I can't stop thinking about my ex!

My ex and I broke up over a year ago. We were together for two years. He broke up with me because I wasn’t enough and there’s better out there than what we have….. he’s exact words. Immediately after the break up, he starts dating someone else. Leave me to assume he that he cheated. I know it’s over and we haven’t talked since the break up. I spend all day thinking about our relationship (it was literally perfect. In my eyes. The break up was a complete shock) when I think about him and his new relationship, I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t resent anything towards his new found love. I’m trying to tell myself that I’m happy that he’s happy, But it’s hard to… very hard. Why am I so obsessed over this? I know it takes time to heal from things. I’ve been through other previous break ups and none of them hurt this bad. I feel like I won’t find anyone as amazing as he was. He was perfect. He treated me so good.

I’ve been praying to God to take away this never ending pain. I am hurt and I feel like I lost myself since the break up. I feel like a failure and I won’t ever find love as good as my ex’s. Some encouragement would really help right now. :heart:
Of course, I’ve talked to my friends and family but they truly don’t understand. They tell me to stop thinking about him (as if I can) and it’s in the past (very true.) I’ve tried hobbies such as working out. I am going back to college and working extra shifts at work. I know who I am intended to be with, will come to me eventually. I just need to stop thinking of my ex, conbstantly.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I can't stop thinking about my ex!

Therapy, block him on everything, and more time.

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I’m not sure of your beliefs but for myself, I would do a cord cutting spell. I would work on my inner thoughts and set positive affirmations for myself. You definitely are NOT what he said you are. You are worthy of love and happiness and you deserve to have your life back. :black_heart:

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Start at the root. “He…broke up with me.” As soon as you realize how important you really are, you’ll appreciate your “self” and value your self over anyone that didn’t see your value.

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He could surely be everything you ever wanted in a man but clearly you are not everything he wants in a woman, he wouldn’t of left you. Especially jumping into another relationship so soon, red flags. You dodged a bullet, let go girl.

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Learn to love yourself that much.

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It’s time to close that door.

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It will get better it just takes time.

Girl ain’t no man worth your self worth just sayin

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Unfortunately it’s a process. Do for yourself the things he did for you. Sounds corny, but he is looking for something that is missing in him. He has major attachment issues. God bless

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Look I promise coming from a 36 yr old… you will find what you want. And this man that left you (cheated on you) will be all but a memory… this won’t make sense right now because heartache is hard… but I promise you will get over him. Sometimes it takesdays, mths or years but it will happen… right now covid isn’t letting anybody live their best life but hang w your healthy friends. This to shall pass. So glad you are going to God for this. Get closer to him and he will send you everything you didn’t know you needed or wanted. :hugs::hugs:

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Because nobody likes rejection… and he dished out the worst kind. If he said that to you…my guess is he has said other awful things but you ignored them. Being told or being made to fell like you aren’t enough is soul crushing…if you can’t get pizzed and see what kind of jerk he is…then you should probably seek professional help to move on…and keep you from getting another bad one.

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Freakin same thing happened to me. Two years together and he breaks up with me super random I was totally completely crushed l… he got married two weeks later to “someone he met on fb” after we broke up.
I second the cord cutting thing I think it helped me put the visual in for me and some of the juju help to. I couldn’t escape it until I tried the cord cutting. Even my sleep he was there muckin up my beauty sleep I couldn’t stop wondering what happened. I wouldn’t say it’s totally better I’m at almost two years later and it still takes my breath away anytime a memory comes up or I find one of his stupid cut offs even after I think I got the last one in the trash.

Girllllll spend less time in ya head and more time on ya back. W someone new

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Never be happy for someone that shows zero remorse for hurting you.

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You need therapy. It’s been more than a year and you still have yourself convinced that he was “perfect”.

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I feel you. My ex and i broke up over a year ago and im not over it. Everyone either says time will heal or tells me to just move on. Ive tried. I have no contact with him for over 6 months including not looking ar his social media. You would think out of sight out of mind but not true, still think of him every day :disappointed: i dont know what to tell you; maybe we need more time, maybe we just learn to live with the pain. Not going back though. We deserve better men! :raised_hands:t5:

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When a man tells you you’re not good enough for him…. LISTEN TO THAT. He will never respect you or value you. Ever. Why would you ever take someone back that said those things to you. I don’t buy the whole “our relationship” was perfect… nope. He had something better (his words) already in place.

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Oh honey it’s time to cut the cord I know it’s hard but you need to set him free you should meditate cored cutting videos while you sleep every night​:heart::sparkles::butterfly: your got this gorgeous Soul​:heart::sparkles:

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Girl the day he told me I wasn’t good enough for him. He would have gotten a big go fk yourself and bye.

