I am the only one who cleans the entire house: Advice?

I’m a stay at home mom now. I lost my job and quit school due to depression and I was burnt out. So I stay at home. I have a boyfriend who lives with me and my 6 year old daughter. I need some advice on what to do. So I know since I’m a stay at home, I’m supposed to do most chores. But the problem is, I’m the ONLY one who does anything. Literally I do everything. Any thing you can think of, I DO. I’ve tried to talk to my daughter & boyfriend about helping but they won’t help me. They leave their trash, clothes, food EVERYWHERE. They will not pick up, even if I ask them. It doesn’t get done until I do it. I’m so exhausted all the time from cleaning and picking up after them. I can’t do anything I want because I’m busy taking care of them and cleaning their mess. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please give me any advice on what to do. I’m literally at my breaking point.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am the only one who cleans the entire house: Advice?

Just leave it…if they want it bad enough they will help clean

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Haha leave it for a week, or of he don’t have clean clothes one time or a cup he wants, he’ll get the point. Go on a week strike :wink:

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Pick it up and throw it in your daughters room if it’s hers and throw your bf crap in his car

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Ha! I work full time with 2 kids and a husband and I still do everything at home…u got it easy lady

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With my kids I went in there room bagged up everything and took it away.

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How long did it take them to start acting like that?
Who cleaned when you were working?

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The 6 year old is learning from the father. Only way to set that straight is cut privileges. As for the man? Don’t do his laundry etc anything that doesn’t affect you or your child. I get being responsible as a sahm but if he wants it done he can put it in a laundry bin at least. Until then, tough love to them both

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Is your daughter not in school to help give you free time during the day? When I was a stay at home mom before my daughter was in school since my man was working and paying for everything, my job was to maintain the house. I get needing a break though.

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Set reasonable chores for daughter,if not done take away toys or TV etc. Boyfriend …he’s a grown man …he’s showing you disrespect. Daughters seeing this ,she needs a better role model. A man that respects her mother &their home.

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Go out of town for a weekend. Alone… Leave them to fend for themselves. Leave the house clean. Then see what happens. When you get home and it’s untidy, leave it. Keep your space clean, childish I know, but then see how they like it.

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Ah man. I got 4 kids. Work full time. All kids home for summer. Well 3, ones an adult. And I can’t get them to do crap around here either. Imma about to change wifi pass word. Bet they will move then. I get stuck with it all. All the animals , all of them. Ohh and let’s not forget HIM… The giant toddler. And they all need something and I have to feed them daily. I have teens. It shouldn’t be this hard…

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While most chores are yours, cleaning up everyday mess isn’t! Load that shit in a laundry basket and dump it on their pillows. :woman_shrugging:

Leave it there a few days if they don’t pick well for your kid put it in trash bag and in front of her put it in the trash (behind her back put it somewhere else to give her back when she ll pick up her stuff) she will learn If she thinks that now you will put it in the trash she will pick up after herself… for the bf do not pick up do not wash his clothes when he ll run out of clothe and be butter naked he might learn a lesson that you are not the cleaning lady. If he has an issue with that well kick him out you ll be better off

Ditch the boyfriend and punish your daughter. By that I mean if you give her a chore and she doesn’t do it, then take something away from her. Teach her there are consequences for not doing as you are told. If she does do it, reward her.

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In my house if I don’t do it it don’t get done its been that way for years and I’ve just come to accept it

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I never clean my house. I wish it wasn’t that way, but I am a single mom of 4 and a small business owner. I have had cleaning people on and off but they never stay or unreliable. We get buy … if its not filth, clutter is fine by me. Laundry unfolded in baskets, sheets don’t get cleaned weekly and sometimes there are so many towels on the bathroom floor you can’t see the tile. As long as the trash is taken out and the kitchen is clean … that’s as good as I can hope for most days. I stopped beating myself up for it a long time ago

Your 6 year old is old enough to be responsible for some things. She can wipe down counters, do simple organization, sort laundry, etc. Don’t ask them to do things, assign and expect them to be done. Operate under the assumption that they are no longer your job.
My 7 year old is responsible for making sure all laundry is in the hamper, the shoe closet isn’t a mess, wipe the bathroom counters after the morning routines and unloads dishwasher on most nights. He isn’t perfect and needs reminders sometimes but these habits teach kids how to live when they are on their own. I don’t give him tasks with the idea that I need the help (I do) but moreso that he has to be used to taking care of his living space.

