I am starting to resent my parents: Advice?

You will have to continue to make up the difference with ur child. You can not change how a person treat’s you & your’s. You can only except it as their loss & let it go. Favoritism is in every family.

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I have a very similar situation, my kids are the 1st 4 grandchildren then my youngest sister had a baby he is now 7 an the 1st 4 my kids especially my youngest, are forgotten

I’m so sorry ur going through this. Been there, with in-laws though. Let ur parents know how u feel. If things don’t change, then u do what u need to do for u and ur children. Perhaps giving ur parents a taste of their own medicine is exactly what the doctor ordered. Ignore them for awhile. Either they’ll come around or they won’t. Let them know it’s extremely hurtful to not only u, but especially ur children. Hopefully they will change their tune. And if not, well u have every right to keep ur distance.

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Pack your kid up and go have fun with her.

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Ain’t no body got time for that. Take your child where they are wanted. Once you feel avoided by someone, never disturb them again. Stop begging… your child knows what’s going on.

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Sounds like she’s more lightening their load off if they the 9 between them and you have the 1.

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Take your kids out on trips that are more fun, and show them who’s really missing out :blush:

My mother in law has always been this way with my kids. They are all grown now though… and could care less ! So don’t worry like I did…that it will cause some kind of life long trauma !

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What you need to do it cut off all communication with ur folks. Dont answer calls or take them over at all. Do this for a few weeks. When you finally do talk let them know you didn’t see the point since they always leave ur kids out. Ur gonna discover either 2 things. 1 they make more of an effort. Or 2 they didn’t seem to notice or care. Unfortunately some parents have favorite children amd their grandkids end up being the secondary favorites. You might learn you need to cut off ties all together unless you feel like including holidays as an exception.

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My mom has 15+ grandkids but only gives my sisters 4 kids attention and my sister left the picture herself 10+ years ago! The special crap shows true colors and your kid isn’t missing out on someone that isn’t missing them💯

Wait wait wait honestly does you child have behavioral issues? Are the afraid of loosing your child because he/she dosent listen? Are they elderly air have health issues and cannot chase your child ??? Don’t be so quick to blame the grandparents

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They should keep a journal of the dates, places and the childs name. This way evey kid gets to go and it is fair to each child. Also teaches them about taking turns.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am starting to resent my parents: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

have your kids talk to grandparents and ask them to take them if your kids want to go.

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Sounds like jealousy but I say they are the ones missing out on their grandchildren by you. Maybe ask the kids if it makes them feel different or ask your parents whats the deal

Take your kids places yourself. The only actions you can control are your own. Your children will see how they are as they get older.

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Cut them off.thats just going to get worse.

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Its the same with my kid & the dead beat Grands. You can’t make someone pay attention to your kids if they choice not too. Just take her to special places yourself.

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My inlaws were similar. One Xmas they gave each others kids new computers and televisions. They gave my son a toy from the dollar store. Granted, we don’t have the kind of income they do, but felt it really rude to give each others kids very expensive gifts in front of our son. And I spent more than they did on my son, on each of their kids. I did use it as a teaching moment and told my son to still say thank you and gifts are gifts. But we never attend Xmas with his family on time any more. We go late so if they again are giving each other expensive gifts we are late enough they done got them. Stay maybe an hour and leave. Make your own family of friends and people who care about you. All you can do. You cannot control other peoples behavior, but you can minimize its impact on your and yours.

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Cut. Them. Out.

I did it, best thing ever.

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Do you speak up??
Nothing worse than being left out

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do they have 2 sets of grandparents

Sometimes it can have to do with how well certain children behave? I feel like I am missing a lot of pertinent information here

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I don’t even try with my parents honestly.

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Confront them. If it doesn’t change then cut them out

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To the insensitive people saying “jealous” you really need shut up! She’s hurting for her child’s sake. Have some compassion!
& As for the momma…Take your kids to do all the cool things. Don’t try to force anyone to be apart of your kids lives. They will regret it down the road, not you. If you’ve had a recent conversation about how it bothers you and they chose to do nothing about it it’s best to protect yours and your child’s energy and do your own thing.

