I am the only one who cleans the entire house: Advice?

Wow some of you are just so rude.
Just because she’s a stay at home mom and should do a majority of the household chores doesn’t give everyone else an excuse to be a slob. :woman_facepalming:t3: I was a stay at home mom for two years and really expressed this to my husband quite a bit because he started leaving his dinner plate on the table or his dirty clothes on the floor, little things like that.
They need to realize, yes you will wash dishes, wash clothes, but they need to bring them from point A to point B first.
I.E. put dishes in the sink, food/trash in the garbage, dirty clothes in the basket.
Sit them down and explain this to them.
And take some time for you, because YOU deserve it.

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Your daughter and her boyfriend live with you? WHY? You are quite the enabler. Now you should start enabling YOURSELF!!

First of all you’re not his mother and you can’t run the household alone. Just because you’re a stay at home mom (be blessed you have this option) doesn’t mean you’re the maid! He is an adult and can clean up after himself. Your child needs to be taught and is of the perfect age to do so. Make it fun while teaching responsibility. My kids have a chore chart (this is beyind what they are expected to keep up on such as their own rooms). We call them “family zones” those areas used by everyone. Living room dining room bathroom etc… each kiddo has “zones” they are responsible for and they can earn allowance. When they get their allowance they divide it up into 3 jars. They have a save jar where they must out 10% a donate jar where they must put 10% and the rest is theirs to put in their spend jar. The last several years at the end of the year they put their donate jar funds together and I match their funds and take them to shop for items to donate to animal shelters or children’s hospital etc… they love this and they are giving back to the community and they have learned the value of a dollar. My daughter 11 is better about keeping her spend money until she has enough to purchase an item she wants. She will pick something at a store and then I help her figure out how long it will take her to be able to get it. My son 14 money burns a whole in his pocket so he’s a little less likely to save for bigger items he prefers to use his and go to get ice cream or snacks. It’s a good way to teach your kiddo and something you can do together. The boyfriend needs to grow up. Your not his mom or his wife even at this point and while your household duties are a little more because you’re home he still needs to be an adult and clean up after himself. My laundry rule is if you don’t take it to the basement it doesn’t get washed. Oh you have no clean work clothes? Thats sad you know where the basement is. You must’ve forgot to take them there. :woman_shrugging:

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If they don’t help after you ask nicely (it is all in the tone you use), they have no respect for you!

Make them do it. Don’t try to talk to them about it and don’t let them not do it. You make them.
Stop cleaning up after them, stop doing their laundry, just let it go.
You go out and do what you have to do for yourself.

Stop doing it. Don’t pick after them for a week. Just clean up after yourself and the messes you know your daughter is physically incapable of cleaning herself. And when your boyfriend gets upset about it remind him that you are not a personal maid service. And go and talk to your dr. You need to get help with your mental health. Take care of you so that you can take care of your daughter :heart:

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You said your daughter is 6 years old. If that’s the case you need to parent and discipline the kid. As far as your boyfriend you Two could use some counseling

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6 year old can help with basics and discipline to follow if necessary.

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Stop doing it for them…if u ask them to pick something up and they dont u do not do it for them leave it where it is and keep asking leave it till they do it even if that’s a day or 2…it sounds like u are putting pressure on urself to keep shit clean…yes its ur job as the stay at home parent but it’s also ur job to teach the kid and cleaning up after ones self is an important lesson so what if things are out of order a bit sometimes there are more important things in life then a clean home like ur sanity and teaching the kid and spending time with people u love…no magic fairy is gonna come do it for u it will all be there when u get to it!!!

I think you need to build yourself up first. When reading I read through mystery first, regret and maybe loneliness. Be proud of who you are and what you do. Love and respect yourself and others will follow.

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She’s 6 she can put dishes in the sink I washed dishes when I was 4.she can pick up toys,she can help put laundry in the washer.but my old man wouldn’t clean if I had a pistol :joy::100: he’s lazy and I work too doing the same jobs.he still comes home throws clothes in the floor leaves dishes won’t cook clean nothing.his mother lives with US because she’s 82 she is like having a child you can’t do anything about :joy::person_facepalming: I’m with you I’m exhausted from it too.lazy it’s just lazy on their part.

Boyfriend and not husband???

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Boot the boyfriend, change the wifi password until the daughter helps.