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First you are the parent and at 6 your daughter is old enough to clean up her messes and do some simple chores. For the boyfriend I would not clean up after him. Granted he has worked all day but it is rather rude of him to not pick up after himself to show you he respects you and all you do. I was a stay at home mom to 6 with one being special needs.

Clean up to not the areas you’re in…go outside and do something for yourself…leave their messes…and talk to your 6 year old privately and walk her around the house…hand her a sponge or toilet scrubber and out your hand on too if hers while you show her how to do her chores…and let her know she’s loved fir helping and give her some stickers or some kind of motivation…make her bed super messy…put food rappers on it or whatever…and say that wouldn’t be fun to sleep in…and let’s learn how to make your bed and put away your own clothes…and maybe she’ll learn

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Put the dirty clothes in the garage. When they don’t have clothes to wear they will ask why.
Trash can be put on top of their belongings. They will have to move it.

Or refuse to cook if they don’t respect you enough to place their clothes in laundry hamper or trash the can.

Lay down the law! You’re the housekeeper not the maid. This means rubbish goes in the bin. Clothes go in the hamper. Dishes go in the dishwasher or stacked on the sink if you don’t have a dishwasher. They put their stuff away etc.

Sounds like you should go on strike. Just because you stay AH doesn’t mean it should all fall on you… ESPECIALLY if you stay home because your mental health doesn’t allow you to do otherwise. Mental health issues can be a legitimate disability

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My girls were neat young but not my boy…he still cleaned at some point…now he’s neat as an adult…

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You should get a basket and put it in your daughter’s room for her laundry. Show her that is where she is to put her dirty laundry. When she takes something out to play with have her pick it up before she takes something else out. I found having their room organized helps. When they leave toys on the floor, pick them up and put them in a trash bag. Until she can keep her toys and things picked up, don’t add to the clutter
As far as your boyfriend, let him know if you have to pick it up, it goes in the trash. Put him a laundry hamper in the laundry room and tell him to put his clothes in it if he wants them washed.

Your feelings are valid. But I also work full time come home and do most things my oldest 8 throws trash and empty dish washer my 6 year old does dishes and my 4 year old helps 8,6 year old pick up house (their toys and trash … it’s just a different type of over load. Total understand. No advice from me. Other then raise your kids to do better. If I wasn’t with my man that works over 50-60 hrs a week that helps set a line for the kiddos I’d be doing it my self

If mine don’t help with chores around the house they don’t get to do the things they like until it’s done no matter how much they fight or argue with me about it sometimesIhave to yell and sometimes I loose my shit, it’s not a choice they do it or they miss out

I would sit your child & husband/boyfriend down and be completely honest with both of them and explain that you are feeling burnt out doing everything day in and day out and that if they could please pick up after theirselves not only would you appreciate it but it would show you how much you mean to them. Kids are usually extremely tender hearted at that age and if you explain it like that i think your child will really start thinking about that. They are ofcourse gonna forget bc they are 6 but once you say “can you pick that up for mommy” they will probably remember the conversation. Dont hold back any truth when talking to them and explain how sad it makes your heart feel when they dont listen to you.

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It won’t get better :mending_heart: you need to give bf ultimatum. Pick up after yourself like an adult and back you up with the 6yo or pack his shit and gtfo. It’s not doing you or your daughter any favors.

He’s probably supporting you financially but it may be time to get a job. Even a work at home one.

You need to insist that your daughter learn to take care of some things, or she will be that way the rest of her life.

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Start out by making your daughter eat at the table. Don’t allow her to carry food messes all over the house.

