers for poorly-raised men.

2 Likes

Bring up marriage counseling. If he doesn’t wanna do that, go stay with family for awhile. Don’t tell him how long you’ll be gone because than he’ll know “oh, shes coming back in a week or two or whatever, I don’t care” just leave and make the leave worth it. You cant just leave for a couple of hours or a day, you need to make it sound like theres a chance you may not come back at all. People don’t change over night, some people don’t change at all. Be a role model for your daughter and show her that she shouldn’t settle for a lazy man.

Good luck and enjoy that vacation without the pig :kissing_heart:

1 Like

Sweetheart make let him make his own dinner do his own laundry take the battery out of a remote hide the beer sell the weed but most of all make sure he wipes his own ass

1 Like

Maybe you need to darl… It sounds like he already has! (Given up and doesn’t care)…if he isn’t considering what you’ve tryed to explain and talk to him about, these things and that way u r feeling. I really hope it all works out for what’s best for you and your daughter :heart::kiss:
Because thar is all so unfair on you and her.

Unfortunately we create our own Monsters! Stop everything if he can not help . Good Luck

I’ve been with my husband 11 years, he was like this to start off with… not as bad but he’s getting there :laughing: I wouldn’t leave him for something as trivial as this.
Maybe I’m old school though because everyone on these pages tell you to leave your husband over the smallest things. I love my husband and we will always work on our relationship instead of just giving up.

He sounds clinically depressed

Could be depressed or just an asshole.

I had same situation and left

If he wants to be taken care of so much, drop him back at his mothers house. He must be confused as to what a wife is - hes your partner, not your child.