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If you’re man don’t help, just ask him to pick up after himself. If he doesn’t help T all I might would just leave it there so he can see how much you do. As far as your SIX year old daughter…. Na… that don’t fly. Go ahead be a mom n throw down some consequences

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Your daughter is six you can get her to help you tidy up her toys and put her clothes in the laundry basket. Your a stay at home mom not a slave. Regardless whether you work or not your not the only one who lives there. Kids are easier to train then a whole man. Lay down the law in your home don’t let them walk all over you

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You can deep clean everything but they are fully capable of putting trash in trash clothes in laundry basket and toys away or you cook and he does dishes or vice versa.

If he works he shouldn’t have to help! As far as your daughter… You’re the parent, u make her help!

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Get your depression sorted and then get a job.

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Well STOP doing it. That wasn’t so hard.

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The child is 6. You’re the parent, make her help or take away all fun stuff until she does. It’s that simple. She leaves her stuff in the floor, put it in a garbage bag- it’s no longer hers to use. Eventually she’ll run out of stuff. Heck, do the same for the boyfriend too.
The problem sounds like it started when you hit a rough patch, time to snatch up your big girl panties and start loving yourself and kicking ass!
Get another job, even if it’s part time. If you can’t afford childcare yet, get something at night when the boyfriend is home.
Best of luck

If you kick him out you’d have 1 less person to clean up after. It’s much easier! Also, your child is old enough to start giving her some age appropriate responsibility. Good luck!

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let them clean up there mess and go out and have fun. Even if you have to park your car and sit for hours with a good book or just people watch. Just stop picking up there mess they will get the message with dirty cloths and the smell of food al over the place. They are just use to you doing it.

Stop cleaning , let them
See what it’s like to not being waited on :boxing_glove: soon they will see how it’s like and the amount of things you do for them

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Oh this easy 6 yr old don’t pick up stuff like toys throw them away . When she had no toys she will think twice . Boyfriend easy as well . Can’t pick up after yourself leave it including laundry !!! When he has no clothes to wear hmm he will get the picture . Gonna be arguments trust me but say hey I’m not your damn slave !!

Kids ugh my kids it’s hard to get them to pick up after themselves. It’s constant reminding and discipline and I know eventually it will get better because it has with the older 2. Just make a game out of it and have her help you for short spurts. She can do it! Dont let her fool you. But him, he has no excuse not to tidy around himself. You have to sit down and have a talk with him. Stop doing anything for him at all if he seems to think that is solely your job to pick up after him as if he’s handicapped and a complete slob to boot. Just because he works doesn’t mean he can’t simply throw something he knows is trash away or put things back where they go and just take a towel and wipe a surface he’s gotten dirty. It should be second nature.

Go away for a week and tell them everything better be done or you are not coming home!

Tbh it sounds like the 6 year old is just following the example that the boyfriend is setting. He should know better. There’s no excuse for him living like a pig. If he doesn’t put his clothes in the laundry basket, they don’t get washed. Simple.

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Stop.

Seriously, just stop.

For your 6 year old, she needs to be taught. So with her, when you find a mess she has made, you take her by the hand, walk her to the mess and stand there while she cleans it up. I understand it will probably take more time than you just cleaning it up yourself, but you’ll be teaching her to clean her messes. You could also give her chores. Pay her $5 a week to gather all the dirty laundry and put it in the laundry room or to clean up all the trash she can find.

As far as your boyfriend, stop cleaning up after him. Leave his mess where it is for a week or two and see what happens.

There is a difference in being a stay at home mom/house spouse versus being a maid.

As for you, see a psychiatrist/therapist and work on your mental health so that you can get yourself stabilized and back in the work force. Once you’re back to work, you’ll have even more of a right to speak up about them, the boyfriend especially, not contributing to the household chores.

Girl, there are PLENTY of men out there that know how to pick-up after themselves and wash a dish… don’t settle.
As for your daughter, make a chart and have little sticker rewards. Chances are whatever chore she does you’ll have to re do anyway but you’ll pave the way.
Also, I want you to know that you can let some things go. I am an obsessive cleaner, especially when my anxiety is high. It gives me the feeling of “control” and “comfort” that I’m craving. I’ve been working on saying “its good enough” and “this isn’t necessary for my peace”. So take a look at why you need to have everything perfect. You’ll drive yourself even more crazy by needing everything a certain way.

