I am unhappy in my relationship: What should I do?

What do I do about being in an unhappy relationship? My husband is an amazing man, father, friend. Hard working. Kind. But he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. He shows no emotion. He rarely talks to me. He’s constantly outside by himself watching videos on his phone and never spends time with us. We discussed my unhappiness about 3 years ago, and we separated. He worked on himself and he did change, so we got back together. but now we’re back to the same exact place and I don’t know what to do about it! I want this happy family for our child and I don’t want to leave again and break his heart. I do love him, but I haven’t been in love with him in years. I feel like I live with a roommate.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am unhappy in my relationship: What should I do?

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Maybe try couples counseling to get a better understanding of each other. Help build a solid foundation.

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You need to have a serious conversation with him and and let him know exactly what and how you are feeling

I know the feeling in the same situation and it’s so frustrating :pensive::pensive:

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Maybe if you can give him one more chance or yall do counseling then you can say you gave it all you had. If you feel you’ve already done that then maybe let him know you’re plan. I know that’s a tough spot to be in

I feel like you just told my story to me :pleading_face:

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He sounds depressed or drained of you (in the nicest way possible to say). Try couples therapy.

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Marriage is hard work. I agree with Taylor Batstone try counseling.

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Just here to say, I’m praying for you. I’ve been feeling the same way and I have no advice. Hope you can figure it out :heart:

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Leave the relationship

This sounds more like YOU you have the problem you have all the high praises about him and state that you havent been in love with him in years. Looks like you already know the answer and just want a bunch of people to justify your feelings so you dont feel bad. Listen if you’re not happy go dont just stay and lead your husband on thats selfish. Be an adult own your shit and walk.

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Have you asked him why is feels/acts that way??? Maybe he feels the same about you, maybe more communication. It’s 50/50 not 80 your side and 20 his

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Have another conversation with him, maybe suggest counseling but there is also a love language app that will ding the other person telling them where your love bank is at. Is your husband happy? Are you showing him what he needs as well?

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It’s hard to leave. Right now a roommate is necessary to live, honestly. Relationships have this… It could be worse. But open up to him and stay a bit longer. Engage him yourself, daily. XXXOOO

I have been this way for years. and the serious talks… never permanently fixed anything. basically staying for the kids but that’s it. people say make yourself happy. just sounds selfish to me in the long run. I’ve grown cold and bitter to everyone around me and i dont suggest that for you.

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Communicate and express yourself.

i was in the exact same boat - we ended up divorcing and i swear it was the biggest regret of my life ! wish we would have done counseling before it got so bad.

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Read His needs Her Needs, both of you.

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I’d say listen to your intuition. Sometimes people are better off friends/cordial. Life’s too short to be unhappy in a relationship. You could be out there making yourself happy on your own. Try couples counseling and if that doesn’t work, you both should walk away amicably.

Communicate with him

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Sometimes 2 people are better off as friends, rather than being married. It doesn’t make either one of you wrong!

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If you’re not happy, make it known and have a conservation with him. Maybe he’s going through some things mentally or his stress levels are through the roof and too afraid to say anything? Hopefully something will improve. If nothing improves, then leave.

Marriage is NOT going to ultimately fulfill you. You and ONLY you are responsible for your happiness. Marriage is not meant to fulfill you. Involve him. Call him out on his old habits. Communicate. You can’t just sit around and mope and expect him to pick up on it. He’s human, too. He has needs, too. He’s unhappy, too. Or he wouldn’t spend his entire down time on his phone. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Throw the whole man away.

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I am in the same situation. Thank you for sharing this. You made me feel like I am normal.:kissing_heart:

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Counseling or self talking or I’m too young too give advice

Talk to him and maybe therapy too

What children need more than anything is to see their parents happy and healthy. That doesn’t always mean that their parents are together. The two of you can be divorced, still be friends and both be amazing parents. It’s time to talk to your spouse.

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I feel the exact same love, 110% the same I’ve been married 9 years. I’ve begged and pleaded… the best thing to do is just be honest.

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If you want your marriage to work you need to work on communicating. Sometimes our partners don’t know what it is we need unless we are very blunt about it. You could plan a surprise date night just for the two of you to try and rekindle things. Speak with a therapist either together if he’s willing or alone. Marriage takes work but it needs two people who are willing to put in the effort. Talk to him and tell him you miss how the two of you use to be.

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Leave and don’t go back.

It took my 5 years to leave

Look at the pros and cons … the grass isn’t always greener… try watering yours 1st… communication

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Is counseling an option, both individually and couple?