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Kick the man out n teach the 6 yr old rules

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1st of all I’m guessing you need your boyfriend for financial things Don’t know how old your daughter is but you know if she’s over 7 she should be helping out And if the boyfriend’s a good worker works hard he could help but a little bit but you can’t expect Him to come home and work His ass off either. this might sound crude But if you are a good looking girl you might be better off dropping Him. If you’re not that good looking then you might have to stick there or live alone. On a good side you should know that you’re not the only one that’s going through this I’ve seen it with a lot of families. Good luck

Just leave their mess alone it will look bad they may clean it up when they know you are not a maid if they are old enough to work make them get a job an move on their on

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They do it because they know you will end up doing it. Stop picking up their messes. If there ain’t no clean plates for them to eat, then they gotta wash them before they eat. If there ain’t no clean clothes for them , then sucks to be them. It’s a them problem. I have a 6yo boy, and while he doesn’t do the dishes, he does take them to the sink and opens the water to rinse them, he also knows how to pop a load of laundry in the washer and knows how to separate the darks, the whites and the colors. Everyone has to help around here. :woman_shrugging:t2: my man kept throwing clothes on the floor despite the fact that I went out of my way to get extra hampers. (6 total just in our from and bathroom) so I started getting rid of all I found on the floor. “Hey have you seen my insert item he was looking for?” Yeah, I donated it because you didn’t want it. “What do you mean I didn’t want it? :scream:” well, surely you didn’t want it since I bought extra hampers and you kept throwing them on the floor, and who would do that with so many hampers around, right? :princess:t2::princess:t2::princess:t2: he got the hint real quick :rofl::v:

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I work full time and it is still like that in my household. Now my kids do have to feed their animals everyday but other than that they wait for me.

Get a job and make him move out. Lay the law down for your daughter that she has to help you. If she doesn’t then make her stay in her room without her phone or anything else until she is willing to help.

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Chuck their stuff in rubbish bags and biff it. They’ll soon learn to pick up after themselves.

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girl you need to gain control your a grown adult but, your 6 year old won’t help you? that has to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard… you are the one who needs to be asking your daughter to pick up after herself and explajn why …if she doesn’t listen to you there should be consequences and get rid of the boyfriend until he’s ready to grow up

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I’d love to say leave their mess, but honestly if it’s as bad as you say you will still be the one to clean it up. As far as your daughter, teach her to pick up after herself. If she doesn’t pick up after herself as you told her, she is old enough for minor consequences. Also as another person suggested, have her eat/drink at the table only. As for the bf, if he’s the only one working I’d let some of it go. I personally believe that he should help a little on at least one of his days off.

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through the stuff jour daughter doesnt pick up out the window, like toys etc. she values. dont pick up for jour boyfriend either.

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Tell them u are a mom not maid. That if they dont pick up their clothes they just wont have anything clean to wear

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Your 6 yo won’t listen? :joy: Girl you’re the boss. You make the rules. The ONLY things you have to provide for your child is healthy food, a place to sleep, and roof over their head. The rest is a luxury. So tv-gone, toys-gone, snack food-gone, phone/tablet-gone. Oh and idk what state you are in but I know in GA the law for corporal punishment is with open hand and can’t leave a mark. So bend her over your knee and :wave::wave:. My 3 yo cleans up after herself. And for the man I may be old school whatever but he works and let’s you stay home. That is a luxury all in its self. Ever had to work and still do it all? A lot of women do. So be thankful you get to stay home. With that being said he should still put dishes in the sink for you, trash in the trash can, and clothes in the laundry basket. If he don’t do that then don’t wash his clothes. Don’t pick up the trash or dishes. Leave it. One of the only things I won’t do is take the trash out. That’s a man’s job.

Maybe call his mother and ask her to please discipline her son to act like human being and respect his wife. The other thing is throw all their stuff in the trash until they get the message. This one works best.

You could just as well join the work force again, it will be a good escape.