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If someone makes you feel like you’re bothering them, don’t ever bother them again. They obviously don’t want to see your kids, so don’t beg them for attention and definitely don’t beg them to love your children. Grandparents definitely have favorites. Let them be and cut them off. Kids know when they’re not wanted so don’t force them on people.

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My mom does the same with my sisters kids. She has 4 and does anything and everything for them and still doing to this day and they are all over the age of 16. My 3 boys dont have anything to do with her because she would literally drive by and wave at my oldest son (now 24) on the way to see my sisters kids. My kids have never spent the night with her but my sisters kids was always there and she even has custody of the 17 yr old. My mom says its because I dont need her help and can take care of my kids and doesn’t see what she has done all these years was wrong. My sister is 41 and is a disaster and my mom enables it. Now my kids dont want nothing to do with her and its her own fault. The kids will see how different they are treated and my mom and me dont have a relationship because of it and frankly it’s better that way without all the drama. Good luck

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Girl. Already there best thing to do is move on there lose…

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I’d stop talking to them all.

Some people don’t see where they’re going wrong. You may have to write it down. Date, time, and who went with them. Save it for 2-3 months and say I’m not trying to start problems but this is who you have taken where and when. Spelling it out on paper they may realize that they really are favoring the others

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Yeah I’d definitely be pissed

You do not subject your kids to this. It is damaging. If she showing favoritism and refuses to listen to you and be fair then you must quit bringing your kids around her. Yes you can’t control her but you can control who your kids are around.

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I’m actually in the same situation. My real dad remarried and my sister’s kids get all the attention. I dont even talk to my real dad anymore due to this.

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My mother treats kids that aren’t even hers before she would take out my girls. I’m used to it now. So we do the fun things that grandma would do.

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Cut them off. I was the relative in California and I always found out everything through Facebook and nobody even speaks to me. It really sucks and hurts but nobody cares.

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((HUGS)) it is a waste of time to try to get people to understand that. My parents, sister, and inlaws treat my kids like chores. I’m sorry you have to go through this

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My parents do this as well. My brother’s kids practically live at their house and my kids see them two or three times a year. They take my brother’s kids on ‘special trips’ to Great Wolf Lodge and things that are “their traditions” every year and my kids are NOT included. It sucks.

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Cut them off and watch how mfs act!!! Just did it with my dad and his wife… she always tried to cut us out the pic!! Now she got her wish because he never did anything to try and stop it!!!

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Favoritism my mom used to do it all the time, but she never saw it!!

I had this problem confronted them more than once, didn’t cut em out. I know that’s harsh but make your own memories if you do they won’t even notice they were over looked good luck to you

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My kids have never been anywhere with mine. I have 3 aged 18,15,6. NEVER took any of them anywhere. Just know, they are the one missing out on their Grandchildren growing up.

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Walk away! They are favoring other grandchildren. Not worth the bs

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Girl I’m in the same boat. It’s frustrating! Just make memories with them and don’t let it stress you out. That’s all it’ll do anyways

Best idea: Stop bringing it up & stop contacting them. When they call & ask just tell them that your returning their behavior. That your kids feel left out & it’s not fair they always are. You can’t do anything beyond that. Focus on your kids & to be honest if it’s hurting them that bad then you have a judgement call to make on what’s more important. Having your parents around every now & then or your kids mental well being. It sucks but your babies come first.

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Honestly, if rhey are of age of knowing let it be there choice. Just explain to them that everyone has different ways of doing stuff. Or I’d its actually hurting your kids talk to her give her ultimatim she don’t follow through bail. Or doing things to accommodate the children from seeing pain when they are 14, 15 age of making decisions leave it to them

I would simply stop contacting them and begging them to give my kids attention, why would you want them in your childs life? or why force them to do something they obviously don’t want to do? life is simple, we just make it complicated, someone doesn’t want you in their life? Ok, then you remove yourself from it, you can make your kids plenty happy on your own :blush:

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I totally get it. I’m in a similar situation. It’s not my responsibility to make sure they have a relationship with my kids. The door is open but they choose not to use it. It sucks and it hurts to see them left out of things and forgotten about. Don’t let your children suffer it’s not worth it no matter who they are.