Sound like you’ve got some stuff to chat about

Do you and him go out for date night try that

Time for another talk. If he can listen and change once, he can do it again

Have another conversation, plan weekly date nights, weekend romantic getaways, and incorporate games/toys to spice up the bedroom. Don’t give up, wonderful men are hard to come across now a days, plus every marriage goes through it’s ups and downs, you can’t give up every time otherwise you’d have more partners than a football team! Always be positive, I’m 42, been married 23 years :pray:t2:

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You are not a tree…leave with your children!!

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Listen, you don’t know how common this is! My suggestion is just to always be open and honest about your feelings, at all times. I also always say Actions speak louder than words! Lastly, If nothing changes, NOTHING changes… Going through something similiar. Definitely communicate, stay strong and do what you feel is best. :pray::pray:

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Have another conversation, plan weekly date nights, weekend romantic getaways, and incorporate games/toys to spice up the bedroom. Don’t give up, wonderful men are hard to come across now a days, plus every marriage goes through it’s ups and downs, you can’t give up every time otherwise you’d have more partners than a football team! Always be positive, I’m 42, been married 23 years :pray:t2:

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If he senses you don’t love him it makes sense that he’s always outside. Two sides to every story. Counseling may help both of you. If not, being alone is better than being with the wrong person. And growing up in an unloving home is never good for a child.

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Counseling…you could do A lot worse. Talking to each other, and make sure you HEAR. God’s not going to say get divorced…

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If you keep on doing what you’ve always done; then you will keep on getting what you’ve always gotten

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Watch videos with him , talk with him , go on dates and etc .
Men don’t always know who’s to communicate

The grass is brown on the single side. Been single for 5 years. Make sure that it’s totally not fixable before you leave.

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Maybe hugging and kissing isn’t his love language, my husband’s isn’t, it’s very rare he wants to hug / kiss me but he does other things for me like gives me his food, worries about me if I’ve been gone too long, tells our children to listen to me, fixes small things i stress over and who knows what else in between, he is always there and the end of the day no matter what.
Talk to him first, relationships aren’t always exciting x

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Hes deserves better than you, OBVIOUSLY!

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Feel the exact same way right now too. All my fiance does it sit on his damn phone and watch YouTube videos or lock himself away in the bathroom for an hour. Never helps out unless I ask

Communication, counseling separate and together, try to reignite the love with random date nights. People who are married 20,30,40+ years aren’t always in love, it takes commitment and the willingness to constantly work on yourself and marriage. People aren’t always going to stay the same, grow with your husband.

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Communication is key to any relationship. As soon as it started to revert back, you should’ve spoken up. If you’re looking for constant attention, a lot of men don’t do that. Do you give him what he’s needing 24/7 ? Sometimes people are just tired and sometimes people are tired of giving everything with nothing in return. But you won’t know anything unless you communicate.

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My answer to everything is “PRAYER”. Ask God to make yourself and him the kind of man, woman, husband, wife, mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc. that he wants you to be.

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Maybe he is feeling the same way??

Or maybe he thinks everything is ok??

The only two people who’s opinions matter in your relationship is Yours and His.

Go have a heart to heart talk with him and bring up all possilities and leave no thoughts unspoken, really listen to what he has to say as well.

Then Both of you can make the decisions together about where to go from here.

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Sometimes the Disney crap about princes we were fed as lil girls is not true and it’s just a type of man we weren’t told about. If he is loyal, good father and good to you…like a best friend , then we have to accept that as part of the for better or worse. Trust me it could be alot worse! I have come to this conclusion. But try to have times to reconnect…like dates…it will hopefully help.

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I’m not married but I’ve been w the same guy for about 14 years now… but we still love each other like the first time we met… maybe try talking to him? Go counseling? If he doesn’t want to make an effort… you gotta move on… cause it goes both ways… u can’t be the only one doing the work when he’s not doing anything to help ur relationship…

How exactly he is an amazing father if he doesn’t spend time with his kids?
No one deserves to be un happy in a relationship, I will have ANOTHER conversation with him and your feelings and make some changes if he wants the relationship to work .
You need to spend time together, go on dates , maybe a movie night every night etc .
Nothing kills a relationship faster than monotony

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This is actually very common. My husband is almost the same way. A great husband and father but appreciates alone time. As adults we all need time to decompress. As long as you’re equally able to enjoy your alone time how you see fit then he’s doing nothing wrong.

If you’re truly unhappy ask yourself if you’d rather be alone (not with someone else because the grass isn’t greener on the other side)or is this something you’re willing to compromise on. I couldn’t imagine my life without my husband so there are small things I’m willing to compromise on. I also recognize that there are things about me that probably annoys him too. Good luck.