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Your daughter is 6 and shouldnt be expected to understand that “things are hard”
You need to stay on top of her to pick up after herself eventually she’ll get it and if the bf has a clue he’ll follow suit
I dont mean sit there and bark orders till they do it tho

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Just stop doing it! The sooner you stop the sooner your boyfriend will be like wth why is it so dirty in here. That’s when you say oh well Since I’m the only who knows how to clean up I took some time off from doing so just so I can focus on (and start listing the other stuff you do outside cleaning house). Maybe it’ll open his eyes. As for your daughter well she’s 6 get a grip she is a child yes she should take care of her stuff but it’s not her responsibility to maintain the house. Tell her to take care of her things don’t be asking and if she doesn’t do it then take things she likes away as punishment an/or put her in time out. Be the parent. If you don’t stop coddling them an catering to them they will never help. All you’re doing is following them around cleaning up for them not after them you’re just doing it for them therefore they don’t think they need to bother doing so bc you’re always up their rears doing it. You say you’re at your breaking point but the reality is you’re mad at them for not doing something you don’t give them even a chance to do bc you automatically think you have to do it for them. You’re self sabotaging yourself. Just bc a mess is made doesn’t mean it immediately needs cleaned. There’s more to loose than constantly cleaning so you knock it off take time for yourself and time with your family. Stop giving so much of your energy to the need to clean.

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You are not the lakey in the house, if they leave it there , WHEN MY WERE YOUNGER AN THEY DIDNT TAKE THERE SHOES OR WHATEVER I SWEEPED IT INTO THE YARD … o NLY HAPPENED 1 NEVER LEFT ANYTHING AGAIN … THEY WILL LEARN IF YOU STOP DOING IT … :heart::rose::thinking:

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What!??? You are living with pigs! Your daughter should be picking up after herself and you should be making her! As for the boyfriend he needs to grow up! Evict him if he doesn’t want to change. Stay at home mom doesn’t mean personal slave. If they can’t see the light, quit! Literally, don’t cook clean or do anything for either of them. You are required to feed and clothe your daughter but how and what is up to you. Remove her toys and personal items from her room, let her do simple chores to earn them back. Clearing up after herself is not part of those chores but it is expected!

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Leave a list of stuff for the boyfriend to do and have a day out to yourself if the boyfriend doesn’t do it then ask him to leave Simple

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Leave their stuff laying around where they drop them. When they run out of clothes or can’t find something - tell them to look through the stuff they threw on the floor. Get an apartment for you and your daughter - kick the bf out. She can help by picking up after herself and helping to clean up after dinner.

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Pretty easy !!! Start with throwing out EVERYTHING they leave around, clothes , shoes , toys etc .

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Make a chore list for EVERYONE in the household. I’m sure the boyfriend can handle running a vacuume or sweep floors after he’s out of work.

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Stop asking and start demanding. Just because he works doesn’t mean he became incapable of cleaning up after himself. Your daughter is young but most toddlers can clean up after themselves if taught, so teach her and if she doesn’t listen take away the fun stuff. Make her lose everything and earn it back by doing what she’s told.

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Stop cooking for him. Tell him your not cooking unless hes gonna clean up after bc you dont have time to do it with everything else you do. Obviously cook for the kid but mk her set the table clean her area when shes done n let her help you with the dishes. Most littles love that job. Stop doing your mans laundry too. When hes outta clean clothes he will figure out how to start the washer n any trash he leaves laying around that you pick up put it in his car :joy::joy: teach the little one. You have to let her help you with the bigger stuff dishes cleaning the glass, dusting they usually like them things at this age and just mk a big deal of what a great job she did n how proud you are. When you want her to clean her room hv her do it in sections so she dont get over whelmed bt when shes done with one corner tell her how great she did n you can do something fun for 20 min then i want you to do this corner. After she does it a cpl times tell her she can earn allowance if she keeps it nice n clean for a week. Chore charts work GREAT at this age to

Nope. It’s time to go on strike. It beats following them around saying : pick that up… over & over. Let them know that the chef & maid have quit. Then DO. IT

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Just Quit for a day or two, don’t do anything and tell them this how its going to look like if i don’t get any help

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I’m not going to say I don’t get burned out once in a while from doing it all. But I prefer to do it all. I’d rather it be done right. I love the pride I feel as well. If you look at more as a positive than a negative it doesn’t seem so much as a chore :):slight_smile: but then again we’re all different. Js

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Is he working extra to make up for the lack of money you bring in ? Go back to work and split things 50/50 instead of him responsible for all the bills and you doing all the house work . To be fair You should be doing the majority/big things like the laundry etc since you’re home alone all day with him at work and her at school.