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I have lived a situation where they (in-laws) could not see passed me as the mother of their granddaughter to treat her equally. Despite them treating my son well, it came down to my daughter reminding them of me. They lost out in the long run. My kids are in their late 20’s with kids of their own and they have only met my daughters child once and my sons child not at all. It’s hard but it’s their issue not yours and you can only ask them to change so many times. Maybe sit down and discuss with them one last time otherwise accept it is what it is and give your kids the best life you can regardless of them. You have no control over their decisions.

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I am a grandmother to 25 grandchildren, they range in ages almost 19 to 3 months. We just had our first 2 graduate from high school, we gave each the same amount. We didn’t attend either graduation but watched it on live stream.
everything is not always going to be fair. We have some that live in another state, some that doesn’t come around much and some across the street. I do more for my grandchildren across the street than I do for the other ones. We give the same amount to each for birthdays and Christmas. The ones across the street are my daughter’s children… I was there when each was born except for the last 3 thanks to Covid, and one coming super fast. Her oldest is 18 her youngest is 3 months. I see them every day! My stepdaughters mom also does more for her children. The other 3 children are boys, their in-laws do more than we do for them, but they don’t have 25 grandchildren
My advice is put your big girl panties on and stop being a baby. I have some grandchildren that I seriously couldn’t handle because they weren’t corrected by their parents. I have many teenagers as well… they just eat and sleep. I try my best to keep everything fair as possible. If necessary talk to your mother, I have taken my grandchildren on cruises, to Florida theme parks, but I will say I have a favorite…… it’s always the youngest one, because they don’t want anything. I do have one grandson that we have raised from birth, it was an issue once but we are his acting parents as well as his grandparents. He does everything I do, after we spoke our peace about him , it was no longer is an issue. And yes he gets more than any of them. We provided the best we could afford for our five children, and our grandson has no less. Just now we can afford more. I go a week every year to Florida to see my Florida grandchildren and spend both money and time with them. I was there a few weeks ago, my grandson was there as well. He’s my travel partner

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Please for the love of God, don’t let your child know this is happening.Grandparents play an important role in a child’s life.Mine had a nana but my daddy past when my daughter was 2yrs and they were best friends and she doesn’t even remember him.Your child can’t miss out on what they never had.Dont tell them.Move on get a best friend or someone you trust too babysit.Stop asking your parents and be silent. They will realise one day what they missed.

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I would cut ties. You’re funny with my kids, you’re funny with me. Toodles

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Wrong…In every sense of the word.

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I hate to be the one to say this… but it might be behavior issues.
If they are targeting your child, maybe they find her more challenging or not as easy.
Maybe…

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I’m sorry that you are going through this. As parents, nothing hurts more than someone mistreating or leaving out our children. I’d try to just take my kid places myself. Your child probably doesn’t notice at this age. The way I see it is I never want my kids to feel unwanted and if you push the issue they may take your child but not treat her well or make her feel wanted. She only needs you❣️ Sending positive vibes and your way.

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So glad I’m an only child. Although, my dad used to go to the beach with my uncle’s family (married dad’s sister) and their kids/grandkids, while me and mine sat at home. But it is what it is and I just made sure mine didn’t feel the leaving them out.

Cut them off for awhile. Don’t bring your kids to visit, you don’t visit or call. Find someone else if you need a sitter. Wait and see how long it takes for them to reach out.

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It’s sad for the kids. Kids notice when other kids take priority over them. I agree, cut your parents off completly for a while.

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Honestly you can’t make them see it if they don’t want to. As upsetting as it is… just do you and enjoy the time with your child.

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Mine never spent time with grand parents.

I completely understand. My parents favor my oldest and my younger 3 feel like they don’t even exist to them. Its so sad. My oldest also has her dad’s parents that see her. My younger 3 have just me. That’s it. They don’t understand why… but for the sake of family I usually just keep my mouth shut. It’s so hard mentally. I don’t have advice, but I wish you luck.

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Myself and my two boys get treated the same way

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It hurts when grandparents favor one set of kids over another. Word of advice? Just take care of your kids, and let the grandparents do their thing. Just hope they understand why your kids don’t want to visit them in the nursing home when they never wanted time with them before.

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For sure they know what they are doing speak your truth too both of them .