U have 2 choices depends how much u want it to work…

See if he is willing to be a poly and get yourself another man.

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Been with hubby 30 yrs, married 27 yrs…the absolute hardest time in our marriage! It’s not what he does but rather what he doesn’t do in our relationship. Everything you said, I can say that about him. I’m not AWE of his goodness but…at 53, it’s hard to comprehend that feeling for the rest of my life. I’m seeking my happiness and coming back full circle to myself. He is supportive and I stay bc he just keeps trying!!! We have very open communication. We’re redefining our relationship and focusing on having FUN! Praying the very best for your happiness! :sparkling_heart::v:

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Communication will be a great start. I would just ask for time without his phone. Ask him to tell you about his day, talk about your day, come up with supper ideas, day trips for your family.

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Love is an action. We don’t just love people without putting in the work. It sounds like you need to talk to him again. Tell him exactly what you just wrote here. Try counseling. It sounds like you may have already made up your mind, but remember that nothing worth having comes easy. Marriages take work, that’s why our vows say for better or for worse. Decide to work at it and do it or just let him go.

You need to talk to him about how you’re feeling.

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You said it yourself, you’re not in love . So I think it might be you.

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Honestly if you werent in love with this man you wouldnt have given him the time to change or even be upset. Sounds like yall hit a boring patch n just need to find a way to reconnect. Start slow take a 15 min walk just u him n the kids then try adding a date night. If u can not go out then do something yall find entertaining together. And that doesnt mean sex. Yes sex is great and all but sex isnt everything.

Men don’t think in the same way women do. Proven fact. He may think everything is fine the way it is to be honest. Before you talk to him about it again (if you choose to do that) spend some time reflecting by yourself and think about what you really want. A “happy family” doesn’t always mean mommy and daddy are together forever. A happy family can still be 2 parents co-parenting with each other to make sure their child(ren) is/are safe, happy, and healthy. I’ve been where you are before and it’s not easy by any means but you and your child(ren) will be okay :heart:

A lot of the times the problems you see in your partner are your own. Not saying that is the case but it might be. It sounds a little like you may be thinking the grass is greener on the other side, and could be worth doing some self searching instead of just saying it’s all his fault. If in fact neither of you are looking for affection outside of the relationship then definitely marriage counseling I believe would be worth a shot because it doesn’t sound like grounds for divorce. Good luck

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Things become a stalemate so to speak in relationships at times. Sometimes we will find ourselves having to speak relentlessly on our happiness in the relationship and that’s when 1 of 2 things need to take place:
Another heart to heart conversation… or
You come to terms with the fact that your happiness is your responsibility and shouldn’t be solely left at another’s feet.
If you feel these issues so deeply and this man can’t seem to keep you happy then perhaps it not him or his lack of certain things Doll.
He is only going to be able to do so much and love you so much and that’s where love for yourself is needed more…
Relationships are not easy by any means and you have to stop at nothing to try and fix it (so to speak) and if you know in your heart you have on your part and nothing seems to be improving then it may be time to actually go separate ways for good. Why stay in a relationship where neither are truly happy & feel loved? That only causes resentment and anger down the line love… Good luck.

What is his love language? What’s yours? Communicate it to him what you’re feeling. Not what he’s making you feel - just what you’re feeling… Be open and honest on your needs and see if his are also being met :purple_heart: consider couples counseling. Date nights. Spice it up in the bedroom. Something! But you gotta chat

I went through the same thing. It’s not fair to him.

Why don’t you maybe take you and the kids and join him outside? It doesn’t sound like you’re making much effort either(assuming from this post) suggest a date night or do something or even have a conversation that interests the both of you. Don’t talk about the kids, work or feelings. Have a real conversation and if it doesn’t seem to change anything over a period of time then talk to him and be honest about your feelings and what you need from him for things to change and ask him what you could do on your end as well since it’s not always just one person

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If your unhappy and not willing to do your part to make the relationship work and to communicate your feelings with him then leave.

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A couple retreat weekend best plan

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You need to tell him how you feel. Maybe marriage counseling? If not put it on line to him. Only you two can. Make it better or separate. Good luck God bless

Is he a porn addict? I ask this because I went through that with my ex husband and he was a lot like you are describing.