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Let it go Specially if he’s an asshole

He wasn’t perfect. A perfect man would love you whole heartedly.

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Start dating. You don’t have to get into a relationship but go on dates. Let men compliment you. Let men be good to you. It’ll build up your self confidence and you’ll start to see there’s better out there. You deserve better. Also go follow the crimson kiss on IG. She’s amazing and will help you get through this. She helped me.

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Therapy helped me alot and do things you enjoy. Take time to be yourself and you can do better than him.

Girl, he ain’t worth it. Save your dignity and move on. He literally told you “there is better than you” out there.

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Girl fuck him and his happiness he didn’t care about yours you deserve someone sooo much better he sounds like a fuckn self centered asshole he doesn’t seem perfect to me poor girl he ended up with eventually she won’t be enough either… Move on love yourself

I’m not trying to be rude or insensitive but for me , this post seems like it came from a teen.i only consider that because of the way he or she is referring to the breakup. No offense it just seems not realistic

Girrrl it took me 2.5 years and counseling, I went through the EXACT same thing. I do recommend counseling though, the sooner the better. I’m now in a great relationship and it’s all in the past :nail_care:t3:
I do still think of him now but just as an a**hole lol. We heal at our own pace

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Time heals all wounds. Keep your mind busy soon you will heal.

Seems he was good at faking or sugar coating things to suit himself. When he found better he dropped the act and pleased himself. As he will continue to do until he feels satisfied.
You got played and it hurts. You miss a version of him.
That version no longer exists.
It’s okay to miss a version of someone. When you know that version doesn’t exist anymore, you can get over them a tiny bit more

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It’s prob a shot to your ego. Just realize sometimes you lose people for better people to come along. Don’t rush just keep busy and clear your mind and heart. Meditate workout read. Enjoy your life and soon you will be happy and it will happen when the time is right.

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The best ways to get over someone is to get under someone else… lol

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Happiness and your best relationship begin with you. Please take the time to learn more about what you are feeling, and why, through counseling. You will learn so much about yourself including your self value. If you leave this important work undone, this experience and pain will likely continue to play out over and over,even with new partners.
Please be brave and go for it!
You are worth the work…you are enough! Godspeed!

He told you, you weren’t enough and there’s better out there…… babe that is NOT the perfect man, and he did NOT treat you good. You are remembering your relationship through a skewed vision which is pure fantasy.

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I’m encouraging you to go to therapy. Prayers

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Imo it never truly goes fully away. I’m happy and I’m married. I’ve been with my husband 8 years married for 3. And there are times I still catch myself thinking about things that happened with a particular ex of mine. I was off and on with said ex for 6 YEARS he done some fucked up shit towards me but I never hated him :woman_shrugging: I still dont hate him in fact I’m still friends with him. I dont talk to him much but once in a blue moon :woman_shrugging: and honestly after a while he may realize his mistakes and apologize or he may not. My particular ex messaged me out of the blue and apologized for everything he did to and towards me when we were in school even told me he was happy to know I was happy and had a family of my own. And i was glad to finally here him apologize being it to me a long time to get past some of what he said and done. But NEVER waste your time,energy and happiness hating someone over whatever they did just move on and live life as time goes by it wont bother you as much and you wont spend forever thinking of the past.

I know how you feel. My ex and I recently just broke up for him to move in with his new thing. He tells me he still loves me and wants to be a family but is the complete opposite person when he’s at her house. He’s really messing with my head, and it’s messing with me in the long run. I’m tired of breaking down for hours bc im so confused.

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Get a hobby or some dogs, do something new, get social again, the world is full of other people!!!

He is right to a point, There is always something better out there but for how long nobody knows. He is not worth it. Now it’s time to find your best lover. The new guy will show you want was really wrong with him lol

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Go to therapy, you’re traumabounded

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When you really love someone you don’t get over it like that. Cry and have your pity party but rise up like the queen that you are. He will realize down the road that he let a beautiful jewel get away. Don’t let him come back. Move on, there’s a good man looking for you.

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I recommend that you seek help from a therapist if you think that you will not be able to overcome it, the people who send you out, to find another one or to stop thinking about it, really sinks you more, because feelings are not something we can control.

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best way to get over someone is get under someone else lol

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I was in a relationship for 12 yrs …thought we would be together forever. He ended it very abruptly. I was crushed and still have a hard time…its been 2 years and I have absolutely no interest in being with anyone. Its very hard but I’m better then 2yrs ago. Keep your chin up it will get better.