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They know what they are doing and who knows the reason. We are going through the same… It’s disheartening

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I experience this, and when it was just my kids it definitely wasn’t a behavioral problem. Once my step children came along it was the same and/or worse. My biological kids are girls and my sons are technically step children. I don’t expect them to accept them as I do, but my brother has a step child and you wouldn’t even know. They will put on a Facebook front but in reality we’re not worthy. Although it can be hurtful at times I forgive them, but we won’t try to fit in with their ignorance either. Don’t waste your time or your feelings on people that don’t want you in their life. Like anyone else in the world, if they are truly sincere they will make the effort. All we ever wanted was a little compassion. We do our own holidays and vacations because I would rather teach all of my children to be true to themselves and beliefs, rather than expect pity from the so called family that hurts them.

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Just… Enjoy your kids and forget them. That’s what we do. Does it still hurt? Sometimes, yes. But a lot less than having any expectations

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They just aren’t into you and your family. Take a step back from them, favoritism isn’t heathy.

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Sometimes parents look out for those that feel they need to be looked out for more. Maybe you are well off compared to the others… maybe you spend time with your kids more… maybe they feel the other kid’s need more attention?

Honey, let it go. You can’t control other people or their actions. You just love your babies and let your parents spend as much or as little time as they want. They are the ones losing out.

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Ten grandkids is a lot to try to split time up equally. Do the other children live closer? Are they watching them for the summer? Is your child well behave? We try to get one grandkid at a time so we can focus on one. But the oldest will call us and ask to come over on his own on the weekends.

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If by their time in life they havent learned how fleeting childhood is, there isnt much you can do, please dont let your children sense any resentment from you about the situation or they may experience disfavored child status, it’s one of the top 5 forms of child abuse behind sexual, physical, verbal, and abandonment, if you act as if nothings wrong they will flourish and thrive without their grandparents getting in on the action

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Yep. But no other kids involved. No one ever takes all the kids or even some of them over night regularly… sucks

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Get over it now or you’ll be talking about til your 50’s

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I have one child everyone side steps to take and it’s really upsetting. 2 of my kids everyone wants and not so much the other 2. I refuse to send any of my kids, even one of them, if the other wouldn’t be considered. I’ve had to step on and say no. In your case I would stop letting child go and make those times so exciting that they don’t miss it. It’s sad yes but your child doesn’t have to feel sad if you make up the difference

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Their loss. Just love on them a little extra :heart:

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Uhm how well does she listen🤷🏻‍♀️

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First off how do the other kids act. Do they behave, manners, no temper tantrum’s? How does your children behave? In other words do they play nice with others. You may need to have a sit down with your parents and your children and see what happens. Or make a family outing with you hubby and children as well as grandparents and see how things go.

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Take a look at all the grand kids. Do they all have 2 parent households. Are some of the kids more needy then others. Grandparents are often more likely to spend more time with the neediest grandkids.

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Screw them. When grandma and grandpa die they’ll be like :woman_shrugging:t4:. Can’t miss someone they don’t know and who doesn’t love them. I have never forced people to have relationships with my kids. My kids deserve someone who wants them. Be strong and ghost them.

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Stop being around say nothing kids will feel bad find people who care and love happy

She does not like your kids. I wouldn’t force it… she’s prob not nice to them when she does take them. This is a lesson on how life isn’t fair. Like Michelle Obama says… go higher

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Believe me it is their loss! You spend the quality time with your child an find people who do want to be in your child’s life…don’t force them to be if they don’t want too…it won’t be healthy for your child! They will be the ones losing out!

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Im a grandma the best job in the world i have no idea why this grandma is doing this but let her know in her later years the ones she leaves out wont even bother with her when she needs them and more then likely the spoilt arse ones wont bother either cause they can see her nasty ways cut contact now save your children from being hurt by a nasty one eyed grandma

Communication is key . Good healthy communication not the toxic kind

Sounds more like hurt.