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Make rules and hold them to it. Like,food only at the table. Do Not Do Their Chores. If you get tired of picking up clothes dirty dishes and toys. Set a garbage can close and in front of them,throw their litter in it.

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I agree pack your bags & go on holiday for a week go to your parents place relax if you want take your daughter with you too teach her

He works and takes care of you and your kid. Figure it out… Your daughter is old enough to do some chores and have consequences if she doesn’t do them.

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Cleaning is one thing. Being a maid to lazy people is another.

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Im odd man out here. I believed if you were the stay at home. The home and kids were your job… I somehow got massive gender roles in my head, which is odd Cuz i was not raised like that.
But i kicked the dude out :grin: i don’t mind picking up my kids crap…

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Have the kids have chores each day

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I have 3 kids, pets and a hubby. I clean up after all of them all day everyday. I feel your pain but I agreed to this so it’s not to bad in my head I guess. I get to stay home with my littles on and cherish the moments​:heart: while he works a lot. If your unhappy with your situation, change it! You have power and don’t let them take that. Stop cleaning, make them do small chores, or take/ throw things out. Kid leaves toys everywhere? Put them up and tell her she can have them back when she learns to help. Shit like that. Keep your head up :blush::heart:

Living in a home is a partnership. Each must do their part. The child needs to learn to clean up after herself. With the boyfriend it’s a compromise. You clean inside he works outside. Each must do their tasks to make it a happy home.

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Girl, I feel you. I don’t have a job but I’m in school, however, I don’t have summer classes and I just feel like one big ole mooch. I cook, clean, and even do the yard work. My husband works and comes home. He takes the trash out, and even then it is like you’re pulling teeth to ask him to help. It seems like you don’t feel respected or seen. My advice for you and your bf is to sit and talk to him. If he doesn’t do talks, write a letter. Sit down and write out everything you are feeling. It might come off as a big rant, which is fine. Your feelings and emotions are entirely validated; please don’t feel like they’re not. Your kids, my dad would simply take things that I loved away until I started helping around the house and doing chores. Everyone’s style of parenting is different; but what worked with me. Be firm. You got this.

I had that problem . Just leave their stuff . Don’t pick it up . After about 2 or 3 days they will get the point maybe . Only do dishes that make it to the sink . No trash pickup . You go out . Have lunch . Go for a walk . Start doing you . My grandkids 3 and 4 carry their dishes to sink and pick up toys . If I have to pick up they don’t get to play with them for a week . You are not the maid

My 14 year old does the dishies every night and my 16 year old does a load of washing every night, your daughter is at the age where she should have a job/responsibility that’s hers to take care of daily, she appropriate of course, and she should be picking up her own food/clothes/toys, maybe she’s following bfs example, but I’d nip that in the bud now, it’s only going to get worse as she gets older. An just throw that whole man away if he’s not going to change his ways, it’s not fair on you and it’s a bad example to set for your child

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First of all if your 6 year old is not listening to you and doing as you say then you have some parenting issues that you need to address. You are the mom and what you say goes. I am grandma and even the grandkids know to pick up after themselves here. I say it’s time to clean up and little people better start moving. It is not a suggestion here. I am the adult and they listen. Even the 2 year olds get up and clean. We all sing the clean up song and they do it. If your kid dosent listen to you at 6 it’s only gonna get WAY worse for you
The man on the other hand??? Just gotta keep nagging.

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I dont clean my adult sons room and I only clean main areas of home 12 year olds are responsible for their room. If it belongs to someone left in a main area of home I toss in their room

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Don’t do their laundry etc.

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First of all, the 6 year old is old enough to help and as her mother you make her help. Help dry the dishes, put her clothes away, put her clothes in the washer for you, help you sweep by holding the dust pan… All things a 6 year old is capable of. Is she don’t/won’t that is because of your parenting or lack of… Second I’m a SAHM and I do everything! Occasionally my husband will help if asked but not without asking so you need to reevaluate who your with and if you want to put up with that the rest of your life… He lives there to and should not make it harder on you!

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Clean just your mess up and leave theirs. When they say something about it tell them to pick it up and put it where it belongs, if not it will just lay there. :woman_shrugging:

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I agree with Melodee Perry McCluskey, Strike! Im very blessed that my husband still helps and when my kids were home they did too!