I also did therapy for a year.

Soooo…. You love him more than you love yourself? Cuz that’s what it seems like. Why would you obsess over someone who told you that you weren’t enough? I hope you find yourself and pour some love into her.

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You saw what you wanted to see. I bet your family and friends saw the truth about that a**hole. You need to seek counseling IMMEDIATELY. There’s obviously something very wrong with you if you can’t get over someone who did you so dirty. You really need to work on your self esteem and know your self worth. Seriously though seek therapy because when Mr. Right does come in your life you don’t want to turn him away or be leery of him because of how your ex did you. Good luck and just remember that you are NOT a failure and you will find someone BETTER.

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Probably a lack of closure, you need to get busy with hobbies or go date! Even if it’s casual dating go enjoy yourself girl! :heart:

For you it wasn’t over. You are looking for closure.
Imo this relationship wasn’t " perfect" him telling you you weren’t enough… is telling you where he placed you , him getting with someone soon after means she was there during your relationship.

Know your worth and value.

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Try to think about yourself. Doing things to make you happy. Pouring time and energy into yourself for yourself. Set healthy boundaries on your thoughts. You know when you’re taking a down turn. There is an app called I am. It has a free and paid versions but it will send you reassuring/uplifting messages about 3 times a day. I love it.

Hm sounds like you need a puppy

Any guy that tells you your not enough and there’s better out there is not the right guy for you!!! You might need some therapy yourself… sorry.

Go out with friends and have fun! Life is too short!

TIME HEALS! IT takes TIME!! You will be fine, one day at a time!!!:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Praying for you and he’s right it’s better out there so your better will come :brown_heart::hugs:

Delete him and block him from everything… it takes time. I sometimes still think about my ex… it’s been 5 years now but not like I used to. I just think about the good times we had together and I wish him well where ever he’s at. He was someone special to me and you just can’t forget about that but you’ll find someone better believe me. I’m happily married with 1 child and another on the way. I love my husband to death he’s perfect for me!

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He doesn’t sound very amazing…

I’m sorry that you are going through this! Its very hard to get over the love of your life. But I have faith that eventually you will. I’ve been in your shoes. Its very hard to deal with. Work on yourself. Pray! When the thoughts and sadness come, just focus your mind on something else. God has a purpose for your life and its not pining over this loser/cheater.

Mine was the love of my life…but my mother made it impossible to be together :pleading_face:

My heart goes out to you, time makes it better

Best way to get over someone is to get “under” someone else.
Which in my book was dating others. Distractions help. As in dating others. And you just might find someone a whole lot better. That’s just as into you as you are them.

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I think what you’re feeling is valid! Just keep loving yourself and doing what makes you happy! Eventually you’ll meet another!

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If he was perfect he wouldnt have said that and yall would still be together.

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You need to find someone. Nothing heals a broken heart like a new love. :pray:

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Start dating. Get out there and have fun. It’s been over a year. You gotta get back on the horse girl

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Because you never really got closure. Honey it takes TIME. And don’t rush into anything. It took me 2 years or more to get over an ex

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I’m so sorry your heart is broken. I’ve been there and I understand. I think enough time has gone by that it’s time to put yourself out there again. You deserve better than the way you were treated. Keep reminding yourself of that and go have some fun! He’s not coming back and why would you want him to? Just so he can throw you away again? Screw that. Wish him well and move along. Hugs.

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I have been through similar. That heart ache is the worst. :purple_heart: all I can say is, if it is meant to be, then it will be.

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When one door closes another one opens! That special someone is out there and you will find him! There is a reason for these things and something better is waiting!

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If he could make you think your relationship was good and all of a sudden dump you then he’s not as good of a guy as you think.A real man would have talked to you about what’s wrong and then to move on to another relationship emediatly after breaking up sounds to me he was already seeing her or broke up with you for her either one is shady.Instead of thinking of him as this perfect guy look deeper into what was going on and bet you will find out he wasn’t so perfect but he was deceitful and didn’t respect or love you.Be happy that he broke up with you so you could find your real love and not just a guy pretending to love you and live a lie until it wasn’t convenient anymore then he let you go like your nothing to him.Theres so much better out there block him move on open your heart so you are able to love someone else 100%

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I know exactly how you feel ! I prayed to God as well and so did his mother because she was hurting for me . It took me years to let him go , he was amazing and completely blindsided me . My ex basically said the same thing only nicer . I wish I could give you some advice but all I can offer is my sincere understanding. I will say that I eventually married a wonderful man and we have two beautiful daughters and I’m certain I’m where I should be . I remember feeling like I would never be able to let go but I did ,there will come a time when you just don’t have it in you to hang on anymore. (( Hugs ))

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Hmmm. First off, I’m sorry- pain and loss are real things that can’t be trivialized.

