I am unsure if my boyfriend wants to move in together: Advice?

I’ve been with my current boyfriend (not the father of my child) almost a year. He loves me as I love him but sometimes he says things that make me doubt our entire relationship. About 5mo into our relationship he made a comment about us living together and finding a house that has 2 bedrooms in the basement for when he has his high needs child. I just kinda brushed it off as we were still so new into the relationship. I’ve been staying with him basically every night during the week, and last night I told him that I’d have to start staying at my home and not with him anymore; his response was, well, I’ll come to stay a night or two at your place it’s not a big deal, it’s not like we’re married. It pissed me off, as when I don’t stay with him when he wants, he questions what I’m doing and who I’m with. A couple of weeks ago, we didn’t spend any nights together for a week, and his response to that was, well, I like to be a lone wolf sometimes, yet the nights where I say I might not be coming over, he makes a big deal on how he doesn’t want to be alone. His friend is seeing this girl, who he keeps making comments like he shouldn’t fuck this up. She’s got everything going for her, money in the bank, a good job, her own car ect ect. Normally I wouldn’t think into it too much, but he keeps bringing it up, which makes me worry. I’ve had two serious long term relationships before him, and usually, around the 1yr one and a half yr mark, I’ve moved in with my partner (hello, we’re not young anymore, and I don’t just date to date, if I’m with you I see a future) he’s currently looking to move as his lease is up and I’ve mentioned him either moving in with me until he finds a house, but he just brushes it off… I feel like I’m just something to keep him busy until he finds something better, which I think is just me being inside my head too much. He’s got me a car, has taken me on trips, introduced me to all his friends and family. Am I just overthinking everything and expecting everything to be rushed like my previous relationships?


Proceed with caution. He is giving you mixed signals.


You can’t compare your past relationships to your new one. That isn’t fair. Not everyone wants to move that fast. Maybe he just isn’t ready to make that commitment yet. Y’all haven’t even been dating a year yet. I think it’s an overreaction on your part because your last relationships you had already moved in together and you expect this one to be the same and it isn’t.


I kinda feel like you are heading down a path. The last few relationships were screwed up so now you are thinking that THIS one will fail

1 Like

Mixed signals. Before u do anything sit down with him and have a big talk.

1 Like

You are over thinking.

1 Like

Don’t waste time with mixed signals… if you want to date him…date him. You keep going to his world…make him come to yours…dont be convenient… and you will get your answer.


People don’t have to be married to be committed. But you need to have a talk on boundaries. Even the words you use matter.

1 Like

Honestly sounds like ur the one shooting mixed signals… he brought it up at 5 months and you admittedly dodnt think to much on it as it was still new. Maybe he doesnt want to be pushy with it. Id say its ur turn to say ur ready and see where it goes.


I think you’ve answered your own question by stating you feel you’re just a placeholder to pass the time and if he isn’t serious like you are, it’s time to move on. Someone who wants to be with you will make the commitment, not brush it off.


Umm, if you did the same things in past relationships and they didn’t work, why keep doing them? Women have to stop having expectations they don’t mention and then get mad or insecure when the guy doesn’t meet them. :woman_facepalming:
Just bc it’s been a yr, that doesn’t mean you need to move in together. Keep in mind, you have a child. If you use the 1 yr mark for what should happen, how many times will someone move in or out? That’s not fair to your child. It’s ok to live separate. It doesn’t mean there’s no future. You also mentioned he has a high needs child. Ever think he wants to make sure his child is ok and ready to accept a stepmom and sibling? Maybe he isn’t ready for mixing bills bc of his relationship history?
Until you sit down and have a conversation with him, you’ll drive yourself nuts. Hear what he’s thinking and feeling. When he lays it on the table, if it’s not something you can accept, walk away.

1 Like

Its only been a year. Why rush it especially if your other relationships have failed at 1.5 years.

If you dont lnow what he’s doing you never well

Sounds like you’re self sabotaging your relationship.