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Ok so 1st off, your job is not to clean after them.
Your job is cleaning the “house” not their stuff.
Sweep mop dust clean the fridge vacuum wash bedding/ towels (their clothes if you want) clean the tubs/ bathrooms, ect. That’s your job.
But you’re not a maid.
The boyfriend is a big kid now, he can clean after himself. Pick up after himself, wipe his own toothpaste out the sink, fold his own clothes if you prefer ect. Plus at least 1 day a week he should be cooking.
6 is plenty old enough to help with own laundry, put away easy dishes/ silverware, fold towels ect.
I’ve been a sahm most of my adulthood and this you’re describing is NOT how to raise kids into functioning adults. And I don’t clean after grown people.

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Leave it till they are sick of it . If that doesn’t work open the door and start throwing it out after you have asked them to pick it up

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think their are different rules/ different solutions for six year olds than adults first define your terms to both parties for the 6 year old start saying no to all requests "till your things are picked up. For the boyfriend a discussion, preferably early on a day he doesn’t work Then when everyone is clear on new rules for the laundry put a hamper next to your washing machine and ONLY wash what has been placed in or next to it for the dishes reduce the number of dishes available put your name on one of everything with a sharpie Then only wash dishes that are in the sink/ dishwasher

Don’t want to work, go to school or clean the house. I get it you need to take a vacation by yourself.

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I would say dedicate a day to urself to give urself some self care even just a half day would get u some sanity back

Leave it all there until they finally realise ut not their slave…there’s a limit to what u should be expected to do.

Well your BF works and pays ALL the bills. Your job is a stay at home mom/GF so household chores are your job. Your 6 yr old CAN help and it’s your responsibly to make her help!

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Leave the boyfriend he’s teaching your kid bad habits and if you had talked about it before it’s the only thing to make him change

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BF should do some things such as take out the trash, the lawn, snow removal. You could add in something else that you don’t like to do. My dad did the kitchen floor. He could also help with big cleaning jobs such as cleaning the garage or basement once a year. Your daughter is old enough to learn to make her bed, clean up her toys, and other small jobs. I got an allowance. If I didn’t complete the chores a specific amount was deducted from my allowance for each chore not completed. If you don’t want to use an allowance, try a chore chart and for every 10 chores completed she gets some reward.

You are responsible for your 6 year old. No privileges of any kind until chores are done. That especially includes tv or electronics.

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Get some professional help. Your poor daughter is the one suffering.

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Stop asking and start TELLING.

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Therapy to grow a spine. Get therapy and meds for depression, work on self esteem, practice standing up for yourself and holding firm with therapist & friends. Then use your skills!

Write down chores to be done, have a family meeting, let BF & daughter pick which 5-10 they want. If they don’t take you seriously, stop doing anything for them, only wash your clothes, make your meals, sweep everything to their side of the room & don’t pick it up.

Have a chart & put gold stars when stuff is done. You’d be surprised how this can motivate adults too. Have rewards for people getting everything done by the end of the week (ice cream for dessert, go out to a movie or get to choose Friday night movie, pizza Friday or no pizza, staying up an extra 1/2 hour on a weekend night for the daughter, whatever).

Have consequences for not doing chores (electronics locked up, Wi Fi turned off, locked out of the bedroom for a night. They have to make their own dinner, etc. ) You can ask here for more ideas for good and bad consequences for doing/not doing chores.

Everyone has to put clothes in hamper, dishes in sink, put clean clothes away, keep floor picked up. Food & dishes left out is put in zip lock bags & put on their pillow. Stuff left on floor is put in garbage bags and hidden. They have to do extra chores to earn left out items back. If not, it gets washed and donated.

Be in charge as the domestic goddess you are! Wear that crown!

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Your daughter is your daughter, not your best friend. Make a chore chart and at the end of the week if she has so many stickers or whatever you decide let her pick a small toy. Or treat her to ice cream. I have four kids under 8 and we struggle with them cleaning up their toys too but you just have to find something that works. In our house if you leave toys out where they are not supposed to be I throw them in a basket and they have to do a chore to earn one toy back. As for the boyfriend tell him to help or get out. He lives there too and creates messes. Put your foot down. Do some research for ways to encourage them.