Try a therapist. Your dependency is destructive to you. However perfect you believed that relationship to be, he demolished it. You would be right to hate him for that, you would be right to live the lyrics of ‘You Ought to Know’ for that. What isn’t right is to pine over him and mourn him - that path leads nowhere good.

Trouble with Facebook is strangers can only point out the things you likely know deep-down and we’re no better than you at a solution. See someone who can help you see you for who you are and it is most certainly not someone who has no romantic future without that one man on earth.

There’s really nothing anyone can do or say to you right now that will make you feel better. Time is on your side. Your time will come.

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He hurt you! That takes time to recover from. Just focus on getting busy doing things for you :heart::kissing_heart:

Yeah mr right will come along

Although you found the relationship to be “perfect”, he obviously isn’t the man he conned you into believing he is. God will not only remove the pain in your heart, He will fill that space with TRUE love. You’ll know when because He will let you know. God bless you dear.:heart::heart::heart:

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No matter what anyone tells you,you won’t listen.
You’ve painted this snake like you’re looking at him through rise colored glasses.
Hopefully you’ll wake up Alice.

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I did NOT sign up for this group
Get me off it!

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It sounds like he ended things very abruptly and you didn’t get proper closure for yourself. Reaching out to him would only complicate things so definitely don’t go that route. Maybe take a solo vacation or start hanging out with some close friends and find yourself again. It seems you may be wrapping your self worth in the fact that it didn’t work out and you deserve much better than that. Therapy may be a helpful route if you find you still can’t shake it.

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I’m sorry :disappointed: just pray :pray:

How good could he have been with those “ exact words” of his!

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This is NOT me being judgy. But therapy might help. It will give you someone neutral to talk to. You’re allowed to feel any way you feel about what happened.
It’s better that you do. You need to feel it so you can process it.

A therapist/counselor/psychologist will also know tips and tricks to help you process what’s happening and how to better direct your focus as well as just being there to listen.

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I have always said Love finds you when you least expect it. I believe this.

The lack of REAL closure besides his bs excuse…most likely he was cheating and decided the grass was greener…I’m just saying due to my own experience…they tend to wna find problems where there weren’t any to justify their actions…narcissistic traits…unfortunately until u stop dwelling and goin over everything you’ll nvr find peace…trust me…even after 5 yrs there are certain things thst I still dwell on from my husband cheating and then walking out of an 8 yr marriage and 10 yr relationship…at least u didn’t have one that played the mind games saying ge was coming back and wen he wasn’t believed used ur reactions against u as his reason for not coming back…like I said sum things still cause me issues…but those days are fewer and far between and usually hit wen triggered…stupid and corny and crazy ad it sounds on the really bad days I’ll go off by myself and judt rant and vent as if he were there to hear it…sumtines it helps cuz I can get those questions out of me others…idk…I guess it helps me practice for the day I really do get to ask him those questions…I hope things get better for ya hun…ya judt get thru each day as it comes and handle it how u see fit…goid luck

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Honey, he doesn’t deserve you at all. One day you will realize that he is not the man you thought he was. You are rightHe was already cheating when he broke up with you. You just have to accept this. You will in your own time. There is a man already out there with his eye on you, you just have to move the image if your ex out of the way in order to see him!!

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Research attachment theory. For many of us, if we’ve failed to form secure attachments in early childhood, we struggle in all our later relationships. Many of us have an attachment style that dictates that if we’re “good enough” we can earn another’s love. When we do everything we think we should and we don’t get that result of earning the love, it’s like a glitch in the matrix to our brains because our brains learned this was the formula before we’re even old enough to be capable of conscious thought. Our subconscious gets stuck in the calculations of why the formula isn’t computing. That’s why we become obsessive about that person, what we could’ve done wrong or should’ve done instead, blame ourselves which leads to guilt and shame. If you check it out and feel this may apply, you might consider a little bit of therapy. It’s very difficult to alter a pattern of thinking and relating that’s rooted in the subconscious and developed so young on our own.

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You are wrong - there is a love you still have not discovered that is 10000000 times better than his - as corny as this will sound - fall in love with yourself - invest in self care - as lost as you are - find the silver lining and go and find yourself babe…

There is so much pain with heartbreak - and it fricken sucks - no one can say anything to make it go away faster - over time it will dull and you just got to ride it through. BUT… there is also freedom on the flip side - freedom to actively love yourself and find someone that is worthy of you and all that you are.