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Boyfriend has no excuse. You don’t need that behavior.
Your daughter is SIX for heavens sake! YOU are the parent. Set the rules you expect she can follow at six, and enforce them. :purple_heart:

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Go get a job and save a lot of money
But those other advices like box them up and give them back as rewards for helping is a good one just sneak it back into the right place lol cuz if u tell them they’re being redirected they’ll get upset clean everything spotless get a babysitter and tell him to stay gone than have another day to yourself to relax than make a clean slate get a dry erase board put there names and things they should be helping out with like he should take the trash out exc…

I used to work full time my kids didn’t want to help and keep their rooms clean, I would get a garbage bag and hide it. If they wanted something back they had to work for it by doing chores. It did work for me.

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My husband and kids are the same way. It has caused quite a few issues in my house as I do also work full time. I was a stay at home mom til covid hit and my husband lost his job. He wasn’t able to find one so I went back to work and he stayed with the kids. He hasn’t gone back because it would almost be like one of working just to pay for day care. Anyways, him and the kiddos know I’m super picky about how cleaning is done, which is their reasoning for not doing it. I have explained I’m still just going to throw trash in the trash can and clothes in the laundry. I also told the kiddos they have to learn so they can keep their homes clean when they have their own places. I am so tired of being used. I haven’t touched a thing in over a week. I think there getting the idea.

Buy one of those large black garbage cans. Anything you have to pickup goes in the can — they’ll figure it out. And no they have to empty the can

What I tell my crew is it is their job not to make my job harder. Throw it away, put it away, or return it to the state in which you found it.

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Ok. Here’s the deal. Your boyfriend works. But he should be responsible for the outdoor chores and cleaning up after himself. You’re his girlfriend, not his mother. If he’s going to be a slob, tell him to pack up and get out. If you have to do it all alone, you’d rather find another job and do it on your own. Light a fire under your daughter. Anything of hers you have to pick up goes in a box on top of the fridge and she doesn’t get it back until she earns it back. She is capable of setting the table for meals. Helping to clear the table after meals. She can pick up after herself and put her own toys away. She can spread her own bed up. She can put her own laundry in the hamper. She can pull dry clothes out of the dryer. She can dust. She can put her own trash in the wastebasket. If she balks at doing these things, start pulling privileges. TV time, electronics time, put up toys, playtime with friends, special events planned such as birthday parties and such. She doesn’t do her chores, she can’t go till her chores are done. If she says it isn’t fair, tell her it isn’t fair that you get stuck doing everything either. You’re a team and you have to work together.

Welcome to being a mom

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I feel like you should be doing the majority of the actual chores since you stay home and he’s working to pay all the bills…if I were you I’d go back to work. But if that’s not possible for mental health reasons, you need to gain control of your household. Assign each of them a daily chore and hold them accountable. That being said, picking up after them is not a household chore and it shouldn’t fall on you. That’s them being lazy and taking advantage of you. Everyone should be picking up after themselves. You’re not a maid you’re a sahm. Good luck.

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Do not do boyfriend’s stuff anymore. He wants clean clothes, make HIM wash HIS laundry. Your daughter is old enough to help. If she leaves trash around, say from a snack give her a warning, that anymore trash left around and you’ll make her wait for the next meal no snack. Toys all over? Put them in a big tote and put them up. She has to then earn them back with chores.

You’re daughter can help with little things, picking up after herself. Helping fold towels. Taking bathroom garbage out. Start with little things. Make a chore chart make it fun for her. Have her earn her fun time by helping with things :slightly_smiling_face:

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Your daughter is 6. Don’t treat her like you treat a grown man.
Just teach her the right way. Ask & Reward.

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Carol Halterman The Poster doesn’t work, doesn’t go to school anymore, her daughter is 6 so I would think she goes to school all day, what does she do?

So what does the Poster do all day?

Too many unanswered questions to give a truly helpful answer.