Communication is a key to a good relationship. Maybe he’s thinking your not talking to him. It’s takes 2 to make it work. Don’t be scared to make the first move. Go to him and discuss it. Yes, again. I’ve been married 30 yrs. If he’s doing something I don’t like or seems to be drifting away. I always tell him. Always. Tell him how your feeling and you may be surprised how he will try to make you happy. Your just in limbo. Pray about it and pray with him. God bless.

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Sounds like he checks all the boxes but you are still left feeling unfulfilled. Find other things that bring you joy. A career, friends, hobbies, volunteering…if you are taking up time & space doing these things you won’t be so focused on him being the problem. Be busy doing what makes you happy and I bet he’ll join in!

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You say he’s an Amazing Man/Father/Friend/Hard working but he doesn’t LOVE you the way you need to be and wants to be by himself most of the time… How is he AMAZING ??

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Just be happy he’s not an asshole and allow him to be him just as he allows you to be you. Quit thinking the grass is always greener. It’s not. And you think you feel alone now,think how you would feel if you never meet Mr Perfect.

He is an amazing kind man,you already hit the jacketpot. Don’t throw him away.work with what you got. Not too many amazing kind men out there. Women envy you.

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Sounds more like he’s breaking yours and not doing much to keep the flame lit.

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Maybe some good marriage counseling would help. I know that it does. Love just doesn’t wander in and out of a marriage. It seems like you are blaming him…how about your attitude What outlets to you have? Don’t forget young woman, there is a child involved. Magic doesn’t happen without work.

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Having a happy family for your child means that you do not stay in an unhappy marriage. If he is a good guy is a good guy and a good man he should understand that you are not happy. It will not be good at 1st but you should not be with someone you are not happy with.

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I agree with the writer who said that Disney deceived us with the idea of love. Try to build on the friendship. See if you can peel him away from his phone long enough to talk to you about being back in a rut again. Ask if you can have a family movie night. Pop popcorn, have pop and make it fun. He can surely stand it for a couple of hours. After that, depending on how old your child is, see if you can work in a game night. It doesn’t have to be video games. Buy a board game or card game that you think would work and play that. Just work it one night at a time. Maybe it can work into a regular thing. Two nights a week are family night. Then maybe you can get a sitter and have a date night. Work on the two of you. Just do it all gradually. He may groan a little, but he may come to enjoy it too. I would hate to see you toss away a marriage with a man who treats you well and is a decent father to your child without trying to get some contact going. If he fights it or flat out refuses… well, maybe then, if you can’t communicate, maybe it’s time to make some changes.

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This the typical course of a relationship. What were you really expecting?

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There should be no expectation of happiness in a marriage.

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It’s not his responsibility to make you happy if he checks all the boxes of a amazing man your unhappiness is yours and yours alone find something that you love and makes you happy

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You havent been in love with him for years but he doesnt love you the way you need to be loved? Ok this makes no sense.Maybe he feels the same way as you

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not placing blame on anyone BUT are you treating him how you want to be treated? perhaps you both fell back into the same rut as before? try doing date nights … it doesn’t have to be going out spending money it can be spending time together as a couple or as a family…

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Talk and try marriage counseling . Learn each other’s love language. Go out side and help him. Get your hands dirty with him. Do a project with him you may not like the project but it’s all about the quality time together. Do family things together as well. Make date nights once a week.

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Nobody is in love 24/7 look for the positives in your relationship and talk to a counselor to make sure you just aren’t bored or sabotaging….

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He is not responsible for your happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness your husband should only be adding to it. If you were unhappy I need to have a conversation with him about that and decide what you want. 

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Sounds toxic. Maybe you’re the problem :face_exhaling:

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First of all it’s not his job to make you happy you both need to communicate a little bit more it seems like maybe you need to do counseling by yourself and figure out what makes you happy do you have any hobbies do you do anything that isn’t house related or kid related maybe you two need to have a date night start making some changes giving up is not the answer sometimes relationships go through things like this and if you’re not willing to make it through the unhappy times then you don’t deserve the happy times it takes work

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Who’s cheating you or him??? You can bet one of you are!!!

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I’d lay it all out for him, likely in a letter, so no interrupting and no arguing/blaming. I’d let him know I absolutely never wanted to live this way and while our kids happiness and stability is important, I need more. If he didn’t figure out exactly what needs doing, I’d pack up and be gone. Life is too short.

You need to make yourself happy. Your husband should add to your happiness!

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Marriage isn’t always about your happiness… marriage is a commitment you make to your spouse regardless of your happiness. I encourage you to seek out a Christian marriage counselor and truly learn what a marriage is meant to be and I promise you will be in a better relationship

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Your answer is already in your post. Your not even a couple anymore. Stop denying it and just move on

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