There is just something about getting rejected that makes it so hard to move on - it’s nothing to do with you babe and everything to do with them. Thank God he told you then instead of doing it 20 years into marriage and your whole youth is gone. You have freedom to find YOUR right person. So LET yourself feel the loss and then make a conscious decision to move on with daily affirmations.

Music helps - find something that resonates with you. Write down your thoughts - do therapy - find your own way to connect to yourself and go from there. When you know you worth without placing it on another human being - when you are no longer dependant on another person to feel important, worthy, loved… it feels so liberating.

That is not to say that you shouldn’t be loved by another person that is just my way of saying - it’s nice to have someone else love you IN ADDITION to the love you have for yourself already.

Idk just coming from someone who is 2 years into the self love journey after total heartbreak - it hurts less after a while. It’s something to look forward to. It’s a long road to get over someone you love - rejection - but it gets better - hold on that.

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Mourning someone who is still alive is worse than mourning the dead. Its hard but time will heal, whether its 1 year or 10 years. Stay positive and keep pushing on :heart:

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You think that’s the best relationship but u haven’t met ur newer relationships u can’t keep thinking back because u will never be happy again thinking of the one relationship u were the happiest and u might destroy ur next relationship by holding the other one up high. Relationship has Different loves through out ur life if ur divorce yes that’s how it feels but know u can grow into a healthier relationship with a newer person and newer friend. U can’t keep thinking of the past.

Simply… we always want what we can’t have

Please dont do this to yourself…hes living his happy life whilst you are sulkin…change ur mind-set and know dat u r better than that and deserve better

You should probably try therapy and maybe you need to start meeting new people. Try moving on with someone else even if it’s just fun dates with different people and nothing serious right at first. The relationship clearly wasn’t perfect if he ended it for better things out there and immediately moved on with someone he was probably cheating on you with. You have to stop painting him in such a good light and quit remembering your relationship with him as being perfect. Talking to a therapist is a good place to start. Forcing yourself to get back out in the field of dating is also a great thing now that it’s been a year. Keep yourself busy. Read books. Watch movies. Go to school. Hang out with friends. Work out at the gym. Start trying new hobbies. Maybe try and plan a trip. When you catch yourself thinking about him it really is about just veering off that course of thought. Turning on music. Dancing. Watching a show. Just doing something that keeps you busy enough that you’ll start realizing time is passing where you aren’t thinking about him. He’s living his life happily you should too. Unfollow him on social media if you haven’t already. Don’t stalk him and his relationship and his life. If you find you’re having time to sit and obsess over him then you’re not staying busy enough doing things that actually make you happy. A year is more than plenty of time to grieve over an asshole. Try your hardest to move on you deserve way better.

I was in a realateship like I’ve been heart every scents I love him So much but I don’t think in the last 6 month he felt in love with me I still love him I guess I always will stupid I guess I datedhim 4 1/2 yearsmiss him he want even talk to me.ive TRYED he said he had been dating some I’ve not because I not over him

He obviously was not perfect and he didn’t treat you good if he did that to you. He was selfish and ge didn’t love you like you loved him. Forget about him.

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I feel the same way my ex was amazing. he jumped right into a new relationship as soon as we got back from California we went on a vacation the whole time I found out he was talking to another girl and she was a girl from work that almost got him fired bit she said she was sorry and it was all he needed to hear from her now he is miserable and I get told she is so mean to him so I guess it’s his pay back but I still wonder if he was the one it was the best relationship I have ever been in and man I was soo in love with him. I m sorry you are going through this if you ever wanna talk im always here to vent to I don’t understand why it still hurts more like I wish I was good enough for him I sometimes wish he would come back to me but I know its better this way then him cheating behind my back. the worst part of it was his daughter was my life also and my kids and his daughter were so happy and close to one another.

U need closure is what it is

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Sadly, it’s not perfect if his feelings aren’t mutual

I have been there. And its true time does heal. But when the timing is right you’ll will find someone who is perfect for you and never makes u feel like an option, and when that time comes you’ll look back and realize you didn’t even really love him like you thought you did and you’ll be glad you moved on. Just do as you are, stay busy and hang out with friends.

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I’m in this exact position except bc of the kids he wants us to live together still. it’s been more than a year and I want to unalive myself. he hasn’t gotten into a relationship but every hook up he sneaks away to is like a stab in the chest. it physically hurts. I can only assume it’ll get better bc It’s so low here. how could it be worse right.