The Poster says the boyfriend is working, so what does that mean?

Is he supporting the household?

Does he pay the household bills?

If not, why doesn’t he?

And if he doesn’t, who does?

What exactly is the Poster’s role in the household?

If she does not work, go to school, or have a child at home during the typical 8 hour school day, what is she doing all day?

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SAHM does not mean maid. I am a SAHM. After he is done work all hands on deck, we both work on household things. The 5 year needs to be trained to cleaned or else have privileges and or toys taken away.

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Well you could try the I’m going to get a job and you’ll need to clean up after yourselves routine and put up with the mess for a few weeks.

It’s about setting expectations for the entire home. Does the dad want the six year old to be a slob?
Set new home rules. Everyone should be picking up their own messes thar they make.

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If the boyfriend had any respect for you he would be trying to help more, which in turn would help improve your mental health. You’re going through a hard time and anyone who hasn’t been through actual depression will NOT understand how you’re feeling. There’s a difference between you running the home and taking care of it, and having a grown ass man take the piss and not know how to do the basics for himself and contribute. Your daughter is 6, she can be directed with little chores that you expect that are age appropriate. Your boyfriend is meant to be your partner not an extra man child

I was raised if one person works and the other is it home it’s the person at homes job to take care of the house and meals.

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Teach your daughter how to clean now else it gets worse when they grow up. Believe me… it’s easier while they’re young.

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As a stay at home mom of 4. (7,5,4&2) I do everything but two thing in my house take out trash and do the yard work. Unless he needs my help with them. That’s the job my husband does. But my oldest is 7. So I gave him small task to do. Like sweep and help with dishes. And all 4 help with picking up toys. Yes they get messy and all but I pick right before we eat supper they have to pick up all toys. And we sang a clean up song. And have a sticker chart To make it fun even sometimes my husband joins in. Everyone gets a sticker for each job task they do when they hit ten the get in the truesure chest. For a toy or they can chose a candy bar.

Jesus so many missing the point of this post. The lady is struggling. And to be honest sounds like depression that is escalating . Everyone bangs on about mental health awareness - and yet as soon as one mum - clearly struggling mentally posts for help - you demonise her…

Welcome to being a mum

You should be doing the majority of the household chores

Just a couple comments I’ve read.

Hope none of you on your pedestals ever end up struggling and reaching out for help.

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Erm…you are the parent do your job and parent…

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Not sure the age of your kids - but I don’t let the toddlers bring all of their toys into the family area at once. When finished playing with one toy we pick it up and take it back and put it away. Then we get the next one out.
That is true for each child. Only one toy, activity at a time in the family area at a time. This will take some time to implement. But once you get that rule down. It will help.
Then get the kids to help you fold laundry and put it away. Even 2 year olds can help sort clothes. Toddlers love to help and it keeps them busy and out of trouble if we make a game out of it.
After each meal you can ask for help clearing the table and doing dishes.
I am not sure why your boyfriend won’t pitch in. Just ask him to help so you can get finished with chores earlier and spend time together. If he doesn’t want to spend time together that would be my issue with him.

Sounds like you need some you time. Schedule it in and do it, no matter what the house looks like. It sucks your bf doesn’t help, and the 6 year old can’t be expected to do too much imo. Sounds like you need to get things straight with yourself and your home :blossom:

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You stay home and keeping the house in order is part of that, however, that doesn’t mean others can’t help keep it neat. They should still throw out their trash, put shoes/clothes/personal items away, help clear the table, etc. set rules and boundaries, or tell them you will take longer to get things done, and may not be able to do other things.

Make a game out of it for your daughter but if she won’t help she is old enough to lose privileges. I would get a trash bag and put everything in it and toss it out. For the bf stop doing his crap . He should be helping you and supporting you so u can get counseling and maybe meds to help.

Call a doc about depression meds and to start a plan for yourself. Help yourself first. Then you can deal with everything else accordingly.

Girl I feel ya! Back when I was a stay at home mom…I did everything. Granted my husband worked everyday and our kids at the time were toddlers lol but it def was exhausting. Now we have teenagers and we both work. Some days it feels like I’m doing it all…other days I’m like you know what? Do it yall damn selves🤣 it’s just apart of being an adult/parent/spouse .