My brother and sister both have children I do not. I was blessed with a man that has custody of all 4 of his. That being said. My kids dont get what the others get. But that is why we no longer do group holiday’s with family. We instead ask for a night where time is spent and a meal is served. We teach our kids the value of holidays and gatherings are for being together not about gifts. Our youngest when she was 4 decided it was best to say to (his mother) where’s the rest? Didnt fly with me at all. His mother said o honey I’m sorry that’s all there is but I’ll bring you more next time I see you. Again what a joke. I told our daughter NO YOUR GRANDPARENTS DO NOT NEED TO GIVE U SOMETHING EVERY TIME THEY SEE YOU!! Be thankful that you get to spend time with them at all. She got mad and I sent her to her room. Then I told her no more gifts from them for any reason until she can learn to be grateful. I called his mother and told her this. She was shocked that I told her no more gifts at all for any of the kids. Family is the gift. That being said all 4 of ours cant wait to visit and spend time together. They have learned valuable lessons. Also we dont want everyone to take them anywhere and dote on them and spoil them because they will be rotten. Instead we take them ourselves even if it’s to do something free. Walk in a new park. To a new fishing spot, to a lake, to a free zoo, or to the beach for the day. Kids dont need gifts and spoiling trips with family to feel loved. It’s time they want. Maybe you should just invite the grandparents over for a meal and a few hours.

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You can’t change them. Either they will come around or never. Children feel how they are treated regardless of the age.

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Maybe because you take good care of your daughter, and she don’t want for anything. You give her all she needs. I know it sucks, but think of it that way. Dont resent your parents you only get one set. I lost mine when I was 16.

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I’m a grandparent and if I couldnt include all of my grandchildren on an outing then I would make dam sure I took the ones that I didn’t before on an outing with me and them…sometimes they may be doing things that younger children arent able to do…then its understandable… maybe they all just cant get along again understandable…but…your children should not under any circumstance feel like they are being left out or feel they arent loved by the grandparents…just saying if it was me…I would take them and do something with just them only to make them feel special and loved to…

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Family be so deep in denial that they will try to make you think you are crazy. Just pray on it and stop going around them. When they decide to wonder where you at, let them know your family had to remove the toxicity away from them.

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Chelsey Hernandez I feel your pain. I have 3 kid. But my mom kept taking my older 2. She would always leave my youngest out of everything. At first it was because she was young and then she doesn’t behave. And I understand because my youngest was small and has a strong attitude. But then she grew out of it and would behave. But my mom still wouldn’t include her and she started to notice and would cry and say “grandma doesn’t like me”… one time she wanted to keep them for a sleep over and she said she would keep them all. Last minute she didn’t want to keep the youngest and I asked straight up “why no? You don’t like her?” And she answered just as bluntly and I asked “the truth is that I don’t” and that just broke my heart. I have not let her keep them since then. I might be harsh but they are her only grandkids and she keeps breaking her heart. She is only 5 years old. Personally I have been feeling much better with out thinking of that. Because it’s not an option anymore so I don’t worry about my child’s feelings.

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You have total control over the situation. Maybe don’t send her on the next couple trips

Open Communication
Not the type your Mom wants to hear
The type were you tell them how you are confused why they have never been with your children
Believe me if I had to do a do over I would give myself this advice

Meh I wouldnt force my children on anyone who didn’t have the time for them. Resent your parents. Take your daughter places and give her the best life you can.

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I’ve actually cut my parents off, a major part is because they’ve never spent quality time with my kids. They’ve literally never done anything with my kids. It’s really hurtful when you see all the energy going everywhere else, except the children.

My kids are now at the age where they notice it. And I’ve had to explain that it’s not what healthy families do. I don’t want them becoming adults and thinking that they should expect to be treated that way.

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I’ve been through the same thing but between my 3 kids, with my ex’s family. Only the oldest got to go. Said his younger brother, which is only 11 months younger, was “too young”. As they got older it didn’t matter so I began to say that if his little brother can’t go then he cannot go period. So I can understand why you would resent them.

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How does your kid behave with your parents? Can it be she gets out of hand & is hard to handle? That could be what they mean by “she’s too young”. Not chronical age but behavior. Grandparents raised their kids. They don’t want to deal with disciplining a child who can’t behave.

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I would say that if you gently question your daughter about what her outing with her grandparent was like, you may find some clues. Intuitively I feel that there may be some emotional block between you and your parent that she is transferring onto your child, or that there is something in your parenting that she really disapproves of.

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How I can so relate…

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