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Also concur with taking off with friends or family for a week or weekend to hammer home all you do for them.

Go to therapy and get your depression under control. Find something you love to do outside of the house and don’t ASK tell them what you expect and that there needs to be a compromise or the boyfriend can leave and stop contributing to the problem and the daughter can be grounded?!

Leave it there
And get a job so u don’t have to be at home and see it. Dont cook either and they will have to clean their mess up if they want home cooked meals.
It will help your depression to get out of the house.
Just do chore but their mess is their mess.

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Leave him and ground your daughter if she won’t help

Asking your partner to have the personal responsibility to clean up after himself should not be a huge ask :woman_shrugging: the kid though you gotta make them and it sucks lol

Give ur daughter chores and he should clean up he grown

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Shes still very young… Discipline is teaching. Role model what you want her to do and give her praise when she attempts the task. Don’t let her play, watch TV etc until she helps clean up her mess. Although your job is the household chores, your bf is an adult and should put his dishes in the sink and laundry in the hamper. He can even help with chores on the weekends.

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No TV until a chore is done or anything g else. Yes it’s hard she will say no and you should keep th house clean but your boyfriend is an adult who knows how to clean up after himself

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Give your daughter a chore list. If it’s not done then no fun :woman_shrugging:t3: as for the boyfriend, he should help. If he won’t tell him to move out. I know school just ended so your kid will be home with you now- But she’s school age so during the school months there’s really no reason to be a “stay at home mom” when your kid isn’t home. Find a doctor/therapist to deal with your depression. 

Throw their stuff out! They’ll get the point soon enough!

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Nah at the very least they need to pick up after themselves. Get up on their asses until they do it reguarly and days off he needs to help.

go on strike no supper made or anything till they help they will get tired of eating out and doing all their laundry and over flowing garbage everywher

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Forget the man-child. He’s a lost cause lol, but your 6 year old should get privileges delayed or taken away until she completes the task at hand. Eventually, she’ll get the hand of it.

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U are not a maid or a slave. Everyone should be responsible for picking up after themselves. Even the 6 yo can do basics of putting trash in pail, empty cup in sink, etc. No more talking take action. They don’t clean up after themselves put in on their side of the room. Stop cleaning their laundry, etc until u r appreciated

They don’t need to “help you” ! They need to do whatever needs to be done because they live there! At least pick up, clean up after themselves. Have a nice, serious talk with them.

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So a man who isn’t even the father of your child is supporting you both financially and you’re complaining about cleaning up? Yikes.

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Stop cleaning. Stop picking up after them. They know you’ll do it. With your daughter make sure she has a basket for dirty clothes and tell her she has to make her bed every day. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just pull up the blankets and fluff up the pillow. It’s really your fault they won’t help.

Yep. Moms job is never done.

You need to harden up your a woman and its your job to look after your kids and your man.

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Stop cleaning up their sh1t !

Throw your daughters things away she’s 6 she is more than capable of picking her stuff up and if she won’t then she won’t have anything anymore and throw him away

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Take a long trip and let them figure it out

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So sorry about this I ABSOLUTELY hate that ppl feel/think that bc you are a SAHM you are responsible ALL the time, if you were to go to a clock in/ out job your job is done when you click out. Yes I do feel like the majority unfortunately falls on you But he gets days off so shld you my hubby thankfully has always helped at least a little his job is hard and until recently he worked 12hr shifts but even then he wld usually help in some way whether it was cooking or helping cook to running dishwasher. Your daughter you will have to teach how to and what is expected trust me don’t do it for her my mom did for me and I took complete advantage of it and her growing up and to be honest it DIDN’T help me in the long run especially when I got married and became a mom lol I’ve always been big on making my kids responsible from a young age and thankfully they have turned into pretty amazing young adults now that are very responsible (for the most part… They do make mistakes they’re still young adults) don’t be afraid to not be her friend she will respect you so much more maybe not right now but she will.

Get a job and get out of the house a bit. Don’t cook, let him starve and pick up after himself.

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Stop cleaning and picking up after them
As they will expect you to become their maid

Work 60 hours a week…cook …clean …take care of the house and 4 kids alone and then let’s see if your tired.

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She’s 6… you don’t ask. :roll_eyes:

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Better set some boundaries and stick to them…

These are the dumbest questions I’ve ever heard