Everyone, and I mean everyone, should pick up after their dang selves. My four year old does, my husband does it, and I stay at home. Sure, I wash the dishes and clean the house, but no one in our family just throws trash on the ground and expects me to pick it up. That is lazy, there is zero reason an adult can’t pick up after himself. Why not walk the extra two feet into the kitchen to place the bowl in the sink or dishwasher? Why can’t he put his clothes in the hamper? Yeah, taking care of the house and kids while he’s at work maybe your job, but there is zero reason for him to be acting like your child

I feel a majority of the chores does actually fall on you, your a stay at home mom. When I was a stay at home mom all of that was my responsibility. Which I couldn’t argue because I wasn’t getting up and working 40 plus hours a week. Although my situation didn’t change when I went part time household was still my obligation, when I went full time I still continue all household chores, my husband does the outside work. I guess it falls into the category of being mom. But there isn’t a reason they shouldn’t at least clean up there mess

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Weird…my 5 year old picks up when I ask her to because IM the adult and she doesn’t get to tell me “no” when it comes to little messes that she made and can easily pick up. It’s teaching her responsibility, accountability, and that there are consequences to actions. “Pick up your toys or we won’t play with them anymore”
It’s your child… you have to teach them…
As for the grown man paying your bills, pick your battles. My man doesn’t do much around the house and it’s incredibly frustrating at times, but he literally just doesn’t think about it…and I know there’s a big difference in me asking him for help after he’s been working all day vs asking when he’s had some time to himself and to relax. I personally can’t stand people expecting shit from me before I get both feet in the door either

Your daughter should be taught to pick up her toys and put them away daily. Put up a chart and put each day down if she does it then she will get a star. If she gets 5 stars a week buy her something at the dollar tree. I did this with my klds and it taught them responsibility and you get something in the end. Your boyfriend should know better you are not his slave. I am sure you make sure he has a hot meal when he gets home, a clean house the least he can do is clean up his messes and not give you more to do. Just talk to him about it, if you both are close I am sure he will appreciate you brought this up with him :slight_smile:

Teach your daughter to help out. But make sure you get yourself together and get yourself a job if you need and choose whether or not you still want your boyfriend in your life you deserve a partner not another kid

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My kids are only allowed toys in their room. If they Wana live in filth that’s their problem I intervene when I smell something gross then we get a lesson on how to clean as they get watched. For the bf n trash I suggest looking at the smart home devices n put them in each for for trash and you can find some other things to make “life” easier. But garbage cans in each room a big help. A nice box with names on it for things that need to go back to their room that u pick up. They can just take it to their room and empty it each night. Sometimes it’s not cleaning but making its a “work smarter not harder” situation. Kids will pick up on your cleaning habits as they see you do them

Well I feel as a stay at home mom that’s how it goes. They should throw their trash and stuff away of course but that’s now your responsibility to care for the house

He’s living with you tell him your not his slave.

If you’re a stay at home mom, household chores are your job. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help with a few things, but if your boyfriend works & pays the bills, you should be doing almost everything at the house.
Mind you that doesn’t mean he has an excuse to be a slob, he still needs to pick up after himself.
As far as your kid goes, start having them help you. If they don’t want to do it tell them they can help you out with whatever you’re doing for X amount of minutes, or they can sit in time out for double that time. Waste your kids time, they’ll change their tune.

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With my daughter we would have a conversation about what was expected and then if she doesn’t pick up a toy and you pick it up it goes in a bin and she doesn’t get it back until she completes a small chore. For example pick up the rest of her toys or trash in her room. For your bf we would also have a talk about expectations and that you are not there to caterer to him you are there as a partner and should be treated as such. If he can’t help then he could start fending for hisself until he could. I would cook for my daughter and myself he could cook his own food same goes for laundry. I don’t care if he does work outside the home you still don’t deserve to be treated like his servant. Also you might want to see a doctor about something for your depression because without help it may continue to get worse. Wishing you the best.